A/N: Get ready for this epic opening scene- you guys are finally going to get to witness one of Lin and Oogway's morning chats. Which are actually not really epic. Oh, and I finally got my chapter length under control. Hooray! Anyway- I know I'm getting repetitive but you readers/reviewers really keep me going. Thanks! And enjoy the chapter.
Disclaimer: Never owned KFP, never will.
Chapter 20: Life is Too Short to Drink Bad Wine
Lin yawned loudly as she trudged up the stairs leading to the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. For the past couple of days she had been contemplating the conversation she'd had with Shifu, which had led to some sleepless nights- more so than usual, anyway. There had been something between them that night, something that had never been there before. She couldn't quite put her finger on what, though. Maybe there actually was a friendship budding between them, however dysfunctional and enraging it could be. Or maybe she had simply let her attraction get the better of her. It was just her luck that she seemed to have a thing for short, pudgy middle-aged men with big ears. And adorable whiskers. And those blue eyes didn't help, either. She hated to admit it, but she was an absolute sucker for blue eyes. Not to mention his sarcastic wit, his hilariously short temper, the way he grunted in surprise whenever he tasted something he really liked for the first time...
She stopped short just as she reached the top of the stairs, as she suddenly realized exactly what she had been thinking, and who she had been thinking it about. "I'm so royally screwed," she groaned. Although, maybe if she simply stopped there and didn't acknowledge it, even in her own mind, it wouldn't count.
"I am sorry to hear that," Oogway informed her from where he was performing his morning tai chi under the peach tree. "The sun has not even risen yet, and already you are screwed? Well, at least your day can only get better from here."
"Not likely," she huffed pessimistically as she approached the tree and began to climb it to collect her daily ration of peaches. Going was a little tougher with only one arm, but she'd be damned if she let a little thing like that get between her and the best peaches she'd ever tasted.
"Life is what you make of it, Lin," he replied serenely as he crouched down low and slowly moved his arms in a semi-circle in front of him. "If you believe that good things will happen, then good things will happen."
"Y'know, I tried that once." She managed to scramble up into the third row of branches, where some very ripe peaches awaited her. She could smell their deliciously sweet scent wafting halfway across the grounds, and just thinking of how juicy they must be made her mouth water. "And guess what happened."
"What?" A note of amusement entered his voice; he probably knew what was coming.
"Bad shit happened," she answered, then picked her first peach of the morning. She brought it up to her nose and inhaled deeply, allowing the sweet smell to relax her. "But I guess you kinda got a point. Sure, I'll probably have a crappy day. But at least I got the little things to keep me happy." She grinned as she imagined herself biting into the peach, savoring every inch of its juicy flesh right in front of Shifu, and the irritated scowl that would inevitably appear on his face.
Oogway's soft chuckle snapped her out of the daydream. "You are easily pleased, aren't you?"
"Oh, you have no idea." She rolled her eyes at herself, and the fact that the thought of annoying Shifu had gotten her so incredibly jazzed. She continued to pick peaches as they fell into a companionable silence and she tried very hard not to contemplate the unpredictable turn her life had taken. It had only been a couple of months ago that things had been, if not uncomplicated, then at least manageable. She'd known where she stood, what to expect, and where to go. She'd known what she'd wanted and how to get it. And somehow, that had all disappeared from the very first moment she'd stepped foot in the Valley of Peace.
She looked down at Oogway and watched him calmly go through his tai chi routine; he always seemed so sure of everything, so completely unfazed. Maybe she should take him up on his offer to talk about something heavier than their normal banter. It couldn't hurt, anyway. "Hey. That offer to, y'know, talk about stuff... Is that still open?"
"Of course it is." He turned and smiled up at her as he stepped out to the side, extending his leg much farther than she'd thought possible.
"Well... I dunno. I just been feeling kinda lost, lately." She momentarily gave up her peach-picking and stretched out to lay on her stomach across the branch she'd been sitting on, resting her chin on her good arm. "I feel like my life isn't really my life anymore, 'cause nothing's really... What I'm used to. It's all so weird." She let out a low sigh and stared despondently out over the valley as she tried to find the right words. "I wish I could be sure of myself. Sure of anything in my whole freaking life."
Oogway paused in his exercises and blinked at her, then snorted in amusement. And then he said something that made her do a double-take. "Same here."
"Say what?" She couldn't help but be shocked at that; after all, Oogway was nearly a thousand years old. She'd thought someone who'd been around for that long would've had it all figured out- and he certainly acted as though he did. "Wait a minute. This is going to be something wise and profound, isn't it?"
"I am afraid so." He gave an apologetic shrug, then went on. "That is life, I am afraid. There is no way of being sure of anything. But we manage. Sometimes, it is nice to not be so sure."
"Yeah, I guess." Even as the words left her mouth, she remembered the words she had spoken to Tai Lung, that conversation they'd had on the roof of the barracks that seemed like ages ago. Never guess- know. And even though it really wasn't all that long ago, she felt like a different person than the one who had said those words. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. "Y'know what?"
"What?" He seemed to sense that she'd been somewhat comforted, and returned to his routine.
"Maybe I'm not sure of a lotta things. But you're right. Where's the fun in always knowing what's coming?" It was then that she remembered a bit of wisdom from her grandmother, something she should have remembered from the very beginning. "I just gotta be sure of who I am. Then I'll be good to go."
"That's the spirit."
Even though the pep talk had cheered her up, she was now faced with another problem. In order to be sure of who she was, she needed to acknowledge and accept every aspect of herself- the good and the bad. Which meant that she needed to acknowledge and, unfortunately, accept her feelings as well. "There's just one problem."
"What would that be?" He still sounded calm, as if nothing she said could possibly surprise him.
"I got a boner for Shifu," she admitted.
He faltered in his smooth motions, lurching forward as his eyes widened a bit. Then, he completely dropped his stance and stared up at her, a vague look of consternation on his face. "Really?"
"Yeah," she groaned, burying her face in her arm and letting out an annoyed grunt. "Don't ask me why or how. I can't even fathom it myself. All I know is, a full-bodied wine and a handful of that ass wouldn't be a bad way to end the day." She couldn't even believe she'd just said that. "I must have a thing for fat doofuses."
"It would appear so."
The fact that she had not laughed at Oogway's implication that he also thought Shifu was a fat doofus proved just how unsettled she was. "There's more," she grumbled as she finally lifted her head from her forearm and managed to face him.
"Oh dear." He seemed to have completely given up his tai chi, and was staring expectantly up at her, waiting for her to go on.
"I think there're... Emotions involved as well." She could have really used a drink in that moment.
"You mean... You have a crush?" He didn't sound accusing, or even that curious; he sounded as though he were a doctor simply trying to diagnose a problem.
She really did not want to answer that. But she had to. It would be good for her... Inner growth and such. She would feel better if she just stopped denying it and said it out loud. "...Yeah," she finally said, in an incredibly strained voice.
He didn't answer her at first; in fact, he looked contemplative, as if he were really considering the implications of what she'd just told him. Either that, or he was thinking of some way to tell her that she was being totally ridiculous. Then, he licked his lips, opened his mouth and said, "Interesting."
"That's it?" She realized that she had no reason to be so testy, but still... A thousand years worth of knowledge and wisdom, and that was all he had to say on the matter? "This isn't interesting, it's horrific! It's the worst thing that's happened to me since- since-"
"You fled Shanghai?" he offered.
"Yeah! Since that!" She let her good arm fall off the side of the branch and dangle loosely below her. "I dunno what to do."
"I have an idea." He paused, then shot a wry smile up at her. "You could tell him how you feel."
"You're loving this, aren't you?"
"Every moment," he confirmed.
"Just kill me," she implored, then once again buried her face in her arm. "I might as well be dead. I mean, it doesn't get much worse 'an this. I should know, I been through it before. After three years, you'd think I'd learn my lesson. You'd think I'd freaking grow up already!" She had thought that she'd outgrown such foolishness, but apparently not. Apparently not even logic could override pheromones. "I must be insane."
"No arguments here." That had not been Oogway's voice. It had not even been close to Oogway's voice.
Lin felt her blood literally run cold as she slowly lifted her head and stared down at Shifu, who was standing at the top of the steps; with his huge ears he must have heard a good deal of the conversation. She had never felt so utterly doomed in her entire life. All she could do was stare, her mouth slightly open, as the blood completely drained from her face.
Oogway looked vaguely surprised to see him, too, though that surprise soon faded to an expression of distinct interest. "How good of you to join our conversation, old friend."
"Master," he greeted with a respectful bow. Then, once he'd straightened up, he narrowed his eyes at Lin. "What?"
She tried to gulp, but there was no saliva left in her mouth. Still, she managed to rasp out a reply. "H-How much did you hear?"
"Apparently you would like someone to kill you," he told her. "Which explains a lot."
"Wait- nothing before that?" She could feel her heart begin to beat again as a glimmer of hope shimmered before her.
"No, I don't make it a habit to eavesdrop," he snapped, though he spoke with complete sincerity. Then, he sarcastically added, "But thank you for implying that I do."
She had never been so relieved in her life. "Yes!" she shouted, then let her head fall back onto the branch with a painful thud. "That was better than an orgasm."
Shifu looked confused and alarmed at her behavior. "Please tell me what I just did so that I may never repeat it again."
Meanwhile, Oogway simply laughed and shook his head. "You are one lucky dog."
Lin decided that it would be best to distract Shifu from what had just happened, just to be sure. "Hey, anyone got suggestions for breakfast? I don't wanna make rice porridge again, and I'm kinda stumped."
"Don't look at me," Oogway replied, and picked up his staff from where he'd leaned it against the tree. "I have not been near a stove or an oven in over a hundred years- that peach pie not withstanding."
"C'mon, Pudge." She turned to Shifu, resisting the urge to smile at how irritated he looked at the nickname. "You got something in mind, right?"
"Not those peaches, for one," he huffed, crossing his arms. "And you should not be climbing trees to begin with, in your current condition."
"Don't be such a grandma. Oogway was here, he coulda caught me if I fell. Or are you just mad that someone else took your job? I could fall outta here on purpose, if you wanna feel useful." She realized belatedly that her taunting was far too flirtatious for her own liking, but she simply gave her normal smug grin and hoped that he was as dense as always.
"I can't guarantee that I will attempt to catch you, but go ahead." He didn't seem to notice.
"If you will excuse me," Oogway interrupted, and headed for the stairs. "I think I should get out of here before the sexual tension in the air becomes too thick for me to breathe." With a wink, he was gone.
Lin tried not to let the comment faze her, but she could already feel the heat rising in her face. She comforted herself with the fact that Shifu had turned a bit red as well, though probably only because someone had said the word "sexual" within his range of hearing.
He was actually the one to break the awkward silence that had followed the statement. "I... I think I just vomited a little bit into my mouth."
"You just vomited in your mouth? How d'you think I feel? I might as well skip breakfast, that was a meal in itself!" She let out a derisive laugh and tried not to let his comment get to her too much; this was the kind of thing they said to each other all the time. It was just a joke.
"You horrify me." He eyed her for a moment, which made her just a little uncomfortable. "Are you getting down from there any time soon? Or am I going to have to go up there and rescue you?"
She threw a peach at him in response to that particular jab. "I toldya I could handle this. How's about you concentrate your big head on thinking up something to make for breakfast?" She finally sat up and stretched, letting out a quiet yawn.
"My head is not big," he grumbled, then turned a bit red again, and turned away to examine the ground. His behavior was just a little strange, but she decided not to comment; after all, she was telling the truth about her indecision over breakfast, and if she started a fight with him, he'd never give her a suggestion. "...What about those breakfast dumplings?" he finally asked. "You... You like those, right?"
She narrowed her eyes at him as she realized exactly what was going on. "I can see right through you," she informed him. "I know what's going on in that mind of yours."
"You do?" He sounded a bit panicked, and he finally turned to face her again, a resolute look on his face. "I- I know what you must be thinking-"
"Stow it." She held out her hand to silence him, enjoying her position of power a little too much. "The only reason you came up here to begin with was 'cause you wanted those dumplings again. Admit it. They're your favorite."
He blinked up at her, looking momentarily confused, then slowly nodded his head. "Yes," he finally admitted. "You are exactly right. Completely. That is one hundred percent true."
"I'm always right. The sooner you internalize that, the better." She grabbed one last peach and dropped it into her bag, then began her descent from the peach tree. "But I'll make those dumplings for you. They're pretty easy, and Tai Lung likes 'em too. But you're gonna hafta pay the price- cleanup duty." She managed to make it to the ground without incident, which was a relief since she could see from the way Shifu had tensed that he was expected her to fall.
"Very well," he agreed, surprisingly. "But you'll have to wear your weight."
"Fine." She shoved her bag of peaches into his arms, then headed for the kitchen. "Come with me, assistant." There was just something so wonderful about calling him that, even though he was more in the way than anything else when it came to cooking. Still, it was nice to have someone else on cleanup duty. "And don't let me catch you sneaking tastes again."
"That was one time. And you should not forget that you still need to run through your morning exercises."
She had a feeling that she was going to need a very big drink by the end of the day.
"Inner peace. I-Inner peace. Inner peace." Shifu gritted his teeth as he attempted to calm himself enough to meditate properly, but he had been at it for half an hour already, and he had a feeling that it simply was not going to work. "Inner peace." Scratch that. He knew that it was not going to work.
With a heavy sigh he opened his eyes and slumped forward, glaring balefully at the candles in front of him. He had been in turmoil for the past couple of days, ever since that night he'd questioned Lin. While he would have liked to simply ignore what was happening to him, such an action was not in his nature. He had always been the kind of person to face his problems head on, but this particular problem was one that he had been having extreme difficulty facing. Not only did it disturb him on a deep, personal level, but the cause simply eluded him no matter how he tried to pinpoint it.
That night, after he'd finished speaking to Lin and had gone to bed, he'd simply been unable to fall asleep. He'd tossed and turned fitfully all night, with no real reason as to why. He had concluded that he'd had too much on his mind, seeing as he had been unable to stop thinking about their conversation. In fact, ever since that night he had been thinking about Lin- after all, there were just as many unanswered questions weighing on his mind as ever, and some new ones had been raised as well. For instance, he wondered what the source of her hatred for merchants could possibly be; there was no way she simply hated them on principle. He was also curious about her vague story about the bandits raiding her camp- surely she had been traveling with someone, since no group of bandits in their right minds would put so much energy into ransacking a single person's camp.
Even though these concerns weighed heavily on his mind, there had been times when he had found himself actually thinking about Lin herself, about what she did in her spare time or about what she would have to say on a certain subject. He spent enough of his day with her as it was, and now she was invading the few moments of peace he actually did have. He knew that the best way to deal with his frustration would be to meditate to calm himself, but no matter how he tried he simply could not. He had attempted to talk with Master Oogway about the issue, but the old master's response to his explanation of the problem had been, "Shifu, you are thirty-seven years old. Surely you know by now what a crush is." Of course, Oogway was only blunt and direct at precisely the wrong time.
Obviously, his master had just been teasing him; it must have been his way of telling Shifu to relax. Although, Master Oogway's comment earlier in the day about "sexual tension" had most decidedly not contributed toward that goal. Shifu cringed just at the notion of his master saying something like that, let alone it being directed toward him and Lin, of all people. He admitted that he had developed a certain concern for her well-being, and even on some level enjoyed their usual banter; he would even admit (though only to himself) that he had developed a sense of amicability toward her, and since their talk had begun to see her as less of a nuisance and more of a peer.
Still, none of those things added up to attraction in any sense of the word. Sure, her smile had a tendency to light up the room, and he supposed her big brown eyes and thick lashes could be considered pretty- but that did not necessarily mean that he found her attractive. For starters, she had entirely too much fur; she looked like a dandelion, one with a gigantic, curly, fluffy tail. And she always had bags under her eyes from her glaring lack of sleep. Then there was that little fang that always stuck out of the left side of her mouth- he didn't care how cute it happened to be, it was still a snaggletooth. On top of all that, she carried herself and dressed in a glaringly masculine way. Obviously, there could never be anything even bordering on sexual tension between them.
He cursed to himself as he realized that he was sitting alone in his room, thinking about a woman whose mere presence was enough to enrage him. "I need to get out more," he concluded sourly, then stood up and stretched out his legs and back. It was getting rather late, and he was not about to toss and turn all night over such a trivial matter. If he couldn't meditate, then perhaps some tea would soothe his frazzled nerves. At least, he thought that tea would soothe his frazzled nerves until he actually got to the kitchen.
Of course Lin was there; she spent almost all of her time either in the kitchen or napping under the peach tree. He didn't know why he expected any different. He hesitated, teetering on indecision as he peered into the kitchen; if he were to judge by experience, his chances of catching her in a good mood were about fifty/fifty. And bad moods aside, he felt rather strange being around her after he'd just been thinking about her in such a way. Still, he wanted tea.
She started humming some tune he couldn't recognize, though it sounded simple and cheerful, like a children's rhyme- meaning that she was most likely in a good mood. She clapped a couple of times as she hummed and climbed up onto the countertop to rummage through the cabinets for something, and finished up the tune with increased exuberance as she found what she'd been looking for: a bottle of amber liquid. She then tore out the cork with her teeth and proceeded to take a long swig of the stuff.
"Are you drinking?" He forgot all about his reservations in his anger and walked into the kitchen, crossing his arms as he glared up at where she was still perched on the counter.
She raised her eyebrows at him, then took another drink from the bottle. "Are you spying on me?" she shot back incredulously.
"No!" he snapped. "I came in here for tea!" He couldn't believe that she had the nerve to drink in the barracks, when Tai Lung was sleeping right down the hall. "And instead I found you!"
"That's too bad." She sat down on the countertop with a loud sigh. "Sounds like you're having a stressful evening. Want some?"
"No! Of course not!" He was not about to stand around and let her make fun of him; this was one rule that he was putting his foot down on. "Now put that alcohol away."
"Nah," she replied, then drank from the bottle again.
Shifu was done arguing; he simply marched up to her, grabbed hold of the bottle, and tore it from her grasp. "You are never to drink anywhere on the grounds again- is that clear?"
She glared down at him, then grabbed for the bottle; he was too fast for her, of course, and pulled it out of her reach just in time. "Don't you dare pour that out!" she snapped, then hopped off the counter and went for the bottle again. "Liquor's expensive, y'know!"
"Then you should not have bought it in the first place," he replied, raising the bottle high above his head; he may not have been that much taller than her, but she would need to practically climb on top of him to reach it, which was something she would never do.
Lin's scowl deepened as she glared at him. "I don't make a lotta money, y'know. If you wanna throw that out, you're paying me for it."
"Not likely," he scoffed.
"I'm serious. I will strangle you with my bare hands." She paused to glance down at her sling. "...Hand," she corrected.
"If you are attempting to intimidate me, it is not working." He did not drop his guard; he knew that most of her threats were empty, although he had a feeling that dinner for the next few nights was going to be rather spicy. "I will not let you drink here at the Jade Palace at any time, for any reason- do you understand me?"
She continued to glare at him a moment, then suddenly blinked and relaxed a bit; he could practically see the gears turning in her head. She'd just thought of a brand new way to torment him, he knew it. "Y'know what? Yeah, I do understand you."
"What are you going to do?" he asked quickly, and despite his best effort not to back down, he still took a step back.
She took another step toward him, a grin slowly spreading across her face. "Nothing," she lied, then reached out and poked him in the stomach. "Cork up that bottle and put it back- I still wanna cook with it."
"You cook with this stuff?" He wrinkled his nose at the idea; it smelled horrific.
"'Course I do. It was in that soup I made that one time, y'know, with the scallions and the little wontons-"
"What? You can't put this into something you are serving to my son!"
"Oh, relax. The alcohol cooks off, anyone who knows anything about cooking'll tell you that. Now put the bottle away, we got a big night ahead of us." With that, she turned around and headed for the door.
"Wait!" He decided that he would have to dispose of her liquor some other time, and quickly corked the bottle and returned it to the cabinet before going after her. He managed to catch up to Lin at the bottom of the barracks stairs, but she didn't even slow down for him. "Where are you going?" He wasn't planning on following her around all night, but he at least wanted to make sure she wasn't going to do anything stupid.
"To a bar." She ran her fingers through her fur, then sniffed her uninjured armpit.
"You can't go to a bar! You're injured! What if something happens?" He realized that he sounded rather overprotective, but it was better than letting her go off galavanting all night.
The look she gave him was completely deadpan. "Are you serious?"
"Of course I am!" He got in front of her to block her from leaving. "I will not, I can not allow you to put yourself in danger." He crossed his arms and glared at her, to make it absolutely clear that he was not so easily dismissed.
She simply rolled her eyes at him. "Sure, I'm in danger. That's why I got you here to escort me, mister big strong kung fu master! 'Cause I ain't sitting around in front of a buncha scented candles like you do all night."
"It's called meditation," he grumbled, offended.
"Y'know what I call it? Boring. So c'mon, we're gonna go grab some drinks." She suddenly reached out and grabbed him by the hand, then gave him a yank. "Time's a-wasting!"
"W-wait!" He had gotten so flustered at being manhandled by her that he actually allowed her to drag him along with her. "I don't drink," he argued weakly as he felt a blush rising to his face- out of embarrassment, of course; not only was it humiliating to allow himself to be treated in such a way by his own cook, but he noted grudgingly that her hands were larger than his.
"Everybody drinks," she argued immediately. "And I know you wanna come with me. Admit it! You're curious." She glanced back at him and pursed her lips in an expression that was halfway between amused and exasperated. "You're dressed kinda fancy, but whatever, it's acceptable."
"What?" He couldn't tell whether that was an insult or not.
"We're just going to a dive. You really think I frequent any nice places? On my salary? Hah!"
He supposed that he should go along with her, just to make sure that she didn't injure herself any further. After all, she was nearly done healing, and he would hate to have to look after her for any longer than necessary. He doubted that he would be able to actually stop her from going down into the village, anyway; if he did, she would just sneak off later in the night after he'd fallen asleep. And, even though it was the last thing he wanted to admit, he knew that if he stayed behind he would worry about her.
"Don't embarrass me, though," she warned. "I can already tell you're gonna be a lightweight, so try to make it look like you're drinking more 'an you actually are."
He honestly didn't understand why he worried about her, but he did. "I won't be drinking at all."
She barked out a loud laugh. "Good one! Now, whaddaya know about drinking?"
"That it's horrible for you."
"I got a lot to tell you on the way there, then. First off, you gotta know how to avoid throwing up, which is my speci-al-i-ty, since I come from a family of vomiters."
He briefly contemplated gnawing his own arm off to get away. However, he had somehow gotten himself into such a mess, and he would have to deal with it. Besides, how bad could it possibly be?
Tai Lung went through his morning routine as usual, yawning loudly as he made his bed; he had already swept his room and stretched in preparation for the day's training, and the morning gong would soon be sounding. He rushed a little bit more than he should have, but if he was even slightly late, Master Shifu would not be happy. And since Master Shifu had been unhappy in general lately, he wasn't going to take any chances.
He could understand why, though- as much as he liked Lin, she was still a girl, and girls were host to a number of diseases (the dreaded cootie being the most famous of the germs); he would be upset, too, if he had a crush on a girl. Although, as far as girls went, Lin was about as cool as it got. Sure, she didn't know kung fu, but that didn't stop her from fighting- and she was funny, too, and knew pretty much everything about everything, and her cooking was really good. Besides, she liked Master Shifu back, so there was really no reason for him to be so bent out of shape all the time.
Or maybe Master Shifu was just nervous, because his crush on Lin was supposed to be a secret. Tai Lung could understand that, too. However, if it was supposed to be a secret, he wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it. He was always making excuses to be near her and staring at her and muttering angrily under his breath about her. It was unfortunate, sure, what with girls being gross and all, but he wasn't doing himself any favors.
The morning gong rang just as Tai Lung was finishing up with his bed, and he leaped to his feet and stepped out the door, standing ramrod straight in the hallway as always, and said, "Good morning, Master."
He was greeted by complete silence.
He took the chance of glancing toward the end of the hallway, and found that there was no one standing there. "Master?" he called out, just in case Master Shifu was right around the corner.
There was no answer.
This had never happened before. He was starting to get a little nervous; if Master Shifu hadn't come to greet him at the morning gong, then something really monumental must have happened. He hesitated to leave his doorway- after all, he might get in trouble- but decided that it was worth it. He knew exactly who to go to for answers, too: Lin. If something big had happened, she would know about it, and even better, she was easy to find. Besides, he was getting really hungry.
However, it was clear once he stepped foot in the kitchen that nothing horrible had happened, because Lin was making breakfast as she always did, albeit with a slightly more cheerful bounce in her step than usual. "G'morning, kid," she greeted happily. "Guess who got ahold of some eggs this morning!"
"You went all the way down to the village this early just for eggs?" Now that was out of the ordinary.
"Well, I was already down there, anyway. Eat up!" She carried to the table a bowl that smelled absolutely delicious. When he looked in it he found rice, two fried eggs, some type of red sauce, and raw shredded cabbage waiting for him.
"Looks good." As hungry as he was, he was still curious about where his master had gotten to. "Master Shifu didn't greet me this morning," he told her, watching her for any kind of reaction; if possible, she just looked even happier. "D'you know where he is?"
"Well, this is just a guess, but he's probably still in bed," she answered, a smug note entering her voice. "With a hangover."
"A what?" He wondered if that was yet another disease one could contract from female contact.
"It's what happens when you drink too much. And lemme tell you, kid, the old man definitely drank too much." She then chuckled evilly to herself as she no doubt imagined the pain that Master Shifu was in.
Tai Lung wrinkled his nose; her crush was almost as obvious as Master Shifu's was. "He doesn't drink, though."
"I guess that's why he can't hold his liquor." She turned to the stove and started cooking for herself, cracking a couple of eggs into a pan. "I dragged him down to a bar last night and made him do shots with me."
"Then how come you don't have a hangover?" He still didn't quite understand what a hangover was, though. It was apparently pretty unpleasant, judging by how happy Lin was that Master Shifu had gotten one.
"'Cause for me, there's no such thing as too much alcohol." She paused and turned to raise an eyebrow at him. "But you understand that drinking and going to bars is an adult thing, right?"
"Right," he agreed. While drinking and going to bars did seem to be a lot of fun, he didn't want to end up like Master Shifu, either. "So a hangover... It's like being sick, right?"
"Yep," she replied, then served herself some eggs and joined him at the table. "Melon-head's probably not gonna be too happy when he finally wakes up."
He grimaced as he imagined just how painful his training would be under a sick, grumpy kung fu master. "Maybe you should go easy on him," he suggested.
She just laughed at the statement. "Oh, that's a good one!" She continued to chuckle even after she shoveled a spoonful of eggs and rice into her mouth.
Tai Lung sighed, shaking his head. It was about time he ran interference, if not for Lin's sake then at least for Master Shifu's. And since being blunt and direct was the only way to deal with either of them, that was the route he would have to take. "I think you have trouble expressing your feelings."
Lin swallowed her food and raised her eyebrows at him. "What did you just say to me?" she asked, sounding completely taken aback.
"You heard me." He feigned nonchalance by digging into his own breakfast. "You have trouble expressing your feelings."
"Oh yeah? How?"
He paused to glance at her, and she had momentarily abandoned her own breakfast as she waited expectantly for his answer, tapping one finger on the table in a way that would be menacing only to someone who knew her well. He hesitated, since she looked so confrontational, but then he remembered that he could probably get away from her easily enough. So, he took a deep breath and braced himself. "You have a crush on Master Shifu."
Lin just stared at him with a completely deadpan expression on her face. After a long, uncomfortable silence, she spoke. "You're kidding."
"Nope," he replied. "I'm really observant. I mean, I notice a lot of things..." He trailed off when she neither moved nor changed her expression. "Okay, you're creeping me out."
"That's because you're seven, and you're trying to psychoanalyze me," she replied flatly.
"Well, I'm just saying that maybe if you tried being nice to him, it might... Well, work better." He shrugged, still disconcerted by her lack of reaction. "I mean... I'm rooting for you. Kinda. As long as I don't think of how gross it'd be if you guys kissed or something." He shuddered just mentioning it.
"Okay, now you're grossing me out," she replied, wrinkling her nose. "And I am nice to Shifu. I took him out drinking, for one. And I was nice other times. Like... Like that time I..." She trailed off, furrowing her brow. "Well, I don't need to go around giving examples of how wonderful and kind I am."
"Which means you're not nice to him," he pointed out.
"I cook every single meal for him, don't I?" she huffed. "Ain't that nice enough?"
"You're getting paid to do that." He wasn't going to let her off so easily, though. He could already tell that she was going to need some help if she was going to get anywhere at all, and while it really would be gross if she and Master Shifu kissed, he wanted her to succeed. After all, lately he'd felt like they were kind of a family- a dysfunctional, confrontational, angry family, but still a family. So why not make it official?
"Y'know what? It's nice enough that I don't smack him upside the head every time the man opens his mouth," she snapped back.
"Actually, I think you'd seem nicer if you did that instead of what you usually do. And what you usually do is completely blow up, point out all his flaws, throw something-"
"Okay, I get it," she gave in. "I'll go against my nature and try to be a little nicer. Happy?"
"You'll be thanking me later." He attempted to pick the cabbage out of his breakfast while she was busy sulking over his advice, but he got caught.
"You need your vegetables," she insisted. "Especially if you want me to be nice to the goober."
"Goober? That's a new one." He gave in and ate the cabbage; fighting with Lin about anything was like trying to swim upstream. He would just end up getting worn out and carried off by the current. "You're serious, though, right? Because I'm getting tired of watching you guys duke it out."
She actually looked a little sheepish at that comment. "I know the fighting's been getting kinda outta hand lately. I'll try not to start anything in front of you, okay?"
"That's not really what I was asking." He was actually surprised that she didn't yell at him or try to change the subject.
"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "Well, you got the day off, now. Whaddaya wanna do?"
"Sorry, no such thing as a day off." As he finished up the last of his breakfast his mind turned to the training hall; he still had such a long way to go before he could make Master Shifu proud that a day off now seemed abhorrent.
"As happy as I am that you're learning work ethic at an early age, you gotta relax sometimes, too," she argued, as she always did.
He stood up from the table and headed for the door, just to make sure that she didn't try to hold him up. "I'll relax at meals. Seeya!" He ran out before she had time to protest and made a beeline for the training hall. Besides the fact that he actually needed the practice, he also didn't want to be caught slacking off when Master Shifu did wake up, undoubtedly in a horrible mood. He just hoped that Lin would actually take his advice and try to be nice- or at least tone down her constant verbal abuse.
Although, if he knew anything at all about Lin, he should already know that she wouldn't listen to him. If anything, she would probably be even meaner to Master Shifu. Still, it had been worth a try. And who knew- maybe she would end up surprising him.
He snorted at that thought. He knew her too well for that.
A/N: Oh, Shifu. He's so obvious to everyone but himself (and Lin). Of course, I had to have the obligatory "getting drunk together" situation. You'll find out more details on how that went next chapter, I promise. That's all I really have to end with.