Chapter 17: Set-ups

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Genma was still in a sour mood in the morning. He could take losing a fight to his son; that was what he was training him so hard for, after all. But to join a super-hero fight in that ridiculous costume - he did not see how the Saotome honor would survive. "We HAVE to get you a proper ninja suit," he said. "Or your own set of samurai armor."

"Do you know how much armor costs?" Soun said.

"Would you? Yours is a family heirloom," Genma pointed out.

"Oh, Nabiki prices everything in the house," Kasumi said. "Just in case we need to sell something to cover expenses."

"If we have to buy it, more than we can afford," Nabiki said. "If we're selling, less than we'd like."

"We are NOT selling it," Soun insisted.

"Didn't say we were..." Nabiki said.

"I can't do anything about the costume," Ranma said. "It comes with the powers."

"You shouldn't need those powers!" his father roared. "You should rely on your own strength."

"My powers are as reliable as my arms and legs," Ranma said. "Same principle."

"Can we skip all this heavy talk?" Akane asked. "I think we need a holiday to lighten things up."

"That's a good idea, Akane," Kasumi said. "It's going to be very warm this weekend. How about a trip to the beach?"

There was much support for that idea. Ranma had other concerns. "Anyone seen the old freak? Didn't he come back last night?" It was too much to hope that he was dead.

"He was gone when I came to last night," Genma said. "I would think one of his bolt-holes. He has a lot of places he can go if he doesn't want to stay here."

"Every dumpster in Tokyo..." Ranma said dismissively.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

At school, there was talk about the Senshi battle from the previous night. Rumors flew that there was all kinds of video taken and at least one person had been killed, in addition to some monsters. Ranma and Ukyo tried to avoid talking about it, feigning disinterest.

Akane devoured every tidbit going around. She cornered Ranma at lunch. "So why didn't you invite me?" she asked. "Too much a princess?"

"We already got one princess who trips over her own feet," Ranma said. "We don't need two."

"Do I understand correctly?" Kuno again poked his head in class, being given to visiting Akane at lunch hours. "A princess of battle? Surely Akane would qualify! You should give her a chance to show the pretender how it is done."

"What's this about princesses?" Ukyo asked.

"Something Nabiki said when she was trying to fix me up with Ranma," Akane explained. "A 'Princess and Barbarian' matchup, wasn't it?" She looked at Ranma for admission.

"Ah yes," Kuno said. "As I recall my history, Chinese dynasties would sometimes marry their princesses off to barbarian chieftans to keep them from invading."

"Which meant the princesses had to learn to become barbarians," Ranma said. "Not the other way around."

"Which is what you'd try to do with Ranchan, no?" Ukyo asked.

"Well, that story would still work out well for her," Ranma said. "She'd be the barbarian..."

He didn't try to dodge the book-bashing over the head.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Ukyo was somewhat more subdued when Ranma got a chance to talk with her. "I think I see what you guys are up against," she said. "I could have killed a normal person with my attacks. Those things didn't even have the decency to bleed or stay cut."

"That's why they're Senshi business. You NEED magic to fight them. Shampoo can tell you more about it. Your best bet is to slow them down and block their vision. You actually helped a lot. Mercury can't fog an area as fast as you can, but she can do a wider area. Her power has been real important in our battles. Your moves can be too."

"Shampoo mentioned about using her sword next time, and trying to lop off heads..." She looked at Akane. "What about her? Could you teach her anything to help against youma?"

"She hasn't been interested in special attacks. She's seen me study mine, but she hasn't tried to match me. She has to realize she'll need some if she wants to fight on this level."

"I think she's going to find her way into a battle eventually. She'll keep at it until she finds one."

"Actually, I think she can get a real good power-up soon," Ranma said. "And I may need to ask her to step in for me. She ain't gonna like the side effects, though..."

Ukyo liked his evil grin.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The beach was crowded with people trying to enjoy the late days of summer. Ranma wondered at how appropriate it was to be enjoying sun, sand and surf when the Dark Kingdom still lurked about. It was at least some consolation that they would not start going after rainbow crystals for a few weeks.

"Drinks, anyone?" Kasumi said. "We should keep up our energy."

"Energy drinks? On a beach?" Ranma-chan asked. "You'd think the weather would be good enough to keep people awake."

"Haven't you been watching the news, baka?" Akane asked. "There's an epidemic going around."

"An epidemic? Since when? What kind?"

"Probably some virus," Nabiki said. "Causes energy loss. People getting tired very suddenly. Not just Japan - all over the world, it seems."

"Oh, yes," Kasumi added. "It can be quite bad. Lots of people are dying of it."

"Not in Tokyo," Akane said. "Well, not so much. Except when..." She looked at Ranma with suspicion. "When the Sailor Senshi are involved..."

Ranma-chan kept her voice down. "It's got to be the enemy. The Dark Kingdom. They want human energy to fuel their powers and launch their conquest. That's why I don't use chi attacks against them. The last thing you want to do with an enemy in the chi-farming business is give it to them free..."

"The embassy ball..." Nabiki remembered. "The youma drained all the dancers. I was almost one of them..." She shuddered in spite of the heat.

"We can keep the Tokyo area clear," Ranma said, "but it looks like they're rampant everywhere else. They must be getting a lot. And we'll have to go up against it at some point..."

"Looks like there's some people who have no problem keeping up their energy..." Akane said, pointing at a commotion coming up the beach.

It was Happosai. He was up to his usual tricks, carrying a bag of beach wear. A crowd of women wearing towels was after him. "Pervert! Give it back!"

"You senile delinquent!" Ranma jumped on the old hentai. She quickly divested him of his bag and handed the contents back to the pursuers.

This did not keep Happosai down for long. "Phooey! If I can't go treasure hunting, I'm going girl hunting!" He found a watermelon vendor and lifted a melon, which he hollowed out and used as a suit. He began hopping about the beach ladies again. "Pretty ladies! Wanna eat some watermelon?"

Ranma grabbed a bat and smashed him to the sand, destroying his melon-suit. "How do you do it? Keep up YOUR energy?" She had an uneasy feeling she knew.

"Where do you think? Blue skies! White clouds! Bright sun! I love the sea!"

"And the girls who come here..."

"Ahhh! I feel so young!" He turned around for a grope, temporarily getting Ranma paralyzed with disgust.

"There must be some way to calm him down..." *Then again,* she realized, *he doesn't have a grudge about me trying to Dead Scream him last night...* With luck, he didn't realize it was a serious attempt to kill him. Most things which would kill lesser men barely fazed him.

Cologne had decided to take the Nekohanten on the road to follow Ranma - and Happosai, now that he might be a threat to the war effort. Shampoo came up the beach with take-out cases of chilled ramen. "Nihao, Ranma!" She put down the cases and glomped Ranma-chan. "I so happy! Ranma come to beach after Shampoo!"

"YOU came after ME!"

"What are you two GIRLS doing?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, what?" Ukyo asked from nearby. "I came WITH Ranchan. You guys came on your own."

Ranma quickly moved to her side. "Yup. We're still together." This set Shampoo scowling at her rival.

"You two? An item?" Happosai now returned, frustrated so far in his attempts to enjoy the beach his way.

"Fiancees," Ukyo said, putting her arms around Ranma.

"Shampoo is fiancee!" Shampoo also glomped him.

"He must marry a Tendo!" Soun now said.

"Which one, Father?"

"He can drop dead, for all I care," Nabiki said icily.

"Ditto," Akane said.

"Well, that just leaves Kasumi. You don't have any objection, do you, dear?"

She didn't seem to notice the alarmed looks from her sisters. "I suppose not..."

"That's right!" Genma said. "Besides, she has the best cooking!"

Ranma mashed both fathers' faces into the sand. "And why should I marry someone just because YOU want me to? Can't we engage our children or something?"

"Well, as master of the Anything-Goes school," Happosai said, "I don't much care who Ranma marries. Though since you seem to have a lot of fiancees, I'll be glad to take the extras off your hands."

"No way!" Akane said reflexively. "Why don't you go date with Cologne? She's more your age?"

"What, that old sourpuss? I do recall I left her behind ages ago... oh, the tragedy of a young martial artist in training... no time for love..." He bagan to cry into his hands.

"I seem to recall it a bit differently," Cologne said, coming up the beach. "You hit on everyone in the village and we all rejected you. So you stole several of our treasures and ran off!" She was now burning with a substantial battle aura and lashed out with her staff. Happosai narrowly dodged.

"Now now! Why don't we let bygones be bygones? It was quite a while ago, and..."

"And you sold all of it?" Ranma finished. "Except maybe a piece or two." She now held up a bracelet with three jewels on it.

"Ah! My pretty! Give it back!" Happosai jumped for the bracelet. Ranma threw it behind himself to Shampoo before the old man could reach her.

"Great-Grandmother!" Shampoo now ran from Happosai, trying to pass it to Cologne. She just missed, as Happosai did a quick reverse and intercepted it in midair.

"You will return that heirloom!" Cologne said, rushing at Happosai.

He dropped a smoke grenade and disappeared from sight. "An heirloom, eh? Now I'll never return it!"

"You... you monster!" She turned to her great-granddaughter. "Shampoo, you must get that bracelet back before he discovers its secret! If you fail... this world will become a living hell!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Shampoo changed into a one-piece bathing suit and presented herself as bait, sunning on a folding chair. The Tendos and Ranma waited nearby in ambush. Cologne was using a penguin-modelled ice shaver.

"So the secret of the bracelet is its love pills?" Akane asked.

"Correct," Cologne said. "Those 'jewels' are actually pills that make the swallower fall in love with the first person of the opposite sex they see!"

"It ain't so bad," Ranma-chan said. "The greenish one only lasts a few seconds. The bluish one is for a day."

Cologne looked at her in surprise. "That's right... only the last is for a lifetime... so you..."

"Ha ha! I heard it all!" Happosai's voice came from inside the shaver. It was a suit he was wearing. He burst out and took off, holding the bracelet.

"Curse you, Happy!" Cologne called after him as he headed down the beach. But she did not follow herself. "You knew. So did you...?"

Ranma held a finger to her lips. "Let's just see what he does," she said with a grin.

He was absent a while. Since he had their shaved ice maker, the assembled group decided to buy regular ice cream cones. "Do you think he's coming back?" Akane asked.

Ranma-chan looked worried. "I think he might have used them on someone else. Some random woman with no martial arts skills. We're too much trouble." She got up and looked around. "I'm going after him."

"I'm going with you, Ranchan," Ukyo said. They headed up the beach together, finishing their ice cream. They saw Shampoo and Akane going the other way, toward a rocky cove that offered some seclusion.

They soon found Happosai, bracelet now having empty sockets. "Well, well, my boy," he said. "Feeling anything yet?"

"Feeling what?" Ukyo asked. "What did you do?"

"The ice cream..." Ranma said. "You slipped the pills in our ice cream!"

"Right-o! Yours was the lifetime pill! So... when do we set the wedding date?"

"Ranchan! Don't look at him!" She put her hands over Ranma's eyes and began looking around frantically. "Close your eyes! We gotta find some hot water..."

Happosai jumped at Ukyo, prying her hands away. Ranma's eyes were closed; Happosai started throwing punches and kicks, as if in a training session. "Good thing your father hasn't given you blind-fighting training yet!"

"I guess we'll start now, then," Ranma chuckled, holding a guard stance. "Ucchan! Your grill! Use a sauce pan!"

"Right!" Ukyo ran to her grill, emptied a sauce pan, and took it fifty yards to the water, then carried it back to the grill to heat.

The fight had attracted attention; Cologne now came hopping up the beach. Genma and Soun were following in some anger. All jumped on Happosai and kept him away from Ranma long enough for Ukyo to heat the seawater just enough.

She splashed Ranma-chan with the water. "Okay. It should be safe to open your eyes," she said.

She spoke too soon. Happosai broke momentarily from his attackers and managed to hook Ranma's wrist, using his patented throw to send him spinning into the water. Ranma-chan came spluttering back up... and opened her eyes.

Happosai was there. "Yippee! You see me! Gimme a kiss!"

The party seemed to turn to stone. "Ranchan..." Ukyo cried plaintively. "Nooo..."

Ranma gave Happosai a smile... then a leer... then made an ugly face. "BLEEEH! Gotcha!"

"Gahh! Blast it! You didn't swallow!" Happosai was hopping mad. He looked around, stole a convenient energy drink from someone (who protested loudly) and shoved it in Ranma-chan's face. She swallowed several times. "Take that! Let's see if it works now!"

"Ahhh! That hit the spot!" Ranma said. She fixed Happosai with a hard gaze. "Did you really think it was gonna work on me?"

"Ranchan... you found the pill?" Ukyo was suddenly hopeful. "You hid it somewhere?"

"Dammit! I should have known... Where is it? In your suit?" Happosai began trying to invade Ranma-chan's suit. Naturally, he quickly got distracted by the curves and was hammered into submission. Genma and Soun found some netting to tie him up with.

Cologne gave a sigh of relief. "So. You must have seen all of this, then?"

"Not all the details," Ranma said. "Not how the old freak was going to act. But as long as there was a chance the bracelet was in play, I could find what pills were what."

"So where is your pill?" Ukyo asked.

"Destroyed it weeks ago, as soon as I could get to it. I didn't look too closely at the others, they were temporary."

"Nabiki got the thirty-second one," Soun said. "She started looking... strangely ... at a boy."

"Strangely? How strangely?"

"Well, strangely for her... she usually only looks like that when..."

Nabiki now came walking up the beach, looking mortified. "That... was the strangest thing," she said. "I was looking at this boy, and suddenly it was like he was made of money or something..."

"Then what about the last pill? The one that's good for a whole day?" Ukyo asked.

"I gave that to Akane," Happosai taunted. "I thought the two younger sisters needed a taste of love in their lives. I bet something permanent comes from this! A taste of love to blossom into true romance!"

Shampoo and Akane were now coming up the beach. Akane was hanging off the arm of none other than Tatewaki Kuno. "So, Kuno-sama, do you come to this beach to train often?"

"If this works out, I'd love to see it..." Nabiki said.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"So, Mister Know-It-All, where are they?" Usagi asked.

Ranma was in female form for this meeting at Hikawa Shrine, in case of strange questions she hadn't thought of; she might need to recheck the timeline. Everything was still foggy, as Happosai was going to be a factor now that he knew about Ranma's connection to the Senshi.

"I wouldn't want to get too far ahead of ourselves," she said. "We still gotta GET the Dark Crystal first."

"Granted," Cologne conceded. "But what are the enemy's chances of keeping it for all seven youma?"

"More than I'd like. Actually, things clear up a bit if I just distract Happosai and you guys just go for the Rainbow Crystals without going for the Dark Crystal. But that's also riskier - they will probably get a few crystals and we'll have to fight for 'em."

"Well, what if we CAN get the Dark Crystal?" Makoto asked. "Who actually has these Rainbow Crystals?"

"It makes sense to have contingiency plans," Ami said. She had a pad and paper and a series of maps, ready to take notes.

"Well... first one, actually, is the old man outside."

"My grandpa?" Rei was surprised. "He may be a bit of a hentai, but he's still a good man."

"None of the people are that bad. They have no idea what they are. It's just when they're exposed to the Dark Crystal their old natures resurface."

"Mm-hm. Who else?"

"Well... your grandfather is actually one of the last guys they would be going after, and then he'd show up on our doorstep. The first guy they'll do, the next fight we have, is a guy named Crane Joe. He uses a telekinetic power to clean up at crane games; he hits the Crown next week." She indicated on a close-up map where the fight would start.

"Second is a Catholic priest whose church is over here." She indicated the spot on the city map. "Then a kid who's just transferred into your school for a few weeks, Usagi. I get a clear image of him, but when I try to look at detailed fight strategies, I get headaches. He may have some kind of psychic power of his own."

"Headaches?" Cologne asked. "Do you see images start racing out of control?"

Ranma blinked. "Yeah. You know what it is?"

"It sounds like what happens when our hosts have tried looking at the actions of people who also had predictive powers of their own. None could compare to the Lady's sight, but the clash predictions can give feedback. You should not approach him yourself."

"Huh. Well, after him, there's an artist who lives here. Then a woman named Reika - I think she's tied to someone you guys know. They try to get her at an industrial site here. Then Rei's grandpa. Then the last one..." She shuddered. "I can't see the actual person, just the area they're in." She indcated the area on the map.

"Happosai?" Ami asked.

"No. I can't read it even if I can definitely see him somewhere else. Actually, it feels like what I see when there's cats involved."

"Someone with a cat," Usagi said. "Maybe Luna can help!"

Several people sweatdropped. "Why would you say that?" Makoto asked.

"Well, maybe it's a little old lady with a cat, and we can talk about being cat people..."

"But you're a Bunny..." Ranma said.

"Bunny people and cat people are a lot alike!"

"Since when?" Rei asked.

Cologne tried to keep the discussion on track. "We will just have to find it with our own resources. Bear in mind we want to keep Happosai as far away from you as possible, especially during these fights. For all we know Ranma may indeed be kept busy against Happi the whole time. Right now, we have enough information to try."

"Do we know who the new general is?" Ami asked.

"Name is Zoicite. Blond, bish, pretty much same deal as Nephrite. If we get the Dark Crystal from him, he tries another youma team, about six this time, all at once late in the day. And I think there may be another general involved as well, maybe an ally of his. It's gonna be tough."

"These generals are top-level martial artists themselves, as we saw with Nephrite," Cologne said. "We only defeated him with help from his rival. Now that they are working together, we will all need to be at our best. But we still have the advantage. If they knew about Ranma's ability to see the future, he would be seeing a much different future. They would be moving more cautiously, with more youma, and would certainly put off the guinzuishou to deal with us."

They all crossed their fingers and hoped the Dark Kingdom hadn't gotten a clue yet.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Ukyo was minding her own business when she saw him standing there at the entrance to her shop. "Mousse..." she said darkly.

"Ukyo Kuonji... betrothed of Ranma Saotome... now you will be my-" BONK.

Ranma and Cologne jumped down into the street. They quickly had Mousse trussed up with his own chain weapons. "So he did come..." Ukyo said as she joined them.

"Couldn't stay away, could he? Serves him right going up against me like this. Come on, let's get him someplace safe."

They took him to the back room of the Nekohanten, where they had a few casks of Jusenkyo water for men and women. And one for squirrels. "You'll want to be out of the room for this," Cologne warned Ranma as they placed Mousse in his old steel cage. Its bars were now augmented with chicken wire.

Ranma was out of sight in the back alley when Cologne splashed him. Once again he turned into a tiger. "But he was cured with the rest of us?" Ukyo wondered.

"He went back and got himself cursed again. Unusual care for him to make sure he got the right spring. He knew it was the only one that gave him the advantage over Ranma." She splashed a cask of Nannichuan on him, turning him human again and waking him up.

Ranma re-entered to find Mousse spluttering, then adjusting his glasses. He looked straight at Ranma. "Curse you, Saotome! I will have my revenge! I will have Shampoo!"

Shampoo now came in from the dining room. "Stupid Mousse. Put tail between legs and go back China." She dumped the cask of squirrel water over him. The squirrel came out of his clothes and grabbed the chicken wire, trying in futility to bend it.

In his clothes they had found a ticket for a circus passing through town. "I bet he's staying with these guys," Ranma said. "Better to check and see what his plan was." He knelt down and spoke to the squirrel. "No cures for you this time. You're out of this until the Lady's business is done."

Ranma splashed himself to change. "I haven't seen too clearly beyond this point. Let me see..." She looked ahead to a visit to the circus. "No allies waiting in ambush. Several kinds of water... donkey, elephant, water buffalo? Jeez. Doesn't he realize that would make you hard to fight, even for a tiger?"

"And he had to know we have spare waters now." She indicated the waters, now in steel casks. Not unbreakable to martial artists like them, but it would cut down on accidents.

"Oo, wait... there is a spare man water somewhere... I think we got to get this one. It's been mislabelled. It ends up in a girl's school across town."

"Hmm... wish I'd had that when I was hiding in a boy's school."

"I like you just the way you are."

"So, somebody's going to get popular over there?"

"Some social outcast. I think the 'wa' of the school is way different, though. I wouldn't exactly say we have all fun and games here, but over there... most of the girls lose their virginity, and a bunch of students and teachers end up pregnant." Ranma-chan shuddered at the thought.

"You're right. This is an emergency!" They took off across the rooftops.

In his cage, Mousse fumed. He wished he could use his Hidden Weapons Style in cat form. But his fur had been too short to conceal anything. Feathers might be long enough, but Ranma didn't fear birds.

He needed allies. Powerful allies to help him fight the unfightable foe. Someone who would provide the muscle, or would be willing to accept the curse of becoming a big cat - hmmm... might be possibilities, there, some visitors to Jusenkyo had been known to prefer that spring...

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

"This is the spot," Mamuoru said, checking the map. They were at a sunken ramp between a building and a parking garage. The building was screened by some landscaping with trees and bushes.

"Joe will be heading the way we're facing," Ranma-chan said. "He gets into about the middle of the ramp when Zoicite shows."

"Another ambush?" Ukyo suggested. "Like we did with Nephrite?"

"It's an ideal place for it," Cologne agreed. "We can have someone hide in the bushes and shoot the Dark Crystal out of his hands so it lands in the garage. The rest of us can hide among the cars and jump him to keep him occupied while we pass through and out the other side."

"We only get one more shot like that," Ranma said. "Zoicite has seen that trick once. If we try it again and fail, even he will have to start bringing extra youma for backup and our chances go way down. Ucchan, you're our best shot, you can do it again."

"Right!" She saluted with a smile.

"I'll jump him from above while the flour clouds his vision. Ami, you'll be casting again on the same mark. I'll have to grapple, so everyone else hold your fire until he throws me off. That will be when he teleports..." She paced out to the spot. "About twenty feet above here. By that time we should have the crystal out of sight and he'll have to go home and do a scrying to find it."

"That will only give us a few hours," Cologne warned. "We have to be ready to move when Ranma gives the order."

"It should be when we hit the second-to-last one. Zoicite will be under a lot of pressure. We'll have react fast."

"Just tell us when they're coming," Makoto said, making a fist. "We'll be ready."

"We'd better be," Ranma said.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Ranma was walking to school with Akane a few days later when the next attack came. "Hey, Akane, we're about to get hit."

Akane looked around. "But who?"

Ranma gestured up at the sky. "Tusbasa."

"RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!" They moved casually out of the way as a mailbox descended from the sky and smashed into the concrete.

"It's a mailbox!" Akane said.

"Tsubasa likes to dress up." The mailbox began charging him. He dodged like a matador, allowing the mailbox to smash into a utility pole. The pole broke and fell on top of the mailbox, which Tsubasa ripped his way out of.

"Ran..ma... ch... charrrr..." Tsubasa tried to make another charge sans costume, but fell unconscious.

"Didn't you say Tusbasa was a boy?" Akane asked, looking over what appeared to be a very feminine girl.

"Like I said, he likes to dress up."

"Heya, Ranchan." Ukyo joined them, then looked down at Tsubasa. "Ah, not him again. Dump him quick!" She and Ranma shoved him in a trash can which Ukyo batted out of sight with her spatula.

"He's gonna be around all this week," Ranma said.

"All week? Including the battle?"

"Yeah. He shouldn't get in the way too much..."

Ukyo got a gleam in her eye. "I may have an idea..."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Next: The Hunt Begins