Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... I just want them to be much, much dirtier.
A/N: I'm still shocked that you are still reading, reviewing, favoriting, and alerting this story. You are all absolutely fabulous and are giving me the motivation to continue. I hope you continue with me. A bit more plot and character-development in this one... with a lemon twist ;).
Summer had always been my favorite season. The warmth, the feeling of luscious green grass between my toes, the buzzing sounds of night insects and bullfrogs - some of my fondest memories of my childhood occurred during the long lazy days of summer.
Summer department store sales had never been a part of these memories until now.
I'm fairly certain that this is what people referred to as the "honeymoon phase" in a relationship. Jasper and I had been annoying everyone around us – friends, siblings, roommates, total strangers – with our sappiness and affection for about three months now. We limited public affection to things like hand-holding, soft kisses and, well, the occasionally groping under a table. But behind closed doors it was no holds barred. I'm pretty sure that Jasper's roommate Felix had seen my dick on more than one occasion. Which at one point in my life would have embarrassed me to no end. Regardless, I think Felix was happy to move out at the end of the semester.
Behind dorm room doors I was starting to become a bit of an exhibitionist.
I just couldn't get enough of Jasper. I could feel myself becoming totally irrational when he was in my presence. He could overwhelm me so much that I just lost any sense of my ties to the world apart from him. This summer I had decided to go ahead and take two summer classes, and got a job working at one of the campus libraries. Because Jasper's grades had tanked his first semester, he was also on campus re-taking a few of his Gen Ed courses. Only two dorms stayed open during the summer, and it was obvious to Jasper and I that we should room together.
It was at the same time a fantastic and terrible decision.
Fantastic for obvious reasons, but terrible for my ability to study, or read, or concentrate on anything other than Jasper. I was grateful that I was only taking two classes.
Neither of our sets of parents questioned this living situation, and our siblings stayed shockingly silent on the matter. I didn't know if my mom and dad would disapprove of me rooming with my boyfriend, but I was not about to test those waters. Though I was fairly certain that one of the reasons why men and women were not allowed to room together in dormitories was because of an antiquated act of authority to keep their genitals separated. Finally, being gay had an advantage in society.
We quickly realized that so long as we followed all of the written rules of the Residence Hall Handbook, no one could say anything to us.
So we became increasingly obvious about our relationship. It wasn't entirely conscious; we were just really comfortable around each other, and it starting spilling over into the more public areas of the dorm.
If I couldn't wait until we were inside the room, I'd press Jasper against the door and kiss him in the hallway, even though I was well-aware in my more lucid moments that our kisses could be borderline pornographic. One day Jasper came out of the shower with his towel slung obscenely low on his hips, and rubbed up against my ass as I was brushing my teeth in the men's bathroom. We just didn't care if anyone saw us.
We did occasionally got called derogatory names; the name tags on our door only lasted about three days before they had "faggot" and drawings of penises scrawled all over them. The first time the name-calling happened I was upset and angry, and I was surprised that Jasper kept a more level-head about it. When I asked him why it didn't upset him he said,
"Sure, it hurts my feelings a little, it's a shame that in the 21st century people still don't get it, but I know that they're just ignorant meatheads. Anyway, the joke's on them. I've found the love of my life and they are wasting their time picking up VDs from bar skanks."
If anything I think the harassment made Jasper even more willing to show his affection toward me, so the joke really was on them.
I knew it could be a lot worse than occasional name-calling. I do think we were harassed less than some of my gay friends because neither one of us fit very well with the generic "gay" stereotype. We were both athletic, liked to watch sports and play video games; neither of us liked show tunes, gaudy clothes, banana hammocks, Cher, Barbara Streisand, or Madonna - well, that's not entirely true, I did think that Madonna had a few good albums; neither of us spoke with the overly-mocked and oft-exaggerated lisp that none of my other gay friends even remotely had. Even though people never spoke about it in the same negative way, I think we both fit into the "straight" stereotype, for the most part. Some would say that my love of art and classical music put me in questionable territory, which was ridiculous, although I was anally neat and, if I do say so myself, a fantastic cook. And, of course, Jasper was exceptionally well-dressed.
It was because of his fashion obsession that I found myself in a mall on an all-day shopping spree with Jasper, who had received some money from his Grandmother for his birthday. Apparently Grandma Hale was in on Jasper's secret.
Even though I hated shopping I was happy that Jasper let me into this little part of himself that was mostly unknown to the people in his life. Jasper always looked good to me, but it was only recently that I started to pay attention to the way clothes looked on him. Usually I was more concerned with getting them off of him, but I had to hand it to him – my boyfriend knew how to dress, and he looked damn good.
And now I was starting to see the benefits of shopping with Jasper. Shopping was torturous when your twin sister with the energy of a hummingbird on crack forced you to try on twenty pairs of skinny jeans that were damn near impossible to get in and out of. But shopping when you got to see your boyfriend try on twenty pairs of skinny jeans was just plain hot. After he came out and modeled pair number twenty-one for me, Jasper had to shove me out of the dressing room when I tried to follow him in. Not only did he take shopping seriously, he pointed to the camera in the ceiling.
"This is one of my favorite department stores. I am not getting kicked out for a quickie in a dressing room." Unfortunately his forceful tone only made me harder.
At that moment the sales girl poked her head around the corner and asked if we needed anything.
"Maybe a cold shower," I muttered.
She just laughed and said, "I'd have trouble keeping my hands off him too."
The final stop on our shopping spree was for my benefit, my massive t-shirt collection came almost exclusively from Goodwill stores, much to my twin's chagrin. She forced me into designer jeans as recompense. But it had been awhile since I added a good outdated Mariners logo t-shirt into my wardrobe, and Jasper was sweet enough to compromise and come with me.
We were about to walk into the store when Jasper stopped me by putting a hand on my chest.
"Don't you dare tell Alice about this," I couldn't detect any humor in his voice.
"I thought vintage was acceptable," I said slowly, still not entirely sure that Jasper was being serious.
"A vintage boutique is okay, but Goodwill? You have no way of knowing where any of this comes from. Usually the good pieces get snatched up by the employees before they're put out on the racks. It's usually not worth the trouble of sorting through all the rags."
Wow, he was being serious. No wonder he and Alice got along so well.
"Okay, okay, I won't say a word. If you buy anything I'll even let you keep it in my closet so I can take the fall for you."
"That's why I love you." And he kissed me gently on the lips.
We entered the store and Jasper made a beeline for the men's suits. I chuckled as I walked over to the table of "gently worn" t-shirts.
I got lost sorting through the hodgepodge of discarded clothing, pleased at finding a work shirt with the name "Will" embroidered on it and an old Seattle SuperSonics Western Conference champions t-shirt. I felt his presence before he spoke, and I turned to find a three-piece suit being shoved into my face.
"This would be perfect for you."
"Wait? It's okay for me to wear this stuff but not you?"
"I didn't make the rules. I just follow them," he shrugged.
"But-
"Just try it on, sexy."
I was powerless to refuse the man who called me "sexy" with that sultry purr.
He forced me over and into the dressing room, and I stripped off my jeans and t-shirt.
I checked myself out in the mirror and frowned. My abs had lost a bit of their definition and my upper body a bit of its mass especially in the shoulders and biceps. I groaned inwardly. I had been so busy with classes and activities and lately Jasper, that I hadn't been running regularly like I used to. Jasper still found time to go to the gym to lift and looked as godlike as he ever had. I wondered if he noticed that I was starting to get a little doughy. Was he still as attracted to me as he used to be? How much further could I let myself go and still have him find me sexually appealing at all?
"Show me," hearing his voice made me feel guilty for not taking more attentive care of myself.
I finished buttoning the vest and slipped on the jacket. Then I opened the dressing room door and stood leaning against the frame. Jasper exhaled loudly.
"I need to give you a reason to wear suits more often."
"I've gotten flabby," I couldn't hold back a pout.
"You have not," Jasper reassured, as he stepped in toward me and gave my ass a squeeze. "I've noticed that you have stopped running though, you used to love running."
"I know, I know, I should start again. I just got so caught up in school and everything, I stopped taking that time for myself."
"With Emmett gone for the summer, I don't have a lifting partner anymore, you should come with me."
The thought of Jasper sweaty and in workout clothes made the suit pants tighten.
"I don't know if that would be a good idea..."
Jasper looked slightly hurt, so I quickly countered.
"The gym isn't the best place to be sporting constant wood."
He laughed then, and shocked me by stepping in even closer and palming my cock through the suit pants as he pushed me back into the dressing room. I almost gave in until I heard a crying child somewhere in the store.
"I'm not getting kicked out of my favorite store either," though my raspy breath gave me away.
"Regardless, you're buying the suit," he murmured into my ear.
After a serious make-out session in my Volvo in the Goodwill parking lot, and Jasper showing me how absolutely attracted he still was to me, I felt better and agreed to go with him to the gym after our classes got out the next day. Since it was Sunday and there was no food service on campus, we stopped by a local sandwich place on the way home for dinner. We had neglected our homework all weekend so I insisted that we study for a few hours before releasing any of the ever-present sexual tension.
We were both working at our desks, facing in opposite directions, when I heard a pencil snap and what sounded like a book falling to the floor.
I spun around in my chair.
"Are you o-
"What the fuck am I doing here?" he interrupted me.
I was shocked and immediately defensive of his outburst, but I quickly tried to tell myself that it surely had nothing to do with me.
"What do you mean?" I tried to keep my voice steady.
"This- this whole college thing, I'm not cut out for it."
"But you're such a smart person..." my voice trailed off, I wasn't entirely sure what to say.
"Being smart doesn't do much good when you have no clue as to what you want to do with your life."
Then he stood up in a huff, grabbed a rain jacket and left me in the room with my jaw hanging open. I wasn't sure what brought up the outburst or what was lurking behind it, but it killed me to see Jasper so upset. So I did the only thing I could do – grabbed my own rain jacket, my phone and keys and took off after him.
I caught up to him at the front entrance of the building, it was pouring down rain and he was standing in the entryway donning his jacket and flipping up his hood.
"Jasper," I whispered.
He turned around at me, the fury still intense in his eyes. I bit my lip, trying not to cry or yell or say the wrong thing, and then his eyes softened.
"Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't yelling at you, I just don't want to talk about it right now."
"I know you weren't yelling at me, I'm just worried about you. You don't have to talk about it, but at least let me keep you company."
"I'm not going to do anything stupid, Ed."
"And I'm going to not do anything stupid with you."
"Fine, but I'm not going to talk about it."
"Fine."
So we walked in silence, side by side, our hands shoved in our pockets. I let Jasper take the lead and eventually we were wandering around campus, until he stopped.
"That's the bench," his voice startled me as it broke through the silence.
He turned then, to look up at the building.
"The green light..." he murmured.
Indeed there was a room in the building that seemed to be emanating a strange jade green light.
I respected Jasper's brooding silence, and so we stood together side-by-side, the light rain rolling off us, looking up at the window with the green light. I couldn't tell you what was running through Jasper's mind. Despite our increased closeness the past couple months, despite the fact that we really were making an effort to get to know each other, and despite that we spent nearly every waking moment together since summer session started three weeks ago, I was still rarely able to tell what he was thinking. Most people were simple, had very few variations in their trains of thought, but Jasper's thoughts seemed to travel along multiple strands simultaneously. He often surprised me when he voiced what he was thinking. Sometimes it frustrated me, but usually it just made me love him even more, as if it was reassurance that I could spend the rest of my life with him and everyday be able to learn something new about who he was.
Right now, I wasn't sure why this glowing green beacon in the humanities building had so much power over him, but I knew it was important. Plus, it was this spot that was a catalyst for his new place in my life, for him coming to my room that night when he declared his love.
I was grateful for this eerie green light.
It was the rain that got to me eventually, not the silence.
I shivered.
Jasper must have noticed because he grabbed my hand and then pulled me out of the rain and under the awning of the building. He sat down on the steps and motioned for me to join him. His anger seemed to have dissipated and he was looking at me thoughtfully.
"How did you know you wanted to go into medicine?" he asked.
"When I was six-years-old my grandmother died. You know how my dad is; he doesn't pussyfoot around the truth when it comes to children and medical information, so he explained to me that she had cancer."
"I'm sorry," Jasper murmured. He was close with his own grandmother.
"I asked my dad why he couldn't heal her and he told me that medical researchers hadn't developed the right type of treatment that would help her. So I became determined then and there to find a way to heal other people's grandmothers."
Jasper had a small smile on his face as he looked at me, shaking his head, but the expression on his face was one of pride.
"And as it turns out, I really love biology and the work I've been able to do so far."
He leaned in and kissed me gently, cupping the right side of my face with his hand.
"You're amazing, you know that, right?"
"I just wish I could have had more time with my grandmother," I answered. It was the truth. She was the first person I ever knew who died, and even though he didn't voice it, I could see how frustrated my dad was that he couldn't save her. I think a small part of him still thought of himself as a failure of a son.
Jasper grabbed my hand and squeezed it, then leaned his head on my shoulder.
"You must have wanted to be something when you grew up," I tried to broach the conversation I knew he needed to have as innocently as possible.
He sighed and lifted his head. "Well, we're a career military family. Rose was going to go into the Air Force and I was going to be a marine."
I stored the image of Jasper in full marine dress for my next jerk off session and instead tried to imagine my brother's blond bombshell of a girlfriend in military fatigues with her hair cut short.
The expression on my face must have been a familiar one, because Jasper laughed and said,
"Yeah, once she hit puberty and started getting ogled by every straight, red-blooded male in the county, even my dad thought it would be a bad idea."
"So when exactly did you decide against going into the service?"
"Well, I mean, it partly had to do with my discovery that I was gay. I would have had to hide who I was, and even though I never really broadcast my sexuality before, well, before this, I never really hid it either. But it was more than that, I think. I just couldn't see myself blindly following orders for the rest of my life. I mean, for years I did whatever my dad told me to do, and you saw how well I reacted to being free of that..." he trailed off, as if not wanting to remember his first semester antics.
"Why do you feel like you have to know what you want to do right this second?" I was worried that somehow this all had something to do with me.
"Because that's why you go to college, isn't it? I mean, you want to save people from cancer and this is the first step to achieving that. I should know why I'm here."
I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter to me in the least if he had some master plan for what he wanted to do with his life, because it didn't. I knew that he would figure out what he wanted, and in the grand scheme of things it didn't matter if whatever that was required a college degree. It didn't matter if he never really found the "one thing" that he should do with his life, because it just didn't work that way for everybody. But it almost seemed as if he needed me to take on that role of guide, of support in this particular endeavor, so I bit my tongue on my current thoughts, not knowing if it was the right thing to do or not. Instead I said,
"There's a career counseling center on campus, maybe they could help."
"I know, I know, that's what my advisor told me when I was registering for classes, but I guess- I guess I don't want someone else to tell me what I can do. I think I need to figure it out on my own."
"You will, just keep an open mind in your classes; it will probably come to you when you don't expect it."
"I guess," but he still sounded disappointed in himself.
"I know you'll figure it out," I added.
He gave me a small smile and then stood, reaching out his hand to pull me up. We walked back to the dorm in relative silence, but this time the tension wasn't so strong. Though I got the feeling that Jasper was still stewing under the surface.
"I think I'm going to take a shower," he said absentmindedly as we returned to our room.
He didn't even tease me as he undressed quickly and threw on his bathrobe and flip-flops, grabbing a towel and his shower caddy and hurrying out of the room.
He looked so preoccupied that I knew I had to do something.
It took me about 30 seconds before I realized what that something was.
I grabbed a few necessities out of my makeshift, dorm room medicine cabinet, then stripped down and wrapped myself in a clean, fluffy towel.
The hallway was silent as I trudged down to the men's bathroom, the sound of my flip-flops slapping on the tiled floors echoed behind me. I pushed open the bathroom door and quickly checked the stalls for any sign of occupancy, and then I crossed over into the shower area. Only one shower was running.
"Jasper?"
I took off my towel, took a deep breath, and slipped behind the curtain.
He turned, startled, until he took a good look at me and a big grin crawled across his face. It made me feel better about the current state of my physique. He wouldn't look at me like a piece of meat unless he was attracted to me, anyway, it gave me the confidence to continue with my plan.
"It's two o'clock in the morning, no one will know," I said plainly.
"Know what exactly," he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"About how you fucked my brains out in the shower," I leaned forward to coyly whisper in his ear.
I returned upright and pulled my left hand from behind my back to show him the condom and lube I had smuggled in.
Less than a second later my back was pressed up against the shower stall's wall with Jasper's entire slick, soapy, wet body rubbing against mine, his lips at my neck.
"Oh, I'll fuck your brains out," he growled into my ear.
He spun me roughly and put my hands against the wall. He pulled my hips back until I was bent at the waist. He wasted no time, because suddenly I felt a finger rubbing against my prostate. I tried to stay cognizant of the fact that we were in a dorm shower, but I was only partly successful in suppressing the moan.
He grabbed my ass roughly, trying to spread me as wide as possible. I thought he would just plow into me, but he started slowly, even in the heat of passion he didn't want to hurt me.
"It's okay," I whispered. It did hurt a bit the first couple times I bottomed, and, like Jasper had said that first time, it definitely felt "weird", but once I understood so long as I relaxed that it wouldn't hurt... well, then it felt amazing.
After he filled me, he paused.
He felt my body relax.
And then with no more hesitation he pulled out until only his head was inside me and then slammed back in. He grabbed my hips and pulled them back to meet his with each thrust. The pace he set was fast and I got lost in the rhythm. The slapping of skin reverberated against the tile walls, and if anyone happened to come into the bathroom at this point, they wouldn't be able to convince themselves that the sounds were of anything else. But it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the connection between the two of us that was beyond words, beyond Jasper's frustration, beyond my attempt to appease his frustration, and maybe even beyond our love for each other. It was pure sensation.
It was only when Jasper told me that he was close to cumming that I realized I had been stroking myself along with his thrusts. I let myself get lost once again in how good it felt, how good it would feel for him to explode inside me, and that was enough to push me over the edge.
I came hard, almost as if my semen was violently forced from my body. I had to put my hand back on the wall to steady myself.
"Fuck- Ed- you feel so..." and with that I could feel Jasper release inside me.
He leaned forward and rested his torso against my back, wrapping his arms around my waist, panting hungrily in my ear. My legs were like jelly, and it felt like my arms against the wall were the only thing keeping us from crashing to the ground. I waited for him to catch his breath.
"That was exactly what I needed," he whispered into my ear as he slowly pulled out of me and slapped my ass playfully. "I love you," he added, almost shyly, which seemed incongruent after the way he had just manhandled me.
I turned and threw my arms around him, "I love you."
We washed ourselves as best we could, though we quickly found that dorm showers were clearly not made for two people to bathe in.
"What is it with us and tight spaces?" I said, thinking about the closet and playground fort that started this all.
Jasper laughed at me, which I didn't understand until I caught the double entendre. I just rolled my eyes at him, kissed him, and stepped out of the shower, grabbing my towel and wrapping it back around my waist. I trudged back to our room, flinging my towel off of me and into my hamper. Why Jasper chose to dry off in the shower was beyond me, I'd towel off a little, but I preferred to air-dry.
I turned on the box fan that sat in the window of our un-air conditioned dorm room and let the cool air flow around my damp skin. I could feel the water evaporate from my skin, my whole body still sensitive after the release Jasper and I had just shared.
Once I was sufficiently dry, I went to the dresser and was pulling out some boxers to sleep in when he came into the room, in his thin, untied bathrobe. Not saying a word he snatched the boxers out of my hand and led me to the bottom bunk of our stacked beds, shedding his robe on the way. He pulled me down onto the bed, arranging us so he was on his back and my head was resting on his shoulder, my arm thrown across his bare chest. He pulled his opposite arm around me. I stretched my neck out so I could kiss his cheek then returned to my position lying naked in his arms.
I knew that our conversation hadn't really solved anything.
I knew that he was still in a state of despair at not having anything resembling a life plan.
I knew that neither of us was perfect and that I would continue to be supportive of Jasper as we both figured things out.
But I did know that together we could weather the rain.
A/N: I don't know how I feel about this chapter... was it okay?
I also don't know if I can keep up with my Tuesday & Saturday posting schedule, but I'll do my best to keep up. I am sort of unhappy with what I am currently doing with my life, so I tend to screw around a lot when I should be working, which on the bright side enables me ample writing time. Hah!