A/N: I have a gift for all you good readers! An extra-long chapter, and an update within one week! I'm sure you're all wondering what the catch is... Well, I've recently taken up three jobs for the holiday season, so I'm going to be very short on time soon. I will still be sticking to a two week update schedule, but the chapters may decrease in length for a little while. Besides, I won't have time to update next week because of Thanksgiving + Black Friday weekend (can you say 13 hour retail shift? Blech!).
Also of note: I was asked the length I'm aiming for for the fic... Well, I'm not entirely sure. Originally it was supposed to be around 25 chapters but it grew out of my control. Now I'm thinking somewhere in the neighborhood of 32, but don't hold me to that. Anyway, this chapter has a good amount of filler, but I swear that I'm setting up for an upcoming revelation. Cross my heart.
Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda isn't mine yadda yadda mazel tov.
Chapter 23: A Balanced Diet is a Cookie in Each Hand
Shifu sat under the peach tree of heavenly wisdom, quietly meditating and enjoying the fresh night air. At least, he was attempting to. He would have wondered when his life had become so mentally exhausting that he needed to get away from pretty much anything that breathed in order to recharge himself, but he already knew that it had started happening the moment Lin had appeared. There had once been a time when he would have been able to calm himself and blank his mind, but that time was long gone. It seemed as though every single time he had a moment to himself he spent it thinking about Lin and how much she aggravated him. Not only had she invaded his private thoughts, but she was loved by his son, trusted by his master, and she controlled his meals. It was as if she had usurped his entire life, and he wouldn't be surprised if she had done so on purpose.
He decided that the best thing he could do for himself would be to just stop thinking about her at all, at least for the moment. He was certain that he could force himself to just stop thinking altogether. He took a deep breath and did his best to relax and blank his mind. It was going fairly well, until a loud bang in the distance startled him. He opened his eyes in time to see a rocket shoot up over the valley and explode in a flurry of brilliant colored lights. "Oh no," he groaned to himself.
Mere moments later, he heard the screaming sound out over the grounds. "Firewoooooorks!"
He knew, without a doubt, that the perfect spot for viewing fireworks down in the valley was exactly where he happened to be sitting. He had only seconds to run without being detected; if he waited too long, he would run the risk of crossing paths with Lin.
"I see you are already watching the fireworks!" Master Oogway appeared behind Shifu, a long-standing habit of his. "Lin and Tai Lung are on their way."
"Well, I would love to stay and watch but I am rather tired, so-"
"Master Shifu!" Tai Lung came bounding up the steps just at that moment, effectively ruining his hasty retreat. "You're gonna watch the fireworks, too? Aren't they awesome?"
"...Yes," he sighed, and remained seated. There was no point in running anymore; Lin was undoubtedly hot on Tai Lung's heels, and no matter what excuses he made to excuse himself he would be faced with his son's innocent pleading for him to stay, and Master Oogway would most likely take the boy's side. He was stuck. "So, tell me, where is the walking headache?"
"On her way," Tai Lung replied lightly and plopped down next to him.
Shifu would have let his son know right then and there how appalled he was at the lack of proper greetings and his inappropriately casual manners, but he was once again interrupted.
"I'm here!" Lin wheezed out as she practically crawled up the steps, huffing and puffing as she collapsed in a heap on the grass. "Gimme... A minute." She had clearly run all the way from the kitchen, a level of activity that she was not used to.
"Isn't this wonderful?" Master Oogway asked nobody in particular. "I cannot remember the last time we all did something together like this."
"I can," Shifu responded, unable to keep the sour note out of his voice at the memory of the very beginning of Lin's love for infuriating him- thinking back on that peach pie still angered him.
"Of course you can," Lin quipped, then crawled forward and sat down between him and Master Oogway; she had apparently caught her second wind. "An elephant never forgets." She reached out and patted him on the stomach to drive the insult home.
"Perhaps not today," he grumbled back, "and perhaps not tomorrow, but someday- soon- I will destroy you."
"Master, look at that!" Tai Lung diverted his attention by tugging on his sleeve and pointing out toward the fireworks; one rocket had burst into a bright red bloom, and then each each point of light had begun to sparkle at it faded.
For once he was given a welcome distraction from Lin's obnoxious behavior, though the fireworks, while admittedly beautiful, were not what had caught his attention. What really cheered him up was the look of absolute wonder on his son's face; he remembered as Tai Lung let out a quiet "Oooh" at another volley of brightly colored rockets that the boy had only seen fireworks once before in his short life, as a toddler. The display was clearly a rare treat for him.
Shifu smiled at Tai Lung's delight, but quickly traded in the smile for a slack-jawed stare when he glanced at Lin on his other side; she was reacting to the fireworks with the same innocent, wide-eyed wonder as his seven-year-old son, oohing and aahing right along with him. It was a side of her that he was not used to seeing. "Don't tell me you have never seen fireworks," he blurted out before he could stop himself.
"Eh?" she asked distractedly, her eyes still fixated on the bright lights, before she realized exactly what he had said and answered. "Yeah, once, when I was like fourteen... Hey, look!" She perked up at a rocket that whizzed up into the sky in a spiral pattern, leaving a sparkling purple trail behind. "I don't care what anyone says, purple is a real color."
"Your face is a real color," Tai Lung suddenly said, though the retort made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"Tai Lung!" Shifu wasn't about to let him get away with such improper behavior, even if it had been directed toward Lin.
"Oh!" He jumped a little, startled by the reprimand. "Uh, sorry, Master. I, uhm, forgot you were there." He looked sheepish for a moment, but quickly returned to marveling at the fireworks. "It's just that... these fireworks are really great!"
"I wonder what they're for," Lin mused aloud.
"Probably a marriage celebration," Shifu answered.
The expression of wonderment on her face instantly disappeared. "Oh." Her voice was completely flat and sharp, a sure sign of her disapproval.
"What 'oh'?" He raised his eyebrows, put off by her reaction. "Marriage is a sacred union between two people, an expression of life-long love and trust. How could you possibly respond with 'oh'?"
"Marriage is a business contract," she snapped back. "It's a business in which women are bought and sold like objects, simply to create heirs for their husbands and support their family's greed. It has never been, nor will it ever be, an expression of love." She was obviously very serious about the topic. Her harsh reaction was followed by heavy silence, and Shifu regretted saying anything at all.
Luckily, Master Oogway always seemed to have a knack for diffusing situations. "No wonder I'm still single," he sighed, shaking his head.
After a moment's hesitation, Lin let out a short bark of laughter. "That's a good one!" She even went so far as to give him her signature friendly punch on the arm.
After that, they sat in silence for most of the rest of the fireworks- that is, until Lin attempted to talk about the different chemical compounds within the fireworks that caused the bright array of colors. And that had somehow segued into the wide range of uses for copper, which Master Oogway had finally (thankfully) interrupted to tell them the story of how Master Flying Rhino had forged his own armor from ore he had mined from the Jade Mountain itself, which was said to be as divine as the waters of the Pool of Sacred Tears. He had then told them of how the armor had received its authentic battle damage, by miraculously deflecting a volley of steel-tipped arrows from one thousand archers. By the time Master Oogway had finished the story the fireworks display was over and it had gotten a bit too late for Tai Lung to still be up.
Even as they all descended the stairs of the promontory together, Tai Lung still attempted to convince them to let him stay up later. "Shouldn't I meditate before I go to sleep?"
Shifu was about to turn down the suggestion when Lin surprised him by beating him to it.
"No can do, kid." She even sounded stern- for her, anyway. "You already stayed up late enough."
"But you stay up late," Tai Lung protested.
"Yeah, and look how much it stunted my growth," she pointed out. "The whole rest of my family are the size of wolves."
"Really?" He looked as though he believed her a moment before his mouth turned down in a skeptical frown. "That's not true."
"You really willing to find out the hard way?" she bluffed, raising her eyebrows.
He attempted to stare her down a moment, then crossed his arms. "...Okay, I'll go to bed." And he did; he went off to bed on his own without any further complaint, and Shifu was left marveling at how readily he had done so.
Once Master Oogway had left for his own mysterious nighttime activities (he doubted the old master was headed off to bed just yet), he contemplated turning in for the night. However, he wasn't tired yet and to be honest he kind of wanted to talk to Lin. There was still plenty he needed to speak to her about, after all- it wasn't as if he would be making a social visit. So, he ventured into the kitchen to find her again, and she was there alright- eating. "What are you doing?"
"What's it look like?" she shot back, then shoved a cookie into her mouth, chewing loudly.
"It looks as though you are attempting to grow into your fur." He was starting to get pretty good at the comebacks, if he did say so himself.
"Bravo," she replied flatly, then pulled out the chair next to her. "You earned a cookie."
He accepted the invitation and sat down, then gave in and grabbed a cookie; they were almond cookies, which were always a favorite. "I just wanted to say... Well, ahm... Good job. With Tai Lung, I mean. I did not realize you had it in you to actually enforce rules."
"So I guess I'm not such a bad influence after all," she gloated before eating another cookie.
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that," he grumbled, then took a bite of his almond cookie; it was the best he'd ever tasted. "This is your recipe?" he blurted out, surprised.
"Nope," she answered, then licked the crumbs off her fingers. "My grandma's. She was always baking something, but her almond cookies were the best. Better 'an these, for sure."
"I find it difficult to believe that these cookies are not as good." He didn't know why he'd just said that; he was only feeding her already fatally bloated ego. It was as if the compliment had somehow worked its way out of his mouth of its own accord.
She blinked at him, apparently taken aback by the comment. Then, slowly, she answered him. "...Thanks." She sounded like she expected him to take it back at any moment. "You mean that?"
He had to admit that he was as surprised by her reaction as she was by the comment. "I suppose." He waited for her to start gloating and preening, but she still seemed rather unnerved.
She turned away from him and took a gulp of the tea she'd been nursing; if he didn't know any better, he'd say she was hiding a small smile. But that was preposterous. After a moment, she cleared her throat and looked at him again. "I know you're pretty dense about these things, so I'll let you know that... Well, that was sweet."
"What?" He hadn't realized he'd said anything overtly nice, and even if he had he would never have expected Lin to refer to anything, let alone something he'd said, as "sweet."
"You want some tea?" she suddenly asked, clearly embarrassed by the interaction.
"That depends." He eyed the cup warily, remembering what had happened the last time he'd turned down an offer of tea from her. "What kind is it?"
"Green," she answered.
He waited for her to go on, but she just sat there, looking at him expectantly. "...That's it?" he finally asked. "Just green tea? No crazy add-ins? No unique blends? No rose, no lemon, no cinnamon, no mint, no ginger, no tears of a newborn babe sweetened with nectar of the sacred lotus? Regular green tea?"
"Disappointed?" she asked flatly, rolling her eyes as she stood up to get him a cup.
"No, I'm astonished. I did not realize you were capable of making a normal pot of tea."
"Believe it or not, even I can appreciate the beauty of simplicity," she informed him haughtily as she poured him a cup of tea and returned to the table with it. "And by the way," she added after she handed the cup to him, "'the sacred lotus' is slang for vagina, so I'd be careful with that if I were you."
"Lovely," he grumbled and set his tea down, a number of horrifying mental images crossing his mind at that bit of information. "You really know how to ruin almost anything, don't you?"
"It's a gift." Then, to make matters worse, she slurped her tea- the sound did not evoke any pleasant thoughts.
"One person's gift is another's curse," he pointed out, then did his best to blank his mind. "What is your obsession with genitals, anyway?"
"I have no particular affinity to genitals- I just like how squeamish you get when I mention 'em."
"Then I will simply have to get over my squeamishness," he argued.
"Okay," she agreed. "I'll let you know next time I see a flying pig." She then grabbed another two cookies from the jar she'd had them stashed in.
"You might want to slow down." He rarely saw her eat that much- even though she stuffed food into her mouth as if her life depended on it during meals, her portions were never overtly large and she almost never had seconds, and while she did often eat dessert it was usually something small. So the fact that she was ploughing through an entire jar of almond cookies was rather unusual.
"I'll be fine," she grumbled around a mouthful of crumbs, then gulped down some more tea. "Well, I'll probably get sick later on tonight, but that'll pass. It's worth it."
He disagreed with that particular sentiment, but decided to make no comment. "May I have another cookie, or will you eat my hand if I try to reach in there?"
"I'm stressed, okay?" She dropped another couple of cookies in front of him, then narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "...So what's the deal?"
"Huh?" He paused with his cup of tea halfway to his mouth and raised his eyebrows back at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, what're you doing here? You got nothing better to do 'an watch me eat cookies and make funna me for it?" Even as she spoke she was still eating.
"I have plenty of better things to do."
"Prove it and get lost."
He watched her for a moment; she definitely looked like she was under a lot of stress, though he couldn't imagine why. "What, exactly, is wrong?"
"It's nothing. I'll get over it." She poured herself another cup of tea as she spoke. "The one thing you can count on in life is that nothing lasts."
"That's... Depressing."
"Not really. Not for someone like me. It means that everything's always changing, maybe for the better. It means new experiences, learning, growth. That kinda thing." She leaned back in her seat and shrugged. "Like I said, what's bothering me... It'll pass."
"Alright, then." He wanted to leave it at that and move on- he really, truly did. "...So what is it that's bothering you?" And yet he simply could not. He wouldn't have been able to explain it if he tried, but he needed to know.
"Like I said before, it's nothing," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Y'know, I just..." She paused then, and furrowed her brow as if she were thinking, then hesitantly went on. "There's this man."
For some inexplicable reason, his stomach lurched at that. "...And?" he prodded.
"And he's sitting in my kitchen, irritating me with personal questions while I'm trying to enjoy my cookies," she snapped.
"Very well." He might not have had a clever comeback prepared, but there was another technique at his disposal, one he had learned from Lin. "Do not tell me about your troubles. Allow them to build up and fester inside, forming an unpleasant ball of tension in the pit of your stomach. See if I care."
She glared at him a moment, then tossed a cookie at his head.
"Hey!"
"Fine, have it your way," she conceded grudgingly. "I'm just stressed about, y'know... This."
"This?" he repeated, confused. "Eating cookies stresses you out?"
"No, cookies don't stress me out!" She took a moment to glare at him, then continued. "I mean 'this' as in, well, right now. Living in the Valley of Peace and all."
He raised an eyebrow at her, still confused; he wasn't entirely sure what she was getting at. "Last I checked, the Valley of Peace is not exactly the most stressful place in the world."
"It's not so much the place as the situation," she answered, then paused. "I'm not sure how to describe it."
"You can say it's because I intimidate you. I'll be flattered." He wasn't serious, of course, but she looked pretty confused at the statement.
"I'm sorry, I'm not used to this whole joke coming from your mouth thing." She blinked a few times, staring at him. "Are you okay?"
"Very funny," he huffed, though he supposed he deserved it. "I hope that you're not trying to avoid my question." He waited for her to answer him, but she remained silent for a little while longer.
"Okay, I got it," she finally said. "You ever meet someone who's in your life for maybe a week or so- someone who's just passing through? And you like this person okay, and this person seems to like you okay, but you know they're only gonna be around for a few days, and then they'll leave, and by the next week they'll have forgotten all about you already. You ever met someone like that?"
"Yes, I think I know what you're talking about," he answered slowly; he could see what she was getting at, but he didn't say anything in the hopes that he was wrong.
"Well, I'm like that. I been like that, anyway... For a while. You guys're the only people I've met in the past three years whose names I even remember."
"That must be lonely," he replied, without even thinking; he realized what he'd said after the words left his mouth, and was a little embarrassed by it. After all, he doubted that Lin appreciated him pointing out such a thing, and on top of one of the few times she'd ever told him anything about herself with even an ounce of honesty.
"Yeah," she answered simply; she didn't sound angry at him. "I mean, it's fine once you get used to it."
"I suppose so." He had never really had a time in his life like that, when he had gotten used to the idea of being alone; to know that anyone at all felt that way was rather saddening. "Why have you been living like that?"
"Lotsa reasons." She shrugged, apparently not planning to elaborate. "Y'know, it's kinda weird to be having a regular conversation with you. I hafta keep suppressing the urge to make fun of you."
"For once, I actually agree with you." He could tell that he wasn't going to get any further with her in their previous conversation, so he followed her lead and changed the subject. "Not that you don't still annoy me."
"You're a lot more annoying 'an I am," she argued. "You nosy bastard." The statement didn't sound at all malicious, though.
"And yet you continue to talk to me," he pointed out.
"Hey, good point," she replied, then got up from the table and left the room.
He stared after her, wondering if she was going to come back or not; perhaps she'd been serious.
"That was a joke, by the way." Lin stuck her head back in the room to give him an exasperated look. "But seriously, I'm turning in for the night. Seeya." With that, she walked away.
Shifu shook his head to himself; he couldn't believe that he'd actually fallen for that. There were a lot of things about that night that he couldn't believe, to be honest. The entire conversation he'd had with Lin seemed surreal to him, especially the fact that it hadn't ended in a fight. He had to admit, he had become accustomed to her presence, if nothing else.
That was also why he was concerned. Lin had admitted herself that she hadn't stayed in any one place for much longer than a week at a time for the past three years, and if that was really the case, then the chances weren't very good that she would be staying in the Valley of Peace for much longer. Especially if the mere idea of settling down somewhere really disturbed her that much, and he didn't think she'd been lying to him. If Lin were to leave now, after- after Tai Lung had become so attached to her, it would certainly break his heart. And Shifu would miss her cooking. A little bit.
He sighed and leaned his elbows on the table; he didn't know why he was so concerned about Lin leaving; after all, when she had first begun working at the Jade Palace, he'd wanted nothing more than for her to beat a hasty retreat. And it wasn't as if she had even said that she would leave for sure- all she had told him was that it had been a few years since she had settled down last. And that settling down made her feel uneasy. ...And that she was perfectly content with the philosophy that nothing in life ever lasted.
He let out a low groan under his breath; it was a miracle she hadn't already left the Valley of Peace. He wasn't sure if there was anything he could do to stop her, either. If he brought it up, he risked giving her ideas if she hadn't thought to leave already. And if she had, she might feel as though he still wanted her gone. Or, even worse, she might think that he wanted her to stay. He supposed the best thing to do was to try to avoid driving her away- try to get along with her, and show her how good life could be in the Valley of Peace. It would be difficult, to say the least, but he had handled more difficult situations. He couldn't think of any at the moment, but that wasn't the point.
He decided to get some sleep; he wasn't going to be able to think of anything right that moment, and he'd had a long day. It would be best to give himself some time to rest and recharge, and address the situation in the morning- if there even was a situation. For all he knew, he could be overreacting and blowing what Lin had said completely out of proportion in his own mind. Still, it was better to be safe than sorry. At least, that was what he was going to tell himself over and over again to try to get himself through spending time with her.
Despite the absolutely drool-inducing smells wafting from the kitchen and his own stubborn nature, Shifu almost balked. He was about to do the unthinkable: he was about to treat Lin with more civility than she even possessed in her entire body, let alone deserved. Even after a good night's rest, he had still been concerned about her leaving (but only for Tai Lung's sake) and had come to the conclusion that the only way to settle his nerves on the subject would be to at least do something to prevent it. And, if he treated her nicely enough, she might open up and tell him whether or not she was actually planning to leave the Valley of Peace.
"Good morning," he greeted as casually as he could as he strode into the kitchen and sat down in his usual seat at the table. "What smells so good?"
"Breakfast," she answered shortly, "which you once again missed. Your lonely son is in the training hall with Oogway already."
He managed to squash his anger at the passive-aggressive statement, and instead focused on something less rage inducing to discuss. "So what did you make?"
"I decided to use the last of our tofu and fresh vegetables to make something of a medley. I was gonna just throw your portion away, but since you finally got here, you might as well eat it." With that, she dropped a plate and a cup of tea in front of him, then returned to the counter, which she had been wiping down.
He eyed her suspiciously as he realized something about her that he had never really noticed before: she didn't like it when he missed meals. It seemed like such a small thing to get angry about, yet at the same time so obvious. And yet he had never put two and two together; all those times when she had treated him badly directly after missing out on a meal had never registered with him, probably because she didn't treat him much better when he was present. But he could see in her body language and hear in her tone that she was legitimately annoyed with him, and it was obvious from her comments what she was annoyed about. "I am sorry," he blurted out before he could stop himself. "For missing breakfast, that is." He supposed since he'd already apologized he might as well tell her why he was late. "I've had a lot on my mind lately, and I needed some time to meditate and clear my head."
"Hmph," she replied coldly, scrubbing vigorously at one spot on the counter, apparently trying to get a particularly tough stain out- he took note of the fact that she was doing so with her left arm. Then, after a few more moments she finally gave in and answered him with real words. "Next time just stop by and say something. I don't like waiting for your- your slow and not fast ass."
"Slow and not fast?" he repeated, amazed at how ridiculous some of the things that came out of her mouth could be.
"You heard me," she grumbled.
He didn't see why she even cared whether he showed up to meals or not, but he supposed he should have said something; he hadn't realized that she'd waited for him. "So..." He searched for something else to say to her, anything at all. "...What have you got planned for today?" He cursed himself for the stupidity of the question; she was a cook after all, how much variety could her schedule possibly have?
"Nothing much," she grunted, though her curt tone was mainly due to the effort she was putting into scrubbing the countertop. "Cooking, baking, all that jazz. I also gotta head down to the village after this for some heavy duty grocery shopping."
"Ah." He nodded, even though she wasn't even facing him to see it. "That sounds... Interesting." He was horrible at small talk, and he knew it, but there was nothing he could really do about it except to keep asking questions. But it was difficult to think of something to ask Lin that she wouldn't find invasive, and he spent so much time thinking about what to bring up next that he ended up letting the conversation lapse into awkward silence. Then he worried about whether or not it would even be appropriate to break said silence, because Lin seemed so fixated on her duties that he wondered if this was a sign that she wasn't in the mood to talk.
Luckily, she was the one to break the silence. She actually stopped scrubbing, tossed the washcloth haphazardly aside, then turned around to face him. She hesitated a moment, then leaned back against the counter and awkwardly crossed her arms. "Hey... You wanna... I dunno. Come with me?"
"Why?" he asked immediately, suspicious; Lin would never even ask him to accompany her across the room, let alone all the way down to the village.
"Well, my arm is sore," she admitted. "And I would appreciate some help."
"So in other words," he concluded with no small amount of smugness, "you need help." It perhaps was not the best time to bring up that old argument, but he couldn't stop himself; some habits were just too difficult to break. Besides, it felt strange to speak to Lin without actually fighting... As if something were missing.
"No," she protested immediately, still unwilling to admit that she needed anyone's help, even when she had just asked for it. "I don't need help, I want help. There's a difference."
He couldn't believe that she was arguing with him about it. "What is the difference, then?"
"The difference is that if you say no, then I'll be able to manage on my own," she clarified. "Saying that I need your help implies that I would not be able to go alone."
He wasn't going to give up the argument so easily, though; for once, he just wanted her to admit that she needed help with something, even something as trivial as a grocery trip. "Well if you can manage on your own, then why did you ask me to come along?"
"'Cause it'd make my life easier," she huffed, crossing her arms. "But I shoulda known you wouldn't wanna make my life any easier. Never mind that whole oath you took to help people."
"People in need," he corrected, and leveled her with a flat glare, waiting for her to finally admit defeat.
"Okay, I'll go alone," she sniffed and turned around to leave. "And since I don't gotta wait for you, I'll just leave right now." With that, she bustled out of the kitchen.
Shifu took a sip of his tea as he watched the doorway, waiting for her to realize that she hadn't brought any bags or baskets with her. He didn't have to wait long.
"I forgot my bags," she grunted as she stomped back into the kitchen, rubbing at her shoulder as she went.
"Don't do that." He knew that she was only trying to make him feel guilty for refusing to carry her groceries for her. "You'll only make your shoulder sore for real."
"It is sore for real." She glared at him a moment, then grabbed her bags and headed back to the doorway. "And if you are willing to sit here on your chubby little butt while an injured woman carries the heavy groceries that you are going to stuff your face with up a mountain, then that is your business."
He hated when she guilted him- the only thing she was better at than insulting people was making them feel guilty. "Is your arm really bothering you?"
"Hey, if I was lying you wouldn't know. But wouldn't it just kill you if you didn't come with me, and you were sitting around up here wondering whether or not my arm was really bothering me?"
"You have a problem." He knew that she was going to continue badgering him until he gave in anyway, so he might as well just join her down in the village. He hadn't gone into the village in quite some time, and it would be nice to get some fresh air. "Alright, I give in," he sighed and stood up. "Hand me a bag, then."
"Here." Of course she dumped all of the bags into his hands. "And try to keep up, old man, I like to get my shopping done quickly."
The crack about his age had become so routine that it barely even bothered him anymore; not enough to say anything about it, anyway. "What do you need to get?" He followed her out onto the grounds, surprised at how fast she could walk when she actually wanted to.
"Everything," she answered, her tone more business-like than he was used to. "I mean, we could probably manage a few more days on what we have, but the weather's nice today and it's best not to wait too long to refill the pantry, y'know? Plus, if we go grocery shopping this morning I can make curry tonight."
Of all her traits that irked him, Shifu had to admit that he found her love for curry to be the most physically distressing. "Is this going to be a dish that my stomach can handle?" He sincerely doubted it, but he thought it best to ask anyway.
"You can handle a mild chickpea curry," she huffed back, rolling her eyes at him. "Honestly, you're a more finicky eater 'an your seven-year-old son."
"Why must you mock absolutely every aspect of my life?" He only wished he knew enough about her to retaliate.
"'Cause you're very mockable," she replied casually as they reached the thousand steps into the village.
He stayed close to her on the staircase, just in case she fell- she didn't exactly have a good track record, after all. "I am about ninety-nine percent sure that 'mockable' is not a real word."
"See, this is why you're always so high-strung," she pointed out, her know-it-all attitude working its way to the forefront. "You're finicky, you're nitpicky, you're a control freak-"
"I am not a control freak," he huffed indignantly.
"Please," she scoffed, "Tai Lung told me once that you have a written schedule worked out for the entire year. What about that doesn't scream 'control freak'?"
He was going to have to talk to Tai Lung about what was and what was not appropriate to tell other people in regards to the lives and habits of others. "Well, I do not necessarily stick to it like glue! After all, this was not scheduled."
"Wow, way to get wild."
He glared at her a moment, then reminded himself that he was attempting to get along with her. Yet that seemed more and more like an impossible task with each and every word that came out of her mouth. "You know what? This conversation is over. I think it would be best for both of us if we just continued this trip in silence."
"Fine, whatever," she agreed easily, to his surprise. And then she surprised him even further by going through with her agreement and not saying anything at all as they descended the stairs into the village.
Once or twice he contemplated breaking the silence, but he couldn't bring himself to do so when he had been the one to suggest it in the first place. By the time they reached the village and headed toward the market a heavy awkwardness had descended upon them, one that not even the bright colors and bustling crowds could chase away. As they approached the wide main street of the marketplace, he supposed he probably should say something- anything, really- to break the tension, but nothing was coming to mind. He was starting to think that he'd never be able to start up a conversation with her when an opportunity arose.
Lin suddenly slowed down considerably, despite the villagers hurrying about around her, her eyes straying to a stand that was selling... Rocks. Simple, rough, unpolished rocks and minerals.
"Why are you looking at rocks?" Shifu's curiosity got the better of him and he approached the stand to get a closer look- perhaps the items would give him more insight to her past (or her unusual mind).
"No!" she protested, chasing after him. "I wasn't looking at those, it was just... Just..." She trailed off as they stopped in front of the booth and bit her lip as she stared down at the wares. "Oh, don't do this to me."
"Do what?" The vendor didn't appear to be present, and he even went so far as to lean forward to make sure the vendor wasn't simply a small species he couldn't see. "Do you think he went on a bathroom break?" On the bright side, they were at least speaking again- for the most part as if the awkward silence had never happened.
"Maybe. Let's go before he gets back and starts talking about how great- oh, titanium!" Her eyes widened as she leaned over some miniscule pieces of ore and pressed her fingers to her mouth; she looked like a young girl marveling at fine jewelry.
"What could you possibly need titanium for?" he huffed, though his interest was piqued.
"Y'know, a lotta people say that, but you'd be surprised at the kinda bright, sharp-" She suddenly stopped herself, then let out a disparaged sigh. "But I can't afford titanium."
"Oh." He had really wanted to know what she'd been about to say, and he would have asked, but she continued ranting about the seemingly innocuous minerals.
"What I could really use- look!" She startled him by reaching out and grabbing his sleeve, then giving it a little tug, like a child who wanted a toy would. "Look, iron oxide. Oh, I love iron oxide." She stared longingly down at the chunk of rock, her hand still bunched in his sleeve.
Shifu cleared his throat, an awkward blush rising to his cheeks with every passing moment she spent clinging to him. "Uhm, not to ruin your mood, but-"
"Smalt!"
"What?"
"And look! Lapis lazuli! He has lapis lazuli! When's the last time you've seen lapis? Oh my God, it's so expensive." She reached out a single finger and gave the dirty blue rock a gentle poke. "I've only ever seen lapis once," she said, her voice practically a whisper.
"That's, uhm... Good for you. I suppose." He still had absolutely no idea what all the fuss was about.
"I wonder if he's selling any copper. Ooh, or limestone. I don't see either of those here, though... Maybe not, then." She paused and swept her gaze over the stand's wares one more time. "I don't have that kinda money, though." With one last dejected sigh, she gave his sleeve (which she had refused to let go of) a sharp tug. "C'mon, before I die here. You shouldn't drag me to places like this, it's torture."
He honestly had no idea what to say to her. What he had witnessed had been bordering on completely insane. "You really like rocks, don't you?"
Then, inexplicably, she replied, "Not especially."
"...I wonder about you sometimes."
"Only sometimes?" She reached out and poked him in the side, then turned and headed toward a produce stand, dragging him along with her.
"You can let go of me now," he informed her.
"No," she snapped, startling him with her instant refusal.
"...Why not?" He could feel himself blushing at the thought of having to walk around the marketplace arm in arm with his cook- it was not exactly the most enjoyable of mental images.
"'Cause I brought you down here for a reason, and I don't want you wandering off like some kinda awestruck little kid."
"And why on earth would I want to wander off?"
"Don't get a big head over this-" She paused, then snorted to herself. "I mean, don't get a bigger head over this, but those women over by the fruit stand are giving you the eye."
"Really?" Without even thinking he whirled around to look over his shoulder, but was stopped by Lin reaching out, grabbing his mustache, and yanking his head back around. "Hey!"
"Nice job, Cap'n Obvious." She then topped off her physical abuse by elbowing him- hard- in the side. "They're not supposed to know that you know that they're looking at you, dummy. Now you blew up your whole spot- not that you woulda had a chance in hell, anyway."
"How do you know all that?" he grumbled, rubbing at his sore snout.
"How's about this: I'm a woman." She rolled her eyes at him, clearly disgusted, then turned to a vegetable stand to start picking through some cabbage. "Hence, I know how women think, I know how they operate, and I know that they're only looking over here 'cause they know exactly who you are- you ain't hard to spot with those ears, y'know."
"Now look here-" he was interrupted when she shoved two cabbages at him, practically punching him in the stomach as she did so.
"I mean, let's face it: you're pretty goofy looking. Although, women don't care that much about that kinda stuff, depending on how much money you make and how much social status you got."
"I will have you know that many women find me attractive," he huffed, offended; he didn't see why she was always so quick to point out his physical flaws. He knew for a fact that if he so much as thought of trying the same thing with her she'd refuse to feed him for a week. "And I can be quite charming when I want to be." Well, that was a little bit of a lie, but she'd never find out.
"Oh yeah?" She was going to do something horrific to him, he could already tell. "You thinking of trying to prove it by going to talk to those women over there?"
"Maybe I am!"
"Well, they are looking over here again." She eyed him as if he were one of the vegetables in the stand, which was not a good sign. "Alright, then."
Shifu had a hard time believing that she would agree to something like that so easily, especially after she had started an argument over it. "What is the catch?"
"No catch," she replied casually as she pulled her handkerchief out of her belt. "Before you go over there, though, you gotta make sure you look your best." With that, she grabbed him by the collar, spit into the handkerchief, and rubbed it into his cheek.
"What are you doing?" He attempted to recoil, but she only yanked him closer.
"You got a little schmutz," she replied smugly, then finally let him go, shaking out her handkerchief. "Sorry, did I embarrass you in front of your girlfriends?" she then asked with false sweetness. "I'm sure they didn't see that. Go say hello!" She even slapped him in the arm with the cloth. "Good luck."
"I just want you to know," he growled back, "that if you were to ever have children, there would be that many more serial killers in this world."
"I better get started then." She shoved a couple of bunches of carrots at him. "The population could use some thinning out." She followed up the carrots with scallions. "You better take over here while I go find someone to knock me up, and I'll meet you back up on the mountain after I get laid."
"So this is the last time I'll ever see you." He might as well insult her right back, since they were already arguing. "You should know that I am not very good at goodbyes."
She glared at him a moment, then cleared her throat. "D'you know what the fastest way to a man's heart is?"
"Yes, I know, through his stomach." He rolled his eyes at the old adage; if that were true, even he would have fallen for her.
"No," she argued, catching him off-guard. Then she formed her hand into a fist and held it up menacingly. "It's through his chest."
"You are an abusive, grating, vindictive little piece of lint," he snapped, snatching the garlic she held out to him and stuffing it into his grocery bag. "And no man in his right mind would ever want you to bear his children."
"Flattery won't get you anywhere today, but I appreciate the effort." She started looking through onions, squeezing them one by one to find the firmest ones. "Y'know, at least my kids would have normal sized heads. If you ever knocked a woman up, she'd die in childbirth trying to pass your kid's huge melon."
"I hear insanity is genetic," he shot back.
"It sure is," she agreed. "My dad used to suffer from delusions of grandeur- he thought he was the head of the household, y'see. You and him have that in common."
"Well, you know what they say. Women always end up cooking for men like their fathers." He caught several onions that she tossed his way, then raised an eyebrow at her. "And will you be carrying any of these groceries today?"
"No," she scoffed without even a moment's hesitation. "That's what you're here for."
"I am moments away from picking you up and throwing you," he warned, then flushed with embarrassment when he realized from the strange looks the vendor and their fellow patrons were giving them that everyone around them had heard their unusual exchange. "Perhaps we should move along." "Whatsamatter, embarrassed?" She leaned over some snow peas, then held out her hand. "Gimme a small bag," she ordered.
"What are you, my wife?" he groused as he handed over a bag.
"No, God willing. It's hard enough trying to feed you, let alone take care of you." She began filling the bag with snow peas as she spoke. "By the way, whaddaya think about something simple for lunch, like snow peas with garlic and ginger over rice?"
"Even if I tell you what I think, you won't listen to me anyway."
"Naw, I value your opinion." She handed the bag of snow peas to him. "Just not as much as I value my opinion. Now c'mon." She turned and headed out into the crowd- though not before grabbing onto his sleeve again- barely giving him enough time to pay.
"There is no need to lead me about like a child," he grumbled, and yet he still followed her. He had so many things he still wanted to ask her, though, and he wanted her to at least be in a passable mood- which meant going along with her, even if she dragged him. "So..." He tried to think of an innocuous enough topic to keep her from getting suspicious. "...Where did you learn to cook?" he settled on.
"My grandmother, of course," she readily answered.
"Not your mother?" He recalled her occasionally mentioning her mother, so it couldn't be that she had grown up without one.
"Nah," she sighed as she stopped at a fruit stand and started inspecting apples for bruises. "My mom didn't even like being in the same room as me. She wasn't about to teach me anything."
He had a hard time believing that about any mother. "Was that because you were as crude and mean as a child as you are today?"
"Not quite," she scoffed. "Try this one on for size: I was always the nice one."
"'The nice one?' By what standard?" He couldn't see Lin being "the nice one" ever, even in a group of murderers and thieves.
"It's true," she argued, dumping an armful of apples into his bag. "I come from a very mean family. I was always the 'soft' one, y'know? Always being kind, showing sympathy, crap like that."
"You?" he scoffed. "Somehow I doubt it."
She snorted as she picked out oranges. "I like how you have no trouble believing that there's an Invisible Trident of Destiny on that empty stand in the hall-"
"It is there," he protested, but she just glared at him and continued.
"And yet you regard the idea of me having any kinda good qualities as a complete fabrication." She then dumped the oranges on him, as well. "I can be nice, too, y'know. I've been nice to you, and to Tai Lung and Oogway. In fact, I'm nice to most people."
She did have a point there- at least, Tai Lung certainly wouldn't like her so much if she hadn't been kind to him. "Then explain why you are so hellbent on making me miserable."
"Well, that's the thing," she replied matter-of-factly as she dropped some limes into his bag. "I was nice to you to begin with. Yet, from the moment we met, you were the one treating me like crap, if I recall correctly."
He felt more than a little sheepish when she pointed that out; in hindsight, he could see that her claim was... Well, it was true. He'd had good reason, at least, and he would have said so if she hadn't continued speaking.
"I tried, I really did. And you just kept right on acting like a huge ass. So, finally, I thought to myself, 'Y'know what? Bitch wanna play that game? Fine. I be bringing it.' And the rest is history. Catch!" She tossed a few lemons his way and continued on shopping as if they had just been discussing the weather.
"I am going to disregard everything that was wrong with what you just said and focus on the matter at hand- you are telling me that the only reason you go out of your way to aggravate me is that I was distrustful and unfriendly toward you to begin with?"
"That's why I started, yes," she replied, then handed him a bunch of persimmons.
He decided not to ask what they could possibly need persimmons for and stay on topic. "Then... Would it be possible for us to call a truce?"
"No," she answered without even a moment's hesitation.
"Why not?" he snapped, annoyed by how quickly she'd refused.
"'Cause I may have started treating you like a plaything on my game board as a vendetta, but now I just do it for pure enjoyment." She raised her eyebrows at the expression of shock and rage on his face. "Oh, c'mon. I've toldya about a million times that I'm just in it for the laughs."
"I don't think I ever truly believed you until now," he said, shaking his head.
"Relax, tubby." She handed him two bunches of bananas. "You like it, too- and don't deny it. If you didn't, you wouldn't try to get me back. It's just the nature of our relationship. Accept it, embrace it, and move on. Ooh, a sale on quinces!"
"I cannot help but feel as though you are mocking me, even now."
"Them's the breaks."
"Apparently so," he huffed as he accepted the armful of quinces she shoved at him. "And what, exactly, are you going to do with quinces?"
"Oh, there's plenty- quince jelly, poached quinces with honey, quince lime sauce-"
"Alright, I get it." He probably shouldn't have even asked. "Do you always buy this much when you're in the market?"
"Only when I have my walking money purse with me," she replied, then gave him a fond pat on the stomach.
"Lovely." His humiliation was then brought to a head when the vendor, a rather large pig with black markings, decided to jump into the conversation.
"I know how it feels," he sympathized. "To tell the truth, most of what you're spending here's gonna end up in my wife's hands."
"We're not married," Shifu replied as quickly as he could get the words past his lips; that was the absolute last mix-up he wanted happening.
Of course, Lin would not let him escape embarrassment so easily. "No, we're just living in sin," she added. "Like I always say, how can it be wrong when it feels so right?" She even topped off the lie by batting her eyes at Shifu in a parody of a love struck expression. "So how much do we owe you?"
He let out an audible groan, no longer worried about what the villagers around him would think; after all, his reputation was already done for as it was. He hadn't expected the shopping trip to go well, but he'd at least thought that he would have been able to strike some type of truce with Lin. Apparently, though, that was impossible. What he really needed to concentrate on doing was keeping himself from attempting to strangle her before the trip's end.
"C'mon, honeybunch, we still gotta stock up on grains," she called over her shoulder as she headed off to the next stand, leaving him to pay for the piles of fruit she'd bought, as well as haul said fruit around.
He had a feeling that it was going to be very difficult to restrain himself. Especially after the vendor told him just how much she had spent.
It had been an exceedingly strange day, Lin reflected as she stood in the Hall of Heroes, trying to gain some inspiration from all the grand artifacts surrounding her. First, Shifu had surprisingly agreed to help her on a shopping trip- and had actually seemed interested in conversing with her, and spending time with her. That had been a first, for sure. Especially since he didn't seem to be concerned at all with grilling her relentlessly about her past, as he was sometimes wont to do. He had even helped her put all the food away once they'd gotten back to the Jade Palace, and had at least feigned interest when she'd started talking about the differences between glutinous and non-glutinous rice. He also hadn't seemed at all suspicious when she'd slipped up and stopped at that stand selling minerals and ores- she supposed that his thick head did have its uses.
That hadn't even been the most unnerving part of the day, either. After lunch, Oogway of all people had sought her out to ask her a favor- hence her current presence in the Hall of Heroes. She was still running through the conversation she'd had with Oogway over and over again in her head, barely able to believe that it had happened. He'd just walked right up to her and asked her, as if the request were no greater than asking her to pick some peaches.
"Are you sure?" she'd asked, stunned by the request. "I mean, isn't this supposed to be some sorta great honor bestowed upon only the most skilled of masters?"
"Well, yes," he'd admitted. "Either that, or it is bestowed upon someone with very good connections. And I believe that, in this field, you have quickly become as well-connected as it is possible to be. After all, I am the Grand Master of kung fu."
"True." She had still been nervous- fearful of messing up or taking too long. The job seemed totally out of her league, so she had tried to think of any excuse whatsoever to turn him down. "But isn't it kinda fulla yourself, y'know, for you to ask someone to do this, instead of Shifu or someone asking about it?"
"I don't think so," he'd argued benignly. "After all, I do not plan to live forever, and when the time comes for me to pass on to the next world, I am sure that Shifu will want to honor me. It never hurts to be prepared."
"Wait, what if you outlive Shifu?"
At that statement, he had merely gazed calmly at her with an expression that read, "There's no way in hell that's going to happen, and I know it."
"Oh snap," she'd breathed at that. "Does Shifu know you're planning to kick the bucket on him?"
"Not for some time yet." He had then held up a hand to signal that if she asked anything more on the subject, he would not be answering. "And do not try to change the subject. I have made this request of you for a reason- because you are the one I want for this job."
"But haven't you had this done before?" She had still argued, even though she'd known it was futile. "I mean, can't you just-"
"No." He had spoken much more firmly than she was used to, and it was the first time he had ever cut her off. "Lin, I want you to do this because seldom have I met people even remotely like you, and even those few do not measure up. It may sound to you like a cliche, but you are unique. And yours is the point of view that I desire. Surely you understand."
She definitely hadn't had an argument for that. It had been one of the strangest, yet most touching compliments she'd ever received. It had taken her quite some time to respond, and when she finally did all she had managed to get out was a weak, "But what if I can't?"
"You can," he'd replied simply. "I believe that you can. And I am sure that, despite your fears, you do too." He'd paused to give her a warm smile, then, and she still couldn't believe how much her spirits had been bolstered by that simple gesture of good faith.
"Okay," she'd finally agreed. "I'll do it."
"Excellent. Of course, I will compensate you properly."
That was where she had drawn the line, and while she had spent the good part of an hour cringing after the fact, she was glad that she'd at least had enough integrity to do the right thing. "I can't accept your money," she'd worked out, her voice strained by the pain it had caused her to turn down payment. After all, the sum normally collected for such a job was easily twice the amount she had already saved up from working at the Jade Palace, and even then she was compensating for her lack of experience and notoriety. She knew for a fact that each of her old Masters would have no qualms about charging four or five times that much.
"I could not let you do such a thing," Oogway had predictably argued, ever the generous old lump of sugar. "After all, have you not been saving your money for a journey? Surely even a small payment would assist you."
"Nope." She had somehow kept her resolve. "You... You're my friend. And I know that I complain a lot about my salary, but it's mostly just to annoy Shifu. Really, you've helped me a lot just by letting me be the cook around here. So, as a favor for a friend, and to thank you for your kindness, I can't in good conscience possibly accept any form of monetary compensation." She'd felt ready to throw up after saying something like that; so much money, and she'd turned it all down.
"Thank you." The sincere gratitude that had been clear in his voice was worth it, at least. "I know you have suffered a few setbacks in your travels so far, so at least allow me to compensate you for materials. After all, these things are traditionally very, well..."
"Glitzy."
"Yes. That. Don't go overboard, though- I do not want to be covered in gold and lapis. Then I would seem full of myself."
"Good point. Okay, I'll accept compensation for materials. And of course I don't need to remind you to keep this on the down low."
"Of course."
"Then it looks like we got ourselves a deal." She had reached out and clasped his hand at that, a sign in her hometown that a verbal contract had been confirmed. Then, just for the hell of it, she'd formed a fist and bumped her knuckles up against his; that had elicited a hearty chuckle.
Yet now, even after the shock had worn off, she was at a loss. Oogway had given her no specific requests on what he'd wanted. He'd simply told her that he trusted her judgement. So, she had been left with enough yuan to choke a small horse (he would certainly be getting change back after she bought her materials) and absolutely no idea what to do. She supposed she could just... Wait for something to come to her. It seemed like such a weak cop-out, though.
She walked over to the Sword of Heroes and stared at the jade green etching of a dragon along the blade. According to Tai Lung, the sword was apparently so sharp that she could cut herself just by looking at it, but she didn't believe that; in fact, most of the kung fu stories he told her sounded like pure fantasy. They usually involved mystical powers, demons, chi manipulation- in other words, they were just fairy tales. She wouldn't even bring up the Invisible Trident of Destiny in conversation with him; as she had suggested to Shifu earlier, there were so many things wrong with that particular display in the Hall of Heroes that she didn't even want to go there.
She was getting distracted. But then again, that might just be what she needed. She knew from experience that if she spent too long thinking about a project she'd end up thinking herself right into a corner- so a little breather here and there was necessary. Besides, she would need to get dinner started soon anyway; curry was fairly easy to make, but it had a lot of ingredients and took quite some time. And of course she loved her curry as spicy as possible, so she would have to make some mild for Shifu, since the idiot could barely look at a pepper without getting the runs.
She realized as she headed out of the hall that she was becoming a little too comfortable at the Jade Palace. She knew that the longer she stayed, the harder it would be to leave, so perhaps she should consider going before she reached her monetary goal. Even a week could make a difference, and besides, the longer she stayed in one place the higher the risk rose of the "authorities" finding her. Granted, the Valley of Peace was as far removed from the empire as it was possible to get without actually leaving China, but should anything happen it was still under the rule of the Emperor.
That settled it. As soon as she finished up her project for Oogway, she would head out, regardless of cost. After all, no matter how she may feel, every moment she spent there was wasted time. At least, that was what she would tell herself to get herself the hell out of there.
A/N: Mwahahaha! You'll never know what Oogway wanted from Lin! Actually, just kidding- you'll find out in a few more chapters. In the meantime, you may surmise it on your own (hopefully I've dropped enough clues for that). Or you may wait in anguish for me to reveal it, ever wondering what horrors lay in store for you. Whichever. Also of note: the whole "way to a man's heart is through his chest" joke was courtesy of Roseanne.
Anyway, thanks to all you readers for your patience- things will soon begin to unravel, and hopefully there are still a few surprises in store. In our next chapter: Lin opens up and Shifu listens. There isn't much else I can say without spoilers.