Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters... but I do throw lame dialog from the movies into my writing.

A/N: I really and truly do appreciate all of you for reading, alerting, reviewing, and for loving my version of these boys. Please excuse any grammar errors in this chapter... I was serious about posting "in the very, very near future..."

Senior year of college was flying by.

After Emmett and Rosalie's wedding, the rest of the summer seemed to vaporize. Jasper passed both his classes, and the library was so pleased with his work, they offered to keep him during the school year but with reduced hours.

We were even able to take a week to ourselves before classes started back in August.

One of the highlights of the week was seeing Marcus and Demetri. They were on their holiday from university and had come to the states. They mostly spent time in California, but they went out of their way to come up to Seattle to visit us for a couple days. So, of course, we had to show them a good time.

For some reason, Marcus got it in his head that he wanted to go to a gay club. Jasper and I never went clubbing. I had gone once or twice to the gay-friendly club near campus my freshman year, but it just wasn't for me. I didn't really like crowds, for one, but most of the guys in places like that were looking to hookup. I was already taken care of in that department, now. Not to mention, since Jasper didn't drink, we tended to avoid places like bars and clubs. No matter how many times he insisted that he was okay around people drinking, it still made me uncomfortable. I didn't think Jasper would be tempted, it just didn't really feel right to me, being in such a different frame of mind from everyone else in the club.

But, we couldn't say 'no' to our friends when they crossed an ocean to come visit.

Even I had noticed that by default, it seemed like European men were more well-dressed and put together than most straight, American men. Marcus and Demetri were no exception and told us that since coming to the states they had gotten both hit on and called "faggot" so many times they lost count. Even so, when they both announced that they were ready to head out for the evening, I just about died.

They were both wearing skin tight jeans and vests. No shirts. Just vests.

Where Marcus's was a pinstriped vest that looked like it was nicked from a three-piece suit, Demetri's was black and leather.

Jasper and I both stared at them agog.

No one could ever hold a candle to Jasper in the sexiness department, but they both looked damn good.

"You know you're both going to be pulling guys off you, right?" I groaned.

"If anyone tries to drag us down to the sex dungeon, we'll just say we are together, no?" Marcus raised an eyebrow at Demetri.

Jasper just shook his head and laughed.

"I don't think there's a sex dungeon, but if you want people to think you're together, you'll have to be convincing."

They both shrugged.

The club was crowded when we got there. The walls were nearly shaking with the beat of house music, and the floor was packed with sweating, writhing, scantily clad bodies. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and sex. Marcus and Demetri both seemed completely not phased by the action taking place on the dance floor. Jasper and I were more taken in by it.

Unfortunately, a lot of eyes were on us the further was got inside the club. Jasper was just wearing faded jeans that were low slung on his hips and a tight, white t-shirt, but he looked absolutely fuckable.

I was obviously not the only one who thought so.

I felt Jasper's body press against mine almost as soon as we found a small table to take in the scene from. He wrapped his arms around me from behind as a waiter wearing nothing but a pair of very short shorts and a bow tie came to take our drink orders.

"You are too sexy for your own good," he whispered in my ear, after insisting to the waiter that he just wanted a soda. His hands slid down the front of my body until his fingertips skimmed underneath the waistband of my jeans.

It was Marcus's laughter that stopped them from drifting further down.

"You are going to fuck here," he said matter-of-factly.

"If I'm lucky," Jasper replied with a nod.

I didn't know whether to blush or moan.

Luckily Marcus continued to laugh at us while Demetri just shook his head.

After a round of drinks, we decided to hit the dance floor. It didn't take long before I gave into the beat and the music and the bodies around me. Jasper's hand never left me as we moved in tandem, our hips were practically connected as we danced to the pulsing music. Other men approached us as we danced, but it eventually became obvious that we weren't there to play.

I was turned with my back to Jasper's chest, circling my hips against the hardness in his jeans, when a big bear came up and tried to sandwich me between himself and Jasper. I didn't have a problem when someone danced with us, but this wasn't dancing. The bulky man was trying to grind his dick into mine. Jasper growled at the intrusion, and I could see him about ready to push the bigger man away. Instead I just spun around quickly, threw my arms around Jasper's neck, and pressed my entire body up against his.

Jasper just smirked and leaned in for a kiss.

Once we came up for air, the bear was gone.

I really did try to keep an eye on our friends, but I was getting distracted, and anyway, they seemed to be enjoying the attention they were receiving. I tried to imagine any of my other straight friends in this setting, and I couldn't do it. But, the energy pulsing around in the club was almost hypnotic. Other than the few overly eager, most of the men on the dance floor were just looking for a catharsis.

Jasper and I, however, were both obviously seeking a different kind of release.

"I want your dick in my mouth," he muttered into my ear.

I didn't need any other prodding. I grabbed his hand tightly and pulled him off the floor. I scanned the room quickly, trying to remember where the men's room was. I remembered there being one on the second floor, so I hurried toward the stairs dodging elbows and hips and feet along the way.

Once we reached the destination, I banged the swinging door open.

Inside, there were two men wrapped around each other in a heated makeout session.

They didn't seem to notice us, and frankly, I didn't care at this point. I swear they must pump pheromones into the air, or something. If I'd had more to drink than the "cum shot" Marcus made me order, I'd swear I was drunk.

I grabbed Jasper and pressed my lips hard against his, one hand firmly around the back of his neck. He gave into my assault easily and started walking backward until I heard his body collide with a stall door.

We nearly toppled over as we entered the stall, but once we regained our balance, Jasper took control and had me pressed up against the side wall, his lips ravaging my neck.

I couldn't contain my moans as Jasper started pushing my shirt away and attacking my nipples with his tongue and teeth. I was trying to put my hands everywhere I could. Eventually, I settled for trying to open Jasper's button fly. I was fumbling around like a horny teenager when Jasper finally stepped back, releasing my nipple. His gaze burned into mine; then, he rake his eyes down to my hard on pushing against my denim.

"I want you so fucking bad," Jasper murmured, still looking at my crotch.

I started to reach for my zipper when he sprung back into action, swatting my hands away and taking over. My cock literally sprang out of my jeans. I was so hard, I almost heard a cartoon spring noise as it bounced free. Jasper licked his lips and was obviously about to kneel down when he paused.

I watched as he took a look at the floor by my feet, and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

Favorite jeans? Dirty bathroom floor?

He looked up at me with a mix of desire and disgust.

I finally put him out of his misery and spun him around, sinking to my knees and releasing the final button of his fly.

"Ed, what are-?"

I took a deep mouthful of his cock, effectively silencing his protest.

I sucked his dick deep into the back of my throat, running my tongue along the underside. He was salty and musky, but his taste and his scent was designed for me, and I couldn't get enough. I was on sensory overload, and hearing the couple making out on the other side of the bathroom stall only spurned me on further. I was being slurpy and messy as I licked and sucked Jasper with abandon. He started thrusting his hips forward in a steady rhythm, and I knew he wouldn't be much longer. I couldn't handle how turned on I was getting any longer, so I took my right hand and grabbed my own dick and began pumping.

"Edward. Edward, Ed-" he chanted.

I looked up to meet his stormy eyes. He glanced down at my right hand, fisting my cock, then his eyes widened and rolled back, his head made a soft "thud" against the stall. I felt him tense, and with a muttered "damn, so fucking sexy, can't, can't-" hot cum starting spurting into my mouth.

I felt a hand on my arm as Jasper leaned forward to help me up. As soon as I was standing, he crashed his lips against mine and starting penetrating my mouth with his tongue. Meanwhile, his hand joined mine and together we stroked my hardness. I always came quicker than usual when we were in public, and this time was no different. With the taste of Jasper's release still on my tongue, and his body pressed up against mine. It wasn't long before I came with a cry against Jasper's lips.

When we cleaned up and returned to the main area of the club, I tried to look for Demetri. Being taller, he would be easier to spot than Marcus. Eventually, I spotted his head of shaggy black hair being grinded on by two blond boys who looked like they were in seventh heaven and not a day over 18. Demetri, on the other hand, looked like he was finally reaching his limit.

I looked at Jasper and raised an eyebrow. He nodded.

We both squared our shoulders and strutted toward Demetri.

Eventually, he saw us coming and looked like he was going to break out into a run toward us, but I just winked at him and shook my head. Jasper reached him first and huffed a loud, "Excuse me" to the twink who was attempting to grind his dick into Demetri's ass. He looked startled and gazed up at Jasper in awe. Then, he nodded with a sigh and turned around to survey the rest of the dance floor. The blond who was practically humping Demetri's leg, on the other hand, looked up at Jasper and faltered for a moment before rolling his eyes and continuing to dance.

I stepped up on Demetri's other side, keeping in time with the beat as I attempted to gently push the twink away.

"Sorry, sweetie," I said, obviously not sorry at all. "This one is mine."

The blond stopped dancing and turned to face the three of us.

"I saw you earlier with him," he pointed to Jasper. "I know you're together."

"We like to open our bedroom up to other... flavors," Jasper said as he put his hand up to caress Demetri's chest.

Demetri was biting his lip in an effort not to laugh, but unfortunately, it only made him look shy and more than a little seductive.

The blond gave a lustful look at Demetri, then turned to look from me to Jasper and back to me.

He stamped his foot. "It's not fair! Just because you're hot you think you think you can get any guy in the club. You have each other! You don't need him!"

"Don't I get a choice in this?" Demetri raised his voice.

Blondie huffed at him and then spun around on his heel with a "Fine. The Euro-trash look is so played anyway."

"Well, the joke's on you!" Demetri called after him. "I'm not even gay! I'm Italian!"

He then put an arm around each of our shoulders, and kissed us both on the cheek.

"You are my heroes. My homosexual heroes."

"Now, where's Marcus?" Jasper asked.

I heard his laugh before I saw him, mostly because he was doubled over and hidden from my direct line of vision.

"I thought you were going to be taken into a bathroom stall like our American friends, here!"

Demetri just rolled his eyes at Marcus and we left the club without incident.

Other than almost getting into a bar fight the next night after someone made a completely unwarranted slight against Marcus's mother, the rest of our mini-break was relaxing.

I was lulled into a false sense of security.

The reality of senior year came crashing down on me eventually.

I had a meeting with my adviser the first week of classes to talk about grad school, and it brought me back down to earth. There was so much work that went into applications – letters of recommendation, statements of intent, transcripts, MCAT scores. But first, I had to decide what programs to apply to.

I was sitting at my desk in our office at home, wading my way through all my research on dual degree programs. I had no intention of practicing medicine, I just wanted to do research. Unfortunately, this meant I had very specific criteria when looking for schools.

The University of Washington had a good MD/PhD program, but it wouldn't look good for me to have all my degrees from the same school. You needed to show diversity and an ability to work with different researchers and situations.

I could narrow my list down in a lot of ways. For one thing, I was a West-Coaster. Even though Alice and I were born in Chicago, where my dad went to school, I was so young when we moved that I never felt any kinship with the Midwest. We hadn't been back since we moved to Forks, and my memories of it were very dim.

And the East Coast? Forget about it. There was no way I was going to be near an area where a hurricane could reach me.

I just couldn't leave the Pacific Ocean behind entirely.

Even so, it wasn't going to be an easy decision. Wherever I ended up going would change the course of my entire life.

Once I had looked at all the information from my adviser and done some extensive research online, I determined that in all likelihood, I was going to end up somewhere in California. Knowing that much, I finally had to confront the thing that was holding me back from making a decision and narrowing down my list – Jasper. I hadn't told my adviser that my choices depended on my partner's future plans as well. But, in reality, it certainly complicated matters.

Jasper was always really supportive of my plans for the future, and I was of his, especially after he finally made the important decision to pursue History. No one in his family, even Rosalie, really understood Jasper's motivation and dedication. The problem was that both of us were planning on furthering our education, and there was no guarantee that we would wind up in the same city, let alone the same school.

I knew that we could do long distance if we had to, but it would be hard.

Not being able to wake up next to Jasper every morning, or to curl up next to him on the couch after a long day. Not to be able to steal a kiss whenever I wanted, or to discuss how to deal with a homophobic co-worker. Not to see that look in his eye when I knew he wanted me so much he was just going to take me wherever we were.

How could I possibly live without him?

My heart started to race.

Shit. I didn't need this.

My chest started to tighten, and I was gasping for breath.

I knew I was having a panic attack, but I couldn't stop it. When I tried to take deep breaths, they came out as strangled pants.

I'm not sure how long it lasted, all I knew was that I was going to die – that everything in the world was going to collapse on top of me.

Jasper found me curled up in ball on our bed, sobbing and shaking.

I didn't register his presence immediately, but I heard a gasp and felt the bed dip right before strong arms wrapped around me.

"Ed? Ed, what's wrong, baby?"

"M- m- med school applications," I spit out.

I started clutching at Jasper for dear life. The drowning sensation was starting to resurge, and Jasper was my life boat.

"Can't go without you," I said as I buried my face in his chest.

His posture tensed. He didn't speak for a few minutes, instead resting his cheek on the top of my head and stroking my back, until I stopped shaking and my breathing returned to normal.

"That's what has you worried?" He whispered against my hair.

I nodded.

"That I won't follow you wherever you go?"

There was a tightness in his voice that I didn't like. I could feel him taking slow deep breaths as if he were trying to calm himself down.

"No, no, no. It's not like that, Jazz," I was taken aback by his question. He had it all wrong, so I tried to think of the right way to put it. It seemed that regardless of what I said, Jasper was going to react badly. What I wasn't sure of was why. "You're just a part of my decision. My choice depends on what you're doing next year."

He didn't respond.

I gave him a few minutes before I asked, "Jazz?"

"Can we talk about this later?" His voice was stiff.

"Of course," I whispered. I wanted to push him on it, but I just couldn't deal with it right then. Instead, Jasper helped put me to bed and we clung to each other until we both drifted off into restless sleep.

After that night, though, things were tense between us, and I wasn't exactly sure why.

I kept thinking of what Jasper had said to me that night. I went over all of our conversations about the future we had had recently. I was only able to determine that there was no way he could think that I expected him to follow me, or that I didn't want his input on my decision process.

I tried to bring it up a few times. I wanted to talk to Jasper about where I was applying, and I wanted to know what his plans were for after graduation. But, every time I tried to bring it up, he would freak out or change the subject awkwardly.

I went to Alice for counsel.

"I know that he's planning on applying to grad schools, but he won't talk to me about it," I explained to her.

"He's probably just worried about getting in himself."

"But, I don't even know where he's applying! I know he got good GRE scores, but he won't talk to me about it. We agreed to stay near the West Coast, but I don't know what his top choices are or where he'll get funding or even if he thinks he'll get in anywhere. Ali, what if he gets in somewhere that's not close to where I get in? What if he gets in to somewhere I don't?"

"Edward, there's no way you won't get in to the schools you're applying to."

I knew that wasn't true. I was planning on applying to highly competitive programs, but I let Alice voice her confidence in me.

"So, why is he pulling away from me? I want us to make this decision together. I don't expect him to just follow me around. Why would he think that? Does he really still feel emasculated about me wanting to be a doctor?"

"I don't think it's that exactly, Edward. He wants to go with you. I know he does. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Did you ever think that maybe he's scared that you don't want him to?" Alice retorted.

"That doesn't make any sense. Why would he ask if I was worried about him not following me? He sounded like he thought I just assumed he would." I was starting to get exasperated.

"He's devaluing himself, Edward. He would follow you, but he doesn't want to do it if it means that he can't stand on his own."

"But, I never-"

"It's nothing you did or didn't do," Alice cut me off. "He needs to work through it on his own. For all he's grown the last four years, he's still trying to figure out who he is."

I knew there was some truth in it. I just didn't like it.

"Well, he shouldn't push me away in the process," I pouted.

"Maybe not, but he does have to sort through some things."

I thought about everything Alice said, and it did make sense, but I couldn't help feeling a little resentful toward Jasper. He would go through the motions at home. He would kiss me and make love to me with nothing but sincerity. But, his eyes were far away most of the time. Like he was trying to watch his life from a third-party perspective and not really participate in it.

Then, one night, he wasn't home. I wasn't too worried at first, sometimes he worked late, or stropped by Paul and Jared's on his way home. But, Jasper would always call.

It was about 11 when I started really worrying.

I called Alice.

"He's not here," I blurted out.

"I know we're twins, but you're going to have to explain that a little more to me," Alice's voice was light, and I knew at once she was just trying to put me at ease.

"Jasper never came home."

"When was he supposed to back?"

"He always comes home right after work. If he stays late to work or hangs out with friends or something, he always calls. He's either hurt somewhere, or-" I sobbed. "He doesn't want to come home."

I was crying, now. Whatever Alice said didn't register to me.

I did hear a knock on the door a few minutes later, and felt Alice's arms wrap around me. She steered me into the living room and made me sit down on the couch as she rubbed my back comfortingly, while I continued to blubber, and she insisted that he was okay.

I tried to think about where he would go. Jasper hadn't pulled away from me like this for a long time. There was our break when he was trying to get himself together, but that was different. This was more like the time he was so preoccupied he forgot our anniversary.

It hit me then, I needed to look for a bar.

"I think I know where he is," I whispered to Alice.

I hopped off the couch and rushed into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. Once I looked less like I had been crying, I threw on a jacket and shoes.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alice asked, as she handed me my car keys.

"No, I'll be okay, Ali."

She nodded and walked me to my car. After giving my twin one last hug, I headed toward the row of bars nearest campus.

I knew he wouldn't have gone to any of the more crowded places, and none where there was dancing or drink specials or ladies nights going on. So, I started with the one that most like a dive.

That's exactly where I found him.

He was sitting on a bar stool, his hands wrapped around a glass of what looked like whiskey. His head was hanging down and his blond curls, which he had let grow out over the summer, were hiding his eyes. He looked so despondent, my anger and irritation subsided almost immediately.

I sat down on the stool beside him silently.

If he was alerted to my presence, he didn't acknowledge it immediately.

"I haven't drank any of it," eventually he spoke without looking up at me. His voice was dry and ragged. "I just wanted to feel it in my hands."

"I know," I said. I didn't know why I said it, other than that I knew it was true. I never fully understood Jasper's relationship to alcohol, but I think he appreciated something ritualistic about drinking. There was something about whiskey in particular that made it the object of country songs and the elixir of the downtrodden that he identified with.

"You ready to talk to me?" I asked quietly.

He turned to look at me then. His eyes were frantic as he searched mine. I don't know what he was looking for, but whatever it was, eventually he stopped and turned back to stare at the wall behind the bar.

"Not here," he said softly.

"You want to come home?" I asked softly.

He shook his head, "Not really, but I will."

"I'm not going to make you," I said, trying not to let my desperation show.

"No, it's okay, Ed. Trying to hide isn't going to make it go away."

He stood and nodded to the bartender, then he gestured for me to lead the way.

Once outside of the bar, he grabbed my hand and we walked silently to the car. We didn't speak on the short ride home.

I went into the kitchen when we got back. It seemed to be the best place, for some reason. There were a lot of good distractions in the kitchen, things to focus on and fidget with. I sat down on one of our bar stools. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and then sat next to me, mimicking the position we had started at the bar.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It would help if I knew what you were sorry for," I responded.

"I've been pulling away, and I didn't mean to. I just didn't know how to talk to you about what was going on," he blurted out in a rush.

"But why?"

He rolled the cap of the water bottle back and forth on the counter.

"Everything's going to change," he offered. "And, it scares me."

I knew how hard it was for Jasper to admit that.

"What's so scary about it?" I asked gently.

"I don't know. Everything, really. I always knew you were going to do this, but still, going to med school is huge step and it's so... adult and responsible, and I'm just sort of tagging along with you. Like you're moving forward, and I'm just treading water."

"I'm not moving on without you! It's not like you've never thought about your future. I'm trying to make decisions about our future together, but you won't talk to me!" I was struggling to keep my voice down.

"I'm sorry, Ed. I really didn't want to push you away. It's just- I guess- talking about it made everything I'm afraid of become more real."

"What is it that you're afraid of exactly?"

"What if I don't get in anywhere?" His voice was barely at a whisper.

"You will, Jasper. Don't think like that."

He was quiet for a moment, the wheels turning.

"Okay. So, what if I get in somewhere, and it's not where you want to go."

"I don't know," I whispered. I hadn't really wanted to honestly think about all these possibilities, either.

I put my elbows on the counter, resting my head in my hands. My thoughts were racing, and I couldn't take it anymore. I hopped up and started pacing. Jasper got up and stood in the doorway as he watched me make a loop from the kitchen, out into the living room and back. Eventually, I collapsed unceremoniously on the couch.

Jasper remained leaning in the doorway, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"So, this is what I've been thinking about for the past few weeks. Weighing all of this on my mind. I really am sorry for pulling away, but I didn't want you to influence my choice. You put too much pressure and guilt on yourself, and I didn't want that. But, I made a decision tonight. I'll just go wherever you go," Jasper's voice was hollow.

"Jasper-"

"Med school is more important." He kept going.

"Jasper-"

"I could always go back to grad school when I'm older or something."

"Jasper!" I so rarely raised my voice this much, it was enough to stop his ramble.

"What?" he looked nervous.

"Love," I said slowly, patting the cushion next to me.

He came over to me and sat.

"Don't you dare, for a second, think that my school is 'more important' than yours, because it's not, and I don't believe for a second that it is. We'll work something out. We'll do long distance if we have to. There's no way I'm losing us over this or making you put your plans on hold."

"You don't understand, Ed." Jasper's voice was strained. "I can't be away from you. If I can't go to grad school near wherever you go, I'll teach high school or something. In most states I just need to get my teaching certificate or take a course or two."

"I don't want you to give up, Jasper. You'd hate teaching high school."

"I'm not giving up. I'm not delusional, Ed. It's hard to get into grad school for history - really hard. You, on the other hand, are a shoe-in for an assistantship anywhere you apply. If I don't get in, I'll keep applying. Unless, you don't want me to come-"

"No!" I nearly shouted. "Jasper Hale, if I have my way, I'm going to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side. Except maybe when you visit your Uncle's ranch or go to some boring history conference."

He cracked a small smile.

"I just- I don't- I don't want you to resent me," I said quietly.

Jasper turned and cupped my face in his hands. He stared deeply into them, so I could see the truth in his words. "No. No. Being away from you would make me resent myself. I would feel like I was trying to prove myself out of defiance, and that's not what I want. You, Edward Cullen, for some crazy reason love me. If I know anything, I know that much. You own my heart. It's yours, and I can't be away from you. It doesn't make me weak or unambitious." He smiled then, and for the first time in weeks it set his eyes ablaze. "It might make me a hopeless romantic, but I can't seem to help myself around you."

His last words were muffled by a searing kiss as he leaned in to capture my lips.

I broke the kiss before I let myself get completely swept away.

"That's what I was trying to tell you, but I didn't have the words. It's not about you following me or me following you. It's about making decisions for our future together. I want you to help me make my decision when the time comes, because Jasper Hale, you are my life now."

When we made love that night, it was explosive. It was as if we couldn't bear even an inch of space between us. Our bodies were sweat-slicked and Jasper's weight on top of mine was making me so hot I thought I was going to ignite. And, it still wasn't close enough.

I had been so worried about choosing the right program and about Jasper's plans for himself that I didn't appreciate what really mattered. Jasper was more important to me than any of it. The fact that he was willing to go where I chose to go in the fall didn't make me feel at all like I was winning or getting my way, it felt like a tremendous act of love. An act I would gladly make for him in turn.

In the end, I applied to nearly all the UC schools, Stanford, USC and Oregon.

So did Jasper.

Now, all we had to do was wait.