The End and What Its Worth- Chapter 2

Leave Out All the Rest

".......yay!! so im writing this on my super-awesome brand new tiny laptop (may i stress tiny?) and still adapting 2. this story apparently ignores hotch getting shot- i didnt want to ddo that, but i guess the plot bunnies disagreed!!! it please r&r!"'

Reid had never been a fan of the dark, but right now, the blissful emptiness was exhilarating, and the best feeling he had ever felt. Although he was terrified, he felt strangely calm. He could sense Morgan still hoovering over his body, and he could still feel the dilaudid coursing through his veins. The room was spinning so fast that he was practically blind. Morgan's words of comfort faded, and the darkness finally overtook his body.....

The ambulance arrived just in time to save Reid's life, and Morgan thanked the paramedics for doing so. They had managed to revive his colleague's body, but they feared that the loss of oxygen to the brain may have caused damaged. Morgan shook his head, dismissing the medics.

He had called the BAU as soon as he was told the news. A few minutes later, the team had arrived in their black SUV's.

"Dilaudid? Why would Reid do that? He has already dealt with the consequences of addiction- why would he go back?" Hotch asked.

"Some people drink, some people eat, some people needed his own way to deal with things- something that was familiar to him. Haven't you ever wanted to escape this world? The tragedy? The hurt? Reid's the youngest out of all of us- and I think we can all agree he's seen the most evil,too." Rossi mumbled, as he stared out the hospital window, mindlessly lost between excepting what had just happened, and trying to wake up from the nightmare. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was still in the hospital. 'Damn, I just wish that would work once.' he thought.

Prentiss sighed, and turned around to face the team. "He's right- I just wish to God he wasn't." she agreed. The team all felt the same way, although none verbally said this. 'Why was it always Reid? Hadn't he suffered enough? Had been hurt enough?' she thought. The BAU team was very protective of their youngest member, because he was their last chance- their last chance at family, escaping their hellish nightmares, and, most importantly, happiness. This job may have came with perks,but the bad outweighed the good. They were terrified to close their eyes, their family and friends had accused them of abandoning them for their jobs, and it was extremely difficult and rare to see anyone smile at the BAU lately. One bad thing had been happening after another, and they all coped with it in their own way.

JJ stared into Reid's hospital room- afraid that at any given moment he would pass on. She didn't know how she could possibly live without the smart, loving, Dr Spencer Reid, if he were to ever die. A lonesome tear fell from the corner of her eye, and she promptly wiped it away. She thought about Henry, Will, and the team all of which she categorized as family. What would she do to keep her family safe? How far would she go? Unfortunately, she knew none of these answers.

Morgan paced the hospital hallways vigerously, as if walking backing and forth would solve everything. As if it would keep his collegue that he looked at as his younger brother, alive. But no, the only thing the pacing solved was keeping his anger under control. How could he let Reid do this? Why didn't he stay with him? He knew he needed it, but he abandonded him when he needed him. He felt like a guilty brother, and a horrible friend. A brother's mission was to keep his siblings safe, and a friend's was to always be there when you were needed, and he had failed at both of these. Reid meant the world to him- how was he going to save him from dying when Reid didn't want to be saved- insisting that nothing at all was wrong?

The doctor emerged from the office down the hall, and confronted the team on Reid's behalf. "He's signed a DNR, but I honestly think that won't matter. Dr. Reid underwent minor damage to the brain, but I think that with some therapy and rehab he might make a full recovery. I understand his mother is schizophrenic, and I suggest therapy because trauma and events that cause stress and depressive episodes may trigger the disease to infect the patent's body faster than it would without it." he explained to the team.

They all looked down at the floor, unsure what to say. What was there to say? Thank you? Is there something we can do to help? It all seemed useless- what would these questions solve? The only thing these questions added, were more questions.

"He's stable at the moment. Would you like to visit him?" the doctor asked the team.

Hotch nodded his head. "Um, I guess I'll visit him first. You guys can figure out who visits him next." he said. With that, both the doctor and the BAU's leader walked away from the team. Hotch went right, walking in the direction to Reid's room, and the doctor walking the opposite way, towards his office...

Reid's Room

Hotch sat on the side of Reid's bed, and sighed. This was one of the last places he wanted to be right now. This situation, this time,this place- it was all hopelessly familiar. The same sadness, the same empty tears, and the same sleepless nights. And how much longer could his team take this? There was no doubt in Hotch's mind that this job would most likely be the death of them all, which bothered him the most. They saved a countless amount lives, but at what cost? A young man's innocence who had to raise himself and his schizophrenic mother by himself? A protective friend's life who did not easily trust? A new mom, or an old friend? They may have saved many people, but the cost was themselves. There was no turning back from this job- it would destroy you, or find you if you ran from it.

Reid coughed, and opened his eyes slowly, "Hotch?" he said weakly, his voice cracking.

"Why,Reid? Why would you do this again?" Hotch asked.

"I.........I..............wasn't strong enough.....I...I...had to..." he coughed again.

"What did you have to do?" he asked.

"I had to...to....escape....feel safe again......no-not......fear what I...I might see.....when I close my eyes......and alone in my....my apartment......." his voice quivered, and his eyes shut automatically.

"Why didn't you come to us? Tell us what was wrong? Reid, you do know we want to help you? We aren't going to leave you." Hootch asked.

"Ye-yes. I know........it's just too....too hard, too real.....to talk about.....no....I...I don't want to talk about this......the-the nightmares....hallucinations.......'; Reid stammered.

"Hallucinations?" Hotch asked. Reid shook his head yes.

"A.....a little girl.....who-who comes to me and tells me....that it's my fault........she's dead. Th-that I....I didn't...save her......and n-now....she's dead." Reid's voice was heartbreaking, and the tears rolling down his eyes made Hotch want to hug him.

"Reid, it's not your fault. Do you even know who she is? No. She's not real- it's just you subconscious trying to blame you, because deep down you feel guilty. I'm not the one to judge if you guilty, but if there's only one thing I know about you, it's that you don't do this. You don't blame yourself for what you had no control over, and you're stronger than this- you don't give up like this. You've always been a fighter." Hotch said.

Reid shook his head no. "I-I've blamed my-myself everyday....I-I was suppose......to be strong....and deal with it....not let it win...I was suppose to...." Reid could no longer control himself- he broke down in front of his boss right then and there.

Hotch wrapped his arms around Reid, and in return Reid rested his head against Hotch's chest, sobbing uncontrollable teats. "Shh.....it will work out- no one's going to leave you." Hotch whispered in Reid's ear.

What happened next was strong enough to break the most unemotional, hardest men- Reid's breathing labored, and he starting a coughing fit. Reid felt that this would be a good day to die- in the company of friends, on a snowy day, and reassured that you didn't screw up- that this wasn't your fault. "Hotch...." Reid said, strainly.

Hotch nodded his head and turned his head to face Reid. "If....if I die tonight? Wo-would you te-tell the team I-I'll mi-miss them? And I-I'm so sorry for.....making them wa-watch their fr-friend destroy himself........and can y-you ask them to never for-forget me? To-to forget the wr-wrong that I've done? And just re-remember the good mem-memories?" Reid choked out. Hotch's heart sank, and he lovingly hugged Reid tightly, afraid that if he let go, the team would lose him forever.

Unfortunately, he had no choice but to let go when Reid's breathing stopped all together, and his eyes went blank.

"Please! Some one! Help!" Hotch shouted. Immediately, two nurses and a doctor rushed into the room with a crash cart. The doctor prepped the equipment for being used- placing the correct gel on the paddles, and rubbing them together.

"Clear!" he shouted. He shouted clear three more times until Reid finally gasped. Reid's eyes looked as though he was confused, and the doctor noted the new color of them- they were beginning to go back to their regular light brown color.

"Excuse me, sir?" A nurse said to Hotch. Hotch gave her his attention, and she continued on talking. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room." she said, sounding a bit sad. She didn't want to make the man leave, but the Dr. had to check on Reid now.

Hotch shook his head, and said, "Of course", knowing there would be no winning the argument. Hoch was escorted out the room, and onto a nearby bench.

He let out a shaky sigh, and clasped his hands to together. He bowed his head, and did something he hadn't done in a very long time. "Our heavenly Father, forgive my sins. I have turned away from you, but I really need you right now. Bless my team, and always protect them. Save Reid from this-this nightmare he's in right now. Let his survive this, and be his old self again. Help him, God,please. He needs you right now, as does my team neeeds you- including myself. Be with us, and please let him surive." he pleaded. He unclasped his hands, and started crying. "Damn it, Reid! Don't leave us!" he yelled. He sat by himself, head down, on the bench, and cried for hours.....

A Few Weeks Later

The BAU had been silent since Reid had been admitted. No one spouted off facts randomly, no one drank coffee with loads of sugar, no one smiled. They all knew this job would never be the same if Reid didn't survive. Fortunately, Reid had recovered from the hospital, and admitted into rehab. He had only one more week until he could return to work, and the team was happy about that.

But with all this evil happening, they knew it would be a while until any of them smiled again. Reid was poisoned with Anthrax, they had seen an UnSub who killed over 89 innocent people, and fed their remains to the pigs. Reid had finally had enough, and gave in to the drug again. Now, the BAU was down one member, and they realized that they would never be the team they once were. That case had changed their lives, and there was no going back to normal from that. This was now normal for them- no one talked, smiled, or laughed, and the member they all protected would never be the same person they previously knew. The depressing fact that no one wanted to face, was that the job had won the long-fought battle- it had finally completely altered and took over their lives.

Reid was the only thing the team could think about, and they all wanted so badly to hear his voice again. JJ, Morgan, Prentiss, Hotch, Rossi, and Garcia had lost all sense of happiness- not even Garcia could cheer herself up with her office full of pictures and fluffy pink pens, and various ornaments could make her smile. The team had decided to eat lunch in the briefing room for the absence of Reid, and the team rarely talked at that time.

"Hotch?" Garcia asked.

Hotch turned his head so he could face Garcia's. "What is it, Garcia?"

"Will.......will we ever see the Reid we love and know again?" she asked, but she already knew the answer. In fact, they all did. Reid would never be the same again, and there was no chance that the team would ever see him smile again.....at least for a very long time.

The team shared glances at each other, waiting for Hotch to answer. Htoch sighed, and stared out the window.

"I sure hope so."

Las Vegas Rehab Center

Reid wanted to leave Las Vegas as soon as possible. He didn't like the memories it gave him of his childhood- his schizophrenic mother, AWOL dad, Riley Jenkins, the bullies at school, and all the other repressed memories he had no intention of living through again. He had wished he could have stayed in the state for rehab, but he knew that was impossible- if any one figured out he was an agent in the bureau, he would most likely lose his job. He wished he could see the supportive faces of his friends and teammates, but he wouldn't allow himself that pleasure now. He was a mess, and he didn't want them to worry once they saw how bad he looked, and he had disappointed all of them.

Reid pulled out his cell phone, and called Hotch's cell. He waited impatiently for him to answer- he really needed to hear the voices of his friends.

"Hotchner."

"Hotch.....hi, it's,um........Reid." he said, sounding relieved.

"Hold on, I'll put you on speaker." Hotch said. He sat the phone on the table, and called the team over.

"Hey guys......." Reid said.

"Reid!" Garcia exclaimed.

"Hey pretty boy, when you plannin' on comin' home?" Morgan asked.

"Um.....since it was easier to get me clean than they expected, they said I could leave in 2 days. I miss you guys so much. It's so lonely in Vegas." he said, sounding like he had been lonely.

"The BAU hasn't been the same without you, Spence." JJ said.

"Hi JJ." Reid smiled. He wondered if she had actually meant what she had said. "How's Henry?"

"Missing his godfather. Hurry home, kid." Rossi answered.

"Believe me- I will." Reid said.

"Sorry to cut this short guys, but Strauss is looking for us.'' Hotch said. "We all miss you Reid." he added.

"I miss you guys,too." Reid answered.

"Bye Reid." Prentiss said.

"Bye guys, I'll see you soon." With that, he hung up.

Reid flipped his phone closed, and fingered the medallion in his pocket. 'This will work. And I won't turn back to it.' Reid told himself, remembering what the officer who gave it to him had said. He decided to take a walk, and he took his last two vials of dilaudid with him. He walked for half an hour until he finally reached the wooded area, where he had studied as a child for high school exams and such. He had found a cliff at the very end of the woods, and that was where he was headed now. He stood at the very edge of it, and sighed.

"I want to do this." he kept repeating to himself until he finally believed his own words. He took a step back, and closed his eyes. With his right hand, he threw the bottles over the cliff, where he would never find them again. He smiled, and opened his eyes. For the longest time, he just stood there, completely free of the world that had hurt and trapped him. 'This is nice.' he thought. He sat down, and stared at the edge of the cliff. A few moments later, he found his eyes closing, and his body laying down. A smile crossed his face, and, for once in Reid's life, he was completely oblivious to the world around him..........

".........whoa! that turned out waaaaaaaay differnt than iexpected! oh well! and in case u hadnt caught the slight song referencce, it was leave out all the rest, by linkin park....i hope that didn't suck!!! please r&r!!!!"