"Okay," said Hayden softly. "Okay." He sat next to Tom, his back against the wall as well, and put an arm around the distraught young man. After a moment, Tom allowed himself to be pulled closer and leaned against Hayden, sobbing harder as the man put his other arm around him. "Okay."

Late that evening, Scott Hayden sat in his office trying to figure out how he was going to adjust his case now that he no longer had Marvin Kern's testimony to present. The sound of his cell phone ringing on his desk jarred him from his thoughts. "Hayden," he answered.

"Scott…Mark Michaels here."

"Hey, Mark."

"What's going on with the Eckert case? I've been hearing all kinds of crazy things all day," said the detective.

"Yeah, well…crazy or not, they're probably true."

"Kern is dead?"

"Yeah," Hayden answered matter of factly. "He is. Damn it, Mark, I thought we had all our bases covered on this one. We did everything to keep everyone from getting to him, but we didn't protect him from himself."

"So he really did it? Offed himself?" asked Michaels.

"Yeah." Hayden sighed. "Video confirmed it. The officer on duty who was supposed to be watching thought he was asleep and left to get some coffee…not like they could have gotten there in time to save him anyway though."

"Shit. Any idea why he did it?"

"I guess he meant it…all the crying and saying he was sorry and the nightmares," said Hayden.

"Best way he could have shown he was sorry would have been to testify," said Michaels.

"I know…I know."

"How's Hanson doing? I heard you called off early today."

"He was doing pretty good for awhile. I could tell it was getting to him though. But this was more than he could take today. It was pretty bad," said Hayden.

"Damn. Think he's gonna make it through this whole trial?" asked Michaels.

"He's going to have to."

Michaels sighed. "So what now? You have Kern's deposition. Can you introduce that into evidence?"

"It's been done before," answered Hayden. "But I don't know. It's risky. If Eckert's convicted it gives him an open door for an appeal. And he'd probably get out on bond while it's pending. You know what that means."

"Could be months or years before he exhausts all of his appeal options," said Michaels. "And in the meantime he's free as a bird to do whatever he wants or even skip out on his bail."

"The record on dead witness testimonies isn't good. Jurors don't like to convict based on a piece of paper that we say was what the witness said. And that's even if the judge allows it, which is doubtful. I think I'm going to have to go with just Tom on this one."

"Well, if I can do anything to help, let me know."

"Thanks, Mark. I appreciate it."

"I blew it."

"How so, Tom?" asked Dr. Hirsch.

Tom was sitting on the floor of his bedroom, leaning against the bed, phone in hand. He spoke quietly so as not to disturb his mother who had gone to bed early after the eventful day. "I lost it. I tried so hard…" His voice broke as he continued, "I tried so hard all day to keep it together…but when he told me about Kern…"

"What did that do to you?"

"It just…I just figured…that was it," Tom said simply. "It's over. What do I do now? They aren't going to believe me. And…shit…I wasn't anywhere near being done testifying, and now…now there's no one to back me up…no one to say it really happened."

"You say it really happened, Tom," said Hirsch. "You say it."

Tom sniffed. "What good will that do? It's his word against mine…and that woman is trying to make me look like I'm lying."

"It doesn't matter, Tom. You get up there and you tell the truth. You tell what happened and what he did to you, and that's all that matters. If he walks, he walks…but you've done your part, and the people who really matter…they know the truth."

"What's the point then?" asked Tom.

"The point is," said Hirsch, "you did the right thing. You stood up for yourself and did the right thing. This guy has done a lot of bad things in his life. He'll probably do a lot more. But you got him convicted for murdering that girl. And you're doing your best to get him convicted for this…to make it so he can't hurt anyone else. It takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing."

"No," said Tom softly.

"No what, Tom?"

"No courage," he answered. "I'm scared to death."

"That's what courage is…doing it even though you're scared," said Hirsch. "It's what makes you brave."

"I don't think so. I think…maybe…I used to be…but…shit, I was sitting on the bathroom floor crying like a baby for Christ's sake!"

"It was a normal reaction to everything that happened, Tom. Nothing wrong with that." The psychologist paused. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"Like…I don't know…I have to do it…I just…I don't know…if I can," said Tom. "I just don't know if I can keep doing this."

"You can. You can do it. I know that. Hey listen…I was thinking…would you mind if I sat in on things tomorrow?"

Tom took the phone away from his ear and put his head back, sighing in relief. He had been hoping that the doctor would offer to sit in on the trial for support, but he hadn't felt comfortable asking him.

"Tom? Tom…are you still there?"

Tom put the phone back up to his ear. "Yeah…I'm here. Uh…if you want to come to the trial…yeah…that would be okay," he said, trying to sound indifferent.

Hirsch smiled to himself, glad that Tom had taken him up on his offer. "Okay…good. I'll be there first thing in the morning. So I think we'd better get some sleep then."

"Yeah, you're right," Tom said, knowing full well that sleep would not come easily, if at all, for him that night. "Thank you, Dr. Hirsch. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome. Happy to do it, Tom. See you tomorrow."

"Officer Hanson, when we left off yesterday you had testified about being abducted by Lee Eckert and two other men, being beaten by them, tied up, and gagged, and then threatened with a gun. Is that correct?" asked Hayden.

From the witness stand, Tom replied, "Yes, it is."

"Would you please continue with what happened next?"

"Well, he was touching me again and stuff. Then he…he undid my belt and unzipped my jeans…pulled me up off my back and turned me over…face down…on the hood of the car. He told one of the other guys to come over and hold me down…said he might let them…have a go at me too." Tom looked at Hayden. "That's what he said…'have a go' at me. He said it was like that in jail…I didn't have a say in who could…do things to me. The other guy was leaning on my back, and I…I couldn't breathe very well…everything hurt so bad…and I heard him…Eckert…I heard him unzip his pants." Tom shuddered. "Then he had his hands on my hips, and he pulled my jeans down." He stopped to take a breath and was grateful when Hayden filled the silence with another question.

"He pulled your jeans down? And your underwear too?"

Tom looked up at the D.A. and then back down again. "Yeah," he said quietly.

"Your Honor!" Rosa Sheffield's voice rang out from the defense table. "Would you please ask the witness to speak up? We were unable to hear his answer."

Judge Andrews directed his attention toward Tom. "Officer Hanson, please repeat your answer and be sure to speak into the microphone."

Tom leaned forward, closer to the microphone, and said, "I said 'yes'."

"What happened next, Tom?" asked Hayden.

"He pushed my shirt up…had his hands all over me. He was up against me…grabbed me…between my legs." Tom shook his head. "I tried to get away. I tried hard, but…he started to…I knew what he was gonna do…I just knew it. And…the guy who was holding me down…he kind of let up, and I got out from under him. But…" He put his head down.

"But what?"

Tom looked up. "Eckert grabbed me… he was furious…cussing and screaming at the other guy…he slammed my face into the car a few times…told me again he'd kill me. I…my head…he almost knocked me out." His lips were trembling and he blinked back tears, shrugging. "And that was it." He looked down at his hands, clasping them to try to keep them from shaking. "He uh…that's when…" He stopped speaking.

"Tom?" said Hayden gently.

"Uh…" Tom looked back up at the man, seeing the encouragement in his eyes. "That's when he…he forced himself inside of me." There. He'd said it. It was out…in front of everyone…the judge, the jury, the spectators, his friends…his mother. He felt the nausea stirring in his stomach and fought the urge to get sick, concentrating on the D.A. and his next question.

"What did you do?"

"I screamed…I cried…I was begging him to stop…but…I was gagged and…everything just came out all muffled anyway…and he was laughing and he said I was bleeding a lot and how good it felt and…God…it hurt so bad…and I couldn't breathe…I was choking…and he just kept doing it." Tom looked at Hayden with tearful eyes, as though they were the only two people in the room, and spoke directly to him. "He just kept doing it. He said I liked it." He shook his head, and the tears fell. "I didn't. I didn't like it, but…but…he…touched me, and…"

"Touched you where?" asked Hayden, hating every minute of this as much as Tom hated it.

Tom lowered his head. "He grabbed me…again…between my legs…my crotch." He tried to control his breathing and thought briefly about searching out Dr. Hirsch in the crowd but was afraid of what else…or who else…he might see if he did that. "He was moving in and out of me and…rubbing me, and…it…I…was hard…and he made me come. Then he pulled out." Shame washed over him as well as relief from getting it out, but the nausea was threatening once again and he concentrated on keeping it down. Please…please…don't puke here.

"Officer Hanson?" he heard the judge say.

Tom turned to face the man in the robe sitting to his right. "Sir?"

"I asked you if you were all right," said Judge Andrews.

"Um…" Tom looked around and saw Hayden eyeing him with concern. "Yeah…yes…yes, sir." He directed his attention back to the judge. "I'm okay."

"Just the same," said Andrews, "we'll take a twenty minute recess."

Everyone filed out of the courtroom as Tom and Hayden remained in place. "Come on," said Hayden. "Let's go get something to drink."

Tom shook his head vehemently.

"In the conference room. No one else will be there. Come on." Hayden opened the small gate to the witness box and looked at Tom who, after a moment, stood up and followed him out of the room.

Tom sat at the table with his unopened bottle of water.

"You're sure you don't want to see your mom real quick? Or anyone else?" asked Hayden.

The young man nodded, fiddling with the cap on the bottle, twisting it so that it was almost open, then tightening it again, over and over.

"Dr. Hirsch?"

Tom looked up momentarily, then down again, and shook his head.

Hayden sighed. "I know you don't want to hear it again, but you're doing good. And we're getting there…we'll have a lunch break soon. Can you make it until then? Keep going?"

Tom nodded and finished twisting the bottle cap, moving instead to the label which he began to slowly peel away from the bottle.

The D.A. watched him for a minute and then said, "Well…I guess we'd better be getting back then."

Tom stood up and walked out the door, tossing the still unopened bottle into the trash on his way.

"He said we weren't done yet."

"What did he do then, Tom?" asked Hayden.

"He was inside me again…saying things about…payback. He was…moving really fast…hard. I was getting sick…crying…and I…I kind of started to black out, but…he pulled me up and slapped me…a couple of times…telling me to stay awake. Then he was doing it again…and he finally…he came…inside of me." Tom put his head down.

"Okay…okay," said Hayden. "Then what?"

"He pulled out…pulled my pants back up and turned me onto my back. He was touching my face…running his hand through my hair…telling me I did good. He was…" Tom squirmed in his seat involuntarily. "…he had his face in my neck again…licking me…saying things in my ear. And he said…it was time to end it. He pulled me up and pushed me, and I fell on the ground. The other guys came back and…they were kicking me." His breath was coming faster now…causing him to struggle to get the words out. "I just…I wanted to die. I wanted it to be over. There was so much pain…I couldn't take any more."

Hayden looked at him sympathetically. "What happened next?"

"They dragged me over…behind a dumpster…dropped me on the ground. Eckert was there…I was on the ground…he pulled me up…put the gun up to my head. He said it was over…asked me if I was ready to die…told me…he told me God wasn't going to help me." Tom put a hand over his mouth to stifle the choked sound that tried to come out. Almost over…it's almost over.

"He didn't shoot you though."

Tom shook his head. "No. He laughed…waved the gun around…said he wasn't going to kill me. He said…he wanted to me live with it…remember it…be afraid that he might come back and do it again. Then he hit me…with the gun." He looked up at Hayden, eyes wide. "I was knocked out. I…I don't remember much…after that. I kept waking up and wondering…why I wasn't dead yet…wishing I was. And then…I guess they found me."

"Yes…yes, they did. Thank you, Tom. Your Honor, I'm done until redirect."

"Very well," said Judge Andrews. "Court will recess for lunch and reconvene at one o'clock."

Hayden approached the witness stand as everyone stood to leave. Tom was sitting with his head down, his fingers intertwined tightly. The D.A. leaned over, trying to catch Tom's eye as he spoke. "Tom? You okay?"

The officer nodded without looking up.

"Come on…let's get something to eat."

Tom shook his head.

"We can go with the others, or not…whatever you want. Or you can go somewhere by yourself."

There was no response.

Hayden turned to look behind him and saw Mrs. Hanson, Fuller, Doug, and Dr. Hirsch waiting…watching them. He shook his head and shrugged. He saw Hirsch say something to the others, who then left the room as Hirsch approached the stand. Hayden stood up to leave, nodding at the doctor as he passed.

Hirsch crouched down in front of the witness stand to bring himself down to Tom's level. He reached out and put a hand on Tom's shoulder, the young man flinching slightly at the touch but not pulling away. "Tom? Can you look at me?"

Tom took a deep breath and swallowed hard before raising his head slowly to look at Hirsch.

"Let's go to the conference room and talk, okay? Just you and I."

"I don't want to go in there anymore," Tom said softly and sadly.

Hirsch contemplated the words and then said gently, "Okay. Let's go outside then…and walk. And if you want to, we can talk. If not, that's okay too. But let's not stay in here. Okay?"

Tom said nothing but seemed to be relaxing.

"Okay," said Hirsch. "Come on then." He stood up, keeping contact with Tom's shoulder, and Tom stood up after him. "Come on." As Tom stepped out of the witness box, Hirsch put his arm around his shoulder, and they walked together out of the courtroom.

It's still not boring, right? The trial and such? I hope not! A big thank you to everyone still reading and especially the faithful reviewers who never let me down! :-)