A/N: Whoa! I actually got this chapter out in a week! I know, it's like the Twilight Zone. I felt bad for being late, so I really cranked this one out. And let me tell you- it is chock full of stuff happening. There will be lots of stuff happening in the next few chapters, actually. So, enjoy! And thanks again for putting up with me.
Disclaimer: Kung Fu Panda, Dreamworks, you know the drill.
Chapter 32: Happiness is Homemade
Everything was not exactly going according to plan. Tai Lung realized that he should have foreseen a few hiccups here and there in Lin and Master Shifu getting together, but he doubted that even the most gifted of strategists could have predicted the problem that had arisen. Sure, he had expected the fighting- they'd been fighting from day one, so how could he expect any different? And he knew that they would act awkward and annoy each other, and then talk about really weird things at the dinner table as thinly veiled metaphors to get on each other's nerves. That was a given, at least when it came to the two of them. He couldn't even say he was surprised by the way they both coughed and sputtered when love was actually mentioned by name.
What had completely blind-sided him, though, was the fact that from the very first moment Lin and Shifu had decided to embark on their unusual romance he had ceased to exist. Well, Tai Lung knew he had not literally ceased to exist, but he might as well have as far as those two were concerned. In fact, they were so caught up in each other that they didn't seem to notice anything else. It was pretty disgusting, actually. And it was not how things were supposed to be. They were supposed to be a family- as in, they were supposed to pay attention to him. They were supposed to all go on outings together, like picnics and stuff, and Lin would play in the mud with him while Master Shifu yelled at them, but then he would calm down and tell a story about some ancient kung fu warrior. That was how life was supposed to be, now.
Instead he spent every meal watching them bicker like an old married couple- they might as well have just made out right in front of him- and during his training Master Shifu acted like he barely even knew what was going on, his head was so far up in the clouds all the time. Not to mention Lin spent all her free time making kissy faces with Shifu, and never once in the past couple of weeks had given Tai Lung her earthy advice or cooked sweets for him, or even so much as pushed him into a puddle. Sure, Master Oogway was still around and more than willing to talk, but it wasn't the same. Master Oogway never cursed right in front of him, never talked about the weird people he'd met, never wanted to play games or anything like that. Master Oogway could barely go five seconds without giving out enigmatic advice, and it got annoying after a while.
He missed Lin. He missed Master Shifu, too, but to be honest Shifu had been getting pretty distant before Lin had even arrived at the Jade Palace. Lin was his best friend, though. And as ridiculous as it sounded, he felt like he'd lost his best friend- like his master had stolen her from him.
Master Oogway said it would pass- that he would start to feel better about everything, and that the other two adults at the Jade Palace would eventually stop acting like a couple of asses. He had his doubts, but Master Oogway was generally right about these things, so he had endured his loneliness in silence, and focused on his training as a means of distraction.
Still, it was difficult to ignore the overwhelming feeling of being a third wheel at meals, which was why he'd been dreading dinner all afternoon long. Dinner was usually the worst out of all the meals, because Master Shifu would stay behind in the kitchen to help Lin clean up, and he just knew they were in there sucking face. And that knowledge disgusted him more than he could have ever foreseen. In any case, he just hoped that he didn't walk in on anything.
To his surprise, though, he walked into the kitchen to find Lin there completely alone, drinking from a bottle in one hand while she distractedly stirred the contents of a pot with the other.
"What're you drinking?" he asked, immediately suspicious; he knew from her cooking what alcohol smelled like, and the whole room reeked of it.
"Huh?" Lin blinked up at him, as if she didn't even understand the question, then glanced back at her bottle. "Oh! This! Um... Nothing."
"Whatever it is, it stinks." He took his seat at the table without any further questioning; he honestly didn't see the point. It wasn't like she would actually listen to him if he yelled at her. "So what's for dinner?"
"I dunno," she replied, then finished off the contents of her bottle. "Something."
He wondered if this was what it was like when adults got drunk. It actually wasn't as bad as he was expecting. "How can you not know what you cooked?"
"I dunno," she repeated, then peered into her pot and sniffed at the contents. "I think it's some kinda pasta. With something in it..." She dipped her spoon into it and gave it a taste, furrowing her brow. "Huh!"
"Well, what is it?"
"Wine stew!"
"You made wine for dinner?" Tai Lung suspected she'd completely lost her mind, but he wasn't exactly sure why. "Why would you ever make wine for dinner? I'm not old enough!"
"Y'know, when I was growing up, even the bambini drank wine." She threw open a cabinet and yanked out the first bowls she saw, then poured a huge serving for him. "Besides, the alcohol cooks off. And it's good for you!" She poured some stew for herself and joined him at the table, setting his bowl down in front of him with a loud thunk.
"I, uhm... Are you sure I can eat this?" He sniffed at the stew; it looked good, and it smelled good.
"Sure!" She practically dove into hers, then let out a very disturbing moan. "It's so freaking good."
"You're a freak." He eyed the stew for a little bit longer, then tentatively sipped at a tiny spoonful. It was so freaking good. "You're absolutely sure the alcohol cooks off?"
"Absolutely." She took another huge bite of her stew. "Mmm!"
"If you say so." He figured that even if he did get drunk off the stew, Lin was the one who was going to get into trouble, anyway. "So... Why're we eating without Master Shifu?" He hadn't wanted to bring Shifu up, not when he'd finally gotten her to himself, but he was overcome by his curiosity.
"He's mad at me," she sighed, looking momentarily forlorn before she shoved some more food into her mouth. That was pretty unexpected; usually she was the one pissed off at Shifu, and then he refused to show up to meals for fear of her wrath.
"What for?" he asked, watching her carefully; he still wasn't sure whether she'd have an outburst or not; he could never really tell.
Instead, she simply completely changed the subject. "Y'know, I never really liked kids all that much," she told him, and he wondered what kind of point she was trying to make. "You're different, though. I always felt like... You were kinda like me, y'know. When I was a kid, all I ever really wanted was to show everyone how great I could be, once I got the chance." She set her spoon down and stared off into the distance, a depressed frown on her face. "You're like that, too."
"Um, sure." He glanced down at his stew, then decided that even if the alcohol did cook off, he didn't want to risk getting like Lin and pushed the bowl away. "What're you even talking about?"
She continued to stare off into space for a while, then turned to him. "I gotta get more booze."
"No, you really don't," he argued immediately. He was starting to get concerned; while he knew that Lin liked to drink, she'd never done so on the job or even around him. The only time he ever saw her stash of alcohol was when she cooked with it, and even that was rare. And not nearly as bountiful as the wine in her stew.
"I'm sorry," she suddenly blurted out, then out of the blue leaned over and hugged him, practically falling out of her seat.
"What is happening to me?" he mused aloud, then managed to pry her off of him and get her back into her chair.
"I didn't mean to wait this long to say anything, y'know," she went on; she was talking absolute nonsense, and he suspected it had something to do with the liquor. "I wanted to tellya earlier, but I was just too much of a pussy. I'm sorry."
"Tell me what?" He doubted she would shed any light on the situation, but he figured he might as well ask. Then maybe she would at least start acting a little more normal; he felt cheated that the only time he'd had to hang out with her had been spent watching her act like a crazy person.
"What?" She squinted at him, then seemed to realize what he'd asked her. "I'm sorry, Tai Lung," she apologized again, then tried to give him another hug.
He immediately pushed her back into her seat. "Stop it. You didn't tell me anything!"
"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I shouldn'ta had so much to drink. I shoulda toldya this sober, but I just... I'm such a coward."
"It's okay," he sighed; he just hoped she didn't try to hug him again.
"I'm really gonna miss you, too. I woulda liked to see you grow up, y'know. Be a kung fu master and shit." She reached up and rubbed at the side of her face, letting out a tired grunt. "I gotta leave the country. And I ain't coming back."
Tai Lung stared back at her as he absorbed the information, his brow furrowed in confusion. Why would she leave, when she'd just started dating Shifu? It must have been some kind of trick. "That's a good one, but I'm not falling for it."
"It's not a joke, Tai Lung," she replied, and she seemed really sincere. "I'm wanted for a lotta different crimes. If I don't get outta the country soon, I might get found out. And if that happens, I'll be executed."
"You can't be serious." He stared back at her, waiting for her to start laughing and give him a punch in the arm, but she remained stoic.
"I'm sorry," she went on, sounding upset. "I was never planning to stay here. I was supposed to leave sooner, but then my arm got hurt and then all that crap happened with Shifu, and Oogway asked me for this thing... But I can't put it off much longer. I gotta leave. I didn't... I don't wanna hurt you, y'know. I wish this was easier. I'm-"
"I know," he interrupted, getting up from his seat. "You're sorry. I got that." He couldn't believe what he was hearing; first she'd ditched him for Shifu, and now she was actually leaving? For good? How was he supposed to take that kind of news? "You know what?"
"What?" she asked, still a little confused from her alcohol consumption.
"You're a bitch." He knew that he wasn't supposed to use language like that, especially not toward one of his elders, but there was nothing else for him to say. He'd heard Lin herself use the term plenty of times, too, so he doubted she would have any objection to it. Even if she did, he wouldn't care.
"Agreed." She pushed her stew away as well, apparently finally able to focus on the discussion at hand. "But y'know, that's how-"
"That's how what is?" he snapped back. "That's how life is? What are you gonna say, huh? That sometimes life just isn't fair?"
"That's not what I was gonna say," she replied. "'Cause it's more like always. Never, even for a second, is life ever fair. The sooner you learn that, the better."
He just glared at her for a moment, then turned and walked away.
"Tai Lung- Tai Lung! Wait!"
He ignored her, of course; the last thing he wanted to hear at the moment was some dumb excuse about why she was leaving them. Whatever reason she was going to give, that didn't change the fact that she was leaving; if she really regretted it so much, she would stay. If she wanted to stay, she would- that was the kind of person Lin was. No matter how much she insisted that she had to leave the Valley of Peace, the fact remained that she never did anything she didn't want to do.
As he walked out of the barracks he noted that she hadn't followed him; of course not. She was leaving, after all. Why would she care about him and his feelings? He should have known from the beginning that she didn't care about anyone but herself.
He should have known better all around; he should have just stuck to his kung fu and stayed uninvolved. He had no business caring about anything besides kung fu, anyway. That was what was going to make him strong- and when he became the strongest warrior in all of China, nothing and no one would be able to hurt him. Once he got his hands on that Dragon Scroll, no one would even dare to try to hurt him. And anyone who'd ever tried would regret it. That much he knew for sure.
Numbness was not normally in Shifu's regular emotional range; he'd always been far too reactive for something like that. Whenever something terrible happened to him anger, fear, sadness, disappointment- all of those were likely to crop up in him at some point or another. However, this time was different. This time he was simply numb. For some reason, he didn't feel anything, nor had he from the moment Lin had told him she was going to leave the Valley. He should have felt hurt, betrayed, completely and irrationally enraged- and yet he didn't. Perhaps he was simply in shock. After all, no one had ever done to him what Lin had done.
He paused in his walk to look out over the valley; he hadn't wanted to retreat to his room, of all places, and the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was talk to anyone. The only place he'd been able to think of that would guarantee privacy and fresh air had been the small, overgrown path that looped around to the back door of the barracks. He couldn't help but remember, as he watched the lights of the villagers' lanterns flickering in the night, the conversation he'd had with Lin on this path. And he remembered the way she'd looked out over the valley, like she'd never seen anything like it before. He realized now that he'd loved her even then- he'd loved her before then, actually; hindsight did tend to be the clearest sight of all.
It had been foolish of him to think she would stay, though; he'd suspected she was planning to leave for some time, but then he'd simply assumed after they had become- whatever she wanted to call it- involved, that she was going to stay. He should have seen that she was never planning to stay, not even for a little while. That was why she had struggled so much before deciding to accept his advances, it was the real reason she'd said there would be no point. He should have just listened to her, instead of pushing the subject. Maybe he could have avoided the inevitable heartbreak.
But then, that wasn't exactly how it worked, was it? He loved her (yes, he still loved her even after everything she'd done to him) and that wouldn't have changed if he'd never kissed her or confessed that he had feelings for her. He'd been doomed from the very first moment she'd flashed that disarming smile of hers at him, so there was no point in thinking about "what if"s. He'd probably been doomed before that, and simply hadn't noticed. If he were any judge of himself, he'd probably begun to fall in love with her from the start. He was just that much of a fool.
The numbness was starting to wear off, the more he thought about his circumstances. He was angry, of course- how could he not be angry at Lin, not just for leaving, but for waiting so long to tell him? And then there was the predictable addition of depression. Again, he could hardly expect to feel anything other than depressed at the thought of losing someone he loved. There was something else, though- something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt helpless.
This was not a problem he could solve with kung fu or with reason. This wasn't something he could just storm in and beat unconscious and then just forget about. It wasn't even something he could have defended himself against, because that wouldn't have been love in the first place. It wasn't that simple. In falling in love he had consented to be completely vulnerable- he might not have always shown it, but that did not mean he wasn't feeling it. He'd taken a chance and done something completely opposite of his nature by leaving himself open to attack. And, of course, he'd been hurt.
He wondered if Lin had taken the same kind of chance on him. Perhaps it was only wishful thinking on his part, but he'd thought she'd been vulnerable, too. How could he not, with the way she'd floundered about like a fish out of water? Maybe that had all been an act, though. Maybe it had been one big lie that he had all too readily believed. But even now that he'd been betrayed by her, he still couldn't think that everything she had ever shared with him had been a lie. Certainly not the soft, awkward kisses, and not the inappropriate jokes at all the wrong times, or the shy blushes, and never, not in a million years, any of the smiles. That smile that didn't just extend to her eyes, but radiated throughout her entire body, had been the only shred of proof he'd ever had that she had even begun to feel the same way about him that he did about her. He refused to believe that it had been a lie, this entire time. He'd trusted her, after all.
How was it possible for one woman to make him so happy, and yet so miserable? One minute he'd been content to drink tea with her in the kitchen, and the next she'd ruined everything with just three words. Did she even know what she was capable of doing to him? She must not- he liked to believe she was too good of a person to want to make him feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out again.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and blinked back the burning sensation in his eyes at that thought; there was no way he was going to shed even a single tear. Feeling sorry for himself was not an option. After all, he had Tai Lung to think about- the boy would probably be just as heartbroken over Lin's departure, and Shifu knew that if he lost his composure even when no one else could see him, he would never be able to get it back. Besides, he was a grown man and a master of kung fu; it would be downright pathetic for him to cry.
He just needed to calm down a little- and while he knew a cup of tea would do him a world of good, he didn't want to risk running into Lin. He didn't know how he'd react if he had to face her again that very night. Although it was well past dinner, and knowing her she would have probably retreated to her room in an effort to avoid him as well. And he supposed that if he did happen to stumble across her he could just turn around and walk away- either that or give her a piece of his mind about how dishonest she'd been with him. And, if he were to be completely honest with himself, part of him wanted to see Lin, in the hopes that she would be at least in some way upset, mainly to confirm that she actually did care for him.
Either way he was still going back inside the barracks; a wet chill was starting to set in that would undoubtedly give him a cold if he stayed out any longer, anyway. And he still couldn't help but think of that night he had spoken to Lin and she'd made all those flimsy excuses to answer his questions yet not tell him anything about herself, especially when he climbed up the narrow staircase to the back door of the barracks. He had to wonder if she'd been looking at his rear end, as she had claimed to be so fond of doing. He was letting his mind wander too much, though; he needed to concentrate on making his way down the hall to the kitchen as quietly as possible. He would make himself a pot of chamomile tea, take it to his room, and drink a few soothing cups in order to help himself drift off to sleep. That had been the plan, anyway, until he walked through the door to find Lin (of course, how could he have hoped for anything else?) slumped in her usual seat at the table, emptying the contents of a rather large bottle into her mouth.
He turned and stepped right back out in the hopes that she hadn't noticed him, but he did not possess such luck.
"Shifu, wait!" She attempted to jump up from her seat, but just ended up falling flat on her face. "Euuurgh," she grumbled a few seconds after impact.
Against his better judgment, he actually took pity on her and walked back into the kitchen. "Are you drunk?" It didn't take a critical eye to see that she had already made her way through two bottles of hard liquor, and he sincerely hoped that they had not both been full.
"I dunno," she slurred, which pretty much answered his question. "Help me up."
He bent down and scooped her up into his arms, then deposited her back into her chair. "I am only doing this out of common courtesy," he informed her. "And now I will go."
"No, wait," she pleaded again, and grabbed onto his sleeve. "I'm sorry."
"Getting drunk and acting pathetic isn't going to pull on my heartstrings," he informed her stiffly. "Especially not when you reek of the swill you have just ingested."
"I didn't get drunk to pull on your heartstrings," she grumbled back, then interrupted the moment to burp into her fist. "I got drunk 'cause I thought it'd make me feel better."
"And did it?" He realized that lecturing her was probably not the best thing to do at the moment, but he went ahead and did so anyway.
"For a little while."
He crossed his arms and glared at her. "And it wore off fairly quickly, did it not?"
"Yeah, I guess," she sighed.
"So what has this taught you about drinking?"
"That I'm a horny drunk?" she guessed, and he in turn buried his face in his palm in a moment of pure frustration.
"I am going to bed now." He was wasting his time, anyway.
"No, don't go to bed! I know you're mad at me, but I... I didn't mean to... Do stuff. I'm not articulate right now. I'm still sorry, though." She grabbed his other sleeve and held on for dear life. "I shoulda said something earlier. I don't wanna leave. But I do wanna leave. And I gotta leave, or they'll find me. I gotta get over the border, y'know?" She wasn't making very much sense, but she was finally revealing something about her past- apparently someone was after her.
"Who is going to find you?" he asked, though he doubted he would be able to glean much from her in her current state.
"The guys with the... Y'know..." She let go of him with one hand long enough to vaguely indicate her torso. "What's the word? Uniformi. The, uhm... The watchamacallits... Soldati. What's the word for soldati, again? God, I hate Mandarin."
Shifu could only stare at her; this was definitely a new development.
"I'm not Chinese," she supplied needlessly. "In case you were wondering. Surprise!"
"Yes, that would be one word for it." He was still trying to wrap his head around this new realization. And if she wasn't Chinese, then he doubted that Lin was even her real name. "So why were these... People after you?"
"I was very big," she replied, vague as ever. "I still am! Rivoluzionario."
"Please stick to Mandarin." He didn't see her honoring said request very well, though.
"I made people think. I governi, they don't like it when people think, y'know. Troppo rischioso, y'know. Il contadino ha un cervello, il governo ha una problema. That's what I say, anyway."
"But I have no idea what you are saying," he pointed out. "You are speaking in tongues."
"Ha! What're we talking about, again?" She was definitely gone.
"You're leaving," he told her in the hopes that she would actually say something he could understand.
"I'm sorry," she replied immediately; he felt like he'd just reset her. "I didn't wanna hurt you, y'know. I tried to say no to you, but I just like you too damn much. I couldn't say no. Promise you won't think less of me for that, okay?"
"...Okay." Alright, so maybe her being drunk and pathetic was tugging on his heartstrings just a little bit.
"You're the only one I'll ever feel this way about," she went on, and rested her head on his chest. "I can tell already. I just know. Please don't be mad at me anymore."
"Okay," he agreed again, though he knew that they were going to need to have a very in-depth talk once she sobered up.
"Sono innamorato di tu," she went on. "Ti amo più di qualcosa."
"Okay," he said for a third time, because he had no idea what she'd just told him and he wanted to cut her off before she started speaking gibberish again. "That is quite enough of that." He hoped she wasn't saying anything dirty.
"I'm sorry for getting so stupid drunk."
"I forgive you." He leaned down and wrapped an arm around her waist, then hoisted her arm over his shoulders and helped her up. "Let's get you to bed, now." He could tell that she was far too drunk for their conversation to go anywhere, and besides... He still worried about her.
"Don't go in my room," she replied. "You promised, remember? You swore on your honor... Or something."
"Why don't you want me to see your room?" He was prepared for her to answer with her usual flippant, "it's messy," but she surprised him.
"'Cause I was afraid if you knew my secret, you'd tell someone. And then that someone'd tell someone, and then before y'know it, everyone'd know my secret. It ain't that I don't trust you, but sometimes secrets slip, y'know?"
"But I want to know what your secret is," he replied, because it was the truth.
"I been meaning to tellya. I been meaning to tellya a lotta things." She leaned her head on his shoulder, and if she had been even remotely sober he might have thought of the gesture as somewhat romantic. "I'll tellya when I ain't raging drunk."
He honestly had no idea what was wrong with him, that he was so forgiving of this woman. "Is that a promise?"
"Sure thing." She threw her other arm around his shoulders and leaned basically all of her weight on him; he could handle it, of course, but he still wished she would at least attempt to support herself. "Now tuck me in, Grassoccio, I'm tired."
"Is that my name in your language?"
She just laughed. "Yeah!"
"And what is yours?" He supposed he would have to bring her to one of the empty rooms in the barracks, since he couldn't very well take her to her own room, and putting her to bed in his room would not exactly be appropriate.
For some reason, she let out another quiet giggle. "Pianticella."
"That's a lovely name." He took her to the room across the hall from his; it would be best to have her near, just in case she needed him for anything.
"So's your mom," she answered, then finally planted her feet on the ground; however, she had only stood up so she could drag him back out into the hallway.
"What is wrong with this room?" he huffed, annoyed. He didn't have all night to try to find someplace for her to sleep, just because she didn't want him seeing her room.
"It's not the right one," she replied simply.
He would have asked what would constitute a room being "the right one," except that he got his answer fairly quickly, when she pulled him into his own room. "I don't like where this is going," he grumbled, then pried her off of him. He had to grab her around the waist again, anyway, since she almost fell over.
"I wanna have a slumber party." Apparently sex was not what was on her mind, though. "Let's do makeovers."
"Oh." He tried not to feel too wounded that it didn't even cross her mind; she probably did not mean to insult him. And besides, she was drunk. "So tell me, if you sleep in the bed-"
"Yup, I'm gonna do that," she interrupted him.
"-Then where will I sleep?" He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at her as she apparently thought very deeply about where he would be spending the night.
She then attempted to clap as an idea entered her head, but her hands completely missed each other and one of them slapped him in the face. "I got it!"
He really, really just wanted her to go to sleep. "You do, do you?"
"In the bed!" She grabbed his collar and yanked him toward the bed, but he didn't budge.
"I cannot sleep in the bed," he informed her as politely as he possibly could.
"Why not?" she shot back. "What, I smell or something?"
He should have just answered yes to that and left the room, but for some reason he found himself actually attempting to explain to her why he could not share the bed. "I am a man. You are a woman. It would be improper."
"You pervert," she accused, then gave him an intentional slap on the shoulder. "Y'know, I'd never take advantage of you when you're in such a vulnerable state."
He wondered if he was as annoying when he was inebriated. "I know that. Thank you."
"You're welcome!"
"But you see, sharing the bed is usually something that people do when they, well... And we would not be doing that. Therefore, we should not share the bed." He could feel a blush rising to his cheeks as he worked out the awkward explanation.
"Yeah, but so what?" Of course, it had not been good enough for her. "You wouldn't do anything untoward to me, right?"
"Right," he confirmed.
"So we'd sleep in the same bed. So what? I used to share a bed with my brothers and sisters. It's not a big deal to share the bed, y'know. And besides, I wanna sleep next to you. What's the problem?"
He had to admit, she'd made a good point. "You promise you will not take advantage of me?" he asked, though he could not for the life of him fathom why he was playing along with her.
"Yeah, I promise."
"...Alright, then. We will share the bed."
"Great!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air and narrowly missing his face. She attempted to fall over backwards, but he refused to let go of her, so she ended up just hanging from his arms.
"Are you done yet?" he grumbled as he felt a headache begin to set in.
"Put me in the bed," she ordered, and he happily obliged. "Now put yourself in the bed," she ordered again as she burrowed into his sheets, then gave the very narrow space next to her a pat.
"I have a bad feeling about this." He crawled into his bed anyway, though, and tried not to blush too brightly when she pressed herself against him.
"Now say something sweet to me."
"Like what?" He was starting to think she was never going to fall asleep.
Luckily, she chose that moment to let out a loud yawn, then closed her eyes. "I dunno. Tell me you forgive me or something."
He grunted as she wrapped her arms around him a little bit too tightly, be he supposed he would have to put up with it until she drifted off. "I forgive you for being insensitive and self-absorbed," he replied. "And also you are very pretty."
"Aw," she sighed quietly. "That's sweet."
"Yes, I know." He began to gently rub her back in the hopes that it would soothe her to sleep, and it seemed to be successful; at the very least, she had stopped talking.
He took a moment to reflect on how ridiculous it was that she had been the one to break his heart, and yet at the end of the night he found himself comforting her and tucking her into bed. He also wondered if anyone else on the entire planet would ever put up with the things that she had done to him. Probably not. Then again, he observed as he watched her sleep, one hand resting gently on his chest, being her doormat did have its upsides. They were perhaps not the best perks around, but they were better than nothing.
Something was definitely out of place. Lin knew from the moment she woke up, before she even opened her eyes. Wherever she was, it wasn't in her own bed; that much she knew. And there was something big next to her, and warm. Then, slowly, she began to remember exactly what had happened- and how she'd behaved- the night before. She slowly blinked her eyes open and turned to look at Shifu, sprawled on his back, only half of him actually resting on the bedroll. And he was snoring, too. He must have also been dreaming, because he was kicking one leg just a little bit. Well, she couldn't say she was a much better sight in her sleep. She knew for a fact that she was a drooler, for one. And she had been known to talk in her sleep every now and then. Not to mention the innumerable times she'd woken up with her hand on her crotch.
She got up as slowly and quietly as she could, straightening out her clothes. The sooner she got out of there, the better- she did not want to be around when he woke up. Unfortunately, fate seemed to have a pretty unkind sense of humor when it came to her life. She had almost made it to the door, when she heard a snort behind her, and then Shifu's voice.
"Are you trying to sneak out of here before I wake up?" Of course, he woke up. He was a kung fu master, after all- not to mention those huge ears; what were the chances he wouldn't hear her?
"Um." She spared a brief, longing glance at the door, then turned back to him. "Well, that's pretty subjective- wouldn't you say?"
"In what way," he groaned as he sat up and rubbed at one apparently sore shoulder, "is that subjective?"
"I mean, in one person's eyes I could be trying to sneak out before you wake up," she reasoned, thinking quickly. "In another's, I could be trying to make you breakfast in bed." She shot him as good of a smile as she could manage that early in the morning, hoping he bought her excuse.
"That is a bunch of complete nonsense," he shot back, then stood up; he was still dressed in his clothes from the previous day, which she guessed was probably her fault.
"If it makes a difference, I'll still make you breakfast in bed," she offered. "Whatever you're in the mood for, as long as it's not apricots. Apricots gimme gas."
"I am not even hungry," he grumbled, straightening out his collar and his sleeves. "...You aren't hung over?"
"A little bit." She had to admit, she did have something of a headache in effect, and she wasn't exactly keen on the idea of eating breakfast. "It could be worse."
"Considering how completely blasted drunk you were last night, yes. Yes it could be worse." He gave her a very pointed look, and she could tell that he was definitely thinking back on when she'd accidentally slapped him in the face.
"Sorry," she muttered, embarrassed; she'd just been so depressed. And then she'd figured a drink or two could only help, and then next thing she knew a couple of drinks had turned into a couple of bottles. She normally held her drink very well, but even she hadn't been able to handle the amount of alcohol she'd consumed in such a short amount of time. "Look, can we talk?"
"Absolutely," he replied immediately. "Would you get away from the door first, so I don't feel like you are about to run away at any given moment?"
"Calm down," she huffed, but walked away from the door and instead stood awkwardly in front of him as he'd asked. "It's not like I'm gonna just make a break for it and run outta China right this second."
"It is certainly the impression you have been giving off," he shot back, which made her blush a bit with guilt. "Now tell me, when were you planning to go?"
"Umm..." She hadn't set a specific date yet, but she'd begun to feel a sense of urgency about the whole matter. "In a few days, I guess. I could probably get away with sticking around for another week. I really should... Y'know... Leave. As soon as possible."
"Right," he huffed; he was definitely not pleased. "At least you told me now and not as you were walking out the door."
"Oh, c'mon. You know I wouldn't do that." She might have done that, actually, if she hadn't grown so fond of him... And Tai Lung and Oogway, as well. Speaking of which- "Tai Lung hates me, by the way."
"I take it you told him of your plans."
"Yeah. I was kinda tipsy, too," she admitted, waiting for him to blow up at her for not only drinking on the job, but around Tai Lung as well.
He just stared at her, as if he hadn't heard what she'd said at all. Then he slowly blinked, leveled a flat glare at her, and said, "You're joking."
"Sure," she agreed quickly. "Haha!"
"You were drunk around Tai Lung!" he burst out, finally losing control of his temper. "Do you have brain damage! In what universe could you ever possibly think that that would be okay!"
"Sorry!" She hadn't meant to get tipsy before dinner, it had just happened. "I was upset, okay? I just... I wasn't thinking. I thought you might never speak to me again, y'know. I thought I'd leave and you'd still be mad at me, and that was just how things would end. I didn't mean to drink so much." She risked touching him, since he seemed to be in a very forgiving mood as of late, and let her hand rest on his stomach.
"Please do not make a fat joke right now." He didn't pull away, though.
"I won't." She wasn't sure what else there was to say, really. Except for one thing. "I, uhm... I... Shit." She couldn't say it out loud, though. She couldn't admit to his face that she loved him. Not yet, anyway- not sober, and definitely not in a language he would understand.
"You shat?" he asked, catching her off-guard with the unexpected humor. "And I just changed my sheets, too."
"You are messed in the head," she replied, amazed that he was able to forgive her so easily- or even at all. "For what it's worth, I don't wanna leave you. It's just... I can't stay here."
"You did mention something about that." He raised his eyebrows at her, and she just knew he was thinking about everything she'd said when she'd been drunk. "So tell me... What were you talking about? With the... What was that word? Uniformi?"
"It's a long story," she grumbled. "I dunno where to start." Or whether she even wanted to start at all. "Well, even calling it a long story makes it sound short. More like my whole freaking life's story."
"I take it you are not about to divulge any of it to me." He gave her another one of his flat looks, but it wasn't going to work on her.
"Later," she promised. "I swear I'll tellya later. Right now... I'm just really tired."
"You will tell me later, though? Including the part about you being engaged? And where you are from? And the people who are after you? And-"
"Yes," she interrupted him, a bit exasperated that even when he apparently agreed to her holding off on telling him everything he still managed to interrogate her. "Yes, yes, yes. And yeah."
He continued to stare at her a moment, then shockingly enough he conceded. "...Alright." He didn't seem to know what else to say, and neither did she, so they just awkwardly stood around like that, completely silent. He finally spoke up, though from his change of subject it was clear that he just wanted to say something to fill the void. "So... It was not as bad sleeping with you as I had expected."
Lin let out a snort at how dirty that had sounded.
"That is not what I meant," he amended quickly, blushing. "I meant... It was not so bad sleeping next to you. As far as... Bed partners... Go." He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed. "Please say something now."
"Well, crap," she muttered, trying to think of the right words for the moment and failing miserably. "You're just... Wonderful."
"W-wait- I am?" he managed to stammer out before she kissed him. And then he farted.
"Never mind!" she snapped, pulling away from him and waving at the air; she did not even want to begin to describe what it smelled like. "You got all riled up 'cause I burped during a kiss, and then you go and blow up the whole damn room! Not fair!"
He just laughed at her- or his fart, whichever one. Sometimes he really could act like a stereotypical man.
"Not funny," she insisted, though she couldn't help but laugh a little bit, too. "Y'know, this right here is the reason you ain't had sex in ten years."
"And I am willing to bet that your morning breath has something to do with your virginity," he shot back.
"I do not have morning breath."
"Oh yes you do, and it tastes like sour milk, rotten eggs, and staleness. But I kiss you anyway, because I am wonderful."
"Get bent," she grumbled, but didn't protest when he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her again. She didn't even act surprised when he groped her butt a little bit, but that was mostly because she'd wanted him to, anyway. Despite the loud fart. "Y'know, it sounded kinda like a goose," she told him when he pulled away to take a breath. "Or maybe a really outta tune horn."
"You liked it," he accused, then pulled her into another kiss before she had time to protest.
She realized that making out with Shifu should probably go onto her list of things to do to completely forget about all her worries. She didn't know why she'd never thought of it before; when she kissed him, all coherent thought eventually faded from her mind, and all she could really focus on was what was happening at the moment. And also what she wanted to be happening in the next moment- which was why she tugged at his collar until the front of his robes were disheveled enough for her to slip a hand inside and cop a feel. She couldn't help but let out a surprised squeak when he squeezed her ass again in response, but she was pretty sure he liked that, anyway.
And then the morning gong rang.
She somehow managed to push him away, then huffed out an annoyed, "Ah, shit," as she went about fixing her rumpled clothing.
"I suppose you're right," he agreed, and attempted to pull his collar back into place- as usual, he failed at it.
"C'mere," she sighed, then grabbed him so she could make sure that he actually looked presentable. For someone who was so incredibly uptight, he seemed to have a lot of trouble figuring out how to get his clothes into place. "I dunno how you survived without me." She realized after she'd spoken that she'd said something rather insensitive, and blushed, embarrassed at the reminder of her impending departure.
"I don't know either," he muttered distractedly and slid his hand down her back with the clear intention of once again groping her backside.
"Hey!" she warned, giving him a hard poke in the chest. "Like the fatal blossom of the graceful jimson weed, I entice with my fragrance, but can provide no suckle. Got it?"
He simply stared at her.
She crossed her arms, though it was mostly just for show. "Oh, what now?"
"...I was just trying to decide whether you were joking or not." He eyed her as if he wasn't sure whether to laugh at her or to just leave the room. "Where did you even hear a phrase like that?"
"I managed to get my hands on one of Tai Lung's mysterious scrolls." At least, she had assumed when she'd stumbled across the well-worn scroll covered in dirty snow leopard hand-prints that it was one of the many filthy romance stories Tai Lung had somehow managed to dig up.
"Oh no," Shifu groaned, reaching up to rub at his temple. "How bad was it?"
Lin paused a moment to contemplate how best to break the news to him. "Let's just say you'll probably need to have 'the talk' a little sooner 'an planned."
"Wonderful."
"Unless, of course, you want him equating lady parts to fertile gardens for the rest of his life." She paused then, furrowing her brow as a realization dawned on her. "Wow, I just saw his interest in gardening from a whole new perspective."
He let out a grunt as if he were in actual physical pain, then reached up to massage his temple. "Alright, that's enough, Pianticella."
She felt a blush instantly rise in her face at his use of her old nickname- she hadn't even remembered telling it to him, until he mentioned it. "That's, um- you- I mean... No one's called me that in a really long time." She'd been fourteen, actually, the last time she'd heard it. And, for once, something from her past was actually conjuring up somewhat happy memories.
"You said that was your... Real name." He raised his eyebrows at her, apparently waiting for either confirmation or denial.
"Not quite," she clarified. "It means 'seedling.' A friend of mine used to call me that, a long time ago. He used to say to me all the time, 'Pianticella, you keep this shit up and one of these days someone's actually gonna bury you, and it's probably gonna be me.'" She couldn't help but smile at that memory.
"Ah, death threats," Shifu interrupted her nostalgic moment. "Truly the foundation to any happy childhood."
She glared at him, but continued with her story anyway. "Everyone called him Vino- that means wine- 'cause he was kinda a drunk."
"Drunken death threats. The nostalgia has been elevated to a level bordering on sacred."
"Blow me," she snapped back. "I'm trying to tell you a sentimental tidbit from my life that you are so freaking jazzed over knowing every little detail of, and you can't even act like you care?"
"I do care," he argued. "And you have no right to get so defensive after what you have done to me in the past twelve hours."
"I guess you got a point with that one," she grumbled, though she hated to admit it.
"So. Grassoccio is not really a direct translation of my name... Is it?"
"Well, technically it is," she replied hesitantly, wondering if it was appropriate at all to make fun of him at such a time. Not that that had ever stopped her. "I mean, it's a direct translation of the name I call you... Pudge."
He glared at her for a few seconds, then took a deep breath and actually managed to speak calmly. "You know what? That is all the talking I can stand for one morning." He stepped around her to leave the room, but she stopped him to settle her curiosity on one last matter.
"Wait a minute, why aren't you mad at me?" She realized it might sound a little vague, so she clarified just in case. "I mean, I expected you to just avoid me or yell at me or something. I just can't figure out why you're being so... Nice."
"Well that much is simple," he replied, sounding much more reasonable than she would have ever expected. "I do not want you to go." He even gave her another short kiss before he opened the door and stepped out. "Speaking of which, I really do need to get to Tai Lung. We will continue our discussion later, I trust."
"Yeah, sure." She couldn't keep the slightly dazed tone out of her voice; it was just difficult for her to believe that Shifu was taking her departure so well.
She supposed he was just reacting the way a kung fu warrior would, though. Of course he lost his composure when she annoyed him and fought with him, but when it came down to something really important it made sense that he would do everything in his power to "step up," as it were. And she was sure he was worried about Tai Lung and how the kid was taking the news. She had to admit, sometimes she just plain forgot that he was a master of kung fu; a title like that seemed so untouchable, like it was so unlikely that she would meet someone who held it that they may as well not even exist. It occurred to her that Shifu was the kind of man she used to fantasize about as a little girl- the strong warrior type who would come rescue her from her life and whisk her away to some palace high up on a mountain. It was sort of ironic that here she was in a palace on a mountain, complete with warrior ready to whisk her away, so many years after she had stopped wanting that idiotic dream to come true.
It then occurred to her that she was wasting her time pondering completely useless coincidences in her life in the middle of Shifu's room, and that it was a little weird of her to be doing so. She had many more important things to worry about. For instance-
"Tai Lung is gone." Shifu stuck his head through the door and raised his eyebrows at her. "Why are you still in my room?"
"I was soaking in the ambiance," she grumbled, pushing past him and out into the hallway. "So whaddaya mean Tai Lung's gone? You lost him?"
"I did not lose my own son." His eye twitched a bit, but with an irritated grunt he pressed his palm to his eyelid. "He was not in his room, not in the kitchen, not in the training hall-"
"Damn, what'd you do, sprint everywhere?"
He gave her a flat look at the interruption. "Yes. I sprinted everywhere, I was running a marathon."
"Well, did you look up by the peach tree?" She headed down the hall toward her room; her clothes smelled like a combination of liquor and stale rice.
"Why would he be up at the peach tree? He is supposed to be training."
"Hm, yes, and you were supposed to be waiting in the hall for him when the gong rang this morning, yet you were in your room squeezing my ass like a pervert." She paused outside her door when she realized he was ready to walk right in after her, but he didn't seem to notice her hesitancy.
"And you were supposed to be making breakfast for him, yet you were in my room, clearly enjoying everything I chose to do to your behind." He crossed his arms, and it was sort of amusing to see how uppity he was getting. "And what could you possibly need from your room? Is Tai Lung in there?"
"I wanna get changed," she replied, waiting quite pointedly for him to walk away.
"Oh, right, I forgot that you could not possibly help me look for Tai Lung while untidy. Luckily at least one of us has our priorities straight."
If she weren't so annoyed by his criticism, she would think it was cute that he was getting so frantic over Tai Lung's conspicuous absence. It also reminded her of how overprotective he could be, though she supposed a lot of parents with only one child might act the same way. "Relax, Grassoccio. I think I know where the kid is." She was willing to bet good money that he was currently sunning himself atop the barracks roof, maybe even listening to their entire conversation. "And besides, it's not a big deal if he wanders around the grounds on his own. Y'know, where I come from most kids his age would be out on their own all day, working their families' farms. When I was his age I used to walk the five miles into town at sunrise every morning-"
"Enough with the flashbacks to the old country, Grandma," he interrupted, frowning at her. "I understand your point."
She managed not to snap back at him, though she did roll her eyes. "Then I will change my clothes, and I will go talk to him."
"No," he argued immediately. "I will go talk to him. Just tell me where he is."
"No," she argued right back.
"Why not?"
"Because it's his hiding place from you," she reasoned. "I can't blow his cover."
"Tai Lung has a place he uses specifically to hide from me?" He sounded rather abashed at the idea, though she didn't see why.
"Of course he does. Everyone's got a hiding place from their parents when they're growing up, it's only natural. Especially when their parents are neurotic freaks like you are."
"I am not a neurotic freak," he insisted. "There is nothing wrong with worrying about my only child."
"There is when you do so to excess." She was getting annoyed that he wouldn't step aside so she could get into her room without worrying about him following her, so she just grabbed him by the collar and yanked him to the other side of the hallway. "Stay here," she ordered, and ignored his angry glare.
"You cannot hide that room from me forever," he called after her as she managed to slip inside without him seeing anything.
"Now isn't the time," she called back through her door as she began to strip down.
"And I can see your silhouette, by the way," he added, and she could only imagine the way he was blushing at just the idea of a naked woman within ten feet of him.
"Enjoy it while it lasts," she replied. "I really think I should talk to Tai Lung on my own, though, y'know. Last night when I told him I was leaving, he got really upset. And called me a bitch- you'd probably get more of a kick outta that if you weren't pissing your pants right now. But in any case, I'd like to try to smooth things out a little bit with him." She paused and waited for a response, but got none. "You're watching me undress, aren't you?"
"Wha- no! Of course not!" he protested immediately, sounding flustered.
"You're a terrible liar," she huffed as she pulled her pants up, then sidled back out her door as she pulled her shirt on. "There, now you got a better view."
"Oh my- what is wrong with you!" he grumbled, then covered his eyes. "You cannot step outside of the barracks half-naked like that!"
"Whatever," she dismissed, then headed for the door while she tied her belt. "And by the way, this might add to the farting thing in the not getting laid department." She then ran out before he would risk uncovering his eyes, and headed for that tree in the back of the building. Its foliage had thickened somewhat since the last time she'd climbed it, which made going more difficult than she had expected, but she managed to climb to the top without incident. And, as she had expected, Tai Lung was sitting on the roof, sulking. "Hey, how's about a little help?" she called out as she straddled the thin uppermost branch. "You and I both know I can't make it to the roof on my own."
He just turned to face away from her and hunched his shoulders.
"Or I could just shout at you from a tree. I won't feel like an insane person at all." She paused to shimmy a little closer to the roof. "Look, Tai Lung, I just wanna talk to you. I didn't mean to be insensitive last night, and I guess I was a little tipsy. It's just that it was so hard for me to... Y'know... Break the news."
"Right, wouldn't wanna make any of this hard on you," he grumbled over his shoulder.
"What, so you hate me now?" She waited for him to reply, but he just continued sulking. "Well, can't say I entirely blameya. I'm... I am a bitch. You're right." She paused again, hoping he would thaw a little and at least look at her, but no such luck. "Y'see... I really just... Well, I held off on saying something about it for so long 'cause I guess I wasn't so sure about leaving. I wanted to stay, even though I knew I couldn't. And I kept putting it off, telling myself I didn't have enough money to go or that you guys needed me or some excuse. But in the end, I still hafta go." She let out a heavy sigh, as her speech made her realize that she needed to say out loud something she hadn't even been willing to admit to herself. "And sometimes, y'know, we gotta step back and take a good, long look at our lives... And realize that what we want isn't always what's gonna make us happy, in the long run." It hurt to say, but it was the truth. Even if she could stay in the Valley of Peace, she could never be happy there. "I'm sorry."
"No you're not," he grumbled, his tail swishing back and forth miserably. "You don't care about me anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean?" She shimmied a little further up on the branch, but stopped when she felt it start to sink under her weight. "Of course I do, I just... I can't really stick around in China."
"That's not what I meant," he huffed, though he still refused to face her. "You care more about making out with Master Shifu than you ever did about me."
"Oh." She hadn't even noticed that Tai Lung had been feeling that way. "Wait- I mean no. No, I do not care more about Shifu 'an I do about you. But, y'know, it's different when two adults got a romantic kinda relationship. It's more... Touchy-feely."
"Yeah, go touchy-feel yourself," he muttered under his breath.
"Hey!" Lin checked over her shoulder at the joint of the branch, then slid a bit closer. "I didn't complain last night when you started calling me names, but that's enough now."
"You deserve it!" he snapped, and finally turned around to glare at her. "I bet you didn't even realize last night that it was the first time since Master Shifu planted one on you that we got to hang out. I bet you wouldn't have cared even if you did though. All you did was get plastered and tell me life isn't fair."
"Well when you say it like that you make me sound like a huge-"
"Poophead."
She eyed him for a moment, surprised that somehow he'd been able to incorporate the word "plastered" into a vocabulary that also included "poophead." "I guess you could say that."
He turned his back to her again, hunching over. "I just did."
"You fight like an adult, y'know," she pointed out, because she honestly didn't have much to defend herself with. "Like more of an adult 'an your dad does, anyway."
"Go away," he replied. "I don't wanna see you, ever again."
"C'mon, Tai Lung, don't say something like that." She would have tried to get onto the roof, but she doubted the branch would last that long.
"Why not? You don't care if you ever see me again."
If she didn't know any better, she'd think she'd just heard him let out a quiet sniff. "That's not true," she protested gently. "Y'know, the only reason I even stayed here this long is 'cause of you. I woulda quit ages ago otherwise." She didn't think her impassioned plea was getting to him, so she went a bit further- she'd already said tons of stupid things in the past couple of days, so there was no point in keeping any of her sentiments bottled up anymore. "Anyway... If I woulda had a kid, I woulda liked him to turn out like you." "Yeah, right." He was being as stubborn as her and Shifu combined, not that she'd expected any different from him.
"Well... I got nothing left," she admitted. "I was telling the truth, with all that stuff. Anyway... I'll let you have some time to yourself. I'm sure I'm just getting annoying." She attempted to sidle back toward the more stable part of the branch she was perched on, but it creaked and shook ominously. She paused and waited for it to stop, then tried again- and heard a startling cracking noise, followed by the branch lurching beneath her. On instinct she grabbed hold of the branch as tightly as she could, and if her fur wasn't already on end, it would have been by then. "Um... I woulda just exited the conversation gracefully, but... I'm stuck." She attempted to reach the next nearest branch, but chickened out when she heard another crack. "Oh, God. This must be 'cause of all those cookies." She tried for the next branch over again, this time with her leg, but she just couldn't reach. "Are you even seeing this? I'm gonna fall. This is very precarious. To let you know."
"Fine," Tai Lung finally huffed and took a break from his pouting to leap adeptly into the tree, grab her, and carry her to the ground without so much as shaking a single branch. "And don't tell Master Shifu where I am." With that, he returned to his rooftop perch.
Lin reached down and rubbed her ass, which was sore from sitting on the thin branch, and frowned up at the barracks roof. She felt like she was in some sort of alternate universe- she and Tai Lung were fighting (mostly just Tai Lung), while Shifu was getting along quite well with her. At least her propensity for making a bad situation even worse still held true, which was an indicator that she was indeed in the correct universe. "Well. That was humiliating."
Shifu drummed his fingers on the kitchen table as he waited for Lin to get back from... Wherever she'd gone. He could only assume that she'd run off to look for Tai Lung, though he sincerely hoped that she had done so fully dressed. He had basically had no choice but to wait for her, since she was so adamant about speaking to Tai Lung alone. And, since she would inevitably return to the kitchen no matter what, he had sat down in his regular seat and simply... Waited. He wasn't really hungry at the moment- how could he be when he knew that in a mere few days the woman he loved would be leaving him? And yet he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her, because he found himself simply wanting to enjoy what little time he had left. And, yes, he still held out hope that he had a chance of convincing her to stay.
"I knew you'd be in here," Lin commented as she practically burst through the doorway and dropped into her seat next to him.
He waited for her to continue speaking, but apparently that was all she had been planning to say to him. "...And what about Tai Lung?"
"Well, we had a nice pleasant chat," she replied, leaning back in her chair. "During which we surmised that he hates me forever and never wants to see me again."
"Ah. I see." He was not exactly sure what to say next; it was clear that Lin was upset over how angry Tai Lung was with her, but he still wanted to ask after his son. "Well... I am sure he will calm down. I remember plenty of times in my childhood when I hated Master Oogway forever. And Tai Lung has, of course, hated me on more than one occasion. I am sure that once I talk to him-"
"Not happening any time soon," she interrupted. "He's hiding from you."
"...What?" He could hardly believe his ears; Lin was the one Tai Lung was mad at, and yet he found that he was still the one his son avoided. "Is there any particular reason he is avoiding me?"
"No offense," she began, which of course meant that she was going to say something offensive, "but you're not exactly the most comforting person in the world."
"I can certainly comfort my son when the time comes! You act as though I am some sort of emotionally retarded oaf."
"Well..."
"Do not finish that." He rubbed at his temple to combat the pressure that had been building in his skull since Lin's drunken stupor of the previous night. "Why can't you just tell me where he is?"
"'Cause he said, and I quote: 'Don't tell Master Shifu where I am.' That was the last thing he said to me, actually." She reached up and rubbed at her eyes, and for a moment he thought she might have teared up, but upon closer inspection it was clear that she was just tired. "He'll come out of hiding sooner or later, and then you'll be able to talk to him. In the meantime, the kid needs to be alone."
"Well, did he at least speak to you? Did he tell you anything at all revealing?" After all, he was worried, and he wanted to know what was on Tai Lung's mind.
"Apparently he's not just mad at me for leaving." She let out a heavy sigh; whatever Tai Lung had said to her had apparently upset her. "He said... He said I care more about you 'an I do about him. And I haven't spent any time with him, really, since you and I... Y'know..." In lieu of attempting to define their relationship she just waved her hand around in the air in a vague gesture. "I didn't know kids his age even noticed that kinda stuff enough to feel like the third wheel, but there you go."
"Oh." He had to admit, he was also a bit taken aback by how observant and sensitive Tai Lung was. "I hadn't even noticed."
"Me neither." She frowned down at the table and crossed her arms. "I feel like such a horrible person."
"I am just as horrible," he pointed out. "I am the boy's father, after all. I should have seen that something was wrong."
"To be fair, you don't really understand that kinda stuff in general," she reminded him. "I shoulda noticed, I'm the kid's friend, after all."
"So we're both crappy," he concluded, then slumped down in his seat like Lin had been doing. He felt like the worst father in the world; had he really been ignoring his son because of his love life? He hadn't thought so at the time, but looking back he realized that he had been... Well, he'd been much less than attentive. In fact, he'd been downright distracted. He'd spent so much time thinking about Lin and how to talk to her and how to handle whatever fight they'd been in at the moment that he'd barely taken notice of anything else. "No wonder he hates us."
"He didn't say he hates you," she reassured him. "Although, he still could."
"If I am not exactly the most comforting person in the world, then I wonder what we could possibly call you," he huffed. "In moments like this, you have all the warmth and softness of an arctic glacier."
"Piss off," she replied immediately.
He wasn't actually offended by the sentiment- it was just one of her many fallbacks for when she couldn't think up a proper argument.
"And y'know what else?"
"Do I want to know what else?" he asked.
"Screw it," she answered him, completely disregarding his hesitancy. "If I'm tired now, I'm gonna be like the walking dead in the next few days. So now's as good a time as any to tellya... I dunno. All that shit you wanted me to tellya."
Shifu blinked back at her, stunned. "...Really?" He couldn't believe that she'd just volunteered to tell him whatever he wanted to know, with no prompting whatsoever. "This isn't a joke, is it?" He didn't think he would be able to take one of her long, drawn out jokes at his expense.
"Not unless you find my life funny- which I guess it could be, but that ain't the point." She paused to look at him, but he wasn't exactly sure of what to say, so he remained silent and gave her a confused shrug. "So you wanna know why it is that I won't let anyone see my room?" she asked, standing up from her seat.
"Yes," he agreed immediately, and stood up with her in the hopes that he would finally be able to see the mysterious contents of her bedroom.
"And you wanna know how it is a peasant such as myself learned to read and write?" she went on, not budging from where she stood.
"Absolutely." He glanced at the door and back to her, hoping she would get the hint and get to the point.
"I'm sure you've been curious, as well, as to how I've come across scholarly knowledge in various subjects." She did always like to drag things out just to torture him. "And I know you're still wondering how I was able, even with a surge of adrenaline, to throw a table single-handed. Or why the use of my right hand and arm have been unusually important to me."
"Yes," he ground out, becoming impatient with the prospect of finally learning what he'd been waiting for since the day he'd met her.
"This is why you could never have a career in deduction. Each clue does not lead to a separate conclusion. Rather, all the clues lead to a single, all-encompassing explanation- one that you'd have easily discovered on your own if you were even half as observant as you like to think you are." She shot him a smug grin at that. Even after all they'd been through, she still felt the need to constantly test his patience.
"Well, I suppose we can't all be as perfect as you are," he grumbled sarcastically. "Are you ever planning to actually tell me this big secret? Or let me guess, there is no secret, you're actually just a very annoying cook."
She let out a bark of laughter at that. "Follow me."
She then headed out of the kitchen, and Shifu followed in silence, waiting to see if what little patience he had shown would be rewarded. It was.
Lin stopped outside the door of her bedroom, resting one hand on it, ready to open it, when she paused and turned to him. "Now don't get freaked out," she warned.
He blinked, surprised by that. What could possibly be in the room that would "freak him out?" The first thing that came to mind was a pile of dead bodies, but he was fairly sure he knew Lin better than that. "I won't," he promised after careful consideration.
"Okay." She took a deep breath and leaned forward as if to open the door, then stopped again. "I mean it. You might get freaked out by this, but there's a good explanation."
"Just open the door," he snapped; he realized belatedly that losing his patience might cost him the answers he so desperately craved, but she was luckily a bit more forgiving than usual.
"Shifu," she warned once and raised her eyebrows, as if he were a young child.
"Fine, I'm calm," he replied grudgingly. He normally would have argued, but he needed to see what was in that room.
She continued to fix him with a skeptical stare for a few moments, then finally let out a heavy sigh and pushed the door open. She even stepped into the room and beckoned for him to follow.
What awaited him inside, however, was far from what he'd been expecting.
A/N: I know what you're thinking. And yes. Yes I am a sadist. Also, apologies if I butchered Lin's Italian. It's been a few years since I took it, but I'm trying (slowly) to relearn. You may have noticed that this isn't the first time she's spoken Italian- remember "testa di melone," a.k.a. melon head? AND Lin's line about the jimson weed is a quote from Blanche Devereaux- the fic just wouldn't be the same without the Golden Girls references.
As for next time: you'll all find out what's in Lin's room! Of course, Oogway knew this entire time. But he won't rub it in your face or anything. He's cool like that.