This one is going to hurt. I apologize, even though Edward won't.

You all are so rad. Thanks for being you.

Thanks, as ever, to jajo for kicking booty as my junior validation beta. Thanks to twanza and SandandSirens for betaing the hell out of my chapters. Thanks to Project Team Beta for guiding a new kid through this whole process. Thanks to RoseArcadia for the banner and the thread.

Disclaimer: Not mine!

Bella

I'm helping Rose bring down a cooler, and we watch as a strawberry blonde runs down the beach toward our cabins as we make our way down the stairs. At first I'm just wondering who she is, as she hugs Emmett and Edward. Rose stiffens slightly at this and we slow our pace about halfway down. Then the unwelcome tramp turns back to Edward and kisses him full on the lips. I drop my half of the cooler on my foot.

"Fuck! Ow!" I yell, despite not really wanting anyone looking at my flushed face at that moment. Edward makes a move to come up the stairs, but something in my face must stop him, because he hesitates with one foot on the bottom step. His face goes blank and he makes no move to come further. My eyes flicker to Alice and Jasper where they stand, looking shocked. Emmett looks guilty and a little scared. I don't look back to Edward. My tears well up as Rose moves the cooler off my foot and turns to help me back up the stairs.

"I'll take care of her. Be right back." She calls behind us, I know she's trying to keep it light, but the strain in her voice is obvious.

"Is she okay?" Tanya twangs as we walk back up. "You're dad is a doctor-- you should go make sure she's okay, Edward." I don't hear his response.

We walk into Rose's cabin and my foot doesn't really hurt anymore. I storm to the bathroom with Rose behind me and she shuts the door quietly. I put both hands on the counter, looking at the floor.

She just stands, waiting.

"Who the FUCK is that?" I yell, tears streaming now. With the dam broken, Rose grabs me in a hug. "I don't know," she says over and over, stroking my hair and rocking me gently.

"She fucking kissed him. On the lips! And he stood there and kissed her back."

"There's an explanation. There's got to be. If Emmett knew about this and didn't fucking tell me I'm gonna…"

"No. No. Not his fault. He might have known, but it's not his 'not exactly' girlfriend." Rose looks like she wants to ask what the hell I'm talking about, but thinks better of it. I'm just standing there crying and staring blindly, seeing nothing but the two of them connected at the lips. I start to feel a little sick. She digs through an overnight bag and presses a little blue Xanax in my hand.

My voice is small and I squeak out "Do you think they…is she…?" I don't finish. I know the answer. She hands me a glass of water, and I swallow the pill, eyes closed. My hand shakes and she takes the glass back.

There's a knock on the door.

"It's me." Alice comes in and sits down on the edge of the tub. I've stopped crying at this point, but my eyes feel puffy and my head hurts. My anger is being replaced by sadness that is making my stomach hurt.

"What the hell is going on?" Rose demands of Alice.

"Her name is 'Tanya'. I fucking hate that name," Alice spat out. "And she's from Texas, hence the stupid fucking southern accent. Apparently she and Edward are … close." She looks at me, offering a hopeful smile. "He didn't introduce her as his girlfriend or anything, though." I roll my eyes.

"I need to be alone." My voice is firm and flat.

"You need to talk to him. Who knows what the story is?" Alice murmurs quietly. I nod.

"Oh, yeah. We're going to talk, but I need to get it together first."

They leave, hugging me first. I sit for a long time. I'm numb. I know anger will follow the numbness, but that's okay, because it's better than the crying.

When I get up I avoid the mirror and open the bathroom door. No one seems to be at Rose's, which is just as well. I walk quickly out the door and to my cabin, looking at the ground.

I take a shower and don't cry.

I get dressed and don't cry.

I put on a dress and makeup and do my hair and don't cry.

I look in the mirror and note that I look pretty good for someone who just had her heart stomped on.

But maybe that's the Xanax talking.

I raid my own liquor cabinet, for once, and mix a really strong Grey Goose and club soda.

I don't know where to go. Rose's? Not sure if I can handle the pitying looks. Esme's? Not sure if I want to find Edward and Tanya together, and I'm not sure what she knows. I do know I need to talk to him, though.

My drink goes fast and I make another, and for the time resolve to get a buzz on and just…wait.

Halfway through my drink, and my favorite Bon Iver song, he shows up. He doesn't knock, but just stands with his hands on either side of the screen door.

"Come in." I'm sitting at the counter. I don't look up when he strolls in and leans against the counter on the other side of the kitchen.

"Look … I didn't know she was coming," he says, sighing.

"But you did fucking know she existed, right?" I ask, looking up for the first time. He has his hands over his eyes and looks frustrated. I walk around the island and stand in front of him. My hands are twitching. I want to slap his hands away from his face.

He stands there, looking all angry, which makes me laugh, because this is my fault. I put myself here. I'm an idiot, so I laugh at myself.

When the laughter dies down I back up until I hit the counter across from him. He's furrowing his brow at me, looking confused. We stare at each other for a few beats, and I can't stop the questions from rushing out of my mouth.

"Who is she?"

"An old friend."

"Who you kiss occasionally?"

"I guess you could put it that way."

I suppress a gag.

"She's just here to visit. It's not that big of a deal. I mean, I would see her when I got back to school anyway, so what's the difference?" He touches on the subject we've been avoiding. I flinch like he hit me.

His casual attitude, feigned or not, makes me bite my tongue to keep the angry tears at bay.

"You're right," I nod, hoping to look indifferent, but failing to keep the hurt out of my voice. He seems irritated and I wonder if I'm overreacting. I start to feel dumb. I want to run up and throw my arms around him and forget the whole thing, but he isn't looking at me the same way he did this morning.

"I'm going to take a nap." I say quietly. I'm hoping he takes a step toward me, or reaches out his hand, but he doesn't.

"Kay. I'll see you later," he says, without a trace of the pain I'm feeling.

He walks out the door, not looking back.

He's a stranger to me.

Edward and Tanya don't come to dinner that night, and I feel sick. Emmett has some insight into the situation, but none of it really makes me feel better. They had been friends since high school and then hung out in college. She stuck around longer than most girls Edward hangs out with, which makes me feel like trash, but Emmett doesn't think that they're serious.

I realize that she's probably not his girlfriend, which is much worse, she's one of a hundred girls that he's fucked. I fall asleep wondering if that's why he doesn't want me to move to Texas, because he doesn't want me to have to face the reality of who he is. Or maybe because he wants to keep being that person. Rose and Alice sleep in my bed with me, and I feel bad that they aren't with their boys, but I need them right now.

Tanya only stays for 4 days, but it's an eternity. I'm civil and I smile when appropriate, but I want to rip her throat out every time she talks. I'm disgusted when she touches Edward. My skin crawls in her presence. He and I ignore each other, and it's like the beginning all over again without the promise of more. My sunglasses are permanently affixed to my face so my eyes don't betray me.

I don't really see anything romantic between them; they seem more like friends.

Like fuck buddies.

I'm constantly nauseated. She tells endless stories about Texas, reminding me that I hardly know him. I get the feeling that she knows about us, though, because I catch her looking at me a lot. She's fucking smug.

I wait it out. I stew in my anger. It's ugly, and finally comes to a head. We're having dinner at Rose's on Tanya's last night there, and for some reason Tanya is looking at me like that cat that ate the canary. She has been all night.

Fuck. Off. Whore.

I'm wishing it were appropriate to wear sunglasses indoors at night.

"…so Edward and I are at this bar we always go to? Jerry's?" Everything out of her mouth is a question. I'm feeling stabby. "And we meet this girl there who was 'Playmate of the Month' last February," Edward's face blanches and he holds a hand up, "and we end up having a threesome in the bathroom…" she cackles.

"Holy shit, Tanya. Shut up!" Edward's voice is loud and echoes in the suddenly silent room.

"What? I mean we did? Just before you left to come up here?" she laughs again and looks around at the rest of the table before grabbing her wine glass and sitting back in her chair, looking properly chagrined.

He gets up and mumbles something about having a cigarette. I follow. I hold out my hand and he lights me one. We stand looking out at the lake.

"I'm sorry about that," he mumbles, but he sounds resigned. I realize that he hasn't apologized for any of it, and that what he is apologizing for right now isn't that important to the big picture. I identify the feeling overtaking me as complete and total rage.

"I really hope this is a huge misunderstanding, Edward." I say sharply. "Otherwise I can't imagine how the fuck you can live with yourself right now. I'm not a complete moron. I get that you have a history, but I thought we could move past it. That sure would be a lot easier without all the fucking gory details."

He takes a drag, rolling his cigarette between his fingers as he exhales. I drop mine with a hiss into a half-empty beer that someone left on the railing. He keeps his eyes on the lake. My anger falters, and is replaced by insecurity, and want. I do my best not to show it.

"So, are you together now, or am I just being totally paranoid?"

He just fucking stands there.

Realization rushes over me, cold and heavy on my skin.

"Oh my god. You fucked her. Now? Here? Didn't you?" I hate the sound of my voice. It's high and shaky, when I need it to be strong.

He just fucking stands there.

"I thought…" I start and he turns to face me. His eyes are dead, but he's smirking. I feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart.

"I told you I was a prick."

I leave the next day.

You may want to hurl sharp objects at me right now, but I suggest channeling that anger into something healthy, like writing a review. Heh.

Also, please note that I am a fan of a strong female character, so don't worry about Bella. She'll pull it together and redeem herself for not slapping the crap out of Edward.

Oh, and I LOVE Southern accents. I swear to you, I do, but if I was Bella in that moment, I would have hated every fiber of Tanya's being. Plus, I'm from the midwest, so I don't get to make fun of the way other people talk. Period.