Only the Curious Have Something to Find

Chapter 23

Note: So am I the biggest asshole in the world? I think so. I mean, I left you on a cliffhanger AND I didn't update for three months…but sorry, I suddenly developed a life and decided to run with it. My last midterm was yesterday so I though I'd spend my day off trying to update. With Psych off the air Glee took it's place as my muse and I was doing stories with that when I had the time…so yea, I'm really sorry. But Psych is coming back and will hopefully return as my muse (since Glee makes me wait until April for new episodes).

Anyway, sorry again and I hope you remember me enough to enjoy this chapter!!

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Henry froze at his partner's words. There was no way Clarence could have escaped, right? Or somehow got out of the jail time? No. Escapes only happened in movies or TV shows, and there was no way he would ever get out of his jail time after what he did. But…

"What—he-he didn't-?"

"No. Hastings shook his head. "He didn't escape…he—well, he's dead, Henry."

The father froze completely. That had not been what he was expecting. "I—what?"

"He's dead. Shanked by one of the other guys in lockup. They apparently don't take too kindly to child abusers in there. When word got out what he was in for…" Hastings didn't have to continue. Henry knew the story. He'd seen it a million times before in his line of work. Child abuser goes to jail, most of his cellmates were abused children themselves so they kill him. Usually Henry didn't feel bad about it, bastards usually got what they deserved. But this time…this time he didn't know what to feel. How to feel.

He felt his hand raise numbly to cover his mouth. He turned to look back at his sleeping son and his now sleeping boyfriend. "I—I don't-" He had no idea what to say. He just suddenly felt…empty. He'd been looking so forward to watching Clarence suffer through the trial, looking completely insane in front of all his peers, so they could show the word what this fucker did to his baby boy.

But now…nothing.

"I—I should…" Henry gestured towards Shawn's room, unable to find the words. Hastings nodded and smiled weakly, patting Henry's shoulder before letting his hand drop lamely. In a zombie-like fashion he turned around and went back into his son's room. "Boys." He said, lightly shaking Lassiter's leg. "Boys, wake up." Shawn stirred awake first.

"Dad? What is it?" When Shawn lifted his head off of his boyfriend's leg it woke up the older teen.

"Mr. Spencer?"

"Shawn…I—I have to tell you something." Shawn blinked at his father and sat up.

"Maybe I should go?" Lassiter said, "I'll go see what Gus and Juliet are doing." Shawn nodded and gave his boyfriend a weak smile as Lassiter kissed him on the forehead and walked out, shooting one last look at the father and son as he went.

As soon as he was out of sight Shawn's full attention was on his father. "What happened? What's wrong?" Henry knew that Shawn was probably feeling Henry's emotions flowing off of him like they were radiation in Hiroshima. His boy didn't need to have powers in order to know what his father was feeling. Henry was obviously a little anxious about something.

"Grandpa…did he…?" Despite everything he'd been through Shawn still called that bastard 'grandpa'. It floored Henry to no end anytime he said it. Why would Shawn call him that? Shaking his head he got back to the task at hand.

"Shawn…he-uh-well…"

Shawn's eyes widened and Henry felt himself panic. Henry hadn't been guarding himself, Shawn probably just got the whole conversation with Hastings shot into his brain. "Oh my God." He'd gone completely pale and his hand rose shakily to his mouth. "Oh—he—oh my God…"

"Shawn?" Henry leaned forward, unsure of what to say. Some relief filled him over the fact he didn't actually have to say it…and that just made him feel like even more of a failure.

"I'm gonna be sick." Shawn ground out quickly and before either could blink Henry had dove down to grab the pail that had been on the floor and had it under Shawn's chin. The teen dry heaved into it for a moment, in between the sobs wracked his body.

Henry drew circles on his back. "Shh, it's ok. Just calm down…calm down…"

The father and son sat like this for a long moment, just waiting for Shawn to calm down and breathe again. It took a while, but it happened. Henry lowered the pail back to the floor and helped Shawn sit back on the bed. He handed him the box of tissues and waited while he blew his nose a few times and wiped off his face. "You ok now?" He asked soothingly and Shawn nodded after a moment.

There was a long silence. And to be honest, Henry really had no idea what was going on. All he knew was that his boy was upset and he needed to make that better. Oh, Maddie. If only you were here with me right now…we could really use you…

"Shawn?"

"I—I just—I don't even-" He looked so lost. "I mean…after all he did to me you would think…I mean, he wanted to kill me…was going to kill me…but I—I can't help but…" Shawn shook his head as more tears welled up. "Why can't I just forget it all?" He whispered into a tissue he'd pressed to his mouth.

"You will, eventually. But you need to get to that point first." Henry ran his hand up and down Shawn's arm.

He looked at his father, as if seeing him for the first time. "Why am I feeling this way?" He asked, completely sincere, like he was really asking for the answer. "Why is it that after all he did to me I still…I still…" He shook his head, "I still miss him."

Henry blinked, "Miss him?"

"Do you-" hiccup, "Do you remember when I was little and they came over for my fifth birthday? They took me to the zoo so you and mom could set up for a party or something. And I just…I remember…" A soft smile drew across his lips. "I remember him lifting me up so I could feed a giraffe. I was so scared it was gonna eat my hand." He actually laughed, "But Grandpa held me tight, and he promised that…he said if it ate my hand I could have one of his…" Tears started to run down his cheeks again, "And now…all I can think of when someone says his name is a six inch knife being driven into my chest." He let out a sob, and looked at his father, who was tearing up himself.

There was a pause, they just looked at each other for a minute. "I preferred the giraffes." Shawn whispered.

And then suddenly the room that had been completely silent, filled with palpable tension, was filled with laughter. The two bursts out laughing, neither either really sure why. Tears streamed down their faces as they leaned into each other for support. They gasped and wheezed and tried hard to suck in air.

And almost as suddenly as it had started it stopped, the two calmed down and Henry looked deep into his son's eyes. And without another word Henry leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his son and Shawn held on tight.

"I love you, Shawn. Always know that."

"I know dad. I love you too…"

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Gus slowly walked into the room Henry had just walked out of. Juliet and Lassiter were chatting with him out in the hallway, holding out his cup of coffee, but Gus had snuck away. He walked into his best friend's room and, shutting the door, he was alone with him for the first time since the attack.

Shawn glanced up from the loose string he'd been pulling out of the blanket. "Gus." He smiled, but it wasn't forced, it wasn't fake. It was relief, pure, unadulterated. "Gus," He said again, "I'm so glad it's you."

And with those five words the best friends lost it. As if in sync they both let the dam fall and began to cry. Gus walked up to Shawn's bed and in two strides with sitting on the edge, hugging Shawn as tightly as possible. This was their first chance to be alone, to be real. There was no faking being strong for Henry or Juliet or Lassiter, there was no forced smiles or fake laughs so everyone would calm down a little. No, this was real, this was genuine.

And it felt so good.

"Oh, God, Shawn." Gus all but moaned as the tears continued to fall. "I…I don't know if I could have…" I don't know if I could have made it without you. "When I first saw you…I thought it was too late. That you'd be gone forever. But oh God, Shawn you're here." A sob ripped from his throat at the same moment it did from Shawn's.

"I thought I would never see you again, when I first woke up there and I…" Shawn sniffled, "We'd never get to finish our ambitialist." Gus let out a single laugh, neither pulling away from the hug yet. The 'ambitialist', or ambition list, was the best friends' list of all the things they needed to do before they grew up or died, whichever came first. "I mean, we're not even halfway done."

Gus let out another single laugh and pulled back from his best friend, still holding onto his shoulders as he held him at arm's length, as if afraid to let go. "Shawn…oh Shawn, I'm so glad you came back."

Shawn smiled weakly at his friend, "I almost didn't." Gus just tilted his head to the side. "I…when I flat-lined that first night I…I went somewhere. I don't know where. But…I saw her, Gus." I looked deep into his friend's eyes. "I saw my mom." Gus's eyes widened but he said nothing. "I…she told me to go back. Made me." He laughed a little, "She said was watching…and that she liked Lassiter." Gus laughed, shaking his head. "But, Gus. Seriously. Sitting here, now, with you…" He shook his head, not taking his eyes from Gus's. "I'm glad I came back. I know it was the right choice." Gus said nothing, he just pulled Shawn into another hug. "Thanks for coming in here, alone, Gus." Shawn whispered, "I really needed it."

"Me too."

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Well, I'm certainly not happy with this chapter, but I felt like I made you all wait too long so I just hope you enjoyed it.

Thank you for reading!

-claire