A/N: Well, this one's been floating around, developing between me and my friend Sammantha, and now it's here to amuse all you darling readers. Please read and review, they give me extra fuel for the fire of my creativity.

Disclaimer - I don't own it, so please don't sue.

Rating: K+ (for mild violent imagery)

Alice, the White Queen's 'champion', was in the heat of battle with the mighty Jabberwocky. His great, spiked tail had just knocked her to the ground, and, as she scrambled to retrieve the vorpal sword, the Hatter had the nerve to prick the Jabberwock's tail. The Red Queen saw this and shouted, in her horribly grating voice, "The Hatter is interfering! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!"

At this, myself and the entirety of the Red Army engaged the White Army. I, of course, headed straight for that treasonous wretch, Tarrant Hightopp, and we began combat. Either I underestimated him or maybe his insanity lent him some measure of strength, because we were fairly matched. We traded several blows, me swinging and him blocking, and when I dealt a vicious downward slice, his sword came up to block.

We both did our best to deflect each other's blades, but, without missing a beat, the Hatter pulled a hatpin from his sleeve and stuck me in the eye, much as he did to the Jabberwocky's tail. Our swords slipped apart and he arced, as though to knock mine from my hand, but I, with one hand over my eye, shouted loud and clear, "Whoa, whoa! STOP! Everybody stop!" I lowered my hand so I could point at the Hatter, while everyone, including the two champions, all stood in a confused silence. "That was such a cheap shot!"

The Hatter had the decency to look at least mildly abashed. "It was the only thing I had handy..." He muttered, "I didn't want to lose the fight..." Shaking with rage, I shouted, "So you decided to jab me in my ONE good eye with a HATPIN?!" The Jabberwocky looked at Alice and said "He is right...that was a cheap shot..." Alice nodded and said "I may not want to lose but attacking someone like that is way too low a blow." Tarrant's eyes flash orange briefly and he shouted, "I didn't want to die, what else was I supposed to do?!?" and ran off with his arms flailing madly above his head into the Tulgey Wood. I looked around, slightly perturbed, and said, "Well...carry on..." I then sat at the edge of the battlefield, nomming on a delicious grilled cheese sammich, until Alice finally slew the Jabberwock.

FIN.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one, it's been lots of fun writing it.

Until next time,
~Kidonia