Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: This story is rated M for "Mature." No jokes this time. This chapter contains allusions to acts of a violent and disturbing nature. As usual, if you're not over 18, please don't read. Thanks!

My apologies for the late posting! :)

Playlist song:
http://www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=irp8CNj9qBI

Visit our blog for story background, how we differ from canon vampire lore, teasers, and other information:
http://fragilefoxes[dot]blogspot[dot]com/

Chapter 20: Carry On, Carry On

Edward felt as if his eyes had opened for the first time, as if he were finally seeing the world in its true light. When he had awoke as a vampire so many years ago, he remembered being startled by the amazing clarity of his vision but it was nothing compared to the lucidity he had now gained. The electricity he felt as he touched Bella pushed the fiery pain he had experienced mere hours before out of his mind, letting him bask in the warmth of Bella's love. And it was love. Even though Edward couldn't read her thoughts, he could read her eyes. Bella's love for him was true. It was real. And he would not lose her again.

With a slight pressure on her hand, he led her through the house, quickly pointing out the rooms they passed: the parlor, the library, the conservatory. Distantly he registered that Rosalie was giving a similar tour to Emmett and that his parents had settled on the chaise in Carlisle's office, but he couldn't gather the will to focus on anyone other than Bella. She dominated his thoughts so effectively, everything else just faded into background noise.

He stopped moving when Bella's hand slipped from his. She ducked into the verdant, window-lined room, following the gravel path that led through the indoor garden to a wall of ferns at the far end. Beyond the foliage, she found a tiled area where a grand piano rested. Upon seeing it, she paused to look at him inquiringly.

"Do you still play?" He stood next to her and took her hand in his own again, marveling at the wild, electric arcs that randomly splayed out around them at their touch. This was something he had not anticipated. He knew what they were of course, knew that when their kind found their mates, they knew it without a shadow of a doubt; that the signs were impossible to miss. Although they were only visible to a vampire and his mate, he had seen them in the thoughts of his parents and his friends Carmen and Eleazar. He had even noticed it in Volterra between Afton and his mate. It was never precisely the same from couple to couple, just as love is never the same from one set of lovers to the next, but always it was present, signaling the connection mates shared.

He had always been quite fond of the elegant version Carlisle and Esme shared, the way the air shimmered around them when they gazed deeply into each other's eyes, lighting up as if surrounded by hundreds of tiny fireflies. It hadn't occurred to him to look for something similar between him and Bella, it wasn't something he had been thinking about in the days since he found her, but when she confirmed that the crackles of light that streaked around them was visible only to them, he knew them for what they were immediately.

He stepped closer to her, letting his hand trail slowly up her arm, and her eyes closed as she sighed with pleasure. Edward was rewarded with a chaotic swirl in the current around them, spiking and swaying between neon lavender and near-black violet. It was as beautiful as she was when she shivered at his touch. Her eyes opened again and she smiled, half shy at her response, half amused because he had clearly intended to discompose her. His purpose was belied by his crooked smile.

"Do you?" she pressed and his smile widened.

"I do. And as I recall, I never got the chance to play for you when we courted." He gestured to the grand piano that stood before them. "Would you care to be serenaded, my fair lady?" She smiled and nodded regally. He led her forward, holding her hand firmly in his own until she was seated next to him on the bench. Now it was Edward's turn to be shy and he closed his eyes and let his fingers find their place among the keys. As the notes flowed forth, slowly at first and then trilling out more quickly, Edward poured his love and sorrow into the song. When he finished he looked up at Bella and found her watching him inscrutably.

"Did you know I can hear thoughts?" He reached past her shoulders and snagged a lock of her long, dark hair, rubbing it gently between his fingers. She shook her head and he continued, "Ever since I awoke, I've been able to hear what those around me are thinking. I don't have to touch them to do it; it just comes: unbidden and for the most part unwanted."

He watched Bella's face as she took a second to processes that.

"Is it like Aro? I know that you went to Volterra to find me," she admitted softly before continuing, "that you met him. Do you see everything someone's ever thought without touching them?"

Edward shook his head lightly. "No, I'm not as powerful as Aro. I just hear what's going through someone's mind as they're thinking it."

Bella's eyes widened as she considered what an asset that would be for the Volturi. "How far away can you be from someone and still hear them?"

"Pretty far," Edward shrugged. "I've never really tested it, it's clearer if I'm specifically listening for someone. But it doesn't work on you." The tilt of his head turned the statement into a question.

"What I wouldn't give to know what you're thinking right now," he murmured. "It's frustrating, you know."

"I imagine it might be," Bella smiled. "Did Aro tell you I'm a shield?" Edward nodded. "That's why you can't hear me. It's reflexive, always up around me."

"Maybe I should be glad I can't hear your thoughts right now," he admitted wryly. "I've been a complete fool since I found you, Isabella. You must not think very highly of me."

"Edward…"

"No," he cut her off, turning on the bench so he faced her more fully. "Isabella, I've wasted more years than I would have imagined possible, an entire lifetime's worth of years, and I don't want to waste anymore. I love you, I've always loved you and I'm so immeasurably sorry that I let my anger and my pride keep us apart for so long. Can you forgive me?"

Her hand reached up to him, cupping the side of his face as she regarded him sadly. Sparks crackled around them as her thumb stroked his eyebrow.

"You asked me once not to let the past get in the way of our future. I can forgive you, can you forgive me?" Her eyes showed her uncertainty, the belief that he really might scorn her attempt at reconciliation, even as she forgave him so effortlessly. It shamed Edward, to know that her heart was so much more open than his own had been, and it steeled his desire to be a better man for her.

"Isabella, what is there to forgive? When Jane took me…" At the name, Bella hissed, but Edward pressed on. "She showed me things, how sad you were when you thought I was dead. How much you loved me, mourned me. This isn't your fault." He left unsaid for the moment whose fault it was. Edward wouldn't belittle the apology he had just made by placing the blame on Aro's shoulders, but he firmly believed that a portion of it certainly belonged there. His tone must have belied his thoughts though, for Bella looked at him sharply.

"Please don't blame Aro for this, Edward." Her eyes were fierce as she spoke of the Volturi leader and Edward could see she cared about the man deeply. "You have to understand. He considers me his daughter and he would do anything to protect me."

"From what? From love?" Edward didn't want to quarrel with her but Aro's deception had wreaked such destruction on both of their lives, had made them both so unhappy for so long. It rankled that she could forgive him so easily.

Bella's shoulders slumped a little, wearily. "When you were in Volterra, did you hear what others think of your kind? Of those that follow Carlisle's…lifestyle?"

Edward's pride was pricked. Yes, he had heard what they thought of his father, of him. How they took the respect that Carlisle held for all life and turned it into something perverse, considering abstaining from the murder of humans to be an abomination. Not trusting himself to keep the rancor from his words he simply responded with a curt nod.

"Then you know how strongly other vampires feel about the way you live. When Aro realized that you were living with Carlisle, he came to Chicago to witness for himself if you were truly committed to this way of life. When he saw that you were…" her words trailed off. They both knew what Aro did next.

"And what gave him the right to decide this for you? Even if he is your sire, Isabella, you are a grown woman with a mind of your own. You don't care that he treated you like a child?"

"Edward," she sighed, clearly not sure how to explain her point of view to him. "Aro's not my sire but it's because of that, because of what he knows of my early years that he wanted to spare me the choice. He didn't treat me as a child," she emphasized. "He treated me as his child."

If Aro truly thought of Bella as his daughter, how could he so blatantly disregard her free will? Edward tried to imagine Carlisle if the situation had been reversed but he couldn't imagine his caring, loving father taking the choice out of Edward's hands. His father had too much respect for him for that. Bella must have seen the lack of understanding in Edward's eyes because she began to chew on her lip in worry. Then suddenly her eyes lighted with wary inspiration.

"Let me show you what Aro saw, Edward. Then you can judge his actions." Edward's brow wrinkled in confusion, but when Bella visibly relaxed, willing her mind into calmness, he remembered that she had the power to drop her shield. Less than a second later he heard the soft strains of Bella's thoughts.

Edward, can you hear me?

"Yes," he whispered, honored and awed that she would bare herself in this way. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled before taking his hands in her own.

This may get…unpleasant. I'm sorry for that. Her thoughts were hesitant. He could feel how much she was steeling herself against the memories she was about to dredge up, and he squeezed her hands gently in encouragement.

"I want to understand, my love," he murmured. She nodded firmly and closed her eyes again as the images flowed from her mind into his.

~*~

After what seemed like an eternity in the fires of Hell, Bella slowly became aware of her surroundings. The first thing she noticed was that the burning had not left her but rather had concentrated into her throat. She was thirsty, unbearably so, but she was lying on the ground in a one-room hut with no water to be seen.

A moment later the door to her room burst open and the man from her meadow was there. Although her memories of that day now seemed hazy, she knew it was him. He stalked up to her, hauling her up off the floor by her arm.

"Finally. It took you long enough to wake up, soldier," his tone was brusque and disapproving which only confused Bella more.

"I'm sorry. There's been a mistake. I'm not a soldier. I'm Isabella Swan, Judge Swan's daughter." She looked around trying to find a way to explain herself to this man, still unsure how she possibly could when she was so completely at sea herself.

"I'm not interested in who you were. What you are now is my soldier and I'm here to inform you of your place in this army." His fingers bit into her arm but that pain was nothing compared to the scorching agony in her throat. When Bella's eyes darted to the door behind him, looking for some way to escape this nightmare, he grasped her jaw in his hands, pinching her cheeks between his fingers with painful tightness.

"Don't even think about trying to flee," he hissed at her. "If you try, not only will I hunt you down and destroy you, I will capture your family and make you watch as I torture and murder them." Bella had no doubt that the monster that stood before her would do just that.

He led her out the door and into a field beyond where he had tied a woman to a tree. She was young and terrified, and when they appeared in the clearing she began to sob desperately.

"Please let me go," she begged piteously. "Please don't hurt me. Please, I just want to go home to my parents. I promise not to go walking out alone at night again," she babbled on.

The man stepped forward and slapped the girl across the face. She was quickly silenced by the violence and shock. Her eyes grew impossibly wide and her pupils dilated with fear. The man walked back to Bella deliberately.

"Feed," he commanded, indicating the woman secured by ropes to the oak before them. Bella gaped at him, confused and scared. The man drew in a deep breath through his nose in clear irritation. He stalked back over to the terrified woman and ripped the ropes from her body before her grasping her arm and shoving her at Bella.

"I said, 'Feed!'" The man's bellow rang through the woods, startling a murder of crows and setting them to flight. The girl tripped over a tree root as she came stumbling toward Bella and reflexively Bella reached out to steady her. As soon as the woman was in her arms, though, the fire in Bella's throat flared white hot. Without thinking she yanked the woman's head to the side by her hair and buried her teeth in her throat. Distantly, Bella was aware that the girl screamed in pain and thrashed about wildly, but in the moment all Bella could comprehend was that her blood was the sweetest thing she had ever tasted. She wanted it, needed it, and gloried in the way it soothed the fiery ache.

It wasn't long before the woman's body went lax in Bella's arms, drained of life. When Bella came to her senses and saw the carnage before her, carnage of her own making, she fell back horrified. The man walked up to her and handed her a length of cloth.

"Clean yourself up." A tiny smile lit his face. "You did well, soldier."

~*~

Days later, Bella still had yet to feed again. Every time the burning flared in her throat, she recalled the horror in the woman's eyes, the crumpled way the body had lain after Adam had disposed of it further in the woods and she became physically ill. As a newborn, she was still strong enough to continue to defend herself in the mock battles Adam had them wage each night. Still the lack of new blood in her system was taking its toll. From what Bella had learned from her new compatriots she would continue to weaken until she was no longer able to protect herself. She had seen how Adam allowed the weakest of his army be destroyed, slowly and sadistically. Bella didn't want that to be her.

When Adam learned that she was refusing to feed, he put her in charge of guarding the cattle corral: the place he kept the miserable humans captured on raids. The soldiers weren't allowed to go out and feed on their own, so Adam had a special group in charge of kidnapping humans to feed the troops. They were kept in a wooden shed that was slatted so they could be watched and tormented until they were finally selected to die.

Bella suffered immensely during her new assignment. Adam knew that as a newborn, Bella's ability to resist was tenuous at best. But of course, Adam didn't care if she suffered, only if she obeyed. To ensure that she did, Bella was watched at all times, as all the newborns were, but she wasn't bothered by that. She was used to being under the disapproving gaze of the villagers who never accepted her father's new wife and to being alone because of their censure. But she did miss her family. At least before she had them; now she had no one.

Whenever she was on guard, Bella stood in the shadows upwind from the corral. She tried her best to block out the frightened whispers of the captives and their alluring scent. The captives made it somewhat easier by never engaging her. They were all far too terrified to acknowledge her presence. That changed one night, when one of Adam's cronies came to taunt her.

"Bella," he bellowed as he strutted toward her with a nasty leer on his face. Angus was an enormous Scottish immigrant that had been a favorite of Adam's for over two years because of his impressive strength and endless bloodlust. He followed Adam slavishly and would never mistreat those vampires that had gained his master's favor, but for all the rest he had nothing but contempt. Bella was a part of that latter group and Angus never missed an opportunity to toy with her.

"Getting thirsty on duty?" he asked with sham concern before leaning in conspiratorially. "You know, if you want to take a break and have a snack," his eyes shifted hungrily to the humans huddled inside the shed, "I know Adam wouldn't mind."

Bella knew what Angus wanted more than anything was for her to respond angrily, to give him an excuse to test her fighting skills, which he hadn't yet had the chance to do inside the sparring arena. She wasn't about to take the bait, though. She pursed her lips as if in thought and then calmly shook her head. "I'm fine."

Angus wouldn't be dismissed so easily though. Instead he leaned up against the tree, relaxing next to her as if they were old friends.

"You know, if you prefer your meals tied up, that can be arranged. It's not something you need to deny yourself."

Bella stared at him, appalled, but he continued as if he didn't notice.

"You're not the first of our kind to get excited by tying a girl up and tasting her." He turned toward her, closing the distance between them and tracing the length of her neck with his finger. "Let me know if you want company next time. I'd be more than happy to share a meal with you." Bella shivered with disgust.

"Or if grown women aren't your taste," he added softly, "we can always dine on something more…tender." Angus's eyes closed as a look of blissful longing stole over his face. "I've always wanted to try something younger. I've heard they're unbelievably succulent." He sighed and Bella's stomach cramped up, trying to empty itself, but there was nothing in it to heave up. She grimaced at the vampire before her, watching him warily like the odious creature he was. When his eyes opened, he shrugged up from the tree and began to walk away. Over his shoulder he chided her for the horror he had seen in her eyes.

"It's important to realize that we're different from humans, better than them, right from the start, Bella. Think on that."

Bella could barely believe the monsters she was surrounded by. Angus lusted after the blood of a child. The thought was so abhorrent to her she couldn't help wondering if she had perhaps misheard him, but her perfect memory allowed no such prevarication. At least she knew, whatever she had become, she would never slaughter a child. She continued to stand guard, wishing she could flee these mountains, make a better life for herself somewhere else, anywhere else, so long as Adam and his minions weren't there.

Bella was still lost in that daydream of freedom when a voice called out to her from the shed.

"Are we all to die then?" Bella saw the woman had walked over to the open doorway of the lean-to. There was no need to lock the humans in. They learned quickly that those who ran were killed and killed painfully; those that stayed were killed swiftly for sustenance and not for sport. Bella stared at the strangely brave woman. She could smell her blood; hear it pulsing strongly through her veins. The fire in Bella's throat flared in response and the woman shuddered as Bella looked at her hungrily.

"We're here as cattle?" she asked again, despite her obvious fear. "If I'm going to die, I don't want it to be by one of them," she waved at a group of newborns, playing a vicious game of tag that involved ripping pieces of each other's flesh off. "I've seen you here before. You're not like the others; you're not a monster."

"But I am like them," Bella replied sadly. "I want the same thing from you that they all do. Though I admit that I wish it weren't so." Bella noticed the way the woman responded to the gentle cadences in her voice, as if she were being hypnotized.

"Is it possible to ask… to choose…" she made a helpless gesture with her hands, not wanting to say the words. "Would you be willing to do it?" She stared at Bella, entranced but still clearly knowing what she was asking. "If I'm sentenced to die regardless…I'd like to choose who does it, if it's all the same. I don't want it to be at the hands of one of them," she added with a shudder.

Bella looked at the woman. She knew she wanted the woman's blood, knew that she needed it to survive. Stepping forward, she cupped the woman's face in her hand. "Are you sure?" As Bella's breath swept over the woman's face, her eyes dilated. She licked her lips slowly, then nodded.

Bella stepped forward, scanning the other humans in the corral. They were all huddled far away from the door, fearing the creature of death that she was and wanting to keep as much distance from Bella as possible. She opened her arms. The young woman stepped forward and Bella folded her into a soft embrace. They were sisters seeking solace in one another. She tilted the woman's face up and smiled at her. "Thank you," Bella whispered as she brushed the soft brown hair from her neck and buried her teeth into her flesh. The woman tensed in her arms for a moment, more from surprise than from pain, then slumped forward into Bella, as she greedily drained the blood from her veins.

~*~

The war games continued, endlessly, but now that Bella had come to some peace with what she was and allowed herself to feed, she was doing better at them. She was the only newborn who was consistently unharmed at the end of the matches. For some reason, no one seemed to be able to touch her. Adam and his inner circle of warriors took notice of her and soon she found herself in the arena with Angus, Adam's best fighter.

Adam didn't come to the general fights that the newborns engaged in, or any of their training sessions. But when there were better matches, when a newborn started to rise through the ranks and show promise, a special mock battle was held in the arena and Adam would come to watch, much like a Roman emperor with his gladiators. Adam stood on a platform above the field watching as Bella waited at its center for Angus's attack.

The Scotsman wasn't particularly bright but he knew how to size up an opponent. Bella knew he wasn't foolish enough to dismiss the extra strength she had as a newborn, she knew he wouldn't give her the chance to get him in a crushing grip. But Bella was no fool either. She had watched the games like all the other newborns, she had learned how to look for an opponent's weakness, his tells. As Angus circled slowly around her, she knew that he would try to disorient her by delaying his attack as long as possible and that he would attack from behind. She also was beginning to suspect it wouldn't make a bit of difference how Angus attacked her. Bella had begun to wonder if she might have some sort of shielding talent weeks ago and by the time her fight with Angus arrived she was fairly certain. Try as he might, Angus wouldn't be able to touch her.

It wasn't long before Bella's suspicions were confirmed and she had Angus face down in the dirt, his arms crushed to his torso beneath her legs, his head twisted between her arms, ready to be torn off by a simple jerk of her hands. She looked up at Adam and cocked a brow, not certain if he would try to punish her for defeating his star warrior or allow her to finish him. Adam didn't much care for losers. He gazed at her for a moment, his eyes glittering like a cobra's, before turning to his second in command, Bryce. Bella knew about Bryce, knew his talent was mind control. He nodded once to Adam and then turned to Bella, staring at her intently. She felt it, the blunt slap of his power against her shield, but it was no match and she gave them both a crooked smile as they realized she was able to withstand Bryce's power. Bella waited, sure she would be allowed to end Angus's miserable existence but instead Adam gave a curt shake of his head and she was obliged to let the odious ogre go.

Adam looked at her with new appreciation after that. She was welcomed into his inner circle and soon enough into his bed. He told her the wars between the covens had forced him to make vampires who were hardened from the very start, that he needed them to be able to kill from their very first day as vampires because of the vile monsters they would fight against. If he coddled the newborns, he would never be able to raise an army strong enough to defend the territory they claimed and chaos would reign. Bella wasn't sure he was telling her the truth but she let herself believe. She was tired of the isolation and when Adam was pleased he was very compelling.

Deep inside though, the elevated position she enjoyed as Adam's new favorite wore on her. Even as he worked with her, helping her learn to expand her shield to cover him and eventually more and more of his fighters, she knew that she was not his lover but his whore, that he only valued her for her talent and not herself.

~*~

War with the other covens came soon enough, sooner than Adam had hoped. Although he assured her she was ready, Bella wasn't certain she would be able to spread her shield as far as Adam commanded her to. When the day of battle arrived, though, she didn't have a choice. The South Carolina coven was strong; a more than equal match for Adam's army, and the fighting was furious and long. Twelve hours in, Bella begged Adam to let them fall back, to let her rest for just a few minutes, because she could feel her shield slipping.

"Are you out of your mind?" he bellowed at her. "Can't you see? They're weakening! Stop whining, Bella, and do as you're told." He stalked back into the fray, killing with ease as Bella's shield continued to protect him. Just as Adam was closing in on the South Carolinian leader, an ethereal blonde vampire named Evangeline, Bella knew she wouldn't be able to hold her shield much longer. Adam took Evangeline down, swiftly dismembering her and tossing her limbs into the burning pyre nearby, but Evangeline's mate came at him, berserk with rage. When he bounced off Bella's shield, he turned to Bryce, who was coming to Adam's aid. Adam was so intent on destroying his nemesis, he didn't even notice until it was too late that his best friend was being destroyed as well.

That evening, when the battle was done and the scouts were out rounding up any defeated vampires foolish enough to remain in the area, Adam found Bella alone in her room.

"You bitch," he howled. "You let it happen on purpose, didn't you?" Bella was weakened from the battle but her instincts were still strong, no matter how he came at her, Adam wasn't able to hurt her. Once his initial rage was spent, he stood and looked at her coldly.

"This isn't over," he whispered and left.

And it wasn't. Two days later, a new exhibition was held in the arena inside Adam's stronghold. Only this time, it wasn't a fight. It was retribution. Bella was forced to watch, held down by Angus and a few of his cronies, as Adam and his inner circle slowly, painfully killed her family. Bella, still drained from the battle earlier that week and from not being allowed to feed in punishment since then, was horrified as she realized she was helpless to save them. In her weakened state, all she could do was close her eyes, refusing to watch, still forced to listen as her father, her step-mother, step-brother and step-sister were ruthlessly slaughtered.

When it was over, Adam walked up to her. She could smell her father's blood on his hand as he slapped her once, harshly, with the back of his hand.

"Look at me," he commanded. Bella's eyes opened grudgingly, tight with tears she could not cry. "You are nothing now. You are an insignificant tool; nothing more. If you displease me again, if you fail me again, you will be starved until I can kill you." He walked off without waiting for her reply.

After that, life was hellish for Bella. Without the mantle of Adam's protection, only fed before battles, she was weak and powerless. She was continually mistreated and abused, given out by Adam as he pleased to be used for the demented pleasure of others.

~*~

Bella's head hung low as the images finally faded and she let her shield wrap around herself again. She was afraid to look Edward in the eye, now that he had seen the truth of what had happened to her, of the horrific things she had been forced to do and endure. He had called her a monster before. Would he do it again? His hand slipped under her chin and she looked up to find his eyes as heartbroken as she knew hers must be.

"Isabella…" his voice cracked. "My love. I had no idea…" his words trailed off as the enormity of her early years hung between them. Swiftly he wrapped her up in his arms, crushing her body into his.

"Isabella, I'm so sorry for what you went through. Sorrier than I could ever have imagined possible. No one should ever have to live the way you lived, or be turned the way you were." His face hardened as his thoughts went to Bella's true sire and his perfidious army. "Aro will always have my gratitude for cleansing the earth of your sire."

He leaned in and kissed her, letting the electric waves wash over him as their lips drifted together slowly, lovingly. He still didn't fully accept why Aro had kept them apart, but for the moment he wasn't willing to push it. Bella had endured far more in her life than he could ever have imagined, and if Aro was acting out of love, Edward would let her father's lies go, for now. As they continued to embrace, Edward tried to focus on what was important: they were in love, they were together and they would remain so for eternity.

A/N: A few final things to note:

First, all of the credit for the visual sign between mates goes to my lovely co-author, afragilelittlehuman. She came up with that on her own and I love her for it! Fragile, thanks for giving me the firefly imagery as well, it was beautiful and I enjoyed getting to use it.

Secondly, thank you to my unbelievable wonderful beta, uhyesplease, who helped me find just the right piece of music for Edward to play for Isabella in the conservatory. It's a Nocturn by Chopin and you can listen to it here: http: // www . youtube . com/watch?v=HcfmbRo8CP0

Finally, I was asked what I mean by a "tell." It's a poker term, but one that I've heard in the context of sports as well. A tell is "a subtle but detectable change in a player's behavior or demeanor that gives clues to that player's assessment of his hand," per Wikipedia. (http://en . wikipedia . org/wiki/Tell_%28poker%29)