Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 10

Note: Woooaaah, I've made it to double digits?? SWEET! And anyway, I know this took a while guys but here's the scoop: I had finals, and then my mom took me and my sisters to Cedar Point to celebrate, and then I got my finals grades and I did really well on all of them (!!) and then I was a bum for about a week, and now I'm updating! Woot!

This chapter is dedicated to Sqeedle (aka xX Jujumagumbo . Hollabackatcha Xx) because when we chat it gives me ideas and makes me laugh and she's made of all things super awesome :D

Enjoy!

--

As the final bell rang Carlton Lassiter could feel relief fill him. For some odd reason after Shawn left him in eighth period to go to last period he got this odd sensation of…something that he just couldn't place. He was worried, for some reason. It was something in the way Shawn had been carrying himself, something in the way he'd said his words. Something was different about him as he left eighth period, like he was quite literally worried sick about something. But Lassiter couldn't place it.

He shut his locker and turned as he heard his name screamed from down the hall. "Carlton!"

"Lassiter!" It was Juliet and Gus, when they got to him they were panting, hands resting on their knees trying to breathe again. Their looks of panic made the worry rise up in him again.

"What is it, what's wrong?"

"Its…Shawn…" They panted at once.

The worry rose up and overflowed and put him in all-out-panic-mode. "Why? What happened?"

"In gym," Juliet said, finally having caught her breath enough to speak in full sentences, "Brenda Maine, she freaked out for some reason and said all these horrible things. She called him a sinner and a bunch of other things I won't say…but—but she also…"

"What, what is it Juliet? Spit it out!"

"She also…she told him his mother killed herself because of him and she was surprised his father hadn't done so either." Lassiter felt his heart go cold. Everything around him blurred as he was filled with, quite literally, homicidal rage. He was going to rip Brenda Maine apart limb by limb.

But first: he was going to find Shawn.

"Where is he? Do you know where he went?"

They shook their heads, "He just ran out the gym foyer doors." Juliet glanced at Gus, "What? What is it Gus?" Lassiter glanced at the dark skinned teen, only to see Gus looked a little more panicked than the two seniors he was with.

Gus looked down, not meeting their eyes. "Gus?"

"There-there's something you should know." He glanced up, "Its really personal, I mean, Shawn's father and I are pretty much the only two who know about it. I mean, I should probably not even tell you guys, but with what's happening I just thought he might-"

"Gus! Just tell us!" Lassiter cried exasperatedly, feeling the panic rise higher and higher.

"When…when Shawn's mother—died…he sort of went off the deep end." Lassiter's eyes narrowed.

"What does that mean?" Juliet asked, glancing back and forth between her two friends.

"I mean…Shawn was the one who found his mother. When he found her he fell on the floor next to her and just…hugged her. He laid there with her for almost an hour, according to Mr. Spencer. After that Shawn didn't talk to anyone for weeks. He just stayed home, he was just sort of…catatonic. He didn't go to school, I mean, I got his work for him. Did his work for him. But he was so far gone that he…I mean, he…" Gus couldn't finish his sentence.

"Gus," Juliet whispered comfortingly, coaxing her friend into continuing.

"He tried to kill himself." Gus breathed out, squeezing his eyes shut.

Lassiter literally felt his jaw drop, he could hear Juliet let out a strangled gasp beside him. Shawn? Suicide? He would have thought the only things that related those topics would be their first letter. Shawn…Shawn could never…

Lassiter snapped his mouth shut. He couldn't let that happen. He'd only just gotten Shawn, and he knew there was so much more that he didn't know. So much more he had to learn about the boy. So much more he wanted from Shawn. He shook his head and took charge, "That's not gonna happen." The two standing before him looked up. "We can't let it happen. Look, why don't you guys look in all his normal places, I'll drive around. Call his dad too, he'll want to know, I'm sure. And help." Gus and Juliet nodded, straightening up and running off in the other direction.

"Don't you dare do anything stupid, Shawn." Lassiter muttered to himself, making a run for the gym foyer doors.

--

The din of ringing phones and talking officers was the only thing keeping Henry Spencer awake. He'd been staring at this paper work for five minutes now without adding anything to it. He just had this feeling, and he wasn't really sure what it was. He just knew it wasn't good.

Henry had had gut feelings before. When on a case, when on the streets, when with his son. He always knew when something was about to happen (particularly with his son, that's fatherly instincts for you) and he knew to always trust his gut. He just wished he knew what was about to happen.

He jumped as the phone rang, "Santa Barbara Police Department, Detective Spencer speaking."

"Mr. Spencer?" Panic. That was all he could hear. Damn gut feelings, he thought, can't they be wrong just once?

"Gus? What's going on?"

"Mr. Spencer, it-it's Shawn."

Henry could feel his heart drop. The last time Gus had spoken of Shawn with this amount of worry was when he discovered the scars (only a day after Henry had discovered them) that had lined Shawn's arms the weeks following his mother's death. "What did he do?"

"Something happened, someone said something to him about his mom and he ran out of school, Juliet said he was crying. I—I don't know what he's gonna do-" Henry sat there for a moment. Shit. Those little fuckers! "What'd they say? Who said it?"

"Just a girl," A girl?? "She said Mrs. Spencer…killed herself because Shawn is gay. And then Shawn told her off, like big time, and you know what that does to him-"

"Oh, fuck." Henry said out loud, causing his partner to look up at him questioningly.

"Mr. Spencer, you don't think he'd-"

"No. No he wouldn't. He's come to far to let some little twit bring him back down." At least, Henry hoped to God so. "Are you kids looking for him?"

"Yea, Juliet and I are looking at all the usual spots, and Lassiter is driving around."

"Ok, it's a big city, so I'll help Lassiter out and drive around. You gonna check the house?"

"We're there now."

"Ok, well, if any of you find him find a phone and call my cell phone, OK?" Henry pulled the chunky machine out of his drawer and stuffed it in his pocket as he stood. "He'll be fine, Gus. Don't worry. I'll kill him if he's not."

There was a slight laugh from the other end of the line, "Yea, yea me too."

"Good luck." Henry quickly placed the phone back on its cradle.

"Somethin' wrong with Shawn?" Hastings asked, concerned.

"Yea. Uh, no. I mean, I don't really know. I'll have to get back to you on that. I'm clocking out." Henry turned and rushed from the building. As he got to the parking lot he jumped into his Crown Vic, feeling more and more panicked with every step. "Don't you dare do anything stupid, Shawn." Henry said to himself as he started the engine and sped away.

--

Gus and Juliet had been driving mainly in silence this whole time, except Juliet asking where they were going next every time they came up empty. Gus was driving, since he actually knew all of Shawn's usual spots, while Juliet looked out the window for the hope he might just be walking down the street.

The air was tense, Gus's knuckles had gone white around the steering wheel. Juliet glanced at him when they hit a stoplight. "So…you and Shawn have been friends since you were little?"

"Since before he could talk."

"Shawn unable to talk? I can't imagine." Gus gave her an appreciative smile at her attempt to ease the tension.

They were silent for a moment more, before Gus furrowed his brow and spoke a little uncertainly, "Shawn…he's always been like a brother to me. We've always told each other everything. I mean, when his mom was first diagnosed, when I found out my parents married only because they'd conceived me…I mean I'm one of the only people who knows he's-" Gus stopped dead, suddenly aware of his surroundings. "I mean, one of the first people to know he was gay." He seemed to blush as he realized he'd just revealed something personal about his own family, and that he'd almost revealed something even more important.

Juliet smiled softly, completely oblivious to the secret she'd almost been told. She patted his knee, as if to say Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. They sat in silence for a moment more, then Juliet spoke again. "Do you…do you really think Shawn will hurt himself?"

Gus paused, concentrating hard on the road. "I…I don't. He's been through a lot of shit in his life, and he's come really far to overcome it all, and I don't…I don't think he'll hurt himself again. I think he just needed to get away. But I…" He bit his lip, a let out a single, humorless laugh, "but I'm no psychic." He glanced at Juliet, a little worried. "What if he does?"

Juliet squeezed his knee, which she had yet to remove her hand from. "Then we'll be there to pick him back up."

Gus nodded, looking a little reassured, he narrowed his eyes at the road. "Don't you dare do anything stupid, Shawn." He whispered aloud.

--

Lassiter released his tight grip on the steering wheel, allowing blood to flow through his fingers once again. He let himself fall back against his seat as he killed the engine. He'd been searching for about three hours now, and when he'd found a payphone and called Mr. Spencer's cell (as he'd been told to do when he checked in at the house an hour and a half prior) he'd been told they had yet to find him. Now here Carlton Lassiter sat, in the parking lot of his own favorite spot: the far, west end of the beach. Pretty much no one came to this end of the beach because it was mainly short rock ledges. But on the other side of the rocks, a little ways walk, was a small beach area.

Lassiter opened his car door and proceeded to walk towards the unknown-to-most area. As he walked he tried to remember what had drawn him to the area. It wasn't that he'd given up on finding Shawn, he just…wanted to think. Was that even it? He wasn't sure. He'd just unconsciously driven to his favorite area. I'll sit for a minute, he thought to himself, then I'll check in with the others again. He climbed over some rocks that were on the path to his spot, as he jumped down he felt himself freeze in surprise when he saw who was sitting on the sand.

"Shawn?"

The figure sitting in the middle of the small beach turned to look at Lassiter. His eyes were bloodshot, but at seeing the senior a smile played across his lips. "Hey, Lass."

"Shawn." Lassiter said again, taking three quick strides to the teen, he dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around Shawn. "We've all been so worried about you!"

"Sorry." Lassiter pulled back to see Shawn's weak smile fading. "I didn't mean to worry you all."

"Why are you here?"

"I knew you liked it here."

"What? How." Shawn didn't answer as Lassiter let himself fall into a sitting position beside Shawn. "Shawn…" He started.

"Gus told you, didn't he?" Lassiter bit his lip, "It's ok. I guess if you still feel like dating me that might be essential knowledge."

"What do you mean 'if I still feel like it'?"

"What, you still want to after the past three hours?"

"Shawn. Don't give me that." Lassiter looked deeply into Shawn's eyes. Shawn let another small smile slip across his lips before looking back out at the water.

"There's something I have to tell you." They both said at once. They both let out single laughs, "You first." Shawn nudged Lassiter's knee with his own.

Lassiter nodded again, pausing before staring. "Shawn…I-I was really worried. After what Gus told me I nearly cracked. I just wanted to find you as fast as I could and…and make it better." He blushed a little at his choice of words and Shawn's lips upturned again as he chuckled a bit. Lassiter as he began to speak his next words, as if looking for something that might interrupt him. "I—I've never felt this way about anyone before. Not after two minutes, not after two weeks, not after two years. I mean, I don't know how to describe it other than…other that you—you're someone special. And I don't want to lose you…I mean, I-I just got you." He took Shawn's hand in his. "You're something extraordinary."

The small smile was still on Shawn's tear-stained face. "Oh, Lassie." He whispered, "I know you've been trying to say that for a while now…but you kept getting interrupted."

Lassiter laughed a little, "Yea…I have. But, how did you know?"

Shawn glanced out back to the water once more, this time Lassiter followed his gaze. The water was shimmering with the evening sunlight. The sky was just starting to fade into pink as the sun began its slow descent into the horizon. It was a beautiful sight. "That has to do with what I have to tell you." Shawn said, neither taking their eyes from the horizon. "But not…not now." Lassiter, without a second thought, brought his arm up and around Shawn's shoulder. Shawn let his head fall onto the other boy's shoulder.

They stared at the water for a moment, until Lassiter spoke again, not taking their eyes from the water. "We need to call the others, you know." He said quietly.

"I know." Shawn whispered, "But not now." He repeated his earlier words. "Now…I just want to watch the sunset."

"Ok," Lassiter said. He tightened his arm around Shawn, "I'm glad I met you Shawn." He whispered.

"So am I, Lassie. So am I."

--

Hey guys! Woo, sorry, it's been a while hasn't it? Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Because I love the shmoof between those two, it's just soooo delectable.

I'm not gonna be home for the next 5 weekends, so I'm planning/hoping to get the updates in during the weekdays. So look out then!

Thanks for reading, guys!

-claire