Fandom: Night World, LJ Smith

Disclaimer: Psst. You know that LJ chick? Yeah, well, she kinda owns this.

Dedication: There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave: you were what I wanted, I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you, I'm not sorry it's over – I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.

Summary: The fourth and final Wild Power needs to be found, and time is running out. Circle Daybreak is taking more desperate measures. But is accepting the aid of a traitor to the Night World desperation or brilliance? And what about their own agent - loose cannon Belladonna Turner?

Author Note at the end.

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Where There's Moonlight, I See Your Eyes

Chapter Ten

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I woke up the next morning feeling cool fingers entwine themselves in my dark hair, petting and stroking.

"Mrff." I mumbled, swatting at the hand. A low chuckle, and then the hand resumed its bothering, trailing across my forehead and down my jaw line. It tickled.

"Mphf," was my next intelligent statement as I grabbed the offending hand and tucked it beneath my chin, curling it under my cheek. Just as I felt myself sinking back into a soft void of sleep, the hand freed itself and continued its tickling ministrations. I tried to snatch it again, but it moved around my face too quickly – first poking my cheek and then flitting away to brush my eyelids.

"Okay, I'm freaking up." I said, not even opening my eyes. "What?"

"Good morning." Nick's voice was cool, calm, amused.

"What's good about it?" I returned grumpily. "The sun is shining and the birds are chirping. That doesn't seem good to me."

"And I thought I was the Night Person here," Nick deadpanned. My eyes opened just a crack and I could see that damned, insufferable smirk on his face. I scowled.

"There's that face again," Nick whispered, his lips hovering near mine.

"I don't like you." I muttered, pulling him close and resting my head against his chest, lulled by the steady rhythm of his heart beating and the soft breaths he was taking.

"This position seems familiar. And I know you don't like me – you love me."

I thwacked him on the chest, too tired to do anything else.

"You really are not a morning person, are you? Tired out?"

"Keenly observed, Sherlock," I griped. "Not all of us have vampire endurance."

The moment those words left my lips I knew that I had not only made a big mistake opening my mouth, but I had also given Nick all the ammunition he would ever need against me. Before he could say anything I quickly stepped in – "Don't you dare. Don't. You. Dare. Say a word. Please?"

A low, confidently sexy chuckle. "Belladonna –"

"Bee."

"Yes – bee quiet. Belladonna, we need to talk."

I opened my eyes and struggled to a sitting position, pulling the bedclothes up to my chest. "About?"

I turned to look at Nick and felt a little more awake – he did that to you, seeing him first thing in the morning. Like opening your window on the first day of winter and feeling that icy fresh wind. He looked gorgeous even with hair tousled from sleep (and other activities). At this point, he looked wary and cautious, like a spelunker in an uncharted cave.

"About what's happening next."

Next? There was a next? Once you found your soulmate, there wasn't a 'next', that was it. You found him and lived happily ever after. At least, that's what it's like in Daybreak. I felt that cold chill of premonition that I had been feeling more and more in the past few days. I reached out and took Nick's hand, closing my eyes as that tingling, dizzying feeling took over. All this time, I'd labeled that feeling as anger – the feelings of inarticulacy, of not knowing what to say. But now I knew that they were just manifestation of the soulmate bond. And when you weren't angry, or exasperated, or fighting it, it felt pretty damn amazing. Wonderful, even.

Nick? I asked mentally, not knowing what that lump in my throat was, not knowing why I had that feeling of dread.

Smile, he told me menacingly, leaning closer and closer to my neck until I could feel his warm breath against my skin. Smile or else.

"Oh, like that's going to work," I told him, giggling a little.

"You know, you're very lucky," he replied conversationally by way of answer. "Hardly anybody dares laugh at me. Those stupid enough to do it only do it once. Just once."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you for that, Lestat."

Don't be clever. Hurry and shower – changing into clothes is optional.

I rolled my eyes. Who knew Nick the evil vampire could be so…well, so guyish? I liked it – it was endearing. It highlighted the normalcy of a mostly abnormal situation – species and culture and wars aside, we were just two kids in love. Because the ideas of perfection, reason, truth and morality can only exist absolutely in this world where one is blinded by love.

About half an hour later, I emerged from my room and knocked on the door opposite mine.

Oh, now you knock, came Nick's sardonic reply. He was quite the smartass, wasn't he? I scowled and pushed open the door. Suddenly, all my bravado and masks fell away. "You wanted me?"

"No. I want you." A predatory, intense expression. "Present tense." He crossed the room and enfolded me into his arms, his lips swooping down to claim my own. I breathed in his scent, clean like the air after rain, and a bit like shampoo and something else that was just Nick.

"Funny, Nick," I said, despite the wobbling in my knees. "Seriously – you wanted to talk?"

He did look serious then, sitting me down on the bed. He knelt before me, his hands on my knees. Oh shit, he wasn't going to –

"Don't look so panicked," Nick said dryly. "I'm not proposing."

Oh geez, that was scary. I mean, sure, one day, my soulmate, why not, you know? But still. Too much commitment in too short a time.

"Belladonna – and if you freaking dare open your mouth to say anything, I strongly advise you to not. Listen, Belladonna…you're not going to like this, but…"

Nick lapsed into a moody silence then, as though he didn't want to verbalize his thoughts. Not that I needed them – that connection between us was still alive and strong and glowing, and it told me things. Whispered them to me.

"You want me to leave Daybreak?" I asked, my eyes widening. "Nick! It's not that dangerous, and I'll be involved in the Millennium war anyway, and we're on the road to finding the final Wild Power so it's almost guaranteed we win and –"

He sighed in frustration and sat down next to me. "Belladonna, I know Daybreak is a match for the Night World. That doesn't make it safe for specifically you. I just…want you with me."

"Well, I will be." I didn't understand. "We're in this war together."

Nick's head snapped up at that, and he fixed me with his silver-winter eyes. "I'm not with Daybreak."

I didn't understand. I switched to telepathy. Nick…I don't…you helped us.

And it was a strictly one-off thing. Belladonna, don't you get it? I had my reasons for helping and they're gone now.

What, so I'm not a reason to stay? I asked angrily.

You won't leave Daybreak? Was Nick's just as heated rejoinder.

I can't! I have responsibilities!

And so do I, Nick replied.

"I'm fighting for something worthwhile, Nick! I just can't…I just can't leave that."

"Belladonna – I have things to take care of. I wish you'd come with me, but I know I can't force you."

"This is ridiculous! Nick, what the hell is wrong with you?" I asked, my eyes filling with tears. I blinked them back. "Why can't you just stay?"

"Why can't you come with me?" Nick replied, that icy tone frozen over once more. "Belladonna, I love you, but why should I change for you? Why won't you –" he broke off. "Why won't you change for me? Being in…in love with you – it doesn't change the person that I am."

But I'm your soulmate! I yelled telepathically.

And I'm yours.

"Do I at least get to know what you're leaving me for?" was my icy response. Nick shot to his feet and stared down imposingly at me. I didn't bat an eyelid.

"I'm not leaving you, damnit! I'm trying to take you with me."

"You're avoiding the question again."

He ran his hands through his hair. "I…I can't tell you. I'm – I'm sorry, Belladonna, but I just can't."

"Won't, or can't?" I hissed, trying to hurt him. I was just so confused – and it was happening so fast. I mean, I'd just found him, and we'd…after last night, after we had – he could just leave?

Well, that's not exactly fair. I mean, logically, I knew that asking him to change for me was just as selfish as he asking me to abandon Daybreak. But who the hell said I had to be logical?

"I…" Nick trailed off, looking at me impassively.

"You know, I could just grab your hand and find out myself," I threatened hollowly. "I could."

He outstretched his hand. "Go ahead."

I stared at that smooth palm mistrustfully, indecisively. I shook my head. "Nick, I could – but I'd much rather you told me. Why can't you just tell me?"

"You know that if I could, I would."

Several hours later, I took a deep shuddering breath, trying to filter out the scared, confused thoughts. I shot a look over at Nick, who was sitting on the window seat, once again staring down the sinking sun as the horizon drank it down. It reminded me of the first time I'd looked at him, truly looked. Then, he'd been cold and withdrawn. Today, he just looked…tired and confused. Much older than eighteen.

But then, he was from the Night World. It's kill or be killed where he grew up, and you age faster when that's what you live by, as he had stated.

I laughed hollowly. "So this is it, huh?"

Hours of debate and decisions and all-out slanging matches hadn't helped. Hours of kisses and tears and thoughts. He was leaving. Leaving me, for a reason he wouldn't tell me and that I didn't want to discover myself.

Was that understandable? We might have been soulmates, but that didn't mean that I didn't want him to trust me. By choice, not because of some power no-one fully understood. Was that illogical or stupid, idealistic? Just because we were soulmates, did that mean we couldn't…I don't know. Couldn't have that solid foundation that normal couples have? That has to be built up over years? Was love so trivial to the Old Powers that they could just flick a switch in someone's head and force you to love someone else, without any basis or discernment?

"You won't…you won't change your mind?" Nick asked gloomily.

"Will you?"

Nick looked at me with tormented eyes just then. The bleak blizzard-gray of a snowstorm.

"Belladonna…"

I knew then that he'd been right – and wrong. While we were in direct contrast – like yin and yang, we were also alike, so much alike. Both of us had strong, dominating personalities. We'd both stuck to our guns in the argument, neither backing down. Not even for their soulmate. We were both stubborn and obstinate and opinionated.

It was twisted. Some people said opposites attracted; others said that similar personalities were what you needed. So what do you do when the guy you love had a similar personality, but was also in direct opposition to you? Does that mean there was no hope at all for a relationship – or twice as much? Double or nothing?

"I'm going now." Nick said, his eyes holding an unspoken plea. I just nodded mutely.

"Keep…keep in touch, okay?" I said, although I knew he wouldn't. I brushed my hand against his cheek. He leaned into my touch for a moment.

"Maybe it's better this way," he opined pathetically.

Yeah. Maybe that debilitating pain of being split right down the middle and losing half of yourself was better.

Maybe it was better to hurt than to not feel at all.

"Maybe it is. Maybe we just aren't ready for the whole…soulmate thing."

Nick shrugged. "I know you don't like being tied. Neither do I. Maybe we aren't."

I'd changed my mind. I liked being tied. I liked it and I wanted it and I wanted him.

But I knew I wouldn't say anything.

"I guess this is it then, huh?" I asked again.

"Yes. Yes it is."

I didn't turn from my position at the window, gazing at the now half-disappeared sun which had turned the sky a beautiful fuse of violet, orange, yellow, azure. I felt a light hand rest for a moment in between my shoulder blades, and then the door quietly shut. I shut my eyes tightly, resisting the urge to run after him yelling and begging and crying.

It would make it harder.

He wouldn't leave his principles, I knew that. He said he had things to take care of, and I believed him. So did I though, and that was the trouble. He and I were like when fire and the ocean floor collide, and while it was rapturous, splendid – no-one knew how it would work out. One of us would end up eclipsing the other, extinguishing the other's flame.

Does love have to hurt? I know that's one of the biggest clichés in the world, and sometimes I think that that's what makes it so amazing. Love that just comes and plops itself down into your lap is never as glorious as the love that you fight for.

But Hell. This was a different kind of pain altogether.

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Readers, I am so sorry. You guys have probably fled and moved on with your lives, have probably outgrown Night World or fanfiction or maybe even reading fullstop. And I have no excuse – well, I do. I have a lot. I moved countries and only just recently (i.e. last month) had my computer flown down (and I couldn't've written fanfiction in the library, I just couldn't. It would have been TERRIBLE). In the past month, this has been in the back of my head – but there've been bills to pay and assignments to write and a lot of growing up to do. I know none of this is any excuse, but believe me when I say every single time I had an email about Author Alerts, Favorites or Review Alerts; I felt completely guilty. I HATE it when ff writers abandon you in the midst of something, and I refuse to do that.

So I apologize, wholeheartedly, and here's a bit of something to start it all up again.

I've also decided that instead of continuing this in a separate fiction (my original plan was to write a trilogy/tripartite story kind of thing) as follows:

1: Where There's Moonlight, I See Your Eyes

2: How'd I Let You Slip Away?

3: You Were The Song All Along

BUT. After what I've done to you guys, I think for simplicity's sake I'll just continue on in this document itself. I thought separating them story-wise would kind of insert this air of a "break" – but I think my unexpected and inexcusably long hiatus has done that just fine.

/bitter and guilty.

Notes

Once again, thoughts on love – are kind of obsolete when writing this.

- WalkThruTheFire.