I told you the chapters would be posted simultaneously. I have no plan for this story. Actually, to be truthful I have no plan for any of my stories. Which is a bit stupid, isn't it? One question I would like to ask, though, is whether Bella and Edward should eventually get together? One thing for sure, this isn't a Jacob and Bella story because I don't like Jacob. At all. No offense to those who do. This chapter goes back to the morning before Edward has told Bella that he's leaving. There's going to be a lot of time changes in this story and the POV's are mainly Edward and Bella's for this story.
Edward POV
I had finally come to my senses. My beautiful, lovely Bella did not deserve to live with a soulless monster like me. She didn't belong with us. We were dangerous creatures, and she wasn't strong enough for us not to hurt her. She was so fragile.
I had told her so many times that I had loved her, and always would. And now I was doing what I should have done, so long ago. Because I truly loved her, I was leaving; I was making sure she didn't ever get that close to getting hurt.
I had made up my mind. I was going to leave her. It was the only thing that could protect her from me. Then, she would be free to find happiness, true love, with somebody who deserved her. She would soon forget me, and move on with her life. Even before I had left her, even before I had told her that I was to leave her, the pain was indescribable.
Merely the thought of leaving her, epitome of trouble, on her own caused a pit to form in my stomach. Would she be safe? Knowing her, she would probably not be, but I was sure that she would find her prince in shining armour to save her. I only hoped that that day came soon.
Yet there was another, evil part of me that wished that no such thing would happen. I had wanted that she be only mine. But I was leaving, and it wouldn't be fair to think such thoughts. I wanted her to forget, did I not?
Every time the thought of even staying here, to protect her was driven away by the images of that night. It was horrible… and it was my entire fault. I had been so selfish, this past year. Who was I to deserve someone as caring and wonderful as Bella?
Even so, before Bella my life was nothing. Just places and people who I didn't care about. It was colourless and emotionless. Everything I did was without passion. Then Bella came, and everywhere I looked, there was colour. Happiness seeped out of every corner of my dark life. There was light and for once, everything looked so… wonderful.
For once, the things I did were done out of passion. Playing the piano wasn't something I did to keep Esme happy. It was something I did because I wanted to. I didn't go to school to keep up a charade but it was to meet Bella, to experience her, and be with her.
I was so, so, so unbelievably greedy. I had risked her life, so that I could be happy. I had truly believed that my love for her could defeat anything. But when it was my own brother? I thought back to Bella's birthday, it was horrible. And I was to blame. She was almost attacked, on her own birthday no less.
Alice was taking the news badly. I could still here her accusing thoughts. She thought I was being selfish by leaving! I tried to understand what she was thinking, but it made no sense. Her thoughts were going a million miles per hour and I had no hope of catching up.
Jasper was taking it particularly hard as well. He hadn't spoken to anyone since the incident. I knew why, I could read his thoughts. It was because of the emotions. Everyone was feeling hurt, except Rosalie, especially me and that alone was pushing him over the edge. Then there was his own shame, as well as anger. I knew his ability to sense emotions were giving him trouble, I of course wasn't helping.
I had already decided that as soon as we were gone from this place that I would live far away from my family. Not only because of Jasper, but because I was ashamed. I was ashamed that something like this had happened. And now I was forcing them away from the only human they had loved.
Bella was many things to us. She was a daughter, a little sister, a best friend. They had each lost one of these things and I was to blame. I was worthless, I was an absolute idiot. I was a monster, that didn't deserve
I knew Esme and Carlisle were hurt as well. They were both losing a daughter and it hurt. I was hurting everybody these days it seemed. I could only imagine how Bella would feel. It was fortunate, though, that she was human. She wouldn't remember.
The same however could not be said for me. I had to go through eternity without her.
Why does it rain down on Utopia?
However, my eternity, thankfully, would end at the same time as hers. How was I to live without my everything? Granted, I wasn't actually with her, but at least she was alive. In this world, if I truly wished I could see her again. Even if I knew, it was wrong.
I went downstairs; I had to face my family soon anyway. I immediately looked over to Alice, in all of this mess she was the only one angry.
I met her glance, and heard her thoughts. Her face was stony, her eyes tortured, her mind screamed at me and all I could do was stare back with an equally tortured glance.
I wanted to collapse; I wished this day had never come. Why had it come? I turned to Esme and her eyes were filled to the brim with tears that could never be shed. I wanted to disappear into the dark hole that my existence had become and never see the accusing and heartbreaking eyes of my loved ones.
Since when had I been capable of doing so much damage? Did they hate me? Could they ever forgive me for moving them to another place?
How had I ever made this decision?
Today, only I would go to school. I wished for a clean break, it would easier to heal for her. I just hoped I could make it through the day without telling Bella how sorry I truly was, how much I loved her and how I wished things could be different.
But I couldn't, how on Earth would I explain to her this whole mess. I could almost imagine her telling me that it didn't matter to her. How would I be able to resist. No, I had to be strong. I had to let her move on…
It's finished! Told ya the chapters would come straight after each other. That line about Utopia came from one of Within Temptation's songs. They're a cool bad, check them out! I have a feeling this chapter isn't as good as the first, the first was raw and based off emotions I was already feeling, this one… not so much. Please review! AND FOR GOD SAKE FLAME ME! On that pleasant note, have a nice day .