Only the Curious Have Something to Find
Chapter 13
Note: Dear Lord, 150 reviews?!! You guys are my heroes! As a treat you get an extra long chapter, I hope you like it!!
Enjoy!!
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Carlton Lassiter and Juliet O'Hara had been prepared for anything to come out of Shawn's mouth. That he was actually straight, that he was actually a girl, that he secretly fought crime in the night, anything. But what they were not prepared for was this.
"Psychic?" They repeated at once. The bell rang, but no one took notice.
"Like, sees the future, that kind of psychic?"
Shawn nodded, looking worried by their reaction. "That's how I knew the west end of the beach was your favorite spot, Lassiter. Or what Luke and his guys were gonna do to Buzz a few weeks ago, when they beat me up. Or how I know that Gus and Juliet actually kissed while they were waiting at the house last night." Both their eyes widened, because Gus didn't know Shawn knew that. "Or how I knew what my mother had done to herself the day she died, how I knew to leave school and go home." He blinked, worry written all over his tired, pale face. "Its how I know a lot of the things I know." He took a deep breath, not having done so through his whole ramble.
Juliet just gaped, Lassiter's eyes were wide. "It…it explains so much." He said quietly, as if not believing himself as he spoke. "But it's so…"
"Unbelievable?" Shawn supplied, to which Lassiter just nodded. "Is there some way I can prove it to you?" Lassiter bit his lip, and Shawn could hear his voice in the back of his head, the older teen thinking I don't want him too feel like he has to perform parlor tricks… And Shawn couldn't help but smile at his consideration even in this situation.
Shawn paused, racking his brain, sifting through all the random facts and tidbits and things he knew for something that had meaning to Lassiter. "Lassie…you're Grandmother, she was just declared as in remission, right? Breast cancer?" Lassiter's eyes widened in shock, giving Shawn all the answer he needed. He turned to Juliet. "And Jules…your aunt, Karen's mom, just got a new boyfriend, the first one since Karen's dad died five years ago. Right? And you all think he's a little weird?" Juliet's jaw dropped.
"You…you're really…"
Shawn nodded. "So…what do you think? Gonna run in terror or tell me I'm the spawn of Satan?" Both just blinked at him, both obviously completely unsure of what to do or say. "If neither of you believe me or want to speak to me again, I understand." He whispered.
They both stayed silent for a moment, before Lassiter took Shawn's hands in his. "This is a little…but…I…but it doesn't change anything. Right, Juliet?" She snapped her jaw shut and nodded when addressed. Despite his calming words, he still spoke in a tone as if he were a cop trying to convince a gunman to release his hostages. Shawn wasn't sure if that was good or bad. "It's a little weird, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you." Lassiter paused, he shook his head, as if trying to wake up.
Shawn nodded vigorously. He could feel tears springing to his eyes. Wow, he really did have no control over himself today.
"Shawn? Shawn, what's wrong?" Lassiter asked, wiping away some of Shawn's tears.
"I'm just…I'm just so happy that you guys reacted this way." He whispered, throwing his arms around Lassiter. Even if deep down you still don't believe me, he thought. They sat like that for a moment before a new voice joined the group.
"Guys? Since when do you have this period lunch?" All four detached themselves from the situation and turned to see Buzz and Franny standing there. "The bell rang about ten minutes ago, guys."
"Oh crap." Without another word they all gathered their things and ran towards the building. Though Shawn was not thinking about being late for English. He was thinking of three words that he had heard neither Juliet nor Lassiter utter. Three simple words.
I believe you.
Feeling his heart sink, he was already convinced he never would.
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Lassiter stared mindlessly at his Statistics notes that he wasn't taking. It wasn't because he was boycotting the notes after getting yelled at for being late. It wasn't because he hated this boring class so much he'd tried dropping it for calculus. It wasn't even because James, across the row from him, was constantly copying his notes and he wanted the boy to fend for himself for once. It was none of that. It was because his mind was already filled with so many other thoughts. Thoughts of confusion. Thoughts of uncertainty.
Thoughts of Shawn.
The younger teen had dropped such an unexpected bombshell he was so completely unsure of how to react. His mind was reeling with so many thoughts he couldn't comprehend any of them. Was he lying? Was he crazy? Was it all a dream?
Was it true?
Its just…this was such an improbable, nonsensical, unbelievable thing to be told, how could he believe it? But he knew that answer to that. He knew how.
It was in his eyes.
When Shawn had looked him directly in the eyes, looking so open and unprotected, so hopeful and terrified, so…Shawn. There was no hint of mocking, or joke, or normal, bouncy, playful Shawn. It was just…Shawn. Open. Raw. Unprotected.
Thinking back to the look in Shawn eyes he knew there was nothing else. There was no doubt. There was no uncertainty. He knew just by looking into Shawn's eyes what he believed.
He believed Shawn.
As the bell rang he gathered up his unused books and glanced down at his schedule he felt his heart drop as he noticed it was an A-Day, the day he didn't have drawing and painting but had gym instead.
He would have to wait until after school to talk to Shawn.
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Juliet walked in a zombie-like state to her locker. She hadn't paid attention to her Marine Biology teacher at all that period. She'd simply gone blank-minded. She had no idea how else to react. When unbelievable or shocking things happened that's what she did. She shut down. It's what she'd done when her Uncle Tom had been killed on duty for the SPBD five years ago. It's what she did when she and Lassiter had gotten in that car accident Sophomore Year. Hell, she even did it when her cat Ivy died last Easter.
She'd never been good in 'stressful' situations.
But she knew she couldn't stay in her catatonic state for long. She couldn't hide away in the confines of her mind until everything fixed itself, despite how desperately she wanted to.
It was just so…weird. Really, it made so much sense, and there was no way Shawn could know how Karen and Juliet spoke on the phone almost nightly about how much they disliked Jacob, Karen's could-be step dad. Not to mention all the other things he used as evidence. It was logic, there was so much evidence pointing to the fact Shawn was telling the truth, so it had to be true, right?
But it couldn't be. I mean, psychic? I've never met a psychic, she thought.
The doubt just rang so clear and she was unsure if she was unhappy about how painfully uncertain she was or that she was doubting her new, true, friend so. But there was also something else.
Gus believed him.
The dark teen – her boyfriend, she supposed – had been right behind Shawn the whole way. He believed Shawn, backed him up, tried to help convince the two of them. She had so much faith in Gus, especially after the panicked, in-the-heat-of-the-moment kiss they'd shared on that terrible night.
And it wasn't just Gus she had faith in.
It had only been a month since the four had become friends. But for so long before that they'd all been pining for each other. And now that they were all together, in their own little group, everything was so right. There was no way this could be wrong. That it could be ruined by this. That this could be a lie. There was no way – in the name of God, in the name of everything – that Shawn could be lying. She wasn't even sure why. She just knew.
Shawn was telling the truth. She believed him.
As she opened her locker she glanced at the schedule taped to the inner door. He heart dropped as she noticed today was one of the days on her schedule that she didn't have gym. With a deep sigh she grabbed her Economics books and closed her locker.
She would have to wait until after school to talk to Shawn.
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From his spot near the door of the Physics room Gus watched his best friend in the hall, Shawn was staring mindlessly into his locker. Gus knew that look, the look of fear. He knew exactly what his friend was thinking. Shawn was thinking he'd made a mistake. That Lassiter and Juliet didn't believe him, despite their kind words. Shawn was thinking of running, of hiding until maybe he was forgotten. Shawn had voiced such ideas, and initiated such ideas, on more than one stressful occasion.
But Shawn wouldn't. Gus knew he wouldn't. He was just too attached to Lassiter. Just too in love. He couldn't leave. But he could hide.
And he knew that was exactly what he knew Shawn was gonna do.
His point was proven as Shawn pulled his backpack from his locker, leaving early as upperclassmen were allowed to when they had only study halls. With a sigh he made his way to his desk as the class began.
He would have to call Shawn later that night to see how his hiding was going.
He just hoped that it wasn't a mistake.
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Henry had been a little worried about his son. Shawn was not acting like himself. He was off. When he came home from work he found his son there, on time, which was not normal. He resisted the urge to ask if something had happened at school, but if Shawn wanted to tell him he would. He also wondered silently if it had anything to do with the dreams he'd mentioned that morning. The look on Shawn's face when he mentioned it had stuck in Henry's brain all day. What was that look? Fear? Uncertainty? He wasn't even sure. All he knew was he didn't like it.
As he sat there, listening to his father speak on the other end of the phone, barely listening, he let out a grunt here or there in response as he thought only of his son. When the line went dead suddenly Henry comprehended what had happened and with a sigh he hung up the phone and called up the stairs, "Hey, Shawn, come down here and straighten out the guest room for me, would ya?"
"Why?" Came the call back down.
"Your grandfather just called to inform me that a pipe burst in his house – again – and he needs a place to crash."
"Ooh, L-squared in the house for the weekend!" Shawn laughed as he bounded down the stairs. His son's smile seemed a little forced, enhancing the worry Henry had been feeling.
But pushing it aside, Henry rolled his eyes and shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts. "He loves the nickname for some unknown reason." Shawn called his father's father 'L-squared' since his full name was Lowell Lawrence Spencer. He hated his first name because 'its way to close to the word bowel.' Shawn usually called him by either name, or more often just 'Grandpa,' but lately had gotten to calling him by the new nickname he'd thought up.
"Well that's because he's hip-er than you are, old man."
"I thought hip wasn't hip to say anymore?" Shawn looked at his dad and just shrugged, as if to say 'So?' "Well, that makes me hip-er than you now."
"How do you work that logic, you crazy old man?"
"Well because you used the word 'hip' and since its not hip to use the word hip it makes me hip-er than you."
"Well, you just used the word hip like sixteen times, so that makes me hip-er than you anyway."
"But you just used it again. Doesn't that negate the hip-ness?"
"Well you've said it about ten times more than me in the last minute so that makes me hi—cooler than you."
"Oh-ho. Mister smarty pants over here. Counting all his points."
"Points? We're having points in this conversation? What is this, the Price is Right?"
"They don't have points on the Price is Right, Shawn." Henry said, turning and walking into the kitchen.
The doorbell rang, and Shawn began to walk towards the door, turning and calling over his shoulder as he went, "I'm appalled that you even know that." He grabbed the doorknob and began to swing the door open as he went, "And I'm sure Grandpa Bowels will be too, isn't that right, Grand-" But Shawn stopped as he turned to the door, a look of surprise on his face. "Lassie?"
"Hi, Shawn."
"Is that him? God he's fast-" Henry stepped back into the living room "Oh, Carlton. Hello…?" Henry glanced at Shawn.
"I'm sorry, did I come at a bad time? Its just, I never saw you after school, and I-"
"Its all right, Lassie. Why don't we…dad, I'll be back a little later, ok?"
"Yea…" Henry glanced at his son and nodded, "Yea, all right. Its fine." He stepped back into the kitchen, an unreadable look on his face.
Shawn turned to his unexpected guest, "So, um, want to go for a walk or something?" He asked, stepping onto the porch, the door and closing it behind him.
Lassiter nodded, albeit a little awkwardly, and motioned for Shawn to go down the steps first. They walked quietly across the street and onto the beach as the sun, already below the horizon, made the sky a blazing orange.
"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Shawn. If you were expecting company-" Shawn shook his head, throwing his hand in the air.
"No, no biggy. It's just my Grandpa, he stays with us a lot. His house if always falling apart." Lassiter nodded and turned his head away, opening and closing his mouth as if unsure of what to say. "Lassie…I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just bail after that huge confession. I know you probably still don't believe me or whatever, but even if I were crazy I had no right to just avoid you-"
"Shawn." Lassiter stopped him, stopped both their walking so they stood still. Biting his lip he finally said, "I believe you, Shawn." The younger boy stopped all movement dead, shocked by the three simple words the other teen had uttered.
"You…you believe me?" He whispered, so shocked he almost forgot to breathe.
"I do. Shawn. It's…it's really weird. It's really crazy. It's really improbable. But…but I believe you. I don't care how nonsensical it is. I believe you. I believe in you. I trust you." The older teen shook his head, stopping his own rambling. "I just…the way you looked into my eyes. You looked so scared by how I would react…like you were hanging on my every word."
Shawn let out a pathetic half-laugh, sounding partially drowned. His eyes filled slightly with tears.
Lassiter shook his head and smiled at the younger boy. "I…I just…I know I can trust you. Trust you not to lie to me." He threw his arms up, as if unsure of what else to say. "I believe you." He repeated once more.
"Lassie…" Shawn whispered, scrubbing quickly at his teary eyes. "Lassie…you have…you have no idea how much that means to me." Stepping forward he wrapped his arms around the older boy, burying his face into the senior's shoulder.
Saying nothing, Lassiter wrapped his arms around Shawn. The two stood there for a moment, just embraced on the sun-set beach, rocking from foot to foot ever so slightly.
After a long moment they broke apart, Shawn ran his hand under his nose. "Lassie, there are no words that can describe how I feel about you." He looked deep into the older boy's eyes.
"At least I'm not the only one." He whispered, taking Shawn's hand in his and leading him back towards the street. "I should probably get you home before your grandfather comes, huh?" Shawn just nodded, and lacing his fingers with Lassiter's they made their way to the younger's house.
Slowly making their way up the steps they turned to each other once again, not noticing the new car in the driveway or the slightly cracked curtain of the window to their left. "Shawn…" Lassiter said quietly, leaning in slightly.
"Goodnight, Lassie." Shawn whispered, unable to stop himself. Lassiter stopped his slow movement, looking slightly surprised. "Bye, Shawn." He whispered shaking his head, sounding a little defeated, before he turned and started down the porch steps and into the starting rain. How perfect. Rain.
Shawn bit his lip, suddenly filled with regret once more. Why had he said that? Making a snap decision, still completely unsure, he cried, "Lassie, wait!" The older boy turned, ignoring the slow rain and looking at his love interest with intrigue. Shawn stood on the porch, the only light on in the whole neighborhood hanging above the junior like a spotlight. "Don't leave, I—I have to say something. I…I'm not really sure how to put this into words, but here goes nothing." He took a deep breath before he started to stumble over his unplanned speech. I mean, I already told him I'm psychic, I can't shock him any more, can I?
"Carlton Lassiter, you—you've saved me. And not just the obvious ways. Sure, you did save me when Luke came after me or when I was 'lost' the other day…but that's not all. You—you saved me from the darkness. You pulled me out when I was spiraling downward into the…the nothing I was becoming. I mean…if it weren't for Gus and my father I would have killed myself years ago. But…but if it weren't for you I might have in the near future." The older boy's eyebrows raised in shock but he didn't interrupt.
"And as clichéd as this sounds you saved me from myself. You stopped me from letting all this shit pull me under…and for that I can't even say thank you, because that isn't enough." Shawn bit his lip as his voice cracked, blinking his reddened, tearful eyes.
"I—I just, you saved me, Lassiter. You. And for that I've fallen…so madly in love with you it seems almost too good to be true. Too similar to some…some romance, chick-flick to be real. And I—I can't be afraid now. I can't let this-this internal fear of rejection and-and abandonment hold me back, as I always have. And I can't let you walk away."
He shook his head, "And it's this feeling you give me. When I'm with you I've never felt this kind of…loved…before. You just fill me with this…this feeling. This feeling of hope, happiness. And its not just my abilities that make me feel that way. Or even the way I feel about you its…" He laughed a little, looking beyond the porch roof and out into the drizzling sky. "It's the way you look into my eyes. And how I can just…know…that everything will be OK. That as long as I have you…as long as I have you everything is right."
Shawn took a step forward, throwing up his arms a little, as if saying he were throwing it all on the table. "So, what do you say, Lassie-face? Will you…will you be the knight-in-shining-armor to my damsel-in-distress?"
The older boy stood in silence for a moment, shocked by Shawn's words. But as he looked up into the blood-shot, desperate eyes of the boy who'd just let it all go something clicked inside of him, like a puzzle piece falling into place.
He stepped up to the porch again and roughly wrapped his arms around Shawn. "Does this answer your question?" Before either could blink their lips were crushed together, neither moved for a long moment, not even breathing as they kissed the other like they'd never kissed anyone before, like they never would kiss anyone else.
After a long blissful moment that seemed like a lifetime and the blink of an eye at the same time the two pulled apart. Taking in a deep breath, but not moving their lips more than an inch apart, Shawn whispered, "I didn't quite hear that, can you repeat yourself?"
With a low chuckle down in his throat, Lassiter mumbled, "Oh, you bet I can." And they were pulled together once more.
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So, did you like? I hope so!!
Also, exciting news! I got my first job, guys! I'm gonna be a server in the dining room of an independent living home. It'll only be for like three days a week and I don't start training until the 3rd, so it won't really cut into this too much. Anyway, now I'm off to get drug-tested for this new job, then I'm going to get the new season DVDs (if my dad'll take me, that is)!! YAY!
Thanks for reading!
-claire