Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 22

Note: Holy shit on a stick. You guys, I am so god damn sorry. Please forgive me! It's been like what, a month and a half? –is mortified– I never meant to make you wait this long, school has just been not too awesome. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me? –puppy dog eyes–

Anyway, if you're all still with me, I hope you enjoy!

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"Ready? Three…two…one, cough!"

Shawn tried his best to obey the order, he really did. He coughed with all his might, but in actuality it was pretty lame, and he just ended up gagging as the tube in his throat was tugged out. He felt himself being turned on his side as he gagged and coughed. He felt his father's comforting hand on his back, soothing. After what felt like forever the fit subsided and he fell on his back again, breathing heavily.

"Hey, bud, you ok now?" Henry asked softly, smoothing back Shawn's disheveled hair.

"Mmm…about as good…as you'd be…" Shawn ground out in his hoarse, ragged voice. He coughed a bit and gratefully accepted the offered glass of water from his dad's hand. He sucked from the straw as the nurse finished her checks, nodded and walked out.

"Your friends were here before, but you were out like a light." Shawn nodded. Despite the tube, he'd been very animated (as much as he could be, anyway) with his friends. But Henry knew his son. He knew what was forced and what was genuine. He knew when his boy was putting up a show. The last time he had to force positive emotions this much was at Maddie's funeral, Henry shuddered at the thought.

"They're coming back today." He continued, watching his son's face. Shawn just nodded again. "You up to it?" Shawn didn't respond. "Shawn?"

"I don't know." He said, his voice not sounding like his own it didn't even sound like his own. He still refused to look at his father.

There was a long pause, Henry really had no idea what to do. Shawn had been to hell, almost literally, what could Henry say to fix that? There was no chapter in the parenting books entitled 'What to Do When Your Spouse's Father Tortures/Attempts to Kill Your Child'. "Shawn…Shawn, it's ok if you're–"

"If I'm what?" Shawn snarled, "Sad? Scared? Broken?"

"Shawn…" Henry started, feeling a tightening in his throat. I can't cry. Not here.

"Isn't that what you were gonna say dad? Isn't it?"

"I was going to say tired." Henry sighed. It was completely understandable for Shawn to act this way. But understandable didn't equal easy

Shawn paused, "Oh." He let his head drop. "Sorry."

"It's ok, son…do you want me to tell them not to come?"

"Shawn shook his head. "No…no, it's ok." He started down at his hands, by the look in his eyes he was seeing something Henry didn't.

Henry sighed again, reaching over and stroking Shawn's hair. "Why don't you sleep?" Shawn paused, looking hesitant. Henry knew Shawn was having reoccurring nightmares, who wouldn't be? Shaking his head, and repressing another sigh, he said "Sleep…I'll be here when you wake up."

--

The blood wouldn't go away.

He scrubbed and scrubbed but the blood would not go away. His hands were going raw he was scrubbing so hard.

Why wouldn't it go away?

He let out a strangled sob as he looked down. The blood was no longer just on his hands. It was all over him. On his arms, his legs. Pouring from his chest, from the black hole. The black hole that was where he was pretty sure his heart was supposed to be. But it was just a hole, a hole that blood poured from and soaked him completely.

He touched the hole, trying to stop the bleeding, trying to find his heart. But it burned. He pulled his hand back.

And he screamed.

--

Henry jerked awake at the scream from the bed beside him. Half conscious he checked the time and saw it was two o'clock in the afternoon. When the hell had he fallen asleep?

"Shawn." He said quickly, "Shawn. Wake up!" Shawn's eyes flew open and, breathing heavily, he sat up.

"Dad?"

"Son, are you ok?" He asked, rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Where's my heart?" Shawn asked breathlessly, his voice so rushed and rough Henry wasn't really sure what he said.

"What?"

"I said where's my-" But Shawn stopped, he looked around the room, and suddenly realized where he was. "Ah—nothing." He coughed a little, clearing his throat. He took the water off the bedside table, drinking it. "What time is it?"

"Two o'clock." Henry said, eyeing him, "You sure you're ok?"

Shawn nodded, waving his hand dismissivly. "How long have I been asleep?"

Henry paused, thinking about it, before shrugging and saying, "A few hours."

Shawn nodded again. "What time are-?" Before he could finish the question the door opened and in walked his three best friends. "Well, look at that. You'd think I was psychic!" Shawn joked, plastering a smile on his face

"Well, look who joined the land of the breathing!" Juliet smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"You don't sound it." Lassiter said, coming up to the side of the bed and kissing Shawn on the cheek, a habit he'd began on Shawn's first night there. "Though that rugged sound is kinda sexy." He joked quietly so only Shawn would hear. The bed-ridden teen smirked and puckered his lips, making a kissing sound.

"It's all for you, baby." He joked.

"Do I even want to know what you just said to my son?" Henry asked suspiciously, to which the boys merely smiled in response.

Gus decided to join the conversation then, holding out a plastic green cup with a yellow lid and white straw sticking out. "You're dad said you were getting the tube out today, so I thought you might like this."

"Is that what I think it is?" Shawn asked, taking the cup eagerly and sucking down half of it in a moment. "Oh, Gus! A pineapple smoothie! I knew there was a reason you were my best friend!" Gus just rolled his eyes and grinned.

As Shawn turned his attention to Juliet, who began to tell him about school and how jealous she was that he was exempt from all his exams, Gus and Lassiter turned their attention to the father.

Henry was watching his boy closely, and the look on his face told the two boys all they needed to know. Henry was worried about Shawn, and he had every right to be. Shawn had been through a lot, to put it lightly, and he had a long way to go, but that wasn't what was worrying them. It was that Shawn was trying too hard to fake the happy, to just push the whole ordeal aside and move on. He didn't want to deal with what happened, and they knew that he was going to have to eventually.

The two glanced at each other, and were slightly surprised to find the other staring, but shared a knowing glance. Lassiter mouthed let me, and that was all Gus needed. They turned back to Shawn, who was now sitting on the edge of his bed, absentmindedly running his hand over his bandaged chest. He was completely immersed in some inane story about a rumor at school that Juliet was telling him.

"Hey, guys, does anyone want some coffee – not you, Shawn – 'cause I could really go for a cup." Gus said. Juliet glanced at her boyfriend, and seeing the look on his face nodded.

"Yea, I could go for a cup." She stood, "Mr. Spencer? You've been in here for a while. Wanna take a filed trip to the cafeteria?"

Henry paused, glancing at his son. "I'll stay with Shawn." Lassiter said quickly, giving the father a look. Almost immediately he knew what they were plotting, alone time with the lovebirds. Everyone seemed to understand the plot except the apparently oblivious Shawn.

"Sure." He said, running his hand through his hair, "Sure, why not? I'll be back in a minute, Shawn."

"I'll be counting the moments." The teen mocked, a smirk on his face as his father waved his hand, muttering 'no respect at all!'

Once the three were out of the room Lassiter had barely opened his mouth when the smile disappeared from Shawn's face and he said, "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

Lassiter's jaw snapped shut. "Huh?"

"They wanted to get us alone so you could use your Irish charm to get me to open up and cry." Lassiter blinked, "Am I right?" The older teen sighed, goddamn powers, he thought.

"I didn't need my abilities to know that, or what you were just thinking."

Lassiter almost found himself smiling, but then it faded away and he tried to come up with something to say. "Shawn…"

"Don't."

"Shawn, I just-"

"Don't try to fix me." Shawn snarled, his voice dangerously low. He narrowed his eyes, turning away. "Don't try to fix me. I'm not broken."

Lassiter stepped around the bed, not even conscious of his own movements or of the tears now escaping his eyes. "I am." He whispered and Shawn froze, he turned slightly to see the tears streaming down the older teen's face, to see the horror in his eyes, the haunted look that wouldn't go away, the look that Shawn had been trying so desperately to ignore.

"Lass…" Shawn whispered, and suddenly everything went from slow-mo to fast-forward and Lassiter all but fell into a sitting position on the bed next to Shawn. He wrapped his arms around him and cried, sobbing until his throat felt raw. He was vaguely aware of Shawn's soft, sweet strokes on the back on his neck.

They sat there for God knows how long, until Lassiter finally pulled back, "This is a little backwards, isn't it?" He laughed a little, running a sleeve under his nose. Shawn smiled, but kept his mouth shut, knowing Lassiter had something to say. He sat, looking expectant and calm.

"Shawn. Shawn. I-I-" He hiccuped, running his sleeve under his nose again. But as he found his words his voice was suddenly steady, "I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I…I can't imagine my life without you. The thought alone just feels…wrong." He shook his head as more tears welled up, "And to think…to think I could have lost you…and I never would have gotten to tell you…"

"Oh…Carlton…" Shawn whispered, caressing the older boy's cheek, surprising him with the use of his first name. The battered boy looked into the older's eyes, deeply, as if staring into his soul. A soft smile slipped across his lips. "I love you, you know that?" He leaned forward and hugged Lassiter once again.

"I always knew, Lassie." He whispered, "I always knew." Shawn pushed himself onto the bed fully again, taking Lassiter with him. The older teen sat against the headboard, letting Shawn curl up and use his legs as a pillow. Shawn let his eyes close and allowed himself to drift off to sleep knowing that, at least for now, with Lassiter by his side, he would have no nightmares.

He had his heart back now.

--

Henry watched his son and his boyfriend cuddle. He hoped that his son would get a good amount of sleep now.

"Henry?" The father turned to see his partner standing there.

"Jim! Come to pay Shawn another visit? He's asleep right now-"

"No, unfortunately this isn't a social visit."

"Is this to prep him for the trial? Because I'd really rather he got a full night's - well, afternoon's - rest before we even delve into-"

"No. No, Henry." The elder Spencer stopped, eyeing his partner, a bad feeling forming in the bit of his stomach. "It's about Clarence."

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Was it worth the wait? Probably not. A month and a half is a real long time. –hangs head in shame– Even so, I really hope you enjoyed it!!

Thanks for reading!!

-claire