A/N: I hope you've all been dying to find out what happens next, because I've been dying to post it. As always, thanks to all your readers and reviewers out there! Now, let's cut the chit chat and get on to the juicy stuff.
Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda is the property of Dreamworks.
Chapter 28: Kiss the Cook
Shifu admitted that, in hindsight, it would have perhaps been best to give some kind of warning before going in for a kiss on a much younger employee. And, as he sat in his room, nursing his wounded crotch, he would be the first to admit that perhaps he could be just a bit too forceful in matters of the heart. And, perhaps, he was no longer quite as charming as he used to be. Oh, who was he kidding? He'd never been charming in his life.
Still, that was absolutely no reason for Lin to knee him right in the baby-makers. While he hadn't expected a positive response from her in regards to the kiss, he also hadn't expected to need a cool compress for his nether regions afterwards. A punch in the gut, maybe; a slap in the face, definitely; but not this.
He winced as he once more relived the horrific events that had reduced him to such a pathetic state. He'd known the moment he'd kissed Lin that it was a bad idea, and not just because it had been a bad idea to begin with, either. He'd been able to tell from the way she'd stiffened in his arms and let out a surprised grunt that he would soon regret being so forward- and that was when he had felt the pain radiate from his crotch throughout his entire body. As he'd tried desperately to catch his breath, he watched her lower her knee, step away from him, and press her hand to her lips (presumably in shock).
Then she had said, "Whoops."
He'd wanted to shout, "Whoops! Is that all you can say, whoops!" but he'd still had the wind knocked out of him, so all he could do was glare.
She'd seemed to get the idea, though, and actually looked guilty. However, any small amount of forgiveness that guilt might have earned her was then erased by the double-edged apology she'd stuttered out. "I- uh- shit! Sorry! I didn't mean- but what'd you think was gonna happen, you moron?"
He'd managed to finally suck in a deep breath at that point, and wheezed out, "I despise you." He would have very much liked for her to simply leave at that point, but that was just not the way his life worked.
Instead she'd insisted on grabbing his arm and helping him back to the barracks, all the while alternating between, "No, really, I'm sorry!" and, "What the hell is wrong with you?" By the time she had dragged him to the kitchen for a cool compress, she'd been leaning toward the latter sentiment- and so his medical care consisted mainly of her saying, "Here," and tossing a wet cloth at him.
And worst of all, he'd let her get away with it, because he had been far too humiliated to even argue with her. All he'd wanted to do was get away from her so he could nurse his wounds, both physical and egotistical, in private. Nothing really rounded out a truly horrible day like sitting alone in his room with a cold, wet crotch.
But apparently the cosmos was not done with him yet; without so much as a knock Lin slid open his door, a tray of tea in her hands. Well, she didn't so much as slide it open as attempt to, only to get it stuck on its track, then kick it while swearing under her breath until the opening was large enough for her to sidle through.
"Get away from me," he warned; he was battered and bruised enough without having to endure even more psychological trauma from that certifiable psychopath.
"Shut up," she replied and set the tray down in front of him, then returned to the door and yanked it closed with far more force than was necessary.
"I will have you know that if this comes to blows I will not hold back," he informed her stiffly, trying staunchly to ignore the heavenly scent of what was most certainly chamomile wafting from the teapot.
"How're your nads?" she asked, ever her tactful, well-spoken self.
"Just wonderful," he grumbled. "I had been meaning to redecorate down there."
She blushed a bit, and he hoped it was out of shame. "Look, I didn't mean to... Y'know. And I didn't mean to be so harsh, either, it's just that I'm kinda embarrassed, is all."
"Certainly," he agreed with false amicability, "I would not want you to be embarrassed by all this."
She glared at him a moment, then finally took a step away from the door. "You mind if I siddown?" she asked, to his utter horror.
"Actually, if you could leave me to grieve the loss of my dignity in peace, that would be wonderful." He then swallowed his pride and poured himself some tea, because if there was ever a time for a soothing cup of herbal tea, this was it.
"No," Lin answered, predictably enough, and sat down right next to him.
He resisted the urge to instinctively cover his vitals. "Thank you for respecting my wishes." The tea was good, at least; he could take solace in that one small pinpoint of light in his otherwise dark situation.
"Your nads are really okay, though, right?" she suddenly burst out. "I mean, if there's any undue pain or swelling, they coulda twisted, which cuts off the circulation, and then if you don't twist 'em back they'll die."
He wished that he could die, right at that very moment. "I am fairly sure that my genitals are not dying, thank you," he managed to work out around a mouthful of utter shame.
"Okay, but if they start turning purple or something-"
"You will be the first to know, I assure you."
"Okay," she agreed, then lunged forward for the teapot as if it contained her life's blood. "Look, I uhm... I wanted to, y'know, talk." She poured herself a cup and drank half of it in one swig, clearly uncomfortable.
"What is there to talk about?" Shifu was not about to take pity on her after what she had done to him, though. "You kneed me between the legs. I think it would be safe to assume that that was a 'no.'"
"Sorry," she sighed, and took another sip from her tea. "But what'd you expect me to do, let out a girlish sigh and ask you to take me right there on the floor?"
He took a moment to wistfully imagine such a scene. "That would have been nice."
Predictably enough, she smacked him in the back of the head for his response. "You're an ass!"
"That is fine with me, as long as you do not hit below the belt again," he muttered, rubbing at the spot she'd hit. He had a feeling that he was in for an extremely uncomfortable conversation, so he might as well not pull any punches.
"Look, I just... It was a gut reaction. I am sorry, really." She looked everywhere but at him as she spoke, then settled on a spot in the room that happened to be in the exact opposite direction as him. "I'm not so good at this stuff," she admitted quietly.
"Really?" Shifu shot back sarcastically. "I never would have noticed."
After a moment's hesitation, she suddenly blurted out, "No one's ever kissed me before."
He blinked at the back of her head, completely caught off-guard. "Wh-what?" He leaned over to try to get a better look at her face, and realized that she was blushing more deeply than he'd ever seen. "You mean... That was-"
"The first one, yeah," she confirmed, crossing her arms as she continued to stubbornly avoid looking even in his general direction.
"Oh." He wasn't sure what to say on the subject; he would have never expected Lin to have so little experience in anything, but he supposed that it was not entirely outlandish. After all, she wasn't exactly the most congenial person in the world. "I, uhm... Did not know that."
"Yeah," she said again, her voice strained, then finally turned around and looked at him, the blush still quite prominent in her cheeks. "So are we good?"
"I- er- yes, okay," he stuttered out, trying not to concentrate on how becoming her flushed cheeks were; he had no clue what was wrong with him, that he was even still having such thoughts about her after what had happened.
"There's something else I should tell you," she mumbled, and for the first time in months she actually seemed shy, and there was a certain tone to her voice- it was almost soft.
"Yes?" he asked immediately, his heart palpitating in his chest at the thought that perhaps she might actually show a tiny iota of affection.
"I, uhm... Well, I mean, about the kiss- I just..." She trailed off, then cleared her throat uncomfortably. "Ah, hell," she grunted and punched him in the arm.
It wasn't exactly what he'd been hoping for, but... "I'll take it," he concluded. They lapsed into an awkward silence after that, as they had been doing quite a lot lately.
Surprisingly enough, Lin was the first to speak again. "Hey." Her blush brightened a bit. "You're not gonna kiss me again, are you?"
"No," he answered quickly, just to reassure her; the last thing he wanted to do when things between them seemed to be going relatively well was scare her off.
"Oh." She actually sounded disappointed, if he wasn't mistaken.
He debated a moment on whether he should say anything or not, then decided that if worse came to worse, he wasn't exactly using his genitals for anything, anyway. "If you would like me to kiss you again, all you need to do is ask." He flinched, waiting for a punch or a kick to come, but was mildly shocked to find that she didn't so much as flick his nose.
"Don't get too excited, old man," she huffed. "You wouldn't wanna hurt your lumbago."
He figured that was about as close to a "yes" as he was going to get and leaned in very cautiously to give her a light peck on the lips. When it looked like he wasn't about to be flayed alive, he went in for another, longer kiss. He had to admit that when she wasn't busy kneeing him right between the legs, it was fairly apparent that Lin had absolutely no experience. Still, he doubted that he was much better, and it was heavenly all the same. He even tried to be somewhat romantic when he pulled back, and looked deep into her eyes.
And then she said, "Your head looks freakin' huge from this close up."
"You are such a ruiner," he snapped, turning away from her; he should have known, though, that she was going to destroy any moment between them that could have been at least halfway decent.
"That's a new one," she replied, sounding amused. "But, y'know, that's what you get for trying to gaze soulfully into my eyes, you big fat man-wife."
"I will have you know that I find that term extremely offensive." Despite his annoyance, he still could not believe that she had actually kissed him back. He felt like he must be dreaming, or hallucinating- there was no way that this could all be real.
"Whatsamatter now?" Lin seemed to have picked up on his disbelief.
"I simply am having a difficult time accepting reality," he replied truthfully. "I am still waiting for you to tear me limb from limb."
"Yeah, it's... Unbelievable, alright." She suddenly sounded uncomfortable after his confession.
Shifu cursed to himself; he had said something wrong, but he had no idea what- and he doubted he would be getting any clue from Lin. "So..." He needed to do some damage control if he was going to avoid another fight. Backpedaling was out of the question, since he wasn't sure what he would be correcting, so instead he decided to distract her by moving forward with the conversation. "What happens next?" It seemed a fitting enough question to ask; their entire relationship was basically in her hands.
She stared at him as if he had grown another head for a moment, then jumped to her feet. "Be right back, I gotta piss."
"Huh?" He would have said something slightly more intelligent, but she had fled the room so fast that he was speaking to thin air, anyway. "Well, that could have gone better," he grumbled to himself. Then again, it could have gone worse.
He didn't know what he'd done wrong, though. Perhaps he'd put too much pressure on her? Or maybe she had no feelings for him whatsoever, and had simply kissed him out of pure curiosity. After all, she couldn't seem to go five minutes without insulting him, so it was rather difficult to believe that she would actually feel anything even remotely romantic toward him. Then again, he could never really tell with Lin. For all he knew she actually needed to use the bathroom, and that was all there was to it. He supposed he would just have to wait.
Assuming that she even came back at all.
Lin shut the door to her room, knowing full well what she was doing: she was hiding. After Shifu had kissed her (again) she had actually managed to come to her senses long enough to run for it. She didn't even know what she'd thought could happen, what she was even doing. She wasn't just setting herself up to be hurt, but Shifu as well, and everything about it was wrong. But she couldn't help herself. Because she was finally able to admit it to herself, finally able to acknowledge what had been gnawing away at her since that first seemingly innocent thought about his cute ass.
She loved him.
She loved him more than she'd ever thought herself capable of, more than she had ever believed was possible, more than she wanted to believe was possible. She loved him so much that she dreamed about him, so much that she worried about him, so much that she even pictured them growing old together. She loved him so much that, for a brief moment, she'd actually seriously considered staying in the Valley of Peace. Staying with him.
She felt the urge to scream overtake her, but she knew that she couldn't let it out and instead grunted in her frustration. She didn't even believe in love, not romantic love, anyway. How could she be experiencing something she didn't believe in, something she hadn't believed in since she was a little girl? She hadn't believed in love since she was seven years old, since she had watched as her sister, still a child herself, had been dragged off screaming and crying to marry a man four times her age.
And yet she had fallen in love with a man she'd only known for a scant few months. She was kidding herself when she'd kissed him back, she'd been kidding herself from the moment he'd first kissed her. There was no way she'd be able to stay in the valley, in China even. And if she could, she wasn't entirely sure if she'd even want to. She couldn't throw away her entire life's ambition, all her dreams and goals, because one man had kissed her. There was just no way.
Besides all that, he didn't love her. As painful as it was to admit to herself, she knew that there was no way it could possibly be true. He had kissed her because she was there, because he was lonely, and because they were friends. But not because there was anything more between them than that. She knew, because of who she was, and what her life had always been like. She knew because she wasn't the kind of person others could find room in their hearts for. And she knew because it was fate. Because it simply was, had always been, would always be. She was meant to be alone. It was the one thing she had been sure of in her life.
Yet it was no longer what she wanted. And all because of one horrible, inexperienced, clumsy kiss. If there was ever a time in the past eight years when she'd wanted to break her vow and cry, this was it. She wouldn't though; she wasn't even sure if she could, anymore. But even if she were capable of shedding tears, there was no point. What was the point in crying at life? That had been the thought that had crossed her mind when she'd first decided to stop being a crybaby, and it still held true. She already knew that sometimes in life difficult choices had to be made, that she couldn't have it both ways; and she had made her decision, long before she'd ever even met Shifu.
Sure, there had been a time in her life when she could have been ecstatic over such circumstances. She had once dreamed of falling in love, like most young girls tended to do. She'd read fairy tales and imagined that some day when she was "grown up" she would live "happily ever after," with a husband and a horde of children and all of those other horribly cliched things. And as she'd aged she had realized first that there was no such thing as grown up- because that would imply that there was no more growing to do, no more learning, and that everything was figured out and settled- and soon after had realized that neither was there such a thing as happily ever after. And if happily ever after was a husband and children and a life lived simply to please others, that wasn't what she wanted. There were more important things out there for her to dedicate her life to, things that could change the world, things that actually mattered in the long run.
That was why she needed to leave- because if she stayed she would become a housewife. It was beginning to happen already; she cooked, she cleaned, she nagged Shifu and took care of Tai Lung, she'd even attempted to sew once, when Tai Lung ripped the knee of his pants. She had always hated sewing, and she'd never been any good at it, either. But she'd still tried.
Most importantly, if she stayed she'd be throwing away the life she had worked so hard for. She'd be throwing away a life that she had fought tooth and nail for, one that she had torn herself down and built herself anew for, and she wasn't about to give it all up to spend the rest of her days cooking for some fat doofus who didn't even love her back!
She took a deep breath when she realized that she was whipping herself into a frenzy. There was nothing to get worked up about. She had fallen in love, yes, but that was no big deal. Even love faded, with time. Once she left the Valley of Peace, everything would be back to normal and her feelings would drift away into distant nostalgia, just like they always had. She would be fine.
The only problem was that she still needed to tell Shifu that. She'd run out so suddenly that he was probably confused as all hell and had no idea what was going on. Not that he ever did to begin with, but still. She needed to go back and tell him straight to his face that nothing was ever going to happen between them, that the kiss was just... A fluke. Besides, she was being a coward by just running off, and she owed him better than that.
She stood up and headed back down the hall, wondering how exactly she would let him down; it would have to be gentle, of course. As crass as she was, even she knew when to exercise some tact. Still, even as she kicked his door open (the stupid thing kept sticking) she had no idea what to say.
"Ah, you're back," he greeted, and he was still sitting there on his bedroll with that wet cloth in his lap, the idiot.
"Yep," she agreed, and sat down next to him. "So..."
He seemed distinctly uncomfortable; he had probably sat there stewing the entire time she'd been gone, over-analysing absolutely every moment of their interaction as he tried to figure out why she had run out of the room. "Would you like to start, erm... Where we left off?"
"Yeah, about that," she started, figuring her best option was to just get it over with. However, she still had no clue of what to tell him. She tried to say something kind and reasonable, but when she opened her mouth she somehow managed to blurt out, "You're too old for me."
Shifu stared at her, apparently taken aback by the outburst. "I'm too old for you?" he repeated incredulously. Then, finally, he snapped. "What do you mean 'too old?' I am thirty-seven, not one-hundred and seven!"
"Oh, calm down," she huffed, though she did sort of feel bad.
"I thought you were joking all those times you called me a geezer! Is that what you actually think of me?" He was overreacting, but she could understand why he'd be so on edge after she beaned him in... Well, in the beans.
"I'm sorry," she amended, "that came out wrong. I don't see you as an old geezer, really."
He continued to glare at her a moment before his expression softened. "Well... How old are you?" He sounded pretty nervous, and for a moment she considered simply telling him to put his mind at ease, but she wasn't in the best of moods and she needed some cheering up.
"Huh... Well, I'm not that young." She paused, just to keep him in suspense, and also to try to judge what was both believable and heart attack inducing. Finally, she settled on a number. "Sixteen."
"Oh gods no!" he exclaimed immediately and flung his hand up to clutch at his chest, his right eye twitching. All in all his reaction wasn't anything she hadn't expected.
She decided to throw him a bone and end the charade before he collapsed. "Just kidding."
He blinked a few times and slowly lowered his hand back down to his side. "You... Were just kidding?" He sounded unusually calm about the little joke.
"Yeah."
"Are you insane!" he suddenly burst out, his eye twitching again. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"
"And you actually believed that I'm sixteen," she replied smugly, and couldn't help but primp herself a little. "Thank you."
"How old are you?" he snapped. "And do not think you can trick me again."
"Okay, okay," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Though I don't see how it matters."
He simply raised an eyebrow at her.
She snorted a bit in amusement at him, then finally answered. "Twenty-two."
"Ha!" he shouted, pointing accusingly at her.
"Um, what?"
"I am not falling for that! I can tell when you're lying! Alright, now tell me the truth."
She leveled a flat glare at him. "Twenty-two."
He stared back at her a moment before he seemed to realize that she was telling the truth and a sheepish blush began to form on his cheeks. "...Oh. Wow. You look very, uhm, young and vibrant... For your age. You know. Very, uhm, vivacious."
She just glared at him and slowly crossed her arms. "Smooth."
"Have I ever told you how much I also admire your intelligent, earthy wisdom, and rapier wit?" he added quickly.
She hesitated a moment, ruminating on the obvious flattery he was trying to use on her. She supposed it would do. "Better." She'd hoped that her joke would lighten the mood, but no such luck.
They lapsed into awkward silence, as they often tended to do, before Shifu cleared his throat. "You are... Somewhat younger than I had expected," he admitted sheepishly.
"Well there's fifteen years between us, that ain't so bad," she comforted, and considered for a moment how strange it was that if she had gotten married her husband would have been Shifu's age. "Although it does sound kinda pervy when you thinka the fact that Tai Lung and I are also fifteen years apart."
"Thank you for making me feel like a perverted old man," he grumbled sarcastically, glancing grudgingly down at his bruised crotch.
"Oh, here," she huffed, rolling her eyes at the look of absolute shock on his face when she reached into his lap and took the wet compress. "You're not supposed to leave that on for more 'an twenty minutes," she clarified, folding the cloth up and dropping it on the tea tray. "Anyway, you're not actually too old for me, that just... Came out."
"Then what is the problem?" he asked, quickly recovering from his shock at her hand in his lap.
"The problem is... It's..." She trailed off, not sure of what to say. She should tell him the truth, that she was leaving and it just wasn't worth the trouble and the heartache, but she didn't want to. And she still couldn't get over the fact that part of her, a very large part, didn't want to leave at all. "I don't wanna waste my time." But she couldn't gamble her entire future on a kiss.
"What is that supposed to mean?" He sounded offended, but that was nothing new for him.
"It means that... That..." She would tell him the truth, just not the whole truth. "I know why you kissed me."
He looked confused, also a regular thing for him. "...And?"
"And I understand. You're lonely, you're frustrated, we spend a lotta time together and I just happen to have a vagina. Those things don't result in an actual relationship, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, I liked kissing you, but it doesn't equal happily ever after. And even if we did end up trying for anything... More substantial... It wouldn't work out." She tried to sound glib through her whole speech, but she couldn't keep the disappointment from entering her voice at the final words. "So what's the point?"
He actually took her by surprise by getting angry at her. "That is what you think? You think I just kissed you because- because you were there? That I am just desperate?"
"Well why else wouldya do it?" she shot back. She expected that one to shut him up, but he was still outraged.
"Because," he snapped, "I- I- You-" Then he finally clammed up, as she'd predicted.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," she replied as flippantly as she could, then got up and grabbed the tea tray. "Get some rest and lemme know if you need anything else." She left while he continued to flounder, because she didn't want to hear the inevitably offensive excuse he was probably trying to think up.
It was all for the best, anyway. If she actually did attempt to have any sort of romantic relationship with him, on top of the whole thing being a huge disaster it would only result in her getting even more attached. And that would just make it all the more difficult for her to leave.
Still, she couldn't help but feel depressed. She actually wanted to be with Shifu. She didn't want to want to be with him, but those were the breaks. And she had enjoyed kissing him a lot more than she would ever admit aloud, which she knew was going to make her life miserable, because from now on whenever she looked at him she would end up thinking about kissing him.
Maybe she was making a mistake by completely blowing him off. Maybe he really did care about her, maybe, even if it was only for a couple of weeks, she had a chance at something... Well, something good. That was just wishful thinking, though, and she had enough sense to realize as much. She would just have to forge through the rest of her time at the Jade Palace by maintaining a civil, platonic relationship with Shifu. And, hopefully, she would be able to do so without hanging herself.
But not likely.
Shifu needed to talk to someone. He was not the kind of person who enjoyed talking about his feelings or his personal life, but every now and then the need for a conversation was roused in him, and on those rare occasions he always did the same thing. First, he sat and ruminated on whatever was bothering him in the hopes that he could resolve his issues on his own; then, he cursed- a lot; after that was done with, he searched the grounds for the one person he'd always been able to talk to, no matter what: Master Oogway.
He found his master in the Hall of Heroes; specifically, Oogway was in deep meditation, balancing atop his staff in front of the moon pool while the bank of candles surrounding the water bathed it in a soft, ethereal glow. This was usually the kind of deep meditation in which he received visions (none of which were ever good).
Shifu would have turned and left in favor of returning at a more opportune moment, but the old master sensed his presence (as always) and slowly climbed down from his perch atop the peach wood.
"Something is troubling you, old friend?" he asked, and began to blow out the surrounding candles one by one.
"Yes, Master." Shifu approached the moon pool and bowed, watching as Oogway carefully lowered his somewhat shaky head within inches of each candle before extinguishing the flame. "...Would you like some help?"
"No, no," he refused, laughter in his voice. "I can manage. Now, tell me about this trouble of yours. What has Lin done now to upset you?"
Shifu blushed in embarrassment at how utterly predictable his personal problems had become as of late, but reminded himself that even if he wasn't so predictable his master would most likely find some way to embarrass him, no matter how old he got. "She didn't do anything," he sighed. "Well, actually, that's not necessarily true. She kneed me in the crotch. But that is not what is bothering me."
"Really?" Oogway actually stopped blowing out candles and turned to stare at him, and for once in his long life he actually looked surprised. "If I were you, that would certainly bother me."
"It did at the time, but... Well, I kissed her," Shifu grumbled, the poor results still on his mind. "And then she attempted to castrate me."
"Good!" he exclaimed, though Shifu didn't see what was so good about a knee to the groin. "It is about time you got off your duff and did something."
"I'm not done yet," he huffed, irritated; he could already see the direction their conversation was going to head in. "Anyway, she apologized. And then I kissed her again."
"Excellent!"
"Not excellent," he corrected. "...Okay, it was excellent, but that's not the point. I said or did something wrong, because one minute she was kissing me back and the next she was saying I wasn't worth her time and that I was only interested in her because she was there. She even said I was desperate! Me!" He paused and tried to ignore his master's flat stare. "Alright, so maybe I am a little desperate. That does not mean I don't love her!" He realized as the words left his mouth that this was the first time he had actually said aloud, in no uncertain terms, that he loved Lin.
Master Oogway simply went back to blowing out candles, adopting a pensive expression. "I have one question for you," he finally said. "Did you tell that to Lin?"
"...What?"
"It is a simple question, Shifu. Did you tell her that you love her?"
"But I kissed her!" he pointed out, exasperated with the response. "Actions speak louder than words!"
"That is true, sometimes," Oogway agreed. "Some things are better left unsaid. And some things... Not so much." He once again paused in extinguishing the candles and his expression became distant, as if he were remembering some lost romance of his youth. "A kiss can mean a lot of different things, it can be quite ambiguous. Your feelings for her, they cannot remain ambiguous. Not if you ever want to get another kiss out of her, anyway." He shook his head and chuckled to himself, apparently done with his advice.
Shifu needed more than that, though. "But Master, how-"
"Do what I have been telling you to do from the start, and tell her," he interrupted, then went back to his task with the candles.
"But-"
"Tell her."
"I-"
"Tell her."
He glared at his master when he realized that the old turtle wasn't going to listen to anything more that he had to say. It was maddening, really- how was he supposed to just come out and tell Lin that he loved her, when she wasn't even willing to give him a chance? When she didn't even believe that he liked her? He couldn't just walk up to her and say it. He would only end up making a fool of himself and alienating her.
He watched Oogway blow out candles for a moment longer, then concentrated on gathering his chi and sent out a burst of air that extinguished the hundreds of little flames in mere moments. He knew it was a childish thing to do, but he didn't care. "So there," he snapped, then stormed out of the hall.
Lin grumbled sourly to herself as she climbed the peach tree of apparent heavenly wisdom and started picking the large, ripe fruit with much more force than necessary. She was having one of those moments when she hated everything. She hated the damn peach tree, she hated the stupid mountain the tree was growing on, and she hated the asinine valley that was home to the stupid mountain the tree was growing on. Most importantly, though, she absolutely despised Shifu. As far as she was concerned, everything that had ever gone wrong in the history of the entire universe was his fault.
The more she had thought about what had happened between them, the more angry she'd gotten, until she'd whipped herself up into her current frenzy. If he hadn't kissed her to begin with, she would have been able to actually enjoy her night, instead of laying awake in bed thinking about all the different ways she could strangle him. And she would be able to enjoy her morning, as well, instead of quietly despising the world as she picked her daily ration of peaches.
The one thing that kept crossing her mind, over and over again, was: how dare he kiss her? He knew that she didn't even like to be touched, but he went ahead and did it, anyway. And then he'd gone and made her feel guilty, whining about his bruised balls, and he had tricked her- that was it, she'd been coerced- into letting him kiss her again. And she'd been so upset, thinking about how she wanted to stay in the valley and how she wanted Shifu to love her and wah wah wah. She could be such a whiney idiot, sometimes. But the important thing was that she had snapped out of it. Life was all about learning, and she had learned that other people were nothing more than one gigantic pain in the ass, especially men.
And how could she have thought she was in love? It was so laughable that she felt like smacking herself upside the head for thinking that for even a moment. There was no such thing as love! There were hormones and pheromones and synapses in her brain firing improperly, she was sure. And that was it! And anyone who thought otherwise was an idiot fallen prey to the propaganda of a patriarchal society seeking to create myths about love and romance in order to enslave women and distract the working class from real problems.
So there.
She would have continued her inner rant if it weren't for Oogway's arrival to practice his morning tai chi underneath the peach tree. "G'morning," she managed to grumble out without sounding too angry.
"So word is that you blew it with Shifu," Oogway said in lieu of a greeting.
Lin couldn't keep her mouth from falling open a little at the statement. "Where'd you hear that?" She had a feeling that she already knew, though.
"Where else? From Shifu."
"He said that?" She was going to kill the idiot with her bare hands, and she would feel absolutely no remorse.
"No," Oogway reassured her, apparently sensing her rage. "He is under the impression that he is the one who blew it. But I know better."
"Well you're wrong," she snapped. "'Cause saying I blew it implies I wanted it in the first place, whatever 'it' is."
"Of course," he agreed calmly. "I had nearly forgotten that you do not believe in love, even when you are neck deep in it."
"That's 'cause I have common sense!" she pointed out, determined to defend her position. "How can I be in love with Shifu, when I only met him about three months ago? It's just infatuation. I mean, I never even loved my parents, let alone some big-headed ass. It's impossible!"
The old turtle just let out a benign chuckle in the face of her distress. "Nothing is impossible," he pointed out.
"Y'know, I'm starting to dislike you," she replied darkly. She didn't see why Oogway was even arguing with her to begin with- she was going to leave the valley soon, anyway. "I'm leaving," she reminded him. "You know I'm leaving, so why are you pushing this issue? Do you want to make me miserable?"
"Quite the opposite," he sighed, as if she were the one being difficult. "I simply would not want you to have any regrets." He turned and looked out over the valley, a smile slowly crossing his face. "I love this valley and its inhabitants, as I have from the moment I first settled here. And even though there are times when I must leave, that does not matter, because the people of the valley know that I care for them."
"That mushy crap ain't gonna work on me," she informed him, then took a bite out of one of the peaches she'd collected. "'Cause I know better." She had made up her mind, and she wasn't going to let anything or anyone- not even Oogway- instill any doubt in her.
He just stared back up at her for a moment, a somewhat sad expression on his face. "You are afraid," he finally said, as if it were obvious.
"Me? Afraid?" she scoffed; she had no idea what he was talking about. "Afraid of what, exactly?"
"Of getting hurt," he replied gently. "And of hurting the ones you love. And that will happen no matter what, I assure you. But if you run away in an attempt to avoid it, you will only end up missing out on the things in life that are truly fulfilling."
"I am fulfilled!" She paused after that outburst, a little shocked at herself; she'd never raised her voice to Oogway before, and he hadn't really done anything to warrant it. She shook it off, though. "Look, I got my own life to live. And whatever angle Shifu's trying to pull, I don't got time for it." With that, she climbed out of the peach tree, intent on walking away from the conversation.
"And what makes you so sure that Shifu has an angle?" he called after her.
She wasn't going to let him win, though. "'Cause everybody has an angle!"
"Then what is mine?"
That particular jab, though, was enough to stop Lin right at the top of the stairs. She turned around and raised her eyebrows at him, surprised that he would say such a thing, just to make a point.
"And what is yours, for that matter?" That was a good question, too.
"I dunno what yours is," she answered truthfully. "Maybe you're the exception to the rule. But I doubt it." She figured even someone like Oogway probably still had something to gain, even if he himself didn't realize it. That was just... Human nature. "As for me, mine is simple: to get some cash, and to get the hell outta here."
"So since your feelings for Shifu do not factor into that, you are simply going to ignore them?" he asked; he didn't sound accusing, just curious.
She wasn't in the mood to keep on playing his games or hearing his wisdom, though. "Yeah, I am," she answered shortly, then turned and left before he could suck her back into the conversation.
She had planned to make some rice porridge with peaches for breakfast, but upon reaching the kitchen she found that her chair at the table was simply too inviting to ignore. She was worn out, which she supposed wasn't too surprising; she'd had a lot to think about since Shifu had kissed her, and she had been alternating back and forth between angry and depressed all night; in fact, she was was starting to sink from anger back down into depression again. She figured that, given the circumstances, it would be alright to just sit down and rest for a moment. And if she closed her eyes, who could really blame her? She was just resting them...
Lin jumped at a hand on her shoulder, her eyes flying open as fear and adrenaline flooded her system. And then she looked up. "Oh, it's you."
Shifu didn't look particularly pleased to see her, either. To his credit, though, he mostly just looked nervous. "You were asleep," he pointed out.
"Yeah, I noticed." The last person she wanted to see on the planet was him, and the last thing she wanted to do was talk to him. "You can go now."
"I had hoped we could talk," he replied, ignoring her rude tone and sitting down next to her.
She didn't say anything back; everything she had wanted to say to him had been out of rage, and she realized that her anger at him was mostly misdirected. And before her temper had flared she'd worn herself out thinking of what to say to him when she next saw him, but nothing seemed right. She didn't want to talk, since she knew that the discussion could only end badly. She didn't want to hear him apologize for kissing her, that he hadn't really meant it after all, because even though she knew it was the truth a childish part of her she simply couldn't suppress still hoped that he had come to tell her he loved her, and she hated herself for it. So she just kept her mouth shut.
After the silence had stretched on to an extremely uncomfortable length, he finally spoke. "You look miserable," he commented.
That was something she at least knew how to answer. "That's 'cause I am miserable." She simply wanted to pretend that nothing had ever happened and everything was back to normal, but she knew that he wasn't going to let that happen.
"Why?" he prodded, predictably. "I thought... Well, you... You seem to have feelings for me. Don't you?"
She once again remained silent, though she wanted to smack him upside the head for that one; he had a lot of nerve, asking her that.
"...You don't?" He didn't sound affronted, as she would have expected- just confused. "But you kissed me back. You said you liked kissing me, so what did that mean if you don't have feelings for me?"
She wasn't ready to answer any of his questions, or to even hear them. She just wanted to forget about breakfast altogether and go curl up in her nice warm bed. If she couldn't have him, then she at least wanted to have a pile of warm, soft blankets to comfort her. It didn't seem like too much to ask. "It's complicated," she settled on, then winced at how pathetically sad she'd sounded.
"Why is it complicated?" Of course, he couldn't take a hint and just leave her alone. "I just want to know what's bothering you."
"That's sweet," she observed, and it was true; he was being sweet, in a way. He was concerned for her, after all. "But I just... I just wanna lie down. A lot happened yesterday... At least, it was a lot for me. I need some time."
"Time to think?" he asked.
"No." She was at least being honest with him. "I don't wanna think."
"Then... What do you need time for, exactly?"
"The real question here is: what don't I need time for?" She stood to go, but stopped when he followed suit. "What I mean is, I need some time alone."
"I just think that we should talk," he insisted.
"I know," she grumbled. "That's why I'm outta here."
"I'm not desperate," he blurted out, before she had a chance to leave. "If I were, I could do a lot worse than you."
"Thanks," Lin spat back; she honestly didn't know why she even still listened to the ass. Everything that came out of his mouth only served to aggravate her even more.
"That is not what I meant," he quickly correctly, and actually stepped in front of the doorway to physically block her from leaving. "That came out wrong. What I meant was that you are not someone who is only attractive due to desperation."
"I can't believe I was able to live with someone in possession of so much charm for this long," she grumbled sarcastically. "It's a wonder I have yet to be dazzled."
"Why is it that you are allowed to have a difficult time with this sort of thing, yet I am not?" he snapped, bristling at her jab. "What do you want from me? I can't always say the exact right thing at the exact right moment, but at least I am trying."
"I dunno why you're bothering to try," she shot back, crossing her arms. "What is it that you want?"
He looked ready to tear his own plait out from frustration. "What do you think I want?"
"I think we both know the answer to that," she snapped, fed up with his idiocy. She pushed past him while he was busy blushing and being cowed by her reply, and headed for her room.
It appeared that her room was the only place she was about to get any sort of peace, at least for the time being. She'd known, of course, that she would've had to face Shifu eventually one way or another, she just hadn't been ready quite yet.
Still, all things considered, it could have gone worse.
A/N: Sorry, but this issue is going to take more than one chapter to be resolved. Hopefully you all had a good laugh (mostly at Shifu's expense) in lieu of any sort of resolution. Also, I'm sure you all noticed the nod to the movie with that candle scene (which was another one of my favorites).
As for next chapter... The will they/won't they dynamic continues, and everyone is incredibly frustrated. As if you could expect any different from me.