A/N: Well, I finally finished this chapter up! And, as promised, I shall share some of my inspiration: music. I always need to have a playlist to help me along with any project, and this fic is no exception. And since I love to share music... Here's a link to the streaming version: playlist [.] com [/] playlist [/] 17269344267
As for my little announcement (and I mean little), that'll come at the end of the fic. And once again, thank you all for being such kind and patient readers.
Disclaimer: Never give Dreamworks water after midnight.
Chapter 26: The Torch of Love is Lit in the Kitchen
Lunch was coming along well, as far as Lin was concerned; and while she hadn't gotten much sleep it was nothing she couldn't handle, Tai Lung had not made a single complaint about the breakfast she'd made, and the weather was nice- but she was still in a terrible mood. And why?
Because of Shifu- why else? He was just such an ass, no matter what. She had actually attempted to be nice to him that morning, and she'd let him pick out breakfast (with her help, of course). The last time she'd let someone else help her in a kitchen had been when she was a kitchen assistant in Shanghai- but that had been pretty much mandatory for the job. Yet somehow Shifu had found a way to turn the conversation into an argument about her sex life (or rather lack thereof), of all things. Even if she wasn't a virgin (admitting that to Shifu had been one of the most horrific things she'd ever done to herself), she didn't see how it could possibly matter.
And yet here she was making lunch for the idiot, because she was waiting for him to come apologize to her so she could forgive him. She actually wanted to forgive him, for crying out loud. She was probably going insane.
She was just about to turn her mind to other subjects and calm down when, predictably enough, she heard a small cough behind her. "Lunch isn't ready yet," she huffed as she turned around to glare at Shifu. "And you're lucky I even made you anything at all."
"Well," he replied awkwardly. "...Thank you. For making me lunch."
"And who says you're actually gonna get your portion?" she shot back; she wanted to hear an honest to goodness "I'm sorry" and she wasn't about to settle for any less.
He took a moment to look suitably sheepish, then actually got to the point- for once. "I apologize. I was... Very... Well, I was..."
"A dick tip," she finished for him.
"...What?"
"You were a dick tip," Lin clarified. "As in the tip of a dick."
"...Okay. I was that. And I am sorry for it." He glanced nervously around the kitchen for a bit, then asked, "Do you forgive me or not?"
"Well it's not like that was the first time you've been a dick tip," she pointed out, just to get on his nerves (he deserved it). Then after some completely pointless deliberation, she pretended to reluctantly come to her verdict. "Yeah, I guess I can forgive you."
He let out a loud sigh, as if he'd actually doubted that she'd forgive him. "Alright," he agreed, and she tried her best not to laugh at him. "I just have one question," he added, which usually meant he was going to say something stupid and offensive.
"Okay," she sighed, because she was willing to put up with his nonsense.
"I know I insulted your virtue, but then I thought you were going to forgive me... So I am not sure exactly what I said that offended you after that."
"...You mean you don't know?" She shouldn't have forgiven him so easily. "You say to me, 'Oh, I'm sure someone in existence'll wanna bone you someday,' to me, and you don't know why that was offensive?"
"...Oops." He seemed to get her drift, finally. "I suppose it did come off as... Derisive. I did not mean to tease you, not for being a virgin, anyway."
"That's not why I was angry," she grumbled, annoyed that he still didn't seem to get it. "What got me angry was the suggestion that I am a virgin because absolutely no man that I have ever met, in the entire span of my life, has ever wanted- even a little bit- to have sex with me. In other words, the suggestion that I am completely and totally unattractive."
"You have suggested to me many times that I am completely and totally unattractive," he pointed out, completely missing her point as usual.
"That's different- they're jokes. I'm just making fun of you. You were trying to make me feel better, and yet you still managed to say something like that- which means you believe it- subconscious thought and stuff like that." She paused to yawn loudly, which was the only thing she could think to do to keep from appearing upset. "Anyway, the point is that you were a dick tip. But I guess I can forgive you."
"Will you stop saying 'dick tip,' already?" he snapped, rolling his eyes at her. "I get it! I am the tip of a dick!"
"And isn't that a horrible thing to be?" she replied, much more complacent now that he was losing his composure; nothing calmed her quite like driving Shifu insane. "You're not even an entire dick. You're only the tip. That's almost as bad as being a sandy vagina."
"You are gross," he needlessly pointed out.
"Hey, speaking of vaginas..." She figured some revenge was in order, now that she was feeling a little better. "...How many women you been with, anyway?"
"Why should I tell you?" he huffed, sounding offended- and hypocritical, as usual.
"'Cause it'll make me feel better," she replied, shrugging. "And trust me, I never expected the idea of hearing someone say 'one' would actually make me feel better, but thereya go."
"I will have you know that I have had relations with more than one woman," he grumbled defensively, a clear indicator that she was embarrassing him.
"Yeah?" She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at him, knowing full well that if she just pushed his buttons a little bit, he'd blurt it out. "How many?"
"More than one, that is for sure!" he snapped.
"So, what, two?"
"...Perhaps."
"You slut." She acted completely scandalized, just to mock him. "Talk about sleeping around. Sounds like you had your hand in the cookie jar more often 'an... Well, more often 'an you get into the actual cookie jar."
"Say what you want," he shot back, "but jealousy is not befitting of a lady."
She let out a bark of laughter at that one. "Me? Jealous? Please, if I wanted to feel vaguely uncomfortable for thirty seconds I'd trip down the stairs again."
"I am not going to have this fight with you," he snapped, clearly agitated by what she'd said. "It is bad enough that I had that... Other fight with you, I am not about to go down the same horrific road again."
"Wow, so you think my vagina's horrific?" She didn't actually think he'd implied that, of course, she just felt like making him feel uncomfortable- he deserved it.
"No! We are not going to discuss your private parts!"
"Apparently you find my parts too horrific to discuss." She watched as he started to blush brightly and suppressed a smile at how flustered he was getting.
"That is most certainly not what I meant, and if you do not mind I would really rather not have yet another conversation that involves your- your- things."
"That's creative," she scoffed. "Y'know, I've seen plenty of peeshes, they ain't that big a deal."
"Augh," he replied, his eye twitching. "My ears will never be the same again."
"Y'know for someone who's apparently such a smooth operator, you're really a prude," she teased. She was really enjoying making him squirm. "Then again, what would someone as horrific as myself know?"
He snorted at the comment and crossed his arms, avoiding her gaze. Then he actually managed to surprise her by saying something relatively nice. "You should know that I, uhm..." He trailed off and cleared his throat, then attempted to speak again. "You are not... That is to say- what I mean is-" He paused again, looking like he would rather die than say the words he had in mind. "You are not unattractive," he finally finished.
"Uhuh," she agreed nonchalantly. "That was a convincing performance there, but I think my life will probably go on if you don't find me sexually attractive."
"Right," he sighed, sounding momentarily defeated, though she couldn't imagine why. "So... Lunch smells good."
"Thanks." To be honest, Lin was relieved by the change of subject. The last thing she wanted to do was discuss whether or not she was attractive with a man she herself was attracted to. "You wanna taste it?"
"You mean I am allowed?" He seemed shocked by the offer and he had every right to be; she never allowed anyone to taste her food before it was served (besides herself, anyway).
"That's what friends are for," she replied as an idea occurred to her- it probably wouldn't work, but it was worth a try. She'd been worrying about getting out of the valley a lot lately, and the one thing that would definitely further her cause was money. "We're... Kinda friends now, aren't we?" She was remiss to put her feelings into words, but she needed to call on Shifu's unfailing sense of duty if she was going to ask for a raise.
"I... Suppose," he answered.
"I'll take that as a yes." She braced herself and said, "Before I letya taste lunch, I need a favor."
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. "What kind of favor?"
"The kind where you give me money...?" She had ended the sentence as a question unintentionally, but decided it was for the best, anyway, since it made her seem more vulnerable.
"Absolutely not," Shifu huffed immediately, crossing his arms.
"Damn," she grumbled, her tone a little whiney; she wasn't down and out just yet, though. "You sure I can't get just a little raise?" After all, she could use the money.
"If you were even a halfway decent employee I would give you a raise," he informed her stiffly. "So the answer is no."
"Aww, c'mon," she pleaded shamelessly, and decided to try Tai Lung's technique and gave him a wide-eyed, watery look. "Please? I could really use the money."
He reacted pretty much how she expected him to, recoiling from her with an extremely disconcerted expression on his face. However, what he said after that caught her off-guard. "Please don't cry," he pleaded, somewhat frantically. "I cannot stand it when people cry."
She tried not to let her temper flare at that, she really did. Unfortunately, self-control had never been her strong suit. "First off, I don't cry. Ever. Second- you can't stand it when other people cry? 'Cause it's just all about you, right? God forbid anyone makes you uncomfortable!"
"Well why do you care if you were not even going to cry?" he shot back defensively.
"'Cause you're a dick tip!"
"And you are an infantile, temperamental, unreasonable-"
"Why'd you even think I was gonna cry, huh?" she interrupted, mainly because she didn't care what he had to say. "Is it 'cause I'm a woman?"
He hesitated just a split second at the accusation, which pretty much said it all.
"You have two and a half seconds to depart from my sight," she said coldly, before he could try to cover for that hesitation, then glared at him until he wisely beat a hasty retreat from her. She crossed her arms and continued to glare at the doorway, still fuming about what he had said. How was it that he could seek her out for forgiveness and then offend her again mere moments later? A small part of her was concerned that there must be something wrong, but the rest of her didn't care- she was out of patience for him, and he was going to have to work a lot harder this time to gain her forgiveness again. After all, one of the things that really got under her skin was even the mildest suggestion that she was a crybaby- probably because it had been true at one point.
Her grandmother had always scolded her for being a whiney, misty-eyed daydreamer. She supposed it had been one of the many reasons her family had picked on her; it was only natural in any social hierarchy to gang up on the weak ones, in the hopes of either eliminating them or at least making use of them for labor or something of the like. And after her grandmother had died, all she'd done was fret and cry all the time; the old woman had been her only defender, and as the matriarch of the family whatever she'd said had been law. Lin had spent most of her time worrying about what was going to happen to her, and not doing much else. Every time something had gone wrong, she had cried for her grandmother.
Eventually, she herself had gotten tired of the crying, and she'd just... Snapped. She'd told herself that as long as she was still alive, there was no reason to cry. She'd vowed to quit whining, to become stronger, someone she could be proud of. That had been eight years ago, and she hadn't cried since.
So, obviously, she found the insinuation that she would whine or cry- and because she was a woman, to boot- extremely offensive. She wasn't about to tell Shifu her entire life's story to explain why she found it so offensive, of course, but she still expected him to grovel at her feet for mercy. And if he thought she was going to cook even a single ounce of food for him until he apologized, he had another thing coming. Maybe she was overreacting a bit, maybe she was being too harsh, and maybe she was letting her feelings for him upset her a little too much, but she didn't really give a damn, because under no circumstances was she ever going to put up with his nonsense.
She let out a bark of laughter at that thought; she was starting to sound like her grandmother.
Shifu glared down at his reflection in the moon pool, cursing himself for his big mouth and his horrible social skills. Somehow he seemed to be doing everything wrong that day. All he'd wanted to do was apologize to Lin, yet somehow it had turned into yet another battle between them. He hadn't meant to suggest that he thought she'd been about to cry because she was a woman, it had just happened. He had hesitated a single moment and somehow that had confirmed her accusation.
He didn't see why she was getting so worked up over it- she had looked as though she might cry, it wasn't as if his assumption had come completely out of nowhere. He had only hesitated because- well, because he was uncomfortable. He had never been the nurturing sort, so whenever someone cried in front of him he usually ended up standing around awkwardly or leaving the room entirely- and he especially did not enjoy seeing women cry. The fact that he'd thought Lin had been about to cry had only made matters worse- he had no trouble at all believing that someone like her never shed a tear. It was nearly unfathomable. He supposed that was unreasonable of him, though; he felt like a small child who had never seen his mother cry, thinking in such a way. Still, regardless of what had happened he supposed he owed her an explanation. He just needed to wait for her to cool off a little bit.
"Master?" Tai Lung's voice echoed off the walls of the hallowed hall as he approached; he'd no doubt come to the hall for another scroll of kung fu to study- either that or one of the apparent romance stories he seemed to read in his spare time. "What are you doing here?"
"I, ahm... Was just thinking," he replied vaguely, hoping to keep his son in the dark about his most recent embarrassing predicament with Lin.
Unfortunately, not only was Tai Lung quite astute, he also happened to be Lin's first and foremost confidant. "Is this about the whole crying thing?"
Shifu reached up and massaged his temples as he felt a headache creep up on him. "My life is a shambles." His own son knew about his botched attempt to apologize to Lin- there was just no sinking any lower than this.
"Your life isn't a shambles," Tai Lung comforted, which only drove the stake of shame deeper into his heart. "I mean, it could be worse. Your hemorrhoids could be acting up again."
"...What?"
"Whenever you're in a bad mood Lin says that it must be your gigantic hemorrhoids acting up," he clarified.
He didn't want to know the answer to the next question he asked, but it was his duty as a father. "And what did she tell you about hemorrhoids?"
"That not everyone gets 'em, but you have 'em from being a miserable, neurotic mess," Tai Lung answered with such innocence and earnestness that Shifu couldn't bring himself to get angry. Besides, the boy was only quoting Lin.
"I will definitely keep that in mind," he replied darkly, though he would probably store such knowledge away for a later fight- seeing as fighting seemed to be an inevitable part of living with someone so borderline insane that her name itself should become an insult.
"Look, you don't hafta avoid Lin or anything," Tai Lung spoke up authoritatively, as if he were an expert on the subject. Although, compared to Shifu, he might as well have been. "All you need to do is sweet talk her and she'll forget all about what you said about girls being huge crybabies."
Shifu decided not to comment on Lin's apparent gross exaggeration of what had happened between them. "Sweet talk her?" He had only ever commented on her cooking, and somehow he doubted that even the most over the top compliment would get him off the hook.
"Yeah. Tell her... What was it, again? Oh, yeah. Tell her she's a strong, confident woman. And beautiful, too! Girls like that. Even though it's just Lin, I guess she counts." For a young child, he certainly seemed to know how to charm a woman. "Ooh, and say you respect her. She'll eat it up."
Shifu stared at him. "Where do you learn these things?"
He just shrugged. "Lin says I'm a natural ladies' man."
He should probably give his son a little talk about how inappropriate his knowledge concerning these types of things was, but he had never been much of a talker. So he simply placed a hand on Tai Lung's shoulder, looked him in the eye, and said, "Do not have sex. Ever."
"What's sex?" He asked, blinking quizzically back at Shifu.
"Precisely. Now go study."
"Okay, but you better be ready to face her by dinner tonight, or else you won't be eating."
Shifu gave him a very stern look at that comment. "Tai Lung," he warned, crossing his arms.
"I'm studying, I'm studying," Tai Lung huffed, and slunk off to pick out a scroll.
Shifu shook his head to himself as he watched the boy look through scrolls, trying to find the right one; he felt as though he had been going a lot softer on Tai Lung since Lin's arrival. A couple of months ago he would have been doing laps around the mountain for some of the things he'd said in their conversation; and while Shifu wasn't exactly sure how appropriate this newfound softness of his was, he was certainly enjoying the short term benefit of actually being able to converse with his son.
And, to be perfectly honest, Tai Lung had a point. He was never going to get a decent meal unless he talked to Lin- and flattery was indeed his best bet. He wondered if all those things- telling her she was a strong, confident woman- would get to her, but they probably would. The real problem would be the feelings of horror and shame that would come along with such compliments; he supposed if he did tell her all those things, though, he would actually mean them, at least on some level. The knowledge that she had made reference to his "gigantic hemorrhoids" to his son did instill a certain feeling of reluctance in him, but if he wanted to have any chance at all with her (however unlikely that was), he would need to apologize.
Through all of his musing, there was just one thought that he could not shake: Master Oogway had been right. He was whipped.
It was dinner time, and Shifu was absolutely dreading having to face Lin. He simply could not wait until this day was all over with, and not for the first time. Still, the sooner he got his apology over with the better, so he took a deep breath and headed into the kitchen- only to be faced with the sight of Lin and Tai Lung eating without him. "Hi," he greeted awkwardly, standing in the door. "Um... Where is my dinner?"
"Oh, your dinner!" Lin slapped her forehead, feigning forgetfulness. "Y'know, being a woman and all, I was just so busy crying that I guess I forgot to make enough food for you. Sorry." She took a huge bite from her bowl and sent an icy glare his way as she chewed.
"Oh, I wasn't hungry anyway," he said tightly, and walked away.
From out in the hallway he could still hear Tai Lung whisper, "I think he's just gonna avoid you 'til you're not mad anymore."
"I hope not," she replied loudly, "because you can't apologize to someone if you're avoiding 'em."
He resisted the urge to groan out loud to himself; he was being ridiculous, and he knew it. He was avoiding Lin like a scolded child, and his own son was giving him advice on women- he couldn't even fathom how he had fallen so far. "Suck it up," he grumbled to himself, then stepped back into the kitchen. "Tai Lung, go to your room."
"But I'm hungry," Tai Lung protested immediately.
"Then take your dinner with you." He folded his hands behind his back and waited sternly for Tai Lung to do as he was told.
After a moment's hesitation, he grabbed his bowl and his chopsticks, raised his eyebrows at Lin in what was most likely some sort of signal, then slowly walked out of the room, no doubt with the intention of coming back to eavesdrop later.
Shifu decided that it was not the time to worry about that, though- besides, even if Tai Lung didn't listen in on the conversation he'd still hear about it from Lin later. "So." He wasn't exactly sure how to start.
"Boohoo," Lin replied flatly, and refused to turn away from her dinner.
"I never said I thought you were going to cry because you are a woman," he pointed out, trying very hard to keep his voice calm. "All I did was hesitate just a little bit, and you put words in my mouth."
"Well if I don't put words in your mouth, I dunno how else they're gonna get there," she shot back. "It's not like you got enough brain cells to get 'em there on your own."
He wasn't about to let her get away with that. "So how long did it take you, exactly?"
"Eh?"
"To become a certified pain in the ass," he clarified. "I have heard the program usually takes around four years, but you are such a prodigy."
"Y'know what?" She tossed her chopsticks on the table and finally turned to face him, glaring. "I ain't in the mood right now. So unless you got something important to say, I suggest you get outta here before I ram my fist up your ass and punch you in the bottom of the stomach."
He supposed he would need to be a little bit nicer. "Hear me out," he managed to say before she had a chance to chase him off.
"You got a minute, and don't think I won't be counting." She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. "And if I don't hear what we both know you should be saying, don't be surprised if I start cooking for two from now on."
"I... I did not mean to imply that crying is something that you would do as a result of being female," he pointed out stiffly. "So... There you have it."
"You don't seem to understand what it is that you need to say to me," she replied calmly. "Lemme spell it out for you. You say, 'I was wrong, I'm sorry.' Then I say, 'apology accepted.' Now you try."
He pursed his lips and tried desperately not to get annoyed. It didn't work. Still, he knew her threat to not cook for him until he apologized was completely serious. "I... I am sorry. I was wrong."
"Apology accepted," she replied, even though she didn't sound like she forgave him, and went back to eating.
"You're sure?" he prodded, despite his instincts telling him to drop the subject.
"Yeah." Her tone was definitely still short, and there had to be a reason.
"You sound like you are still angry." He wondered if perhaps he should follow Tai Lung's advice after all. "I mean it, I am sorry."
"Yeah, I get it." She slammed her bowl down and stood up to start cleaning off the table. "You're sorry."
Maybe Tai Lung really was right, after all. He spent more time with Lin than Shifu did; despite his young age he must have gotten to know something about women, or more specifically about her. "Also, I, uhm..." He wasn't sure how to phrase it. He didn't want to sound like he was coming on to her. "You're, uh..." He also didn't want to say it in a way that would piss her off even more. "I just wanted to say that..." He took a deep breath and braced himself. "That you are a strong, confident and beautiful woman, and I respect you." He winced, waiting for some type of outburst, but none came.
Lin just stared at him, her expression blank.
"Uh..." He hadn't been expecting a complete lack of response, and he wasn't sure what to do next.
"I forgive you," she finally said, in a surprisingly gentle tone of voice.
"Th-thanks," he managed, feeling like he'd just narrowly escaped death. He felt his heart jump into his throat, though, when she approached him.
Lin, to his amazement, simply licked her thumb and smoothed out his eyebrow with it. "I wasn't that mad at you, actually."
"Okay," he breathed, finally able to relax. "...So you really never cry?" he asked, curious about what she'd said to him earlier that day.
"Not for eight years," she replied, but he wasn't concentrating on her words so much as the fact that she was still standing so close to him that he could feel her body heat. Then she ruined anything and everything positive about the moment by grabbing her dirty bowl from the table and shoving it into his hands. "This is for you."
"Thanks," he grumbled sourly, drumming his fingers awkwardly on the ceramic as he waited for her to back away from him.
"One more thing," she added, poking him hard in the chest with her index finger.
He tried not to stutter, but he couldn't help it. "Y-yes?" He doubted she would have anything good to say, but he could still hope.
"When you're done with the dishes, the wash basin could use a good scouring." With that, she pushed past him and walked right out of the kitchen, leaving him to clean up.
He supposed he maybe deserved it, with the way he'd been acting all day. Ever since his talk with Master Oogway and the conclusion that he would eventually need to tell Lin how he felt, he'd been on edge. Every time he saw her he felt a ball of tension beginning to form in his stomach; not to mention he was feeling constantly agitated- well, more so than previously. He was just nervous- mainly nervous about what her reaction would be if she knew. He had been rejected before, but something gave him the feeling that a rejection from Lin would be nothing less than slow, painful, and absolutely soul-crushing. And every time he was around her after that, he was sure that her delight in his pain would make him feel as though his face were being rubbed in a pile of gravel.
Well, there was really only one logical conclusion: he would need to avoid Lin at all costs. Besides meal times, he would simply not look at her, not speak to her, not so much as think about her. It would be just like having a regular cook around. And no matter how she insisted that they had formed some bond of friendship, he doubted that she would object to having some time to herself, especially after the way he'd behaved.
At least there would be one advantage to avoiding her: he wouldn't be guilted, connived, or otherwise tricked into doing the dishes. Not for a little while, anyway.
A/N: First off, the announcement I keep promising: in light of the encroaching New Year, what with new beginnings and all, I am going to revise the first couple of chapters. Nothing too fancy, just making them more... Better. And there won't be any new information that's pertinent to the plot, so feel free to ignore the revisions. I aim to post the first of them next week, on January 4th, which will be the anniversary of the fic (because I'm a huge dork). For those of you wondering why chapters were so short to begin with... I had a self-imposed word count limit to make sure things didn't get out of hand and that updates continued regularly. I started raising the limit, and eventually just did away with it completely. And I think it is safe to say that things have definitely gotten out of hand. :)
You should also know that I don't want this fic lasting too long (i.e. another million months), so I'll be updating in one week's time whenever I can. I can't say exactly when that will be, and I know it won't happen every week (in which case the update will be within two weeks), but whenever I have some extra time in my schedule I'll concentrate on getting a chapter out early.
As for next chapter: More fighting, of course. And maybe something a little bit different, but you'll have to read to find out what that is.