Chapter 13: Important Dates
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
The hardest section to write so far. The scene at the end is one I've been wanting to do for years, but figuring out how to start it is tricky.
Also finding how hard it can be to write a character who cannot be surprised - I've noticed how big a factor surprise is in the manga.
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Nabiki tried not to look too suspicious as she searched the street. Given the timing, she could be forgiven for not being able to do a very good job.
She walked up to the outside wall of the Kuno estate, seeing no one around. The coast was clear, as it should be at this time of night. She took off her shoes, undid the front of her raincoat, and dumped the bottle of water over her head.
As a wolf she could leap high enough to land on top of the wall. Down into the bushes, slowly and silently creep through the gardens, up to the house...
"Here, doggy, doggy..." a voice called. She turned to the shadows where the sound came from. "Doggy want some food?"
She tried to ignore the voice. Doggy treats came out of the shadows, landing on the sidewalk a few paces away. She continued on to the house.
"Oh, wait..." the voice said. "Is this a wolf? What did the Young Master say I should use if one of those comes around... Ah. Here, wolfy, wolfy..." Some ten-thousand yen bills landed on the ground near the doggy treats.
Minutes later Nabiki was being placed outside the front gate by the house ninja, Sasuke. "Nice wolfy. Go on, go back to your pack..."
Nabiki cursed herself. Perhaps she could make a deal with Kodachi...
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Usagi was puzzled by the letter she found in the letter slot of her front door that morning. "What? From Tuxedo Mask? Why would he send a letter when he can just call?"
In her room, she read the letter out loud to Luna. The mooncat, suspicious by nature, immediately suspected a trap. "Mamoru wouldn't need to send a letter like this. We need to call him."
They did. "It's a fake," he said instantly. "I know I haven't sent you any letters yet. And now I wouldn't have to address them as Tuxedo Mask. This has to be a trap. Contact the other Senshi and Cologne. Pluto, if you can get through. We need to think about how to handle this."
Not only were they unable to get through to Ranma, they couldn't even get Cologne. "This is ridiculous!" Usagi said. "Just when we need them most, they can't show up? What good are they?"
"They did say we had to learn to work on our own," Makoto said over the communicator. "Maybe whatever we decide now will be the right choice."
Ami's voice then came through. "I got a letter from Tuxedo Mask as well. It said the same thing. I wonder if it's a mass mailing."
"It could be," Mamoru conceded. "We should call Naru and anyone else you know at school."
Naru had indeed gotten a letter from 'Tuxedo Mask'. So had every other girl in school, it seemed. All asked Sailor Moon to come to Masato Sanjoin's department store in Shinjuku the next night.
Mamoru puzzled over this. "I think we may have stolen a march on the enemy," he said finally. "They don't know who any of us are, so they have to lure us out. They don't have spies around us, or they would know who you are without having to do something like this. They don't know that we know who we really are, or were, and that I have made contact with you, so they think they can use my name to lure you out."
"But what do we DO?" Usagi asked.
"Spring the trap," Rei said.
"We go in full force," Makoto said.
Ami was more cautious. "We need to know more," she said. "We need a good plan ..."
"I'm going in!" Usagi said. "I won't see these jerks tarnish the name of Tuxedo Mask!"
Mamoru was eventually convinced to allow it. The Senshi discussed strategy for an hour before getting to more mundane things like homework. Usagi swore that if anything bad happened she would march into Nerima and give Ranma a piece of her mind.
Luna advised against that. "You have so few to pieces to spare..."
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"So... do you know where it is?" Nabiki asked.
"Where what is?" Kodachi asked.
"Don't play games. We need the Instant Nyannicuan powder. I would have thought you could get to it."
"Instant what? I haven't heard of any such thing coming into the household. If Sasuke has been lying to me again..."
"I take it, then, that your brother has more control over him than you do. So you honestly don't know?"
"My dear, you will have to speak plainly if you want to succeed in business. What, precisely, does this powder do?"
Nabiki grated at being schooled on business principles by this flake. "It would cure our curses. It turns ordinary water into Spring of Drowned Girl water."
"You are sure of this? Cured? Completely?"
"That's what he says. I guess he couldn't trust you with this until Sunday..."
"So that was why he suggested I visit a friend out of town..." Kodachi chuckled. "Well, knowing him, it being something rather important, it probably won't be held on the grounds, lest I get to it first. I will have to check our country home and some of our holdings in the city, but he may have... unofficial friends."
"Gotcha. I'll keep an eye out and we can all be rid of this without Akane having to go on a date with him."
"Is that how he convinced her? He's been absolutely insufferable the last few days, going on about how he was finally about to claim her lips."
"If he tries, he'll end up in the hospital."
"Oh, I don't think your brutish sister will actually be able to harm him. He does hold back against her, after all."
Nabiki shook her head. "Somehow, I just know all this will end in disaster..."
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Usagi, Mamoru, Ami, and Makoto gathered around the department store that evening. Rei had come down with a sudden flu; she was willing to go, wearing a filter mask, but the others had insisted she rest up. They knew Nephrite wouldn't be defeated tonight, but they could give him a nasty surprise.
They hadn't counted on Naru. When Usagi entered the department store, she found Nephrite already draining Naru's energy. She quickly ducked behind a wall and called the others. "Everyone! Naru's here and Nephrite's already draining her! We gotta go NOW!" She clicked off her communicator before anyone could advise her not to jump in hastily.
She transformed and appeared before Nephrite. Without Ranma or Cologne to ride herd on them, she couldn't help but indulge in grandstanding. "Let Naru go!"
"Who - ?"
"A youma who plays around with young girls' hearts dosen't deserve to wear a tuxedo!" Sailor Moon said.
"Then you are -"
Sailor Moon couldn't help but give her patented speech. She told herself she was at least delaying him until the others could arrive. "In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!"
"How did you know I wasn't the Masked Tuxedo?"
"The intuition of a girl in love!" she said. She wasn't going to give away that they were working openly together now. "Sailor Moon Kick!" She tried a flying kick at Nephrite's head, which he narrowly ducked. The kick took off his top hat.
Nephrite flung Naru's limp body at Sailor Moon as a distration. "Here, catch!" He levitated and doffed the tuxedo, revealing his usual general's uniform.
"You're Sanjoin Masato!"
"I am Nephrite, one of the four lords of the Dark Kingdom! I took the name of Masked Tuxedo to lure you here." He gestured, casting a mirror-imaging spell. Suddenly there were a dozen of him around the store. "Leo's star Regulus, shining in the southern sky -"
"SHABON SPRAY!" Suddenly the store was fogged. A thrown rose interrupted Nephrite's chant and dispelled his images. A cry of "SUPREME THUNDER!" warned of a lightning bolt that caught him full in the back.
Sailor Moon charged up her tiara. "MOON TIARA ACTION!" She sent it flying at Nephrite, who frustratingly disappeared.
The group gathered to check Naru. "She needs to get to a hospital," Mercury said.
"Dammit!" Jupiter swore. "If only Rei were here..."
"No," Tuxedo Mask said. "We can hold our own, but we can't defeat him yet. Even if Ranma can tell us that he will just disappear like that, we can't do much to stop him. We need something more..."
Once again, they had to wonder what Ranma was doing, and when he would be free.
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Zoicite was gloating. After Nephrite's boast that he would kill Sailor Moon, he expected to see his rival eliminated, as Jadeite had been. "Queen Beryl, Nephrite boasted that he would destroy Sailor Moon. Yet he failed. He deserves Eternal Sleep."
He was to be disappointed. "The energy Nephrite brought back was quite powerful. You will not be punished this time," she said to the general in question.
"But -" Zoicite was at a loss. Nephrite deserved punishment, he knew. How could Beryl forgive him like this?
Beryl, of course, knew all too well of her generals' ambitions. Keeping them at each others' throats was an art she was much practiced in. "Punishment can be done any time. Zoicite, if you have time to worry about his business, look harder for the guinzuishou!"
Zoicite left, suddenly fearful of Beryl's wrath. Nephrite smiled and headed off to his own business. He might yet turn this around and defeat the Senshi.
He was not clear of interference from rivals yet. Another one, tanned and dark-haired, was waiting in his mansion. "Congratulations on walking away from another meeting with the Queen."
Nephrite gave a low chuckle. "Enjoying your promotion? You shouldn't get too comfortable, Magnetite. Beryl can be very demanding."
"I was just noticing your troubles with the Sailor Senshi... and with Zoicite. He thought you would meet Jadeite's fate because you were not doing anything differently from him. But now you had an excellent plan... and the Senshi were still able to deal with it. Too able, in fact. As if they knew your plans."
"Are you accusing me of treason? Of collaborating with them?" He charged a hand with energy, ready to fire a blast.
"Not at all. I find it impossible to believe you would be that stupid. Or that we would have a leak somewhere. The Senshi are developing faster than we thought. We know too little about them. They seem to have resources we cannot guess. I think they are showing themselves a larger problem than any one of us can deal with alone."
"Ah. You want a piece of the credit for defeating them. I assure you, I can deal with them on my own. I advise you to go back to your artifacts. You know little of humans and how to fight them."
Magnetite teleported away unceremoniously to his chambers. *I doubt you know as much as you think you do,* he thought. *And Zoicite knows little more. I should expect soon I shall have only Kunzite to deal with, and then we will see who is the last man standing...*
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"I said NO, dad! I don't want you to help me! Ranma either!" Akane stood ready to fight for the family dojo. She steeled herself for a hard battle.
The rest of the Tendo and Saotome families were sitting on the sidelines, Ranma seemingly unconcerned, as if he felt his assistance wouldn't be needed. Genma wasn't worried. "He will be there when Akane falls."
"I won't fall!" Akane insisted.
"I say she lasts ninety seconds," Ranma said.
"I say sixty," Soun said.
"DAD!" Akane should have known by now her father's loyalty only went so far.
The dojo destroyer that had defeated him earlier that week was a mountain of a man, nearly seven feet tall, looking to be four hundred pounds of pure muscle. He wore a chain of dojo signs around his neck, and carried more in his massive hands. Thus far, he had said not a word.
The only notable absence was Happosai. He had gone on his daily panty raid, having mentioned that he had been a dojo destroyer once, and it wasn't as glamorous at it sounded.
"Father, are you sure?" Kasumi asked. "Akane may need some help..."
Soun knew better. "Once Akane makes up her mind, there's no talking her out of it."
Akane led off with a charge. The Dojo Destroyer countered by taking off his necklace of signs and handling them like a whip.
"He won't sacare ME!" Akane said as she tried to get inside the guard offered by the whipping signs. She dodged, leapt, and found herself encircled by the signs, keeping them from smashing into her from either side by balling up and bracing her elbows against her knees. She landed and prepared to strike again.
"This guy is good," she thought. She started toward him as he flung the signs outward again, modifying her charge into a cartwheel. He threw unchained signs at her, sending them sticking into the wall.
These provided convenient jumping points. Akane took advantage and did a flying leap, leading with her fist to smash the sign the destroyer held up as a shield. This softened the blow, and she now fell back for another try.
Several signs fell to her attacks. Finally the destroyer held the stolen Tendo sign up as a shield. Akane found she could not bring herself to destroy that one. The destroyer switched from defense to offense, swatting Akane down.
She was unfazed. "You call that a blow?"
"She should've seen that coming," Ranma muttered.
"And what would YOU have done?" Nabiki ribbed.
"Smashed it," Ranma said. "Make him pay for the replacement."
The destroyer now had Akane pinned to the wall with signs. He flung one last at her for the knockout blow. Soun stood up. "I can't sit back and watch any longer! RANMA! GET IN THERE!" He grabbed Ranma and threw him in the path of the projectile.
Ranma blocked it with his head. He looked around first at Akane, then Soun, then back to Akane. He flicked the sign away from his skull, where it had left a lump. "Heh. Knew it. Our pops have no patience." He took off his jacket and started helping her down. "I don't suppose you've done any training in the Amaguriken...?"
"I don't need any of that fancy stuff you do."
Ranma didn't press the point. He had seen other situations Akane would be in over the next year where special moves would be necessary to getting out of a jam. Sooner or later she would have to see that his 'fancy stuff' was worth her time.
"You can take offense, I'll take defense," he said. "Whenever you're ready..."
The first time they tried it she got clumsily in his way. After that Ranma was able to avoid her as he intercepted the signs being thrown at her. Akane hammered the man-mountain with a series of indiscriminate blows. He shrugged them off and renewed his attack.
"You DO know where his vital spots are, don't you!" Ranma asked as they dodged.
"He has TOO MANY SPOTS!" Akane replied.
Ranma grabbed several signs sticking out of the wall and threw them back at the destroyer. He simply absorbed the hits and grabbed them for a return volley.
"Change of plan," Ranma said. "I'll draw his fire, you get inside and hit."
"Okay!" This Akane knew she could do.
Of course, the destroyer had other plans. Having seen Akane was slower to dodge he continued to focus fire on her. He soon had her pinned to the wall again.
This came at the expense of his defense. Ranma seemed to have forgotten about drawing fire as he dodged in close and hammered every vital spot on his opponent's massive frame. The dojo destroyer stood covered in bruises for a second, them fell heavily to the floor.
The family on the sideline clapped. Akane reminded them of her situation. "Is anybody going to get me down from here?"
Ranma took out enough signs to let her down. Akane wasn't about to forgive him so easy. "What happened to drawing his fire while I got the finishing blows?"
"We're called the Anything-Goes School for a reason," he said. "But don't celebrate yet. Now comes Round Two..."
"ROUND TWO!" they all gulped. Sure enough, the dojo destroyer was getting back up.
"Well, Akane," Ranma said. "Now all his vital spots are marked..."
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Akane winced as she re-bandaged her wrists. That dojo destroyer had been harder than the stacks of bricks she broke in practice. Doctor Tofu had advised not hitting anything for at least a day.
Unfortunately, she was scheduled to spend the next day with one of the people in Nerima most in need of hitting. "So what if I can't hit him?" she asked. "How am I supposed to keep his paws off me?"
Kasumi handed her a mallet. "How about this?"
Akane hefted the mallet, testing its weight. "A bit small..."
"You'll want to hide it under your clothes," Nabiki said. "And wear a bathing suit under them as well. We will be." She indicated herself and Kasumi.
"If only I didn't have to do this..."
"We aren't going to know where that packet is until the end of the date," Kasumi said.
"So we ask the guy who knows where we're going to end up..." Akane said.
They headed to the kitchen to get some water before looking for Ranma in the dojo. He was already gone. He had, however, left a note: "Happosai has it. -R" There was a smiley face with a tongue sticking out after the R.
They all sweatdropped. Akane crumpled the note in her fist. "Ranma, this is not the time for sarcasm..."
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Kodachi settled herself into the specially prepared bath. She held her breath, submerged, shook herself, and came up to look in the mirror.
Black, glorious black. Red had never been her color; she was much more comfortable in black paint. Every feather now glistened with the new color. She would now draw no attention flying around Tokyo. Unless you looked directly at her for a while you would not notice she was not an ordinary blackbird.
She hopped out and walked in front of a fan, drying herself. A few minutes later she took wing out the window and headed for the Tendo household. She should have no trouble following her brother about the city. Once she knew where that packet was, she would never have to deal with feathers again.
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"Akane! He's here!" Kasumi announced.
The moment of truth. Akane went to the door as if marching to her execution. She had chosen the plainest outfit she could, trying to pretend it was an ordinary day, an outing with a friend. It wasn't working. A friend wouldn't try to kiss her or prattle on endlessly with bad poetry.
Kuno was there in formal-looking suit, carrying roses, hopefully not grown by his sister - there was no telling what effects hers might have when sniffed. He beamed a smile and opened the pleasantries. "Akane! You look radiant! These roses do not compare to your beauty -"
"Let's go," Akane said, wanting to blitz the town and be done with it. She grabbed Kuno by the arm and dragged him out to the street.
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Nabiki entered the train five cars back from Akane and Kuno. She hoped her distance had been discreet enough. Surely Kuno had to know she was trailing them, but she didn't know anyone else remotely capable of it. She hoped he would be paying too much attention to Akane to notice her nearby.
She had been unable to wheedle an itinerary out of him. Perhaps he was just going to wing it for the day. She almost envied Akane; for any other girl, a date backed by Kuno's money would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Even for herself, it would be unusual enough to remember.
She checked the train's stops. One of them was near an amusement park. A good place to start. From there she guessed they might go bowling, then walking in a park, eating dinner, and finally the demand for a kiss. And then the revelation of where the packet was.
For the tenth time she cursed Ranma for not cooperating. He would have seen that far ahead and they could shortcut this whole day. She burned with a desire to know where he was at the moment. He was just being so selfish! So what if the packets wouldn't cure him! He had to start learning to think of more than his own problems. There were people depending on him for their cures.
Idly, she wondered who could teach him to be less self-centered. Maybe Akane? Now there was a strange thought. Perhaps her fists could get through where everything else failed...
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Kasumi looked through the clothing on display and tried not to look suspicious. She knew she wasn't succeeding, because she was too nervous. But she had a right to be nervous. She had always tried to be polite and considerate. There was little that was less polite or considerate than spying on someone.
She shot a glance at the roof. Still there. Ranma-chan looked like she was waiting for someone or something. It was a stroke of luck for Kasumi that Ranma had decided to do it here, near the shopping district, where she could pretend to be doing something she normally did. If Ranma had been waiting on a residential roof, she would have probably ended up making neighbors think she was going mad, wandering pointlessly in circles.
Happosai, she realized. Ranma would be waiting for Happosai to make his daily rounds. She must have seen the old man woould pass by here and taken up station to intercept him. That relaxed her a bit. Ranma was just trying to be helpful.
Well, he could be more helpful. He could just get that packet with their cures right now. Maybe he would do that after dealing with Happosai.
She moved on to the next store. Hopefully she would be able to notice if, and when, he moved.
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Shampoo mounted her bike and headed out for her delivery. She had heard that the boy responsible for her curse, Tatewaki Kuno, would be out on a date with Akane today. She thought she recalled there was some bad blood between them. What would he have done to convince her to go? She hadn't had time to ask the Tendos.
Idly, she thought of slipping on to the Kuno estate an finishing him off. The Kuno gardens had to have their share of squirrels, wouldn't they? No one would be the wiser. But Great-Grandmother had forbidden any retaliation. She put her thoughts of revenge away.
This delivery was quite a ways away anyhow. All the way in Juuban. She pedaled as fast as she could. Perhaps she would run into a youma! That would relieve her stress.
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Soun and Genma were closing in on the Kuno estate. Genma was in panda form; he didn't expect to be much longer. Somewhere in this estate should be a packet of Instant Spring of Drowned Man water Kuno was reserving for himself to be there. Naturally they didn't trust him to allow them to use the artificial pool he would make. They had to get that packet for themselves.
"Careful, Saotome," Soun said. "They have a ninja. Watch the bushes."
They were right to be suspicious of the bushes, but not because anything was hiding in them. Soun began to feel faint as they passed some rare black roses. Genma caught him and held his own breath as he dragged him to the house. Some kind of knockout gas, he realized. He renewed his vigilance for traps.
He checked the kitchen for signs of a packet labelled "Spring of Drowned Man." No luck. He was about to start tearing the place apart when something poked him in the ear. He turned around to see a ninja hanging from the ceiling.
"If you're looking for the master's packets, he left them with friends at the school," the small man said. "They should be waiting there."
The panda left with his companion slung over his shoulder. Sasuke wondered how long it would take them to get back after finding no one at the school. Perhaps they would tear the place apart all day.
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Ukyo kept her eyes peeled and her spatula at the ready. She didn't like keeping her shop closed for the day, forgoing the money to be made, but she wasn't obsessive about it like Nabiki. She knew her priorities. Ranma had a plan, and had told her her place in it.
Her place was to keep a certain blind spot under control. According to the best view Ranma could get, Mousse was somewhere in this part of town. She would have to make sure he didn't get too close to Ranma until the appointed time.
She ducked into several restaraunts before she found him - working as a delivery boy, it seemed. She followed him from the rooftops, knowing she would draw his attention eventually. Ranma had warned he would have an arsenal of weapons under his clothes. She had brought a full complement of her own tricks to deal with him.
She followed at street level, waiting for the right moment. She hoped Ranma's plan worked.
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Ranma-chan basked on her rooftop, waiting for Happosai. She had found if she just let the old freak be himself she could see his movements much more clearly. That meant, of course, submitting to some groping, but that also made him more vulnerable. No one seemed to have a hard time hitting him once he latched on to someone's chest.
The hard part about waiting was keeping a straight face. All these cursed people chasing after a cure that would only work for an hour. He could at least feel good about himself for not being a true sadist. He might lead people on wild goose chases, but not to the degree he knew Shampoo could.
If only he could give everyone more concrete reassurances. That was the hard part about being able to see a changeable future: so many times, he could see, the good outcomes weren't possible if the wrong people - which might include the benificiaries - knew what was coming.
It was like so many of the masters his father had trained him under had said: it isn't the destination; it's the journey. Sometimes there were no shortcuts.
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The dating couple had reached the amusement park. Akane decided to lay down the law. "First rule: I don't kiss on a first date."
"Your modesty is one of your signal virtues," Kuno said.
"Second rule: No touching. We pretend we're just two strangers who happen to be walking together."
"Ah! But then it is not a date. I would shout from the rooftops!" He climbed up a lamppost. "IT IS A MOST GLORIOUS DAY! THE FAIR AKANE TENDO AND I ARE ON A DATE!"
Akane dragged himdown and pinded him silent. "Third rule! NO SHOUTING!"
"I understand..." Kuno said, massaging his lumps. "Now let be in line."
Akane gritted her teeth and put up with several minutes of Kuno's gushing as they waited to reach the ticket stand. Once in the park proper Kuno immediately steered them toward the gaming arcade, heading straight for a game of knocking over cups with gaming tokens. He indicated the stuffed animals on the shelves. "Name your prize."
Akane chose the worst-looking thing she could, something she would find easy to throw away afterward. Kuno put down his money and picked up his three tokens. He missed completely.
"Ha! I bet I can do it!" Akane was starting to let her competitive nature run. Neither of them had really done any practice with projectiles, so this seemed a test of raw talent. She was betting she could show him up. She put down her money.
She did little better than Kuno, knocking over only one cup. "ARGH! I just know I can do this!" She put down more money.
"A fair contest," Kuno judged. "Let us see who wins first." He matched her game for game.
Fifty feet away through the crowd, Nabiki sweatdropped as the two gave it try after try. "Can't either of them PLAY this game...?"
Kuno finally won in five tries. Akane insisted on continuing for eighteen more. "It can't be this hard!" She threw her tokens hard enough to stick in the back wall, but kept missing the stacked cups. Several times her token went between the gaps among them.
Nabiki was glad when they finally moved on; she was losing entirely too much money at ring toss. She suspected Akane would be even worse, with her record. "And I bet Ranma would win every try..."
The couple then went strolling around the grounds. Akane couldn't contain her curiousity. "So, Kuno, where is that powder?"
"Powder? Of what do you speak?"
She grabbed his arms almost tightly enough to cut off circulation. "The Instant Nyannicuan powder!"
"Ah. I see I bore you. Far be it from me to cause you grief. We shall return home."
"It's there, isn't it? We get to use it now!" Akane could barely contain her excitement.
"Nay. Perhaps some other day, when you are more focused..."
Akane dragged him toward the teacup ride. "Let's have a little tea."
Nabiki moved to follow. So did a black bird, though no one noticed.
Akane tried not to focus on Kuno's face as he babbled on about nothing coherent. She looked around at the crowd and saw Nabiki trying to get her attention. She waved.
"Someone you know?" Kuno asked.
"No one!" Akane said. "What were you were saying...?"
Nabiki took several minutes trying to convey her message to Akane by sign language. Akane couldn't figure out what she was trying to say. "I should get him to play pachinko? Wait, no... try the go-karts? No... Karaoke? No..."
Finally Nabiki got a placard and wrote out a large message worthy of Genma. [CHECK HIS CLOTHES, BAKA!]
Akane scowled and looked away. This took her to face Kuno. "Say, Kuno-san..." She laid her hands on his suit. It looked dry; the slimy feeling must be her imagination. "How did you learn that Hundred Blows trick? Is it something like Ranma did with the Amaguriken?"
Kuno expostulated for minutes on his techniques and how he had learned them. Akane tried feeling around Kuno's pockets, but nothing seemed like a packet of dust to her. Finally he decided her roaming hands indicated she wanted to get physical. "Akane... you really mean you wish to... kiss?" He pursed his lips, inviting her.
Akane broke away and dragged him out of the ride. "I need to freshen up. Where's the restrooms...?"
Nabiki was relieved to meet her sister in the ladies' room. "How are you going to find anything in his clothes feeling him like that? You have no idea how to search pockets, do you?"
"I am NOT going to be giving him any more ideas! YOU feel him up if you have to!"
"How am I supposed to do that? I can't get near him!"
"Why not? You could just bump into him!"
"It's going to take a bit more than that..."
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Shinnosuke was frantic. He had to get into get into that park! Kuno had to know His plan was about to go up in smoke.
Kuno had been unusually cautious. It had seemed warranted. He had given the packets to Hiroshi, a boy in their class, whom Kuno had thought he could trust. Hiroshi had not known what the packets were, and had known better than to ask. He was told to keep them in a safe place, somewhere no one would look.
Kuno's trust had only gone so far, of course. He had told Shinnosuke to keep an eye on Hiroshi and the packets. He lived next door, so it was easy to get a view of Hiroshi's house. He had seen Hiroshi put them in his sister's dresser and walk away, apparently thinking they were secure there. His sister, Shinnosuke knew, was out of town for several days, and so would not check there.
None of them had reckoned with a now well-known figure in Nerima who regularly did check women's dressers. And now Hiroshi was heading off to Shinjuku or somewhere sufficiently remote from Kuno's wrath while his secret monitor, Shinnosuke, had to tell Kuno of Hiroshi's failure. He did not pretend he could follow the panty thief across the neighborhood rooftops, like Ranma could.
Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money for the park entry fee.
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Soun had woken on the way to Furinkan. The two fathers now stalked the halls, looking for any boys who might be Kuno's associates. Soun wished he had paid more attention to the Kuno boy; maybe he would know by now what his friends would look like.
They had found no one there. "He is loyal to his master," Soun said. "So we must assume it is on his grounds, or else in his hands."
At which moment fate intervened. Happosai went by with several sets of ladies' underwear in hand. "What a haul! What a haul!" He stopped a moment and noticed his two students. "Ah. What brings you two out here on a Sunday? As you can see, school is not in session."
The two were looking wide-eyed at him. "Master... you have..."
"Oh, such silky darlings! I suppose you want them for yourself? Well, you can't have them! Steal your own!" He kicked them both away and set off on a course for destiny.
Genma and Soun got up and followed after him as fast as possible. They needed that underwear. Specifically the pair with two packets of Instant Spring powder in it.
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Akane was trying to steer Kuno to where Nabiki was pointing. The Haunted House, it looked like. Of course! Plenty of dark halls and rooms there.
"A haunted house? Good for a laugh, I suppose. The true samurai has no fear of death." He went along, not noticing Nabiki going in well ahead of them.
A child nearby pointed out a bird to his mother. "Look! Mommy! A parrot!"
The mother looked in the direction her son pointed. "Where? I don't see anything."
"On that pole!" He pointed at the top of a lamppost.
"That's no parrot. It's black."
"But look at it! It's just like a parrot!"
"No. There are no black parrots."
In the haunted house the halls were suitably dark. Akane tried running on ahead. "Come on, Kuno! This way!"
"No need to hurry... there is much to see..." He suddenly felt fingers all over him, probing his shirt, jacket, pants. "Akane! So forward! Yes... I can feel the passion burning within you..."
Akane tried to shut out Kuno. Just what was Nabiki doing to him? Was she really just searching him?
Suddenly Kuno stopped, his voice muffled. There was a tiny sucking sound. It abruptly ended, leaving Kuno gasping for air. She felt someone rush past her in the darkness. "Nabiki!" she whispered.
"You owe me big time for this, sis," Nabiki whispered back before heading toward the exit.
Kuno bumped into her and took her arm. "Well, it seems you have decided to drop the charade and show your passion. Should we return immediately or do you wish to continue to enjoy the park?"
"We're going," she said. The sooner they got this over with, the safer.
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Ranma-chan checked her watch. "Three... two... one..."
There he was, bouncing along the rooftops. She ducked down low and waited where she could see him land. Right on cue, he fell into Ranma's arms. "What? Ranma, my girl! Don't you have your own panties by now?"
Ranma said nothing, turning toward her target and checking the angle. She gave the old master a mighty punt over the rooftops. the fathers landed, noticed Happosai's new directino, and adjusted.
Down on the street, Kasumi saw Ranma heading after them. They were moving quite fast. She was hard pressed to follow.
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Ukyo had traced Mousse to several deliveries. It seemed as if he had no plans to attack Ranma that day after all.
Plans or not, he could still react to events. Such as seeing Shampoo coming the other way up the street. The nearly blind master of hidden weapons could not contain himself. "Shampoo! I'm here! I have a plan -"
Shampoo pulled out a bonbori and smashed Mousse over the head. "You is lucky today, Mousse. Shampoo have delivery or you die now."
The two had stopped in the middle of the residential street. At that moment a small figure carrying a bag full of ladies' underwear landed on a nearby roof after an extened ballistic flight. He got his bearings and hopped down, landing next to Shampoo's bike. "Ooh, a snack!" Happosai opened the delivery box and made off with a bowl of noodles.
"You! Stop! Thief!" Shampoo turned the bike around and started to pedal after the stolen delivery. She was hindered by a panda landing on her, sending her to the ground.
Mousse was instantly at her side. "Shampoo! Are you all right?" He looked at the panda and its human companion as they ran off after the thief. Blades erupted from his sleeves as he joined the chase. "I will avenge you Shampoo!"
Ukyo realized this was her cue. As Shampoo was getting her bike up and starting to pedal after Happosai, she interposed herself in Mousse's way. "Hey, you! We got business!" She held her spatula ready.
Mousse paused. "You! You are Saotome's woman? I knew I should not have let you live. Now Ranma will have to show himself to save you! PREPARE TO DIE!"
Kasumi arrived nearly a minute later to see the two going at. She let them fight their own battle. Nabiki had told her to follow Ranma, and that was what she would do. She wished she could run faster. Keeping up with trained martial artists wasn't easy.
It got consideraby easier when Mousse realized Ukyo was delaying him. He brought out a pail of water and threw it at her. "Let's see how well you fight as a fox!"
Ukyo batted the wave of water away with her spatula. "Not so fast! Ranchan warned me to look out for that!" She threw some batter-glue to immobilize his legs. They now shared a rooftop, facing off agaisnt each other as the noodle thief and Shampoo gained distance on them.
Then Ukyo noticed where her deflected water had landed. "Kasumi -? Oh, I'm so sorry, Kasumi! Don't worry, I'll change you back when I've dealt with -" Her own words were cut off as Mousse hit her with another bucket.
"Foolish woman! You shouldn't let yourself get distracted in battle! Now where did I put that solvent..." He fumbled in his robes and brought out a tube of solvent, freeing his legs. "Shampoo! I'm coming!"
The fox crawled out of her clothes. She looked down at the unicorn standing amid shreds of clothing. *Looks like I owe her a new dress, too...* The two of them headed after Mousse, racing to catch up.
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Tatewaki Kuno was not exactly pleased to see Shinnosuke at the exit to the park. "Shinnosuke! What are you doing here? Has something happened?"
Shinnosuke explained the situation. "So... I should have known better than to entrust them to Hiroshi. That panty thief is in league with Saotome..."
"He's in league with himself!" Akane protested.
The distinction was lost on Kuno. "Ranma has tipped his hand at last. He is making his play for your hand! No doubt he will have our cures by now. I shall find him and defeat him once and for all for your hand!" He drew his bokken from the folds of his coat - Akane would not have thought they could hold the weapon - and rushed off to find his nemesis.
"Kuno! Wait!" Akane followed. She wondered if Happosai knew those packets were in his stash. He would have no reason to hold on to them. Maybe he could be convinced to turn them over.
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The outdoor bazaar looked peaceful enough, but the vendors who had set up their stands for the day couldn't help but feel apprehensive. One never knew when a youma would appear these days. They prayed the Sailor Senshi were about, ready to defend them before they suffered too much loss of business.
The earring vendor didn't know how lucky she was; the very people she was counting on for protection were now examining her wares. "How do these look?" Usagi held up some earrings to her ears for Mamoru's consideration.
"They look gorgeous. But they're a bit pricey. I am on a student budget, you know."
Usagi was crestfallen. She hung her head, bowing to the inevitable. "I suppose it's the way of young love. You can never have anything good."
"We have all we need," Mamoru said. "We have each other."
Usagi clung to Mamoru as they waked away from the earring stand and examined other vendors. "That's true. Just you and me..." She felt a sudden breeze as something rushed past. The breezy feeling didn't stop. "... and MY UNDERWEAR!"
The pair were suddenly trampled by a panda. Then run over by a ramen delivery girl on a bicycle. Then bowled over by several women and a man brandishing numerous blades. Then nearly trampled again by a horse - wait, was that a horn on its head? - with a fox riding on it.
Usagi shook her head to clear it. She looked up at the receding train. "A unicorn? That is SOOO chintzy." Suddenly she remembered her distress. "Hey! Wait a minute! That freak has my bra!" She took off to join the train. Mamoru rushed to join her.
"Usako! Are you all right?"
"No I'm not! That guy up ahead took my bra right out of my clothes! It must be a youma!" She raced ahead of the unicorn and joined the pack of women. "Did all of you get underwear stolen too?"
"Yes!" one of them said. "We know this guy! He's notorious in Nerima! The police can't stop him!"
"I know someone who can..." Usagi dropped out of the chase, ducked into an alley, and opened her communicator. "Minna! There's a youma stealing underwear at the outdoor bazaar!" She reported her position to the others.
"A youma stealing underwear?" Rei said. "Where is Nephrite getting these guys from?"
"I don't know and I don't care! It's got my bra! For the crime of stealing women's underwear, in the name of the Moon I'LL KILL THAT PERVERT!"
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As Kuno had said, it was not hard to find Happosai. The dating party now headed through the streets to intercept him.
Kuno didn't see a girl come around a corner and collide with her, sending both down in a heap. Akane was glad of the chance to gain distance from him and surged ahead. Kuno swore and began disentangling himself from the other girl.
"Watch where you're going, you clumsy, ignorant -" He stopped in sudden amazement as he finally got a good look at her. Such enchanting eyes, such an angelic face. And that hair, that brilliant red hair, tied in a pigtail in back. "You... I'm sorry miss. I... who are you? Something about you seems... almost familiar..."
The girl was still too dazed and surprised to form a coherent response. She just looked at him dumbly. His outburst seemed not to have registered, at least. "I'm alright. Are you hurt?" He helped her to her feet.
Kuno remembered what he was doing. "Forgive me, pig-tailed girl... I shall see you later... perhaps if I can find you tonight..." He gathered himself up and ran to catch up to Akane.
Three older boys came up behind her. "Hikaru! We saw you get knocked over. Are you alright? Did you see who it was?"
"I'm fine, Satoru. That boy... I think that was the one guy you faced at the last tournament..."
"Tatewaki Kuno?" Most disturbing. Given his apparent delusions of nobility, this should be an honest accident and not an assault. But if he started showing interest in Hikaru... "Masaru, Kakeru. I think we should be on watch for that one. I don't like the look he was giving Hikaru..."
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The boy in question, meanwhile, was reaching an ideal point in front of Happosai to stop him in his tracks - as if anything could. He stood in the old freak's path and held his weapon ready. "Fiend! Today you shall know the wrath of the heavens! Feel the might of the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!"
Happosai merely leaped on his head and over him. A vein popped on Kuno's forehead. "Wait! Stop, that I may smite you!" He now took off in pursuit.
Akane was a few paces back. "Akane! Good to see you!" Happosai waved a brassiere. "I think I have one of yours in here somewhere..."
"Give all that stuff back, you pervert!" Akane joined the train at its head. She didn't notice Ranma-chan behind her, dropping back.
Nabiki was a hundred yards up the shopping street, trying to get a good look at how Kuno and her sister were doing. A man passed in front of her pulling a cart loaded with bottled water. Happosai bounded over the bottles. "What -?" She noticed something in one of the panties hanging out of his bag. "The powder -"
Several people now crashed into the bottled water cart from behind Nabiki. Kuno instinctively used his bokken to cut through. Neriman instincts, naturally, left much to be desired: he succeeded in splashing himself, Akane, and Nabiki. Now a mouse, he found it hard to keep up with the pervert.
Akane and Nabiki found it much easier. Ducks and wolves were faster than humans.
As were unicorns. Kasumi, carrying Ukyo-fox on her back, was gaining on Happosai, passing the human women following him. A mouse leapt to her back to join Ukyo. The fox-girl gave the mouse a look of death.
The unicorn soon caught up with the duck and the wolf. The mouse decided the wolf made a safer mount.
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The group cleared the shopping district and reached a plaza with a fountain. A black bird flew down from a tree in front of Happosai, plucking something from the sack on his back. It soared over the approaching animals and several women, carrying the packets in its talons.
The animals, being in front, noticed their shifting objective. They reversed course as they splashed into the fountain. This ran them into a bicycle, knocking Shampoo down and changing her. A general melee ensued. The human women started flowing around the fountain after their own quarry.
One of the women stayed back. Ranma-chan leapt up and grabbed the bird out of the air. "Going somewhere?" she said to the blackened parrot as she tore the packets out of its grip. She then threw them toward the fighting group in the fountain. "Ucchan! Catch!"
"Saotome!" Mousse had now caught up. "At last I have you! PREPARE TO DIE!" He jumped deliberately over Ranma-chan's head, throwing a few chain weapons to delay her, and landed in the fountain. The tiger that emerged stood its ground, waiting for Ranma to lose her mind. It did not take long. Ranma was soon running away in fear. The tiger tried to follow, but was hindered by a squirrel and a fox attacking its face, forcing it back into the fountain.
A minute later several sailor-suited warriors for Love and Justice and one man in tuxedo jumped down into the area. "Eww. What a mess," Sailor Moon said. "What happened here?"
"Why is that wolf wearing a bathing suit?" Makoto asked.
Mercury scanned the group. "There's dark energy over them, but they have human signatures underneath," she said.
A dark shape now wandered near the fountain and squealed as it hopped on the rim. Sailor Mars looked in surprise at her pet pig. "P-chan? You followed us here?"
Tuxedo Mask reminded the Senshi of their duty at a time like this. "If these are transformed people, we need to help them. Sailor Moon?"
"Right," Sailor Moon said. She pulled out the Crescent Moon Wand. The words and movements of the spell came to her as if by instinct. "MOON HEALING ESCALATION!"
Bright light washed over the fountain and the animals in it. Onlookers, having gathered to watch a rare case of the Senshi in action in daytime, suddenly had spots in their eyes. When they cleared, several of the men developed nosebleeds.
"Yow!" Sailor Moon suddenly grabbed Tuxedo Mask and faced him away from the group. "Ecchi!"
The other Senshi blushed and averted their gazes. "They're all naked!" Mars said.
The bystanders had noticed this. There were more blinding flashes, this time from cameras. The naked people in the pool faced down and dove under water. Akane kept her head up, ready to smash perverts reaching in to the fountain.
The prevert who had started all this wasn't so easy to stop. He had now backtracked, his attention attracted by the lightshow. "Akane... my sweet Akane! And Kasumi! And... all of you..."
He was so paralyzed by this vision of paradise he forgot his victims still chasing him. "HENTAI!" "Give us back our things!" "Burn in Hell!"
Standing near the back of the crowd, Ranma-chan smiled. The fear hadn't been as bad as she'd made it look. Now Mousse was no threat, and everyone in Nerima was uncursed.
"I love it when a plan comes together," she said as she slipped away into the afternoon.
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AN: I've always felt that in any Ranma/SM crossover Moon Healing Escalation should cure Jusenkyo curses, even if they are wild magic having nothing to do with the Dark Kingdom. It's author's prerogative, of course, to make it a bit harder; John Biles in his great unfinished epic "Children of Fire" ruled for that fic that it would take the guinzuishou fully channeled, at risk to Usagi's life. But I am disappointed to not see many authors even address the point - the NWC suffer from a magical malady and the Senshi have a dispelling attack available. I haven't read enough Ranma/Harry Potter crossovers to know how the matter is addressed in them, but I'm willing to bet those types of crossovers need a deeper discussion of the issue to go anywhere.
In case anyone missed it: The girl Kuno bowls over on his way to intercepting Happosai is Hikaru Shido from Magic Knight Rayearth. I am also hoping to get a Tenchi Muyo cameo in later.
As to the ideas thrown out so far: I may do them at some point if I get time, but for now they are just to provoke thought.