One minute Lily was standing and the next she was on her back, unmoving.

James's breath seemed to catch in his throat and he managed to keep himself in his seat only with the exercise of every morsel of self-control he possessed. He was desperate to run and check on her but it was not common practice among the team to worry about a knock out unless there was blood or broken bones. So checking on her, would arouse a lot of suspicion.

He felt frozen, his fingers gripping the bench so hard his knuckles went white.. He took one slow breath desperately trying to convince himself he was overacting, being too protective, something he knew Lily wouldn't appreciate, but as the moments ticked by and she still hadn't gotten up he started to panic. Then, when Gideon's worried eyes looked towards his captain for guidance, having not been able to rouse his teammate, James found he was already halfway up from his seated position and moving towards the collapsed Lily on the floor.

"Move!" he roared sending the assorted team members and their friends scattering out of his way as he strode, quickly and purposefully, towards the pale, motionless body.

He fell to his knees, ignoring the pain that shot through his legs when they made contact with the floor.

He reached forward and grabbed Lily's wrist, noticing for the first time just how tiny it was; it was hard to remember how small she was when her personality was so vibrant.

His stomach churned as he checked her pulse the muggle way. He found it to be beating erratically, but relatively strong so he pointed his wand towards the centre of her chest and tried to enerverate her.

"I already tried that," said a panicked voice from behind James.

"Well I'm bloody well trying it again, got a problem with that?!" James shouted without bothering to find out who'd spoken.

"No of course not, captain," the intruder quickly tried to pacify the increasingly irate and secretly terrified James.

But just as the voice had predicted the enerverate spell didn't rouse the girl dressed as a boy in front of him.

James stomach literally turned 360 degrees, but he tried to keep a level head. He leaned closer whispering about her idiocy under his breath, then lifted one of her eyelids to check her pupil and what he saw truly panicked him. They weren't dilated in the normal way of someone who was unconscious, what he saw indicated that she was in serious pain. Realising that, his heart gave a painful thump.

"What the hell did you do?" James turned his furious eyes on Gideon, his breathing becoming quick.

"Nothing!" stuttered the shocked boy, staring at the body in front of him fearfully. "Nothing unusual anyway! – We were just sparring; we hadn't even got to a practice duel! We were just warming up! – He wasn't paying attention, he was too interested in your reaction to Brandon and I hit him with a stinging hex – it wasn't even a strong one I was just trying to get him to pay attention!"

"Stinging hex?" James repeated disbelievingly.

"It's true James," interrupted Sirius, his brow furrowed worriedly. "I was watching them while we were talking and all he sent at him was a stinging hex and no one else was in hexing range. I don't know what could have possibly caused this. Was he feeling alright earlier?"

"Yeah… yeah, I think so," James said, vaguely trying to remember if Lily had been acting strangely, and somewhere in the back of his mind wondering why Sirius had been watching Evan.

"Er, James, I think it's time to go get the nurse," interrupted Gideon.

"What? Oh yeah, someone needs to go get the nurse."

The words had just left his mouth when a weak voice from below him asked, "Who needs a nurse?"

All eyes flew down to Lily who stared back at them all confused. "What am I doing on the floor? Don't tell me I couldn't even spar properly today!" she said rolling her eyes at herself.

"Lil- Evan," James quickly corrected, "you've been down for a while. What happened, are you alright?"

Lily's eyes widened at his rapid fire questions before she sat up swiftly wincing slightly, the group huddled around her stepped back quickly shocked by such sudden movement from someone who had been passed out only moments before.

She wobbled a little and James instinctively put a hand on her back to steady her.

She sent him a furious look and James quickly removed his hand as he watched her stand and excuse herself—saying she was fine, but if everyone was so worried then she would go get herself checked out in the hospital wing.

But James knew her better and knew she was lying, she wouldn't go to the hospital wing, after all she couldn't go in her disguise.

Just like the rest of the assemble group, he watched her warily as she slowly progressed across the padded floor and walked stiffly through the door.

The moment she'd exited he commanded they all get back to work before swiftly following in her footsteps.

---

"What is wrong with you?!" James bellowed, storming out of the doors slamming then shut behind him with such force Lily winced. "What the hell was that, Lily?" he reiterated.

"Nothing I'm fine. Don't I look fine?" she said without turning to look at him her shoulders tense. "People get knocked out at practice all the time, you're the one who told me that!" she spun around, suddenly glaring at him.

James took in the anger on her face, but he also noticed that she was rubbing her chest. Now that he thought about it she was always rubbing her chest right above her heart. He'd thought it was a nervous habit, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Shut up, Lily, don't throw my own words back in my face," he snapped at her just as angry and scared as she was. "That was not a normal reaction. Hell, Lily, I'm not even sure a stinging hex is supposed to be able to knock someone out – if you're not going to talk to about this like an adult then just SHUT UP!" he bellowed, shocking her into silence, he then took a breath. "Don't fucking do this, you know exactly what I'm talking about – don't avoid the issue, that's not how we work, or at least that's what I'd thought! Why the hell would a simple stinging hex affect you so badly?!"

Lily stood frozen to the spot and James closed his eyes against the look on her face. He took a deep calming breath, it only helped a little "I've never asked questions about your shortness of breath or how tired you were after practices and I've never forced you to tell me anything that you didn't feel comfortable revealing. I trusted you to tell me if something was wrong, and you abused that trust – not just my trust as your captain but as your friend! – Merlin how fucking stupid can you get!" He whispered harshly.

"Excuse me?" she asked indignantly life coming back in to her face in one angry flush.

"This sport is all about trust, Lily! It's won and lost based on the relationship you have with your team members, and people get really fucking badly hurt when that trust is lost. And more importantly my friendship is based on trust. I won't tolerate you blatantly lying to my face!"

"I wasn't—I haven't – I'm not lying!"

"No? What the hell was that in there, then?" he started shouting again, pointing an angry finger in the direction of the practice room. "Did you just fucking collapse because, to be honest with you, I can't wrap my mind around the idea – my brain just won't let me believe you would allow something like that to happen!"

"Allow it to happen?"

"Yes, Lily – I understand why we didn't discuss it at first, you were obviously sensitive about it and I knew enough, but do you really think I haven't notice how stiff you are after practices or how quickly you lose your energy?! I didn't want to pry, but after everything we've been through I want to know what happened to make your father think you're delicate, I want to know details! I'm done not asking questions, I'm done waiting for you to come to me, because you haven't so far and you probably never will! You always skirt around the issues, and I care about you too damn much to keep watching you do this to yourself without knowing why!"

"Stop, stop shouting at me, do you really think this is helping?!" she cried. "They can probably hear you, do you want to exposes me?!"

"Of course not, I sent a silencing charm the moment the doors were shut – if you were paying the even the slightest bit of attention to anything but yourself, you should and would have noticed! I've even taken the transfiguration spells off your face, so you can go to the hospital wing, how out of it are you?!" he continued before chucking the hair restoration potion at her which she drank down glaring at him the whole time.

"Why are you making me change back, why are you making me go to the hospital wing – you're wasting precious practice time!" she shouted hating him for giving her no choice in the matter.

He laughed "Don't tell me you actually think I'm going to let you back in there again today – training is over until you start explaining!" he told her forcefully meaning every word.

"Stop it!" she stressed again her voice losing it strength.

"NO! You're scaring me – that out there scared me!" He shouted before choking on his words a little. "Look, when you first told me about being sick as I kid, I took y your word that you were better and I assumed that there had been no long term damage because you didn't tell me otherwise, but I was wrong wasn't I?" he questioned furiously.

"I knew there had to be more to it, especially once we started to really practice and I noticed your quick deterioration towards the end of work outs. What the hell happened Lily, I let it go before because I was content to only know the basics, but things are different now. If you have a health problem I need to know. Fuck, I knew your father couldn't be that protective over something that happened years ago, but I foolishly dismissed the feeling because I didn't want to believe you would lie to me like that. I was wrong to trust you though, wasn't I?"

"Wasn't I?!" he roared when she didn't answer.

"Yes, yes okay I did lie, but I didn't mean to lie to you. I've been lying, but not for the reasons you think! My father has always been unreasonably overprotective – but he was getting better, much better – until…"

"Until?" James prompted crossly.

She glared at him before finishing her sentence: "Until I was attacked this summer."

"Attacked?" he asked his face draining of colour having not expected that announcement, not sure how many more surprises he could take today.

"Yeah, at Diagon Alley."

"Wait…" he said, rubbing his forehead roughly. "Just wait, you were there when the attack happened this summer, you got caught up in the middle of that –?" when he saw her face he laughed hollowly. "Oh, of course you were.... How the hell did you keep that a secret?! It was all over the papers."

She ignored his last question and replied with a shrug. "Yeah, I was there, I was picking up my supplies."

"How bad is it?" he asked finding it hard to get air in to his lungs "How much danger have I been putting you in by allowing you to exert yourself like this, how much danger have you been putting yourself in?"

When she didn't answer he looked at the ground, taking her silence to mean that it was just as bad as he'd imagined it could be, and whispered: "Maybe you shouldn't be dueling."

"Stop," she demanded. "Don't you dare tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing, not you, James, never you. Please," She pled, and when James finally looked up again she was right in front of him gripping onto the front of his robes.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with me anymore, I promise," she said, pulling him closer for emphasis. "I've just been working so hard, to impress my dad when the time comes, to impress you so that I don't let you down. I'm sorry, I'll lay off it a little, it won't happen again. Please, I'm so sorry I frightened you!"

James shook his head, but whether it was to disagree with her or just to shake loose some of the thoughts whirling in his head neither of them knew.

"Look," she started, frantic to tell him everything, to make him feel less used. "That time when I was a kid; I was sick, really sick, I'd contracted a variation of Dragon flu and I went a month without treatment."

"A month!" he groaned leaning his head against her shoulder for a moment "Fuck how the hell… you should be… a month?!"

"Yeah, a month and – and I nearly died, if that witch hadn't found me when she did – even if she'd been only a couple of days later I… I wouldn't have made it."

He looked up sharply and started to return the fierce grip she had yet to release him from and when she look in to his eyes she thought he looked frightened that she might slip away.

"But I did make it," she whispered reassuringly. "Admittedly, it took me a long time to recover… so long," she said, looking off to a spot behind him and remembering things James couldn't imagine.

"The process was painful and slow but I did get better, I was better well before I ever came to Hogwarts."

"But?" he whispered, his face strained his hands still holding her to him fiercely.

"But apparently there was a long term side effect that couldn't have been predicted and may not even have been discovered if I hadn't been in Diagon alley during the attack."

"What happened?" he whispered, maneuvering her even closer to him, needing the reassurance of her contact, she complied needing his support as well, wrapping her arm around his waist.

"Some of the passers-by built up a bit of a resistance trying to hold them off until the Aurors arrived."

"And you were one of them," he said, stating a fact instead of asking a question

"Of course, how could I not – I couldn't just – just leave when so many people were just panicking and trying to save themselves not caring who they trampled on over or through to get out of the line of fire. Don't you see, I had to stay and help!" she told him desperately.

"I understand," he said truthfully, "you couldn't do anything less and I wouldn't like you like I do if you were the kind of person who runs away at the first sign of trouble."

She gave him a relived smile before carrying on wanting to get it all out while she had the opportunity "Anyway, the group got separated, we tried our best to stay together but none of us were trained and… and—" she said her arms tightening even further around his waist.

He smoothed a reassuring hand down her back and she shook herself for succumbing to self-pity. "I was hit with something and left in agony for what felt like hours, but I'm told it couldn't have been more than ten minutes – they think it was the Cruciatus."

He inhaled sharply.

"They can't really specify what it was though because I had such an unusual reaction to it," she said, wanting to get this part over with as quickly as possible.

"Unusual?"

"Yeah, the Cruciatus curse attacks the central nervous system and spreads the pain outwards from there, through all the nerve endings. Even under normal circumstances the curse is terrible, but with my old illness the effects were exacerbated it and it hurt twice as much and took me twice as long to recover from–"

"The Stinging hex is from the same family of spells as the Cruciatus curse," he mumbled quietly.

"Yeah, it is," she agreed. "It's a hex that gets under your skin and stings you from the inside out by praying on your nerve endings, the Cruciatus is exactly the same thing just on a larger scale.. I think that perhaps when I got hit this summer, it opened up an old wound or flaw or something and now variations of that specific spell – spells that attack the nervous system – well… I think they must all affect me quite violently, just to varying degrees depending on intent and type."

"I didn't know that would happen though," she said, pointing back to the room where the team was still practicing. "I haven't had the stinging hex put on me in years, and I haven't had any other reactions since the summer. Please, you have to believe me – please – I thought I was fine, I am fine. It's true that I've been tired after practices and it seems to take me longer than it should to recover, I've been getting lots of bruises and stuff that take forever to heal, but I didn't think anything of it, I just though I needed to get used it, that it was normal. I would never purposefully lie to you – I didn't even realise something was still wrong. I'm sorry, I so sorry," she said starting to get a little hysterical.

"Okay, okay," James sighed finally giving in, when her eyes started to tear. He ran his fingers through her hair until his hand rested on the back of her head and pulled her forward until her forehead was resting on his.

"Okay, calm down," he repeated, wrapping his other hand around her waist when he felt a tiny tremor run through her body "I'm sorry, I'm just worried, I don't think I've ever been that frightened in my life, but…but I trust you to know your own body and make your own decisions, but I swear if anything like that happens again I will drag you to the hospital wing kicking and screaming, then kick you off the dueling team and then I'll contact your father myself and give him my own recommendation that you should be locked away in a tower where you can be kept safe and sound for the rest of eternity."

She chuckled, but he didn't share her mirth. "Do you understand me?" he said, clenching his hand into a fist at the back of her head.

"I understand," she said quietly, her smile fading.

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. I l...like – like you so much, I don't know how I would cope without you."

"Yeah, after all who would pretend to be your girlfriend?" she teased gently, trying to lighten his mood.

Sometimes I wonder if we're really pretending anymore, he thought to himself before pulling her forward another inch, leaning in and kissing her.

He pulled away just as quickly as he'd made contact and made one last plea, "Please don't ever scare me like that again."

Before she had a chance to reply James heard someone opening the door to the dueling room and he quickly shoved Lily into a nearby alcove covering her body with his trying to conceal the outfit she was still wearing, hoping to anyone who was listening that whoever came out of that room would not be observant enough, or interested enough, to notice Lily was wearing the same clothes that Evan had left in.

"Err, guys what the hell are you doing?" asked Sirius looking at the two of them as if they'd grown two heads.

Before answering James took one more look at Lily's flushed face just to make absolutely sure that she looked like Lily and not like Evan – that would have been awkward and very difficult to explain.

They gave each other long looks obviously both having the same thought, before they both started to chuckle

"Nothing mate, just a row that's been brewing for a while, we're good now though."

"Okay," was the drawn out reply and James could have sworn Sirius's eyes went to Lily's workout joggers, but he continued without mentioning it. "But do you think you could come back in – I know the idea must seem preposterous when you have a beautiful girl in your arms," he winked at Lily, "but sometimes there are more important things than snogging – one being an entire dueling team waiting for their captain to come back so they can get back to training for the tournament that's coming up after Christmas."

James snorted and Lily smiled both of them acknowledging the truth of Sirius's statement.

"I'm coming," he said to Sirius waiting for the boy to leave before pulling away from Lily. Once it was safe, he said: "You still have to go to the hospital wing," before he turned to go, but Lily stopped him with a hand on his wrist before he entered the room.

"James?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking back at her, she noticed something had changed in the way he looked at her, it was softer somehow and she could see his underlying respect and it made her want to melt on the spot but instead of dwelling on the wonderful feeling that thought gave her she asked: "Would you help me try and build up an immunity, I can't afford to have this kind of weakness during the tournament?"

James opened his mouth to deny her, and list all the reasons why it was a bad idea; the main one being that he didn't think he could purposefully hurt her like that. It was one thing to throw everything he had at her during dueling practice, it was quite another to throw something at her when he knew she couldn't defend against it and he knew was going to affect her immensely.

"We'll start small," she said, stopping him before he could argue, "but it needs to be done, and if you won't help me, I'll have to find someone who will…"

He looked shocked by her threat, but his resolve weakened when she finished quietly by saying: "but I'd really rather it be you, I don't trust anyone they way I trust you."

Hearing her say that he knew there was nothing else he could do but nod his assent, albeit reluctantly.

And Lily smiled feeling like a weight had been lifted.

"James," she called one last time, walking straight up to him.

"Yeah?" he frowned when he wasn't able to decipher the look on her face.

"Thank you", she said quietly before pushing up on her toes and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. "Thank you so much," she repeated her lips lingering on his mouth for another second before she turned and headed towards the Hospital wing.

And James could do nothing, but watch her go until she was completely out of sight, a small smile curling the corners of his mouth.

---

AN

A WEEK people – I updated after only ONE WEEK – I think that definitely deserves a review! Pretty please?

Unfortunately the next chapter is far from done – seeing as I can't even find the stuff I wrote for it ages ago so I am having to start from scratch! Ergh!

Enjoy and thank you so much for your reviews – the response to the last chap was amazing

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