Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but according to one anonymous reviewer, apparently I enjoy offending people with them!

A/N: First, I must give a huge thank you to PerfectlyPersuasive for being a perfectly perfunctory beta, the queen of commas, and for fixing my sentence fail. ;) Second, thank you all so much for your kind reviews and for adding this story to your favorite and alert lists! I never, ever thought I'd make it this far, and I most certainly wouldn't without all of your appreciation. Third, this chapter's a bit long, so I hope you bear with me.

I could feel him pulling away from me.

I was fairly sure the incident with James was no longer an issue, so I suspected there was some other reason why Jasper was acting odd around me. When we got back from Thanksgiving break, it only seemed to get worse. I got so caught up in the chaos of the end of the term, though; I never had a good opportunity to really ask Jasper what was bothering him. From what I could tell, he was keeping up with his own school work and was satisfied with his performance on his finals. Once we were both finished, we took a day for ourselves and spent it eating, drinking and making love before we had to part ways. We barely got out of bed all day, and it was heavenly.

The rest of winter break was torturous.

Jasper and Rosalie went to Texas again for the entire holiday. Jasper had briefly discussed the possibility of me coming with him at least for a few days, but it didn't work out. Though I really wanted to meet the infamous Grandma Hale, she was recovering from surgery after a health scare, and it didn't seem like a good time to intrude on the family dynamic. Even Emmett wasn't going with Rosalie, a fact that he seemed extraordinarily relieved about.

Jasper and I spoke on the phone every day at first. By the end of break, it had lessened to every other day, and those conversations were devoid of any meaningful communication. The last few times we spoke it was only for phone sex. It was fantastic, of course, but I couldn't shake the nagging thought that our physical connection was the primary thing maintaining our relationship.

If being apart for three weeks caused such a rift between us, what did that say about our relationship? I had always thought that our bond was stronger than that, but it felt like Jasper was losing interest in me.

When we got back to school and into a routine of classes, spending every night together, I slowly started to pick up on the changes and put everything into perspective. I thought back to last semester and realized that more often than not, Jasper had at least a beer in the evening, but it didn't seem like a big deal. After the incident with James on Emmett's birthday, he seemed to need to "unwind" even more, and Emmett was more than happy to go on beer runs at the drop of a hat, taking every opportunity he could to brandish his ID.

I knew it wasn't healthy to rely on beer to relax, but whenever I made any implication that he was using alcohol as a crutch or even just inquired as to how he was doing, he assured me that everything was fine. I really wanted to believe him, so I continually allowed myself be somewhat placated by the denial that was cloaked in his lame responses.

It's not that I had any valid proof on which to base my fears. From what I could tell, he went to all of his classes and kept up with his school work. He went to the gym regularly, and other than the beer drinking, was taking care of himself physically. So I couldn't conclude he was showing any signs of depression or even anxiety really. He started to spend a lot of time with Jared and Paul. I was a little jealous, not because I felt our relationship was threatened by them, but because they were the ones who seemed to be able to make him feel better. Well, them and the Miller brewing company.

Clearly, there was something wrong.

Even Alice was starting to worry about him, but she never expressly voiced her concern to me. She was the type of person who lets people make their own mistakes, but his behavior was growing noticeably different from the Jasper we both knew and loved. I figured if she could be convinced he had a problem, then she would help me do something about it.

I knew that Jasper loved me. I knew that never wavered, but he was in a downward spiral.

It was so obvious that something had been bothering him since last semester, but for some reason, he felt like he couldn't talk to me about it. Or, maybe he didn't even want to face it himself. All of his actions reminded me of the previous summer when he was struggling to find a reason to stay in college. As far as I knew, he was still undecided as to his major; though, he was supposed to declare something by the end of the year. He was still taking a variety of Gen-Ed classes, but he never went to the career counseling center. I think it was still weighing on him.

There had to be more to it though, than just the nearing deadline.

Since he wouldn't talk to me about it, my musings only served to make me feel like a jackass. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't, I was so worried about getting a research internship next year; I couldn't help but lay my worries on Jasper once and a while. He didn't need to hear any of my whining when he was obviously going through something much worse.

I relied so much on him for emotional support, but I couldn't give it to him when he needed it.

I failed him.

The weeks passed, and he was still physically present in my life. Emotionally, though, he was slipping away into a buzzed state of apathy. I tried to be there for him, let him know that I was always available for him if he needed me, but he was a broken record, telling me again and again that everything was fine. I didn't know how much longer it could continue this way.

As the temperature began to warm, it got closer and closer to the one day of the year that held more significance to me than any other. Eventually it arrived, and I woke up that morning with the feeling that something important was going to happen today. Jasper had not stayed with me the night before. I had been up late working on a midterm paper, and he had gone out with Emmett to a local pool hall. When I asked Jasper if he had any plans for today, he said he had some homework to finish, but otherwise was going to play it by ear.

That wasn't what I wanted to hear at all.

I knew that it was sort of manipulative to not mention it to him beforehand. I could have planned something for us to do to celebrate. I figured he would probably not remember anyway, but I didn't because four months ago he never would have forgotten.

I hadn't heard from him all day, so eventually I broke down and called Alice, asking whether or not she had spoken with Jasper. She instantly questioned why I was calling her and not Jasper, so after I made her promise not to breathe a word about it to him, I had to fess up that today was our one-year anniversary.

"He's home right now, I can ask him if he has any plans tonight," Alice offered.

I heard some muffled noise and what sounded like Jasper's voice through the phone.

"Hey Ed," Jasper's smooth voice indicated he had taken the phone from Alice. "Are you studying tonight? I was going to go over to Paul and Jared's to watch basketball in a bit; you know you're always invited."

I tried to muffle my sigh, so instead I made an excuse about school work and needing to spend some time with Bella.

"Okay," he didn't sound phased. "If I get home early I'll give you a call. I missed you last night."

"I missed you too," I said.

It was the truth.

He handed the phone back to Alice and I heard her call out "bye" to him as he left to spend the one-year marking of our relationship with two other men.

"You could just remind him, you know," Alice scolded.

"It's not a big deal, Alice."

"Well, why don't you come over here and surprise him when he comes home?" Alice suggested.

I knew she was trying to help, but it wasn't really my style. What was I going to do? Wait for him naked in his bed with a bow tied around my dick?

Nevertheless, I wanted to know if he would remember, and maybe part of me wanted to confront him about it. So, later that afternoon I went over to their apartment, both to spend some time with Alice and to wait for Jasper to come home. Eventually Alice left to meet with a study group, so I sat on the couch by myself and waited.

And, waited.

And, waited.

I tried to read. I tried to do the homework I brought, but I couldn't concentrate on it. Eventually I ended up watching the very basketball game that Jasper was probably watching, but I couldn't really get into it.

Finally, I heard the key in the lock, and whoever was on the other side of the door was fumbling with it. Eventually, it swung open, and Jasper, my beautiful Jasper, sauntered across the threshold. He didn't look completely smashed, but I could tell he was definitely not entirely sober. His eyes were starting to look bloodshot, and the expression on his face was just... empty.

"Ed," he smiled. "What are you doin' here?"

I swallowed, "I was waiting for you."

"Were you now?"

Suddenly, he was straddling me. His lips were all over me, carelessly being planted haphazardly on my face and neck as he tugged at my shirt. He managed to undo all the buttons and was running his tongue along my collarbone. His warm hands lightly caressed my bare chest. It felt so heavenly; I let myself enjoy it for a moment.

Even though I knew it was wrong.

I couldn't do this.

I didn't want to be with Jasper like this. Not while I was crushed that he had forgotten the anniversary of our relationship. While he wasn't even aware of it. Not while he was tipsy enough that his drawl was coming out. Not while I was terrified about the future of our relationship.

I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't help it. A sob escaped my lips, and then the tears started to fall uncontrollably. It took a second before he noticed.

Then he pulled away and I could see a hint of recognition in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" The worry in his voice was genuine, and he slipped off my lap. Despite it all, he still loved me.

I couldn't answer. I couldn't speak. I was too racked with sobs to breathe properly, let alone form words.

"Ed," he whispered.

Even though I wanted it, I wasn't prepared to have this conversation. Every time I brought up his drinking in the past, he would call me a killjoy, and tell me there was nothing wrong with having a beer or two to relax. He assured me that he had everything under control, and in his mind, I believe he thought he had. His first semester and a half of college was spent binge drinking, going to parties, letting random men hit on him. To him, this was different. He'd only have a few beers in a sitting, he drank at home or his friend's places, and he was in a somewhat stable relationship with me. Yet, this was worse, because at this rate, he'd never really hit bottom.

I was going to have to do it for him.

"I- I- love you so much, Jasper," I croaked out.

"I love you too, Ed, what's wrong? What happened? Did something bad happen?"

"Not- not in the way you think," my chest was still heaving, and it was hard to get out the words.

"Tell me," he demanded, his eyes now frantic, frightened.

"Do you know what today is?" I asked finally.

His face relaxed for a moment, relieved that I wasn't bearing bad news directly. Then he paused, thinking, and finally, "Other than Sunday?"

I started crying again. He really didn't know; it really didn't mean anything to him. I know that anniversaries were kind of silly, but Jasper was the type of guy who would remember. He had bought me flowers exactly six months after we had declared our love for one another.

It took all the resolve I had, but I finally managed to stand up.

He looked shocked.

"When you do remember what today is, call me, and please be sober when you do it."

I couldn't help but get in that last dig.

He began to defend himself behind me, but I shouted over him, "I don't want to fucking hear it. The Jasper I know wouldn't accept being so numb all the time. He would stand up to his demons and fight. I can't be with you when you're like this... so despondent, like you've given up, and the worst part is you don't even know you've given up." My words weren't coming out the way I hoped, but my voice was steady and I remained calm even through my anger. "You know where to find me."

I couldn't turn around to look at him, or I would cave in somehow.

So, I left.

Moments after I shut the door, I heard what sounded like glass shattering from inside the apartment, but he didn't come after me.

I stumbled back to my apartment; thank god Bella was staying at Jake's. I didn't need her to see me like this. I collapsed into sobs almost as soon as I was through the doorway. I leaned against the front door as my entire body was racked with my heavy gasps.

I was so terrified. For the first time in our relationship, I didn't know how we would be able to work this out. He had no idea what he was doing to himself, and if what I said to him tonight didn't get through to him, then I don't know what would. I thought about the sound of shattering glass, and I wonder just how angry with me he was. Jasper wasn't a violent person, but I had no doubt the shattering noise I heard wasn't an accident.

I knew that I had to say something to him. I knew he needed help to fix whatever it was he was running from and avoiding, but this was out of my range of experience.

What if I just ruined my relationship? The one and only thing I was always certain of was Jasper's place in my life. This couldn't be enough to sever our relationship, could it?

Eventually, I was able to get up and make my way into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I looked terrible. My eyes were puffy; my normally pale skin was red and blotchy. Seeing my disastrous appearance wasn't helping me to feel any better and the stream of painful questions wasn't easing up. Something had to give.

I opened the medicine cabinet, and I took some cough medicine. Normally, I wouldn't condone such behavior, but anything was better than this. May cause drowsiness? I sure fucking hoped so.

The next morning, I woke up and had 17 missed calls.

All from Alice.

I knew she was worried, so I didn't hesitate and dialed her number.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be furious at you right now!"

"I just woke up. I took some cough medicine, so I could sleep. Because he didn't... he didn't remember. He came home drunk and didn't remember," my voice broke, and suddenly, I was sobbing. Once the floodgates opened, I started spilling everything.

The only thing that stopped me was a knock on the front door.

"Hold on a sec, Ali." I picked myself off the floor and hurried to the front door. I knew that it wasn't Jasper. I also knew I wasn't ready to see him, but I still hoped in the back of my mind that it was him.

Instead I got 4 feet 11 inches of pixie barreling into me.

I hung up my phone.

"He's a wreck, Edward, a mess. He broke the bathroom mirror; I think he punched it. It was totally shattered, and he was just sitting in this pile of broken glass. Then he locked himself in his room. I tried talking to him this morning, but the only things he would say were 'what did I do wrong?' and 'how did I fuck this up?' I thought you messed things up somehow. I'm so sorry for thinking that now after everything you've told me. I knew that he was in a bad place, but I didn't realize how much he was relying on alcohol to get through it. I believed him when he said he was just having fun, unwinding, but he's really way beyond that. Oh, I'm such a bad best friend," she was wailing now.

We cried together.

"Eddie, I'm scared."

"Me too, but we can't help him if he doesn't want us to."

"I guess I should go back and make sure he's okay," she said finally.

"Ali, it's going to be rough. You can't force him into anything. Just let him know you'll be there for him."

Normally, she would have accused me of being a know-it-all, but she only nodded.

"And, please don't tell him about our anniversary."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. It was just a... catalyst. I just hoped that he would remember."

She nodded again, biting her lip. "Call me later, okay?"

"Sure thing, Twin."

I must have looked a mess. When Bella came home later that afternoon, it only took her a glance before she gave me a huge hug and asked me what was wrong. I started sobbing again as I relayed the story to her. She tried to reassure me that I had done the right thing, and that there was only so far I could go before being "supportive" became enabling. But, I still felt like there was something more I could have done, that there must have been a much better way to handle the situation.

A week later, and I still had heard nothing from him. Alice was giving me reports about his behavior, but it seemed that Jasper was avoiding her for the most part too. She did say that all the beer in the house had disappeared, and more did not show up in its place. That could be good, or it could mean that Jasper was hiding it, or drinking elsewhere. I could drive myself crazy with that type of thinking, though; so I tried to have faith in him and hoped he understood my concern.

That Monday, when I can home from classes, there was a gorgeous bouquet of white tulips sitting on the dining room table.

I went into the kitchen to greet Bella.

"From Jake?" I questioned, tilting my head in the direction of the flowers, though it really didn't seem his style.

"They're for you."

"But who would...?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe your boyfriend?" Bella smirked at me, but her voice was full of subtle enthusiasm and hope.

I walked to the table and snatched the card from the holder.

It read: "I'm sorry you're in love with such a jackass."

I wasn't ready to see him, but I needed to respond, give him a sign, to let him know. So I did the cowardly thing and pulled out my phone, sending him a text that read "Never be sorry for that. I know I'm not."

He didn't send me a text back, but I still felt a little lighter. I didn't know if he was doing anything to work through his problems, but I at least hoped that he would be willing to let me in. I didn't know what it would take, but I knew that it was beyond my control. I could love him, support him, and gently push him to get the help he needed, but I couldn't fix him. So, I had been doing some research about all the programs available at the university, and I was accumulating a list of emails addresses and numbers that he could contact. I just hoped he would be willing to listen to me without feeling judged. He was so worried about me or anyone else seeing him as weak; I didn't know how willing he would be to ask for help from a stranger.

Alice and I had classes at the same time on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we always walked back home together. She came up to my apartment with me, likely in the hopes that Bella and I would feed her. When we got inside there was another bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table, this time purple hyacinths. With it there was a small gift bag and a card. I couldn't contain my curiosity, so I opened the bag first. Inside were two pounds of my favorite coffee. He knew me so well.

I opened the card. It read: "I don't mind weepin' if it'll keep you by my side."

When I laughed, Alice snatched the card out of my hands.

"Why is that funny?"

"It's a line from "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." I hummed a few bars of the Temptations tune for her.

"Aw," Bella read the card over Alice's shoulder. "Jake needs to take a few lessons from Jasper."

"You have to call him now," Alice said with finality.

"I'm not ready yet, and I don't think he is either," I wanted to rush over to him now, but something was holding me back.

"But, he's begging for you!"

"I don't expect you to understand. I'll just know when we're both ready, and it's not tonight."

Alice sighed, but didn't question me. Jasper and Alice were so close; he would have said something to her if he had intentions for our reunion to be tonight.

So the three of us had dinner together, and we successfully avoided conversations regarding my relationship. Soon after, Alice went back to her apartment to do homework. Bella headed off to Jake's for the evening. I watched a little TV before going to bed happier than I had in nearly two weeks, knowing that I wouldn't have to sleep alone much longer.

When I got home from my long afternoon lab on Wednesday, I was exhausted.

There was a tall, narrow gift bag and a wrapped box next to it waiting outside my door. There was a card taped to the box. Again, I opened the packages first, still outside, shivering slightly. Inside the tall bag was bottle of champagne, and in the box were two beautiful, etched champagne flutes that had Alice written all over them. I couldn't help but smile to myself as I finally opened the card.

It read: "To 375 Days of Near Bliss." He had remembered. I idly wondered if today's date would become or new anniversary, or if we would always celebrate every 375 days instead of every year. The fact that I could entertain those thoughts once again made me realize that I was ready.

And the champagne showed that he was ready.

I gathered the packages and carried them inside.

I changed into a pair of slim-fitting jeans that I only wore when I was out in public with Jasper to drive him crazy. I paired them with a soft baseball tee that he had insisted on buying for me. I went into the kitchen and transferred the champagne, chilled from sitting outside, and glasses into a shopping bag, throwing in a box of strawberries from the fridge for good measure. Then, I threw on my leather jacket and headed over to Jasper's apartment.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

It swung open and there was my Adonis. It was as if seeing him for the first time.

The moment he opened the door, he fell to his knees before me, wrapping his arms around my waist so tightly, I thought he might cut me in half. When he actually started to cut off my circulation, I bent forward slightly, setting the bag I was carrying down. I put my hands under his arms, trying to lift him up.

"Thank you for the flowers and the champagne," I said softly, breaking the silence.

"I missed our anniversary."

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Yes, it was," he was solemn.

"Well, that upset me the least out of any of it."

"I know," his voice was barely above a whisper now; he hung his head as he led me to the couch. "How did I let this happen again, Ed?"

"It's not all your fault."

"Don't you dare blame yourself for any of this. I love how dedicated you are to your schoolwork and your goals, don't you know that?"

"But, you think that I want you to be the same way, and that's not it at all."

"You don't want a dedicated, hard-working, successful man who is happy with what he is doing with his life?"

"Stop there. The last part."

"-who is happy with what he is doing with his life?" he repeated.

"I want you to be happy."

"I'm happy when I'm with you."

"It's not enough though, is it?"

"Well, no. I don't want to be dependent on you to feel like my life is worthwhile."

"Please let me in to that head of yours, Jasper Hale." I had to say it, "I'm never too busy to talk to you, you know. If something's bothering you- well, I just wish that you would talk to me instead of the bottom of a beer bottle."

He looked as if I had slapped him in the face, and I immediately wanted to rescind what I said even though it was true. I opened my mouth to apologize, but he cut me off.

"No," he said quietly. "I deserved that. Everything you said that night, Ed, was true. I was trying to make myself numb. If I didn't think about it, then it would go away."

The words "classic avoidance behavior" were on my lips, but I clamped my mouth shut.

"I know what you're thinking, Ed," Jasper laughed. "And just so you know, from now on I think I'm only going to drink champagne, and only when we're celebrating something."

I leaned into kiss him. His lips immediately parted, and we made slow work of reacquainting ourselves with the feel of the other's lips and tongue. I could sense my hornier side wanting to get ahead of the conversation we desperately needed to have, so I forced myself to end the kiss and broke away.

"I have to ask you something, love, and please don't get mad at me for this. I just have to know. You started pulling away even more during winter break. Did something happen with your family?"

Jasper sighed.

"Not exactly," he began. "It's all my doing, not theirs. It just felt like every single relative in my entire extended family asked me what I was majoring in and what my plans were for after graduation. There's no greater conversation killer with people you only see twice a year than to say that you're undecided, and you have no idea what you are going to after graduation. It's not something you could really understand."

I tried not to be hurt by his words, because he was right.

"It got to the point where I just started making shit up to keep the disappointed, disapproving looks from their faces. I mean, half my family doesn't understand why I didn't go into the marines. I'm sure more than a few of them think that my being gay is a tarnished spot on the family record. My aunt even suggested to me that liking boys is just a phase I'll grow out of. So, not only am I the bad seed because of my sexuality, I can't even redeem myself by being driven or successful."

I pulled him toward me so he could sit between my legs and I could wrap my arms around him as he leaned back into my chest.

"What kinds of things did you make up?" I asked, trying to add a light moment into the conversation.

"Oh, I started out with boring things like accounting and marketing - things no one could really ask me anything else about. Then, I told some of my cousins I wasn't at liberty to discuss my plans with anyone, and then mouthed "N.S.A." to them. I think I told the same aunt who said I was going through a phase that I was actually enrolled in cosmetology school and not a 4-year university just to see the look on her face. Eventually I got really fed up, and I told the most conservative of my uncles that my boyfriend was going to be a doctor and I was going to be a homemaker and take care of our kids."

I laughed at Jasper's sense of humor and realized I wasn't as frightened as I should have been hearing Jasper utter the words "our kids." I wasn't ready to have that conversation yet though, so I steered the topic away from it.

"You know maybe you shouldn't focus so much on wanting something to make you happy and just take things a day at a time."

"Mmm," was his response, and I realized Jasper's focus was no longer on our conversation.

His eyes met mine, and I knew I was a goner.

He kept his gray-blue gaze locked with mine as he rose from his seat, only to settle himself on the floor between my legs. He smiled seductively at me, and I knew I was in for it. Jasper seemed to get off on teasing me, and if pressed, I would probably admit to enjoying the hell out of it too. The sweet and slow torture of his perfectly planned touches was both terribly infuriating and terrifically erotic.

He slowly unbuttoned my jeans, letting his tongue follow my happy trail as he did so. I raised my hips so he could slide them off me; he smirked at my lack of underwear. Once the offending article was removed from my body, he ghosted his hands up my legs; his feather-light touch driving me wild. He lowered his face into the promised land, but I knew better. This was just a tease. He complied with my intuition and turned his head to suck gently on my inner thigh. He mimicked this feat over and over; each time moving infinitesimally closer to where I wanted him most. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I felt his warm breath on my scrotum. I could almost feel the moisture of his mouth as he got closer and closer. Finally I felt the tip of his tongue on my sack as he licked sensuously around my left nut and then the right; then continued his light tracing up the length of my shaft. He circled around the head and trailed across the slit.

He looked up at me and grinned, knowing full well how crazy he was driving me.

But, he still wasn't finished with his taunting.

His lips travelled back south, gently wrapping around each of my balls. Continuing his journey, he pressed his tongue against my taint. I tilted my hips up to give him access to my entrance and he complied by tracing around the rim, bringing his fingers up to spread me a little before dipping his tongue in.

I had been trying to mute my responses so as not to encourage him too much in his game, but it felt so good, my loud moan was completely involuntary.

Again, right when I thought I was going to combust from desire, he came up for air, and then began to wrap his soft lips around my straining erection.

It felt like every nerve ending in my body had been awakened.

Holding back my verbal response was now entirely impossible.

He continued his almost painfully slow movements. He took my cock entirely in his mouth and pulled up slowly, licking his way as he went up, bringing me almost completely out of his mouth. Then he would repeat the action, sucking hard enough to create the feeling of a vacuum around me.

I needed a distraction, or I was going to explode on the fifth pass.

I started to shift my body until I was lying down completely on the couch. Jasper sensed what I was doing and briefly stopped his ministrations to free himself of his own clothing. He quickly returned to hover over me on the couch; his own glorious hardness hanging over my mouth right where I wanted it.

I licked up and down getting it wet. Then I reached my hands to grab his perfect ass, using my grip to guide his positively swollen mass down into my mouth. I focused on performing my own ministrations instead of the building sensations between my legs. We were so in tune with one another, we quickly fell into a slow rhythm. I mimicked his pace. First, taking him deep and swallowing around the head when his cock was at the back of my throat. Then, guiding his hips up until my lips wrapped around his head, only to plunge his hips back down.

I could tell he was close, and I had been on the fucking edge since he unbuttoned my jeans. Suddenly, he stopped. He sat up and leaned back on the arm of the couch with his knees on either side of my head. He gazed down at me.

"Make love to me. I need you," his voice was calm but his eyes were pleading.

I groaned at the loss of his lips around my dick, but I couldn't deny him, or myself, the pleasure of feeling his tight walls around me.

He pulled me up from my reclined position and we walked hand-in-hand to his bedroom.

My favorite position was generally any incarnation of doggy-style, so I could get as deep as possible into Jasper's tight ass, but right now I needed to see him. I needed to watch him as we brought each other to the height of ecstasy.

So, I pressed him down into the bed, reveling in the feeling of our bodies so close. It had been nearly two weeks since we had last been intimate, and though that wasn't a very long amount of time, it was enough to heighten the passion between us exponentially.

Our love-making was gentle and slow. I savored the feeling of being inside him, with his legs wrapped around my waist urging me forward. Our lips barely separated from each other's, only to occasionally let a moan escape. The love we had for each other was palpable as our glistening bodies were united into one.

He looked so beautiful when he came I nearly cried, and after my own release, I lost control and let a tear or two escape.

It was all at once a catharsis, a union, and a promise.

I had never felt as close to Jasper as I did then.

We were lying side by side, exhausted. The only parts touching were our hands interlaced between us.

"Come to England with me," I blurted out.

"I've probably missed the deadline," his voice wistful.

"I'm sure you can charm your way around it. It might be good, you know, to get away. I can help you with the application tomorrow," I stopped myself. "I mean, I don't want to push you or anything, you should definitely not do this if it's not something you really want, but people do always say that it's a good experience..." I trailed off when I saw Jasper's silent laughter.

Earlier in the semester, I had tried to convince Jasper to fill out the study abroad application with me. I had been accepted into the program at Oxford, but it was only after Jasper began to shut me out when I seriously considered going without him.

"And this doesn't have anything to do with you not wanting to be apart from me for ten weeks?" He was teasing, but there was truth in his words.

I sighed.

"What?"

"Do you ever worry that without our physical connection, I don't know, our relationship suffers?"

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Edward," he buried his face in his hands. "After winter break with me starting to lose control and shutting you out; you must have thought I was just using you for... oh, wow, I really am a jackass."

He turned his head to look at me, and I could see the genuine sorrow in his eyes.

"Of course I'm always going to be attracted to you, Ed; it's like a base need I have to touch you. But more than that, I'm just... better when I'm around you. It's because I love you; because you compliment me; because you're my other half. Really, I'm only half of me without you, but I have never once worried that I was dependent on you like that. We could survive ten weeks apart, easy. I mean, it's not like we have to wait for letters to travel by ship across the Atlantic anymore. We're so much stronger than that, even when I'm being a complete fuck-up."

He turned on his side toward me, propping himself up on his elbow, and began to trace circles across my chest.

"You're the only one I'm ever going to want. I don't know how I know, but I do. As surely as I know the sun is going to rise every morning."

Now, I was crying.

Jasper turned to face me, "Don't cry, babe."

"You've turned me into such a sap, Jasper. I just- I just love you so much."

He pulled me to him as he rolled onto his back and wrapped his arms around me, letting me shed my tears onto his lovely torso. I was beginning to drift out of consciousness when his hushed voice murmured in my ear,

"Okay, let's do it. I'll fill out the application tomorrow."

I smiled, because I knew he didn't want to be apart from me either.

A/N: For the record, I don't own "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" either... but Berry Gordy kinda owns a piece of my soul. (A link to the song is on my profile.) Any other Motown fans out there?