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Retribution (Chapter 4)

Wandering over a good portion of the palace gardens, Cara finally spotted who she had been looking for. Seeing the Seeker in a small clearing with his sword drawn and his shirt off, she slowly made her way over to him.

Sweat glistened on his muscles in the fading light of the early evening sun. His jaw was set, his eyes fierce with determination as he moved purposefully. He was one with his sword as he went through the training exercises Zedd had taught him so many months ago soon after giving him the Sword of Truth. Even though more skilled than any Seeker before him, Richard still liked to return to those beginning exercises to refocus his mind and vent his frustrations.

"Fighting with yourself or a creature that only you can see?"

Ignoring her sarcastic comment, Richard continued his focused movements as he purposefully performed each drill. He was in no mood for conversation at that point especially after having spent most of the day outside cutting wood and running through his practice exercises. The rage of the sword was united with the fury that burned in his blood, feeding off of it as well as fueling it. It was the only thing he could possibly think to do after what happened that morning with Kahlan, the only way to temporarily escape the pain.

Walking closer, Cara settled herself on a large boulder that had been meant for decoration purposes in the garden but worked just as well as a spot to rest. Perched on top of the large rock, Cara pulled her knees up as she watched the Seeker calmly perform his exercises. The resolve and focus that had settled over him was in stark contrast to the emotional chaos that had been there that morning. He still had that look in his soulful eyes that rattled her, but his overall presence had changed somewhat.

"Do you want me to practice with you, Lord Rahl?"

"No."

"Alright…I'll just sit here and keep you company then."

"I'm fine Cara. You don't have to keep me company," he muttered as he refocused his concentrated vision on some unknown spot, his sword gliding precisely and fluidly. "And stop calling me Lord Rahl."

"You are anything but fine, Lord Rahl. You spent the day chopping wood and playing with your sword while the Midlands is about to be overrun with Mord'Sith. I would not call that fine."

He stopped and shot her a lethal glare that she just rolled her eyes at. Seeing that he wasn't going to be left alone any longer, Richard sighed with frustration, placing his sword back into its scabbard before walking over to retrieve his shirt.

Pulling his shirt over his head, Richard made his way over to the Mord'Sith still perched on the rock. "So, what do you want?"

"I want you to be like the Lord Rahl I knew before Kiana, before the Mother Confessor lost the baby," she quietly said as she looked up into the sky, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with expressing her feelings. It was not something a Mord'Sith did often or did very well.

"I don't know if I can, Cara," he answered, his voice devoid of emotion.

"You've lost your will to fight," she defiantly told him. "Don't you want to avenge your child, extract revenge for what Kiana and the Mord'Sith did to Kahlan?"

"Yes, I want that!" he snapped. "But we don't always get what we want," he bitterly replied, shame and anger pounding away at his heart.

"You're going to have to fight sooner or later or Aydindril and the Midlands will be lost to the Mord'Sith. And there is no predicting what Denna is up to."

"I know that, Cara, but what do you expect me to do? Kahlan just went through a horrifying experience and the loss of our child. She is in no shape to travel or fight." He stood glaring at her, his arms crossed tightly across his chest which was now heaving with his anger.

"You need to stop thinking with your heart like Richard and think with your head like the Seeker you are," she defiantly answered him, her eyes never leaving his.

"You want me to be cold and heartless like you?" he shot back, the rage of the sword and the fury in his heart still united in his blood.

Cara was taken aback by his cutting words. Before she would have just shrugged off his retort, but now after spending so many months gaining back some of her humanity, she found his words stung. She was no longer the soulless, emotionless person she had been. She had grown to love her new family and it bothered her to see them suffering.

Seeing hurt flash across her face, Richard let his chin fall to his chest. "I'm sorry, Cara. That was cruel and uncalled for. You're not heartless…at least not anymore," he teased as he lifted his head, giving her a small smile.

"You're forgiven," she softly smiled back, appreciative of the apology.

"I know you're only trying to help and I appreciate it, but for once I'm going to do what is best for Kahlan. The Midlands and Aydindril are just going to have to wait this time."

Cara slowly nodded her head, realizing that she was not going to get any further with him tonight. She just hoped that she would have better luck with the Mother Confessor. She knew that Kahlan would never allow Aydindril to fall into the deadly hands of the Mord'Sith no matter how much heartache she was going through.

"I know you're hurting just as much as Kahlan. I just hope you find your will to fight before it's too late," she said with a sigh, jumping down off the rock. "Are you planning on spending the night out here?" she questioned, her words thick with sarcasm.

Richard's eyes narrowed with her question. Looking around him, he abruptly noticed the sun beginning to set. He had been so consumed with forgetting that he had lost all track of time. As the sun began to dip behind the horizon, shadows began growing larger. Little flicking lights of fireflies began shining here and there also signaling the approaching night.

"I guess I just lost track of time. Go on ahead; I'll be there shortly," he said absentmindedly, wondering how Kahlan was doing. Her absence from his side was like a crushing blow to his heart.

"Alright…Lord Rahl," Cara teased with a smirk as she made her way back into the palace.

Richard sighed as he leaned against the large rock Cara had just occupied, his thoughts consumed with Kahlan. It had been torture staying away from her all day, but how could he not follow her wishes. He would give her anything she asked for no matter the cost.

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, his eyes began to scan the Sovereign's Palace that loomed large before him. The colorful setting sun's rays bathed the palace in beautiful shades of oranges and pinks, creating ominous gray shadows in spots.

Richard was about to leave when something suddenly caught his eye. He turned his attention to a balcony on the third floor. The doors had abruptly opened, light from the room flooding the terrace and outlining a graceful, delicate figure as it moved out onto the balcony.

He instantly recognized it as Kahlan, her hair having been restored to its luxurious length. She was still dressed in the enticing nightdress that made his heart skip a beat. A warm breeze began to stir the long strands of her hair, causing them to softly whip around her face. He wished more than anything to be standing with her on that balcony right now, holding her close to him, making her see how much he truly loved her.

She slowly leaned forward, grasping the balcony ledge as she gazed out into the distance at the setting sun, her beautiful hair falling over her shoulders. He unconsciously gasped for air that Kahlan's appearance had suddenly denied him, his heart constricting with loneliness and sorrow. Spirits, he missed her so much that at times he thought he would go mad. Swallowing hard, Richard despondently made his way back towards the palace.

XXX

Having accepted an offer of a steaming hot bath, Kahlan felt better than she had when she woke this morning. The bath had been filled with fragrant fresh rose petals from the palace garden and had been exactly what she needed to feel like a real woman again instead of just a bruised and battered empty shell. Zedd had thankfully restored her hair to its natural length, helping her feel a little more like herself again despite the emptiness that filled her heart.

Holding up the freshly cleaned white nightdress, Kahlan was reminded of that passionate night in Irica when she and Richard had made love long into the night, creating their daughter. She gently ran her fingers over the satiny material, remembering how Richard had caressed her skin through the silky fabric. His strong hands had hungrily removed it from her body, allowing it to pool at her feet on the floor before taking her to their bed.

While her heart still ached, Kahlan was exhausted from crying and didn't think she had any more tears to shed. Her mind was a cyclone of tormented emotions. She felt so drained even though she had slept all afternoon after talking with Zedd. Tears welled up inside of her at times but she swallowed them, pushing them back down deep inside of her, trying to lock them away.

She didn't want to cry any more. Talking with Zedd had helped some, had given her a ray of hope that she and Richard would get through this. She hoped Richard would be able to forgive her after this morning. She just couldn't bear to see the grief in his eyes knowing that she had put it there.

Thoughts of Richard made her loneliness that much more unbearable. While she had pushed him away this morning, wishing to be alone with her pain and anguish, she wanted nothing more than for him to hold her now. Zedd had been right. They both needed each other now more than ever.

Pulling the nightdress over her head, Kahlan smoothed the delicate material as it clung to her curves. Finding her brush among her things, she set to work removing the tangles from her hair, joyous in the fact that she once again had knots to work out. She readily decided that never again would she complain about her hair.

Brushing the silky strands, she aimlessly began to roam around the room, wondering where Richard was at that moment. She was still unsure of herself, uncertain if she would be able to stand seeing the hurt in his dark brown eyes, but she had a renewed resolve to help him and herself get through this. Zedd had told her that losing her baby was not her fault. She wanted so desperately to believe him and a small part of her did, but the guilt still lingered and likely would for some time. She could not let Richard go on feeling just as guilty as she did.

Walking around the foot of the bed, she stopped by the hard-back chair that still sat close to her bed. Releasing the hair she had in hand, she ran her fingers along the top of the back of the chair. Even though unconscious, Kahlan had somehow felt his presence, knew that he had been there with her all along. It brought a small smile to her lips, knowing that despite his sorrow, Richard had stayed by her side taking care of her.

Returning to her task, she ran the brush down the silky strands as she stopped by the balcony doors. The sun was just beginning to set, the warm colors setting the sky on fire in shades of orange, red, and pink.

Just as she was about to turn away, a familiar movement caught her eye. She paused, concentrating on the form that was outlined by the sun's fading rays, light glinting off of a familiar sword. She pressed a hand to the glass as she watched his fluid movements that held such strength and control, wanting so desperately to touch him. Her body ached to have him near her, his strong arms wrapped so protectively around her again, comforting her.

Kahlan suddenly realized that she was breathing heavily with longing for the man that possessed her heart. Her love and desire for him could not be vanquished even by the bitter grief that she carried. She watched with growing desire as he moved, turning his sword one way before slicing another. His movements were strong and exact, his raptor gazed focused on an unseen foe, his gift as the Seeker evident in every action he took and every move he made. The site of him made her heart flutter in her chest.

She caught a glimpse of red leather sitting on a large rock in the small clearing where Richard was practicing his exercises. She watched with mild amusement knowing that Cara was no doubt there to antagonize her Lord Rahl.

Kahlan turned and laid the brush down, deciding she needed to get some air. Deep down, she secretly hoped that maybe Richard would see her on the balcony, that he would come to her room. Maybe he was still upset after what happened this morning and didn't want to see her. Pushing aside the uncertainty, she finally decided there was only one way to find out.

Taking a deep breath and giving up a silent prayer to the spirits, Kahlan opened the balcony doors, candlelight from her bedroom washing the terrace in bright light. She slowly walked out onto the porch, the brilliant sunset immediately catching her attention. Little sparks of light flickered as the fireflies danced about as if putting on a performance just for her. A sudden breeze caused her hair to gently fly around her face. She ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to tame the runaway locks.

Lost in wonderment by the winged creature's courtship dance, Kahlan grasped the balcony ledge, feeling a sense of peace begin to wash over her. For the first time, she began to think that maybe things were going to be all right.

Finally breaking her gaze away from the light show, Kahlan scanned the darkening gardens for Richard. The spot that he had just occupied was now empty, the rock abandoned. Disappointed, she sighed as she returned to her room, closing the doors behind her. Hopefully, Richard had seen her in those few short moments that she had been outside.

Walking to the bed, Kahlan settled herself in Richard's hard-back chair, reaching for the tray of food that had been brought to her room while she had been bathing. Taking the bowel, Kahlan idly stirred the stew, taking only a couple of small bites. She knew that she should eat to build up her strength, but she didn't feel much like it at the moment. Her mind was too occupied with thoughts of Richard, trying to sort through the barrage of emotions that stormed inside of her.

With a sigh, she placed the tray aside, blowing out a few of the candles, leaving others lit before climbing back into her bed. Pulling the blanket over her, she wiped a stray tear that suddenly escaped. Closing her eyes, Kahlan prayed that Richard would find it in his heart to forgive her someday.

XXX

"My boy! You decided to come in after all."

Richard turned at the sound of his grandfather's booming voice that filled the corridor. "I had to or Cara would have never left me alone," he said with mild exasperation.

"She was just showing her concern in her own unique way," Zedd softly chuckled, coming to stand beside the Seeker.

"How's Kahlan?" he softly asked, averting his eyes, not wanting his grandfather to see the pain that jabbed his heart with speaking her name.

"I think she's doing a little better. It's going to take some time. She blames herself just the same as you feel you deserve the blame."

"I just love her so much, Zedd. I can't lose her." He tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. He had to fix this but he didn't even know how or where to start.

"Seems I heard all of this earlier today from a certain Confessor," Zedd grinned. "First of all, you both need to forgive yourself; lay the blame with who deserves it. It was neither of your faults. Tragic things happen, sometimes for no reason and there's not always much we can do to prevent them. Second of all, she's just as scared of losing you. You need to talk to her, Richard."

"I've tried, Zedd, but she pushed me away," he said, his words brimming with hurt and anger.

"So, you just give up now? Wash your hands of it? Walk away from the woman you love and fought so hard for? Because I'm pretty sure when we reach Aydindril and this fight with the Mord'Sith and the Keeper is over, the Council is going to push her to take a mate to continue the line of Confessors."

"No, I'm not giving up on Kahlan and I'm not about to give her up for any reason," he heatedly replied, growing angry at the thought of Kahlan being taken from him. Thoughts of another man being with her began running through his mind, causing his blood to run cold.

"Well then, I suggest you do something about it." Zedd smiled to himself as he watched Richard's jaw set with determination, knowing that he had gotten his point across.

Richard could only nod his head before turning and starting down the corridor. No matter how painful this was going to be, he knew they needed to talk. He was not about to risk losing her forever. The thought frightened him more than anything he'd ever encountered after all these months as the Seeker or anything yet to come with Keeper.