A/N: Once again I want to send out a super-duper thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed so far! Ah, you keep me young. ;) Anyway, you know that feeling you get when you haven't slept for a while, like your eyes are burning? That's why this chapter is late. Also I've been sauced for the past week. Anyway, enjoy this Shifu-riffic chapter! It's on me- this time.

Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is in every way, shape, and form mine. Just kidding- it's all Dreamworks'.

Chapter 9: Laughter is the Best Sauce

Shifu stopped outside of the kitchen and listened to the sound of laughter on the other side of the door. It wasn't often that he heard Tai Lung laugh, and it was a welcome sound. Lin's laughter on the other hand... Well, not so much. He let out a heavy sigh and walked into the kitchen; he still had their exchange of the previous night on his mind. She'd been as confrontational as ever, but there'd been a confidence in her voice and in her mannerisms that he wasn't used to. She'd been exploiting his momentary weakness, and while her actions hadn't seemed malicious, he had gleaned from them that she was much more shrewd than he'd originally thought. His suspicion that she had an ulterior motive had only increased.

"Master Shifu!" Tai Lung greeted cheerfully, to Shifu's surprise. He hopped out of his seat and bowed so jovially that it hardly seemed formal or disciplined at all. "How are you?"

The question caught him off-guard, though he really should have expected it; Tai Lung had rushed to his side so readily that morning that it had been clear that he'd missed Shifu. Lin, of course, had made a point of telling him that Tai Lung had been worried in place of her usual jabs, which in a way was even worse. "...I'm fine," he finally answered wearily.

"Can Lin have dinner with us again?" was the next thing out of Tai Lung's mouth, and Shifu couldn't stop his eye from twitching.

"What?" He seemed to be asking that question a lot, since Lin had come to the Jade Palace.

"Pleeeaaase?" Tai Lung's eyes grew wide and watery as his ears drooped.

Shifu made a mental note to lecture Tai Lung about such blatantly babyish behavior, as well as the dangers of attempting to manipulate those around him (no doubt a tactic that Lin had taught him). For the time being, though... The adorable kitten act worked. "Very well."

"Thank you!" He took his seat again, a huge smile on his face. At least Tai Lung was happy.

"So..." He decided to attempt small talk; it wasn't one of his strong points, but he wanted to avoid an awkward silence, mainly because awkward silences were usually followed by highly inappropriate comments from Lin.

Speaking of whom... "Tonight's menu includes pea shoot and tofu dumplings with apricot mustard," she announced proudly as she served heaping piles of dumplings and hot tea to the table. "And before you say anything- why yes, I am a genius."

Shifu frowned at the cockiness of the statement, but he really couldn't argue when the food looked and smelled so good.

"And, of course, some citrus herbal tea to go along with our dinner." The way she spoke one would think she'd grown the citrus trees, harvested the fruit, and blended the tea herself. "Anyway, dig in!" She dropped into her seat next to Shifu and took a long swig of her tea, eyeing him and Tai Lung expectantly.

Although he was skeptical, he had yet to dislike any of Lin's cooking, so he gave the meal a try; it was heavenly.

"Hey, this is pretty good," Tai Lung commented; he sounded surprised. "I don't even like pea shoots."

"You don't like vegetables," Lin corrected. "But that's alright, they're an acquired taste. And you should try to acquire said taste before that vegetable garden grows in."

"You really planted a vegetable garden?" Shifu asked, still a little skeptical of the claim.

"'Course I did. You think I'm gonna drag my- self- down a thousand stairs every day?" She snorted, as if the notion were unthinkable.

"Everyone else seems to get up and down them alright," he commented as off-handedly as possible; he was starting to learn what irritated her, and he wouldn't be a good teacher if he himself didn't learn from his experiences and apply his knowledge.

"Everyone else is a kung fu master," she replied, her tone just as casual.

"You're forgetting the servants."

"That's pretty easy, since I've never seen 'em before." She was definitely annoyed.

"You wouldn't get along with them, anyway," he said simply, and rather than define his meaning he let the statement hang in the air.

Lin stared at him for a long time, apparently finally out of wisecracks for once, while Tai Lung shifted uncomfortably in his seat and watched the two of them. Finally, she spoke. "...What're you, like, a marmoset or something?" She popped a dumpling into her mouth, completely deadpan.

"No, I'm not a marmoset!" he snapped, realizing belatedly that losing his temper had probably lost him the fight. If they had even been fighting, which he was fairly sure they had. "I am a red panda," he finished calmly.

"Whatever," she dismissed; her interest had apparently shifted to her food.

"You are a toddler," he replied stiffly, then finished his meal as quickly as he could.

"Oh no," she said flatly. "My feelings were hurt by that one." She took a deliberately large bite of her dinner and stared at him as she chewed.

"Yum!" Tai Lung suddenly exclaimed, interrupting them. "This sure is... Sure is awesome. Yeah!" He glanced nervously back and forth between them, as if expecting an actual fist fight to break out. "I love vegetables. They are just... So good for me." He paused to eat a dumpling. "Mmmm!"

Lin just started laughing at him, which annoyed Shifu more than her usual guffaws. "Kid, you crack me up," she chuckled.

"He has a name," Shifu reminded her; after all, she was speaking to his son.

She, of course, remained in good spirits. "Maybe you should get to bed early tonight. You're kinda cranky when you're tired. Y'know, like a colicky baby. Ugh, my little brother had colic when he was a baby, so annoying how much they cry." She ate her last dumpling and leaned back. "You know how to calm down a colicky baby?"

"I don't want to know," he replied instantly.

"You rub warm olive oil on his stomach," she continued, as if he had never spoken. "Feeding 'em fennel water works, too."

If Lin's existence in his life was karma, the lesson was lost, because he had absolutely no idea what he could have done that was horrible enough to warrant such retribution.

"Hey, I should remember that!" Tai Lung exclaimed, to Shifu's surprise. "Y'know, in case I ever get a baby brother."

The surprise turned to unmitigated horror. "What makes you think that you are going to get a baby brother?" Shifu asked, and decided that some herbal tea would do him good at the moment.

"Well I'm already seven, so it's about time," Tai Lung replied, sounding as if he thought he were speaking reasonably. "I mean, Lin's mom popped out eight kids."

He spat the tea back out. "This is not a dinner discussion!" he coughed, trying to dispel the hot citrus tea from his nasal passages. It was an embarrassing reaction, he had to admit, and it was made all the worse by the fact that Lin slapped him on the back in an attempt to help. He leaned as far away from her as possible, took a deep, calming breath, and then paused. "...Really? Eight?"

"Two brothers, five sisters," Lin clarified, though it was probably a lie.

He stared at her, then at Tai Lung. She was corrupting his son with her constant deceit and unabashed pride, and he had no idea how to stop her; the contemplation of that horrible fact was starting to give him a headache. "You know what?" he finally sighed. "I am going to bed."

A warm breeze blew over the grounds of the Jade Palace and through the petals that were bursting into full bloom on many of the trees, gently pulling them loose of the branches and sending a flurry of pink and white across a very conspicuous plot of bare earth. This plot was on an unused piece of land between the barracks and the stadium; a small garden had once existed there, under the care of several palace servants, but it had long fallen into disuse. However, it appeared as though a garden would once again grace the sunny patch of grass.

Shifu had been skeptical of the existence of Lin's vegetable garden, but there it was in the light of the rising sun, and there was Master Oogway, pensively standing over it. Shifu hadn't expected to run into the apparently real garden or his master during his morning walk, so he approached with genuine curiosity."Master Oogway," he greeted.

The old turtle was carefully reading the labels that had been affixed to stakes and shoved crudely into various places throughout the soil. It was very clear that some of the characters had been written in Tai Lung's careful hand, while others were... Less elegant. The characters seemed rather combative, if he were to be honest; it was fitting that Lin would write in such a bold, outlandish way. To be honest, though, he was surprised that she was able to write at all- women and peasants normally didn't learn that sort of thing.

"This is quite a comprehensive garden," Oogway said, sounding impressed.

"I suppose," Shifu agreed reluctantly. "Tai Lung seems to like it."

"Indeed he does." He smiled knowingly at Shifu. "It is amazing, don't you think so? A tiny seed, tended to carefully, can grow into so many wonderful things."

Shifu had known Oogway long enough to know the difference between a casual comment and a life lesson. Still, he was rarely able to understand his master's meaning until much later. For now, he simply nodded in agreement.

"Are you still feeling troubled, old friend?" Oogway asked suddenly.

"I... I am simply remaining skeptical of... Our newest addition to the staff." He spoke as prudently as possible; throwing out insults in the kitchen was one thing, but speaking ill of Lin after Oogway's lecture about trust was another. "I am trying, Master, but... It is difficult for me."

"As it always has been." He turned toward the peach tree and motioned to Shifu with his staff.

Shifu followed readily and tried to think of a way to make Oogway understand that there was something not quite right about Lin. "I simply believe that there are certain things that she has chosen to keep from us," he settled on.

Oogway nodded in agreement, surprisingly enough. "I understand your reticence, Shifu. However, you must have patience. Time reveals many secrets."

"Yes, master," he agreed, although he really couldn't see how he could follow the advice.

"Perhaps if you spent a little more time relaxing." The old master's suggestion was very similar to Lin's, and it made Shifu frown. "Oh, it's not so bad," Oogway went on, upon seeing his expression. "Why not play your flute more often? You could help Lin and Tai Lung with the garden. Little things like that." They had reached the peach tree, and Oogway paused to reach up and gather a handful of pink petals. "The little things in life are sometimes the things that make us happiest, Shifu."

"I see," he muttered.

"We could play mahjong," Oogway continued, and headed back down the slope with the peach petals, to scatter them across the moon pool as was his morning ritual.

"I suck at mahjong," Shifu reminded him, though it was probably the reason he'd suggested the game in the first place.

Oogway just chuckled. "Why not try out what Lin and Tai Lung did for fun, while you were gone?"

"And what is that?"

"Rolling around in the mud."

"I should have known," he sighed, shaking his head. He'd had no doubt that the moment he left the Jade Palace Lin would distract Tai Lung from his training, but to roll in the mud... His childhood was long gone, but even he was aware of how ridiculous rolling in the mud for fun was. "This is the kind of thing I've been talking about. She is beginning to influence Tai Lung- that vegetable garden, rolling around in the mud, and last night he was talking about having a baby brother. A brother!" His eye twitched just thinking about the subject. "Who knows what kinds of crazy ideas he'll get into his head next."

"Yes," Oogway agreed as they approached the Sacred Hall of Heroes; Shifu had admittedly not expected that. "Next thing you know, Tai Lung will be thinking that he is a seven-year-old child."

He had expected that. "He's a smart boy, and he should know better than to listen to that- that nincompoop." He normally wouldn't have spoken so brashly in front of his master, but he had gotten a little worked up.

They entered the Sacred Hall of Heroes as they spoke, and before Oogway had a chance to dole out more vague wisdom, they were interrupted; Shifu could've sworn he heard a squeak, yet there was nobody in sight.

"A little help, please," a tiny voice suddenly called out.

He recognized the voice immediately and couldn't contain a groan of utter frustration.

Oogway simply chuckled. "Oh my! How on earth did you manage that?"

Shifu followed his Master's gaze to a point about halfway up one of the jade pillars, where Lin was holding on for dear life. "What... Why...?" He couldn't find any words to describe how perplexing the sight was.

"I wanted a better view of the floor," she answered.

"Are you insane?" He didn't see why she could possibly want to look at the floor of all things.

"It is quite a lovely design," Oogway agreed casually.

"Exactly! Once I realized the designs represented the five elements- wood, fire, metal, water, and earth- I had to get a better look!" Her eyes glazed over and she stared down at the floor, completely out of it. Then she slipped a little, and with a yelp held onto the column tighter. "I'm stuck, now."

"I would help you, but these old bones aren't what they used to be." Oogway turned his gaze to Shifu.

"Fine," he sighed, rolling up his sleeves and heading toward the column.

"Wait!" Lin suddenly called out.

He stopped, alarmed at her urgency. "What is it?"

"I didn't notice that part over in the corner before..." She craned her neck back, once again completely oblivious to the world around her.

Shifu rolled his eyes and readied himself for the inevitable; of course, he was right, and Lin fell right off the column in her effort to look at the floor. With ease, he jumped into the air and caught her mid-fall, landing right back where he'd stood. He tried to put her down, but she was clutching tightly to his collar, her hair standing on end and her teeth clenched together. "Please get off of me."

"Oh!" She stumbled away from him, brushing herself off. "Thanks... For that." She cleared her throat, then straightened up and took on a much more nonchalant tone. "Well, breakfast isn't gonna cook itself! Thanks, again." She made a beeline for the door, smiling to Oogway as she passed him. "Peach blossoms, nice, romantic stuff there. You two have fun!"

Shifu's eye twitched as he watched her go. "What did she just say?"

"I believe it was a joke." Oogway slowly shuffled up to the moon pool and began scattering the peach petals. Then, he let out a soft chuckle. "I cannot believe you said 'nincompoop.'" He paused to shake his head. "You sound so old."

The fact that Lin was capable of calligraphy had not left Shifu's mind since that morning, and so, despite every fiber of his being wanting to be as far away from her as possible, he decided to make an afternoon visit to the kitchen. He had a feeling that it was somehow connected to whatever she was planning to do in the Valley of Peace; at the very least he might be able to learn something about her mysterious past. He sincerely hoped, however, that she had remained in good spirits since he'd seen her in the morning; he'd noticed her tendency to be moody, and if she was cranky the conversation would be a lot more difficult. It would also probably be a lot more mind-numbing.

Lin was arranging utensils and bowls on the countertop, obviously preparing to make something. "Whaddaya want?" she asked, without turning around.

He had to admit, he was just slightly impressed that she'd been able to sense his presence. "Oh, nothing," he replied, hoping that a more casual approach would yield results. "I did notice something today, that perhaps you could tell me about."

"Uhuh," she said, her tone completely uninterested.

He tried not to let her apparent boredom get to him; it was probably just an act. "I noticed that you can write," he said, and carefully gauged her response.

Lin seemed startled by the comment, which immediately told him that she had something to hide. "I guess you could say that," she replied vaguely as she poured some flour into a bowl.

"It's rather unusual," he continued, hoping to get some information out of her. "I'm sure you're aware of that."

"You saying that I shouldn't know how to write?" She stopped making... Whatever she'd been making, and turned to face him.

"That- that's not what I meant," he answered quickly; he should have known that she would start a fight.

"So you're saying that women shouldn't know how to write," she continued, crossing her arms despite her hands being covered in flour.

"No! No, that's not what I'm saying." He should probably have just given up and left, but he wanted to save face. "I'm saying that that's how things are, not how they should be."

She still looked skeptical, but it looked as though she'd been somewhat appeased. "Okay."

"But your style of writing is quite strange," he went on. "I saw it on those signs in the garden."

"Oh, you saw the garden!" She went back to work on whatever was in her bowl, her tone suddenly much more cheerful. "Whaddaya think? It's just dirt right now, sure, but it's gonna have a lotta variety. Cabbage, onions, carrots, potatoes-"

"That's nice," he interrupted, still focused on his goal. "Where did you learn to write, anyway?"

"Oh, around," she replied airily. "Oh, I also planted some herbs in there, so we'll have fresh herbs, too. Isn't that exciting?"

He narrowed his eyes at her back; she was deliberately trying to throw him off. "Yes, exciting," he agreed. "And what exactly does 'around' mean?"

"It means 'around!' Like, in multiple places. If you're interested in the calligraphy style, I picked that up from some pirates-"

"Please spare me the blatant lies," he sighed. He could see that she was planning on taking the conversation around in circles, and he didn't want to waste his time listening to complete rubbish.

"Fine," she said, sounding rather smug. "By the way, d'you like curry?"

"Curry?"

"Y'know, spicy food. Indian in origin. Often served with rice and naan bread." She pointed to the bowl she'd been working in. "You know what naan is, right? Unleavened bread made with yogurt."

"Spicy food disagrees with me," he admitted reluctantly.

"It tends to do that with older people." She turned back to her task, apparently unmoved by his subtle request for a change in meal plan. "Especially men," she added.

"I don't want curry," he stated, plain and simple.

"I'll make some mild for you."

He blinked, caught off-guard by how agreeable she was being. "That's it?" he asked, wondering what kind of catch she had up her sleeve. "You're just going to accommodate me without arguing?"

"If you stop bothering me about the fact that I can write, then yes, I will accommodate you."

He raised one eyebrow, considering her offer. It occurred to him that it was her job to make what he asked her to, but the chances of something horrific ending up in his food if he argued were too high. "Very well," he agreed, albeit reluctantly. "And don't make it too heavy, either."

"Gotchya, boss," she replied. "Now get outta here, you're bothering me."

"Don't talk to me like that."

She shrugged. "It was worth a try." Then she gave him a hearty pat on the shoulder. "Seriously, though, I need to get to work if I'm gonna have dinner ready on time."

"Very well," he agreed, and decided to head to the training hall; he doubted he'd be able to pry any information out of her, anyway. He was almost at the training hall by the time he realized that he had a large white hand-print on his shoulder.

A/N: Man, this chapter had some real challenges... I tried to keep in mind that Oogway's not just a wise old kung fu master, he's also Shifu's friend. And I think Shifu would probably open up to him a little bit more than anyone else, even though he doesn't mean to.

I also realized that it's been nine chapters of basically nothing happening... Which I'm sure I write in every author's note (or at least half of them) so... NEXT CHAPTER. GET READY FOR SUMPIN' HAPPENIN'. It's not that exciting, though.

Also of note: By the next time I post a chapter, I will have a bachelors degree. I suggest you begin girding your loins now.