A/N: Hey there! Sorry, I'm a couple of days late... Again :/ However, this is an ass-long chapter compared to the others, so hopefully that'll make up for it a little.

Also, I have some good and bad news, not necessarily in that order. It looks like I'll be sticking with a 2 week update schedule instead of going back to one chapter a week. However, there are advantages to this. For instance, the chapters will be edited/written better, and on top of that they'll be longer. So it's something of a trade-off. If I magically become a faster writer and get a few chapters done ahead of time, I'll go to a 1 week schedule for a while, but no promises are in order here.

Disclaimer: Did you know that Dreamworks owns Kung Fu Panda? I'll bet that that's not common knowledge. I mean, it's news to me! Totally.

Chapter 13: Mix All the Ingredients in a Bowl

Even the heaviest sleepers in the world sometimes had trouble falling into unconsciousness at night, and Shifu was by no means a heavy sleeper. That was why he found himself on his way to the kitchen in the middle of the night. He wasn't looking for a midnight snack, but he thought that some tea might help him out. He did, after all, have quite a bit to think about lately. Lin usually made sure of that.

Her latest admission had him stumped, though- he couldn't understand what she had to gain from claiming to actually like him. They had done nothing but fight from the moment she'd arrived at the Jade Palace, he couldn't trust her even half as far as he could throw her, and even when he attempted to treat her with any kind of civility she was completely ungrateful. She certainly didn't seem to be attempting to reach any kind of peace by claiming to like him, that was for sure.

He paused outside the kitchen when he saw a dim light coming from inside; he had a feeling that its source was neither Tai Lung nor Master Oogway. After a moment's consideration, though, he decided to venture inside, anyway. Why should he deny himself tea just to avoid someone?

He was already briskly greeting her as he walked in, but fell silent when he saw that Lin was sitting with her head resting on the table, fast asleep. He blinked in astonishment at the sight.

Her mouth was hanging open and she was snoring ever so slightly, a full cup of tea abandoned beside her. Her arms were hanging down at her sides, and when he looked more closely he realized that her hands were, for some reason, filthy.

"What are you doing?" he asked loudly.

It did the trick; with a snort, her head shot up and she yawned loudly, rubbing at her eyes. "Whattime 'sit?" She pushed herself away from the table, blinking rapidly. After a few moments of looking around in confusion, she seemed to wake up. "Oh, shi-" She stopped when she noticed him still standing there. "I mean, uh, oh no."

"How long were you asleep?" he asked, frowning at her.

"Uh... I dunno. More 'an a half hour, maybe..." She rubbed at her eyes, yawning again. With a groan, she stood up, mostly supporting her weight on the table. "You, uh, want some tea or something?"

"I'll get it myself." He headed for the stove to pour himself a cup of tea, but realized the moment he touched it that the pot she had brewed was ice cold.

"I'll make a new pot," she offered, already rummaging through the cabinets for tea leaves. "How much longer y'think it'll be 'till dawn?"

"A couple of hours, maybe." He dumped out the old tea and rinsed the pot.

"No point in sleeping at all, I guess," she sighed. "Whaddaya want for breakfast?"

"What do I want?"

"Yeah, you. You got any... Favorites or anything?"

"No," he replied shortly. "Well, not no, but... I like dumplings, but those aren't a breakfast food."

She was busy lighting the burner, and didn't reply to him with more than a nod. Once she was done, she plopped a pot of water on the flame, then clapped her hands. "Dried fruit. I have it."

"Oh." Shifu wasn't sure what she meant by it. "You... Do?"

"I can make some granola, I have enough time for that... You like granola? Everyone likes granola. With... I made dried figs and raisins, what else?"

He managed to stop his eye from twitching, but still stared at her with his mouth open.

"Ginger!" She slapped the countertop with one hand. "And almonds!" Then she slapped it with the other. "Those're good, right? Yeah."

"Maybe you should go back to sleep." He tried to catch her eye while he motioned to the door, but she wasn't paying much attention to him.

"Maybe some cinnamon... Can't argue with cinnamon." She rubbed at her chin and leaned against the counter. "Cinnamon." She fell silent after that, and upon closer inspection, Shifu found that she had fallen asleep again.

"Wake up!" he snapped, then watched as she picked up right where she left off, as if she had never fallen asleep.

"You like cinnamon, right?" She furrowed her brow as if she were deep in thought.

"Is this a regular thing with you?"

"Guh!" Lin smacked herself on the forehead, which he supposed could serve as a "yes" to his question. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Think of what?" Shifu asked, though he wasn't so sure that he wanted to know the answer.

"Breakfast dumplings! I can put all the fruit and cinnamon and stuff in the dumplings, and make breakfast dumplings! Cinnamon. Y'know, sometimes if you say a word a buncha times it stops sounding like a word."

He couldn't do anything but stare at her; he was wondering if perhaps she'd caught a fever that was making her delirious, but she didn't look sick. Maybe she was actually telling the truth all those times she'd said she didn't go to sleep until she passed out.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You're covered in fur." Then she paused and looked down at herself, her expression that of complete confusion. "I'm covered in fur."

"Yes," Shifu sighed. "Yes you are."

"Okay, then. After I make these dumplings, I think I'll take a nap." She paused, then, an expression of utter confusion on her face. "Why am I making dumplings?"

"It's for breakfast," Shifu snapped, losing his patience. "I might as well make them, for all the use you are right now!" He didn't know why he even put up with her in the first place.

"Really?" She stared at him, blinking, and all hopes that she was joking were dashed when she exclaimed, "Thanks!"

"Wait- I didn't mean-"

"Everything you need's in the cabinets, have at it," she interrupted him, walking out of the kitchen and once again leaving him to do her job for her.

He wasn't about to let her get away with it... Again. "Hey!" He jumped out of his seat to follow her. "Come back!"

Lin already had one foot in the doorway to her room, and when he snapped at her she glanced up, apparently unconcerned. Then, her eyebrows suddenly shot up as if she were remembering something important, and she stepped back out into the hallway and tightly shut the door to her room. "What now?" she whined at him.

"You're the cook!" he pointed out, frustrated at her sense of entitlement. "You make breakfast."

"Then why'd you offer to make it, if you were gonna get so pissed when I accepted?" She couldn't seriously believe that he had actually been trying to offer his help.

"I was being sarcastic." He crossed his arms and nodded toward the kitchen. "Now come back."

"Yeesh, you gotta admit it was worth a try," she grumbled.

It took him a moment to realize that she was implying she had known all along that he was simply being sarcastic. "You are- are- unbelievable!"

"Whatever," she replied nonchalantly and opened her mouth wide in a yawn. "Unless you wanna actually make breakfast yourself, you're gonna hafta stop complaining about how tired I am. It's nunya business anyway." She started shuffling back toward the kitchen, stretching out and cracking her fingers as she went.

"Ew," he commented at the action; he absolutely hated that noise. "That gives you arthritis, you know."

"You want tea or not?" she shot back.

It was the reason he'd gone to the kitchen in the first place. He supposed he might as well, since he was up already. Besides, she was slightly less annoying in her current state than she was lucid- which wasn't saying much. With a shrug he gave in and followed her to the kitchen for what he hoped would at least be some decent tea.

Lin stared down at the vegetable broth she was boiling on the stove, squinting and grinding her teeth. She was deep in thought over Tai Lung's request and the next move she needed to make. She could just choose to leave things as they were- he was already under the impression that her answer was "no." However, she couldn't help but worry. She cursed herself for worrying, but to be honest she cared about what Tai Lung did and what happened to him. He actually reminded her a little bit of herself, and she knew that if there was anything that she was not allowed to do as a child, she would have done it anyway. Actually, that was still true, which would explain why she was in the Valley of Peace to begin with.

She didn't think he would get hurt or anything, but if he headed down to the village on his own, Shifu would have a fit. And there was no way he'd be able to get down there undetected. In the end, the only way for Tai Lung to make the trip would be for Shifu to consent. And the only way to get that to happen would be for Lin to talk to him. After all, Tai Lung wasn't about to do it.

She realized that she had begun to grind her teeth much harder. As funny as it was to rile him up, she was going to have a hard time convincing Shifu of anything having to do with Tai Lung. She didn't see what the big deal was, though- Tai Lung could benefit from interaction with other kids his age. He seemed lonely, and she knew what it could be like for a kid to not have any friends his own age.

It was inevitable that she'd have to brooch the subject with Shifu, as much as she absolutely did not want to. She wondered if she should ease him into it, but decided that it would be best to just come out and tell him the next time she saw him.

Of course, as she was getting ready to strain the broth, Shifu walked into the kitchen, no doubt to stick his nose in her business. "What are you doing?" he asked instantly.

Lin let out an annoyed snort and turned around to face him; the broth would survive a few extra minutes on the stove. "Why are you always asking me that? I'm a cook, I'm in a kitchen, and I'm wearing an apron. Shouldn't you be able to draw the logical conclusion by now?"

He rolled his eyes at her, as he did almost every time they spoke. "I just wanted to know if you were going to the market today."

"Not until tomorrow," she replied. It was the perfect time to bring up Tai Lung, but she hesitated.

"I wanted to let you know that we could use some more oolong," he went on. "And don't forget apples, and we could use some long grain rice for once. More variety." He shifted uncomfortably, and she realized that as she contemplated what exactly she would say about Tai Lung, she'd been staring at him. "...What?" he asked.

"It's nothing, just..." It was as good a time as any to bring up the issue, she supposed. "I got something to tell you," she sighed. She honestly didn't want to, but for some reason every instinct in her was being overridden by an unnatural feeling of concern. It occurred to her that perhaps she was seeing things from Shifu's perspective, but the thought was quickly wiped clear from her mind by an immediate gag reflex. It was probably just hormones, anyway.

"Alright, tell me," he replied. He sounded reluctant to listen to her, which she had come to expect.

"Tai Lung wants to go into the village with me." She resisted the urge to wince at what she imagined would be a monumental outburst, but was pleasantly surprised to find that her admission was met with silence.

Shifu, however, quickly revealed that his silence was not a positive reaction as his eye twitched ominously.

She steeled herself for what she was going to say next. "And I think you should let him go." She took a step back, just to be safe.

He glared balefully at her, and then he spoke. "You think that I should let him go. Right. Because what you think is so incredibly important."

Lin tried very hard not to snap back at that comment, and kept her tone as calm as possible. "Look, you could either say no and wait for him to wander down there on his own- getting into who-knows-what kinda trouble- or you can say yes and have me take him down there for a coupla hours." She crossed her arms, waiting for his response.

"Tai Lung would never defy a direct order from me, especially for something as frivolous as a trip down to the valley," he huffed, obviously insulted that she had even suggested such a thing.

She snorted a little bit, then despite her efforts at restraint, burst into full-out laughter.

"What is so funny?" Shifu stood there and glared at her while he waited for her to calm down enough to answer him.

"Nothing," she finally managed to wheeze. "It's just... That little spiel about your kid never disobeying you, that was a good one." She paused to catch her breath while Shifu fumed at her reaction.

"I'll have you know that Tai Lung is a dutiful and responsible son, and would never stray from my word."

Of course, she laughed again.

"What is your problem?"

"Obviously, you don't remember being a kid," she finally informed him. "Tai Lung ain't gonna be any more obedient than any other kid- and last I checked 'obedient' is the last way to describe kids."

"I happened to be a very mindful child," he huffed. "Just as Tai Lung is. Not all children are ravenous beasts who set fire to their parents' houses."

"Hey, that was only one time." She paused to think back on her childhood, just to be sure. "Yeah, it was only once."

Shifu shook his head at her. "You don't seem to get it. You are only here to cook- not to bond, not to make important decisions about my son's life- or mine, for that matter- and not to wax philosophical on anything. So stick to your day job."

"I would if you'd stick to yours," she shot back; she had a vague sense of the dangerous territory she was treading, but it was in her nature to constantly cross the line.

"And what, exactly, is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that if you were less of a taskmaster and more of a father, Tai Lung wouldn't be asking me help him break your dumb rules behind your back in the first place, dummy!" she snapped. She realized that it wasn't a very sensitive thing to say, nor had she phrased it in the best way. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't help but get riled up when Shifu started to talk down to her.

His eye twitched as he stared back at her, apparently stunned into silence by what she'd said. The effect didn't last. "Well," he started tightly, and cleared his throat. "If you ever call me 'dummy' again, I will fire you." He paused then, though he wasn't finished; that much was apparent by how tightly his jaw was set. He seemed to be thinking of precisely what he wanted to say back to her, and she waited for him out of some strange sense of fairness. "How many children do you have?" he finally asked.

She blinked back at him, wondering if it was perhaps a rhetorical question.

"Well?" he prompted, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Oh! You really meant- yeah." She still didn't get what the question was about. "...Zero."

"Okay, then," he replied. "Shut up."

She was taken by surprise, mostly by the amount of wit he'd managed to show. "Well played," she conceded. "But you should still talk to Tai Lung."

"Do us both a favor and just drop the subject."

"But don't yell at him. If you do, he'll react defensively." She was mostly just trying to be annoying at that point, which was an innate talent of hers, anyway, so it wasn't as if she needed to try very hard.

"I will talk to Tai Lung, and I will tell him how completely misguided he is for even thinking of pulling such a stunt behind my back, and I will explain to him how much of a failure of a productive member of society you are," Shifu snapped. He was getting rather uppity, as she had suspected.

It was about time she used her secret weapon, a last resort she had hoped she wouldn't need to rely on. "Hey, remember that time I tried to quit?" She casually leaned back against the counter, taking great pleasure in the grimace that crossed his face.

"Oh, no," he grumbled.

"I'll take that as a yes." She paused and wiped her hands on her apron, as if they were discussing something as unimportant as the weather. "I seem to remember an agreement. I think I agreed not to quit if you... If you..." She stopped again and turned her eyes to the ceiling, tapping her chin with one finger. "What was it, again?"

Shifu let out a completely incomprehensible mumble.

"What was that?" Sometimes she wondered if perhaps her love for torturing him was unhealthy, but then again she didn't really care.

"I agreed to give you a day off," he finally said, sounding as if it took considerable effort for him to get the words out.

"I think there was something else..."

"And Tai Lung," he finally conceded. "Alright. I will consider allowing Tai Lung to accompany you to the village- for a couple of hours. And if you ever ask me for anything again, I will fire you on the spot."

"Thanks!" she chirped in the most cheerful tone of voice she could muster, then whirled back around to tend to her broth.

"And for the record, I despise you," he added grumpily.

"For the record," she replied, making her best effort to waft the mouth-watering smell of the broth toward him, "comments like that are mere flattery to ears such as mine."

He grunted in response to that, obviously defeated.

Lin went back to work, carefully straining the broth into a new pot, and completely forgot that he was still in the kitchen until he startled her by speaking again.

"...What are you making?"

She couldn't help but gloat at that, and thus proceeded to laugh at him.

Playing the flute was one of the very few things that helped calm Shifu's nerves, and if there was ever a time he needed calming, this was it. As much as it pained him (and it was a lot) to admit it, Lin was right. He needed to have a talk with Tai Lung about his desire to travel down into the village without permission. While the village was relatively safe, he was concerned about what kind of trouble Tai Lung could cause, and how he might be received by the villagers. After all, he had already grown larger than most of the valley's inhabitants, and was becoming stronger every day. He didn't imagine that a rabbit would be very understanding of the inevitable clumsiness of a young snow leopard going through a growth spurt, or the ensuing destruction.

The training hall alone had been the home to many daily repairs lately, and the sudden changes in Tai Lung's body were causing him to falter with training exercises and techniques that normally would not have been a problem for him. He worried enough about Tai Lung when he was mere feet away; a trip to the valley might give him a heart attack.

"Fretting again, I see," Master Oogway greeted as he climbed up the last of the steps to the peach tree.

Shifu set his flute down and got up from his seat beneath the tree, respectfully bowing to his Master. "It is something I'm becoming accustomed to," he sighed as he straightened up.

Oogway laughed a bit at that and nodded in agreement. "Indeed, old friend." He turned to look out over the valley, which was currently shrouded in mist. "I have some news."

"It's bad news, isn't it?" he groaned. He'd known Oogway long enough to know that when there was news, it was never good.

"Ah, Shifu," he replied calmly, "I believe I have told you before-"

"I know, I know," Shifu interrupted impatiently. "There is no good or bad news."

Oogway leveled a stern gaze at him- it wasn't a glare, just more of a look that spoke volumes. Most of which seemed to consist of "be patient."

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. "What news do you have, Master?"

"A letter from a coastal village- Shangba," Oogway said slowly, glancing back towards the grounds, though Shifu couldn't imagine why. "They have a rather severe problem with some pirates- wokou, to be exact. They apparently were regular visitors of Shanghai, but moved on to smaller villages once the local authorities became more active in their duties. I believe I've even heard talk of plans for a wall to keep out pirates, though I do not put much stock in rumors." He paused there, most likely because he sensed that Shifu was once again getting antsy. "In any case," he went on, "they need help."

"I will head out immediately," Shifu volunteered with a quick bow.

"I believe it would be best if I handled this myself." While Oogway's smiling face would seem lenient to a stranger, it was apparent to Shifu by his firmly planted stance that he would accept no arguments on the subject.

Still, it seemed strange. "Master, if I may ask why you have chosen to go alone...?"

"It is not a long trip, but Tai Lung will miss you," Oogway replied simply. "As well as someone else we both know."

"Please don't joke about that." Shifu was still disturbed by Lin's earlier admission of apparently enjoying his company, although the possibility that she had said so with the intent of making him uncomfortable did cross his mind. "You're making me actually want to go to Shangba."

Oogway chuckled, shaking his head. "Posture all you want, my friend." He leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice. "I have known you since you were a child. I can see straight through it."

Shifu had no idea what that was supposed to mean, and he would have asked if their conversation hadn't been rudely interrupted by the subject at hand herself.

"Yo," Lin greeted lazily as she completely ignored the fact that she was entering a private conversation, and once again began to climb the peach tree in order to pick peaches.

It took all of Shifu's self-control to hold back his anger at the disruption and the blatant disrespect she was showing. "This is a private conversation," he ground out as calmly as he could manage. "Which is none of your concern."

"Oh?" She replied as she sniffed at a peach. "What happened?"

"I am needed elsewhere, I'm afraid," Oogway answered her, to Shifu's utter chagrin. "I believe the village is a coastal one, subject to many storms. You might know it. Shangba."

"Uh, yeah." She sounded somewhat uneasy at the mention of the village. "I been... In that area. It's nice. A nice area."

"I thought Shangba was known as 'The Village of Death,'" Shifu interjected. He'd recalled hearing the nickname once or twice in passing.

"Well, it's nice for a village of death," Lin shot back. "I mean, it's only called that 'cause shipwreck victims wash up on the shore every now and then. Other 'an that it's very nice." That bit of information earned her a blank stare. "Not everyone who washes up is dead, y'know," she huffed. "So whadda they needya for anyway?" She jumped down from the low branch she'd been picking fruit on, her bag full of peaches and one in her hand, which she promptly bit into.

"Some trouble with pirates," Oogway answered serenely. "They were pushed out of Shanghai."

Lin began to cough loudly on her peach and punched herself in the chest of couple of times, presumably to dislodge a half-masticated piece of the fruit.

It was definitely suspicious behavior, and that fact was not lost on Shifu. He raised an eyebrow as he watched her, and once she'd calmed down a little he asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"It's the peach," she replied quickly, and let out a few more short coughs. "It's, uh... Too big. Here." And then she tossed the peach at him.

He caught it, of course, but he couldn't believe that she'd actually have the nerve to not only offer him a peach from the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly wisdom, but to toss it to him so casually as well. He was about to say something on the subject to her when Oogway cut him off.

"That cough sounded rather painful." He seemed concerned for her, but then he turned to Shifu, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Why don't you accompany Lin back to the kitchen for some water, just to be safe?"

"I'm fine!" Lin protested.

"She'll live," Shifu pointed out at the same time.

"I would feel better," Oogway insisted. "Do it as a favor to me."

"Ah, shit," Lin grumbled, as if he had been asking her to allow Shifu along as a favor. "Okay, I'll do it." Apparently, that was what she thought. "C'mon, Geezer, let's get a move on," she directed at Shifu, then didn't even bother to wait for him and headed down the stairs.

Shifu took a moment to glare at her, then turned to Oogway. "You owe me," he whispered before heading after her.

"Have fun, you two," he replied.

As he caught up to Lin, Shifu ruminated on all the mental torture he'd had to go through since her arrival at the Jade Palace. Experience, however, did not make it any more bearable.

"This was a good idea actually," she commented once he was walking at her side. "You can help me clean up the kitchen for dinner."

"You mean you haven't cleaned it already? Isn't that part of your job?" He wasn't about to help her with something she was getting paid to do... Again.

"Actually, it's not in the job description, no." She then lifted the bag of peaches from her shoulder, leaned toward him, and promptly dropped it.

He caught it out of reflex, then realized exactly what she was trying to do. "I am not carrying this for you."

"You never had a problem with carrying my stuff before," she pointed out smugly, then turned to taunting. "Doesn't it make you feel like a big strong man?"

"You are walking on thin ice," he warned. It was bad enough that he had to put up with her taunts and jabs at meal times, he didn't need to deal with her attitude during time that he was supposed to be spending trying to relax. "And take your bag back, I don't want it."

"No," she replied shortly, and kept walking.

"What do you mean 'no'?" he huffed back.

"We're halfway back to the barracks anyway, you might as well keep it." On top of her cocky attitude, she then went on to display a complete and utter disregard for his time and very short patience by stopping at the ridiculous plot of dirt that she called a vegetable garden. "Hrm," she hummed to herself as she leaned over it and prodded it with her fingers.

"That useless, pathetic patch of mud will never grow anything," he grumbled, mostly out of spite.

"Don't let Tai Lung hearya say that." She leaned in even closer and sniffed at the dirt. "He's out here every day, checking on the garden and giving it water."

"He is?" Shifu narrowed his eyes at her back; she could have been lying, but for some reason he got the feeling that she wasn't. "But why?" What he didn't get was why Tai Lung would care so much about a bunch of plants.

"I guess he likes the idea of being able to cultivate life." She straightened up and brushed her hands together to wipe off the dirt. "Plants may not be able to speak or move, but they're just as alive as any one of us. There's just something about being able to give life to something that would have otherwise shriveled and died, y'know." She shrugged, then returned to the path and started walking again.

"But you eat them, anyway," he reminded her.

"Well, yeah. But the plant still lives. We're just eating their reproductive organs."

"...What?" He couldn't tell whether or not she was joking.

Lin reached into the bag and pulled out a peach, holding it in front of his face. "The purpose of this delicious fruit, or any fruit for that matter, is to protect and nurture the seed. When the fruit falls to the ground, not only does it help keep the seed in one place long enough to sprout, but as it decomposes it also provides nutrient-rich compost for the seed to grow in. So, what you eat on a daily basis is a plant's ovary, uterus, and placenta all wrapped up into one." She then dropped the peach back into the bag with the others. "Yum."

"And now I will never be able to eat anything again, thanks to that mental image," he groused, wrinkling his nose at the idea. "Why must you be so... So..."

"Informative?" she offered. "Intelligent? Knowledgeable? Congenial? Persuasive? Amazing?" She batted her eyes at him with that last one.

"I was going to say disgusting, but keep deluding yourself." He briefly considered throwing a peach at her, but that would have been childish.

"Y'know, this is why Tai Lung never wants to talk to you," she sighed, shaking her head. "You're just so negative." They had reached the barracks, and as they entered the kitchen she paused to examine some marks on the wall near the door.

"What are those?" He eyed them as he dropped the bag of peaches onto a chair. They seemed to be spaced out arbitrarily, and the lowest mark seemed to be at about Lin's height while the highest one was a few inches above her head.

"It's a growth chart," she replied. "For Tai Lung."

"You've been doing that?" He felt his eye twitch, in spite of his best efforts to keep it under control.

"Yep. I thought it'd be cute." She obviously was pointing it out to him for a reason, though he couldn't quite glean what that reason was. She was most likely just gloating or trying to make him feel guilty. "Put those peaches away," she suddenly ordered, then grabbed a cloth and wet it.

"What? No." He crossed his arms, fully intending to stand his ground.

"You know where the fruit bowls are," she replied casually, then approached the kitchen table and began to wipe it down. "You can refill them while I inform you, in great detail, why your son prefers my company over yours in his leisure time."

"If you think that I'm going to help you after you've said something like that to me, then you are absolutely wrong," he snapped. "What makes you think you have the right to speak to me like that in the first place?"

"You let me." She paused to raise her eyebrows at him. "Unless you wanna beat me up or something."

He glared back at her with the intention of staring her down. He refused to be bullied in his own home by some free-loading busy-body. So what if she seemed to know exactly how to talk to Tai Lung? So what if he opened up to her so much? Shifu was certain that he could get his own son to speak casually to him without the help of some lunatic off the streets.

He was absolutely, one-hundred percent certain. He was completely capable of such a feat. He could be just as easy-going and open as the next person. Definitely.

"Fine," he sighed heavily. "What is your 'theory' on why Tai Lung would rather go down into the village with you than with me?"

"You really wanna hear it?" she asked, dropping her washcloth on top of the table. "Or are you just looking for another reason to hate me?"

"I want to hear it," he grumbled reluctantly.

"Okay, then." She sat heavily in the nearest chair, then indicated the seat next to her. "Sit."

Shifu hesitated, wondering if there was some sort of catch involved, but then decided to take his chances and moved the bag of peaches onto the floor and sat down. "Go on," he prompted.

"It's the classic good cop, bad cop dynamic," she answered with a shrug. "It usually happens when you have two adults living with kids. One inevitably becomes the disciplinarian while the other takes on the role of the 'fun one.' Obviously, you are the disciplinarian."

"And you're the fun one," he finished for her. "What about Master Oogway?"

"Not as fun as I am, I guess." She leaned back in her seat, stifling a yawn. "Anyway, I'm guessing that Tai Lung would rather go down to the village with 'the fun one.' It's not a big deal."

"Not to you, no," he snapped. He regretted it instantly, of course; he hadn't meant to say something so revealing to her, but he was annoyed by how nonchalant her attitude was.

Lin didn't tease him about it, though. She blinked back at him, frowned, and yawned again. In a way, it was even worse than teasing. "Well," she finally replied, "be nicer."

"Right." He shook his head at her; apparently she thought she had an answer for everything. "It's so simple! Why didn't I think of that?"

She just rolled her eyes at him. "Explain."

"Explain? What have I been doing from the first moment you came here? Have you been paying attention to anything that's going on around you? I am training Tai Lung to become a master of kung fu. That requires discipline and rigidity. I am his Master, and I don't have the luxury of being 'the fun one' like you do."

"Talk to him," she replied simply.

"I can't!" He was quickly getting frustrated by her casual answers; he didn't even know why he was carrying on such a conversation with her in the first place.

"Use your inside voice, champ." She stood up and crossed the room to the stove.

"What are you doing, now?"

"Making tea." She quickly lit a burner on the stove and put a pot that was already full of water on. "So why can't you talk to Tai Lung, exactly? Are you allergic to cats?"

"I am about as allergic to cats as you are humble," he shot back. "I can't talk with Tai Lung if he doesn't want to talk."

"And he doesn't want to talk because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing." She crossed her arms and leaned against the counter, eyeing him as if she were his mother. "And if he says the wrong thing, he'll get punished."

"He must talk to you a lot." He didn't bother to tone down his sarcasm for that one. No matter how often he dealt with her attitude, somehow she still managed to surprise him.

"Keep trying to talk to him," she suggested. "You're a master of kung fu, right? You should be familiar with persistence."

"Oh, so everything I say actually doesn't go out the other ear!" he exclaimed, acting completely shocked just to get on her nerves. "Wow!"

"You're lucky I'm tired," she replied, then lifted her arms in the air and arched her back to stretch. "If I wasn't, I'd be a lot less forgiving."

He looked away as she stretched; he wasn't exactly sure why the impulse struck him, but it just felt rude to look. "Do you really think that you are capable of intimidating me in any way, shape, or form?"

"Talk to Tai Lung," she replied. "And don't yell at him for anything."

"So I ignore the fact that he wanted to go into the village without my consent or knowledge?" Shifu turned to glare at her, relieved to find that she was no longer stretching. "How do you propose I do that?"

"I dunno, just do. Kids learn by testing boundaries and breaking rules, that's their nature. It's nature in general! It's how creatures evolve, how entire societies are formed- the nature of sentient life itself. So try, for just a few minutes of your old-ass life, to be understanding."

"You're not only an expert on child-rearing, but a philosopher as well, now!" Speaking of ingrained natures, he should have known that asking her anything at all would inevitably lead to a fight.

"Look, it's easy. Think of it as practice for actual social interaction. Try not to be so grumpy and antisocial, just for one conversation. I mean, lookit me! I tried it, and now I have a job and a place to live. And Tai Lung talks to me."

"Don't remind me."

Lin let out an annoyed snort and began preparing the tea, rummaging through the cabinets for tea leaves and a pot. "You came to me about this, y'know. I coulda just let you flounder around like an ass, but I decided to try to help you out, because I am being nice, like the glorious being that I am. All I'm suggesting is that you do the same for Tai Lung. Trust me."

He blinked, staring at her back as she poured boiling water into a cast iron pot. Against his will, he recalled the things that Oogway had said to him about trust. He trusted in his Master more than anyone else in the world, and his Master wanted him to trust in a woman whose identity he wasn't even sure of- a woman who referred to herself as a "glorious being." So, despite his hesitancy, he nodded once, curtly.

"You should try not being all business all the time," she went on. "I mean, there's more to you 'an just being a strict angry kung fu master. I think so, at least, even if you are annoying."

Shifu blinked, completely caught off-guard by that. "Why are you being so nice to me?" he asked warily.

"It's probably a lack of sleep," she replied. "And, y'know, for Tai Lung. I mean, I kinda know how he feels."

"And how is that?" he asked sharply, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. He waited for her to say something completely out of line or give him a lecture, but she once again surprised him.

"I dunno," she answered lightly, shrugging. "Lonely. I guess." She let out a very fake-sounding cough. "Anyway, back to the topic at hand. If you're gonna talk to Tai Lung, he's gotta feel relaxed, first. There're ways to get him to open up more, if you can muster up some tact."

"Like what?" he asked, and held back on making any comments about her own tact because, for once, he was interested in what she had to say.

"Well, as loathe as I am to admit it, I think it'd help if we got along a little better." She paused and they both stewed in awkward silence for a few long moments. "The thing is, I think Tai Lung watches us go at it to get a sense of what kinda moods we're in. If we get along, he'll feel like you're in a very very good mood."

"For how long, do you think?" He couldn't imagine getting along with Lin for more than perhaps five minutes, and even that much was a stretch.

"An entire meal, at least." She grabbed two tea cups from a nearby cabinet and poured the tea. She finally returned to her seat and handed him one cup.

"Try thinking of something else."

"Oh, c'mon. All we gotta do is go a half hour without fighting. I'll refrain from intentionally annoying you, and you..." She paused, sipping thoughtfully at her tea. "Well, try not to have an aneurysm at everything I say, for one."

"That would be a little bit easier if you could hold back on the ridiculous stories. You can't expect me to sit there and let you blatantly lie to Tai Lung about yourself," he shot back. "For instance, do you really expect me to believe that you have ever so much as laid eyes on a pirate? Honestly, you're not some extraordinary traveler, you're just some girl from a small town trying to make her way in the world."

"Yep," she replied, surprisingly enough. She didn't even attempt to argue or claim completely outlandish things about herself. "I am. Just like you, right?" She even reached out and punched his arm. "So when'd you venture outta your village, little girl?"

"Har har," he grumbled sarcastically, then for reason unbeknownst even to himself, he actually answered the question. "I was about six or seven."

"Wow. I probably wasn't even born yet."

"Yes, I get it, I'm old," he replied, then suddenly realized that she'd actually revealed something about herself. "Wait- how old are you?"

"A lady never answers a question like that." She tilted her head up haughtily as she drank her tea. Then she paused and furrowed her brow. "How old're you, anyway?" She seemed genuinely curious.

"...Why?" Shifu still had reason to doubt her; for all he knew it could be another one of her setups, and he'd be on the receiving end of some nasty insults.

"It's just that I've been making these cracks about how old you are, but I don't actually know... Y'know... How old you are." She shrugged. "I was just wondering."

"I still don't trust you," he admitted, and he meant it in more ways than one.

"Aww, c'mon. How could it hurt? I already make funna you all the time." She had a point.

"...Fine. I'm thirty-seven, happy?" He braced himself for a bombardment of jokes, for laughter, for pretty much anything she could throw his way.

However, she just stared at him.

"Oh, it's not that old!" he snapped.

"Sorry, sorry," she replied, blinking. "It's just... Weird. That's all. It's weird."

"What's weird?"

"Nothing's weird. It's just someone I used to know... It's a coincidence. Anyway, knowledge is power, so I guess I better get to work on my new shtick." She let out a bark of laughter. "I'll see what I can throw together with a mid-life crisis theme."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically.

"And don't worry, I'll still call you old. For old times' sake."

"That was just horrible." He crossed his arms and leaned back in his seat, thinking about the advice Lin had given him. He wished that he could find something wrong with it, but it seemed sound. "...I'll talk to Tai Lung tomorrow."

"That's the spirit," she encouraged, and downed the rest of her tea. "It shouldn't be too hard. Look, we're already getting along!" She shot him a large grin and set her empty cup down in front of him, then stood up and brushed herself off. "How's about you clean up as a gesture of good will?" Before he could answer, she gave him a hard pat on the back that caused him to jerk forward in his seat. "Thanks, friend." With that, she practically ran out of the kitchen.

Shifu glared after her, but decided that the battle was not worth fighting, especially since they were supposed to try to get along in front of Tai Lung. He honestly didn't know why he'd listened to Lin in the first place; he felt like he was going soft, especially in the head. He briefly thought of just giving up and trusting her like Master Oogway had told him to, but he knew already that he was incapable of such a thing. For the time being, he would just have to follow his Master's advice, as difficult as that would be. And, even though it was another area that he seemed to have trouble with, he was definitely not going to get roped into cleaning the kitchen again. He hoped.

A/N: Interesting note of the day: Shangba is an actual Chinese village, and it is actually known as "the Village of Death," because of its high cancer rate (most likely caused by polluted water). The actual Shangba is not a coastal village (as far as I know). Also, wokou are Japanese pirates who raided the coasts of China and Korea, though around the mid 1500s their forces became mainly Chinese. The~ More~ You~ Know~!

And of course the obligatory "next chapter" blurb: Shifu and Tai Lung talk! Will Tai Lung really get to go to the village? You'll see.

Oh, and sorry for getting rid of Oogway. I swear that there's an actual plot-relevant reason, and I'm not just being lazy. Cross my heart and hope to die. In any case, seeya in two weeks.