Title: Darkness - Chapter 3

Characters/Pairings: Connor/Abby-ish, Becker, Danny, Lester, Sarah

Disclaimer: Primeval and it's characters belong to Impossible Pictures, no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Massive thanks go out to Alyse, who puts up with me sending her unfinished fic constantly :) Thank you! And thanks for reading and reviewing guys, I love getting feedback. :)

After being told the news that Connor was suffering from amnesia, Abby had felt her whole world crumble around her. He'd only been back at the flat for a month after their return from the Cretaceous; what would happen now? Would he go back home with her? Would he ever remember who she was? So many questions flew through Abby's mind that she felt overwhelmed; she hadn't cried so much in years.

She was desperate to see Connor; she couldn't stop thinking about him, wondering if maybe little parts of his memory might be returning and she wouldn't be there to see it. She was relieved when they finally removed the drip from her arm which was providing her with blood, and her breathing improved so that she could be taken off the oxygen. She was being moved from intensive care today to a medical ward - a medical ward which was on the same floor as Connor's. She was both excited and nervous at the prospect.

She'd received regular visits from Danny, Becker and Sarah; even Lester had ventured to her bedside on one occasion, bringing her a bag of grapes. She hadn't the heart to tell him she didn't like them. They'd all given her regular updates on Connor. The news was becoming increasingly worrying - Connor had stopped speaking, hadn't uttered a word to anyone in two days - and Abby was afraid of what she might find when she finally got to see him. Sarah said that the nurses had told them he was having terrible nightmares too. Abby could relate to that - she'd had a few bad dreams of her own since their experience at the warehouse.

In her dreams, Abby was always frozen - unable to move or speak as Connor was wrenched away from her. Then she would see him lying on the floor unconscious and there was nothing she could do to help him, just watch as he vanished in front of her eyes. She wondered if maybe it was her memories from that day - all jumbled up and confused. Although she'd tried and tried to think back, Abby was unable to remember anything after receiving the call from the research facility. If not remembering being shot scared her, how on earth did poor Connor feel? Abby surmised that he must be terrified.

It wasn't long before Abby settled into her new room. She was a little more comfortable here; nurses and doctors didn't come in and disturb her as often as they had done upstairs. But as visiting time drew nearer, Abby felt herself becoming more and more anxious. She couldn't quite explain it; she'd spent the last three days longing to see Connor and now that she was going to, the thought of it made her feel sick. She tried to busy herself by reading magazines and doing the exercises with her bad arm that her physiotherapist had shown her, but she still felt that niggle of worry in the back of her mind.

Two hours later, Danny's head appeared in the doorway, and he grinned sheepishly before making his way into the room with a wheelchair.

"How ya doin'?" he asked.

"Fine, better thanks."

She took a deep breath, pushed the covers off and swung her legs off the bed.

"You sure you're ready for this? I can come back tomorrow."

"No," she said, shaking her head firmly. "I need to see him, even if he has no idea who I am."

Danny nodded and put the brakes on the wheelchair before moving round to Abby's side and helping her up with her good arm. Once she was seated comfortably, he placed one of the blankets from her bed over her knees and then they were off.

Abby's anxiety grew the closer they got to Connor's room; she held on to the arm of the chair tightly to stop her hand from shaking. They stopped at a closed door - room twenty-three - and Danny opened it slowly. Connor lay there facing them; he looked them up and down for a moment, seeming to focus on Abby. His face was sunken and he had huge dark circles under his eyes; Abby had never seen him look so bad - exhausted and totally drained of colour - not even during their time stuck in the past. He closed his eyes tight and turned away, and Abby had to take deep breaths to calm herself and prevent a sob escaping her lips.

She felt Danny's hand rest on her good shoulder, and he squeezed it gently. She looked back at him and smiled, hoping the moisture in her eyes wasn't enough to betray her emotions.

"You sure you're ok?" he asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Can you just . . . give us a minute?"

He looked at her for a moment, as if considering whether he should leave her or not, and then nodded. He bent down and kissed the top of her head softly, before turning and heading out of the room, the door closing with a soft click.

Abby stood up from the wheelchair - somewhat shakily - and walked over to the bed, sitting herself down in the much more comfortable armchair by Connor's side. She wasn't sure what to say or do; maybe she should just sit here in silence for a while, give him a chance to get used to her presence. When after five minutes, he still hadn't said anything or even turned back to see if she was still there, she decided to speak.

"Hi, Connor," she said softly. "I know you don't remember me, but I'm your friend - Abby."

He shifted in the bed, and for a moment Abby thought that he was going to turn around, but he didn't and so she continued.

"You really don't remember anything? Not Rex, or Sid and Nancy? Not even . . . Cutter?" She took a deep breath and wiped away a stray tear before continuing. "Rex is a Coelurosauravus, and Sid and Nancy are Diictodons - they're our pets."

She thought she heard him make a sound, the kind of huffing sound she'd often heard Connor make when he didn't believe something to be true. Abby found herself smiling just a little, despite the situation.

"I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true, it's all true. Just look at me, Connor, please! You don't have to talk to me but at least look at me," she begged.

When he still didn't turn to look at her, she almost gave in and left, but somewhere deep inside her she knew that she had to keep going - keep talking - or he could be lost to them forever. She told him about how they'd met, how they'd ended up sharing a flat. She talked to him about the others, how they'd joined the team when they'd lost Stephen, and then Cutter. Abby talked to him until she had exhausted herself and when Danny came back into the room, she let him help her back into the wheelchair and take her to her bed. As she fell asleep that night, Abby realised that there would be no quick fixes for Connor's condition. Things would probably get worse before they got better but she had to keep trying, for her own sake as much as for Connor's.

Two days later, Abby was discharged from hospital. Being home on her own in the flat was difficult, not just because she missed Connor, but because doing things with one hand was extremely difficult. She wouldn't let it beat her though and found her way round most things. They moved Connor to a psychiatric ward and she visited him every night - twice at weekends. Abby knew that the others were going too, but she also knew that her bond with Connor had been much stronger than theirs and so it was important that she saw him as often as possible.

It had been two weeks since the explosion and Connor was remembering things in his dreams at least, even if he didn't when he was awake. As she sat by his bedside, he would call out in his sleep - mostly her name, sometimes Cutter's. She often wondered if maybe he had actually started to remember, but there was no way to tell unless he spoke to them. Then one day while she was sitting with him, she finally got her wish. The words that spilled from his mouth however, were not at all what she'd wanted to hear. Abby was telling him about one of their missions - she often did - when he turned suddenly and looked her right in the eye.

"Leave me alone!" he said, his voice sounding hoarse from lack of use.

She stared back at him in shock; it was a reaction at least, even if it wasn't a good one.

"Connor I . . ."

"No! Every day you come in here with your little 'stories' and I cant stand it anymore!" he snarled.

Abby felt her lip begin to quiver and she fought desperately to hold back her tears. This wasn't the Connor she knew; he would never speak to her like that - or anyone else for that matter. Connor was sweet, and a little shy; he never had a bad word to say to anyone. He continued to glare at her for a moment, but then his face softened a little.

"Look, I just can't handle you being here, ok? It makes my chest ache and my throat hurt and I have no idea why. I just want you to go . . . please."

She nodded and sniffed, feeling her heart shatter into a million pieces.

"O. . .ok," she stammered, standing from the chair. "If that's what you want, I'll go . . . I . . . I'll go."

Abby turned and fled from the room, heading for the lifts as fast as her legs would carry her. She pressed the button several times in her haste to get away. When the lift finally arrived, she was relieved to find it empty and stepped inside, pressing the button for the ground floor. Once the doors pinged closed, Abby sank to her knees and cried. It felt like the world had ended, like she'd lost her best friend for good. He'd been such a stable presence in her life for the last four years; what would she do without him?

It took her about a minute to realise that she was acting completely irrationally and needed to get a grip. This was Connor - her best friend - and probably the most important person in her life right now. She couldn't just give up on him and walk away because things were getting a little too tough. He would never give up on her; she knew this from past experience. Abby pulled herself together and decided as the lifts opened and she walked out into the hospital reception, that she would give Connor his space - for now. But she would be back again tomorrow night whether he liked it or not. Everyone had been tiptoeing around him for the last two weeks, but Connor Temple needed to face what happened to him.

The next day, Abby had had more time to think. She went to talk to Connor's doctor - taking Danny for moral support. There was nothing physically wrong with Connor; he needed to come home. Maybe a little familiarity would help to speed along his recovery. After getting the go-ahead from the medical staff, there was just Connor left to convince and Abby didn't think that was going to be easy. She took a deep breath before entering his room as though preparing to do battle - maybe that was what it would turn into.

"Connor?" she said as she made her way over to his bed. "Conn, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I've come to ask you something."

He turned to look at her, a pained expression crossing his features before he opened his mouth to speak. "Look, I erm, I'm sorry about yesterday. I got a bit carried away I think. I didn't mean to upset you."

Abby breathed a sigh of relief and swallowed down a lump in her throat. There was still the not-so-small matter of convincing him to come home however. A home that he wouldn't recognise; full of animals which had been extinct for millions of years. How would he react to that? "That's ok, I understand."

"I was worried that you wouldn't come back."

She gave a sad smile; if he could remember who she was, he'd know that she would never give up on him - never. "Of course I came back, Connor. You're my friend."

"Yeah, I suppose you must be."

Abby moved forward and took his hand, giving it a squeeze. He looked at her in surprise and then cried out, closing his eyes.

"What is it, Connor? What's wrong?"

"It hurts."

"What does?" Abby was torn between staying by his side as his hand grasped at hers and going to get help.

Connor opened his eyes and took several deep breaths before looking at her. There was that pained expression again; it broke her heart.

"When I see . . . it hurts. I can't, it's too hard."

"What is, Conn? What hurts? What's too hard?"

"You! I see you, and you're hurt. There's so much blood and I can't help you; you're going to die."

"It's ok," she soothed, using her free hand to stroke his hair. "I didn't die, Conn. I'm here, it's ok."

"I don't understand why I feel like this. I don't know why it is that when I see you, I can't seem to focus on anything. It scares me."

Abby knew why it was that Connor felt that way. She thought she knew - deep down. But she couldn't stand there and tell Connor that he had feelings for her, that he'd once told her he loved her, could she? He should already know these things, be able to remember for himself. It wasn't fair that she had to remind him of things that were supposed to be so private. She perched herself on his bed, pulling from his grasp and looking down at her hands.

"Connor, I came today to ask you something. I want you to come home with me - back to our flat. I know that it might be difficult for a while and I know that you might not want to. But I think that you need to surround yourself with all your things. Maybe it'll jog your memory or something."

She could almost see the moment that his barriers went back up. He seemed to withdraw into himself and shook his head.

"I don't think I can. I don't think I'm ready." He sounded terrified and Abby felt her heart break all over again.

"Listen," she began, reaching for his hand. He pulled away, but she didn't give in, reaching across him further to grab it and hold on with both hands. "The longer you stay here, the harder it will be - the longer it'll take to remember."

He asked the question that Abby feared the most. "What if I never remember?"

She shook her head, unwilling to believe that he'd never retrieve his memories; it was just unacceptable. "You're already sort of remembering the day of the explosion," she offered. "That's a start, right?"

"So that's what happened then? Your shoulder, you were shot?"

"Yes! Yes, Connor. Someone shot me and I lost a lot of blood."

"And afterwards, how did we get out? Why couldn't I help you? Why in my dreams do I just leave you to die?"

Abby watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. She desperately wanted to make things better for him - to know all the answers that would make him better. But she knew better than most that there were no easy ways out of these kinds of situations. Sometimes you just had to ride out the bad and hope to God that some good would come along eventually. "I don't know why you couldn't help me, Connor - I was unconscious at the time. I do know that you were injured and that Becker got us both out."

"Becker? He's the soldier guy yeah?"

"Yeah." She sniffed, realising that she too was crying.

"And the tall gangly older bloke - that's Danny?"

"Yeah. And Sarah . . . "

"The other woman with the dark hair. I feel like I'm just getting to know all these people, but you tell me that I've known them for years. It's all so . . . overwhelming."

"You've known Sarah, Danny and Becker for just over a year. You've known me - and Lester - for about four years now. I know it's a lot to deal with, Conn, but you'll be ok, I know you will. You have to be."

An awkward silence stretched out between them; filled only with Abby's intermittent sniffs as she tried to calm herself. She was beginning to think it was a lost cause. Maybe Connor was right; maybe it was too soon. The thing was, despite trying not to, Abby had grown used to the idea that she would be taking Connor home. She'd found herself imagining what it would be like to finally have him back in the flat - to return to some kind of normalcy - whatever that was.

"Ok," Connor said eventually. "Ok, I'll come back with you but I want you to promise something. If it doesn't work out - if I can't remember and I don't like it - you have to let me go back to my Mum's."

Abby thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, ok, but you have to promise me that you'll really try and that you won't give in too easily."

"It's a deal," he replied.

A broad grin covered his face and Abby couldn't hide the sob that escaped her body. A glimpse of that beautiful smile - even for a second - was enough to make her day. It felt like a lifetime had passed since she'd seen him smile.

"Well, the doctor says that you can go home as soon as you're ready. I can bring you some fresh clothes in when I come by tomorrow if you like."

Abby frowned when he shook his head in response.

"I'd rather just go now and get it over with to be honest. I can get a shower and change my clothes there yeah?"

"Umm, yeah, yeah I suppose." She was shocked by his wanting to go home. Abby had thought this was going to be far more difficult.

He moved a little closer to her and his voice lowered to a whisper. "It gets a little scary here at night," he explained. "People shout - sometimes scream - you have to worry what it is they're doing to them don't you?" He smiled, but it was obvious that he was deadly serious.

Abby chuckled and shook her head at him. It was so nice to glimpse the old Connor, to know that he was still in there despite his memory loss. There were so many questions she wanted to ask him, such as what was the last thing he could remember? All this talk of his mum had the others worried that maybe he'd regressed to his teens. Abby had disagreed though; she knew Connor well. Well enough to know that he had always been a mummy's boy. She could ask him though and know for sure once they were home. Home - it sounded good right about now - home with Connor. She pushed thoughts of how difficult it might be to the back of her mind as she moved away and got out his black hold-all to begin packing his things. Yes, once they were home things would be better. They had to be.