Chapter 11: Off To The Races
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Note: The shopping center battle in which everyone gets cursed will probably be expanded later. It really feels like it ought to be epic, stretching across half the city.
Much of the fun of writing a fic like this is figuring out what happens when some part of the canon is erased/forestalled by a forward-looking Ranma. He is no longer subject to so many surprises, and at this point a lot of the things that drove the manga no longer apply.
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The next morning Ranma felt almost dead on his feet. Akane had to keep poking him awake in class.
By lunch he was perking up, courtesy of some energy drinks. Ukyo was making her trademark okonomiyaki specials; students from all over the school were crowding into the class for them.
"So how are you holding up, Ucchan?" he asked when she had a free moment.
"Great!" she said cheerily. "Why?"
"Your curse," Akane said. "Doesn't it bother you?"
"Actually, you know... no, it hasn't."
They blinked at that. "It hasn't?"
"I never really thought about it before, but I never really had contact with cold water most of the day before. Outside of a bathroom, that is. And even then I was just washing my hands, or got right in the tub. Now, I just wash in hot water. Cold water really hasn't threatened me."
"Don't tempt fate," Akane said. "Anything could happen. Ranma here is a water magnet."
"Most of that's his fights, isn't it? Or you giving him a splash?"
"Only when he deserves it. And it's not like it seems to bother him - he always sleeps as a girl."
"I'm just using my power to the max while I have it," Ranma said. "It only works in girl form."
"What about the boys' shower?" Ukyo asked. "None of the girls were bold enough to try it with me or Akane, but what about you? Didn't anyone try twisting your faucet handle and giving you a cold blast?"
"Once. You weren't there for it, but there were a lot of broken hands. They haven't dared since."
"Well, we're all going on a trip to China when we get enough money," Akane said. "You're welcome to come with us."
"Hah! I don't need to wait on you guys. It's not like *I'm* attached to living here. I can come and go as I please. Sooooo..." She gave Ranma a pointed look. "When do YOU want to leave, Ranchan?"
"I gotta stay and help them make money," he admitted. "It gets real painful if I don't..."
Ukyo glanced at Akane. "I'll bet."
Ranma looked at some of the ingredients of her latest work. "What you making there?"
"Little something for Kuno." She mixed some rat poison with the sauce.
"That won't be enough to kill him," Akane pointed out. Not that she didn't want to do the deed herself these days.
"Not in human form," Ukyo said. "But one splash and he's history!"
"Ummm... somehow I don't think he's going to be eating any okonomiyaki for a while," Ranma said.
"Well, what would YOU feed him?"
"If Akane was still cooking her usual stuff, I'd feed him that."
That got him a faceful of Akane's bento. "Let him try THAT."
Ukyo sweatdropped. "Lucky for me Ranchan didn't go for you. You seem like the type who'd love to have a fiancee who could see the future."
Ranma wiped off his face. "What she wants is one who can read her mind."
"Most women are like that sometimes, Ranchan."
Ranma sighed. "I think this is why Pop went on a permanent training trip in the wilderness. In civilization, women get to be real women and demand that men be, too."
Akane didn't quite know how to take that.
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"So when are you going flying?" Nabiki interrupted Akane as she was doing homework.
"NEVER. I am NOT a duck." She had even changed the nameplate on her door from a duck to an angel. Not her style, but she was never subtle.
"I wish I could trade curses with you."
"I'll bet. Then all the girls will call ME what they call you."
"Only behind my back. But think of it! Flying around town, landing on rooftops and branches, spying on people in plain sight and leaving them none the wiser..."
"Being naked in public."
"Covered in fur or feathers isn't really naked."
"It sure FEELS naked to me!"
"Psh. You let too many little things get to you. You have the chance to see some really interesting things."
"Nothing would be worth the embarrassment!"
"Well, if it makes you feel any better we can have Kasumi fashion some clothes that fit a duck. How's that?"
"...maybe."
"Ah! So the shape itself isn't so bad?"
"I said only MAYBE! And anyway, there isn't really anything I'd want to see that I'd have to hide from."
"There might be one thing..."
"Like what?"
"Some of the stuff Ranma does sometimes. I think he's been helping those sailor girls."
"So now he's going loli? See! He really IS a pervert!"
Nabiki thought for a second, then realized how to get to her. "So we follow him and get the goods. Then we can tell Ukyo. I mean, if he's doing something like THAT, she really deserves to know, ne?"
That got a "gotcha!" look from Akane. Sometimes, Nabiki knew, it was just too easy.
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The assembled youma looked on in casual interest as Nephrite presented his plan to Queen Beryl. He started by setting up a contrast with his predecessor, tarnishing Jadeite's reputation in doing so. "Jadeite chose a foolish method of obtaining energy from masses at random," he said.
"Then what will you do instead, Nephrite?" Beryl demanded.
"Unlike Jadeite, I can extract plenty of energy from a single human at once."
"How so?"
"Humans' fates are all controlled by the movements of the stars. As is their energy. There is a moment in their lives when their energy reaches its peak. I will read the stars and find a target whose energy is at its highest."
Others in the chamber had their own theories as to how best to gather energy. One of them came forth now. "You seem very confident," Zoicite said, floating into view from the shadows.
"Zoicite! What are you doing here?"
The blond General did not bother to answer that. "Your overconfidence will be your downfall," he predicted.
"Get out. I will enter the human world and exploit their weakness. Do not interfere."
"You'd better not disappoint Queen Beryl. She can be very scary." He teleported away in his trademark shower of rose petals.
Beryl smiled. Keep them at each others' throats, she knew, and they will be too insecure to challenge me. "Nephrite, I have high hopes for you..."
Elsewhere in the chamber, other opinions were kept silent for now. One general in particular was very interested in the Senshi that had defeated Jadeite. He wished to know more about them, and whether, as his rival Generals thought, they were manageable with only a single youma...
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Phobos and Deimos eyed the yard of the Hikawa Temple from the edge of the temple roof. Normally their attentions would be focused on the Senshi meeting in Rei's room, but this evening they were fixated on two interlopers.
They had had to respect the wolf that came slinking into the bushes; they wouldn't last long against a large predator like that. But the duck that landed in a tree they couldn't ignore; they darted forth and circled it, preparing to dart at it in fast attacks. Then they sensed something about it, landed on nearby branches, and exchanged intelligent glances for several seconds before retreating to the temple. The two natives of the planet Kronos wondered how many other worlds Galaxia was conquering, and how many fellow refugees they could expect to come to Earth.
The intruders were not a concern for long; the duck left after less than an hour and the wolf followed soon after. Perhaps they had seen what they came to see. The crows turned their attention to the Senshi and their new elderly mentor.
Ranma-chan had been projecting results of tests with possible staves. "Plastics just melt. Woods don't handle the magic either. Cherry comes closest, I know it handles chi pretty well, but this kind of magic... nothing really works in wood."
"What of metals?" Cologne said. "You said aluminum melted too fast. Steel was good for one shot. Let's look at what else we can get."
A few minutes of looking showed pure iron was far worse than steel. Copper, strangely, was much better, and bronze was the best they could get on short notice, much better than steel. "Why would that be?" Ranma asked. "Shouldn't they melt faster?
"I wonder if this Silver Millenial magic is related to faery magic, which iron absorbs rather strongly. If it is, the less iron the better. It's a matter of attunement to the kind of magic. Some metals channel certain kinds better than others."
"What about these?" Ami asked, opening her science text to the periodic table. "Can we get any of these?"
Cologne eyed the table. "This is an awful lot of materials. What would you suggest we start with?"
Working with Ami, they determined they could get poles or tubes of molybdenum and tungsten from industrial mills, factories, or supply houses; both worked much better than bronze. Silver and gold worked better yet. If they were willing to spend hugely on the commodities markets, palladium and some rare earths seemed to work best of any pure metals. There were simply too many possible alloys to consider more than a handful, but none seemed to work better.
"So, for what we can get quickly, a tungsten tube filled with a silver core. How does that sound?" Cologne asked.
"Works great," Ranma said after a moment's concentration. "Can you really get that much silver cheap, though?"
"We have plenty of useless coins lying around, and our smith would love the challenge. It will probably only take two months. You said your presence wouldn't be decisive before then."
"Wait a second," Makoto said. "This guinzuishou we're looking for is a crystal, and it channels our magic like nothing else. Waht about other crystals? A crystal core rod?"
"Nope," Ranma said. "I think it would have to be a single piece. Nobody makes quartz rods that long, and there's no way for any other kind. If it were a foot-long wand, maybe, but this feels like it needs to be a staff."
"But you're sure this will allow you to fight the Dark Kingdom at close to your full power?" Mars said. "I can't wait to storm in and get it over with!"
"We aren't strong enough yet," Ami reminded her.
"Quite so," Cologne said. "You must all be patient. The schedule we have worked out will have you able to defeat them eventually."
"Yeah!" Usagi said. "How about some tennis for training...?"
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They were mostly surprised when Usagi was able to defeat the next youma with the help of only Tuxedo Mask. Rei and Makoto wanted more opportunities to face youma and try out some tactical plans and martial arts moves.
Cologne was dismissive. "She's still a spoiled princess who shouldn't be risked in battle if it can't be helped. Unfortunately, for the time being, it can't. The rest of you, I can see your warrior spirits. You're ready to fight, even if you don't have your full powers yet." That suited her, as it was what she was used to dealing with in training the girls of her village.
They all worked on speed exercises, with Ranma leading them in quick reaction drills. "You'll get all kinds of stuff thrown at you. Learn to see it coming and dodge quickly. Always stay in motion, don't give the enemy a chance to target you. It won't always work, they must train like this too, some of them can hit targets moving faster than I can, but it will help against a lot of them."
His meditations ranged across the history of the world, venturing into past choices and paths not taken. He saw worlds with no Islam, no Christianity, no Judaism. Worlds where strange faiths spread like wildfire, even conquering Japan. He saw the Mongols overrun Japan. He saw Japan remain open to the world instead of closing itself off.
He saw the Pacific War, and how Japan might have fought differently. Ranma was eventually convinced Cologne wanted to humble him with this line of investigation - it showed him nothing made any difference in the long run. Whatever Japan did, the Americans would roll over them. But if it held off the American tide for too long, the Soviets took a hand and imposed a Communist revolution on a land that, unlike China, wasn't in the least inclined to it. In some ways they were actually worse than the Mongols - destroying so much of what Japan considered its distinctive culture and language, leaving a population stagnating at thirty million, mostly half-breeds, a nation in poverty like North Korea, with no sense of itself or respect for its history.
Cologne, of course, claimed it was more as an understanding of what the Dark Kingdom might do if they won. "What do you see if they defeat you?"
"I can't see that. I can get glimpses of a distant future after I'm dead, but not if they win. That sounds right to me. They'd have to win over my dead body."
"A distant future, you say? How distant?"
"Dunno. All of central Tokyo had to get demolished at some point - it was rebuilt with some big crystal palace."
Cologne had been keeping a journal of Ranma-chan's visions. She wrote a new entry. "Another piece of the puzzle..."
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The next day, one of Ranma's friends showed up at the Nekohanten.
"I AM NOT HIS FRIEND!" Ryoga objected. He was at least grateful this Chinese restaurant hadn't tried to cook him.
"Oh so?" Cologne made some shaved ice at Amaguriken speed. "Care to join me?"
"Just what do you mean?"
"I am offering to train you."
"Feh. Don't be absurd. I'm not so weak that I need training from some old lady." He hefted his pack and began looking for the door. "Ta-ta, granny."
"All right. But come back any time you change your mind." She smiled knowingly. Ranma had told her to keep this part of his schedule intact: he wanted Ryoga to become a more worthy training partner. Of course, Ryoga would see their relationship in somewhat different terms.
Right on cue, he passed through again. "Where's the door?"
"He have very bad sense of direction," Shampoo observed.
*As Ranma said...* Cologne thought. *I wonder if something can be done about that...*
Ranma, of course, had no trouble later that day convincing Ryoga to take the offer.
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"Honestly!" Akane said. "It's summer vacation, for pity's sake! How could I get stuck with this?"
It was rhetorical. Her father and sisters had suggested it as a way to further hone her cooking skills. There were suggestions that her learning to cook was more a matter of her having developed a cast iron stomach and killing all her taste buds. The Saotomes, with strong stomachs and no great sense of taste themselves, were perfect test subjects.
They were training in the mountains in the north of the country. Ranma knew Ryoga was not far away, learning the Breaking Point technique, something he was working on himself, along with many others. He could manage a Moko Takabisha now and had plenty of speed; now he wanted more precision and power. It was just a matter of sweat.
In a mountain region closer to Tokyo practitioners of a more magically oriented combat art were also training. "FIRE SOUL!"
"Owww! That was too close, Rei!"
"Well, if you were training with us every night you would have dodged that!"
"Come on guys! This isn't my idea of a fun summer vacation!"
"Then why are you here?" Makoto asked.
"Because you are. That's what summer vacation is about, spending time with friends. So... how about we hit the water park tomorrow?"
"Two more days," Rei said. That got more grumbles from Usagi.
Back at the Saotome camp, dinner was about ready. "Man, I'm starved."
"So! Curry tonight, eh?" Genma said.
"It may not look like much, but...here." Akane handed them her work.
They tried it. "Tastes flat," Genma said.
"Well, thanks!" Akane said harshly. "I did my best and that's all you can say?"
Ranma wondered if he could get Akane together with Makoto sometime. He had tried some of the Senshis' bentos once. Just now, he figured Akane was inching ahead of Usagi.
That night, he decided to get some sleep rather than follow Akane to Ryoga's camp. He didn't know if they WOULDN'T get closer, but if they did, all the better to him. Maybe it would soften Ryoga up.
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Akane, Genma, and Cologne stood under a tree as Ranma and Ryoga stared at each other across a rocky saddle between two slopes. Neither wanted to give ground.
"PREPARE TO DIE!" Ryoga shouted. He charged in, holding his finger forward.
Ranma crouched low, forcing Ryoga to aim low. Just before the finger struck the ground in front of him, he leapt and sailed over Ryoga's back, reaching around his body on the way over to land a Breaking Point strike of his own on the ground beneath. Ryoga's body caught all of the shrapnel, shredding his shirt.
Ryoga's flesh did not seem any worse for wear as they landed in exchanged places facing each other again. "For someone trained by her," Ranma said, indicating Cologne, "you sure leave a lot of openings."
"So... you also studied the Breaking Point. We're even, then. Whoever lands the first blow wins!" In his mind, it was like a classic gun duel: they each had the power to kill in an instant. He charged again, only to have Ranma dodge well clear.
"You know, she may have exaggerated a bit about how useful it is," he said as he led Ryoga around the field, both throwing strikes that gradually turned the ground between two hills into gravel.
"They're going to kill themselves before they kill each other!" Akane said. "They're both getting hammered by shrapnel!"
"The training promotes toughness," Genma said. "They're taking less damage than they would have from those blasts a week ago."
Akane saw that it was true. Their clothes were wrecked but their bodies were holding up. There were no actual penetrations by pebbles.
"Ranma is also dodging better," Cologne pointed out. "He has more agility."
"The true srength of the Anything-Goes style!" Genma announced proudly.
"Avoiding the enemy?" Akane asked. Genma merely gave her a stern glance.
Ranma was throwing punches and kicks along with Breaking Point strikes, sending Ryoga flying. Ryoga kept coming back for more. "One hit and it's all over, Ranma!"
"You know," Ranma said," I don't think you can break flesh. Bone, maybe, if can see the right place to his, but you'd have to see through the flesh..." He leapt free again as Ryoga came down with another strike. "Basically, it isn't going to work on people or animals."
Ryoga wasn't listening. He was hell-bent of destroying Ranma, with this or any other technique he could find. Ranma sent him flying with a kick, smashing into a gouged-out hillside, sending rocks collapsing on top of him.
He waited patiently while Ryoga recovered. The lost boy did not disappoint. He emerged less than a minute later. "You've gotten weak, Ranma! Your kick felt like the touch of a baby's foot!"
Ranma knew Ryoga's own blows would be less effective against himself, something he would have to demonstrate later when the Breaking Point had lost its novelty. He managed a defensive retreat, dodging strikes and leading Ryoga into the woods to a cliff overlooking a river. At the top he set up the end as he had foreseen: jump to a branch, rebound, use the recoil to magnify an Amaguriken in the chest. This he repeated twice more before tumbling with Ryoga off the cliff.
The spectators gathered at the top of the cliff and saw the two disappear into the water. "Is it always going to end like this?" Akane asked. "Ryoga not fighting anymore because of getting wet?"
A few minutes later, Ranma-chan dragged the wet pig onto the bank. "Not your lucky day this time, Ryoga. don't worry. Your cure is coming. Just a couple more weeks..."
*Way sooner than mine,* she thought. *Ah, Ryoga, you think you've seen Hell. You're so lucky...*
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They headed back to Tokyo together, Ryoga kept in pig form held by Akane. Ranma wasn't sure, but he thought she was snuggling him.
In Tokyo they stopped for a rest in a park and lost track of the pig. "I wouldn't worry," Ranma told Akane. "He's bound to show up at home before long."
That seemed to relieve Akane. They headed home, leaving the pig to wander the park, lost in the woods and thinking he had made his way back to their training grounds somehow. Or maybe Hokkaido. That had happened a few times, as he recalled.
He decided not to make his situation any worse, and stayed put in the forest. He slept away the afternoon, hoping to find some hot water to change when he woke up. The worst part was they still had his clothing and backpack, so he would have to find clothing somewhere or find his way home without asking directions. Not that that had ever helped before.
He awoke to find himself surrounded by squirrels. He didn't like the looks they were giving him. Their eyes began to glow. Any one of them he should be able to take in this form; but against sheer numbers... he backed away. They followed. Soon it was a full-fledged chase.
He ran into the open to find he was still in the park, now close to a lake. He jumped into the water, watching the squirrels lose interest. They headed off in another direction. But now the fish in the lake were coming toward him. They likely couldn't hurt him, but he backed up onto the sidewalk anyway.
Light flared in the direction the squirrels had gone. Some birds started to converge there; another flock harassed a dating couple in a rental boat until they capsized and had to swim to shore. Fog suddenly obscured the area. Lightning followed.
The dating couple had reached the dock. Ryoga moved toward them. "Are you all right?" the young man asked.
"I'm fine," his girlfriend answered. "But Mamoru, you're ill..."
"It's nothing."
"Sure?" She looked around. "What an evil aura... Mamoru, stay here. I'll be right back."
Ryoga followed her into the woods. She paid him no attention - probably assumed he was another of the park animals. She pulled something out of a pocket and held it up, shouting "MARS POWER, MAKE UP!"
What followed almost made him pass out with a nosebleed. The rings of fire and coruscating red aura didn't do much to hide her nudity. When it was over she was wearing a type of kitschy sailor costume. Come to think of it, had he seen something like that before...?
He followed her out of the woods and over to the area where the fog was now dissipating. The girl he was following clasped her hands together, fingers pointing, and said "Fire Soul!" Fire erupted from the pointed fingers to burn away vines what had to be a teammate.
The teammate was not entirely grateful. "Owowowowowwwww! Rei! Can't you think of a better way to do that?"
"Is that all you have to say after I rescue you?" Rei turned to the enemy they were battling, some half-plant, half-woman thing. "So, you messed up my date?"
Ryoga surveyed the sides. Facing the monster were a total of four sailor-suited girls. Their basic body suits were white, with color-coded skirts, footgear, and trimmings. The one he had seen transform, Rei, was in red; another in blue, one in green, one in red AND blue. The one in green said "Let's go!"
Rei charged up her attack again while the others spread out, trying to cover the monster if it fled. It didn't try; it sent more vines out, trying to snare all of them at once. It got the blue and green ones, but the red-and-blue one was a bit too wide, and the red one kept her fire going and burned away the vines, allowing the others to complete their attacks.
The monster was stunned, then cut in half by a thrown frisbee from the blue-and-red girl. The halves shriveled to dust.
They all relaxed. Then they detransformed. This time Ryoga did pass out.
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The following week was relatively quiet for summer vacation. The usual Nerima business kept everyone occupied: Ranma continuing to build speed, strength, and precision. The next new martial arts challenge to materialize was a contest of Martial Arts Take-Out Delivery, a race organized by several of the small restaurants in the area.
"Me? Enter this 'Miss Martial Arts Take-Out' contest?" Akane asked. "Why in the world do I have to..." She noticed what everyone was eating. "Ah, now I get it. Selling out your own daughter for an order of eel teriyaki. Shame on you."
Soun was offended. "I did no such thing! It was FIVE orders! How could I say no?"
"Aren't you gonna eat, Akane?" Nabiki asked.
"You too, Ranma?" Akane noticed he was also eating the eel teriyaki. She grabbed the box from him.
"How about we both race?" Ranma said. "I'll keep to the streets. I warn you, Shampoo will be there. She does this for a living."
"Make it a real challenge, Ranma," Nabiki suggested. "Don't use your Sight. No looking at what anyone is going to do."
"Pah! I don't need it for something like this." He did not mention that it was too late. He had already looked at the outcome of the race and decided who to help.
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"Rei! Mako-chan!" Usagi waved and ran to her friends. Naru and Ami were already with her. Luna was on her shoulder, happy to be around the Senshi when Ranma was not. It suited her that Pluto would leave them to their battles for a while; she was getting frustrated at being shut out. Though she had to admit, it his advice, and Cologne's, was much the same as she would give.
The group got together and stood along the route of today's event, a martial arts themed race. Rei had her new pet pig with her, which she had found at the site of their last battle. "Good to see you attending a martial arts event for once, odango atama. Watch some of these people and you might learn a thing or two."
"Why would she need to learn martial arts?" Naru asked. "No one wants to hurt her."
"You never know," Usagi said. "Some of your luck mught rub off onto me. In fact you seem like you need training more than anyone. The monsters seem to have a thing for you..."
"That so?" Makoto asked. "How many times have you been attacked?"
"Too many," Naru said. "I'm jogging a lot more these days. Running away is about all a normal person can do. Let the Sailor Senshi fight them!"
"Is Ranma going to be here?" Makoto asked. "This seems like his kind of thing."
"Oo, is this Ranma a new boyfriend of yours?"
"He might be, if I can... uhh... meet him properly," Makoto said carefully.
"I want to see more of him too," Usagi said. "He can be such a hunk!"
"So then you're giving up on Mamoru?" Rei asked.
"Mamoru? We're not even together! He can be such a drag. He's so mean to me."
Makoto drew Usagi away from Naru and lowered her voice. "But didn't Ranma say you two end up together?"
"It's hard to see how. All he does is pick on me and call me names like Rei. She can have him for all I care!"
"I don't know. Ranma never seems to be wrong about anything. Maybe things will change."
"Why would they?"
"I don't know. Love can be funny like that sometimes. Everyone's heard stories about this kind of thing, haven't they? Some people start out hating each other and then find they have stuff in common. Maybe you were connected in a past life or something."
"But our past lives were... uhmmm... if I was a princess and he was in love with me... wouldn't he have to be a prince?" Usagi found it hard to see anything princely in Mamoru Chiba.
"Maybe. I wish Ranma would tell us when it's safe to bring him in to us. He seems like he'd be a big help."
The race was now about to begin. Ranma-chan was among the contestants, to no one's surprise. "Figure's he'd be IN it like that," Makoto whispered. They didn't want to have to explain about Jusenkyo curses to Naru just yet.
A purple-haired competitor they recognized as Cologne's great-granddaughter, Shampoo, whispered something to Ranma. Judging by Ranma's reaction, the comment wasn't entirely expected. That surprised them: didn't he know everything that was coming? Ranma leaned over to his other side and exchanged a few words with the competitor there, delivering okonomiyaki for a place called Ucchan's. The Ucchan's girl backed up and allowed someone else to take her position.
The race began. Shampoo jabbed a finger at Ranma's take-out box. Ranma deftly dodged, leaving the other girl to strike a different competitor. They were amazed to find it was a martial arts strike that destroyed the bowl inside the box. "What a technique!" Makoto was impressed. "I wonder if we can get her to teach us that."
Ranma kept leaping around the field, allowing Shampoo to destroy the deliveries of all the contestants but theirs. All of the other competitors save Ucchan's and a girl representing a barbecue house were disqualified before the first turn.
Rei's pig squealed after her. "P-chan? What is it?" She looked into the pig's eyes for a second. "Strange... it almost looks like you know her..."
Cologne hopped up on her stick. "Oh so... you've got a pet pig now?" She got a mischevious gleam in her eye. "Where did you find him?"
"In a park," Rei said. "He might have an owner. Grandpa gave me permission to look after him until we find out for sure, as long as I keep him clean."
"Ah. Well, I'm sure you'll find the owner soon enough. come, let's get to the client..."
They let Naru go on ahead as Cologne explained who was who. The BBQ girl was one of the family Ranma was staying with. "Technically, he has the right to choose her as his fiancee."
"Wow! Isn't that kind of awkward? Racing against a fiancee?" Usagi asked.
"He has other options for fiancees. The okonomiyaki girl is another - the one he prefers... at least at the moment. Shampoo asked if she could have a date with him if she won. She's laying out her case for marriage, so that she can keep the Lady in our village."
"But then wouldn't this Akane girl be jealous?"
"She dosen't really want the engagement either. And her sisters have an equal claim on him. She has other problems, though. The so-called 'randomly' chosen client for this race is someone who has a crush on her. She can't stand him."
"That sounds messy," Makoto said. "But then couldn't she get this creep off her by getting Ranma to take her?"
"She doesn't want either of them. In fact it seems as if she doesn't want ANY boyfriend or fiancee right now. In my village we'd say she was being childish, refusing to face adulthood."
"Well, here, it's not THAT bad. I know some people in high school don't like the pressure to go with someone."
"Women are liberated these days," Rei said. "Lots of Japanese men want wives who will just cook, clean, make house, raise kids. Like we were appliances. We want more than that."
"That's why a lot of women in this country are waiting until their thirties to get married these days," Ami pointed out.
"Eekkk!" Usagi was suddenly scared at the thought. "Not me! I'm getting married before I'm 25! I'm not going to be an old maid!"
"But even twenty-five is still a lot of time!" Makoto said. "Ranma's being pressured into marriage when he's SIXTEEN. That's medieval!"
Cologne decided not to waste breath arguing to point. "City girls! The realities of life in a remote country village in China are quite different. We are from different worlds," she said simply.
"Yeah," Rei said, suddenly laughing. "You're from Earth, and we're from the Moon." They all had to join her laugh at that.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
"Food delivery!" Ukyo and Akane tried to shoulder each other aside as they entered the Kuno mansion through the front door. They saw the far wall explode, making a hole for Shampoo to enter. Ranma crashed down through the wooden roof, holding a bowl of noodles up, barely still intact.
The race announcer followed Shampoo in. "Amazing! A three-way tie! Now the Miss Martial Arts Takeout contest comes to its climax!"
"What is that idiot Kuno doing here?" Ukyo asked.
"Don't ask me," Akane said. She had not recognized his mansion, having sworn never to go near it if it could be helped.
"Whichever girl gets him to eat her food first wins the race!" the announcer explained.
"I guess that rules me out," Ranma-chan said. "Ucchan, he might forgive you -"
"Needs more sauce," Ukyo said, pulling out her poisoned sauce bottle and trying to apply it to her okonomiyaki. Ranma quickly swiped it out of her hand. "Hey! Whose side are you on?"
"Not the place," Ranma said.
Kuno was fixated on Akane. She had come here for the first time? To bring him food? "I never dreamed you loved me so much!" He gave her a glomp.
"And just what do you think you're doing!" Akane booted Kuno through the roof.
Instantly, Shampoo followed him through the hole. "I WIN RACE!" She grabbed some noodles in chopsticks and reached for Kuno's mouth while in flight.
"Y-you are in love with me too?" Kuno asked. It was little surprise to him; all manner of women swooned over him.
Ranma quickly leapt to intercept, grabbing Shampoo's arm in a leg lock. On the ground, Ukyo saw she had no direct line to Kuno to throw to him and followed Akane out into the yard, judging where their client would land.
"That's it...right this way..." Akane suddenly had to contend with a body-slam from Ukyo, trying to take her spot. Shampoo landed before Kuno and knocked her arm out of the way, sending an okonomiyaki flying.
Everyone was now on the ground. Ranma-chan had abandoned her bowl and stood near Ukyo. Shampoo held her chopsticks ready. "I win race, I am date with Ranma! No one stop Shampoo now!"
"I haven't agreed to anything..." Ranma tried to protest. No one seemed to notice.
Shampoo wound up. "Martial Arts Takeout Special Attack! CHOW MEIN STRIKE!" Noodles snaked toward Kuno's mouth.
The announcer was feverishly trying to explain the power of the technique as Ranma-chan interposed herself, intending to catch the noodles in her own mouth. She missed slightly, getting them wrapped around her head. Shampoo withdrew them and prepared another strike.
"Like usual, Ranma, you TOO good," Shampoo said, admiring her honor. Thus far, her timing had not seemed to be predictive. She must be relying on martial arts skill alone.
Kuno backed away and gave a signal. The ground beneath their feet suddenly opened, dumping the four girls into an underground room with a hardwood floor. Kuno leapt down to join them. "Welcome to the Kuno family underground training facility. Since you all want me so desperately," - counting only those who still had their food, of course - "to take food from any one of you would insult the others. This leaves only one choice. We must ALL live here togeth-"
His lunge was stopped by a foot to the face and a large spatula on his crown. But with Akane's foot in Kuno's face, she was open to attack from Shampoo, who sent her box flying. She narrowly caught it.
With Kuno free, Ukyo offered her okonomiyaki. Shampoo turned her attention to her final rival and tried to knock her offering away. Ranma was in the way.
Shampoo did the only thing she could think of: she gave a catlike "MEOW!" Ranma was stunned just long enough for Shampoo to get an arm past and grab the okonomiyaki to stuff it in Ranma's mouth.
Ukyo had several more still in her box. Retrieving one cost her precious seconds. Shampoo now tried to offer her noodles - only to have Akane splash her with water. The squirrel and her noodles fell to the floor.
Unfortunately for her, she tried to do the same for Ukyo. This time the water was thrown back by spatula. While the duck was hiding in her clothes, and Ranma had a death grip on the squirrel, Ukyo was able to stuff her okonomiyaki in Kuno's face. followed immediately by a pail of water.
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
"I just KNOW you worked that out," Akane grumbled.
"Me?" Ranma, now returned to male form, adopted a hurt expression. He could still indulge in sarcasm pretty well.
"Don't feel bad," Ukyo said. "Wasn't this fun?"
"It more fun when win," Shampoo said.
"I didn't win," Ukyo said. "Kuno's still walking."
"You think he's a pain?" Ranma said. "Wait till you see what's coming..."
XxXxXxXxXxXxX
AN: Random ideas, continued:
Placing anime characters in various classic books, games, etc. Aside from the "Wheels of If" idea, consider the World State of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.
Ranma would absolutely not work in the year 600 AF, as the World State is well designed to prevent such situations as his from arising. Most likely he would be a historical example cited to illustrate the shortcomings of families and why the family unit was abolished. Sailor Moon, on the other hand, seems to work well in 600 AF. Obvious lemon possibilities, of course. In a world of gratuitous pleasures and meaningless sex, the Senshi fight to destroy the World State and reestablish the rule of Love...
MMORPG's: In Everquest terms, Ranma, Genma, and Soun would be Monks. Happosai would actually be a Gnome Rogue. Akane might be a Monk, but could conceivably be a Warrior. Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyo, Kuno clearly Warriors. Nabiki and Kasumi NPC's. Gosunkugi might be a Mage or Necromancer (low-level.)
In World of Warcraft: Ranma would hate the WoW rules. He dosen't properly fit in the class structure - the closest he can come is a Rogue specializing in Fist weapons. Even that cripples him, as he dosen't get the Rogue class defining ability, Stealth (Umisenken) until late in the manga. Some have described Disc Priests as Monks, but they can still cast spells. Ranma characters are also known for being sparse with gear, wearing only a few pieces. Most of their battles are probably best interpreted as PvP. In true Warcraft PvP battles at their likely experience level (40's and 50's) they CANNOT win against normally-geared characters, and will usually get KO'd in ten seconds or less. At level 80, without suitable gear, they get beaten by everyone and their dog.
- OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE -
In a more standard (thus far) Ranmaverse, pre-Nodoka...
"Stay still, you old freak!"
"That would defeat the purpose, no?" Happosai was bounding around the countryside like he'd had too much caffeine. Or stolen too many panties. Ranma was hard pressed to keep up.
Happosai had dragged him away from the city for a little training in seclusion, where they could go all out without disturbing too many people. Ranma had agreed mainly to keep him from molesting the neighborhood in Nerima. His hopes that withuot women and underwear to energize him would make the elderly master easier to handle were so far being disappointed.
He chased Happosai across a field, over a creek, through some trees, always frustrated by his unpredictable bounces. He seemed to know exactly which way Ranma was hoping he'd go and finding another way.
Finally Ranma caught a bit of luck. He hesitated for an instant when Happosai was obscured by a tree. When he emerged, he found his target moving toward arm's reach. He made the most of the opportunity, swatting Happosai at full force into a low rise.
The old man smashed into the slope. "Gotcha!" Ranma said, pausing to catch his breath before walking up to the crater, ready for the old man to come rocketing out.
He was taking an awfully long time doing so. Ranma risked relaxing his guard as he peered into the deep hole. Too deep - he had smashed through into a cave of some kind. He dug the hole wide enough to allow him to pass and crawled into the cave.
The dim light from outside showed it was no mere cave; it was a basement, full of wreckage of some kind, mostly wood and glass. A layer of dust covered everything. Some charts were still pinned to the walls.
"An opening!" Ranma was knocked on his face by a blow to the back. Fool - he should have known the old freak would do that. He turned over, swatted his opponent into a corner, and brushed some dust off.
"Take that," he said, then looked around. "What is this place? Some kind of office? Did a doctor live here?"
Happosai recovered and searched the room. "Now this is interesting. There was definitely nothing like this here the last time I was in this area."
"That was what - a hundred years ago?" It looked to Ranma like it might be that old.
"Not quite." Happosai thought for a moment. "Had to have been before the Great Kanto Quake, I'm sure."
"Whatever. Let's get back outside." He started moving back toward the entrance they had made.
"Ooo - looky here. What do we have? A pretty lady!" The hentai master bounded over to a dusty mound against one wall. He raised a cloud brushing it off.
It looked human, but Ranma knew it couldn't be, from the amount of dust. It had to have lain here for decades. "A mannequin...?" he wondered.
"Well, of course. Maybe for instructional purposes. Not bad looking, though." It was made to look female, with a striking face and pink hair. The skin seemed supple - almost alive. Ranma wouldn't have thought a mannequin could have been made so realistic in the 1920's.
"Ah, well, leave it. You can always buy yourself a doll." He tried to leave again, only to have Happosai pull him face to face with the mannequin.
"Come on, Ranma! You need to learn to appreciate beauty more! Besides, you need practice kissing Akane! I haven't seen you do it properly once!"
"Well, it's not like she gives me a lot of reason to try!" He tried to wrench his head away, only to have Happosai force him back.
"Well, maybe it's because you're horrible at it! You need something to practice on, and this would be perfect!" And with that, he mashed Ranma's lips to the artificial girl's face.
Happosai would later describe this as his greatest mistake. But how was he to know those lips connected to advanced components designed to respond to chi, particularly high-level chi such as Ranma had in abundance?
They both felt the pulse. Then something like a hearbeat from withing the girl. A sudden sharp breath as Happosai allowed Ranma to move his face back. The eyes fluttered, then opened fully.
"Master... are you... Kurumi's master?" she asked.
-RANMA NI BUN NO ICHI : KOTETSU NO TENSHI-
Not coming any time soon to a fanfic site near you.
"RANMA NO BAKA!" WHAM. Ranma went sailing over the Nerima skyline, courtesy of Akane Air.
"DON'T HIT MASTER!" WHAM. Akane went sailing over the Nerima skyline, courtesy of Kurumi Air.
"MY DAUGHTER - !" Soun's Demon Head was suddenly deflated by a high-powered punch from Saki. "Oops. How clumsy of me."
"More tea, please," Karinka said. Kasumi happily obliged. If only she could get Ranma to kiss her, with her two Angel Hearts, she would be more powerful than Kurumi!
Nabiki gave a mirthless smile. By her calculations, the balance of power in the household, and in Nerima, had just shifted drastically in favor of everyone's favorite punching bag.
She wondered if it were time to invest in a few construction companies.