Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 9

Note: Woo! Sorry this took so long guys, I really am. But its final exam weeks and you know what that means…Claire does not have much fanficing time. But since I know this is late, guess what? There's lots of SHAWN-ANGST in this chapter! YES!

Beware the foul language at the end!

Enjoy!

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Despite the great few days he'd had Shawn couldn't fight this strange foreboding feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something was going to happen today, but he had no idea what. He just hoped it had nothing to do with Lassiter. He pushed the thoughts aside and focused on all the good things that had happened to him. His life was great, so why was he trying to ruin it?

"Hey, Shawn!" The teen turned as his name was called, smiling when he saw Gus making his way towards him. Shutting his locker, which he'd been mindlessly starting into for several minutes, he smiled at his friend.

"Hey Gus," He greeted warmly as they began to walk towards the gym foyer door out to the courtyard that sat next to the football field. They made their way to their lunch tree. "How was the rest of your Sunday evening?" The previous night the two had had their weekly movie night, ordered pizza and watched their favorite movie of all time – the Sound of Music.

"I watched Mary Poppins as soon as you left." Gus grinned.

"No way! I watched it as soon as I got home!" Shawn laughed. "Julie Andrews is a goddess."

"I hear that." They fist-bumped before going around opposite sides of their table to sit against the tree trunk as they always did. "So, you see Lassiter yet today?"

"No, but I mean we did talk on the phone Sunday, before I went to your house. But I told you about that."

"Yea, you guys were thinking about hanging out on Friday, right?"

"Yea…they doesn't seem too soon does it?"

"No. I mean, you both agreed on that day, its not like you begged for it and he didn't want to."

"I guess. Maybe he was just being polite."

"I will kill you, Shawn." Gus threatened, as he always did when Shawn put himself down.

"Why are you killing Shawn?" A new voice asked and they turned to see Juliet and Lassiter placing their lunch bags down and sitting.

"Because he's jealous of my hair." Shawn offered her with a smile, she grinned back and Shawn let his eyes drift to the male sitting across from him. "Hey, Lassie." Shawn said almost softly, with a smile.

"Hey, Shawn." The senior said with a similar smile. "How was your weekend?"

"Fantastic, and yours?"

"Pretty damn good."

"Oh God, the flirting." Gus whispered to Juliet, pretend gagging. Juliet laughed and smiled as the two turned beat red.

"Oh, they're blushing!"

"Shut up." They said at once, blushing deeper.

The other two laughed again, and Shawn quickly spoke, trying to get the topic from him and Lassiter. "Gus and I were on Julie Andrews kicks this weekend."

"Oh, I love her!" Lassiter said, a little too excitedly. He blushed embarrassedly and murmured something about the Sound of Music being his favorite movie.

"That's my favorite movie too!" Shawn cried, "We'll have to watch it together sometime." Shawn said that a bit too excitedly, but Lassiter smiled.

"Yea, definitely. That's what we could do this weekend." During their phone call the two had been unsure of what they wanted to do. They were thinking maybe bowling or something but that wasn't that great an idea.

"Yes! Perfect!" Shawn clapped his hands excitedly. The two just smiled at each other for a long moment, then:

"Uh, Juliet, could I uh, talk to you for a second…over there?" Shawn glanced over as Gus spoke. His eyes widened excited as he knew what was about to happen.

"Sure, Gus." She said with a confused smile on her face.

"He's gonna do it." Shawn whispered excitedly to Lassiter.

"Finally!" The older teen said, laughing at the look Shawn gave him. "Please, you're not the only one trying to play matchmaker with those two."

"Wow," Shawn said dreamily, staring at Lassiter, "You're even more perfect than I thought." The older teen blushed yet again and turned to look at their other two friends. Shawn turned and looked, watching Juliet as Gus stumbled over his words. He stared at the girl and several thoughts that he'd been having the past few weeks filled his head. He was worried Juliet didn't actually like him, like she was just putting up a show for her best friend because Lassiter liked Shawn (he did right now anyway, 'cause as Shawn knew, good things didn't last very long).

He worried that she didn't actually wish to be his friend, just Lassiter and Gus. Maybe she found him too annoying, too talkative, too obnoxious. He knew he was all these things, he just worried that she wouldn't like him because he really liked her. He wanted to be her friend, and it was different than anyone else. With most people he usually just spoke to them and they were friends, and he didn't really care if it lasted or not. But with Juliet he wanted it to last. He wanted to be her friend. He needed her friendship the same way he needed Gus's. He could always use another Gus. Not many people could stand him for that long.

Could Juliet?

"Oh, he did it!" Lassiter whispered excitedly, pulling Shawn from his thoughts. He focused on the two just as Juliet smiled warmly and, according to her mouth, said I'd love to, Gus. Gus seemed to melt with relief at that and smiled. The two started to make their way back to Shawn and Lassiter, who turned away, pretending to not have been staring.

Shawn glanced at his best friend, and as Juliet looked down Gus glanced at Shawn. The teen gave his best friend an excited thumbs up and mouthed to him, Way to go, buddy!

--

Shawn walked from his drawing and painting class to gym. Drawing and painting was his second last period of the day, but that little fact wasn't what made the class his favorite. A certain senior he had it with made it perfect. He focused on that as the foreboding feeling got stronger. As he opened the door it was like he hit a brick wall when he entered the gym. "Woah." He mumbled aloud, having to stop and take a breath. He hadn't been hit with that much negative energy at once since he came home to find his mother…

Nevermind.

"Shawn!" Juliet cried from her seat on the bleachers where she was pulling off her flats and pulling on a pair of sneakers. No one bother to change beyond that unless they were wearing a skirt.

"Hey, Jules." He greeted, forcing a smile and pushing the negative feelings he was having to the back of his mind. "You got here before me, that's a first."

"Yea, Conigs let me leave English early since they're just looking over stuff for the exam and we already know I'm exempt."

"Exams? Isn't that a little premature?"

"Yea, well, you'll know once you have her next year. She blows through everything really fast and then reviews for weeks." Juliet stood and shook her head.

"Yea…I hope I get exempt." Shawn thought aloud.

"I'm sure you will. From all your classes! Lassiter told me you have like a perfect GPA. That's incredible." She said, looking at him with wonder, like he was a science experiment.

"Uh, thank you." Shawn laughed a little. Slightly excited by the idea that Lassiter spoke about him. "So, do you-"

"Ok, everybody line up!" Their overweight gym teacher cried out, appearing suddenly, causing Juliet and Shawn to jump and stop their conversation.

"I hate gym." Shawn whispered to Juliet as they did as told. He was no longer allowed to use the 'But, I'm injured!' excuse and now had to participate once more.

"At least it's last period." Juliet offered with a grin, but jumped again as their teacher yelled out some more.

She pointed to the first person in the line. "Matt, you're blue team. Uh…person after Matt," She didn't seem to care as she pointed at Juliet, "You're yellow team, and so on with every other person. Blue is on the left, yellow's on the right. Go!"

"Uh, what are we playing?" A freshman asked timidly.

"Soccer!" Their teacher barked, before going off to sit near the door. "Play ball, or whatever."

Shawn groaned as he was put on the opposite team than Juliet. They gave each other jokingly sad looks before running to opposite sides of the gym. Juliet was a goalie and Shawn was one of the defensive players. He didn't really know what to do so he just stood near the goal and kicked at the ball if it came by. From across the gym Juliet couldn't help but laugh at him. Unfortunately, that caused her to let a few balls in throughout the game.

At one point, once he knew what he was doing to her, Shawn started to dance – and rather provocatively at that. Several players just started at him and Juliet heard one of the other players describe it as 'Its like porno meets riverdance.' Juliet couldn't hold it together after that, she burst out laughing and completely missed as a ball came whooshing by and into the goal.

"That's fifteen-ten, blue team wins!" Their teacher cried as she walked out – completely disinterested in her job.

As the other team high-fived, one of the teammates on Juliet's team, Brenda – who'd been rather hostile through the whole game – let out an enraged cry. "Damnit, Juliet!" She screeched, surprising and silencing the teacher-less class. "What the fuck was that?!"

"Woah Brenda...calm down." Juliet said carefully, shocked by the other girl's reaction. She picked up the soccer ball from inside the goal.

"Shut up, don't you tell me what to do!" Brenda angirly shoved Juliet as she got to the goalie.

"Hey!" She and Shawn, who was making his way from across the gym, cried at once. Juliet knew Brenda hated her – why, she had no idea - but she didn't think Brenda would ever get physical.

"Brenda, it's just a game. It's not that big a-" Juliet was cut off as Brenda shoved her again.

"I told you not to tell me what to do!"

"Hey!" Juliet cried again as she regained her balance, dropping the ball. Shawn finally skidded to a halt next to her, realizing now this had been what that foreboding feeling he'd had all day had been for. In the back of his mind he thought of how glad he was that it had nothing to do with Lassiter, but he quickly pushed that aside. He wondered why he'd been hit with such an intense negative feeling when he entered if it was just a fight with another student…something wasn't right about this.

"Jules what's-"

"Stay out of this." The angry teen barked suddenly, "You're not apart of this, fruit cake." She snarled, Shawn's eyes widened in slight surprise at the girl's hostility. It was then that Juliet decided she'd had enough.

"Hey, back off!" She snarled just as venomously, several of their peers gathering (at a safe distance, of course) "Just because you're pissed that everyone hates you doesn't mean you can be a bitch to my friend!" The onlookers' eyes widened, Juliet O'Hara rarely had something negative to say, most saw her as the sweet girl anyone could be friends with. But they all knew now what they heard was true, she was a mother hen.

Mess with one of her chicks and she'll claw your eyes out.

Shawn looked at his friend with slight surprise. She really did care that much for him, he really did gain another friend like Gus. With that all his doubts cleared and he straightened up. If Juliet was going to defend his pride, he would defend hers to the death.

Brenda's just rolled her eyes, unfazed, and yelled back without delay, "Please, I'd rather have no friends than your friends. At least I don't associate with two fags and a colored." Juliet seemed to flinch as if physically hit, Shawn decided to cut it at that.

"Woooaaah. Two fags and a colored? Really? What, is that a sitcom title from the eighteen hundreds or something?" A few students snickered at that.

Brenda shoved her finger menacingly in Shawn's face, "Don't you talk to me. You are not allowed to talk to me. I don't associate with the likes of you."

"The likes of me? Oh! You mean good-looking people. Well, dear Brenda, don't worry. Just put on a little makeup and you could sort of…well, maybe, actually not."

"Shut up you disgusting ass fucker." She barked, still managing to surprise Juliet and Shawn with her cruelty. "This didn't involve you but you just had to make it about yourself, didn't you?"

"Excuse me? I just came over to ask my friend if she was all right when some psycho started screaming at her. You're the one who jumped down my throat." He said as he absentmindedly took a step in front a Juliet, wanting to protect her. He didn't even realize the emphasis he'd put on 'friend'.

"Oh yes, you're such a victim, aren't you, you little sinner? Off fucking a male senior. Does dancing by the flames of hell get you off or something? You disgust me. And I'm obviously not the only one. Your mother thought so too, didn't she? That's why she killed herself. I'm surprised your father hasn't followed suit." Juliet just froze in shock, it was like she had been unaware one human being could be so cruel.

Shawn felt his heart go cold. He couldn't take to hear that again. When Luke had said it he was just trying to get a rise out of Shawn. He probably didn't even really care, it was just fuel for his fire at the time. But Brenda…she—she really meant it. She was disgusted with him and really believed that Shawn's mother had killed herself because of him. The certainty in her statement made Shawn's past feelings of guilt from that terrible time well up again and he couldn't take it anymore.

If she was gonna play dirty then so was he.

"Oh, yea. And ya' know what? While I'm off sinning and making my parents suicidal you know what your family is doing? Hmm, let's see. Your father is getting drunk and beating the shit out of all of you. Your mother is walking a street corner just to get a few bucks for her heroine addiction. Your brother is in jail. And all the while you're hiding in the bathroom, sobbing and wondering why the hell your life is so terrible. Ya' wanna know the answer to that Brenda? Huh? Do you? Well I've got the answer."

Shawn took a threatening step forward and Juliet gripped his shoulder. She spoke his name softly, trying to calm and comfort him. But he ignored her, just as he ignored the tears that threatened to well up. "Karma is an even bigger bitch than you are." He barked so harshly that he could feel himself shaking, taking out some of the rage that had been building up for a long while now. Even as he said the words he could feel the noxious guilt building up inside him, despite how much she deserved it. He was practically making himself sick with guilt - guilt for him mom, for what he was saying. But he couldn't stop himself, it was spilling out now and he couldn't stop it even if he tried.

"So, yea, my mother did kill herself. And yea, it was probably my fault. But ya' know what? I'm slightly surprised your mother hasn't killed herself yet, because you are one disgusting fuck of a human being." His words echoed through the gym and Shawn could feel tears starting to well up as his whole body shook with rage and agonizing guilt. He shook his head and turned to walk away. As he bolted out the doors of the gym he could hear Brenda cry out some more vulgarities while Juliet simultaneously cried out his name, but he didn't stop.

But he couldn't stop. He needed to get out of there. With just a few statements from a peer he'd broken. He was weak. He felt sick. He couldn't breathe. Everything had been building up over these last few years and he'd let the dam break. He was doomed to drown in himself.

As the tears streamed down his face, he ran out the gym foyer doors and didn't look back.

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Woo, some heart-wrenching stuff, there. And Squeedle that conversation we had about gym teachers totally inspired the teacher at the end of the chapter :D Ahahaha…it made me laugh :D

Next chapter they all try to find Shawn…guess who actually finds him? Hint: Name starts with 'L' and ends with 'assie' (woo, tough one :D). Love is in the air!

Anyway, thanks for reading!

-claire

PS: I adore Julie Andrews, the Sound of Music is my favorite movie…excuse my fangirling over her this chapter :D