Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 16

Note: Hey, y'all! Tonight is the premiere!!! I know you're all excited, so I thought, "Why not make the whole day a Psych day?" So I'm posting! And sorry I've been a little slow lately. I've just started working and I'm trying to get the hang of everything, so that's been my top priority. But I'm here now!

Enjoy!

--

Lassiter sat in Shawn's bedroom, clenching and unclenching his fists. He said silently on Shawn's bed, staring at the clothing that sat haphazardly on the rocker by the door. He recognized the green flannel shirt that lay neatly off the top of the rocker, the only shirt that was folded nicely while everything else was in a pile.

It was the shirt Shawn had worn when Lassiter and his parents had come for dinner. He thought back to that awkward night, how they could barely meet each other's eye before blushing and looking away. He remembered Shawn's father trying his best to embarrass Shawn, and Shawn having none of that.

He remembered walking into this very room and talking to Shawn about playing the violin. "The one instrument I'd love to play is the guitar, though." Lassiter wondered if Shawn had said that because he knew that he played the guitar. Probably, that would certainly be something Shawn would do. Either way he suddenly realized he had yet to teach Shawn how to play. "I could teach you—uh, ahem, I mean. If you wanted." He shook his head and looked down at his hands.

There's so much we haven't done. So much we didn't get to do. You can't be gone yet, Shawn, you just can't…

The same thoughts kept running through his mind. It felt like a lifetime, but he'd only been with Shawn for a few short weeks. They'd done so much together and yet so little. I love him. The words kept flashing before his eyes. He loved Shawn. He loved him. And he never got to say it. He never said it.

He slowly stood, his knees cracking after the lack of movement. He slowly stepped to the window and glanced out at all the people walking in and out of the house. Cops, detectives, techs, a few of the neighbors were out there too, including the family he recognized from the newspaper article. The ones Shawn and Henry had saved. He shook his head, suddenly reminded of all this things Shawn was. All the amazing things he could be. It couldn't be over yet, not when there was so much potential. Not when he would miss him so much.

He glanced down at what little he could see of the porch from where he stood. He flashed back on the previous night. God, was that only last night? He wondered to himself. With Shawn a moment felt like a lifetime, every second counted because Shawn made it count. And yet…with Shawn you always wanted more. You loved him so much that a lifetime was a blink of an eye and he had to go.

Please don't let him be gone forever, Lassiter begged.

As the teen blinked down at the porch that several officers were standing on, trying to calm the neighbors, he was reminded of all the things Shawn said. "You saved me, Lassiter. You. And for that I've fallen…so madly in love with you it seems almost too good to be true." He bit his lip, blinking rapidly as he thought of the heart-wrenching words Shawn spoke. He was so in love with Lassiter, he needed Lassiter just as much as Lassiter needed him.

But one line in particular kept playing in his head. "It's the way you look into my eyes. And how I can just…know…that everything will be OK. That as long as I have you…as long as I have you everything is right." Lassiter wondered if Shawn had read Lassiter's mind, literally, when he spoke those words. Lassiter felt exactly the same. As long as he knew Shawn would be with him, as long as he knew he would at the very least see Shawn during the day he knew he could make it through anything.

Lassiter glanced down as some more detectives walked out of the house, grave expressions on their face. He remembered listening to them speak before he had to walk away. He didn't know much of Shawn's other grandfather, besides that he didn't like Shawn for some reason. The officers all spoke to Henry and them like they all had one thing in mind: they were trying to prepare them for life without Shawn. None of them seemed to think Shawn would make it out of this. He quickly looked away from the window, leaning heavily on the wall beside it.

He'll be fine, he thought to himself, he can't not be fine. Shaking his head heavily he whispered aloud, "Please…please, if there is a God out there…save him, please." He hiccuped, "I need him…"

Squeezing his eyes shut Lassiter slid down to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself, letting his head fall to his knees. He felt himself shutting down. He couldn't function like this. Without Shawn. So he did the only thing he could muster up enough energy to do.

He cried.

--

Juliet and Gus sat against the back fence in the backyard, feeling out of place everywhere else. When the officers started to talk to them about…about if Shawn didn't come back Lassiter lost it. He'd rushed from the room and up the stairs, and neither Juliet nor Gus blamed him. Neither of them could even try to conceive life without Shawn. But all the officers seemed so certain that that was a strong possibility, how could they not think that was going to happen?

Juliet had her arm wrapped tightly around Gus's shoulders as they sat silently. He'd started crying almost as soon as they'd walked outside. The two of them were brothers. They'd been together for all their lives. Gus didn't know anything besides Shawn. Didn't know how he could go on without his best friend, without his other half.

She couldn't imagine ever having to go through something like that. The only thing she could think that would even slightly come close was when she and Lassiter got in a car accident a few years ago. He'd been driving, careful as always, and she'd been chatting with him as they drove home from a football game she'd dragged him to. They'd hit an intersection and stopped as they were supposed to, but as they started to turn another car, with a driver who admitted to not paying attention, came barreling through and slammed into their car on Lassiter's side. She remembered having a few bandages put on, and sitting in the waiting room waiting to hear how Lassiter was. Wondering if he'd live. It had been the worst moment of her life.

But at least then she'd known what had happened and what was going on (for the most part). This was completely different. They had no idea whether Shawn was dead already, or if he was just fine, or if he was hurt or getting worse. They knew nothing. They were virtually helpless. And it was the worst feeling she could ever try to describe, she could only imagine how Gus felt.

With silent tears running down her cheeks she tightened her arm around Gus and let him cry.

--

Henry glanced from the stairs to out the back window. The kids were reacting as one would expect. They were terrified. They might lose their friend, their brother, their boyfriend. Yea, and you might lose your son, a voice whispered in the back of his mind. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of those thoughts, but he could feel himself losing it. He quickly made his way to the bathroom, not wanting anyone to see him.

Once inside he shut the door and locked it. He sat down slowly on the edge of the bathtub. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands over his face. He couldn't lose it, not in front of his coworkers, not in front of the kids. He needed to be strong, for the kids, for his son, for himself. He couldn't lose it. He knew that if he did he would never be able to go back, he could never be strong again because he would be reminded of all the things he's seen, all the things he knew.

After 24 hours the chance of finding a kidnapped child diminishes. The words ran through his mind like a flashing neon sign. That was one of the first things he'd learned, and one of the hardest things he'd had to deal with. But this was different. This wasn't some family he was trying to help, this wasn't someone he didn't know.

This was his son. His baby boy.

He tried to think of a happier time, when Shawn was younger and Maddie was there. When they'd been together. He could remember one time the three of them had been on a picnic and Shawn had run off to play on a jungle gym a few yards away. He and Madeline had taken advantage of that moment without their rambunctious child to enjoy the solitude. They sat there, holding hands and enjoying the summer air.

But then Henry had glanced over to see Shawn wasn't on the play set anymore, he wasn't anywhere. Henry could remember the panic he felt then, trying to find his six-year-old, it wasn't until an hour later that Shawn reappeared, holding a fist-full of flowers he'd gone off to pick for his mother. He could remember the pure relief he'd felt when he saw his little boy run up to them, a big grin on his face. Here, momma, I found these for you! Oh, and the way Madeline cried and dropped to her knees, wrapping her arms around her little boy. Wow, you like flowers that much? Henry shook his head at the memory, tears filling his eyes.

He tried to resist the tears…but he couldn't, he knew he couldn't. So he let his head drop to his hands and he cried.

--

Shawn felt himself start to flutter back into the world of consciousness. He tried to lift his head but it was so heavy. He settled for cracking his eyes open, but quickly shut them again, the little light in the room worsening his migraine. With his eyes closed he tried not to remember everything, trying to forget how his grandfather had lied to him and taken him. Oh God, Shawn thought, I've been kidnapped. Instead of thinking of what his grandfather might possibly want him for he decided to focus on trying to get out.

He was sitting in an uncomfortable, old chair, that he could tell. His arms were tied behind his back and he had a gag in his mouth that tasted horribly foul. As he tried to free his hands he tried to think of happier things, of his father, of his friends. But the thought of them only reminded him of how worried they must be. Of how the whole SBPD must be at his house right now. He could hear his father's voice in his mind, Shawnie, Shawnie please hang on… He wondered if he was imagining it or if he was really hearing it.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a terrifying sound coming from the kitchen. A sound he knew. Someone was sharpening a knife. Oh God. He thought to himself, horrified panic filling him. I'm going to die. I'm going to die here. He felt tears seeping from his eyes and sobs rumbling from his throat. Jules, Gus, Lassie, Daddy…oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. God, don't let me die, please…don't let me die here…

-TBC-

How much of a horrible human being am I? Hahaha, sorry, I've become totally evil, I think. A little shorter than usual, but whatever. Either way, I hope you enjoyed!

And everyone enjoy the premiere tonight!! I know I will!

-claire