AN – thank you so much to those of you who reviewed! It seems everyone wants a little more to this story so I've spent a bit of time trying to think where to take this chat. Sorry it took a while to update! Anyway, here goes...
Minerva was busy marking the last of the transfiguration exams. Not forgetting what Remus had told her the night before, she had just one left to finish before going to find Miss Granger. There was a tentative knock on the door and Minerva sighed, it seemed this last one would have to wait.
"Come in" Minerva glanced up at the person approaching her desk "Good morning, Miss Granger." she put down her quill and watched the young lady approach her.
"Morning Professor, I was wondering if you had a few minutes? There was something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Of course Miss Granger, what can I do for you?" Hermione looked nervous but set upon whatever it was she wanted to discuss. Minerva indicated the seat in front of her desk and Hermione sat down. Minerva waited for Hermione to gather the courage to speak her mind. Previous conversations with this particular student over the past three years flashed through Minerva's mind, the bullying in first year, the petrification in her second year, the firebolt over Christmas...she couldn't help but be pleased that at least one student found her presence comforting.
Hermione lost all her nerve under the intense gaze of the transfiguration teacher and she averted her eyes to the ground, the tears already welling. "Professor, I know you went to a lot of trouble to secure the time-turner for me and I really appreciate it, honestly, I do. But, I'm here to return it to you; I want to drop a few of my papers for next year as well. I don't mean to disappoint you but -"
Minerva decided to end the rant where it was, it seemed they actually wanted to discuss a similar issue. "Miss Granger, please -"
"I'm just not sure if I can handle the workload any longer. Not that I'm one to give up on anything, you know that, but I'm so tired and I want my friends back – "
"Miss Granger!" snapped Minerva. It was the only way to quieten her, yet Minerva felt guilty when she saw the horrified look on Hermione's face
"Sorry Professor" Hermione said quietly
"I'm not telling you off Miss Granger, I just need you to listen to me" she spoke softer now that she the girls attention. "In fact I'm pleased that you've reached this decision on your own. It shows great maturity."
Hermione looked up at her, blinking back tears. "You – you're please?"
"Yes I am. You were under considerable stress this term but I felt you needed to test your limits, find your boundaries." Minerva sighed and leaned back in her chair "the last few weeks I was considering asking you again to drop some papers and return to a normal – but full – timetable. I felt you're health was being compromised in the lead up to exams."
Hermione looked away shyly, it was true, her appetite had been waning and she had been losing unnecessary weight under the stress.
"I feel the need to impress upon you Miss Granger that I am in no way disappointed in you for returning the time turner. I'm more proud of you than ever" Hermione blushed as she wiped away a few stray tears and kept looking at the floor "not many people could have taken on the workload you did and still receive top marks in every paper. It is an extraordinary feat that you should be proud of"
"Does that mean you've marked our transfiguration exams?" she asked hopefully
Minerva smiled, "Yes" she held up a hand to stop Hermione speaking "but I will not be informing you of your mark just yet. Miss Granger, there's more than just marks to be proud of you know"
"I don't understand professor, getting marks back shows how well I've done. It's a quantifiable truth of how hard I've worked throughout the year. You know, when I was a kid, my parents said I could be anything I wanted...as long as I worked hard and maintained some level of integrity. I know they secretly wanted me to carry on their profession but they would never say that, and you need top marks to get into dentistry. Then I found out I belonged to a world they will never understand. Even though they don't know the material, they will always understand what getting 107% means and therefore it's important to me to keep that up"
"That's all very true, however something's that you should be proud of cannot be explained in such ways." Minerva saw the puzzled look on Hermione's face, "For example, you coming to me and informing me of Mr Potter's Firebolt was something to be incredibly proud of. You knew that Mr Potter and Mr Weasley wouldn't understand and yet you did it anyway, because you care. That cannot however be marked like schoolwork, it is a testament to who you are, your character."
Minerva eyed Hermione over her glasses. She was coming close to what she initially wanted to discuss with the young girl, it was now or never.
"Do you mind if I speak honestly with you Miss Granger, this may seem very forward?"
"Of course professor, I value anything you have to say"
"That is partially what I want to speak to you about. You see, many of us find comfort in the view others hold of us. I suspect you hold people's views very dear to your heart and yet you do not need to worry! Everyone already thinks highly of you, and anyone who doesn't isn't worth your time." Minerva felt a bit uncomfortable but knew that even at the tender age of 13, Hermione was bright enough to know what she was trying to tell her "you do not need approval to be happy Hermione."
"Professor, you haven't been speaking to Professor Lupin have you?"
Minerva wondered whether to lie or not. "Professor Lupin is my colleague, we chat regularly." She paused then decided to put the girl out of her misery "Yes, Professor Lupin informed me of the Defence Against the Dark Arts exam."
"you were so awful professor. Telling me I failed everything! You were yelling at me and telling me how stupid I was and that I would never belong here. You said I should pack my bags and go home" Hermione looked on the verge of tears again.
"Hermione, all of that is so far from the truth of what I actually think of you. You're a wonderfully bright student and I'm honoured to teach a person such as yourself. You're a gifted student and you do not need my praise to let you know you've done well, you know yourself how hard you've worked."
Hermione sat there stunned. She didn't really know what to say to her mentor. But deep down she knew what she was trying to tell her, 'don't let other people's views of you get you down, be happy in yourself first and foremost' after a while, Hermione looked at Minerva, "I suppose I have been guilty of caring too much about what others think of me."
Minerva decided that the girl probably understood what she'd been saying and smiled "now, this time turner. There is no need to worry I will send it back to the Ministry this afternoon. If nothing else, I think you learned a valuable lesson on pushing yourself to hard, am I correct?"
"Yes"
"Good. Then go enjoy a few days in the sun Miss Granger. I'm sure Mr Potter and Mr Weasley will be pleased to have your company – after all, they haven't seen much of you this term."
"Thank you, professor – for everything" she responded sincerely.
"You're welcome Miss Granger" Hermione stood, and quietly left the room. Minerva knew that issues like this were not solved in one mid morning talk, but hopefully it was a start. Building the young woman's inner confidence was the first step and she needed reassurance that she was someone that people were proud of; they shouldn't need to speak it out loud for her to be happy in herself and who she was.
A/N – I know it's a bit rough, but I found this chapter a lot harder than I originally thought it would be. Hopefully you enjoyed it anyway. Probably see you all in another 7 or 8 years ;-)