Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I do put them in "adult situations."

A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who continue to read and review, as well as add this story to your alert and favorite lists. I'm fairly new to the fanfiction world, and I'm a bit of a nervous wreck at having other people read my writing because I want to please each and every one of you, so your support really means a lot to me.

I looked around the room and laughed as Charlie and I set the couch down, it was the last heavy piece of furniture that we needed to carry up the flight of stairs to the apartment. He looked at me like I was crazy, and then inquired.

"You are willingly letting your 19-year-old daughter move in with a boy. I just can't get over it, Chief," I teased.

Charlie grinned, "When's your next parade, kid, I might join you in the march."

It was the perfect situation for all of us though. Jasper and I had wanted to move in together, but I think we both kind of knew it was a bad idea. At least, I thought it was a bad idea and he respected me enough to agree. He could distract me like nothing else as was obvious by our shenanigans over the summer. If there wasn't anyone to hear us, or see us, or walk in on us in our own apartment, well, I wouldn't have reason to leave the house... or put on clothes.

Since Jake was moving to Seattle for art school, Bella had wanted to live with him, but her father put his foot down. And anyway, the art school was on the waterfront so it would have been impossible to find an affordable place that didn't involve a pain-in-the-ass commute for either or both of them. So I asked Bella to move in with me. With our twin connection in full force, Alice had asked the same of Jasper. Jake was perfectly accepting of the idea, and it was an agreeable situation to Charlie, because he knew that I had absolutely no dishonorable intentions with his daughter, but was still masculine enough that I could provide any protection if needed. So long as Charlie didn't think about all the dishonorable things I would be doing to Jasper on this couch, all would be well.

I think my parents felt the same security with Alice and Jasper living together. Given Alice's history with dating, the odds of her randomly deciding to live with some guy and then have it fall apart a few weeks later was likely. Jasper, on the other hand, was a sure thing.

My sure thing.

I had waited until after summer school was over to let it slip that Jasper and I were dating. The fact that we roomed together over the summer made it look kind of suspicious, but my parents didn't say anything. It made me feel like they were finally starting to respect me as an adult, though I felt a little guilty for hiding it from them for so long. I had been successfully dodging my mother's questions for the past few weeks that I had gone back to spend in Forks after summer term. Luckily she was easily distracted if I directed the conversation toward things I needed for my new apartment. But I knew I couldn't put it off forever.

As if on cue, my phone rang.

"Hey Em, what's up? You guys need help moving Alice in?" Alice had conveniently found an apartment for her and Jasper in the same complex as Bella and me. So we had moved all of our things down together, sort of like a mass migration from Forks.

"No, no, we're all done. Your boy is like a pack mule... a fudge-pack mule!" Emmett laughed at his own joke.

"Then why are you calling me, breeder." I had started returning the favor with the name-calling.

"Just a heads up... Mom's been asking Jasper... questions." He said 'questions' in a very suggestive tone.

"Uh... what kind of questions?"

"The mechanics of anal sex. What do you think? No dipshit, she's been asking about your relationship. Frankly, it's nice to have her off my back for a change. You know she's already been asking for grandkids."

Despite the maturing process that I could see Emmett undergoing thanks to Rosalie, Emmett as a father was kind of terrifying.

"Oh god, thanks for the warning."

"Yeah, and she wants to take us all out to lunch. You've been warned, asslicker."

"I love you too big brother," and I smacked a kiss into the phone.

Emmett snorted and hung up.

I started pacing. I wasn't sure why this of all things turned my brain on overdrive.

Bella, Charlie and Jake came in then with the last set of boxes. I let them know that my mom was coming over and wanted to take us all out to lunch. I knew Charlie couldn't pass up a free meal. Plus, I was hoping that having a lot of people around would take the heat off me. I don't know why I was so reluctant to talk to my mom about my dating Jasper. It wasn't that I wasn't proud of our relationship or deliriously happy, I just didn't want to admit a few things, like how long I had been pining over him; the circumstances under which we found out about our mutual admiration and our subsequent first kiss; the way we snuck around the summer after high school; the reason why Emmett's chocolate syrup had vanished from the fridge; how hurt I felt when freshman year started and Jasper pulled away from me; or how we spent this summer happily making our dorm mates uncomfortable. It was just more than I could tell her, and I was worried about her sneaky ways of getting information out of me. I was closer to my dad than my mom, he was a lot more like me. He would have quashed some of her nosy inquiries, but he was unable to take off work to help us move.

I was brought out of my panicked reverie by a knock on the door and Emmett's best Sloth impression,

"Hey you guys!"

Jake was closest, so he swung open the door, only to be immediately put into a headlock by my oaf of a brother. Jake had been in Emmett's weight class on the wrestling team in high school. Emmett had treated him as something of an understudy, so for the past two years Em had harassed Jake about maintaining his own undefeated record at their weight class.

My mom, followed by Alice and Jasper, who were in the middle of what looked like a fairly intense discussion about fabric swatches, stepped around the wrestlers and into the living room of our new apartment.

Judicious as always, my mom spoke, "It's starting to look good in here, maybe some curtains, a couple rugs... it's a shame you can't paint the walls."

"Mom!" I interrupted her train of thought. I didn't want our apartment to turn into a page out of a Pottery Barn catalog. Neither Bella nor I really cared about interior design, plus, it was just a generic apartment occupied exclusively by college students for the past twenty years.

My mom stopped and rolled her eyes at me, then turned to meet Bella's eyes and finally Charlie's, giving them both a warm smile. "You'll join us for lunch won't you? My treat."

So that's how I found myself at a table in a local pizza joint, sitting next to Jasper, my left hand in a death grip on his right knee. My mom sat to my right at the head of the rectangular table, Alice was across from me, Bella next to her, followed by Jake, Charlie at the opposite table head and Emmett completed the rectangle sitting next to Jasper. The three men at the other end of the table, and shockingly Bella, were having a conversation about sports that I didn't catch the beginning of, so Jasper and I became the focus of my mother's attention.

"So," she wasn't going to let it go. "Jasper never got around to telling me, how long have the two of you been... dating?"

"You're shameless, Mom."

"A mother knows, dear, and I can see the change in you. I've never seen you so happy, and I noticed it long before you told your father and I about your relationship."

I blushed, but snuck a glance at Jasper out of the corner of my eye and couldn't help but grin.

He did make me happy.

"Well, uh..." I started.

Jasper squeezed my hand, lifting it slightly from the grip I had on him and broke in, "Since March, Mrs. Cullen. I apologize for not telling you sooner. Keeping it from you and Dr. Cullen was never my intention... but you know my parents..."

He trailed off and looked up at my mom. She smiled warmly and nodded sympathetically.

He continued, "They know and accept that I am gay, but it's still all very theoretical for them. To actually see me with a boyfriend, well, you can see why I'm a bit hesitant."

He had never spoken this aloud to me, but I sort of assumed that he was reluctant to take the plunge and appear as a couple with me in front of his parents. Nevertheless, I didn't want my mom to blame him for our nondisclosure, so I spoke up.

"Plus, and I know this was kind of childish on my part, but I didn't know if you would be okay with us rooming together this past summer if you knew."

My mom chuckled.

"First, Jasper, please call me Esme. 'Mrs. Cullen' was my dear mother-in-law, and I have known you as Emmett and Alice's friend for years. Second, I can't speak for your parents in particular, but as a parent myself I know that I would appreciate knowing about my child's significant other," she turned and looked at me with narrowed eyes. "And not have to guess and then pry it out of his twin."

"Alice!" I admonished.

"You know she has a way of unlocking my vault! And anyway she asked me outright, I couldn't lie!" Alice squeaked.

I gave her a look, letting her know I wasn't truly mad, and she first frowned in return to scold me for not just telling mom and dad in the first place, finally offering a smile in forgiveness of my pigheadedness.

Jasper shook his head and said incredulously, "You two and your silent twin talk."

My mom continued addressing Jasper, "But, I understand your reluctance."

Our sets of parents were about 10 years apart in age. My mom got pregnant when she was 18 and being the responsible man he is, my dad proposed and they got married as soon as he turned 18. She miscarried that pregnancy, though my dad told me later that it was that traumatic experience that brought them closer together as a couple. And they'd been together ever since. Two years later Emmett was born, and Alice and I followed the next year. They were fairly progressive in their beliefs and because of their own mistakes as teenagers, were more understanding with us than most of my friends' parents seemed to be. Jasper's parents were a bit more traditional in their views, and I think Jasper made a good point; knowing that their son was gay was one thing, seeing him in a gay relationship was another.

"And just so you know, even if my son screws this up, we'll always think of you as family."

"Hey!"

"You know I love your father, dear, but you have inherited a lot of his neuroses. I completely understand if you get impatient with him, Jasper; if you ever need some tips on how to deal with him, you know how to reach me." She winked, and I wondered just what she, Jasper and Alice had talked about as they were moving in this morning. If my mom and my boyfriend ended up in cahoots, this could wind up very bad for me.

She asked a few more, thankfully non-sexual, questions, about our first date, about whether or not we ran into any trouble when we were together in public. She got very defensive when we told her about the obscenities written on our door this summer and told us that we should have complained to the residence hall manager.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Emmett broke through our conversation.

"Eddie's a big baseball fan, he must have an opinion on what makes a good pitcher."

I rolled my eyes at him. Could he be more obvious?

I didn't humor him though, and launched into a boring rant about the merits of a quality baseball pitcher. I only meant to punish Emmett with my long-winded explanation, but it actually ended up sparking a debate and the next thing I knew an hour had passed and we were heading back to the apartment.

My mom went through and gave all of us a round of hugs.

"Thank you for telling me everything, Edward. If you ever keep something so important from me again, you're in for it."

"Mom, I'm almost 20 years old, you can't threaten me."

"I have baby pictures, sweetheart, and pictures of you playing in the bathtub, of you with spaghetti sauce all over your face, of Alice playing dress up with you."

"I'm gay. Seeing pictures of me in makeup and a dress isn't all that shocking."

"What about your awkward middle school years?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

I shuddered.

"Fine, fine, all major life events will be shared with you in a timely manner."

"That's my boy." She reached up and kissed my forehead.

Even with the threats, after she and Charlie got back on the road, I felt a lot better. Now that she knew as much as she wanted to know and would fill my dad in on the details, it just solidified our relationship even more in my mind. The only thing left to do would be to tell Jasper's parents, but I wasn't going to push him. I had only met his parents at a few school functions. His dad, and once in a while his mom, used to come watch him at wrestling meets. I usually tried to avoid sitting near them though, for fear that they would somehow pick up on my attraction to their son. I wasn't ashamed to admit that I was a little intimidated by his dad; he just seemed so serious and stern with his military posture. Yet, he was never the type of parent who would yell at his son or berate him if he didn't win a match. He was polite and obviously proud of Jasper. Still, it didn't particularly endear him to me. After all, I was the guy who was boning his son, there's no way he would like me.

Jasper and Alice didn't linger long in our apartment. Claiming that they needed roommate bonding time, Alice pulled Jasper away from my arms, and launched into a soliloquy about furniture arrangements. Jasper shot me an apologetic look on his way out, though secretly I think he liked the idea of decorating and arranging an apartment.

Jake didn't stay much longer either, his classes started before ours and he wanted to get completely unpacked and settled before they did.

"I'll leave you two to your 'roommate bonding time,'" he snickered as he left.

Neither of us felt like unpacking so I hooked up the TV and DVD player while Bella ordered Chinese food.

We sprawled out on the couch watching a cheesy action movie that probably belonged to Emmett and having easy conversation.

"I can't believe Jasper doesn't like Chinese food," Bella said between bites of lo mein.

"It boggles the mind how someone could not like crab Rangoon," I replied shaking my head. "Hey Bells, are you sure Jake's okay with this?"

Bella smiled at me, "Perfectly okay. I know it's hard to believe, but he likes you, Edward."

"It sure took him a while."

Bella and I both laughed. Jake's dad and Charlie were best friends, so Bella had known Jake since they were kids as well. But since he lived on the La Push Reservation she didn't see him very often until he started attending the Forks school system when he was a freshman and we were sophomores. He pined after Bella for almost two years before making a move, instead spending those two years actively trying to make me look like a fool in front of her. Of course, it was either play along with his game or tell him why he shouldn't view me as competition. It was only after they started dating that I finally clued him in as to my sexual preference. He was kind of mad at first that I hadn't just told him outright, but I pointed out that if he had just made a move sooner he could have saved himself a lot of time and energy, because I never actually was competition. Anyway, he was a good-natured guy and figured that since he got the girl in the end, it didn't matter. He and I had actually started to become close friends.

Anyway, he was good for Bella, and balanced her out the way Jasper balanced me.

We were a lot alike, so inevitably Bella and I settled into an easy pattern as roommates.

Though both of our significant others had their own places, it seemed to end up that everyone – including Alice, Emmett, and even Rosalie – would congregate in our apartment.

I think it had something to do with the fact that both Bella and I liked to cook, as well as bake, and we both liked taking advantage of the kitchen after living for a year in the dorms without one. We were amassing an impressive collection of cookbooks, picking up a new one from the discount rack whenever we went on a bookstore excursion. We couldn't afford all the finest ingredients by any means, but we were able to do a great deal of experimenting. We learned how to make Thai and Indian curries, Vietnamese spring rolls, chile rellenos, perfect guacamole and a variety of baked goods.

At least once a week, usually more often, we would take turns cooking a multi-course meal for everyone, trying to outdo the menu of the previous feast. Bella stunned us with a three-course meal of tortilla soup, enchiladas, and flan. I responded with French cuisine to up the ante.

Luckily I was back on a running schedule and the occasional lifting session with Em and Jasper, or I would have turned into a blimp.

Most nights either Jasper would sleep at our place or I would sleep over there, we both had full-size beds now, which were a welcome change from the tiny dorm beds I had gotten used to the past year. They were much better suited for any and all activities other than sleeping. Even with roommates we still found a lot of time to be alone and I more often than not fell asleep satisfied. It didn't seem to matter where we started out when we fell asleep though, because whenever I woke up in the morning we were tangled together, as if like magnets attracted to one another even in sleep.

All in all my second year of college was starting out amazingly well.

If only it could have lasted that way.

It was about three weeks into the semester when I first started feeling overwhelmed. I was taking 19 credit hours, it was only 6 classes and a lab, but I could see now that it was going to be a lot to deal with. The hardest course on my schedule was the dreaded organic chemistry, which wouldn't have been so bad if I weren't also taking Physics I, two biology classes, an English elective and abnormal psychology. My advisor didn't even bat an eye when I registered for these courses, so I assumed that I could deal with it.

But I wasn't dealing with it very well.

I could feel myself growing irritable, but I tried not to take it out on anyone else.

I don't know if I was fully succeeding.

Intuitive as he was, Jasper could sense that I needed to unwind, so he had planned a date for us tonight.

I only had morning classes on Friday, so when I got home from my last class I called Jasper, needing to know what I should wear for our date.

"Dressier than a t-shirt and ripped jeans," he laughed. "Really, just don't look like a hobo and you'll be fine."

He was implying that I could look like a hobo.

"And you won't tell me where were going?"

"Nope." I was sure he was smirking.

"Fine," I sighed, my voice heavier than I intended.

"Hey, I haven't seen you much this week, are classes going okay? You sound a little stressed."

I knew that I shouldn't freak out about this, especially around Jasper because he was sorting through his own issues with school, but I just couldn't help it.

"I don't want to lay this on you. I'm sorry. You have your own shit to deal with. I'm just worried. If I don't get an "A" in organic chemistry then my GPA will sink and I'll never get one of the undergraduate research internships next year."

"Don't hold back for my benefit. Letting it fester in you is only going to make it worse."

He was right, I knew he was right, but I still couldn't help but feel guilty.

"And anyway, organic chemistry is a tough subject. If you're having trouble I'm sure there are tutors and study groups available. It will be fine."

When Jasper said it, I almost believed him.

"Thanks," I said weakly. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course."

I had all afternoon free and wouldn't need to get ready for our date until 5 or so, so I set to work, trying to knock out some of my homework so I wouldn't have to spend my entire Saturday and Sunday on it. Organic chemistry was the worst, so I thought I would tackle it first.

I could name alkanes, alkenes, alkynes, aromatics and polymers. I could draw structural diagrams of molecules until the cows came home. I could even figure out redox equations with a little time and patience.

But how the fuck was I supposed to read integrated spectral data?

Not long after I started, I was getting stuck in the spectroscopic method and there was no hope of escape.

I couldn't concentrate on it, and then my over-active mind started to wander.

I thought about what would happen if I failed this course. I would have to take it again, but what if I just was not capable of understanding any of this? I would just fail it again and again until they either kicked me out of the University or at least the Biology Department. What would I do if I couldn't major in Biology? There's no way I would get into med school. And if I never got into med school, then I'd never get a research job. I'd have to spend the rest of my life as a failure – to myself, to my father, my mother, Jasper. He was so proud of me when I told him why I wanted to go into medical research. What would he think of me if I had to drop out of school? He would still love me, but would I really be the same person he had fallen in love with?

The air was starting to feel thinner, my shoulders tensed, and I could feel my chest starting to tighten.

Then I noticed that my heart was racing.

I knew this feeling.

So I started taking deep breaths, or I tried to anyway, but they came out more like gasps.

The focus of my panic turned. What if I couldn't calm down? Would my heart be over-worked from the frantic pace at which it was beating? Would I have tachycardia permanently? Would I need a pacemaker? No, I would probably hyperventilate first, my breath becoming shorter and shorter.

I had to get out of this room.

I somehow managed to walk out of my room and into the bathroom. I was lucid enough to start drawing a bath for myself. Whenever I had a fever as a child, my mom would draw a bath for me, the hot water forcing my body to relax. I climbed into the tub with the water still running. I tried to stretch out, to let the hot water envelop me, but my body wouldn't cooperate. My legs were involuntarily curling up, and I unconsciously brought my knees into my chest. So there I sat in the middle of the tub, my arms wrapped around my knees, rocking back and forth.

It wasn't helping.

The pace of my shallow breathing increased.

I was panting at this point. My heart was racing faster than ever. My body was under so much stress I was either going to go into shock or die.

I was scared.

I was going to die, naked in a bathtub.

"Edward? Are you okay? You've been in there a long time." Bella's voice scratched through my stream of thoughts.

But the only thought that would register was the fact that I was going to die.

I must have made some noise, because I heard a gasp and then heavy footsteps.

Going to die. Going to die. Going to die. Going to die.

"He's in here," I could hear Bella's voice talking to someone.

"Can you open the door, babe? It's me."

"Jas- Jasper?" my voice was raspy at this point from all the gasping for breath.

"Will you let me in?"

"I- I- I don't- don't think I can move," I managed to get out.

My last words were going to be: "I don't think I can move."

"Okay just sit tight, I'll be right back."

I heard a muted conversation about tools and hinges and lock-picking, but I didn't really comprehend any of it. The water had gone tepid and I was so cold, but I couldn't move apart from the rocking. If I moved then it would all become real. If I just stayed really still then it would be like I didn't exist. I could hide if I didn't move. Death couldn't find me if I was hiding.

I don't know how he did it, but eventually I was aware a new noise of metal against metal. And then the door swung open, and my beautiful man was suddenly at my side, leaning over me. His arms were around me in another instant, and even though I was all wet and about the same size as he, I realized I was being lifted, cradled. I felt safe then, and I threw my arms around my savior's neck, burying my face into his perfect chest.

"I'm getting you wet," I managed to squeak out.

"Shh..." was his reply.

He carried me into my bedroom, gently setting me down on the edge of my bed. He produced a towel from somewhere and began drying me off.

Once I was dry he stood and walked over to my dresser.

As soon as he broke our physical contact, my knees were up and I was rocking back and forth again.

"Going... going... to die." My teeth were chattering.

Jasper rushed back to me and climbed onto the bed; he positioned himself behind me and grabbed me under my armpits. He scooted us back until he was resting against the pillows that were propped up against the wall at the head of my bed, and I was in between his legs, my back against his chest. He leaned forward and pulled the covers over us then wrapped his arms around me.

And he held me.

"Shh..." he murmured into my ear again.

I could feel his heart beating, slow and steady in his chest. I could feel his chest slowly rising and falling behind me.

Slow and steady.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Eventually my breathing slowed down to match his.

It was then that I started to cry.

I was coming out of the panic attack, but I felt so horrible. I felt horrible about feeling so inadequate at organic chemistry. I felt horrible because of the pressure I was trying to put on myself this semester. I felt horrible that I was so terrified of failing and becoming a disappointment to everyone who believed in me that I was starting to turn into bundle of nerves and stress.

But most of all, I felt horrible that Jasper had to see me this way.

I turned until I was curled into a ball, sitting sideways against him.

"I'm such a bad boyfriend..." I wailed. "You were so proud of me but I can't- I can't-"

"Don't say that, don't ever say that," his voice was calm, but I could register the passion behind his words. "You are the best boyfriend."

I sniffled, "No you are," I said into his chest.

He laughed gently and pressed his lips softly into the spot on the back of my neck.

"You don't have to be perfect all the time. If it gets to be too much, it's okay to ask for help," he murmured. "You're perfect for me, and that's all that matters."

"I ruined our date night," I said sadly.

"We can still have a good night," he said. "Will you come out to the living room with me?"

I nodded.

He helped me into pajama pants and a t-shirt as if I were a child. But I couldn't complain about the tender attention he showered on me. I felt loved.

Even in spite of my meltdown, he loved me.

He put his arm around my waist as we walked out into the living room. Bella was pacing back and forth the length of the room. When she saw us emerge she rushed over to me and threw her arms around me, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"I was so worried," her voice was shaky. "You weren't answering." I wondered how long she had knocked on the bathroom door.

"I'm so sorry," I could feel the tears starting to well again.

"No, no, I'm just glad you're okay."

I hugged her back, and after I released her she wrapped her arms around Jasper, thanking him too.

"Come," Jasper commanded, as he led me to the couch that was covered in pillows and blankets. He settled me into the corner of the couch, tucking me under a fleece blanket, then set to work arranging the pillows behind me.

There was a knock on the door, and I didn't even need to turn toward it to feel my twin coming toward me. She handed a grocery bag to Bella and then jumped onto the couch, throwing her arms around my neck.

"Don't you ever do that again! If you start feeling overwhelmed, even an inkling of it, call me, call Jasper, call Bella... we're all here for you."

"I know, I know, the panic just took over and I couldn't think clearly."

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked, pulling herself off me.

"A bit."

"Good, because I brought ice cream."

"Rocky Road?" I stuck my bottom lip out as I peered up at her.

She laughed at my childish antic, and responded with a "duh."

The four of us spent the rest of the evening sitting in the living room, eating ice cream and watching the most innocuous movies possible. The day's events had exhausted me and it wasn't long before I started getting tired. At first yawn, Jasper sprang up and scooped me up into his arms. I tried to protest, but the chorus of "aw"s from Bella and Alice silenced my words.

He tucked me into bed, then stripped down to his underwear and got under the covers with me, curling his body around mine like a second blanket.

"Thank you for being here for me, love," I whispered to him.

"Always," he whispered back.

Jasper spent the rest of the weekend in my apartment, barely leaving my side the entire time, and I have to say I didn't mind in the least. We did our homework together, and he sat with me quietly reading a book, as I continued to work even after he had long finished his own. He helped me out in the kitchen as I prepared meals, playing sous-chef. He even showered with me, though that was partly for his benefit, and may have resulted with me on my knees and my lips around his cock. He tried to protest, but I figured a blow job was the least I could give him in return for basically saving my life, and anyway, he returned the favor.

By the end of the weekend I felt a lot better, as if Jasper's love had encased me like a suit of armor, protecting me from the threats the outside world was hurling at me.

Monday morning I found a graduate student to tutor me in organic chemistry.

He hated integrated spectroscopy too.

A/N: Whew, that was difficult to write. I know that panic attacks are experienced differently by different people, but that's about how they go for me - absolutely terrifying. How'd I do?