Tickertape

Chapter 2 Vacillation and Vengeful Venom

It had been a week, and not a word from him. It wasn't as if he didn't go to school, because he always did. But for the entire week, I didn't hear a word from him. I knew he was there; stood outside my kitchen window, sat on my front porch, but he never rung the doorbell. I tried to drive to his house, but when I did, no one answered the door. Come the beginning of term I was beginning to worry, that he had left... had he? But as I walked into Bio that morning, I had never been so relieved. He was sat there, brooding as usual, but something that was not usual was where he sat. Instead of sitting on our desk in the far right, he had moved to the far left. I was taken a back at first. As I walked towards the back of the class room, I had to decide: Sit next to him? Or Take my usual place? I scowled at him scornfully as I took my usual place, slamming my bag onto his seat and withdrawing my notepad.

The lesson rattled on, as did the next few days as he still refused to talk to me. Every day, he just stood, and stared, deflected every attempt I made at conversation. I was definitely beginning to panic. I was back at step one. Either that or he was about to leave me... again. As the second week tolled, I was at melt down point. Anxiety was over ruled by anger and I charged towards him that morning, my furious feet dragging me across the parking lot, well, as fast as they could. I was weak, my limbs were thin and bony, I had large bags beneath my bloodshot eyes and my skin was pasty and sickly.

He was stood beside his car as I approached, his arms folded casually across his chest, his hair in its usual disarray.

"What is your issue?" I demanded, crossing my arms in imitation of him, and stamping my foot in a child like manner, almost toppling over in the process.

He gazed calmly over my head at the other students, a mild expression on his face.

"Hey!" I raised my voice. "I'm talking to you." I shoved both my hands into the chest, a futile attempt to convey my anger as he didn't move and inch, my hands hitting the stone chest painfully. He turned his gaze on me, and I stumble backward at what I saw. Fir; burning and consuming, raging and destroying his mind; it whipped up that casual expression but still singed the eyes and grim line of the mouth, devouring the smile that refused to show and the eyes that so often closed to hide the inferno that torched his conscious mind with an ungodly fire.

"Bella." His voice was cut and sharp like glass. The tortured sound was like nails being dragged across a chalk board.

"Edward..." I fell towards him, by arms wrapping around the statue form of his body as I sobbed into his chest for a completely irrational reason that even I did not understand. But as I pressed my body harder against his is an attempt to fix what I had done, I then remembered the reason I had taken to wearing oversized shirts to school.

I jumped backwards, fighting the need to rest my hands on the swollen bump hidden beneath my shirt, because as I had planned, I had fallen pregnant. I could feel her growing every day, my Renesmee. I had no doubt it was her. Me and him, we were only ever meant to have one child, and that was her. The pregnancy was as bad as the last. I needed human blood, but had no way of getting it. I needed to tell him... but I couldn't...

Judging by my size, I had around fourteen weeks left, and that was hardly any time to say it was a pregnancy. And I knew I had to tell him sometime, just I could never bring myself too, that and the fact he wasn't talking to me much anymore. What was I planning to do, deliver this baby on my own? She'd kill me... and that'd kill him... and it was my selfish fault...

"I'm so sorry," I blurted out, shuffling my feet awkwardly, watching them shift the gravel around as an excuse to not looking into the blaze that threatened to consume me as well, though I could still feel it beginning to burn my own eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He words were clear and definite as he stared into me, his expression hard as stone and as mechanical as any robot.

"But it was all my-"

"No, Bella." He spoke through gritted teeth, his hands fallen to his side and his fists clenched, the bones of his knuckles strained again the stony flesh. "It is not your fault. It all mine. The weakness is mine, Bella. I can feel it. Hell is burning me from the inside out. And every time I look at you, it's nothing but guilt!" He spat, reaching his hands up to his face to hide his eyes as he turned his head away from me, clawing his fingers across his forehead.

"But... Nothing happened, I'm safe, Edward... I'm here..." I reached my hand up to pull his hand from his face.

"But... what if, Bella? What if I had killed you? I would not be able to stand myself. Selfish, selfish, selfish!" He cursed clenching fistfuls of hair, and I gripped the one I had even tighter. "I would hate my reflection more and more and..." He trailed off, pausing in a deep thought. "And... that is why we..."

Can't be together, I finished in my head. I wave of panic hit me as my breath quickened and my eyes widened as my mind raced for an escape, scars splitting in my chest.

I cut him off quickly. "Stop blaming yourself Edward. We can't be torn apart by this, it's stupid."

"Stupid that I want you alive?" His voice was dry and distraught as he turned his black eyes on me.

"No Edward," I reached both my hands up to cup his face, dragging my thumbs along the dark circles beneath his eyes, calming the flames that licked his irises, scorching them to black. "I love you, and I want nothing more than to be with you for eternity." I pressed y lips to his, but no smile tugged on them, so I relented, but never relinquished my hold on his arm for that whole day and night. He was running nowhere.

"Good morning!" Alice chirped as I opened the door to her the following morning. My huge knitted jumper I had dragged over my large shirt hid my feature brilliantly. She thrust a heavy clothing parcel into my hands, grinning. Expecting this, I had dragged the long sleeves over my hands to cover them ready for the paper to be shoved towards my delicate skin. She had taken to insisting on dressing me, but I never wore the clothes she brought. I felt terrible, but none of them would fit me.

"Thanks, Alice," I grimaced, glancing behind her for Edward. He had left last night. I didn't know what time he had left, nor why, I just hoped he was still here. I had fallen asleep; he'd obviously slipped from my grasp. I was just go tired these days, I couldn't attach myself to him 24/7, but that fact still did not calm the panic that shook my hand and stumbled my steps.

"Do you know where Edward is?" I asked her, leading her into the kitchen where I tossed her present onto the kitchen counter, her eyes followed it with disappointment as I reached for a bowl, cereal on the menu this morning.

"No." Her answer was curt, and was blatantly a lie.

"Seriously, Alice; where is he?" I demanded, settling down to the table, cardboard meal set in front of me.

"All I know is that he and Carlisle were having a conversation. One I didn't hear too clearly. Edward was very upset about something, and of course, Carlisle was calming him down." She shrugged, lifting herself to sit on the kitchen side, examining her nails.

Alice continued to talk, but I had drifted. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat; he could know about Renesmee, could he?

"It's going to be brilliant when you're one of us." She continued, glaring at the discarded package. "You'll be even prettier, and you'll be fast, and strong. You'll have all eternity to do everything you've always want to!" She smiled down at me, her mind undoubtedly skimming that vision she still held; and it would happen, eventually; but not just yet.

She continued to talk, and I continued to listen, "umming" and "arring" where required, but as the sun dragged the blue of the sky below the land, she finally said goodbye, and I was left alone, still with not Edward.

I pulled my blankets tightly over my head as I sat in the warm dark, singing softly, rubbing circles across my abdomen, but my mind was troubled. I needed to tell him, I just didn't know when.

"I don't know what to do, Renesmee..." I sighed into the shadows.

"To do about what?" The voice came so suddenly that I leapt from my bed in panic... well, at least I tried to. I became tangled in the covers, only wrapping them tighter in my struggles until I was left immobilised to the sound of soft laughter.

"Calm down Bella, it's me." Edward chuckled, carefully unwrapping the bed cover before lying down beside me on the ruffled bed. I drew to covers around my body as my eyes strained in the dark to even see the pale outlines of his face.

"I've been thinking about a lot recently..." He began, lacing his fingers with mine. I took a sharp intake of breath, wrapping my spare arm about my chest. "And I think it's time you joined my family, properly." His statement was business like, but I could hear the underlying emotion bubbling to the surface.

The last time (if that's the right term) he proposed, it had been a similar business... not exactly, but Edward never changed. I was still excited though, even though, for me, I was marrying the second time. I suppose you're wondering why I don't just tell him that I had this "dream"? Well, the first time you went to your boyfriend's house, and met his family for the first time, would you turn around and say that you have experienced a whole other life with him? One where you were married and had a child? I know that these people aren't exactly normal, but even that would be classed as insanity.

But back to the present, and his proposal.

"Yes!" I screamed, almost a cheer as I threw my arms around him, carefully angling my body.

"But are you certain?" He asked hugging me back gently.

"I am absolutely certain!" I squealed.

"There's a lot to take into consideration, Charlie especially." He reasoned, pulling back to look at my face.

"It'll work, he'll be fine with it, I know him."

He looked doubtful, but nodding his head, he let a grin split his face as he hugged me again, planting a small kiss on my lips.

"I'll pick you up in the morning, as we can get the wheels turning." He kissed me one last time before departing, allowing me to sleep. Tomorrow will be a good day.