Caity: HELLO!!! Yes it is shocking...that I would update this soon...ehehe, I know that I said I wouldn't update until I got 10 reviews but 8 is close enough! So I shall grace you all with my pres-
Nae: What are you doing...
Caity: Eheheh noooooooothing....
Nae: Pssh your hopeless..
Caity: Noooooo....
Dedicated to: Hmmmm who shall I dedicate it to.....Oh I noes! Dedicated to my awesome bestie Nae, who edits all my stories, poor grammar and all!, and never complains. She also puts up with me, feeds me and sometimes her family babysits me!!....so I don't burn down my own house and apparently I'm a good influence on her..psssh yeah right, what they don't know won't hurt them...Muahahahah! So Nae my friend! This is dedicated to you in the name of ROCK LEE!!...she's thinks he's hot....long story...anyways I'm ranting again without further ado..I give you...Kakashi torture....heh heh heh...
Naes Note: Pfft, I think its the opposite with the whole feeding you, babysitter-ing and burning down the house. Your my baby sitter ^^ I had no one to babysit me while you were gone, I tried to get Tash to do it but she said no!!! Meanie!!! I'm not that bad am I???? AM I?!?! Sure, I almost burnt down your house, ONCE!!!! The amount I've almost burnt down my own doesnt count....But still!! And -
-Nae gets knocked out by Caity-
Caity: Like I said.....Woo! Kakashi torture time!
"Alrighty-o troops! You know why your here! Now lets discuss strategic strategies!" Caity said brandishing her ' Boss Staff ' as she had christened it. Standing in front of her wearing confused expressions were Nae, Caity's red stuffed teddy bear Marcus, Nae's fish Taco and a rubber duck.
"......."
"Oh don't everyone speak at once! Calm down will you.."
"........"
"No one gets my sarcasm..I feel so unloved...Anyways you are all here to help me kill-" Noticing Marcus's disapproving glare, Caity corrected herself "-torture this man!"
Reaching up, she pulled down a picture of Kakashi, who had a moustache and a big, fat L on his forehead drawn on in permanent marker, down from the ceiling and pointed at it with her boss staff.
"He has committed the ultimate sin and must be punished for his actions......he took the gherkin relish..." Gasps were heard as Caity wiped a tear from her eye. "I know, I know...he's a monster..."
"Umm Caity, I have a suggestion.." Nae said as she raised her hand hesitantly, this was a little bit strange even for her.
"Permission to speak granted Private!"
"Well we could.................................." (Muahahahah! You shall not know until it happens!! HA!)
"Hmmmmm, it's possible...now Marcus I assume that you know your role in this operation?"
"................."
"Good! Now, I'll need a fishing rod, a purple piece of paper, a blue gel pen, sticky tape, the book and a block of cheese..."
"What's the cheese for?" Nae asked as she scurried around collecting all the items listed.
"Plotting makes me hungry...."
"..........."
"Alright commence mission: Icha Icha! Move out!"
With Kakashi aka The horrible fiend/monster/gherkin relish stealer
Kakashi had decided to ditch training all together, after all it's not everyday that god gave out autographs. God in this case being Jaraiya, the author of the best book ever written, Icha Icha Paradise.... Kakashi skipped down the street, after using his Sharingan to make sure that no-one was watching of course, towards the book shop, hugging the precious-needs-to-be-worshipped literature to his chest. Suddenly out of the blue a red teddy bear flew through the air in a graceful arc and hit him on the head.
"Oh my god, what was that-Oh a bear!!" Kakashi lowered his guard and picked up the cute little bear. That was his first and final mistake, as soon as he turned his back a fishing rod was lowered from the balcony above and fished his Icha Icha Paradise out of his kunai holster. A few minutes later the rod lowered again and put the book back before retreating onto the balcony. With Phase 1 complete, a little girl (She had been bribed but shhh...) ran up to Kakashi and retrieved Marcus. He shrugged and continued on his way to the autograph signing.
In a dark alleyway
The little girl held Marcus tightly as she walked towards two figures that were shrouded in shadow. She approached them slowly and held out her hand.
"What do we owe ya?" Figure number one asked.
"50 bucks!" The little girl chirped. Figure number one's eyes popped out of her head and her hand froze halfway to her wallet.
"What?!?!!"
"Take it or leave it!"
"...Fine..." Figure number one handed the girl a fifty dollar bill and received Marcus in return.
"Thank you!" The little girl called as she skipped away to tell her friends that she had ripped off some more suckers.
"Fifty dollars Marcus! Fifty dollars!! You owe me!" Figure number one said waving her finger in Marcus's face.
"You look awfully silly yelling at a bear in public..." Figure number two said as she jumped off the box that she had been perched on.
"Yeah well, that was fifty bucks, Nae! Fifty bucks..."
"God, you are such a cheap skate.....sometimes I wonder if you and Kakazu are related...." Nae trailed off as Caity gasped and covered Marcus's ears, throwing Nae a horrified look.
"I am not, how dare you dribble such filth in front of sweet little Marcy-poo!" She cried as she stuck her nose in the air and turned her back on Nae.
"Whatever....What's the fascination with this stupid book anyway?" Nae asked as she opened Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise to a random page and scanned the words. Her eyes widened and she dropped the book. Backing away, she hugged herself as she stared at the book like it was pure evil....which in fact it was....dun dun dunnnnna dun dun!!!!
"-I am never speaking to you ever again! You are evil! How dare you compare me to an S-ranked criminal!!! I am so much more eviller than that!! I'm practically Z-ranked!!!! RAWR!!! And you know something else! Penguins really do wear tuxedo's!! So there! Hey what are you looking at!! Yeah that's right you run away!!! MUAHHAHAHHAAHHAH!!!!" Her rant complete Caity turned to look at Nae again, only to find that she had fainted, the dreaded book of evil at her feet. Creeping cautiously towards the book, she picked it up between her thumb and her pointer finger. One glance at the book and she too fainted, they even had the anime swirly eyes....they're awesome, I wish my eyes could do that...anyways...
Back in the park with the hideous gherkin relish stealing fiend!!
Kakashi had decided to take a detour through the park on his way to the book shop, seeing as how it was a nice day and all. He reached into his kunai holster and pulled out his beloved book, wait what was that?..Kakashi pulled the purple piece of paper of the cover and read the words that were, funnily enough, written in blue gel pen.
'Hey Kakashi-Sensei!!
I wanted to do something nice for ya so I altered your book a bit! Oh and by the way you so owe me ramen for this!
The futere hokage aka ramen meister aka prince of tomato sauce'
Well which one of his students could it be??....Well the evidence led him to believe it was.....Naruto, seeing as how he mentioned ramen, didn't spell future right and had incorrect grammar in his so called 'name'...what an idiot. Hesitantly Kakashi took the Icha Icha Paradise dust cover off the book to find that it had been replaced with 'The biography of the awesome Gai-Sensei, the most awesome and good-looking sensei ever!! Written by Rock Lee!!'. Kakashi slowly opened the book only to find that it was complete with pictures of him....without the spandex!!!! ARGH!!! Kakashi dropped the book and performed a very un-Kakashi-like fainting act.
Behind the swing set
"Muahahahhahaahahhha!! My evil plot worked perfectly!! Now the penguins shall have new tuxedos!!" Caity cackled as she tapped her fingers together, Mr Burns style. Nae just shook her head, there was no point trying to argue with her logic, you would surely lose because she was so thick. Afterall it didn't have to make sense for them to be able to understand it....
Three days later
Naruto had just been let out of the hospital, he was able to move around with the help of a pair of uberly awesome orange crutches. Suddenly a head of spikey white hair popped up from behind the bush in front of him.
"Naruto....prepare yourself...for a thousand years of Death!!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"ARGH!!!!" Naruto screeched as he began to hop as fast as he could in the direction that he come in, what was happening to his team mates? Why were they all out to get him? First Sakura, then Sasuke and his mallet, now Kakashi-Sensei! When would it end! Why was god punishing him? He said he was sorry when he accidently-on-purposely flooded Sasuke-Teme's house didn't he?? As his brain was hurting from so much thought at once, he stopped thinking and concentrated more on running, he had only just got out of the hospital there was no way that he was going back!! They had needles! And barely-cover-you-up dresses!! DRESSES!! He was the future Hokage, the Ramen Meister and the Prince of Tomato Sauce wasn't he??! He could not be seen in such attire, it was unfitting for his godly-ness!! At some point during this time Kakashi had trapped Naruto in a genjustu, so he thought he was running when really he wasn't getting anywhere. After a few moments of chuckling at Naruto's expense Kakashi decided to give him the final blow.
"A THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!!!!"
"GARGHHHHHH!!!" Naruto screamed as he and his awesome orange crutches became a pretty little speck in the distance. Kakashi beamed as he followed Naruto's minimizing form until it was no longer visible. Now that that was over and done with, time to find his beloved little baby....Oh what fiend would steal a defenceless book??! The cowards....
With Caity and Nae
"What the hell are we going to do with this disgusting waste of space anyway??" Caity asked as she held the little orange book as far away from herself as humanly possible.
"I say we burn it..." Nae said, trailing of as she pulled a cigarette lighter out of her pocket and waved it enthusiastically.
"Hmmmm....maybe.....Nope! Caity has a better idea that she thinks Nae will like!!"
"Ooh what is it Caity? Nae wants to know!!"
"Hehehe...."
Sasuke's house
Sasuke stretched as he opened his front door, training was tiring....For some reason Kakashi and Naruto were absent. Hmm oh well, walking into his room he noticed a small, rectangular orange object on his pillow. Curious, he pulled the purple note off it and read the words written in blue gel pen.
'Hey Sasuke!
I know it's really late but here's your birthday present!
The number one ninja who thrashes Gai's level of awesomeness anyday,
Kakashi-sensei.
P.S: Feel free to worship me later....Naruto did.'
Hmmm what kind of present could it be?? Sasuke was excited until he saw the little red symbol on the front. Frowning he performed some hand signs and...
"Fire ball Jutsu!!!"
Meanwhile on a branch, that's attached to a tree, that just so happens to be situated outside Sasuke's window.
"Well Nae, you were right it did get burnt.."
"Yeah....I wish I could do that...then I wouldn't need this crappy lighter. Feh show-off!!! Just cause you can breathe fire and I can't!! You think your so good!" Then changing to a high pitched squeaky voice she continued. "Oh look at me!! I'm the last of the Uchiha clan!! I hate the world!! Die Itachi!! I can breathe fire out of mouth!! Wow!!! I'm also gay because I don't so much as look at girls and who cares about having friends!! I'm all emo because Lee, Naruto and Gai-sensei have better fashion sense then I ever could!! Oooooo I'm Kakashi's favourite because I'm an emotionless bastard!! No one will ever love me!! Whoo! Aren't I awesome because I have trippy eyes that spin!!! Aren't you all just jealous!! Ahhh I broke a nail and I just got a manicure yesterday!! Donkeys! Maybe I should go chidori some random because he looked at me the wrong way!! I'm going to run away with a snakey-bastard, who might also be a pedaphile and wear tutus, just because I can!!! I'm going to kill Lee because my jumpsuit in the chuunin exams didn't look nearly as awesome as his!!! Wah wah wah!!.....wah!" After completing her rant Nae inhaled a huge amount of oxygen to prevent herself from passing out and jumped off the tree branch. Caity was already of the ground having collapsed with laughter after the Orochimaru comment.
"Come on lets blow this ice cube stand!!" Nae said as she supported Caity, who was too weak with laughter to walk by herself.
"Tutu...snakey-bastad...trippy eyes...hahahhah!!"
Caity: Well this is where I leave you amigos!! Oh one more thing, the views expressed in Nae's impression of Sasuke in no way, shape or form represent the views of either of us. Right Nae?
Nae: Absolmutelies!!! It was all for humour purposes...The Orochimaru comment was serious though..
Caity: Ehehe she's just joking...Glares..Right Nae???
Nae: No, I'm completely ser- Gets hit on the head by Caity HEY!! What was that for!!!....Oh right!! .....Uhm yes I was just joking..heheh
Caity: Good Nae..
Gaara: Why aren't I in the story??
Caity: Well Gaara, your my favourite so it's most likely that I will save you until last and your punishment will be the worst..
Gaara: How in the hell of it does that work?
Caity: Shrugs
Kankuro: Yeah when do I get to make my grand entrance!!
Nae: To be honest we really haven't thought it through that far yet...
Caity:..yeah I don't think you'll even be in this story..
Kankuro: What!!??!?!???!?
Gaara: Ha!
Kankuro: Why I oughtta!!!......Gets attacked by Gaara's totally awesome clumps of sand...I mean Sand Shuriken..eheh
Kankuro: X.X
Caity: Whooo!!! Well done Gaara!! High fives
Nae: As always read, review and if you have any suggestions feel free to share them and you might just get a dedication..Yayz!!!