A/N: Since you guys seemed to like the heart dust joke, I will reveal its origins to you. Basically, I did exactly what Shifu did (except that I blew a kiss) to my friends one drunken night, shortly before stumbling into my house, passing out in bed, and waking up to my first ever hangover. Ah, good times. Anyway, a big thanks once again to everyone who has read and reviewed, especially to those of you who've been sticking with me. I can't apologize for dragging this out for so long (since it is intentional), but I can say that I hope you're enjoying it as much as possible. :) Now, onward!
Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is property of Dreamworks.
Chapter 22: Love Never Dies of Starvation, but Often of Indigestion
Lin let out a relieved sigh as she slammed the door behind her in the one place Shifu wouldn't dare look for her: the bathhouse. At least, not after she'd walked in on him. She realized that it was probably unreasonable and incredibly suspicious to avoid him as she'd been doing for the past day and a half, but she had never been too good at owning up to embarrassing mistakes. And she had to admit that she'd had few moments more embarrassing than that hug. She honestly didn't know what had possessed her; being overcome by emotion for her usually consisted of a few well-placed punches and a kick to the groin. The last time she had actually initiated a hug she had been a young girl, saying goodbye to her grandmother on the old woman's death bed- and even then she'd gotten a spoon to the head for her trouble. In short, that had been a cake walk compared to the shame and embarrassment that had followed her hugging Shifu.
She was grateful at least that one of her arms was in a sling; she didn't think she would have been able to face him at all the next morning if both arms had been involved in the embrace. It had been bad enough that he'd acted like she was going to just randomly hug him again all through breakfast the morning after, but when he had actually wanted to talk about it and ask her why she'd done it, that was when she'd gone running. And she had been avoiding him as much as possible since then.
She stopped in the entranceway to look at the painting there; it was an ink painting depicting the Jade Palace in the morning, when the grounds were shrouded in a thin blanket of mist. She wondered why it hung in a bathhouse of all places- surely the humidity would destroy the painting in a matter of years.
"That painting is by Master Wei-Shan. He was a student of Master Chen, who had once been a student of kung fu, under Master Oogway."
"Who died and made you DaVinci?" she snapped, without even bothering to turn around; of course Shifu had followed her in there, despite his awkwardness.
"The what?" he asked, clueless as usual to anything that wasn't Chinese.
"Never mind." She supposed she would have to speak to him eventually. "Y'know, I was just thinking about that dumb story of yours. The one about Shanghai when you couldn't even find some punk kid."
"Quan," he corrected. "I had heard that he was a student of Wei-Shan, come to think of it."
"Fascinating," she replied flatly.
"Why did you bring it up if you didn't want to hear about it?" He sounded pretty annoyed.
"To distract you," she answered with some modicum of honesty; after all, she had been thinking about Shanghai, and she had wanted to keep him from asking about the hug. "But you're just too boring for that plan to work out." She finally turned around to face him, mostly because she couldn't stand continuing the conversation while staring at a wall.
He looked about as annoyed as he sounded. "I thought Tai Lung told you to be nice to me."
She couldn't believe he had even brought that up. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't live my life according to what your seven-year-old child tells me to do."
"Well, contrary to your belief I don't live my entire life simply to serve you," he huffed, crossing his arms. "I will remind you- for about the thousandth time- that you asked me to-"
"I know," she interrupted, resisting the temptation to give him a smack upside the head. "But... Well, look." She had been putting off talking about the other night for too long, and this was as good a time as any to get it over with. "I'm pretty much set. I mean, the other night... I wrote, and it turned out, y'know, correctly."
"Wait- you did? It did? It worked?" He sounded like he hadn't expected her to make any progress at all with her left hand.
"Yeah. And that is the end of this discussion, understand?" She pointed menacingly at him, just to make herself clear. "'Cause the events of that night, they never occurred. Therefore, there is nothing to discuss. Y'got that?"
He stared back at her, his expression deadpan, then let out a sigh. "Very well," he agreed. "We will not acknowledge the fact that you hugged me."
"Did you not hear me?"
"Tightly," he added, no doubt just to rub it in her face. "And with great fervor."
"I'm about two seconds away from knocking your block off," she warned; of course he picked right then to give her sass. And she must have really been spending too much time with Shifu if she had actually used the word "sass," even only in her thoughts. "I'm serious, now drop it." She pushed past him and headed into the bathhouse to heat up her water, hoping he would take the hint.
"Now wait a minute." And yet, despite how clear she had made herself, he followed her. "I came to find you for a reason."
"To make me wish I could bore through my eardrums with a rusty spoon?" Maybe she was a being a little harsh on him, but while Shifu definitely had her beat in the impatience area, she wasn't much better.
"Aside from that," he answered; he was getting pretty good with the comebacks. "It is about time that sling came off."
"You're damn straight it is- wait, it is?" She was sure that she looked like a kid in a candy store at the mere thought of finally having her arm free, but she couldn't help herself. "Really?"
"Well, yes. That does not necessarily mean that you'll be able to use your arm right away- you should still take it easy." He sat down on the bench along the wall and patted the space next to him. "Now come here."
"Call me crazy, but this feels kinda ominous." She didn't exactly want to be that close to him after the hug the other night, either. A part of her knew that she was being ridiculous, but an even bigger part of her did not want to be touched.
"You cannot take your bandages off on your own, so just let me do it." He sounded reasonable enough, but she could tell by the way he started speaking more quickly that he was getting annoyed.
"How do I know you're not trying to trick me?" If she was going to avoid actually letting him touch her, then she might as well irritate him at the same time. "I can practically see the gears turning in that big, fat head of yours."
"My head is of a perfectly reasonable size!" he snapped, then paused and took a deep breath. In a somewhat calmer but tense tone, he continued. "But that is not the issue at hand here. I am not trying to trick you, as sorely as I wish I could. I am far too mature for such antics. Now, sit down and let me see your arm."
She didn't budge, though. "Sure, and next thing I know you'll be hugging me again, just like a weepy little girl."
"You were the one who hugged me!"
"You got a witness to verify that story?" She knew that she was acting childish, but if she annoyed him enough he would probably just leave her alone. At least, she hoped that worked; the only thing she could come up with for plan B was getting undressed for her bath, and that wasn't exactly on the top of her list at the moment.
Luckily enough for her, he just kept feeding her more material. "I cannot believe my ears."
"I couldn't either when I first saw the honkers, but you'll get used to 'em." What she really couldn't believe was how easy he always made it for her to insult him.
"Fine, go ahead and mock me," he huffed, crossing his arms and glaring at her. "See if I care when you try to take those bandages off yourself and end up hurting your arm all over again."
Lin glared right back as she weighed her options. If she let him undress her bandages then she would be rid of the sling and able to freely move her arm. However, that would involve sitting next to him and allowing him to actually touch her- being so close to him that she would be able to feel his body heat... Letting him run his hands up and down her arm... Feeling his breath in her ear when he spoke... "Okay, y'got me," she conceded, and was on the bench before she'd even finished her sentence. She had never been good with temptation.
"Well now I'm just wondering why that was so easy," he grumbled, narrowing his eyes at her.
"It's positive reinforcement," she answered easily. "Maybe if I giveya what you want every time you get lucky and blurt out something passable you might actually get clever."
"Oh really? Then why haven't you jumped off the side of the mountain yet?" He leaned in and grabbed her sling, then began working on the knot.
"Hey, watch it!" She flinched back as he tugged at the knot; it wasn't like it hurt or anything, but he had caught her by surprise with how suddenly he'd just grabbed her.
"You'll be fine," he huffed, and shuffled a little closer to her, presumably for a better view.
Lin felt herself blushing, and reached up to rub at her cheek in an attempt to rid herself of the reaction. She was going to have to get over her nervous embarrassment sooner or later, at least if she was going to be able to forget her absolutely ridiculous crush.
"What's wrong, now?" Shifu asked, sounding exasperated.
"Nothing," she grumbled, and turned away so that he wouldn't see the blush.
"Here, I almost have it." He cradled her arm beneath the elbow with one hand while he pulled the sling free of her shoulder with the other, working more gently than she would have ever thought him capable of. "Better?"
"Yeah," she wheezed out, only realizing then that she'd been holding her breath; she felt like an idiot for it. She let out a loud cough to cover herself.
"Are you okay?" Shifu was still holding onto her arm, and one hand strayed to her shoulder in a gesture of concern.
"Yeah, I just breathed in some spit," she lied quickly, and turned to face him just in time to see him roll his eyes at her. "Y'know, you can stop touching me now."
"Sorry," he replied, and let go of her arm.
Lin gingerly stretched out her arm, rubbing at her elbow; it still felt sore, but at least it was usable. And at least she wasn't blushing anymore.
"I should take the bandages off, too," Shifu pointed out, to her utter chagrin.
"Just gimme a minute." She was still recovering from having the sling taken off, she wasn't sure if she could get through any more without giving herself away.
"I'd like to get this over with, if you don't mind," he snapped, reaching for her. He went right for her bandages, luckily, and untied them and started to unwrap them with minimal physical contact.
She just stared straight ahead, waiting in awkward silence for him to finish. She tried to let her mind wander, mostly to keep herself from blushing again, but she couldn't. She glanced at him, and could have sworn she could see some red in his cheeks, but she was probably just projecting her own embarrassment. "So..."
"I'm almost done." He glared at her, but only succeeded in reminding her that he had nice eyes.
"O-okay," she agreed quietly, and realized that she had stuttered for the first time in months.
"Done," he breathed, finally pulling the bandages off. "How does that feel?"
She stretched out her arm and rubbed at it again. "It feels okay," she answered hesitantly, trying very hard to focus on how her arm felt.
He surprised her by reaching out and grabbing her arm near the elbow. "Does this hurt?"
"No," she rasped out in a strained voice, counting herself lucky that she hadn't had an aneurysm. "Just lemme know when you're ready to stop manhandling me."
"I am not manhandling you," he huffed, but quickly let go of her arm. "And your arm seems to be doing well. I'm sure the soreness will go away in a few days."
"Sounds good." She found herself staring at him, out of a combination of her own attraction and a lack of anything more interesting to say. She was a bit surprised that he stared back, though he was probably just waiting for her to insult him or something. They sat there for a while before she finally managed to whisper, "Why are we just sitting here, staring into space?"
"Why are you whispering?" he shot back, though he was whispering, too.
"I dunno," she answered, her voice still quiet. "...You got a little something in your nose."
His hand was already halfway to his face before he frowned at her and stood up. "You are absolutely unbearable," he snapped. "Do you really have nothing better to do than make fun of me?"
"Hey, if I had a few bats in the belfry I'd want someone to tell me about it." She stood up as well and rubbed at her arm again. After having it bandaged and in a sling for so long, it felt kind of weird to have it free again. "But I guess it doesn't really matter all that much. I mean, with ears like that, who's gonna be looking at your nose, anyway?"
"If I think up a clever comeback for that do you think you can positively reinforce yourself to the nearest prison for the criminally insane?"
"No, but I can positively reinforce my foot up your ass." She wondered briefly if he thought that he could actually win a battle of wits against her, but then again he'd always been just a little bit delusional.
"I see that originality is not your strong suit."
"And I see that blowing your nose is not yours." She hadn't been lying about the boogers, and to prove it she pulled her handkerchief out of her belt and tossed it to him; it had probably been his to begin with anyway, seeing as how she'd fished it out of the clean laundry one day.
Shifu caught the handkerchief but still glowered at her. "Oh, will you stop with that? I know that you are just trying to get on my nerves, and it isn't going to work."
"And yet you're acting so harassed," she pointed out. "Now wipe your nose before I do it for you."
"There is nothing in my nose and I will prove it." He wiped at his nose with the handkerchief, then took a look inside the cloth, and frowned. "Oh."
"I know how much the truth can hurt, so why dontchya take some time to get over it and come back when I'm done with my bath?" She gave him a little poke in the stomach, just to annoy him; it appeared that she wouldn't need to worry anymore about the consequences of that hug, though she thought it best to try to keep her distance anyway.
"Don't touch me, you maniac," he grumbled.
"You realize that it doesn't bother me when you call me a maniac, right?" She crossed her arms, grateful that she was able to do so for the first time in so long, and stuck her nose in the air. "As they say, leaving a bad impression is better 'an leaving no impression at all."
"Please," he scoffed back. "The only people who even know such a phrase are the ones who constantly leave a bad impression. As in, just you."
"Oh? And how would you know I always leave a bad impression?" She was a bit surprised that he would go out of his way to pick a fight with her, but she wasn't about to let it slide. "You don't really know anything about me, do you?" she pointed out smugly, watching as his eye twitched; some people considered it a bad sign, but the only thing that twitch meant to her was "game on."
It was a warm, sunny day; perfect for a nice, juicy peach under the peach tree. That was exactly what Tai Lung happened to be doing at the moment as he contemplated his current dilemma. He knew that he should really be worrying about himself and learning the thousand scrolls, but he couldn't help but want to meddle with Lin and Shifu. They were just so inept that he wanted to do something, anything to help them along a little. He had a feeling that all they needed was a little outside push, and then they'd realize how well they actually could get along. That was why he had decided to try to enlist some help.
Master Oogway crested the hill just as Tai Lung was finishing his peach, and smiled widely as he approached. "Good afternoon, Tai Lung."
"Master Oogway," he greeted, and stood to bow. "Forgive me, but I want to get right down to business. You must be wondering why I asked you to meet me here, Master."
The old turtle nodded slowly, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I will admit that my curiosity has been eating away at me."
"We have a serious problem on our hands," Tai Lung informed him.
"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows and leaned in a bit closer, clearly interested in the topic at hand.
Tai Lung cleared his throat and straightened up a little bit; if he was going to enlist Master Oogway's help, he was going to have to act as authoritatively as possible. "Master Shifu and Lin need our help."
"Oh, my. What seems to be the problem?" He set his staff against the trunk of the peach tree and folded his hands together.
"What isn't the problem?" Tai Lung sighed. "Master Shifu likes Lin, but he won't admit it because he's too embarrassed and stubborn. And Lin likes him right back, but she won't admit it because she's too mean and spiteful!" He crossed his arms and furrowed his brow, trying to think of something, anything, they could work with. "We just need to give them a little help- a push in the right direction. Now, I've read about this type of thing, but there's just one problem. The people I've read about actually acted like they were in love."
"Yes, that would make things a little bit easier," Oogway agreed. "But, I have seen stranger relationships. Not very many, but still." He gave a helpless shrug.
"That's why they need our help to get together- but we also gotta keep all the hazards in mind," Tai Lung reminded him. "I mean, I know that Lin is a pretty clean person in general, but she's still a girl. Which means that Master Shifu is susceptible to a host of diseases he could catch from her, like cooties."
"Ah, yes," Master Oogway agreed, sounding amused again. "We must not forget the cooties."
"And syphilis," he added.
The old turtle stared back at him without response for a couple of seconds, for some reason. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it again, a pensive expression on his face. Finally, he pointed at Tai Lung with one long claw. "You enjoy reading an awful lot, don't you?"
"Yes," Tai Lung answered slowly, unsure of what that had to do with anything.
"I believe that Shifu and I will have to start keeping a closer eye on your reading materials." "You're changing the subject. What we really gotta worry about is the cooties." After all, it wouldn't do for Master Shifu and Lin to get together, only for Shifu to fall prey to the dreaded disease.
"Do not worry, young one," Master Oogway reassured him evenly, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Adults are immune to cooties. This immunity usually kicks in around, oh, age thirteen... So Lin and Shifu will be safe, I assure you."
He hadn't known that, but he supposed it made sense. After all, how else would adults be able to fall in love and get married? "Okay, but what about syphilis?"
"I doubt that we will have to worry so much about that one," the old master replied with an amused chuckle. "Shifu is far too much of a prude to contract such a disease."
"What's a prude?"
"Someone who is very uptight, but perhaps now is not the time to discuss such a matter. Tell me, now, about helping Shifu and Lin- what did you have in mind?"
"...I dunno," Tai Lung admitted sheepishly. "That's why I wanted to talk to you, Master. I thought that you might have some ideas."
Master Oogway took on a comparatively serious look and hesitated a moment, as if thinking over the request. "I do not normally involve myself in such affairs," he finally said, although he sounded regretful. "While it may seem like a good idea at the time, Tai Lung, I have learned firsthand that it is best not to meddle with the affairs of others when love is on the line- no matter how good your intentions may be."
"You mean you used to be a yenta?" He could definitely see that; to be honest, Master Oogway was still kind of a yenta, just a subtle one.
"Yenta?"
"Lin called me that the last time I tried to talk to her about Master Shifu." He paused as he remembered how on edge she'd gotten when he'd tried to get her to talk about her feelings. "Then she said, 'if I was gonna fall in love with such a putz, I'd at least pick a good-looking one.' Then something about 'una testa di melone.' Then she just started speaking in tongues, or something. I'm not sure what was wrong with her, exactly." He had left the kitchen in the middle of her tirade, while she was still too worked up to notice him sidling out the door.
"Sounds like she was calling Shifu a melon-head again."
"She's got it bad," Tai Lung agreed. "C'mon, Master Oogway. You must've seen this kinda situation happen before. Their feelings don't need any nurturing- they just need to actually admit that the feelings exist! There must be something we can do."
He seemed to have been moved by the desperate plea for help, because he reached up to rub at his chin pensively with one claw; then, a slow smile spread across his face. "I think I have an idea."
"You do? What is it? Are we gonna lock 'em up in a room together and not let 'em out until they confess? Or maybe I can pretend to be sick so they'll have to eat dinner alone together, and then you can lure them out here to the peach tree and they'll have to eat under the stars. That's pretty romantic, right? Or- or I could get flowers, and leave 'em outside Lin's door with a note from a secret admirer- leaving her to draw her own conclusions." He rubbed his hands together as he let out a low chuckle at his own undeniable genius.
"You really have this all thought out, don't you?" Master Oogway marveled, though he seemed more disturbed than impressed- if it was even possible at all for him to be disturbed. "But those are all bad ideas."
Tai Lung blinked, snapped out of his gloating by the blunt response. "They are?"
"Yes," he confirmed. "Terrible."
"Then... What're we gonna do?"
"Something like this requires a light touch, my student," he replied calmly. "If done properly, then they will not realize that you have done anything to help them at all." He paused and turned to look out over the grounds as shouting drifted up from below.
Tai Lung looked as well, suppressing a groan at the sight of two figures in the distance flailing about in what was surely an animated argument; and he had only one guess as to who those two figures were. "There has to be a word for that," he astutely observed; he wasn't sure what they were fighting about this time (although he was sure that it was something dumb), but it must have gotten pretty heated. While he could have been mistaken, since they were so far away, he could swear that he saw Lin intentionally stomp on Master Shifu's tail.
"Perhaps not a word, so much as a phrase," Master Oogway replied thoughtfully, as Lin turned and made a run for it. "Two stubborn fools in love," he suggested.
"Who won't admit it," Tai Lung added, while Master Shifu caught up to Lin, grabbed her, and literally started dragging her away. "Or maybe that's their confession."
"Doubtful," Master Oogway sighed, then turned and grabbed his staff. "I think it is about time that I intervened. Come, I will tell you what I have in mind on the way."
"M'kay," he agreed quickly and followed Master Oogway down the stairs; Lin had started to screech, and that was never a good sign. "You really think I can pull off a subtle approach?"
"Of course. And if you do not- do you really think that those two will be able to tell, anyway?"
"Good point." Tai Lung winced as Lin's screeching went up an octave; whatever Master Shifu was doing to her, she was not enjoying it. "I never thought I'd be saying this to you, Master Oogway, but we are the only sane ones around here."
Master Oogway laughed at that. "I would not be so sure."
"Honestly," Shifu huffed to himself as he leaped swiftly back and forth through the gauntlet of wooden warriors, delivering at least two dizzying blows for every wooden limb he blocked or dodged. "Childish," he grumbled under his breath as he kicked one dummy a bit too hard and knocked its arm off. "Not fit-" he paused as he knocked that same dummy's other arm off- "for human-" and then its head- "interaction." He supposed there was a possibility that he could be overreacting. He couldn't even remember why he and Lin had started fighting- and the assessment that she had started it, while accurate, was still petty and childish.
He was finding it very difficult to care at the moment, though. He didn't care about the hug, about Lin's injury, about keeping his temper- he was just sick and tired of her constantly berating and teasing him. Normally she wouldn't have gotten to him that much, but she had crossed the line when she'd implied that dedicating his entire life to kung fu was not only a waste, but something he hadn't even properly thought through. He could still hear her words ringing in his ears:
"Like I would ever need your help- the only thing you know how to do is beat people up! And the only reason you know how to do that much is 'cause Oogway raised you. I bet you never even tried to learn anything else! You spent your whole life with proverbial tunnel vision- so quit acting like you know so much."
It made him angry just thinking about her accusations. As if she were so much more experienced than he was! While he didn't know her exact age, she was obviously younger than him, and on top of that she was an employee of the Jade Palace- therefor, she was his employee- and she had the nerve to treat him with no more respect than a common vagabond- which was what she was to begin with!
And on top of that, he'd had to face the humiliation of being scolded by his master, something that hadn't happened to him since he was a teenager. To be told that he was acting as childish and certifiably insane as Lin was by Master Oogway had made him feel about two inches tall. That had been the last straw, and he'd made a beeline for the training hall, ready to tear the whole place apart regardless of budgetary constraints, as long as he felt better in the end.
"Master Shifu?"
"What?" he snapped, whirling around to face whoever had the nerve to interrupt him, then felt rather sheepish to discover Tai Lung standing just outside the gauntlet of wooden warriors. "I mean, ah... Yes?"
"I, uhm..." The young snow leopard shuffled his feet nervously as Shifu picked his way through the rather battered wooden crocodiles to join him at the side of the obstacle course. "I could come back later, if this isn't a good time."
"No, no, this is fine," he huffed, a little embarrassed that his son had managed to pick up on how out of sorts he was. "I just... I was just training. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Okay." Tai Lung paused again and rocked back on his heels a little. "I thought that maybe, if it was okay, that I could, uhm, talk to you. About something."
"Certainly," Shifu answered immediately, and couldn't help but feel a little smug; after all, he was the one Tai Lung wanted to talk to, not Lin. For once. "Whatever it is that you want to talk about, I am more than willing."
"Well... I was just wondering..." He cleared his throat a bit and gave a noncommittal shrug. "D'you know anything about, uhm... What it's like to, say, for instance, be in love?"
"Wh-what?" Shifu was stunned, to say the least; he had no idea where this had come from. "Why would you ask something like that?"
"I just... I dunno." Tai Lung began wringing his hands together nervously as he spoke. "It's just... Something I wonder about. Sometimes. And, well, sometimes I like to read epic stories about warriors and stuff and the warriors usually fall in love. Plus when I was down in the village I met this girl, and I got to wondering about-"
"I will tell you when you are older," he interrupted immediately, his eye twitching at just the thought of having that talk one day.
Tai Lung looked puzzled at the refusal. "You won't tell me about love until I'm older?"
"Oh! You meant that." Shifu wondered if his mind had always been so in the gutter. "I, ah... I still don't understand what you are trying to ask me."
"I just wanna know what it feels like to be in love." He seemed to sense Shifu's reluctance to answer the question, because he innocently clasped his hands behind his back and widened his already huge, watery eyes.
Shifu could not wait until Tai Lung was too old for that to work. "Well... Let me think." The last thing he wanted to admit to was having never been in love before- not true love, anyway. He supposed it was enough to just describe puppy love. "You generally have a lot of things in common, you enjoy a challenging but respectful discourse-"
"Master," Tai Lung interrupted him. "I asked what it feels like to be in love. Like... How do you know?"
"Huh." He furrowed his brow and thought for a bit again. "I suppose... You know when you first see a woman- a girl, in your case."
"You do?"
"Yes. You'll probably hear a lot of really sentimental, overly hyped talk about it, but really all that happens is that you think to yourself, 'I need to talk to her.' And sometimes you don't, and nothing ever happens. And sometimes you do, and you fall in love."
"Yeah, go on," the boy prompted, paying rapt attention, perhaps even more so than he did to stories of kung fu warriors.
"...And then, you, uh... Well, when you fall for someone, you're cheered up just by seeing her. And you want her to be safe and happy no matter what. And her smile makes your heart beat just a little bit faster. And no matter how many faults she has, no matter how much she may aggravate you and push your buttons just because she enjoys your pain- you still love her, just as she is." He realized as he spoke that he still had Lin on his mind, but it would take more than an awkward talk with his son for him to forget how angry he was with her.
"Even if she always disagrees with you?"
"Yes, that, too. Because when you love someone, you love her for everything, the good and the bad. No matter what." As angry as he was, he still tried his best to stop thinking about Lin for at least the time being; it made him feel too much like he was actually talking about her. "So. Any other questions about... This sort of thing?"
"Yeah. Have you ever felt like that about a girl?" Tai Lung stared up expectantly at him after asking that, as if he were expecting to hear some kind of epic story like the ones he read in his spare time.
Unfortunately, Shifu had no such story for him. "I, uhm... That is to say..." And it was not helping that he was still thinking about Lin, despite his efforts. "Some people just do not fall in love. Ever."
"What?" Tai Lung sounded completely scandalized. "How come?"
"Well... Sometimes, for some people, it simply... Is not a priority." He cleared his throat, feeling rather uncomfortable beneath his son's disbelieving gaze. "Romance isn't everything, Tai Lung. There are many more important and fulfilling aspects of life. You will understand that-"
"When I'm older, I know," he interrupted sourly.
Shifu gave him a stern frown for that, but decided not to say anything, since he seemed to have realized his rudeness. "While this discussion has been... Interesting, I think it is about time you did some studying."
Tai Lung let out a heavy sigh, obviously not thrilled at the idea. "Yes, Master," he agreed with a bow, then turned to leave the training hall. He paused at the doorway, though, and turned back. "Just so you know, Master Oogway says it's never too late to fall in love. Y'know, in case you wanted to." With that, he scurried off before Shifu could give a reply.
He crossed his arms and shook his head as he watched his son go; he knew that the boy sometimes got a little lonely, but that was no reason to get so concerned over his love life. And he also didn't see why Master Oogway was apparently encouraging Tai Lung to think about such things. He certainly hadn't been like that when he was a child. He had been dutiful and focused, just as a student of kung fu should be. Most of his days had been spent in the training hall, and any reading he did had been about the various kung fu styles and the exploits of old masters. He supposed that certain people (who would remain nameless) might view that as a wasted childhood, but he didn't see it that way. He had done those things because he loved kung fu, and he had from the moment Master Oogway had first shown it to him. He didn't see how dedication to something he loved could be considered a waste, but then very few people understood that point of view. Certainly someone like Lin, who didn't seem to overtly care about anything in particular, wouldn't understand.
Just then, the door swung open, and of course the last person in the world that he wanted to see walked in. Lin looked around for a moment, then squinted at him and walked up to him as if she were getting ready to tackle him. Then she cleared her throat, her back ramrod straight and a frown on her face as she shoved a cup of tea at him.
"What is this?" Shifu was well-aware of the hostility in his voice, and did nothing to attempt to mask it.
"Tea," she answered shortly. Then, after a moment, as if she had been trying to hold it in and could no longer contain herself, she blurted out, "It's green tea, to be exact. With mint."
"Ew," he responded flatly. He didn't necessarily dislike mint, and he'd never had it with green tea, but the combination didn't sound good. And, perhaps, it was partly out of spite.
"It's supposed to be soothing," she snapped.
"Oh? And why would you want to soothe me?" He sniffed at the tea; it smelled strongly of mint, and also a little bit sweet. "Is this an apology?" He waited for her to say something, but she remained silent and her frown only deepened. "Master Oogway is making you do this, isn't he?"
"Yeah," she grunted. "Even though I'm right."
"What?" he asked incredulously. "How could you possibly be right? There's nothing to be right about!" He felt like he could dismantle another wooden crocodile- or better yet, Lin's ego. "And besides, you hit me!"
"Oh, wahhh," she mocked, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I didn't hit you, I stepped on your tail. I didn't even know the thing had nerves in it!"
"Well, your were mistaken," he shot back. "You must have been thinking about your head."
"Whatever, Sir Bawlsalot- it's not like you didn't retaliate."
"I didn't hit you!" He was offended that she would even imply such a thing; sure, she made him angry enough to want to hit something, if the current condition of the gauntlet of wooden warriors was any indicator, but he would never seriously consider raising a hand to her. "I would never hit you."
"Maybe not, but you didn't have any problem with forcefully dragging me halfway across the grounds and threatening to throw me off the side of the mountain."
"That's different."
"How is that different?" she growled.
"I did not actually throw you off the side of the mountain." Although, he had to admit that at the moment it was a rather entertaining fantasy. "And I know for a fact that I did not hurt you, so I don't see why you felt the need to shriek like you were being murdered."
She actually blushed a little at the comment, no doubt embarrassed by her earlier behavior. "I don't like to be manhandled!" she answered defensively. "Forgive me for disliking the idea of being physically dragged about by a man- last I checked, most women don't exactly find something like that comforting."
"If you think you can drag gender politics into this argument, then you are wrong." He had dealt with a lot from her, but he was not even going to listen to her drag something completely irrelevant into their fight just to make him feel guilty. "And need I remind you that the situation would not have escalated at all if you had not suggested that I am somehow wasting my life on kung fu!"
"I never said that!" she argued immediately. "Since when did I say that?"
"What about that line about my whole life being spent with- what was it? 'Proverbial tunnel vision?'" He couldn't believe that she was trying to deny having said it.
"Oh, come the hell on!" she huffed. "Really? You're really stuck on that? First of all, I didn't mean that kung fu was a waste of time- I meant that you don't care about anything else!"
He snorted at the accusation, but she just talked over him.
"And second- I only went so far 'cause you said that I dunno how to do anything on my own! If that's so true, smart guy, then how d'you explain the fact that I'm still alive? And another thing- this fight is all you to begin with, so don't even try to blame any of it on me!"
"Oh, right," he scoffed, rolling his eyes at her.
"Damn straight I'm right! Y'know, all I did was point out that you had a horrible, disgusting booger in your nose- which is something that anyone would have the decency to point out. You're the one who picked a fight with me!" She pointed accusingly at him as she spoke. "So quit complaining about a fight that you started!"
"Just when I thought you could not get anymore immature, you went and used that old playground standby." He had no intention of backing down from this argument, even if he had started it- which he had not. He had been a little more on edge than usual after helping Lin remove her bandages, that was true, but she was the one who insisted on constantly prodding him and spurring his temper on. "And take this tea back!" he snapped for good measure.
"Fine." She swiped it from his hand and took a tentative sip of the tea, then another larger mouthful.
"What are you doing?" He hadn't wanted the tea, of course, but if she wanted him to drink it so much then taking a sip from the cup wasn't going to help.
"I'm just making sure it's not hot enough to burn you." Before he had a chance to comment on that, she splashed the contents of the cup in his face. "Soothing, right?"
"That is it!" He went after her, and just like last time she ran for it.
"What're you gonna do, chuck me off the mountain for real this time?" she called over her shoulder.
"No! I am going to throw you in front of the seven swinging clubs of instant oblivion!" He reached forward and grabbed her by the tail, then held her fast.
"Those things could kill me, y'know," she shot back as she tried to get away, which resulted in her pretty much walking in place. "You're bluffing!" she grunted as she dropped to all fours in an effort to break free from his grip.
He just stood and watched her struggle, and to his surprise he was actually able to appreciate the comedic value of the situation.
Suddenly she tossed the empty tea cup at him, and he watched with a flat glare as it hit him in the chest and fell to the floor with a clatter. "Dammit!" she cursed.
"Wow," he commented with as little emotion as possible. "Really?"
"Go to hell!"
He had to admit that she'd had a point when she'd said that the seven swinging clubs could kill her; after all, they were designed to be a challenge to even the most experienced of kung fu masters. Lin was strong for her size, but not nearly as strong as Shifu (which was illustrated quite well in their current situation) and even he had been knocked silly by the clubs. "I'll make you a deal," he finally huffed, though he didn't let go of her just yet. "If you take back what you said about me and kung fu, I will forgive you."
"You're a huge baby!" she shot back, clearly not ready to negotiate. "Oh, boohoo, I pointed out that you have a limited skill set. I thought you were supposed to be a warrior, not a whaaaaarrior!"
He decided that the best thing to do in such a situation would be to carry his bluff out as far as possible, and so without replying to her insult he started dragging her toward the clubs.
"Hey!" She continued to struggle futilely against him, and then said something that made him stop in his tracks. "Since when d'you care what I think, anyway?"
"I do not care!" He could feel an embarrassed blush starting to form in his cheeks, though. "What you think does not matter to me in the least!"
"And yet here we are," she pointed out smugly.
"No! What you think does not matter, because you do not- you cannot understand what it is to dedicate your entire life to something that you are passionate about. You have no clue what it is like to love something so much that it is as essential to you as air. There is no way you could understand, because that is how I feel about kung fu, and if you did understand you would have more respect for it and you would have more respect for me!" He couldn't believe himself; even as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back, because despite attempting to argue against the accusation, he had made it abundantly clear that he did care what she thought.
"Y'know, I'm the one who should be angry at you, 'cause you're always making these assumptions about me that aren't necessarily true- this being the most recent example." She had taken on a rather reasonable tone, but it was difficult to take her seriously when she was laying on the floor. "Y'see, I do understand how it is to dedicate your whole life to something."
"Oh? And what would that be?" He briefly contemplated resuming his bluff just to ruin her composure, but that was a little too spiteful even when it came to Lin.
"Uh..." She looked away from him, though whether she was embarrassed or trying to hide something was unclear. "C-cooking, of course. Cooking. Is the thing that I... Y'know. Love." She cleared her throat, though it was clear from her awkward answer that she was definitely hiding something.
"You have dedicated your entire life to cooking?" he asked skeptically, raising one eyebrow at her. "You love cooking so much that it is as essential as air to you?"
"Yup," she replied quickly. "Absolutely." She paused and they stared each other down in silence for a moment; Shifu didn't want to be the first to break it, because he could see that she was going to say something else, and judging by how difficult it seemed to be for her to get it out, it was going to be something nice. She cleared her throat again, then spoke as if she were forcing out each and every word. "I guess I can sorta see how what I said was insulting."
"Oh?" He was enjoying seeing how painful it was to her to actually admit that she had been wrong in any way, shape, or form, and he wanted to draw it out as long as possible.
"Yeah," she confirmed. "I, uh... Well, I guess what I said did imply some of that stuff you said it did. And, y'know, I didn't mean it. So..." She paused again, as if this last part were the most painful thing she'd ever had to say in her life. "...Sorry."
He waited for her to add a "but" to that, perhaps complain about how he had overreacted, but she didn't. "That's it?" He was still skeptical; after all, Lin wasn't exactly synonymous with a sincere apology.
"Whaddaya mean, 'that's it?' I said I'm sorry, what else am I supposed to say? I ain't groveling or sucking up, if that's what you want, 'cause I don't say stuff I don't mean!"
He hesitated a moment, then finally let go of her tail as his embarrassment began to catch up with him. Lin's admission that she had been out of line, while unexpected, was pretty much what he had been hoping for. And, now that he had it, he was starting to realize that he had spent most of his day making a complete fool of himself. "I, uh... Might have overreacted. A bit."
"What else is new?" she grunted as she pushed herself back to her feet. "B'sides, you subjected me to worse when you thought you could train me in kung fu." She went to pick up the tea cup she'd thrown as she spoke. "And by the way, you're a terrible friend."
"Since when am I your friend?" he asked, appalled at the idea. After all, in calling him her friend she was suggesting that there was some sort of camaraderie between them, some sort of mutual feeling of affection- and that was most definitely not the case.
She snorted at him and shook the cup in his direction, splattering him with a few leftover drops of tea. "Y'see, this is why so few people like you."
"What?" He glared at her, offended by what she'd said as usual. "Plenty of people like me. And isn't that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?"
"I'll have you know that the only reason I don't have more friends is 'cause I travel so much. I'm actually an extremely well-like person- much more 'an you are. And y'know why? Unlike you, I'm accessible." She held out her hand and started to tick off her apparent attributes on her fingers. "I'm friendly, I'm energetic, and most importantly, I'm outgoing. Not to mention my sparkling wit."
"Spoken like a woman with bountiful experience in tooting her own horn," he shot back.
"I'm not even gonna comment on you once again using old person slang- nor on how its ludicrous nature negates your insult. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got a lotta important things to do and places to be, and I can't spend all day chit-chatting."
"Chit-chatting?" he repeated incredulously as he watched her bustle off toward the door as if they had never even fought to begin with. "You're not still angry?"
"I like to live in the present." Then, just as she was walking through the door she added, "But don't be surprised if you get the runs after dinner." With that, she slammed the door shut after her.
He stared after her, wondering if it would be better to just skip dinner altogether. He also wondered exactly what it was that she had been trying to hide from him; he supposed that she could have just been lying about having anything in her life that she was truly passionate about. However, he thought that it was more likely that she'd simply been talking about something other than cooking, which was what made him suspicious. After all, there must be a reason why she didn't want him to know what she had been talking about.
He was going to need to question her again. He knew that he needed to approach her from a different angle, though, so perhaps a "friendly" conversation was in order. He was pretty sure that he would be able to survive something of the sort.
And at some point during said conversation he was going to have to ask Lin just what she had been telling Tai Lung that had prompted the boy to start asking about love, of all things. He could understand a seven-year-old being curious about the difference between boys and girls, and even the birds and the bees- but actual love? Obviously he needed to have yet another discussion with Lin about what was and what was not appropriate to talk to his son about.
In the meantime he supposed he should prepare himself for dinner by finding some ginger to chew on.
A/N: Well, there you have it. Another chapter in the bag! I don't have much to add this time around, except that "una testa di melone" literally translates to "a head of melon." Hence, melon-head. Also, hope I didn't make Shifu out to be too harsh here... He just snapped a little bit, that's all. We all have our moments/days/weeks/menopause/etc.
As for next chapter... Oogway will ask Lin for a favor, and Shifu will continue to be completely oblivious to pretty much everything.