The Black Market Baby Scandal
(Chapter Twenty: Sex Talk & Chicken Noodle Soup)
"I like that one," Sarah said with a smile as Olivia stepped out of the dressing room in yet another white dress.
"You have said that about every dress I tried on," Olivia replied with a smile.
"I know, but I really like that one."
Olivia looked in the mirror at the ivory colored strapless gown. She smoothed her hands down the crystal beaded bodice and onto the full skirt and train.
"You think so?" Olivia asked turning to look at her back and shoulders as she held her hair up. "I want something classy and romantic."
"That one," Sarah said nodding her head. "It's beautiful. And you look incredible in it."
"It makes me think, candle light and roses," Maureen agreed.
"Candle light and roses are romantic," Olivia said in a pep talk tone of voice. "You guys don't like the other one better?"
"No. This one is perfect," Kathleen said.
"This is the prettiest one we have seen all day," Elizabeth added.
"Okay then, it's settled. We have found my dress. Now we need dresses for you girls. Any ideas on colors?"
"Pink," Elizabeth said with a smile.
"I think it should be something softer, something that compliments Liv's dress," Maureen said.
"Lets just look at the other dresses and see if there is anything we like before we settle on a color," Olivia suggested.
While they were looking through the racks of dresses, Casey finally arrived to help them decide. They spent the next two hours looking at bridesmaid dresses before they finally found a style that Casey and all of the girls agreed on.
"Now any ideas on a color?" Casey asked looking at Olivia. "It is available in about ten different ones."
"I think I like the pastels," Olivia said looking at the sheet of fabric swatches. "What if we used the pastel pallet and each of you picked out the color of your dress? Any of these colors would go well my dress and they are perfect for a spring wedding."
"So we can pick out the color we want?" Kathleen asked. "That is so cool."
"I call pink," Elizabeth said in excitement.
"Okay, Elizabeth gets pink. We still have green, blue, yellow and purple."
A few minutes later all colors had been assigned. The woman took everyone's measurements and Olivia ordered the dresses. They walked around for a little while longer picking out shoes and accessories for everyone.
Later that evening the girls got together and cooked dinner for the family. After a long discussion of what they actually knew how to cook, they settled on the easiest recipe for guaranteed success, homemade chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
Elliot and Olivia sat in the living room watching the news as the children's voices echoed through the apartment.
"So," Elliot asked reaching for her hand. "Are you ready to be the mother of six kids?"
"Yeah. I love having all of the kids together. I think we blend very well as a family. The kids all get along great and they are so excited about the wedding."
"How did your dress shopping go today?"
"Good. I got my dress."
"Yeah?"
"Yup. It is being fitted. And we ordered the girl's dresses. They should be in in a couple of weeks. We also picked out shoes and hair accessories. Everything seems to be right on track."
"Good. Dickie, Eli and I are meeting Cragen, Munch and Fin for tux fittings on Monday afternoon. We have just about got this all covered."
"I hope so, we only have two months to go."
"I also need to make an appointment to get my examine and more birth control pills or we are going to have to use condoms on our honeymoon."
Elliot laughed.
"Make sure to put that at the top of the to do list."
Olivia laughed.
"Oh, I will," she said leaning in to kiss him.
"Umm…hello?" Elizabeth said clearing her throat.
Elliot and Olivia looked up to see Sarah and Elizabeth standing there watching them.
"Dinner is served," Sarah said with a smile.
That evening Sarah climbed into Olivia's bed with her to watch a little television before going to sleep.
"Hey kid," Olivia said with a smile.
"Hey."
"You know, you guys did a really good job on dinner."
"Thanks. Not bad considering none of us know how to cook. It seems strange at night when they all go back to their moms house. And it is just us and Elliot."
"But it wont be like this for long. In a few more weeks Elliot will be moving in here and we'll be sharing a room. School will be out soon and the kids will be here with us all summer long. That will be fun. And we will have the wedding. And this will start feeling more like a family."
"I guess so," Sarah said laying back in the bed and pulling the blankets up around her. "But once Elliot moves in here things will change, we wont be able to watch TV like this every night before bed anymore, will we?"
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, because I am on his side of the bed."
Olivia smiled.
"There is room in this bed for three people. And if there isn't, we will just get a bigger bed," Olivia laughed. "Sarah honey, nothing is going to change. I mean with us. Everything we do now, we will still do."
"Cool," Sarah replied with a smile. "Hey Liv, can I ask you something?"
"Anything, baby. What's up?"
"What is birth control?"
Olivia looked mortified.
"Where did you hear that?"
Sarah laughed nervously.
"I heard you and Elliot talking about going to see your doctor and get more birth control."
"Have they ever had the talk with you at school?"
"They talked to us about starting your period in like fourth grade. Birth control is for when you have sex, right?"
Olivia pressed her lips together and thought for a minute.
"They didn't talk to you guys about sex?"
"Liv, I go to a private Catholic school. The only thing they say about sex is don't do it."
"You're not going to are you?"
"Eww. No. I just thought I should know about these things so that I understand this stuff when I am ready to….have sex."
Olivia thought nervously for a few minutes unsure of what to say.
"Relax, Liv. I'm not gonna do it for a really long time. Probably until I am at least like twenty. But even if I wait until I am married, I should probably get the talk. That way I know what to expect and how to prepare when I do, do it."
"Yeah, umm, okay. Well," Olivia cleared her throat and stared at her daughter for a minute, "why don't you tell me what you already know. That way I know where to start."
"I know the physical part. You know with the penis and the vagina."
Olivia watched as Sarah made an obviously repulsed face.
"I understand how to do it. I guess I was more wanting to know how to prepare for it."
"Like condoms?" Olivia asked.
"Like….you don't have to tell me how to have sex."
"Okay, you understand how it is done, right?"
"Yes."
"What if you just asked me any questions you have and I will do my best to answer them. Maybe that is the best way to navigate this conversation. To answer your first question. Birth control, is something that you take or do to prevent getting pregnant when you have sex."
"So, you and Elliot don't want to have a baby?"
"We have not really talked about it. But not right away, no. So I will go to my doctor and they will do a woman's examine and they will write me a prescription for birth control pills."
"And you take them before you have sex?"
"No. You take a pill every day. Kind of like a vitamin. And if you forget to take one or run out of pills and you do have sex, you are not protected against pregnancy."
"So if someone is taking birth control pills….it is because they are having sex and don't want to get pregnant? Cause my friend at my old school, her older sister took them. And she was only fifteen. That is not old enough to have sex, is it?"
"No, it isn't. But sometimes a doctor will prescribe the pills for other reasons. Some girls have trouble with their periods and the hormones in the pills can help with that, too. But you have to see a doctor to get them. Sarah, the law says that you cannot legally have sex until you are seventeen."
"If you do, can you go to jail?"
"No. But the person you have sex with can if they are older than seventeen. Honey, it is like that because before that point your body is not ready for sex. Your body is still developing and it isn't completely an adult body on the inside. But just because you are old enough by law doesn't mean that you are ready emotionally for it either. There are a lot of responsibilities that come with having sex. You also have to thing about preventing diseases like HIV and many others, not just getting pregnant. Birth control pills can help prevent pregnancy, but they wont prevent diseases. But using a condom every time can help to prevent both. And once you are sexually active you should always carry them with you and make sure that if you do have sex, you use them. With any kind of sexual contact." Sarah gave Olivia a worried look. "Honey, only you will know when you are ready to have sex."
"So how do you know when you are ready?"
"I don't know how to explain it. But you will know. When you meet a guy that you love and he loves you, you will know."
"Does it hurt to have sex?"
"Usually at first it does. But after a few times it doesn't hurt anymore."
"How old were you when you had sex?"
Olivia gulped and as badly as she wanted to say thirty, she couldn't bring herself to lie to her daughter.
"The first time, I was fourteen."
"But that is not old enough."
"You're right. It isn't and I wasn't ready. I thought I was and I was with a guy who was older than I was and he really pressured me to have sex with him. I liked him and I wanted him to love me, so I did it."
"But you didn't stay together?"
"No. After I had sex with him, he broke up with me anyway. I was heart broken and I cried for days."
"I'm sorry."
"But then I found a good guy. I found Elliot and I love him and he loves me."
"And you wish you would have waited until you found him?"
"Well, I would wish that," she said as she tucked Sarah's hair behind her ear. "but if I had waited for Elliot, I would have never had you. Honey, I was in no way prepared to be a mother when I found out I was pregnant with you. I was scared and alone. I couldn't give you the family I wanted for you. But I loved you more than anything in the world. And there was never a second that I ever regretted having you or didn't want to be with you. Sarah, I never would have given you up."
Sarah smiled as she stared into Olivia's eyes.
"I know that."
"Good. And you know that no matter what happens or what you do, you can always talk to me. Or ask me any questions about anything. I want us to be able to talk about things. I know as you grow up a lot of things happen in your life that it may be hard to talk to your mother about, but I want us to be able to get past that and be able to talk about anything. I'm here for you, sweetheart. And even when you think I could never understand, I promise that I will listen and I will try. Is there anything else you would like to talk about?"
"Actually, there is. There is something I have been thinking about for a long time now. And I have tried to just ignore it, but I can't."
"What baby?"
"Liv, I really want to meet my father. Not Elliot, but my real one. I have been thinking about him for a long time," she said as she started to tear up. "Since I first came to live with you. But I didn't want to hurt Elliot. And I didn't want to upset you. I love you guys and you are my parents. Nothing will ever change that, it is just something that I need to do. Please don't be mad."
Olivia stared into her eyes as she tried to wipe away her tears.
"Baby, I'm not mad." Olivia sad pulling her daughter into her arms and hugging her tight. She combed her fingers through Sarah's hair and kissed the top of her head.
"I don't want to hurt Elliot. Please don't tell him."
"Sarah, honey, Elliot is not going to be hurt or upset by this. He loves you so much and I think he will understand. But if we keep it a secret from him then he might feel hurt. Sweetheart, you can talk to us both. You don't have to keep secrets from us."
"You think I should tell him?"
"I do."
"Okay, I will. But can you help me find my father?"
"Sarah, when I got pregnant with you….your father was married to someone else."
"Did he know about me?"
"Yes."
"Did he ever see me?"
"No."
"He made it clear that I was on my own with a baby. He was never a part of our lives."
"He didn't want me?"
"Baby, he didn't want me. He had another family. A wife and children. And I was young and foolish enough to believe him when he said that he loved me."
"And he used you for sex? Just like that other guy when you were fourteen."
"You are so smart. Yes. And after I realized I was pregnant with you, he didn't want anything to do with me. I really don't think it had anything to do with you at all. I think he realized that if I was with him and had a baby, he wouldn't be able to lie to his wife anymore."
"So you went off on your own and had me. And that woman stole me from you when I was born and told you that I died."
"Yes."
"Olivia, I know he hurt you. And I know that he probably doesn't want anything at all to do with me. But that is okay, because I don't need him. I already have a father, a good one. But if it is alright with you, I would still like to try to meet him. Just so that I know who he is and I know that at least once in his life, he thought about me."
"If this is really what you want, then I will do everything that I can to try and find him for you. I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Sarah laid her head against Olivia's chest and could hear her heartbeat. "Liv?"
"Yeah, sweetheart?"
"If it is alright with you….can I call you mom?"
Olivia closed her eyes as she felt tears stream down her cheeks. She kissed the top of Sarah's head and smiled.
"I would like that very much."
"Really?" Sarah asked looking up to see her tears.
"Yeah baby," Olivia laughed as Sarah brushed away her tears and smiled.
"You know, I am here now. And I never want to be away from you again. I want to meet him. But I don't really want him in my life. I don't want to visit him and I don't want him to be my father. I just want him to know that I am okay and that I am happy. Here. With my mother. And my real family. And I didn't mean to make you cry."
"I'm just sentimental, I guess. Most mothers get to hear their child call them momma or mommy when they are just little babies. But you and I never got those moments together when you were little. When you came here, Sarah, I didn't want to make you feel like I was trying to replace the mother who raised you. You love them very much and that is okay. They took very good care of you. So I was okay with you calling me, Liv."
"But you're not replacing her. I guess I was just lucky enough to have two sets of parents who love me. I have two mothers and two fathers. And I love them all. I'm a pretty lucky kid," she said with a smile.
Olivia laughed.
"And I'm a pretty lucky mom, to have such a great kid. Six great kids," she said as she nestled herself into her pillow and turned out the light. "You don't have school tomorrow. You can sleep in here with me if you want to."
"You don't mind?"
"Not at all. I kind of like our mother daughter moments like this."
Sarah laughed.
"So do I, mom." She smiled a big smile as she snuggled into the blankets on the bed and closed her eyes.