Chapter 17

"Alice are you serious?" I asked while frowning.

"I have to go see Bella," She explained, working hard to keep a look of innocence.

"NOW? When I have to go face your family, and face Edward alone?" We were talking very quietly so that the vampires inside couldn't hear us.

"Bella's my best friend; I need to spend some time with her and make sure that she's safe."

Then it hit me. "You knew. You were planning this, to strand me here. You saw this and you didn't tell me!" I hissed. I threw my hands in the air, "You are the worst Alice! The absolute worst."

Alice widened her eyes and frowned cutely in an attempt at a puppy dog pout. "You don't mean that Gilly." I raised my eyebrows and she pouted. "Well I'm going anyway. Good luck here, don't worry you're not going to die." I grimaced and rolled my eyes at her and she pranced over to her car. She started then engine and was off, not quite as fast as Rose would have been.

I would have laughed at the irony of Alice's last statement had it not been this kind of situation. I guess I was going to have to face this sooner or later. I had hoped for it to be later, or never, but there was nothing I could do to avoid it now. I looked up at the big white house, then at the surrounding land. It was so beautiful. The lush green yard surrounded by tall trees of all sorts. I could pick out every leaf of every tree, every blade of grass all bursting with life. Stop stalling. Just go in. Don't do anything stupid. Just act like nothing ever happened. I sighed. I walked up to the door. I moved my hand to the door knob and paused for a second thinking about leaving. They already know I'm here, they can hear me. I have to go in. I opened the door, turning the smooth metal knob in my hand. I held my breath not knowing what to expect.

Esme was the only one in the room when I first walked through the door; she was bent over some floor plans. She smiled without looking up when I came in and gave me a little wave. I took a quick look around the downstairs, I heard Jasper in the kitchen. Doing what I could only wonder because what use would he have of the kitchen. I could hear Rose and Emmet upstairs in their room. Ew terrible, terrible mental image, they're on… gosh how can the others stand it. Edward was softly playing the piano, he didn't look up at me but he laughed when he heard my thought. I also heard Carlisle in his study flipping pages. I looked back to Esme, curious as to what she was working on.

"How are you Gill dear?" She asked me.

"Good thank you. How are you Esme?" I smiled at her; Esme was always so kind and motherly. She always worried about the welfare of others.

"I'm lovely. I'm just working on a new project, renovating a new house." I turned to look at the plan. It was a large lovely house with three bedrooms and a beautiful grand dining room. She let me examine for a few seconds. "It should turn out beautifully," she told me. I nodded. "Jazz?" she asked.

Jasper came into the room and cocked his head.

"What time is it dear?"

"Almost 5: 30," he told her. I wondered why it mattered.

"Don't you think you and Carlisle should be going soon?" I was about to ask where they were going when I realized Carlisle must have heard the exchange. I heard his footsteps and he was on the stairs in a heartbeat.

"Esme's right Jasper, we should probably go," said Carlisle. Edward was looking up now but he had not stopped playing, I recognized this new song. Jasper nodded and they started for the door, Carlisle pausing to kiss Esme on the head.

"Should I come too?" Edward asked.

"I don't think it's necessary, we'll be back soon. I think Jacob is still upset anyway so it might not be a good idea. Unless you really want to come?" Carlisle told him. Edward tended to listen to Carlisle, Carlisle was the voice of reason.

"I guess not then. Good luck." Before Edward could say another word Jasper and Carlisle were out the door and climbing into one of the many expensive cars. I heard the car go down the long driveway and then pull onto the highway. I moved to the window just in time to see the car disappear off the driveway. I heard Esme move to Edward's side as he continued playing the piano.

"You won't mind having Alice call me when she gets home dear? I'm going to be in and out for a while," I heard Esme ask Edward, "And tell Rose and Emmet to do that when less people are in the house. I mean really we have a guest!" I smiled at that, I imagined Edward did too. Esme moved back to the table humming while gathering up her papers and other various items she had been working with. And Esme floated out of the room, and possibly out of the house, I wasn't sure. I was alone in the room with Edward, the only people who might notice were Rose and Emmet but they were much too busy to pay attention. It unnerved me so I stayed where I was, back to Edward. I was still looking out of one of the many large windows after the car when I realized that the music had stopped.

"Don't," I said to Edward without turning. There was no response and he did not continue playing either. I turned only to find that Edward was standing behind me only a foot away. I was a bit startled but did not react in any way. I just stared at him, he stared back. There was no need for either of us to blink so the contest could have gone on forever. Finally to break his stare I said, "Why? Why did you stop playing?" Edward sighed.

"Gill I think we need to talk," Edward explained as he pulled me toward the couch. I resisted and moved over to a big glass door and continued staring out the window, now into the woods instead of the driveway. Edward moved to where I was this time about half a foot behind me and to my right. I was unsure of where he was going with this. He waited patiently for me to say something. When I did not he began to speak again, but I turned to face him and cut him off.

"Edward I really don't think there's anything to talk about." He began to interject but I continued, "You have you're human girlfriend, you are in love with her. I made a mistake, I was thinking in the past. It won't happen again. I apologize." I spun back to face the glass once more.

"Gillian, really this could be easier." He waited, and I continued to be silent. "Gill," Edward said pleadingly. He reached out to me, laying his hand on my arm. I did not resist but I did cringe at his touch. It wasn't helping. He seemed hesitant but moved a little closer, he was about to pull his hand away but instead moved it to my shoulder. I sighed and turned to face him. "Edward it really is my fault I'm sorry. You must hate me and think I'm stupid, I wasn't thinking. I'm really sorry if I've caused you trouble, I just thought…. I don't know." I sighed again and looked down. I almost turned to the glass again but Edward stopped me. He put his hands on my shoulders to keep me facing him.

"Gill," he said. I didn't answer, I stared at my feet. "Gill," he repeated. I didn't move my head but my eyes moved up, I could only see up to his chest though. Edward lifted my chin so that I was looking at his molten caramel eyes with my bright green ones. "Gill I do not think anyone of those things. That is ridiculous," he paused, and I looked at him dumbly, "Gillian the way I feel about you is… complicated."

"Don't give me that, just tell me what is really going on. You know it'll make everything easier." Edward slid his hands down my arms and held both my hands together between his. Way to give mixed signals! He looked at our hands for about five seconds. I studied his face, trying to urge him on with my eyes and still determine what he wanted to say. I wouldn't read his mind or let him see mine.

"Gill there is so much going through my head," he started while still staring at our hands, "so many feelings from then and now. We had a crazy romance, I was reckless and you were too. We had so much fun together, and I loved every second we spent with each other that summer and you should know that. You were the first girl I ever had true feelings for. It was insane for me because you were human and I was a vampire but I really liked you. I really probably shouldn't have gotten involved, but I couldn't resist. You were, and still are, a great person, you have a great personality. I wouldn't trade that summer, those memories, or you, for the world. I can still remember it so vividly, it's like it was only a few days ago. And we did rush into it but it still worked, and it worked for longer than it should have but I realized I couldn't stay with you. I was a danger to you, I could have hurt you so easily at any second and I wasn't even half as controlled as I am now. But you inspired me not to hurt people, to see them as people and not see sustenance," he looked up at me, his eyes bored into mine. If I could have cried I would have. He dropped my hands. Not wanting to be free of his touch I looped my arms around his rips tightly in a hug, but not so tightly as to leave a mark. He wrapped his arms around me too and I dry sobbed just once. "But Gill that was so long ago," he said as he pried me off gently to look me in the eyes, "and I was so immature and inexperienced. You know how I feel now; I'm in love with Bella." I gave him a glimpse of my thoughts. She's human, just like I was.

"I know, but I know more now, and I know that all I want is her, forever. I love her so much I could never be apart from her. There's nothing that can come between us. Gill that doesn't mean you can't still be in my life, we can be friends. There will always be a special place for you in my un-beating heart, but I am not in love with you, I love Bella," he finished. I smiled just a little because I was happy that he was happy. He waited for me to respond, giving me plenty of time to think about what had been said.

I started slowly, "I understand. And thank you for telling me the truth." I thought for a moment, "But can we still be friends at least? Could you love me as a friend or a sister?" He smiled his crooked smile slowly. And I hopped and threw my arms around his neck both happy and disappointed.

"Yes I think we can do that dear," Edward said as he hugged me back.

WELL THAT TOOK A WHILE DIDNT IT =) HOPE YOU LIKEE REVIEWS ARE NICE