Chapter five
Disclaimer: I do not own 'The Host'. I only own Lexi. Also, thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! As for you people who haven't: *gives readers who haven't reviewed evil look of doom*. Thanks especially to LucianWriter77 for all your help. This is a really long chapter, so enjoy it! I'll probably be updating more often now, because my school is off for the Olympics. Please rate!!!
For the next month, I ignored Jamie. I wouldn't speak to him, look at him, or acknowledge him in any way. One day in class, Sharon put us in a group together for a project, and we worked in silence, only speaking when we had to. It would have been hilarious, had we been looking in from the outside, and not actually experiencing this difficulty.
I would have rather died than admit it, but I missed Jamie. He was like my personal sun. He could make me smile when I was sad, or make me laugh when I was crying. He made everything seem better, somehow. Now, he always looked like a statue when I saw him, his face blank and expressionless.
Ian started to get fed up with us by the end of the first week.
"This is ridiculous, Lex!" He exclaimed to me one morning while we were making soap. "Remember what I said? You two used to be joined at the hip, you were so close. And now, you won't even speak to each other. And over what? Something Jamie said? A stupid remark? You're going to let that ruin a great friendship?"
"It wasn't just a stupid remark," I replied curtly. "I would think you would understand, since it was your dad too."
"He didn't even say anything about dad, though!" Ian said. "You were just being dramatic. You started it. Not Jamie."
"Oh, so you're on his side now?" I asked angrily. "To think, you'd choose Jamie over your own sister."
Ian just stared at me angrily, and shook his head. "You know, Lex, you're just like Kyle, sometimes. Always getting angry over stupid things, and pretending you're right even when you're not."
I didn't talk to Ian either after that. I spent most of my time alone. The others, Trudy, Lily, Wes, all tried to convince me to talk to Jamie, but I wouldn't listen. I just isolated myself from everyone, and wallowed in my suffering.
` The only good things in my life at that moment were Wanda and the fact that although I wasn't speaking to Ian, I could tell he had really started to like Wanda. He and Doc had become her unofficial guards. They always mad sure one of them was with her.
As for Wanda, she was the only person I did talk to. I visited her almost every day, and asked her about everything, from the universe to her own life. She was the one person who didn't bother me about Jamie, although she always seemed worried when I visited her. I guessed that she was worrying that she had ruined my friendship with Jamie, but she hadn't. That was between me and him. It didn't include her.
After a few weeks, Jeb finally "convinced" her to tell everyone her stories. By "convinced" I mean that Ian, Jamie, Doc, and I asked her questions at meal times, until the others started to too. So she "taught" us every night after dinner. She seemed to like to bake while she talked. I wasn't sure why, but I helped her anyways.
One day, while Wanda was telling us about the Dolphins, a recently conquered planet, life changed in the caves.
Jamie was the first to notice.
"Hey!" he shouted. I watched him sprint out the door. I held up my index finger to Wanda, signalling to her that I would be back in a moment.
I followed Jamie down the hall. It took me a minute to realize why he was running. But then I saw the huge figure standing in the middle of the hall, and I knew. The raiding party had come home.
"Hey, Lex!" Kyle called, opening his arms to me.
I felt a rush of joy, and I ran to him. He picked me up and spun me around. I felt tiny in his big arms, like a bear cradling a mouse.
"I've missed you, sis," Kyle said before putting me down. I grinned at him.
Beside him, Jared stood talking to Jamie. I opened my mouth to say something to Jamie, but then closed it abruptly. Kyle raised an eyebrow in my direction.
"What's been going on while I was gone?" He asked.
"I'll tell you later," I muttered, looking darkly at Jamie. I caught his eye, and he looked at me hardly before turning back to Jared.
Then, the group started to move into the kitchen. It wasn't until then that I realized what would happen when they walked in and saw Wanda. But before I could stop them, they had entered the room. So I just clung to Kyle, prepared to fight him if necessary.
"What is the meaning of this, Jeb?" Jared asked.
"Wanda is teaching us all about the universe," Jamie babbled. I almost felt like hitting him. Couldn't he see what Jared was thinking? But as I watched Jamie talk, the excited look in his eyes, his bright smile, I felt my anger melt, and despair took its place. How could I ever be mad at Jamie? Before I could answer myself, Jared was speaking.
"Wanda?" he repeated, almost snarling with fury. I looked up at Kyle and saw his eyes narrow.
Suddenly Paige lurched to her feet and stumbled through the crowd to Andy, calling his name.
It was as though a spell was broken, at least momentarily. The others rose to their feet and welcomed the raiding party. I felt disgust as I saw how guilty they looked. Ian whispered something to Wanda, and she looked at him, her eyes wide.
"What the hell, people?" Kyle roared. He moved toward Wanda, dragging me with him.
"Please Kyle. Please." My begging was useless. He ignored me and continued toward Wanda.
"You're letting it tell you lies? Have you all gone crazy? Or did it lead the Seekers here? Are you all parasites now?"
"Easy, Kyle," Walter said feebly.
Ian stepped in front of Wanda protectively.
"Things changed while you were gone, brother," Ian said quietly.
"Did the Seekers come, then, Ian?"
"She's not a danger to us."
Kyle reached into his pocket, and Wanda cringed.
"Don't get in the way, Ian," she pleaded.
Kyle pulled out a flashlight and shined it in Ian's eyes.
"So, what then?" he demanded, replacing the flashlight. "You're not a parasite. How did it get to you?"
I stood motionless, as if I were glued to the ground.
"Calm down, and we'll tell you all about it."
"No." The voice was Jared's this time. He walked slowly toward Wanda and Ian. "I don't think anyone needs to calm down. Jeb, give me the gun."
I finally came to my senses. "No, Jared. Please," I said, letting go of Kyle and standing beside Ian.
Jared ignored me, and Kyle glared furiously at Ian.
"Don't happen to have it on me," Jeb said.
"Fine," Jared muttered. "It will be slower this way, though. It would be more humane if you were to find that gun fast.
"Please, Jared. Let's…let's talk," I said.
"I think there's been too much talk," Jared growled. "Jeb left this up to me and I've made my decision."
Jeb cleared his throat.
"What? You made the rule, Jeb," Jared barked.
"Well, now, that's true."
Jared turned towards me and Ian. "Get out of my way." Neither of us moved.
"Well, well, hold on a sec," Jeb went on. "If you recall, the rule was that whoever the body belonged to got to make the decision.
"And?"
"Seems to me like there's someone here with a claim just as strong as yours. Mebbe stronger." Suddenly I understood what he meant. And I hated it. He was going to put this on Jamie. That's not right though. That'll just cause more fighting, Jeb. What're you thinking?
"You can't Jared," Jamie choked. "You wouldn't. Wanda's good. She's my friend! And Mel! What about Mel? You can't kill Mel! Please! You have to – "
"So," Jeb said, "you can see that Jamie's not in agreement. I figure he's got as much say as you do."
Jared didn't reply. He was too shocked, his face full of horror.
"How could you let this happen, Jeb?" he whispered.
"There is a need for some talk," Jeb answered. "Why don't you take a breather first, though? Maybe you'll fell more up to conversation after a bath."
Jared glared at him, looking shocked and betrayed. Both men were silent for a moment, and then Jared shook Jamie off his arm.
"Kyle," Jared barked, stalking out of the room.
"Kyle," I pleaded, but he just glared at Ian and me, and followed Jared. The others left too, with Paige tucked under Andy's arm. Only, Ian, Jamie, Trudy, Geoffrey, Jeb, Heath, Wes, Lily, Walter, and I stayed. We were silent while we listened to the footsteps fade, and then Ian breathed a sigh of relief.
"That was close. Nice thinking Jeb," he said.
"Inspiration in desperation," Jeb replied. "But we're not out of the woods yet."
"Don't I know it! You didn't leave the gun anywhere obvious, did you?"
"Nope. I figured this might be comin' on soon."
"That's something, at least."
I saw Jamie trembling, his eyes wide and afraid. I started to walk towards him, to put my arms around him, but then I stopped. Jamie looked at me strangely, almost as if he were trying to apologize silently. I looked away.
Wanda walked over to Jamie and hugged him. She whispered something I couldn't hear in his ear, and he replied just as quietly. I saw him blink back tears in his eyes, and I fought a wave of emotion that made me blink back my own tears.
Ian thumped Jamie on the back. "Don't agonize over it, kid," he said. "You're not in this alone." I noticed that Ian looked sharply at me on the second sentence, but I ignored it.
"They're just shocked, that's all," Trudy said. "Once we get a chance to explain, they'll see reason."
"See reason? Kyle?" I hissed, shaking my head.
"We knew this was coming, Jeb muttered. "Just got to weather it. Storms pass."
"Maybe you ought to find that gun," Lily suggested, sounding strangely calm. "Tonight might be a long one. "Wanda can stay with Heidi and me – "
"I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else," Ian argued. "Maybe in the southern tunnels? I'll keep an eye on her. Jeb, wanna lend me a hand?"
"They wouldn't look for her with me," Walter whispered. Wes spoke over him, but I felt so much affection for him at that moment that I had to say something. He looked so weak and sick, and yet here he was, offering to protect Wanda. Wanda needed to be protected, that was for sure, but Walter could hardly protect himself. How would he protect Wanda?
"She'll be okay Walter," I whispered to him. He smiled at me, and I grabbed his hand and squeezed it for a moment. I forgot to mention this, but Walter and I had always been really close. He was like my grandfather, wise and kind, and I worried to see him so sick. He used to tell me stories of how he escaped. He always liked to talk about his wife, Gladys, and his daughter, Emma. Gladys hadn't been able to escape, and Emma had died of dehydration in the desert, a few days before Walter had arrived here. Emma would have been a few years older than I was. When I was smaller, I used to make up stories where Emma was still alive, and we were best friends and had all sorts of adventures.
Finally, I tuned into what the others were saying. Wanda was trying to leave, it seemed, but Jamie's arms were around her waist trying to stop her.
"I just need a minute to myself," she told him. "I need to be alone. And you should have a chance to discuss this without me listening. It's not fair – having to discuss strategy in front of the enemy."
"But you're not the enemy!" I exclaimed. "Wanda, you may not be human, but over the last few weeks, you've become just as much a part of the caves as any of us."
"Lex is right, Wanda," Jeb said, nodding at me. "Don't be like that."
"Let me have some time to think, Jeb," Wanda replied. She stepped away from Jamie. Ian put a hand on her shoulder and she cringed automatically.
"It's not a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself."
Wanda leaned in and whispered something to Ian. I strained to hear, but I couldn't make out the words. After a moment, she ducked under Ian's hand and sprinted for the exit. Jamie called after her, but Jeb shushed him quickly. We listened to the footsteps fade, and then we started talking.
We all agreed that we could not give up Wanda. As I had said, she was as human as any of us now. We talked for about an hour, but we couldn't think of a solution. We eventually decided that all we could do for now would be to protect Wanda, and hope for the best.
After we concluded this, we dispersed in groups of two or three. I was the only one walking alone. Ian was beside Jamie and Jeb, and the others were too busy talking to notice me. I saw Jamie glance back at me, and for a moment I thought he was going to say something to me, but then he turned back to Ian. I followed the trio silently, thinking about Wanda, and feeling sorry for myself because I was alone.
When we arrived at our rooms, I watched Jamie go inside his room, and then entered mine. Ian said nothing to me, and left after a few minutes of silence. After he left, I heard footsteps. I peeked outside to see Jamie creeping down the hallway.
I'm not sure why I did what I did next, and it will probably never make sense to me. I had tried for the last three weeks to avoid Jamie, and now I was going straight towards him.
"Where're you going?" I asked.
"Nowhere," he muttered. "Why are you talking to me anyways?"
"I honestly don't know," I said. "You mind if I stick around?"
"Yes," he said, a little sharply.
I sighed, then said, "Fine. I'll go. Sorry."
"Wow," he said, "an O'Shea apologizing? That's pretty rare, unless you're Ian."
I opened my mouth to say something, but at that moment Wes came down the hall.
"Hey, Lex. Wanna help me make some soap?" His voice was nonchalant, but I could see from the tension in his eyes that he was fully aware of the anger between me and Jamie.
It didn't look like I had much of a choice, so I just shrugged and replied, "Sure."
"Watch yourself, Lex," Wes said to me as we walked to the bathroom. "I know you're not happy with Jamie right now, but you need to try and control your anger. It'll get you in big trouble someday, or you'll end up like Kyle."
"I know, I know, you're right. It's just hard sometimes."
"I know it is, Lex, but keep at it, okay?"
I nodded. After that, we started talking normally. Wes was one of my favourite people. He was so funny and nice. Everyone knew he like Lily, except Lily of course. I thought they would make a great couple, but Wes was too shy to say anything to her, so nothing had happened.
My hands were bright red a couple of hours later, but at least I had been able to focus on something other than Jamie. It seemed as though the more I was away from him, the more I thought about him. It made no sense to me, and it made me even more irritable.
I was pretty exhausted from the day's work, and even more so from the arrival of the raiding party. I hadn't realized it was so late until I walked through the main hall and saw the moonlight. By the time I got to my room, Ian and Kyle were both asleep. I fell asleep immediately.
I had gotten into the habit of waking up early, so that I didn't have to meet anyone. Even without Wes' comment last night, I had already started worrying that someone would push me just a little too far, and then I would explode. The thing I hated most about myself was that I really was similar to Kyle, as Ian had said when it came to my temper. I got mad easily, and I hated to be wrong. Unlike Kyle, I tried to contain my temper as well as I could. So when I was really angry, like I was now, I tried to avoid everyone, so that I wouldn't do something I might regret later.
The morning after the raiding party's arrival, we had eggs for breakfast. Since I woke up so early, I had to make breakfast for everyone else. It was kind of a tradition for us in the caves. Whoever woke up first had to start making breakfast.
The eggs tasted delicious after going so long on bread and soup. After about a half an hour, everyone started to wake up. Lucina took my place when she woke up, and I thanked her before going into the fields to work.
It wasn't until a few hours later that I heard about Walter. He was sicker than ever. I rushed to the south wing as soon as I heard. He was pale, his eyes were closed, and his breathing was heavy. I sat next to him for hours, stroking his hand and speaking to him quietly. I skipped class today, but Sharon came by later and taught me the lesson as I sat next to Walter.
Doc was even worse than me. He would pace around the room for a while, and then come and look at Walter and then pace again. But he couldn't think of anything he could do for him. He just had me keep giving Walter water, and making sure he was breathing steadily. Jared had brought back some brandy, and Doc kept drinking it, bottle after bottle. I didn't try to stop him, although it made me sad to see him like this, because I had seen him in this state before. I knew that he wouldn't listen.
Lily came by every now and then, and she told me the latest news in the caves. She told me about Wanda's latest lesson, since I couldn't go, and that was always interesting. She also told me that Wanda was doing fine, but that Jamie had said Jared had upset her, though he didn't know how. I wanted to ask Jamie what he thought had happened, but I couldn't. He wouldn't speak to me now, unless I apologized. And that was not going to happen. Why should I apologize? It was his fault. Not mine.
So my only sources of information were Lily and Sharon, who came by to teach me in the hospital, and to see Doc. Walter was getting worse and worse, and he kept calling for Gladys. I pretended that I was his daughter Emma, and that seemed to make him happier, but he still wanted Gladys. I tried to pretend I was Gladys once, but he wouldn't believe me.
One day, Walter's bones snapped. Doc said it was the final stages of cancer, and there was nothing we could do. I forced myself not to cry, because in my mind, Emma wouldn't cry, she would be strong. So I would be strong too, for Walter, for Emma, for Gladys. More than anything, though, I wished Walter would die. I hated to see him in so much pain, with Doc having to give him some brandy every few hours to suppress the pain.
A few days after Walter's bones snapped, Wanda came to the south wing. She looked tired but healthy, and although I knew I shouldn't, I felt happy to see her.
"Are you up for another visitor, Walt?" I whispered as I saw Wanda and Ian enter.
"Ungh," Walter moaned, his lips drooping and his skin gleaming moistly in the light. I grabbed a towel from Doc's desk and wiped his face with it.
"Is there anything you need?" Wanda murmured anxiously.
Walter searched for a moment, trying to see who was speaking. Wanda stepped forward, and repeated the question. Finally Walter saw her.
"Finally," he gasped. "I knew you would come if I waited long enough. Emma, you were right. You said she would come, and you were right. Oh, Gladys, I have so much to tell you." Wanda looked over her shoulder, looking for someone.
"Gladys was his wife," Jamie whispered to her. "She didn't escape."
"Gladys," Walter said. "Would you believe I went and got cancer? What are the odds, eh? Never took a sick day in my life…" He tried to reach towards Wanda, but he was too weak, and his fingers dragged themselves toward her on the edge of the cot.
"I told you she'd come, didn't I?" I whispered.
"Yes, you did, Emma. You always were a good girl. So strong, so kind. You look just like your mother, Emma. Doesn't she Gladys?" He paused for a moment, and then seemed to forget what he was saying.
"What should I do?" Wanda breathed. I beckoned her forward, and she sat on the cot on Walter's right.
"…grandfather lived to be a hundred and one," Walter wheezed. "Nobody ever had cancer in my family, not even the cousins. Didn't your aunt Regan have skin cancer, though?" Wanda looked at me helplessly, and I searched through my memories for the answer. After a moment I found it. He had told me about Gladys' cousin Bill's aunt. She had been a famous journalist, but she had died…She had died of skin cancer when she was only fifty.
"No, dad. That was Bill's aunt, remember?" I said soothingly.
He nodded. "That's right. Bill's aunt…" Wanda shot me a grateful look and I nodded, then gestured for her to take Walter's other hand.
"Ah, Gladdie, it's been hard without you. It's a nice place here; you'll like it, even when I'm gone. Plenty of people to talk to – I know how you need to have your conversation…" His voice got softer and softer, until I couldn't hear what he was saying, although I could see his lips moving. Ian handed me a wet cloth and I began wiping Walter's face.
"I'm not good at…at deception," Wanda whispered. "I don't' want to upset him."
"You don't have to say anything," Ian reassured her. "He's not lucid enough to care."
"That's right," I whispered. "And if you do, I'll help you out." Wanda nodded.
"Do I look like her?" she asked after a moment.
"Not a bit – I've seen her picture. Stocky redhead," Ian said.
"She was beautiful though…" I said. "And strong, very strong. Before the invasion, she was a pilot in the military. She won a medal of honour for saving everyone in her plane during a terrorist attack. If she hadn't been taken by surprise…She would still be here." We were all quiet, and Wanda wiped the sweat off Walter's neck with the wet towel I had been holding.
"That's nice, Gladdie, that's nice," Walter murmured.
"How is he?" Doc asked. I hadn't notice he was awake until now.
"Delusional," Ian whispered. "Is that the brandy or the pain?"
"More the pain, I would think. I'd trade my right arm for some morphine."
"Maybe Jared will produce another miracle," Ian suggested.
"Maybe," Doc sighed.
I let my mind wander after that, and I thought about home, or what used to be home. The big house we had in California, my big yellow room, the sound of my father snoring, of my mother singing me to sleep at night. I had inherited my mother's voice, soft and beautiful, although I hadn't sung in a while. This gave me an idea. I lay down on the cot and leaned close to Walter. Then I sang softly to him, singing the lullaby my mother had sung to me when I was little.
"Lullaby and good night,
In the sky stars are bright,
May the moon's silvery beams,
Bring you sweet dreams.
Close your eyes now and rest,
May these hours be blessed,
Til the sky's bright with dawn,
When you wake with a yawn.
Lullaby and good night,
You are mother's delight,
I'll protect you from harm,
And you'll wake in my arms.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes
For I'm right beside you,
Guardian angels are near,
So sleep without fear.
Lullaby and good night
With roses bedight,
Lilies o'er head,
Lay thee down in thy bed.
Lullaby and good night,
You are mother's delight,
I'll protect you from harm,
And you'll wake in my arms.
Lullaby, and sleep tight,
My darlings sleeping,
ON sheets white as cream,
With a head full of dreams.
Sleepyhead, close your eyes,
I'm right beside you,
Lay thee down now and rest,
May your slumber be blessed.
Go to sleep, little one,
Think of puppies and kittens,
Go to sleep, little one,
Think of butterflies in spring.
Go to sleep, little one,
Think of sunny bright morning,
Hush, darling one,
Sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night,
Sleep through the night.
By the time I had finished, Walter was asleep, looking peaceful.
"That was beautiful," Wanda whispered.
"As long as it gets him to sleep," I replied. I looked up to see Ian's eyes filled with tears.
"You sound just like her," he said. I couldn't get up because I was still holding Walter's hand, but in that moment, we forgave each other silently, and hugged. Wanda didn't seem to understand our silent communication, but she must have figured it was good, because she smiled.
After a few minutes of stroking Walter's hand and wiping his forehead, I lay back on the cot, still holding Walter's hand, and slept, thinking of puppies, kittens, and my mother.
So, I hope you liked it. Again, PLEASE REVIEW!!! Like I said, I'll probably review sooner this time, since I'm on break, but no promises. I'd also just like to note that for the lullaby part, I used Jewel's version of it. Here's a link to it in case you want to hear what it sounds like. .com/watch?v=gsFQcQKWgTQ I'm not saying that Lexi sounds exactly like Jewel, but she does have the same kind of sound as Jewel does here.