A/N: Don't kill me I know it has been FOREVER but I have been dealing with a lot. I'm not even going to go into it. The point is I am back!!

Just to warn you this chapter gets a little dark toward the end so those of you not comfortable with Slight violence, rape, or self harm I will put a warning before hand so you can just skip over.

Enjoy

B pov

As Alice pulled me into the embrace of our friends and family I couldn't help but notice just how much I missed everyone.

"Bella honey." Came the all too familiar voice of my second mother. I looked over and saw Esme rushing toward me, she grabbed me in a tight embrace and I felt so safe I almost wanted to cry. "Sweetie we missed you so much." She said with tears in her eyes.

"I know I missed you too, all of you, but I'm home now." I said just realizing how true that statement was, Forks will always be my real home. As soon as Esme released me Carlisle embraced me in a fatherly hug I tensed and had to remind myself that Carlisle loved me and would not hurt me. I think he noticed my stiff posture but didn't say anything when he released me. Alice quickly rushed over with an extremely gorgeous guy about our age he seemed well built and quite tall maybe 6'2 he had blond shaggy hair and ice blue eyes that seemed all too similar to his. I repressed a shudder but this man who I'm assuming is Jasper his eyes seemed soft nonthreatening.

"Bella I want to introduce you to the love of my life Jasper Whitlock, Jasper this is my best friend of all time Bella Swan." She said with a huge grin. Jasper extended his hand. "It is nice to finally meet you Bella." He said with a slight southern drawl and a big smile.

"It is nice to meet you too Jasper, I see someone is finally able to put up with our little ball of energy." I smiled at Alice. She was practically bouncing she was so excited.

"Hey squirt I want you to meet someone." Emmet yelled across the room as he forced his way through the room full of people who all turned to me the second he yelled. Of course being me I blushed ten shades of red. As he approached I noticed a tall gorgeous blond on his arm who I could only assume is Rosalie.

"Bella I want you to meet my girlfriend Rosalie, Rosalie this is my baby sister Bella." He said sounding very proud.

"Hey Bella it's nice to finally meet you although between Alice and Emmet I feel like I already know you." She smiled giving me a hug.

"It's nice to meet you to Rosalie." I said once she released me.

People began mingling and Alice dragged me from group to group of people who I barley remembered but was forced to make polite conversation with. I was asked the typical questions by the adults my plans for school, major, typical stuff about my future any questions about home I avoided with ease and it didn't seem anyone noticed. The crowd began to thin around six and by seven the house was empty except for us kids, Carlisle and Esme.

We were all spread out in the living room when Carlisle and Esme walked in looking dressed up. "Kids your father and I are going to have drinks with the millers, we won't be back until late." Esme said walking out with Carlisle but she turned with a last minute thought. "Be good." She said with a pointed look at Emmet.

The second we heard the car pull away Alice jumped up. "Let the fun begin." She said running out of the room. She returned with three bottles and I realized I would soon regret this night. She set the bottles of Vodka, Tequila, and Black Velvet on the table and motioned for us to join her around it.

"The name of the game is truth, dare, or drink." She stated simply. She passed a shot glass to each of us and explained the rules. "It's simple you pick truth, dare, or you take a shot." She grinned. "Since it's my game I'm going to go first." She looked to me. "Bella"

"Truth" I sighed

"Did you have a boyfriend back in Phoenix?" She asked smiling at me but she kept glancing at Edward.

"Nope" I said turning to Emmet.

"Emmet"

"Truth" He sat up smug.

"How long has Rosalie lived with you?" I asked trying to sound innocent but I loved the look of shock and fear that was crossing his face. Did he really think I didn't know the house screams a woman loves there.

He finally answered defeated. "About a year and a half."

The game continued a few rounds and we had all had a few shots, ok maybe I had a bit more than a few but they kept asking about home and I just couldn't answer. We were down to just truth at this point after Emmet jumped in the neighbor's pool naked and almost gave an elderly woman a heart attack as he was running home.

Rosalie had just admitted to sleeping with Emmet in the dressing room at Victoria's secret when she turned to me. "Bella are you still a virgin?" She asked. It was an innocent question but she had no idea what that one question could unlock. As I was reaching for the Vodka Alice grabbed it shaking her head.

"Nope you have exceeded your shots for the evening." She said taking my shot glass also. "You have to answer."

I froze I had no idea what to say. I am a terrible liar but I can't tell them the truth but what choice do I have. As I waged my internal battle I could feel all eyes on me waiting for a response.

"No" I said quietly looking at my hands. I dared to look at my friends and didn't like what I saw. Jasper and Rosalie looked indifferent, Alice looked shocked and a little hurt, and Edward and Emmet looked ready to kill. I quickly asked Jasper a random question trying o advert the attention elsewhere. My answer seemed to be forgotten until it was Edwards turn.

"Since nobody else is going to ask I guess I will." He said with an icy tone. "How old were you when you lost it?" He asked sounding like the thought caused him pain even though he was trying to sound indifferent.

Again the internal battle waged on in my mind. If I lie they will know, if I tell the truth they with think I am a whore and ask questions, what does it matter they already think I am a whore and they will ask questions ether way. "Thirteen"

I made the mistake of looking shock and well shock covered all their faces, Emmet was the first to recover and I really wish he wasn't. He jumped up. "THIRTEEN! YOU WERE THIRTEEN YEARS OLD! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, HOW COULD YOU BE THAT STUPID, DIDN'T MOM RAISE YOU BETTER THEN THAT, DO YOU NOT HAVE MORALS, INTEGRETY? I'M GLAD DAD IS DEAD BECAUSE IF HE SAW YOU NOW HE WOULD BE ASHAMED, I KNOW I AM."

"Emmet that is enough!" Rosalie said in a quiet but stern voice shutting him up right away.

I was about two seconds from an all out break down. I had to leave now. "I'm not feeling well I should go." I said ignoring their protests as I walked out. I could not break down in front of them.

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I made it to my bathroom just in time to lock the door as the memories flooded back.

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Warning this scene contains adult content including violence, rape, and self harm

I was just beginning to dose off with a smile happy I had avoided the wrath of Phil all day. I was very proud except for the odd looks he all but ignored me today. When my door creaked open I jumped slightly why was Phil coming in this late. He stalked toward my bed with a weird look on his face. He sat down on my bed and slowly pulled back my covers.

"Phil what are you doing" I asked quietly for fear of being slapped.

"Shut up you little whore, your mom has been gone for a couple days and won't be back till Friday, a man has needs, and I think it's time you took care of mine. I started to shake he couldn't do that to me, he's not that evil. But I was wrong. He began fondling me over my cloths but soon tired of that proceeding to undress me, I tried to scream but that only made him mad. Every time I made a noise he would slap me so I soon just lay there quietly and cried as he stole my innocence. That night was the first time he raped me but it wasn't the last. When he was done he stood up and walked out.

"You should be thinking me nobody is ever going to want you, your nothing but a whore. Your damaged goods." With that he walked out and left me to cry myself to sleep.

I turned on the water to fill the tub and began to undress staring at myself in the mirror disgusted with what I saw. I was nothing but damaged goods, I am disgusting. Emmet was right dad would be ashamed of me. Phil was right I'm nothing but a whore I'm unlovable.

With the tub filled I reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out my only friend the only thing that keeps me sane. I lowered myself into the tub letting the scalding hot water relax me as I indulged myself in a razorblade kiss.

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END WARNING

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A/N: ok so what do you think? Love it? Hate it? I don't care just review! If I can get 10 reviews I may have another chapter for you by Friday… =)