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Chapter 4: Edward
POV: Bella
The next two days seem to pass so quickly, as much as I wanted to see Edward again, I was still so scared of how much hurt it was going to cause me. However I seemed to be the only one worrying about our reunion. Alice seemed to think everyone was going to live happily ever after, Emmett just laughed at my terrified expression everything it was mentioned, all I got from Jasper was him saying "but you love him Bella." Like that was going to solve everything, love has to work two ways! Esme and Carlisle just kept promising that everything would work itself out and Rose… well we still weren't that close although she did smile at me quite often, which was good enough for me.
Alice told me that Edward was dew to arrive at 2 o'clock, it was now two minutes to and my nerves were beginning to get the better of me, my anxiousness even got as bad as Jasper leaving the room as he could not stand it any longer. I felt Alice squeeze my hand gently while I sat next to her and Kate on the sofa. That's when I heard him, the engine of that famous silver Volvo approaching the house. I started to panic. "Alice does he even know I'm here?" I asked in a rush.
"Nope he will be too caught up in his own thoughts to notice any of ours. He will be a bit shocked but don't let that fool you he is going to be thrilled!" she laughed as her and Kate stood up and left the room, leaving me alone. I heard him open the car door and approach the house, if my heart could still beat it would going 100 miles per hour right now. I focused on breathing; even though it was pointless it had a calming effect. He had entered the house now and was approaching the living room.
I was shocked when I saw him; my memory hadn't done him justice he was beyond perfect. When he saw me he stopped, Alice was right, he was shocked. I simply just stared at him, I wasn't sure what to say, and so I settled on "Hi." It wasn't much but it would have to do.
"Bella?" he asked taking a step closer to me. I wasn't sure if I wanted him closer to me. The closer he got to me the bigger the chance was of getting hurt again. Vampire or not I don't think that I would survive that sort of pain again. Yes I was still in hurting but I could deal with that, couldn't I? Would I be able to now that Edward knows the truth knowing that I am now that tiny bit more worthy of him?
So many questions were whirling through my head as he took another step closer. "Bella… is that really you? I am sorry, for everything." His velvet voice told me. I remembered the times when I would have risked anything just to hear that voice but now, with him standing so close, it was risking too much. Would I be able to rebuild my life if he left again?
We stood there staring at each other; he started too walked towards me. I realised that I couldn't be close to him, I shook my head and stepped away from him. "Sorry." I said as I spun around and ran to my room.
"Wait, Bella! I love you." He shouted after me. I could not deal with all of that right now. I loved him so much more than I thought the vampire me intensified all of my human feelings, although this included all the pain. Did he love me, or was it only guilt because of what I had become?
I ran into my room and through myself on the bed, which was nothing more than a prop. I lay there taking unnecessary breaths in and out when there was a little knock on my door. I knew who it was by the sound of her footsteps. "Come in Alice." I didn't look at her as she entered, I didn't want to see the disappointment on her face, she had been so sure that there would be a happy ending for her brother and me.
"Bella, are you ok?" she asked me quietly as she came and sat beside me stroking my hair soothingly. I didn't answer her I wasn't sure if I was ok. She didn't ask again so we sat in silence for the next five minutes while I contemplated my thoughts and tried to figure out what to do next.
"Alice, what am I going to do? I can't get hurt again; I don't think I would survive." I asked her, I made sure I was extra quiet so that no other vampires around would hear.
"Bella, I think it's simple. You love him and he loves you. He only left because he was afraid of ruining your life by turning you into a vampire. He was so afraid of you becoming one of us; he never wanted you to suffer like that." She looked me in the eye and I could tell that she wasn't lying to me. I suddenly felt a wave of happiness come over me, which had nothing to do with Jasper's gift. He loves me, he really truly loves me, and he has never stopped loving me. But could I let him into my life again so easily, I knew that we would have to take things slowly. I needed to rebuild my trust in him again.
I ran down the stairs to find Edward but was shocked by what I saw. Tanya was sitting extremely close to him on the couch, while running her fingers through his gorgeous hair. He looked a little uncomfortable but didn't stop her obvious attempts at flirting with him. She was whispering something to him; I couldn't make out what she was saying. She then leant in and began to kiss him passionately. Alice had followed me and was just as shocked as what she was seeing as I was. Edward had pulled away from Tanya and he looked furious with her but before he could say anything he realised us standing in the door way. "Sorry if I interrupted anything." I chocked out before I walked out of the room and into the kitchen.
I began to clean the already spotless kitchen; I found that I cleaned when I was emotional. I heard him enter the kitchen door behind me, he didn't speak he just stood there watching me; his silence was getting on my nerves. "What?" I asked rather snappishly as I spun around to face him.
"Bella, I love you. Tanya has a thing for me, she is a flirt. I promise you that I only love you." He pleaded with me. I knew what Tanya was like, she was one of the biggest flirts I had met but I knew that I was angry at him for so many more reasons than just Tanya.
"You cannot possibly love me Edward. Not like I love you." I whispered, I didn't trust my voice enough to speak louder.
"Bella, the only reason I left was to protect the love of my life… you. I could never love anyone as much as I love you. You are my life." He told me fiercely, trying to make me believe his words. His eyes were smouldering as he stared at me.
I sighed and looked him right in the eye. "You left me." I saw the pain that I felt clearly in his eyes.
"I know and for that I am so sorry, I am going to spend the rest of eternity making that up to you, even if you don't want me to. I love you so much Bella." I could tell he was being truthful, I could hear the honesty and determination in his voice.
I believed him, but I still wasn't ready to go back to how things were. I needed to trust him 100%. "I believe you, and I love you." I saw his eyes light up as I said this, he started to move towards me, to embrace me. I put my arms out to stop him. "Edward, I'm not ready for that, I think we need to take things slow. Start again." I told him he nodded and told me that he would do anything for me.
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