I HAVE RETURNED!!! Though only for today ^^;

I only got two reviews, but that's ok! I'm just writing this cuz it's stuck in my head otherwise. So here's the next part, enjoy!

Admin.: No, I don't own, or I would certainly have taught Naruto everything he knows x3

So here I am now, sulking in a dark corner anime-style - arms wrapped around the knees, dark mutterings, the whole shebang. And suddenly, I get an idea: why not actually become his older sister? He certainly looks lonely enough for me to pull it off! And at least I'll get to watch dear Shikamaru from a distance (When he's older, I mean, I'm not a pedo no matter what people might think). So without further ado I walked up to him, and promptly poked his forehead. He fell, swore, and all bystanders ducked for cover (and I'm cackling on the inside).

"What'cha do that for?!" Naruto yelled as he pushed himself up, rubbing his forehead. As much as I wanted to laugh, I held it in, and instead pointed at my own forehead: "Nasty wrinkles for a kid."* He stared, I grinned; finally he grumbled "Kid yourself!" and made to leave. Before he managed to get away though I quickly asked: "Wanna go eat ramen?"

As much as he tried to hide it, the little bugger actually drooled at the very word. Too predictable me thinks. So without further ado (ain't I repetitive x3) I grabbed his arm, and proceeded to drag him all the way to Ichiraku. It was rather funny watching his struggles diminish more and more the closer we came to the shop, until he was finally dragging me along! And so here we are, sitting inside Ichiraku ramen, enjoying a nice pot of noodles with naruto** in them (how ironic).

Of course I know everything there is to know about Naruto; I've seen the series, read the manga, watched the movies, etc. But of course, being here in the story with said character, I can't exactly just blurt out like a fortune teller how I know everything that's going to happen to him: either he'll get really freaked out and run away, or he'll misunderstand and think I'm just like everybody else, aka a racist hypocrit. So the need for subtlety and acting skills acquired through my childhood was rather obvious. This is pretty much how it went:

I turned to him and asked: "So what were you doing all by yourself?" Boy, the gloominess was tangible; I swear the darkness increased on his side!

"It's nothing" he replied, and I can tell you that that sounded as true as the lies my dear 'new' father used to say to 'new' mother when he came home late. So I slapped him on the back of the head, and answered: "At least try to set your body language to what you're saying!" Grumbling he rubbed the back of his head, but I could tell the darkness had brightened just a little bit, and inwardly I was cheering for myself. So I quickly ordered a new round of ramen from the old man, and continued questioning Naruto about the things I already knew.

And so of course it came out that he'd been avoided since he was born, the only nice person being the third Hokage***, and now me. Poor guy didn't even know why yet! So I decided, as a fellow lonely hermit, to give him some good advice: "You want people to pay attention to you? Make 'em see you!" And this makes me, ladies and gents, the creator of Naruto's flamboyant nature! I jumped up, paid for the ramen and dragged him out and towards my place. Recently they'd left behind some paint buckets after they'd renovated it, and they would come in very handy! Quickly grabbing them I then proceeded to my intended target: the main building!

At some point I think it clicked in Naruto's head (after he'd finished moping about the uneaten ramen left behind), and he became curious as to how this would work. There was no need to explain: we snuck inside (boy was security lax!) and used ropes to drag ourselves down the side of the building. "Watch this!" I whispered with an evil grin, and promptly painted a big Japanese face**** on the side, partially blocking the Hokage's windows. After watching for a while Naruto started sporting an equally evil smile, and made his own drawings appear.

We continued like this until sunrise, and it certainly was a spectacular sight. "But how will this make people notice me?" Naruto asked. I grinned, and pointed on my side of the building: there, in flamboyant orange lettering, I'd written 'The great Uzumaki Naruto greets you, losers!' with the typical swirl of a naruto. Naruto blinked, sweatdropped, and then looked rather frightened at the huge crowd that was starting to gather. So I gave him that final push to take the glory; and as he hung from the rope he was still attached to (yep it was literal), I yelled: "Now they see you, Naruto! Have fun!" and immediately ran into hiding. Come on, you really expect me to take the fall with him? I'm supposed to become his stern, reliable sister, you know?

Looking back as I ran home, I could see poor Naruto being scolded as he was pulled up by several shinobi; and on his face was the biggest grin I'd ever seen since we first met.

*The forehead wrinkles between your eyebrows are when you frown. Sort of Jap. folklore is that if you frown too much, you get a headache and the frown will freeze, giving you an unhappy look forever; the only way to point it out and remove it is by poking someone on the forehead, right where the frown is.

**Naruto is originally that role of fish with the swirl in the middle that Naruto uses as his symbol.

***Around this point technically Naruto hasn't entered the shinobi school yet (though he will soon), so he doesn't know Iruka-sensei yet.

****That Japanese face is something typical that little kids draw: they create a face by using the hiragana 'no' 'no' 'mo' and 'tsu'. You can typically see it in several animes as a joke; the one I remember is in Soul Eater, though I can't remember which ep.

So there ya go! Ya get to read AND learn! 'Gets banana-peel thrown at her face' Or not. Your choice.

I don't know when the next chap will be out. It already took me a better half of the week to get this one out at all, so don't keep your hopes up too high! See you next time! Reed & River!