Chapter 7

I sat in a tall pine tree in the woods thinking, meditating. The Cullen's had been great to me but I couldn't get over Edward's reaction. It was the middle of the next day and he hadn't shown any sign of any emotion. He welcomed me. What if he doesn't actually know? Maybe he just doesn't care. What will happen if I tell him? I rubbed my head; I had no idea what to do. If I was human I may have gotten a headache. I decided to try to remember more about my human life and what had happened with Edward so I began to meditate.

I began to see small flashbacks, pictures of my human life. I let them come and spurred them to become more. The first thing that came to me was one of my early human memories, I only remembered because of the pain. I was 6 years old and I had sliced my middle finger's tendon open on barbed wire. The blood trickled quickly down my hand and I smeared it all over myself. My hair was a mess, flying everywhere as I screamed at my brother to go get my mother. My face was red and my emerald eyes showed shock and terror. I rubbed my left fingers without knowing back out of my memories. I pushed this thought away wanting to see later parts of my life. I could see a glimpse of my whole mother's family on a boat together riding across the ocean in New England. All of my cousins were having a great time; I was in 5th grade when this happened. I saw 14-year-old human-self on a Georgia beach with my friends after graduating 8th grade. We were talking, and watching nearby boys as we walked through the wet sand in our dresses. My parents were up near the dunes calling us to come for lunch. I pushed this memory away also focusing on Edward and when I was 17.

I saw Edward and me, holding hands walking through the town with a few of my cousins and friends coming along as well. There were two couples aside from us in the bunch. It was a foggy day and therefore Edward obviously didn't have to worry about vampire things, like reflecting light from his body. The entire group seemed happy even Edward who flashed a crooked smile at me. We went passed stores and restaurants and headed to the lake. One of my male cousins held a picnic basket. It was a pleasant memory. The water was very cold that day but Edward gave me his towel when we stopped swimming. The food was delicious and Edward didn't take his eyes off me the whole time we were there.

I next saw myself sitting under a tree in Canada leaning against Edward's side. It was lat summer in 1943, just before I was changed. We were both wearing typical '40's attire. We were in a forest where I could just see the trail far off in the distance. The light filtered through the leaves falling on Edward in a way that made him look like an angel. It was a breezy day; the crisp air had chilled my human body. Edward had thought it was his cold skin, it did add to the cold but I would never admit it. I could recall bits of our conversation. We were at first talking happily. I said things like "This has been the best summer ever." Edward would agree and we would sit in silence for a while before we exchanged another few words. We were mainly just enjoying each others company.

"I don't want to leave you," I murmured.

"You don't have to," Edward whispered.

"How is that possible? I have to go back home to school." He kissed the top of my head and smoothed my hair.

"I could come with you," he said quietly. I grinned thinking he wouldn't and couldn't but hoping all the same that he would.

"That would be amazing!" He smiled at me happy that I was happy. "What would my parents say if you just showed up in our town at my school?"

"Would it matter?" he breathed into my ear as he pulled me into his lap.

"No," I breathed back turning to face him, straddling his waist in the process. Our faces were so close and the last thing I remembered was looking into his dark gold eyes. This was my last human memory ever.

I came out of my trance, out of my memories. They were filled with joy and sorrow all at once. The memories were a rainbow of emotions. I tried not to think of the pain from my transformation that had occurred shortly after that memory. My insides felt like they were on fire being slowly ripped apart by the flames. The flames licked at all my bones and muscles making the pain unbearable. I didn't want to remember that so I focused on the nature around me, the leaves dancing in the wind, the trees swaying rhythmically, and the sounds of nature. After clearing my mind I tried to figure out what happened to us after that. Edward hadn't hunted in a while; I know that now from his eye color in the memory. He had never told me he was a vampire, though he had good reason. At that time I had wanted to kiss him very badly, if we did it would be our fist real one. In our relationship we had kissed but never really made out. We may have in the end but I would never know. The only way to be sure of what happened would be to ask Edward. No fing way am I asking him. I don't know how he'll react but it can't be good. I rocked back and forth on the tree branch unsure of what to do. What if we made out, what could have happened? What if he never really liked me and wouldn't make out with me? Towards the end I had started to believe he loved me. He probably never did.

I went back to my fist vampire memory; those were easy to see because vampires didn't forget anything. It was crisp in my mind as if it had happened moments ago. I had been thrashing around on the floor of the forest trying to put the nonexistent fire out. One of my cousins had come to look for me and I heard her calling my name and Edward's but her voice seemed very far away when she was actually only about 10 feet from me. She had heard the trashing in the trees and come off the trail to find me there. She was horrified, and thought I may be having a seizure. She frantically tried to do something; she tried to stop my thrashing to no avail. She called my name and I tried to answer, to break through the fog. I told her to put out the fire but she didn't understand. After the pain of the change had subsided I didn't know what to do. I could hardly remember anything except for my name, the pain and my cousin. She was there sitting beside me, fresh tears lingered on her face. I was in the forest still, after the transformation, when I realized that something must be wrong. I sat up to face her, Carolyn's face brightened, but all she could do was stare at me.

"Carolyn, what happened?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing," she replied sniffling.

"I-I'm not sure. I just remember the pain… like a fire." She nodded.

"You look really pale, and tired," she observed. I looked at my hand and indeed I was almost white, my fingers looked longer too. Carolyn kept staring horrified at my eyes. They were bright purple I knew now. My eyes were never red like other vampires.

"I am. I wonder why." Carolyn shrugged.

"What happened to Edward?"

"Edward?" I thought I couldn't remember, I could barely remember him at all, "I-I'm not sure. I don't remember. He was with me?" She nodded solemnly.

"He probably went for help."

"Ya. I feel really strange."

"Are you hurt? Can you walk?"

"I don't think so, I don't see any scratches. Let me try to walk."

"Alright, I'll help you." I stood and Carolyn stood next to me ready to hold me if I faltered. I walked a few steps and felt stronger than ever.

"Actually, I don't feel very weak at all," I told her. She still looked worried.

"That's a relief," She paused looked my over and said, "You look taller."

"Do I? I can't tell. I can't remember that much."

"You probably hit your head. Try not to talk too much, you're weak." I nodded and Carolyn led me along the path to our home. My throat was throbbing.

I came out of the memory; I had never seen or heard from Edward again. Now I had found him and I didn't even know what really happened between us. Well it looks like Edward's the one who changed me. He must have bit me. But did we kiss? I should go ask him. I had no idea what to do; I thought I could go see one of the others. Alice might help, or Carlisle, or Esme. Carlisle might get mad and then Edward might react badly. How the hell am I supposed to know what to do! I leaped off my perch; my sweatpants scraped against the branch and I heard it tear a hole in the thigh. I turned to see the damage. I guess Alice will have her way after all. I'm going to need some new clothes. I sighed; shopping was not something I usually enjoyed. As I went back to the house I ran into Emmet.

"Hey, have you seen Alice?" I asked.

"I think she's with Jasper in Port Angeles," he replied.

"That's too bad. Do you know when she'll be home?"

"Well it's not like they're going to stay for dinner." We both chuckled.

"OK then, if you see her tell her I wanted to see her."

"Sure. O and sorry about Rose before, she didn't really mean it." I grinned at him to show that I didn't really care.

"That's alright, see you later," I called as we went our separate ways. I came out of the dense woods and looked at the huge white house. It looked very out of place in the lush green landscape. The Cullen's home was modern and everything inside was only a prop. Vampires didn't need many things to survive. As I entered the house Esme and Rosalie turned from their discussion in the kitchen.

"Hey, what's new?" I asked.

"We were actually just talking about Emmet and Rose's trip to Africa, they're going to go back," Esme stated.

"Really? Where are you planning on going?" I asked Rose.

"Well we haven't figured the whole thing out yet but we're starting in Egypt. First we're going to visit different spots along the Nile into Sudan. We are also going to stay in the Congo a while," Rosalie told me. Well she's not being mean or rude now. Maybe she has mood swings, major ones.

"That sounds really interesting, Egypt is very cool. I hope you guys have a good time when you go."

"Thanks, if you have any suggestions of other places to go just tell me," Rose said nicely. This is starting to be weird, her niceness.

"You've been to Egypt?" Esme asked

"Yep. I didn't get to stay very long. I didn't get to see and do everything I wanted either. I was a shame really; I mainly stayed in the Cairo and Nile delta area. I got to see a lot of new things in that area though." They both nodded. This whole family has been everywhere! They have a lot of money and can do stuff like that. Vampires don't have to pay for food or anything so we usually do have more. I am not loaded like them; I don't really have a job. I started to walk away from them but Rosalie stopped me.

"You want to come with me to Port Angles? I have to get a couple accessories in town." Now I'm kind of freaked, she's inviting me somewhere!

"I guess so. Are you going now?" She nodded. "Can I change my pants first, I ripped them." Esme and Rosaline both looked me over, looking for the tear. I turned to show them. They giggled and Esme waved me upstairs. I changed into kakis that made my butt look good and shoved some money into the pocket. I was downstairs again in half a minute. Rosaline was in her very expensive car in the driveway. I opened the spotless door and slid into the passenger seat. Rosalie smiled.

"Ever been in a car this fast?" I looked at the speedometer, it went up to 200. I shook my head.

"Never."

"Well than this is going to be fun."