A/N: Sorry this is a little late- I made the chapter another long one to make it up to you lovely readers. Also, coming at you now is a fairly contemplative chapter, but those happen sometimes, so hopefully I've made it interesting. Without further ado, I give you our next exciting installment.
Disclaimer: The usual stuff about Dreamworks.
Chapter 24: C is for Cookie and That's Good Enough for Me
Lin sighed as she sat down at the kitchen table with a cup of white tea and a jar of freshly baked almond cookies. Over the past week she had been baking (and eating) up a storm, for a number of reasons. Of course there were her feelings for Shifu, which stubbornly plagued her no matter how hard she tried to squash them. Then there was her rising sense of anxiety with every day she spent in the Valley of Peace- and it wasn't just her troubles with the law that concerned her. She hadn't been lying when she'd told Shifu that the mere idea of settling down... Well, it unsettled her. And she was starting to feel antsy. Besides all that, things were also still slow-going with her project for Oogway.
So, instead of doing anything productive with her time, she was baking and then proceeding to stuff her face with cookies. Yet she couldn't stop herself; every time she ran out of cookies, she just wanted more. And then she baked more.
"Hi, Lin." Tai Lung walked through the door, then stopped in his tracks and furrowed his brow at the sight of her shoving three cookies into her mouth at once. "Uh... Are you okay?"
She tried to say, "Yes," but it just came out as, "Uff." She took a gulp of tea to soften the cookies, chewed a few more times, and swallowed. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay... Good." He still eyed her suspiciously, anyway. "I know it's not lunch yet, but I wanted to talk to you."
"Sure thing." She got up to grab him a cup and pour him some. "Siddown, kid. Have some cookies, too- not too many, though."
"You mean you left some?" he asked as he took the seat next to hers.
She blinked at him, surprised by the joke; he must have picked it up from listening to her fights with Shifu. "Keep it up, smart guy, and see if I ever make dessert for you again." She set a cup of tea in front of him and sat down again, grabbing some more cookies for herself. "So... Let's talk." She dunked a cookie into her tea and took a bite.
"Well, I was actually wondering if I could ask you a question." He copied her by dunking his cookie into his tea, too.
"Sure thing." She wasn't sure what to expect; Tai Lung sometimes asked her strange and invasive questions, but she couldn't exactly tell him not to ask. She just chalked it up to him not having grown up around a lot of other people.
"You're pretty old, right?"
She had been taking a sip of tea when he asked her, and she coughed, almost spitting it out. "Old?" She may have been old enough to be his mother already, but just barely- she was hardly old.
"Well, y'know, you're grown up," he corrected quickly.
"Yeah, I am." She was starting to wonder where this was leading.
"So... How come you're not married or you don't have kids or anything? I mean, besides the fact that you hate marriage and all." He stared at her, and she wondered if he was expecting some kind of elaborate story.
Truth be told, if she had accepted an arranged marriage as was the custom for her hometown she would have a husband and presumably about five or six children already (at least, if she was as fertile as every other woman in her family she would), the oldest of which would be around Tai Lung's age. She suppressed a shudder at that thought. "It's... I dunno," she answered truthfully- she assumed he was talking about love. "It's not something I think about. I mean... It's not that I don't like the idea of falling in love or anything, but... I dunno." She rubbed at her face, stumped by the question. "I just don't understand that kinda stuff."
"Why not?" His curiosity was starting to get a little irritating.
"Falling in love is hard." She set down her tea, trying to think of a way to answer that wasn't too discouraging or depressing. "And it's difficult to trust people, too. There are some people who... How do I put it?" She realized she was babbling, so she stopped to gather herself. "Some people aren't meant for that kinda stuff. Even if it's something they want. Maybe I'm just one of those people. You understand?"
"So you think it's your destiny to never fall in love with someone?" The question was incredibly blunt, but she was the one who'd said it in the first place.
"Yeah." She scratched behind her ear, embarrassed by the admission. "It's not a big deal."
"What if someone falls in love with you?" He seemed insistent on pursuing the subject.
"That'd never happen," she answered without thinking. Once it actually came out of her mouth, she was surprised at how easily she could say something like that. But she had always believed it, even though she'd never really talked about it.
"How come?"
"'Cause I don't really have the kinda personality that men like, and I'm not pretty. I mean, a man'll still go for an independent, outspoken woman such as myself as long as she's got looks, too. Otherwise, forget it. Besides, the older I get, the less likely it is that someone will fall in love with me. Men don't like it when women age."
Tai Lung looked pensive for a moment, then frowned. "That's stupid," he concluded.
Lin laughed; even if he hadn't meant to, he'd made her feel at least a little better.
"Besides, lotsa men like you. I like you, Master Oogway likes you... I think Master Shifu likes you, too."
"Thanks, kid, but I think you were reaching a little with that last one." She leaned over and flicked his nose with her index finger.
"Ow!" He rubbed at his nose and stuck his tongue out at her. "Maybe if you were nicer, someone might fall in love with you."
"Har har, very good. I'm plenty nice and you know it, kid." She grabbed another cookie and got up to pour herself another cup of tea.
"Who knows," he went on, "maybe if you were a little nicer Master Shifu might even fall in love with you."
She then poured tea all over the countertop as her mouth fell open and she stared at Tai Lung in pure, unabashed disgust. "I cannot believe those words just came out of your mouth. I can already feel my skin crawling." She finally managed to get her tea in the cup, then grabbed a towel and started wiping down the counter.
"Oh, come on. You admitted to Master Oogway that you like Master Shifu, and I already knew before that anyway!"
She made a mental note to beat Oogway senseless with his own walking stick. "Alright, fine! You win! But just 'cause I have a- a thing for Shifu doesn't mean it's not accompanied by feelings of shame, disgust, and self-loathing!" She tossed her towel aside, then realized that she had probably been a little too short with him. "Sorry I snapped at you," she apologized, clearing her throat awkwardly.
"I dunno why you think it's dumb to have feelings for Master Shifu," he grumbled, slumping in his chair a little. "I mean, obviously you like him for a reason. So what kinda reason is there to be disgusted? I mean, it's not like he's a bad person. How do you know you're not meant to fall in love if you never try?"
"Exactly," she replied, then rejoined him at the table. "I'm not gonna fall in love with Shifu 'cause I don't wanna fall in love with Shifu."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm lea-" She stopped herself there, though. She wasn't sure if it was so wise to say anything about her plans to vacate China. "I'm leaning toward... Uh... Celibacy. For life."
"What's celibacy, again?" he asked, blinking innocently at her.
"It's just something that Shifu does, you should ask him about it." She realized how mean that was, but she didn't exactly care at the moment. "Look, I know how it is to fall for someone you can't have- it's kinda what I do. And I'm trying to break the habit, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop all this attempted match-making- and don't try to pretend that's not what you're doing."
He closed his mouth with an audible click, looking sheepish for once. "Okay, so I blew up my spot. I just want you guys to be happy."
"I am happy," she said as firmly as she possibly could with him giving her those big, sad kitten eyes. "I'm happy just the way I am: single. And there's nothing wrong with that. Now, eat your cookies."
"Fine," he huffed, slumping in his seat and popping a cookie into his mouth. "Just to let you know, though, I'm on your side."
"Yeah, yeah." She reached over and pinched his cheek, just to be annoying. She also knew exactly what to say next to effectively end the conversation and get Tai Lung back to the training hall before Shifu discovered his absence. "So, you wanna help me make lunch?"
"No thanks," he answered immediately, and finished his tea in one gulp. "I should really get some meditation or something in before we eat, or Master Shifu'll make me do laps again." Sometimes the kid could be just as predictable as his old man. "What are you making?"
"Ever heard of kimchi?"
"Yeah, and ewwwww." He wrinkled his nose as he hopped out of his seat. "I'll see you at lunch, so long as I don't have to eat kimchi." With that, he ran off to go smash wooden dummies and dodge fire and whatever else it was that he did all day.
She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, contemplating the conversation she'd just had with Tai Lung; she couldn't believe that he'd come to talk to her about love, of all things. He was only a kid, after all. She supposed that in a way his worries about love were at least half her fault- mainly due to her fights with Shifu. If she went a little easier on the idiot, maybe Tai Lung wouldn't be so desperate for them to get along (and apparently fall in love).
To tell the truth, though, she couldn't help herself. Even when she was trying to be nice to the melon-head she still ended up making fun of him- but it was just so easy. It seemed like every five minutes he was doing or saying something absolutely hilarious, and without even noticing. That was part of what she liked about him; she had a weakness for men who could make her laugh. And he was pretty funny when he was actually trying to be, in a sarcastic way. She made fun of him because he was funny, because she liked him, and because she knew that no matter how agitated he got, he would get over it. He always forgave her, no matter what it was she did to him. And the same was true for her, she supposed; after all, not many women would bounce back from some the of the things he'd said and done to her, but then again not many women had the kind of relationship the two of them had- whatever that happened to be. She certainly couldn't name it.
All she knew was that she trusted him, and that he was important to her. She couldn't for the life of her say why he was important to her, but he was. She worried about him, she did things for him (she had never made special orders before he came around), she cared what he thought and felt, she actually apologized to him, she thought about him when he wasn't around and when he was she felt... Well, she felt good.
And Tai Lung had hit the nail on the head: she did want Shifu to feel the same way about her. But she knew that he didn't, and he never would. She'd never had trouble accepting the cold, hard facts of life- her grandmother had prepared her well for that. And it wasn't that she held herself in low esteem, either; she liked herself, she was confident in who she was, and she was happy with herself. She just... Held everyone else in low esteem. And she knew that she wasn't exactly "romance material," to put it nicely. And, to put it bluntly, she didn't want to be "romance material." She would rather have dysentery than fall in love. That was why it would never, ever happen- because she refused to allow it to happen.
All in all, there was only one logical conclusion to her musings: the sooner she got out of the Valley of Peace, the better. And maybe somewhere along the way she'd be able to just stop thinking about it. She snorted to herself as she headed outside to dig up the kimchi; fat chance.
Shifu squinted through the night fog and held his lantern up a little bit higher; he'd been unable to sleep and had decided that a late night stroll to look at the stars and clear his head would be in order. Unfortunately, it was so late that mist had already descended on the grounds in a heavy shroud, leaving him unable to see the ground, let alone the sky. One of the few memories he had of life before the Jade Palace was one of him attempting to count the stars when his mother thought he was in bed; for some reason he had only been able to count to twenty-eight. He'd thought it was the highest number in the world. He had no idea why he had stopped at twenty-eight; it was rather strange, to be honest. He had been something of a strange child, though.
He was starting to digress; while the last thing he wanted to do was face what happened to be bothering him, he knew that there was no point in running from his problems. If he did not face them head on, then they would only snowball out of control. Although he had to say that things were already getting pretty out of control. He'd just been so distracted lately. For instance, every time he tried to ask Lin something about her past he ended up getting distracted by something ridiculous she said or did, their trip down to the market being the most embarrassing example. He didn't know why he had even agreed to go grocery shopping with her to begin with- he should have known she'd humiliate him. But that wasn't what had been bothering him.
Lin's proclamation in the market that they were lovers, while designed specifically to give him a rage-induced heart attack, had gotten him thinking. How many lovers had she had, exactly, that she had no problem with simply announcing something like that amidst a very crowded, very public place? Had she hurt any of those men, had she broken any of their hearts? Had her heart been broken? Had she ever been married? It had been a strange subject to contemplate (especially since he still had a hard time believing that any man, woman or child could stand her for more than five minutes), but the more he thought the more he began to realize something. And that earth-shattering, humiliating, undeniable truth had been almost too difficult to admit, even to himself.
He was jealous.
He'd done his best to deny it. At first he'd thought that he was just angry at Lin's attempts to destroy his reputation. Then he'd thought that he was annoyed at her jokes, since they were casting the Jade Palace as a whole in a poor light. Then he'd thought that he was just having a spot of indigestion. And while all of those things may have been true, it was also true that he was jealous.
He knew that he was probably going insane- to be jealous at the thought of her having had a romantic involvement was so ludicrous that he was actually losing sleep over it. The only remotely logical explanation he'd been able to come up with was that his overprotective streak had reared its ugly head. After all, after the entire incident with those bandits he had been feeling a certain compulsion to see to her safety. There was absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone to be safe, to be happy... He could have sworn he'd said something like that before, but he couldn't quite recall when.
And that wasn't all. He was also jealous of Lin herself. He was jealous of her ability to be so carefree, to just say and do whatever she wanted regardless of the consequences. And then her ability to completely dodge the consequences, as if there wasn't a single rule in the entire world that applied to her. On top of that, she acted as though none of her actions were even worth batting an eye over; it just all seemed to come to her so naturally. Shifu would be the first to admit that he could be a bit rigid, and he'd always followed the rules, he'd always done his best to act in the proper way of a Master of kung fu. But sometimes- very rarely, of course- he wished just a little bit that he could be impulsive and irresponsible. He supposed that was why he had let Lin drag him down to that bar and feed him shots all night. Sometimes he just got tired of being so predictable.
He was being ridiculous, though. There was nothing desirable or admirable about a person who did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, without even a moment's consideration for how her actions might affect others. It was downright selfish. Still, Lin wasn't all bad. He was insane for thinking so, he was sure, and that was one of the many things that were keeping him awake that night. He was finding that the more time he spent in her company, the more he was coming to... Well... Like her.
He had been in denial for so long, but when he sincerely asked himself why he put up with almost everything she did and said, it had been the only answer. And he did somewhat enjoy the time they spent together. In fact, there were certain times when he had actually been happy to see her. She even made him smile every now and then. To be honest, though, he liked her the way she was; after all, even her most irritating traits were still part of what made her who she was. And she was-
She was-
Shifu stopped in his tracks, blinking. The first word that had come to mind had been "indescribable," as usual, but he hadn't meant it in the same way he usually did. Normally the thought came to him in exasperation, as in Lin was simply too aggravating for words. This time was different. This time he actually meant that she was indescribable.
"I need to talk to her," he muttered to himself as he continued on his walk; he once again was given a sense of deja vu. He tried to think of when he'd heard or said those familiar things before- about wanting someone to be safe and happy... Being happy to see them...
He once again paused as he suddenly remembered the conversation he'd had with Tai Lung about love. He had said those things, he'd told Tai Lung that they were all part of being in love. But that couldn't possibly mean that-
He couldn't-
And he'd said-
But Lin-
If she found out about this he would be a dead man for sure. After all, she had a field day if he so much as blinked awkwardly (so he'd blinked one eye before the other, it was one time); if she knew something this potentially damaging about him she'd never let him live it down. Although, perhaps he wasn't giving her enough credit.
"Crap!" As if on cue, Lin's voice sounded from the direction of the barracks and despite himself his ears twitched in the direction of her voice. "Crap, crap and more crap!"
Shifu felt the overwhelming need to curse, himself. Instead, he took a deep breath and urged himself to calm down; he was just overreacting. After all, what were the chances of Lin finding out?
Well, except for one tiny problem: he was going to tell her. Not now, of course; but eventually he was going to crack. Eventually he was going to blurt it out, in the absolutely most ludicrous way possible, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself. He knew this because it had happened before, and it would most certainly happen again.
He turned around and headed for the peach tree; he needed some time to think, and the last place he wanted to be was anywhere near the kitchen, for obvious reasons. He only hoped that he didn't stumble upon any other momentous realizations before the night was out.
"Crap!" Lin cursed as she stubbed her toe for about the third time. "Crap, crap and more crap!" She had woken up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night, and had just finished blearily making some tea; it would be a lot easier to take said tea back to her room if her lantern was stronger, or maybe if she hadn't stubbed her toe on her door as she was opening it.
"How much crap was that, again?" Tai Lung called sleepily from down the hall.
"Go back to sleep!" she yelled back.
"Yeah, that'll lull me to sleep. Better than a lullaby..." He grumbled before sliding his door shut.
She snorted and walked into her room; if she didn't know any better, she'd say her rapier wit was rubbing off on the kid. But this wasn't the time to think about that- in fact, she had just woken up from a dream that had left her with more on her mind than ever.
Lin rarely ever remembered dreaming; sleep for her was usually a heavy blanket of darkness, as blissful as it was short. And when she did remember something, it was normally the same recurring dream. Well, it wasn't a dream so much as a memory, from about three years ago.
She sat upright in the middle of her floor with her tea, replaying the dream over and over in her mind. She'd woken up well over an hour ago, and yet she couldn't focus on anything else. She had tried to fall back asleep, but eventually she'd given up and decided that a pot of jasmine tea was in order. As she drank, she couldn't help but replay the events of her dream over and over in her mind.
The dream always started differently, from different points in her memory, but it always ended the same way; many of her memories were rapidly fading, but this one would always be with her. It marked the exact moment that she realized what course the rest of her life would take. Something had clicked in her, and despite the chaos all around her and despite the panic that had been overtaking her, deep down inside she'd felt sure, for the first time in her life.
This time her dream had started a little later on than usual. She was already standing at the edge of the harbor, staring down the six feet of stone that separated Shanghai from the sea. She knew what was behind her, and by comparison the intimidating waves that were churning from the seemingly endless thunderstorm was practically a romp in the park. Or it at least held a better chance of survival. So, she jumped.
She spent most of her time underwater after that, carried further and further away from land by the current and tossed around like a rag doll by the waves. Occasionally she would break the surface long enough to suck in a deep breath despite the pounding rain and ocean spray, before again being overtaken by a large wave. By the third time she made it to the surface of the water, land was no longer visible, and the sky was so dark that it had become indistinguishable from the sea. As she'd been dragged under the waves again, she thought that she was going to die; it didn't stop her from trying to survive- her grandmother had told her to never stop fighting to live, because that was what everyone needed to do to survive- but she'd been sure that it was futile. She hadn't known which way was up and all she'd been able to hear was the sound of water churning in her ears, and everything had gone black. Then, all of a sudden, the current had carried her back to the surface of the water, and everything around her had become calm; she'd reached the eye of the storm.
That was the moment she'd had her epiphany; she felt like the world was standing still, waiting for her to realize that this was what her entire life had been leading up to, what it had been preparing her for. She finally understood that she needed to go it alone. She knew that she'd have only herself to depend on, for the rest of her life.
That was where her dream had ended, which was fitting since she couldn't remember much between that time and when she'd dragged herself back to shore in Shangba the next morning. She'd had the dream before, and she did sometimes think back on that night, but it rarely ever bothered her as much as this most recent instance had. For once in her life, she felt as though she needed to talk to someone, to get the weight of such thoughts off of her chest. She thought of Oogway's offer to lend an ear to her, and she was grateful for his compassion. However, she had someone else in mind. While Oogway's wisdom helped her to be more introspective and see things more clearly, it did not make her feel better.
Despite her reluctance to admit it, Shifu did. The man made her feel giddy just by glaring at her, for heaven's sake. It was sick, really, and she knew it. But she also knew that there was no point in denying the way she felt about him, although she'd be damned if she could pinpoint exactly when such feelings had emerged. Perhaps they'd been there from the start, and she'd just been too stubborn to recognize them for what they were.
She had only ever had these kinds of feelings for a man once before, back in Shanghai. She remembered as if it were yesterday; his kind smile, his openness, his passion for helping the poor and downtrodden citizens of the city. And the works of art that came from the man's hand had drawn her to him as much as his magnetic personality itself had.
Still, those days were long gone. When she looked back on them she felt as if she had been a child, compared to herself now, and she had only left Shanghai three years ago. Back then, she'd been foolish enough to actually believe that things had a way of working out, had maybe even held out hope that she had been loved, that such a thing was possible. She knew better now, of course. Even if she traveled to the ends of the earth and back for Shifu, he'd never return her feelings- as would be the case for any man.
The truth didn't bother her anymore, though. She had long since accepted it, embraced it even. So much the better, really, as she'd never been one much for the ridiculous notion of romance, and all of that sappy nonsense. Besides that, the attentions of a man would only serve as a distraction. She knew that there were bigger, better things waiting for her out there in the real world, where men and women fought to the death to uphold their beliefs and the few brave souls willing to rage against the currents of bigotry and oppression shouted the truth to all who would listen. That was her place, it was the life she wanted more than anything, and if she herself was the only person who would ever see how truly amazing she was, then so be it. She was all the happier for it.
Even so, there were occasions when she enjoyed having someone to talk to. And Shifu was generally as fitful a sleeper as she was, so she was almost certain she'd be able to find him out and about even at such a late hour. Besides, with those gigantic serving dishes on his head he'd probably been woken up by her cursing. She grabbed her tea and headed down the hall to see if she was right. She couldn't see a light shining through his door, but just to make sure she leaned in a little closer and muttered, "Bighead says what?" That usually elicited a response from him, no matter how tired or distracted he was.
However, there was no answer. "Hey, old man," she said a little louder. She still didn't hear anything, so she figured he was still asleep. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him up just to listen to her bitch and moan, so she turned around and headed back. She needed something to do, though.
After a moment of contemplation, she decided that some fresh air would do her good. It was a pretty warm night, but not incredibly so; it was just at the hour when mist was starting to roll in over the grounds, so even with her lantern held high she was having trouble seeing a couple of feet in front of her face. Still, she was able to make her way (slowly) up to the peach tree. She had made the trek so many times in the morning mist that she was used to it by then; a little darkness didn't make too much of a difference.
Still, she missed having the view. When she dropped down under the tree and poured herself some more tea she could still barely see a thing, but she supposed that a view would just distract her. And sure, a distraction would have been nice right about then, but she needed time to calm down and just... Well, not necessarily think. She'd been doing enough of that already. She just needed to sort herself out a little bit.
"Are you okay?"
She jumped a bit, startled by the voice behind her; it had been a while since Shifu had managed to sneak up on her, but she supposed it was mostly her own fault. She hadn't exactly been paying attention to her surroundings. Although, she'd assumed that he'd been asleep- it was pretty unusual to see him wandering around the grounds at such a late hour. "What?" she finally asked, once she felt her heartbeat had returned to its normal rate. Of course, she'd heard what he'd said perfectly well- she simply wasn't sure why he'd asked.
"Are you alright?" he asked again, then actually surprised her by sitting down beside her.
"Been better," she answered honestly, though she couldn't help but smile. She couldn't even believe herself; she was smiling, just because she was happy to see him. She was definitely going out of her mind.
"But you're smiling," he pointed out, narrowing his eyes at her. "You're not going to make a joke about me, are you?"
"Naw." She snorted, amused by his reaction; she understood why he would think that, though. "I just... I've been worse, too." That was also the truth. "I'm gonna letya in on a little secret."
"...I'm not sure if I want to know." However, he once again surprised her as his lips turned up into a small smile. He'd been joking, apparently.
"Good one," she complimented, then paused. She wondered if she should say anything at all, but then it wouldn't be fair to balk after she'd already offered to tell him. "I had... A dream. Tonight."
"Oh? You were sleeping?" He seemed surprised at that. "I thought you were an insomniac."
"No, I'm not. I just run on a different schedule 'an most people- a thirty-six hour schedule. I sleep for six of those hours, I'm awake for thirty. Although, sometimes I skip the sleeping part altogether. That's when I get a little loopy. But I digress."
"Right." He blinked back at her, his eyebrows raised. "So... You had a dream?"
"Yeah," she confirmed. "Kinda like a recurring nightmare. Or maybe just a flashback." She once again paused, though this time she was simply trying to figure out what to say next. "I almost drowned, once. I mean... Well, yeah, I guess you could say I almost drowned. I was just... Remembering it."
"Oh." He obviously had no idea what to say, and she didn't blame him. "I see."
"It made me realize something," she went on. "That I was... That I would be alone. For my whole life. I mean, not isolated, just... Never very close to people. And, y'know, I've been okay with it. I was, anyway. I... I liked being alone. I was alone for three years, and it was great. Maybe even the best three years of my life. Does that... D'you think I'm a bad person, for that? Or... Crazy, or something? For wanting to be alone?"
"Yes," he answered immediately, and she punched him in the arm for it.
"Ass," she grumbled.
"Sorry." He rubbed where she'd hit his arm, wincing a bit. "I don't think you're a bad person. Just... Different." He paused and smiled again, just a little bit. "And you are definitely out of your mind, to boot."
"Probably," she agreed quietly, and tried her best not to blush. His smile was just... Too cute. "It's just that... Until then, I'd been living my life pretty much for other people. When I thought I was gonna die, I realized that I'm important, too, y'know?" She let out a sigh, relieved to be able to actually talk about her thoughts. "Besides, life's a lot easier when I only got myself to worry about."
"So you worry about us, do you?"
"Don't get too cocky," she told him. "I worry about Tai Lung, mostly. Sometimes I worry about you, but just little things. Like, y'know, whether your head's gonna fit through the doorway or not. Stuff like that."
"You should know that you are not nearly as funny as you think you are," he grumbled, crossing his arms.
"Coulda fooled me," she shot back. "Tea?"
"No thank you." He eyed her for a moment, then finally asked her what he'd obviously been dying to ask since the conversation started. "So... Why, exactly, were you drowning?"
"'Cause I can't breathe under water," she replied easily.
"You know what I mean."
Lin actually considered telling him the truth for a second there, before she realized how insanely horrible an idea that was. Instead, she figured she'd just tell him part of the truth. "I was lost at sea during a storm for a night. I thought I was gonna drown, but then all of a sudden the current brought me back up to the surface. It was like I was pulled out of the water by the hand of God himself. Y'know what happened next?"
"You aren't going to tell me anything of any consequence whatsoever, are you?" he grumbled, his shoulders slumping a bit.
"I found a piece of driftwood! I mean, it was way too far from shore for that to be a normal occurrence, and then on top of that I washed up to shore the next morning. Isn't that amazing?"
"I didn't think so." Shifu looked for a moment the same way Tai Lung did when he was told he couldn't have dessert. "What is wrong with your past that you are so secretive?"
"Nothing's wrong with my past," she replied, and tried to keep the defensive tone out of her voice; after all, he didn't actually know anything about her past, so he must not have meant anything by it. "What's the big secret with your past, then, private eye?"
He looked stunned for a bit, and she actually thought she might have managed to shut him up. However, he bounced back pretty quickly. "There is no secret with my past."
"Oh? Well by my tally I talk about my past a helluva lot more 'an you talk about yours." She raised her eyebrows at him, waiting for him to come up with a comment in response to that.
"Well what is there to talk about?" he snapped. "Master Oogway already told you everything about that! It isn't as if I had any say in the matter!"
She had to admit, that little outburst had been pretty unexpected. "It's not like I know everything about you," she huffed, crossing her arms and frowning at him; there had really been no need to get so uppity.
"You certainly act like you do," he shot back. "You have never once asked me anything about myself."
"As if I could get a word in edgewise what with you playing quiz master all the time," she grumbled, though she could see why he was offended. They glared at each other for a while, and she squirmed a bit under his gaze. Then, inexplicably, she gave in. "Okay, fine. What'd your dad do? Didya get along with your mom? Didya have any brothers or sisters or anything? Didya think Oogway was senile when you first met him? How many-"
"Alright, that's enough," he interrupted, and narrowed his eyes at her as if he couldn't believe that she'd asked him any of those things. "Why did you ask so many things about... About before I met Master Oogway?"
"'Cause that's what you never talk about." She shrugged. "It just seemed natural. Besides, I've met Oogway, so I can pretty much infer what your life woulda been like with him."
"Ah." He paused a moment, furrowing his brow. "Yes. Good point." He looked pensive for a moment, and then he said, "He was a potter, I got along with my mother alright, and four brothers- I was the middle child. And I didn't think Oogway was senile so much as just plain insane."
She elbowed him in the side. "Not so pleasant to hafta answer a buncha invasive questions, is it?"
"Nice try," he grunted. "But I am not falling for that. Seeing as this is an even trade, I am going to ask you a few things."
"Never said it was an even trade, but I guess you can try." She leaned back on her hands, stretched her legs out and got comfortable; they were going to be sitting out there for a while if he was going to start asking his stupid questions.
He was apparently full of surprises that night, though. "Did you get along with your mother?"
She snorted at that. "'Course I didn't!" She still couldn't believe that he'd actually asked her something personal instead of trying to figure out her many secrets.
"Okay. What did your father do?"
"He was a farmer. My brothers, too. The way it worked back where I come from, the boys carry on with the father's work, and when they come of age the parents add on to the house for 'em. Then they get married and their wives come to live with the family, and eventually they inherit the house." She rolled her eyes at him; if he had listened to her even half the amount of time she'd spent talking over the past couple of months he would have known that already.
He eyed her, as if trying to discern whether she was telling the truth or not. "...Did you really have seven brothers and sisters?"
"We were an average-sized family," she replied, and that was the truth. Four children had been considered a small family, between six and ten were average, and a few families had had up to fourteen children- and none of them were twins, either. "When I first left home and found out that not everyone had a ton of siblings, it blew my mind."
"Did you get along with any of your siblings?" He even seemed genuinely interested in this kind of stuff, too.
"Nah, I hated their guts, except for my oldest sister's." She stopped there, though; she didn't want to start talking about her oldest sister. Not at the moment, anyway.
Thankfully, he was tactful enough to not press the issue. "Were you the youngest?"
"Naw. One brother and one sister were younger 'an me."
"Huh." He paused for a moment, then said something dumb, as usual. "May I ask you a personal question?"
"Don't you always?" she shot back.
"I suppose that was a yes," Shifu grumbled, then awkwardly cleared his throat. The next thing he said came completely out of nowhere. "Have you ever... Seen anyone die?"
She blinked back at him, caught off-guard by the question; it wasn't exactly part of his usual arsenal, and it had almost nothing to do with the conversation at hand- as far as he knew, anyway. "Yeah," she answered slowly. "Why?"
"Ah. How old were you the first time you saw someone die?"
"Did Tai Lung see someone die?" she asked, concerned. "Is that where this conversation is headed?" She didn't think Tai Lung even interacted with anyone besides them, but she could have been wrong.
"No," he huffed. "I just... I was curious. Never mind, you don't need to answer."
Yet for some reason, she answered him anyway. "I was ten. My little sister and I had scarlet fever, and she died right next to me in bed. She was six."
"I... I am sorry."
She snorted. "Don't be. I'm the one who survived." After she'd said it, she realized that it had sounded pretty harsh- and she could tell from the look on Shifu's face that he thought so, too. "I, uh... Well, what I meant was..." She paused, thinking back on the incident; it honestly wasn't a part of her past that she had ever dwelled on. "We both got sick around the same time. And we were both really sick. So sick, in fact, that my parents even called in the local doctor. He told 'em that one of us was gonna go for sure, and it'd probably be me. I was in worse shape, and I was smaller, weaker, even though I was the older one. We were sharing a bed, y'see, and the doctor said if one of us died the other'd get better, 'cause our germs were feeding off each other or something. He was a quack. Anyway, one night she just... Went. She didn't say anything. It kinda sucked, 'cause when people die they shit and piss all over. But really, I was just relieved. I thought for sure that if she'd died, I'd live. There was no real reason for me to believe that, but somehow I just had a feeling, y'know? And I did survive, obviously. I dunno, maybe somebody up there likes me."
"Do you ever miss her?"
"Nah." She once again sounded way too harsh, so she elaborated. "I didn't know her that well, a she was kinda a brat, anyway. Not that I'm glad she died, I just... Was never sad about it, either. I mean, if one of us had to die, I'm glad it wasn't me."
He stared at her a moment, his eyebrows raised. "Wow. You are a good sister."
"Get bent," she huffed; she didn't see why he had to be so critical all the time. It wasn't like she was required to like her family- they certainly hadn't liked her. "What about you? When was the first time you saw someone die?" She assumed that he'd definitely seen multiple people die (and killed people himself), what with being a kung fu warrior.
He looked offended, but he actually managed to let whatever she'd said to upset him go, and moved on with the conversation. "It was not as momentous or apparently life affirming as your story. I was six, and it was not anybody I knew. An old woman collapsed on the street one day. One minute she was getting some water for her family, the next she was dead."
"I'm guessing that was the start of the whole plague situation." She knew she was being blunt, but she'd never been one to deny the harsh facts of life, even for someone else's sake.
"Yes," he confirmed.
"Hey, what was it like, y'know, when you were all alone?" She doubted she'd get an answer for that, but she figured it was worth asking.
"I don't know," he answered.
"Eh?"
"I do not remember." He didn't seem like he was lying; he had this tendency to look people in the eye when he was talking to them, and she didn't think he was capable of looking someone in the eye and lying to them. He was just that much of a goody two-shoes. "I remember drinking rain water. Other than that... It's just blank."
"That's why you never told anyone about it?" she asked incredulously. "'Cause you don't remember it?"
"Yes."
"Well that explains it." She wasn't sure what she could possibly say after that; she had a feeling that it was somehow meaningful that he had shared such information with her. She didn't think an attempt to comfort him would be appropriate, since he didn't seem overtly upset; besides, the incident had happened years ago. She supposed she could change the subject, but she was afraid that it might seem insensitive.
Then, while she was busy trying to think of something to say, Shifu leaned over and poked her in the side (which elicited a startled squawk) and said, "You think too much."
Lin couldn't help but stare back at him; he was the one who was always telling her how thoughtless she was. Now apparently she thought too much. Although, she had to agree with the sentiment. "Y'know," she finally managed to work out, "I kinda like what we've been doing."
"And what is it that we have been doing?" he asked suspiciously, and even scooted away from her a bit.
"Having actual conversations without devolving into raving maniacs," she clarified. "We've been doing it on a semi-regular basis, too. I'd even venture to say that we have officially become friends."
"No," he instantly denied, "we have not."
"Oh yes we have," she pushed. "I am your friend, whether you like it or not. My heart is true, I'm a pal and a confidant. And y'know what else?"
"I don't want to know what else," he grumbled, clearly annoyed and humiliated by her assertion.
"If you threw a party and invited everyone you knew-"
"That is enough," he interrupted quickly. "I get it. We are apparently friends. And I will have you know that while I acknowledge such, I do so under protest."
She rolled her eyes at him, then flicked his nose for good measure. "You're such a little bitch," she informed him, which earned her a scandalized glare. "But I put up with it, 'cause that's what friends do. Kinda like how you put up with all the things I do just to get a rise outta you."
"It is not as if I have much of a choice," he muttered, and for some reason blushed a little. "After all, you control what I eat."
Then, she had to go and ruin the moment by saying something absolutely moronic. "Well, you could control what you ate, y'know, if you wanted to drop by before breakfast." It was as if she'd suddenly been afflicted by vocal diarrhea; she snapped her mouth shut as soon as the sentence had been formed, and hoped desperately that Shifu just brushed the invitation off.
"O-oh," he stuttered, and avoided her gaze.
Of course she wouldn't be that lucky. She'd made him uncomfortable, and she'd made a fool out of herself. "Well I didn't mean anything by that," she grunted in a last-minute attempt to save herself.
"I know," he replied quickly. "Of course I know that. Why would I not know that?" He awkwardly cleared his throat and continued to look anywhere but at her. "...You would really let me pick out what we eat?"
"As long as it's not gross, I don't see why not." She let herself relax a little bit; obviously he didn't see any kind of romantic intentions in the invitation, or else he wouldn't even be thinking about accepting.
"Alright. I- uhm- I suppose I could."
"Okay, then," she agreed, still stunned at how miraculously she had managed to slide out of that particularly sticky situation. "Seeya in a few hours, I guess."
"Huh?" He finally managed to look at her, a slightly confused expression on his face.
"Well, it's pretty late, and I gotta have breakfast ready at sunrise. Which means I start when the sky starts to look a little green, which is probably in a few hours. And until then, I think I should try to get some sleep in." She knew already that her chances of falling asleep were slim to none, but it was worth a try. "So... Yeah," she ended awkwardly, then stood up. "...You coming, too?" She once again cursed her big mouth; she'd made it sound like she wanted him to come with her.
"No, I don't think I will be able to fall asleep." He apparently had once again seen her comment as completely innocuous. "I should meditate."
"Right." That was definitely her cue to leave. "Well... Seeya."
"Goodnight," he replied. "Or, good morning, depending on how to see it I suppose."
"Yeah," she agreed, and turned to go.
"Well, in any case, goodbye," he called after her.
"Okay, bye."
"But I did not mean that- I mean, not goodbye for good, goodbye for- for now."
She was already at the stairs and yet for some reason, he was still saying good night to her. She remembered him doing something like this before, and she wanted to get the hell out of there before she said anything else completely stupid, so she decided to put an end to it. "Shut up," she snapped, then turned and walked down the stairs as fast as she could without appearing like she was running away. She even covered her ears in case he kept talking, so she wouldn't be tempted to answer.
Finally, when she was halfway back to the barracks already, she felt like she could relax. Well, not relax so much as mentally kick herself. She didn't know what was wrong with her, lately; here she was with a crush on her boss, of all people, and she'd said idiotic things that sounded sort of like an invitation for a date. And she was stupidly adding fuel to the flames by spending time with him and asking him personal questions like that- and being nice.
She knew without a doubt that she was in big trouble. If she wasn't more careful, there was the remote possibility that she could end up in love with him. And, as she had always said, even a remote possibility was still a possibility. Even worse than that, though, was something that had not happened to her in years.
She had no idea what to do.
Shifu sighed and ran one hand down his face in utter frustration; he was in big trouble.
More specifically, he was in love.
He had no idea why, how, or when it had happened, but he'd finally realized for sure that, yes, this was happening to him. He had actually managed to fall in love with the last woman on the face of the planet that he would have ever even wanted to know. And the worst part of it all was that he was fairly certain that this was the real thing. His one chance at true love, and it was with his cook.
He still remembered the first time he'd ever met her. He'd thought she was nothing more than a vagrant off the street- filthy, tired, a little bit smelly, and above all highly suspicious. Sure, she had cleaned up well enough, but she had still been highly suspicious (and a vagrant off the street). And then, without even realizing it, he'd gotten to know her. He'd begun to enjoy her company, respect her opinions, like her. Not to mention his somewhat ridiculous impulse to protect her- as if a woman like Lin needed any protecting. Still, she had needed him before- particularly when she had gone up against those bandits. She would never admit that she'd needed him, of course, but she had.
The strange thing about his feelings was that, while with previous infatuations he had viewed the women he had been interested in with rose-colored glasses, this was not the case with Lin. It was as if every single one of her already glaring faults was emphasized all the more, and annoyed him even more deeply than ever before- and yet he found himself liking those flaws. Of course, he appreciated her good points as well- especially her cooking- but he had never been so painfully aware of a woman's bad points (especially a woman with so many of them) and still enjoyed her company.
And he did like Lin, exactly as she was. Despite his constant criticism toward her, he did not want her to change. Besides, asking Lin not to be crude, mean and full of herself would be like asking Master Oogway not to be wise- it simply made no sense to do so. And her attitude was part of what made her so unique. And the word "unique" barely even began to describe her.
There was just something about her- about the way she could stumble over her own two feet for no apparent reason one moment, yet climb a tree with one arm the next; the way she talked like a common street-dweller yet could turn around and start orating about politics, science, art, and who knew what else; or the way that, no matter how badly her temper raged, she still smiled and blushed when he complimented her cooking. She was a walking contradiction on many levels, but he supposed that he found that exciting. Even if she were the most boring person on the planet, though, she was still smart and strong, and yes, he would have to admit it sooner or later, she was funny. Even when she was in a bad enough mood to kill, she was still funny. Scary, but funny.
A sense of humor had never been high up on his list of desired traits in a woman, of course- anyone who took one look at him would be able to deduce that much. Perhaps that had been a mistake, though. He had always imagined himself with a serious, sincere woman, and that had been the type of women he had pursued. He'd had feelings for women in the past, of course, but there had always been something missing. He had never imagined that something as simple and seemingly trivial as a sense of humor could have been that missing piece, but that appeared to be the case.
At least, that was what he had surmised. Because of all the women he had met in his life, no matter how beautiful, no matter how sincere, no matter how fearsome on the battlefield, measured up to this one woman he had known for only a few short months. He had never felt so strongly for any woman before, and had long since abandoned the notion that he ever would. Yet here he was. In love.
And confused as all hell. How could this have happened? How could he have fallen in love with someone who was the exact opposite of everything he had wanted in a romantic partner? Moreover, how could he have fallen in love with someone who was such a bad influence on his son? With someone who acted like a finicky child in front of a bowl full of peas at the mere thought of even attempting to learn kung fu? With someone who had seen so many nude men that she had actually internalized a numbered scale by which to judge them? With someone like her? Most importantly, how could he have have fallen in love with someone who so clearly did not regard someone like him as her type?
He wondered if she even had a type. He supposed that if she did, it would be the kind of man who hung around the bars she frequented. Or maybe the opposite end of the spectrum- an extremely weak-willed man she could push around and control. She did tend to get testy about getting her way. But then again, she liked to fight far too much to want someone who would just give in to her.
He sort of liked the fighting, too. Not the real fights that inevitably dissolved into shouting matches which then dissolved into him dragging her around and threatening to throw her off the mountain while she screeched and punched him in the kidneys. He liked it when they argued and made fun of each other- he was getting rather good at his comebacks, if he did say so himself. He supposed that if he was going to be in a dysfunctional relationship, he may as well enjoy the dysfunction.
Shifu groaned to himself and rubbed at his forehead; even at age thirty-seven he was going to need advice about women. Surely Master Oogway would be able to stop being amused at him for long enough to give him some quick words of wisdom. And if not... Well, he could figure something out on his own. It wasn't as if he had absolutely no experience whatsoever with women. In fact, he was a catch. After all, he'd gotten "the eye," as Lin had put it, when he'd gone into the village with her. Surely that counted for something.
He let out another groan; she was going to chew him up and spit him out, and he was going to walk right into it. Screw meditating- he was going to need to rest up. If he was lucky, he would just barely be able to survive the onslaught. But probably not.
A/N: Aaaaand we're finally there! Good job, Shifu. Now you just have to, you know, actually get the girl. Good luck with that part.
You also might have noticed that I stuck some lyrics from the Golden Girls theme song in here- I couldn't resist. And, really, it was pretty much a given that they would show up somewhere in the fic. Anyway, next time you'll see the definitely-not-a-date, and Oogway and Shifu finally have "the talk." Seeya then!