Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.

A/N: This was a one-shot entry to the Slash Backslash Contest that I am turning into a three-shot. Enjoy!

Jacob's POV

Words would never be adequate to explain it.

I figured that I owed it to her to explain, but even with our little compromise, I still couldn't. I knew she loved Jasper fiercely, quietly, eternally, and that together she and I both had only Jasper's best interests in mind. There was no man, or being, on this planet loved more than Jasper Whitlock Hale. Knowing that endeared me to the pixie a little more, but I still wanted to keep a piece of Jasper to myself.

People talk about life-changing experiences, but they have no idea. My dad once told me about the time he almost drowned when he was a kid. He was horsing around with his friends at the beach and they went swimming out too far. He was pulled under an undertow, probably near the very place I had to swim to in order to rescue Bella from her supposedly non-suicidal foray into cliff-diving. Man, that seemed like so long ago.

Anyway, my dad explained that as he was being tugged helplessly down, as his lungs burned with the need for oxygen, he could see moments of his short life flash before his field of vision.

Imprinting was like that, in a way, but I was pretty sure it didn't really come close.

My life did flash before my eyes in that moment when I met those regretful golden eyes, but it wasn't just my past. Those memories were dull in comparison to the future I could see, and by future, I mean Jasper. I saw his golden waves, his sparkling gold eyes that pierced my into my soul. Mostly I saw his smile, his brilliant white teeth, even his sharpened incisors were as beautiful as gleaming weapons could be.

In an instant, he became my world.

Everything I had gone through with Bella faded into the white noise of static.

I didn't know much about Jasper up to that point. He had taught my brothers, well, and Leah, how to fight newborn vampires, but at the time I was still convinced that I was in love with Bella, and protecting her was my top priority. That and trying to get under the skin of her bloodsucker, er, Edward.

Old habits die hard.

The day she gave birth to Nessie changed my life in a way I never could have imagined.

I saw Blondie cradling the infant in the Cullen's living room. I considered attacking, and even though it shames me to think about it now, I wanted to. I wanted to destroy the demon spawn and every single one of the undead freaks of nature that took Bella away from me. I heard her heart stop beating.

Something stopped me.

I didn't know it at the time, but that something was Jasper.

As soon as I bolted from the house, I calmed down almost immediately. The fight in me left.

Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to leave the Cullen territory. Something, a force, was keeping me there.

I stayed outside the house, pacing back and forth for what felt like hours until the leech, er, Edward came out. I could see the agony on his face at what he had done. We had a long conversation, man to man, about what had transpired between us the past year. I finally understood, to some extent, why he had done the things he had done. Why he left. Why he agreed to Bella's transformation. Ultimately, from his eyes, it was his own selfish need to have her in his life that made him perform the transformation in the end. Even though at this point, I was still convinced that I at least had loved Bella, the conversation shifted and I was consoling him. It was Bella who chose to carry the little nudger to term. Even when it started to kill her. It was her stubbornness that eventually won, and we both had to accept that.

Edward asked me when I had gotten so smart.

I stayed until Bella's transformation was complete. I justified it to myself and to Seth and Leah with the explanation that I was doing patrols. We still had the vampire mafia to watch out for after all as I tried to ignore the unfathomable pull.

The day that she was officially a vampire, that pull became too great, and I nearly forced myself into the house. Yet, just as I reached Bella, and felt the flutter of someone leaving the room at inhuman speed, it was gone.

I couldn't explain it then, but I know now that it was due to Jasper leaving the room.

I almost immediately felt the love, the force I thought was connecting me to Bella vanish. It felt like my soul was being wrenched from my body. The agony was indescribable.

Everyone else present thought it was the pain of seeing Bella's human essence gone, but in the back of my mind, in my heart, I knew that wasn't it. It was clear that I had to get out of there, though. The atmosphere in the house felt so empty, I felt choked.

When I ran from the Cullen house that day, I really didn't have any idea where I was running. I really didn't even have any coherent thoughts in my head. The animal side of me just told me to run. Bella was a monster and nothing was ever going to be the same again. It's impossible now, not to appreciate how right she is in her vampire form. There was always something a little off about Bella, and I mean that in the best possible way, but it's almost as if she was destined to take on that form. Her pale skin, her mental strength, her ability to endure pain, her beauty. Now I can appreciate the way she embodies these qualities.

Back then, the instant I saw her, I just knew that I was meant for something else.

I saw him sitting there, still as a statue, staring off into nothing. I phased immediately, unconsciously, even though I didn't have the foresight to bring any clothes with me. Somehow I didn't think I should feel any shame around Jasper, and his head gave a perceptible nod to me as if he sensed my hesitation.

I sat down next to him and he exhaled.

"Sorry my junk's out in the open," I joked.

He turned to me, to tell me that it was okay, that it was nothing he hadn't seen before, but his words died in his throat.

Our eyes met.

And that was it.

I knew what had happened immediately, and the only thought I could hold in my head was, "fuck."

I phased.

I ran.

And ran.

And ran.

Until I was thoroughly exhausted.

Then, I ran some more.

I knew that I was nearing the Arctic circle. The fir trees were starting to get more sparse as taiga was beginning to transform into the desolate tundra.

I stopped.

I could feel him near me. Even if my senses weren't so acute in my wolf form, I knew through our bond that he was downwind of me.

The tension in the air was thick.

A wave of calm seemed to blanket me as Jasper stepped tentatively closer to me.

Our eyes met and I finally resigned. We needed to talk.

There were three things I could think of that needed discussing. One, was the fact that I was fairly certain I wasn't gay and I was pretty sure the beautiful – yes, I could admit he was beautiful – blond had been heterosexual when I was assaulted with the feeling I now knew to be love. Second, was the fact that he had a mate and the unexpected workings of fate sort of neglected to consider that when I imprinted on him. Third, was the fact that I knew from Bella and from being around the Cullen house the past few months that Jasper had a lot of trouble controlling his lust for human blood, and my blood, though I wasn't entirely human, was still very much flowing through me. And, I wanted to keep it that way.

Even though it was bitterly cold, I phased back into my human form. My temperature ran high, but I still noticed the cold. Jasper took the shirt off his back and handed it to me silently. It wasn't much, but it helped.

Without words we made a makeshift camp in a cluster of fir trees. When Jasper was able to start a fire with nothing but two sticks, I couldn't help but be impressed with his survival skills and obvious military training. He told me later that he could feel the pride coming off me as I watched him, and knowing that I was proud of him was enough reassurance for him to open up to me.

Eventually when the fire was going, the brush was cleared, and we were adequately sheltered from the wind, we sat down, side by side once again.

"Look, I'm not good at this," he started. "I've never been much good at this."

I was used to bantering with Edward. It didn't occur to me how much being able to read someone's thoughts made conversations take place so fluidly. Already, I felt that Jasper was closer to an equal, and he viewed me as such as well.

"I love you," he blurted out disrupting me from my thoughts.

My heart skipped a beat.

Wait, wasn't this happening in the wrong order? It didn't occur to me that he would accept me so willingly. Most of the reason why I ran was fear. Fear for what this meant for me, yes, but mostly fear of rejection. All the times I had thought and daydreamed about imprinting, it involved me wooing a woman, usually Bella, having to convince her that I was a worthy partner. Never in my dreams did my imprint just fall in love with me immediately. Science fiction, maybe, but this certainly wasn't a fairy tale.

I wanted to say it back. I desperately wanted to say it back, but I didn't have a century of emotional training under my belt. I surely felt the love for Jasper, but it was all a jumble with the other things I still felt – the fear, the doubt, the confusion, the shock that hadn't quite worn off. Plus, there was the elephant in the room, well, in the shelter anyway, that needed addressing.

I shifted uncomfortably for a few moments before speaking what was on my mind.

"Alice," I croaked out. I didn't even try to cover the sadness. It seemed to be my lot in life to want people who were already attached.

There was a pregnant pause before I heard Jasper take a deep breath he didn't need.

"She's my mate, Jacob. That didn't go away when you..."

He trailed off and winced. He could feel my pain, the dagger that was twisting into my heart with his words. He loved me, but it wasn't enough. I was never enough. Forever in second place. Always a bridesmaid.

He grabbed my hand before I could get up. Had his reflexes not been unearthly quick, I shudder to think what drastic measures I may have taken.

If Jasper rejected me, then I had absolutely no reason to continue living.

But, I could feel his eyes on me, imploring me to look. I told myself that it was just a taste, that I shouldn't torture myself over those golden pools. Then when I looked into them, I saw it. He hadn't been spouting empty words.

He loved me.

He wanted me.

He was torn, and I was part of the cause.

For some insane reason, I suddenly felt that I should be comforting him.

My body reacted before I did, and before I could think about it, I was enveloping the hard vampire's body in an embrace. I tried not to notice how right his body felt against mine. I tried to keep the unwanted feelings of lust at bay that started creeping through me the moment his skin had touched mine. The embrace lasted much longer than would have been socially acceptable for two men to share in public, but we weren't in public, and I was pretty sure that not all of the lust I was feeling was mine.

"I can't choose," Jasper's voice was hollow but gravely serious as we pulled apart. "You can't ask me to choose. I'd die without either of you in my life."

I swallowed. I couldn't be the cause of his pain. He was my life now.

"What," I stuttered. "What capacity do you think I could be in your life?"

"My partner, my lover, my mate," he said almost immediately.

"But you already have all of those things," my voice broke.

"I'm a monster, Jake. A horrible monster. I'm a lecher. Because, I want you to be those things, too."

I couldn't stop the tear from escaping my eye. I closed them both tightly to stop the flow, but I could feel a cool fingertip follow the one that managed to run down my cheek and to my jaw.

When I thought I had the waterworks under control, I opened my eyes back into those amber orbs, and I knew then that there was no way I could fight it. I would move mountains for Jasper. I was at his mercy and would do anything I could to ensure his safety and his happiness.

"We'll have to find a way to make it work," I whispered. I needed him in my life permanently to ever feel right again.

Luckily for me, the beam of love I felt radiating from him in that moment was enough to leave me breathless.

I closed my eyes and leaned forward. I felt his face nearing mine and then suddenly my lips met with cold marble.

Cold, exquisite marble.

I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest.

My warm lips formed around his. After the initial shock of just how solid he was, I was pleasantly surprised at how pliable his lips became. I could almost feel him melt into my touch, or at least, I knew he wanted to and somehow, he let me feel that.

He didn't need to breathe, but I couldn't stay joined at his lips forever, so eventually I broke away.

"Wow," the word lamely feel out of my mouth.

Jasper's response was to throw himself even closer to me.

Eventually we tumbled to the ground. Or rather, I attacked and he played along, falling gently to the ground, pulling me on top of him, or lips still hungrily exploring the other's skin.

Jasper was beautiful, I could admit it now without any weirdness. He was covered in scars that were hardly visible to the human eye, though more apparent to my acute senses. His body was all angles and planes, the appeal of which I had never before considered. My lips roamed his body, only halting when our hips lined up and I felt his hardness swell beside mine.

"Shit..." I eloquently groaned.

A muffled epithet came out of Jasper's lips as well.

I wasn't expecting it to feel so, well, so mind-blowing. I was a virgin, never rounding third base with a girl. I had certainly never even thought about being with a man until that very day, but something about Jasper's hard body underneath me felt so right. Like there was a piece of me that had been missing, a hole in my physical existence that could only be filled by the 150-year-old, former Confederate soldier-turned-vampire who was falling to pieces at my touch.

And, making me fall to pieces with his.

I lost myself in his touch. His lips and his cold hands ghosted over my body, and I just gave in to the new world of sensations.

He flipped me over so quickly and gracefully, I barely felt the air rushing around me until I found myself on the ground. He pressed his weight down on me gently, thrusting slowly against me, and almost lovingly. The fabric of his jeans adding to the sensation. He growled in my ear with the sweetest sound that had ever hit my ears.

I'm not sure how it got to this point so quickly. I could almost feel the lust inside me starting to build like the fire crackling beside us.

I was about ready to shred the remained of his clothes when his firm hands gripped my waist.

"Wait a second, darlin'"

If you had told me 24 hours prior that my heart would flutter at hearing myself referred to as "darlin'" by another man, I probably would have punched you in the face, but to hear the term of endearment slip so easily out of his mouth, well, let's just say that if I hadn't already been 100% sure that I was hopelessly in love with Jasper before, I certainly was then.

"We have to think about this."

"What's there to think about?" I said, a pang of distress washed over me as the feelings of rejection began to resurface.

He reassured me silently. I was grateful both for his ability to calm me and for his foresight not to say anything about it so as not to embarrass me. I was quickly turning into a girl.

He hesitated for a split second, considering me for a moment.

"You're going to have to top."

I blushed.

I hadn't really thought about the mechanics of gay sex before. In fact, before about five minutes ago, the question of whether I was a top or a bottom was totally irrelevant to my existence. Somehow, I just assumed without conscious thought that he would want to be the one to take control. He was the experienced one, way more experienced, I realized. Suddenly, nerves started to overtake me. I could feel another wave of reassurance come over me.

"But... but..." I sputtered.

"I refuse to hurt you, Jake," he said fiercely. "You're strong, I know, but... I can't lose control with you."

"Is this about," I swallowed hard. "My blood?"

"No, it's not that. Not really. Your scent, oh Jacob, your scent is intoxicating, but there's no risk of me indulging in a taste. It's too precious to me. I don't think I could fully explain it to you. No, I can't top because I think I could lose myself and my sanity in the feel of your body around me. I couldn't bear to hurt you if things got too rough and I let my instincts take over."

"Oh," I breathed, but he still sensed my apprehension.

"Think about it, darlin'. You can have your way with me, do whatever you want to me. You can pound into me as hard as you want, for as long as you want. I'll never get tired. Never get hurt. Never complain."

There was no hiding the extent of my arousal now.

He repeated in a low, breathy drawl, "Whatever you want to me."

"Fuck," I whispered.

It took me less than 10 seconds before my beautiful, sexy as hell vampire was naked beneath me.

The first time we made love I wanted to face him. We were outside, in the middle of the Canadian forest. There wasn't a soul around to hear us or interrupt us or judge us. Even the wildlife had been scared away by our presence, predators that we were. It was nearly perfect.

"You won't hurt me," he said with confidence. He knew I was stalling as I took in our surroundings.

"But I want it to feel good for you."

His eyes zeroed in on my hard member, sizing me up, so to speak. "Oh, it will feel good."

"You think you can handle this?" I said cockily.

He grinned. I knew that I would give my left nut to see him make that grin again and again.

My apprehension left me and somehow my instincts took over. Instincts that I was a little disturbed to even have. I put a finger in my mouth, coating it with my saliva, nature's lubricant, and pressed it slowly into Jasper's hole. It was warmer and softer than the rest of his body, and I was surprised at how comfortable I felt with the action. I slid it in and out, eventually adding another and another. A few times I managed to brush the bundle of nerves of his prostate, and based on his reaction, there was no doubt left in my mind that I could make him feel good.

We were so closely in tune with each other that I didn't need to speak. Our body language and eye contact was enough for me to understand his every thought and every need in that moment.

I did my best to lubricate myself, and then I was ready.

There was no going back.

I plunged into the tight darkness.

An inhuman groan escaped my lips.

The tightness that had so generously granted my fingers access felt a million times better around my dick. My traitorous, virginal body wasn't going to last long, but somehow I knew it didn't matter to Jasper. He was doing this for me as much as I was doing it for him.

Without thinking, I grabbed his cock that was throbbing between us and began to stroke it as best I could while I started to come undone. His hand covered mine and together we increased the speed. It didn't take long before the heat and tightness flooding to my groin exploded in supernova of pleasure. My hand continued to pump him to completion, but I barely registered his own orgasm as he spasmed beneath me.

It was the only thing I had seen him do that was not completely graceful.

I collapsed on top of him and he held onto me so lovingly, I almost cried, but eventually a smug grin crossed my face when I thought about the power I had to ruffle the quiet man's demeanor.

I was pulled out of my reminiscing by a soft knock on my door. Alice was going to help me pack my few belongings to move into our new place on the Cullen property.

"Humor her," Jasper had whispered to me before he had left for a brotherly hunting trip with Emmett and Edward.

I'd give Alice as much as I could, because she needed to know how deeply my love for Jasper ran, but I could never tell her everything. She was part of my future, a friend, a confident, and a lover, but she had decades with Jasper before I came into the picture.

I had a weekend in the Canadian taiga.

It was the one piece of Jasper that was mine.

I wasn't going to give that up.