Prompt #2: Ain't No Sunshine when you're gone ~1000 word requirement
In the beginning I wanted to hate him. Well, maybe not, hate, exactly, but resent the hell out of him. Here was the guy who almost got me kicked out of the Academy, who didn't listen when I tried to convey, as urgently as possible, that engaging Nero was the better idea. I mean, join the rest of the fleet, really? When the crazy Romulan had just blown up a planet and was insanely eager to blow up a few more? In what universe do we let overly obsessive maniacs get away with that kind of shit? I don't care that we were outgunned. Did anyone tell Attila the Hun that he was outgunned when he took on Rome -- with spears? Or the Zulu when they took on the musket wielding expansionists -- with spears? Or Chief Sitting Bull when he took on the rifle wielding General Custer -- with spears? No they did not. Obviously the damn Vulcan had never heard the phrase that a man defending his home was worth a thousand gigantic mining spaceships from a hundred years in the future, but I digress.
So yes, resentment should have been mine to own, particularly after the whole marooning thing. On an ice planet. With giant, man-eating lobsters (there might be something to the vegetarian thing, though I'd never admit it to Spock in, well, ever, because me? Totally not eating any crustaceans of any kind ever again). And yes, I still maintain that that particular action was thoroughly against regulation and will to my dying day. But the thing is, Spock has this way of getting under my skin. I know that sounds strange. I can't even explain it in my own head exactly, but there it is.
He's so… smart. Insanely smart. The only person I've ever met, save Bones, who didn't immediately have me thinking, 'I'm willing to bet the stupidity in your family dates back to a Homo Erectus who was idiot enough to fall into a tar pit' the way most people do. The rest of our crew doesn't immediately have me thinking unibrows and 'deer yummy, fire pretty' either, of course, but Spock is different.
He's the only person to really challenge me. I know, I know, that shouldn't be a turn on, right? I mean, I admit it's kind of twisted to be fascinated with someone because they can beat your ass at chess and question every decision you ever make, but the thing is, well, it keeps me on my toes. As Scotty would say, it's exciting.
I can't help it if every time we have a shore leave for any length of time, and Spock utilizes it to visit the Vulcan Colony, I'm a little insecure that he'll be tempted to just stay there and leave Starfleet. I mean, not totally irrational, right? Especially when I consider that he had to be persuaded to join my crew against his first inclination to help establish the colony. I can't help this sneaky suspicion that Spock remains torn about his decision to this day, even after hundreds of after-hours chess games, my trying to be there for him during his period of 'romantic disassociation' from Uhura, and our taking fucking spears for each other on backwater planets. Yes, spears. Take that General Custer.
Am I confident that I can run my ship successfully without Spock there? Yes, I think I can. Do I want to? No. Spock helps the Enterprise run… better. Hell, he just makes everything better. So I think my anxiety is entirely justified.
Returning to Earth for leave is a weird experience. Despite Earth being my home it really doesn't feel like it. A dozen counselors would probably attribute that to my crap childhood and some kind of dissociative disorder, but whatever. Kaiidth, as Spock would say, what is, is. The truth of the matter is that the Enterprise feels more like a home after one year serving on her than Earth did the entire twenty-five years I lived on it.
Is it pathetic that I want this shore leave to be over already, barely a day in? Undoubtedly. I have it on good authority that these things are supposed to be restful, but I can't help but be anything but restless. My rented apartment feels more like a cage, and chilly San Francisco with its bright lights and ocean breeze feels repressive. To be fair to good ol' San Fran, I think anywhere would pale to the Enterprise. I may be a sad, sad little man, but at least I'm under no delusions about it.
I wonder how much of a home the Enterprise would feel like without Spock? Not much. If Spock felt the intent of the Kobayashi Maru was to feel fear, then he would feel slightly vindicated for that whole 'cheating' thing if he saw me now… I don't want him to leave.
Unlike on the Enterprise, falling asleep here on Earth is difficult. I don't know why I even try. I have never been able to sleep while my brain buzzes over a hundred different possible scenarios and the counter-arguments I need to prepare in order to contradict Spock and avoid an unfavorable outcome.
Hearing the buzz of an incoming, prerecorded transmission manages to jolt me out of my reverie, and my anxiety increases exponentially. Who would be sending me messages in the middle of the night?
When I see the patiently exasperated face of my First, I feel my heart stop and all air escape my lungs.
"Jim, I will be returning to the Enterprise in two weeks time." Underscored in the blunt tone was a sincerity that Spock usually reserves for me and me alone. I love this about us. "At that time I expect to find you well rested. If I do not, I shall be severely disappointed. Jim, sleep. I will know when you are not."
I feel my heart start again and my breath return.
The End!