Title: World So Cold
Genre: hurt/comfort, romance
Rating: K+ for very mild language and slight violence (might go up)
Pairing: JohanXJudai (spiritshipping)
Song: "World So Cold" by Three Days Grace
Summary: AU. Long ago, Odin banished the god Johan out of Asgard and sent him to the world Midgard, world of the humans, after banishing Johan's lover, Judai AKA Hel, to the world Niflheim, the realm of the dead. Now, Judai, after being tricked by Odin into thinking that Johan abandoned him, wants revenge against his former lover. Can Johan prove his innocence, and prove that he truly does love Judai before Judai is dragged into Niflheim again?
Me: The fourth and final chapter is up!
Lucy: Johan has come into Hel to speak with Judai, because he has no idea why Judai is acting the way he is! And Judai thinks that Johan really does not love him, which is why he's doing all of this!
Me: But what is the truth behind all this, and when will it be realized?
Lucy: Read on!
Chapter Four: The End of My Dream
Johan always hated coming into Hel.
It was a cold and unforgiving world, but knowing this, Johan felt much worse about what had become of Judai. Niflheim was 2000 times worse than Hel was. 2000 times colder, 2000 times more lonely than Hel.
However, when he touched down, he didn't find himself on the cold plains of the land of the dead.
He found himself standing in a large area that seemed almost like a room on wheels. It was moving through the plains of the dead, where the souls of the deceased were dancing and living as if they were never truly dead.
Seeing as he was safe, for now, Johan glanced around at the room.
It was like a giant library; filled to the brim with books of all kinds and a few tables and chairs. Johan was half tempted to sit down and just wait, but he had to see Judai, and soon.
Johan was a little uneasy about moving around.
He was certain that the room on wheels was going to make his balance a little off, the way a trail or trolley does, but he found that when he took a step, it was like walking on solid ground.
The banished god took a moment and glanced around and looked for the brown-haired child of Loki that he had fallen in love with well over 900 years ago.
After about an hour, Johan couldn't find him.
He was about to give up and try to exit the room on wheels so he could search the rest of Hel, when he spotted something sitting at one of the tables in the far back.
Johan glanced over and his breath hitched.
Judai was sitting at one of the tables with yet another Norse mythology book. He didn't even seem to notice that Johan was standing near him, since he was so deep in his book.
Johan advanced and reached a hand to the boy. "Judai," he whispered.
Judai shifted in his seat and closed his book on Norse mythology. He slowly turned and stared into Johan's emerald eyes. "Hello, Johan," he said the name softly, as if it pained him to say it.
The brunette gave a soft sigh and slowly stood up.
"I was worried that we may never meet again," the god of death murmured, shaking his head with an incredibly dry, evil laugh. "But, since that fear's been avoided..."
Johan wanted to run and give the child of Loki a hug, but from the blank look that Judai was giving him, Johan felt as if the ice of Niflheim had come and frozen him.
Judai stared at Johan blankly for a moment, and then nodded. "I wanted to... welcome you properly," he murmured, glancing away from the bluenette and motioning towards a door that seemed to appear behind him in the room on wheels they were in. "I have been waiting a long time to see you again. Please, will you join me?"
Johan felt he had no choice but to obey.
Judai's idea of a warm welcome was exactly as Johan had expected.
The door in the room on wheels led Johan to a huge dimension filled with red and purple flowers. It was nighttime there, and the crescent moon cast light over the field.
There was a table and a bit of food in the middle of the field, and a few trees as well.
But Johan knew that this was all an illusion.
Judai was a god of death, appointed the job by Odin after he was banished, and all because Odin was afraid of him. It was unlike Judai to keep anything living in his Hall.
"It's an illusion," Johan said, poking his boot at one of the red flowers. "These flowers."
Judai pulled out a chair from the table and motioned for Johan to sit. "You think so?" he asked. He waved his hand to dismiss it and took up the tea pot and poured some in the cup and set it on the table. "Please sit."
Johan cautiously took a seat and eyed Judai.
Judai glanced over at Johan and gave him a very strange, distant look. It looked like he was trying to smile, but as Shou said, he had forgotten how a long time ago.
Johan took a sip of the tea Judai had poured and nodded at him.
Judai gave Johan the same strange look. "Is it good?" he asked, and Johan gave a soft nod again. "Good. I was worried, since I hardly ever get anyone to test my cooking for me. It's boring when you're all alone, you know?"
"What of Shou?" Johan asked.
Judai gave another dry laugh. "Shou is not like me. He is a dark elf," he answered. "He must return to Svartalfheim, the land of the dark elves, now and again or else he will perish in Niflheim's cold air. He's usually gone for a few months at a time, since he needs to regain his strength. So, in those days, I only have the dead around, and they don't talk much."
Johan gave Judai a pitiful look. "Judai, I-"
"Tell me, Johan," Judai interrupted. "Do you like flowers?"
Johan glanced around at all the flowers resting around the dimension that he and Judai were in. Johan knew that it was a false dimension, and that these flowers were an illusion.
"I don't really care for them," Judai murmured without letting Johan answer. "I like these ones, especially the ice blossoms that bloom in Niflheim, but I can never take real flowers. They freeze in Niflheim. That's why these illusions are as good as they get."
The flowers, or rather, their illusions, vanished in that instant, and were replaced by a hard, stone ground.
"This is what this dimension really looks like," Judai answered Johan's unasked question. "I spend a lot of time here, tending to a flower garden's illusion, but in the end, this is what this place with always be like. A cold ground. Tell me the truth, Johan. This place disgusts you. You're use to life, like in Asgard and Midgard. The worlds of Hel and Niflheim disgust you."
"Judai-" Johan whispered and paused.
Judai stood perfectly straight and turned his back to Johan. "I don't expect you to get it," he murmured. "A god banished to a place like Midgard could never understand what I went through for 900 years. You couldn't understand even if you tried."
Johan leaped up and knocked the tea pot over.
The tea pot clattered in shards in the hard cobblestone ground, and Judai flinched at the sound. Johan was breathing heavily, and he gripped hard at the table.
"Judai, what happened to you?" he yelled. "Why are you acting like this? Why are you hiding yourself from me?"
Judai flinched and looked away. "I-I don't know what you mean."
Johan walked towards Judai and grabbed the god of death's wrist. He spun Judai around, and grabbed his shoulders. "Don't lie to me!" he snapped at his lover. "You're hiding your legs, Judai. You know I know about how your lower body is discolored, so why are you wearing those socks and hiding it from me?"
Judai gasped and glanced away. He closed his eyes and whimpered softly, and for a moment, Johan thought that his little lover was going to start to cry.
"Because you're disgusted by me," Judai whispered.
Johan's eyes widened as the dimension around them started vanishing, and he found himself and Judai back inside the room with wheels, and he saw that it was still moving peacefully through the plains of Hel.
"W-what?" Johan whispered.
Judai snapped himself out of Johan's grasp and backed away from him as the library room changed into a smaller room, like that of a large bus, and it kept on rolling.
Judai sniffled and looked away. "I was starting to think that, after these 900 years, Johan, you had forgotten me," he whispered. Johan took a step towards Judai and reached for him.
"How could I have forgotten you?" he asked.
Judai gave a dry laugh. "Yes," he whispered and looked out the window behind him. "How could you?"
Judai slowly stood up and turned his back to Johan. He grabbed one of the hooks hanging from the ceiling of the trolley that carried them through Hel, and he forced himself not to look as Johan as he rocked himself back and forth using his heels and the hook. Johan tried to control his urge to go and give Judai a hug.
Judai sighed and glanced away. "You seemed... so happy without me around," he whispered.
Johan felt his heart skip, and he glanced up at Judai in horror. Judai still had his back to him, but Johan could see his shoulders shaking slightly, and Johan thought that maybe Judai was crying.
Judai closed his eyes to blink back the tears. "He showed me all the fun you were having," Judai whispered, and Johan knew that Judai was referring to Odin. "I refused to believe it. How could Johan, the man I loved, the man who promised he would love me for eternity, sit in a Hell like that without me by his side and continue to smile?"
"Judai," Johan whispered.
Judai squeezed the hook a bit harder and buried his head in the crook of his arms. "Seems you've changed," he said. "A lot more than I had hoped you would have."
Judai let go of the hook and walked a few steps away from Johan.
He glanced down at his hand, as if he were shocked by himself, and started shaking. Johan could see, since Judai's face was now visible to him, that there were tears building up.
Judai clenched his fist. "Liar," he whispered. "Everyone is always lying to me. My father, Odin, you, everyone. There's no one who cared for me when I was young. No one who defended me. Except you, that is..."
"Judai," Johan breathed.
Judai closed his eyes, and the tears started to fall, but stopped before they touched his cheek. "That's why I was so shocked when Odin told me how you really felt," he whispered. "I refused to believe him. I demanded him to show me proof. And he did. I've never seen you so happy before, Johan. You never smiled like that before. It... hurt. I cried for years when I learned of your true feelings for me. That you were disgusted with me and that's why you never came to save me. Odin told and showed me that."
Johan felt enraged.
Odin had not only banished Judai just for his looks; the fact that his lower half was colored a pale green/decaying color while the top half was the color of normal flesh; but he had made it so Johan couldn't go into Niflheim and be with him.
Odin had made it so that he could trick Judai into believing that Johan had abandoned Judai.
"Odin..." Johan growled.
Judai didn't seem to hear the man he loved whisper Odin's name with such hatred. He just kept his eyes closed, and kept his head lowered so that he wasn't looking at Johan.
The brunette sighed sadly. "To tell you the truth, I would have preferred never knowing that you hated me," he whispered. "I could have lived believing that you really loved me for who I was and that you were going to come and save me one day. At least that way, I was able to sleep some-what soundly at night. Now I'm always awake and miserable. It's impossible to sleep anymore."
Johan's rage was triplified. "Odin," he growled, clenching his fists. "I swear to you, when I get back to Asgard when my banishment's done, you'll pay for this."
Judai didn't notice that Johan transformed into his true god form.
He looked the same as he did when he was a human, only he was wearing armor. It was fairly thin, since a god didn't need much protection, and his hair was slightly longer and more spiked, and his eyes held more of a reddish tint.
Judai stopped trembling and glanced away.
He still hadn't noticed that Johan had transformed, and at this point, he really didn't care. He felt his heart thundering as fast as it possibly could, and he hated the feeling.
"That's why I read Norse mythology," Judai whispered. "At least that way, I can remember Asgard. Or rather, I can see it and see the gods as humans thought of them. It's... kind of funny, really."
Johan stared at Judai in shock, and the brunette turned and gave him a strange, distant look.
"But enough about me," he whispered. He shifted and forced himself not to look directly into Johan's emerald eyes. "There was... something that I needed to ask you, Johan."
When the trolley stopped, Johan and Judai exited.
The trolley vanished into mid air, and Johan found himself standing a cold field where there were nothing but flowers all over the place. Johan knew that it was just another illusion.
Judai gave a soft, emotionless laugh, and wandered into the flowers.
The flowers brushed all the way up to his socked knees, and Johan noticed how the torns on the flowers tore at Judai's maroon socks, as if trying to make him reveal who he truly was.
Judai spun around and turned his back away from Johan.
The brunette laughed softly again. "Johan," he whispered. "What would you say if I asked you to stay in Hel with me? Let's go on a journey into Hel together. Just you and me. No one but each other. For the rest of eternity."
Judai stopped and turned so that he could some-what face Johan.
"That... seems nice, right?" he asked.
Judai knew that deep down, Johan wouldn't go with him. What Odin had told him was true. Johan hated him. Johan would never agree to spend the rest of eternity with Judai, no matter what.
Judai glanced over at Johan and gasped.
Johan was crying.
Judai was confused, but before he could voice it, Johan walked towards the brunette. He reached up and wrapped his arms around Judai's body when he got close enough.
"W-what's wrong?" Judai asked, his voice trembling.
Johan buried his head in Judai's shoulder. "As you wish, Judai," he whispered. Judai's heart started beating faster and faster. "If that is what you wish of me, Judai, then I will."
Judai's brown eyes widened, but he said nothing.
Johan clenched Judai as tightly as he possibly could. "Just you and me," he whispered. "If that is what you want, I will personally damn myself so that I will go into Niflheim, and I will be with you forever, Judai."
Judai sniffled as tears filled his eyes. "I-I thought you... hated me," he said.
When he felt Johan's embrace tighten around him, Judai knew right off that Odin had lied to him. He knew that Johan had loved him for ever, and had never stopped thinking about him. He knew that this was the truth. Johan loved him. Judai knew this now, and there was no doubt in his mind about it anymore.
"I love you..." Judai whispered.
A single tear fell and hit the grounds of Hel, the first tear of happiness ever shed by the one who had been cast into the cold, cold worlds by Odin to be its god and keeper.
The tear shattered the coldness of the grounds around the two gods, and then swallowed them up in a warm light, one that resonated around them and transfered them to a place where they could be together, just a bit longer.
Above Hel, and even above Midgard, the world of men, there is a place where the sun is always shining.
The gods do not like to enter this place unless they need to, since Asgard provides all the joys they need in the world. But because no gods have ever come this far in, Johan knew they wouldn't be bothered.
This place is called Alfheim, and it is the land of the light elves.
Because of their combined strength, Johan and Judai were able to temporarily break from their banishment without Odin knowing, and they were able to enter Alfheim, where the gods wouldn't bother them.
There is a lake in Alfheim, and it is surrounded by a massive forest, where flowers are always growing. The sun beats down 24/7 in Alfheim, and no one ever sleeps there. It is so different from Asgard and Midgard and Svartalfheim and Hel and Niflheim. It is a land of its own accord, and it is a wonderful and peaceful land.
This land found Johan and Judai sitting underneath a tree together.
Johan was still transformed into his godly state, and Judai was laying with his head on Johan's lap. Neither of them was saying a word, since they did not need to.
Judai had taken his shoes and his maroon socks off a short while ago, and for the first time, was laying with his white-green colored legs proudly exposed to anyone who walked by. But the light elves knew better than to come and bother the two gods who could not be together until Johan was free from his thousand year banishment.
"This place is beautiful," Johan said after a while.
Judai gave a small chuckle and nodded. "It is, isn't it?" he asked.
Johan glanced down and saw Judai looking up at him, and for the first time in over 900 years, Johan could see Judai smiling. It was a true smile, too, the one that Judai had often give Johan when they were in Asgard together.
Judai chuckled again and looked out at the lake. "It'd be nice if... we'd be able to always stay together like this, wouldn't it?" he asked, his voice full of strange sorrow, yet a strange sense of joy.
Johan pursed his lips and looked to the lake.
The sun, the constant never-ending sunlight, bounced and reflected off the water's surface, making it appear as though it were made entirely of fine white crystals.
"When my banishment ends in 100 years," Johan whispered. "I will personally throw Odin from power and hurl him into the pits of Niflheim. Then I will come into Niflheim and bring you back into Asgard with me, Judai. I promise."
Judai chuckled and nodded. "I know you will," he whispered. "I have faith in you."
Their moment of peace following those words didn't last very long.
Judai's entire body started glowing a strange white color, and Johan felt his body getting colder and colder with each passing second. He became alarmed and worried all together.
"Judai!" Johan called, grasping his lover in his arms.
Judai, though the fact that he was glowing such a strange color, just smiled. "It's over I guess," he whispered with a sad chuckle. "This sucks. It's such a shame that after realizing that you truly do love me, after worrying about it for 900 years, this is where it ends."
"E-ends?" Johan whispered. "What do you mean?"
Judai chuckled again and shook his head. "I'm not dying, if that's what you're scared of," he told the bluenette. "You see, I was banished to the world Niflheim, and I wasn't supposed to break out. I managed to, with Shou's help, but it was only temporary. In the end, I have to go back into the icy world."
Johan frowned and clutched Judai tightly in his arms. "Judai, I swear I'll save you from that place."
Judai smiled at him, another true smile. "I know you will," he said. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Johan." Judai frowned and closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Johan. "I'm sorry I ever doubted that you loved me. Skuld was right. You will come and rescue me. I have no doubt about that in my mind anymore. But still, I should have believed in you. I should have known that you were always thinking of me. That you were always going to come and save me when your banishment ended."
Johan frowned and watched as Judai rolled over a bit, so that he looked as if he were going to fall asleep.
"It seems that, after a long time, I'll be able to fall asleep peacefully again," the brunette whispered, stealing one last glance up at Johan. The god smiled down at Judai, though it was a sad smile.
"I'll come rescue you," he whispered. "Just wait 100 more years, and I'll be there."
Judai smiled at Johan again and closed his eyes. "I know," he whispered. "that you will. I trust you." The brunette didn't say anything for a moment, and Johan feared that that was all he was going to hear from the brunette for another 100 years.
Judai settled down and closed his eyes tightly.
"Good night, Johan," he whispered, and then gave Johan one last smile. "I love you."
Johan's emerald eyes widened, and he closed his eyes and nodded, placing his arms around Judai and hugging him. "I love you, too," he said, his tone as solemn and as quiet as could be.
Judai let his feelings of love and joy overflow him, and then he let the darkness take over his mind.
And then he fell asleep.
As soon as he was asleep, Judai's body started to vanish.
Johan became worried, but knew that it was because Judai was heading back to Niflheim. His banishment could be prolonged no longer. He had to go back before Lord knows what Odin would do to him.
Johan clung to the sleeping brunette as long as he could, until Judai had completely vanished from his arms.
When he was all alone in the world of the light elves, in the world of Alfheim, Johan stood up and wiped his unshed tears. He had refused to let himself cry. That wasn't the thing that he had wanted Judai to see just before he went back to Niflheim. The loving feelings that they had shared would keep Judai warm in Niflheim for another 100 years, until Johan came and rescued him.
The bluenette god glanced up at the skies and narrowed his emerald eyes.
"Hear me, Odin!" he shouted.
Johan was unsure if Odin truely could hear him, but he knew that somewhere, the king of the gods was probably trembling in terror. He knew that Johan was angry, and he must have known that Johan was going to make him pay.
"In 100 years time, my banishment will be over!" Johan called to the skies. "And when it is, the first place I am going is Asgard! I'm going to rip you from your throne and rescue Judai!"
Johan clenched his fists and threw is head back to shout to the heavens.
"I swear on the holy tree Yggdrasill that you'll be the one in Niflheim for the rest of eternity, Odin, not Judai!" the bluenette shouted. "I swear on the nine worlds that I will defeat you!"
Johan knew in that instant that Odin had heard him.
He also knew that somewhere in the cold, cold worlds of Niflheim, Judai was laying peacefully in his bed, a true smile, the very same that Judai had forgotten how to do 900 years ago, resting on his lips.
Me: Waaagh! It's so depressing and yet soo happy at the same time! -starts crying harder and clutching my spiritshipping plushies- Poor Judai and Johan! Why must I always torture them so?
Lucy: Because you're evil? But don't worry, if there's a part two, they'll be together soon.
Me: -sniffles- Let's hope so! And if there is a part two, then every one of my readers will recieve spiritshipping plushies and cookies! Provided I improve on my baking skills!
Lucy: Please review and let us know if you want a part two where Johan's 100 years are up!