You are all amazing. I'm tongue-tied...which is unprecedented.

To my betas, LouderThanSirens and Momma Bear...just...damn. Heart you.

To jajo and RoseArcadia? I tip my sombrero in your directions.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Edward

I'm on her deck the morning after my drunken outburst, despite the fact that my head feels like it was rolled over by a Mack truck.

I've been trying really hard to keep the sounds I heard a few nights ago from echoing through my mind. It's almost impossible.

I hope I'm not hung over enough to throw up.

When the screen door squeaks on its hinges, I look up to find Bella peeking through, her hair tangled and her eyes sleepy. She doesn't say anything, but motions for me to come in.

I follow her as she pads into the kitchen, trying to run her fingers through her hair. She's already dressed, which is too bad, because I love seeing her in her pajamas. My mood darkens considerably when I think about Mike seeing her in her pajamas, though. I peek down the hallway before I sit at the bar, and I can see Mike's feet hanging off of the end of the guest bed. I try not to audibly sigh in relief, knowing that'll piss her off.

After turning on the coffee maker she turns to face me, leaning against the counter across the kitchen. She looks ready to say something.

"I'm sorry," I say before she can start.

She smiles a little, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I know, but I need you to stop apologizing."

I don't understand, so I shake my head, frowning.

"What I mean is, I need you to stop doing things that you need to apologize for," she explains.

Oh. Right.

"I'm sorry," I blurt, before I realize I'm saying sorry for saying sorry, and sound like an idiot.

"Shit. I meant to say, I'm going to try really hard to not be a jackass. Oh, and I'm obviously never drinking whiskey again," I say, trying to make light of how shitty I feel, and probably look.

She smiles, but then her face darkens as she looks at me. "I'm sorry, too," she whispers, "I know how that feels." The last part is totally a dig at me, but I don't react because I know she's right.

My chest aches and I feel like I can't breathe, but I force a smile and watch her pour the coffee.

We move on to discussing hangover cures, and our conversation feels almost normal until Mike gets up. He sits in a chair, instead of next to Bella on the couch. I try not to smile at that, but then I flash back to Bella's moans cutting through the air and I don't have to try.

He tells us that he, Rose and Emmett are going to spend the day on the boat, inviting Bella and I to come. I cite my hangover as an excuse, but I'm surprised when Bella opts out. He doesn't look as disappointed as I thought he would.

A few hours later, I'm rubbing suntan lotion on Bella's back, while Jasper does Alice's. Bella seems to have decided that she's going to take me up on every single thing that I mentioned in my email a month ago. Literally every fucking thing.

I'm not complaining, though.

Jasper, however, is.

Alice, not knowing that Bella and I have an agreement, is making Jasper do everything along with me.

He's been glaring at me pretty much all day, and he bitched me out on the drive to the drug store, where we did, in fact, have to purchase tampons. I didn't want to tell him about what I heard, and what I think happened, but Jasper has a way of cutting through the bullshit, and I spilled my guts.

Touching Bella's skin is making me think of touching her lips. I fight to keep the images of her looking angry, flushed and perfect out of my mind. I see her eyes flashing and lips swollen…and then I hear a moan.

I want to beat the memory of that sound out of my head. I take my hands off of her skin for a moment, clenching my fists and releasing them and trying to control my breathing.

Jasper watches me carefully, taking in my tension and warning me with a look. This is something I'm going to have to deal with like an adult, which is not my strong suit.

In the late afternoon she decides she wants to get out of the sun, and asks for the foot massage I promised her. She must have memorized that email. Damn.

Jasper looks at us with disdain and then turns to look at Alice, probably hoping that she doesn't want a foot rub, too. She does.

Bella chuckles and we head up the stairs to her cabin. She puts on music and grabs lotion while I make her a drink and grab a beer for myself.

I've never rubbed a girl's feet before. Her lotion smells minty and herbal, and she lays with her eyes closed, letting out an occasional giggle when I hit a ticklish spot. I watch her face closely, her eyes twitching behind her lids and her lips moving along to the lyrics of the songs on her stereo.

"E?" she asks when I'm finishing rubbing in the lotion, sitting up on her elbows.

"Yes, B?" I answer, releasing her foot and grabbing my beer.

She doesn't answer right away, her eyes on mine, searching. I have no idea what she's looking for, so I probably just look confused.

She looks down, curling her legs under her and idly playing with her hair. Her face wears a frown while she seems to consider her words.

She straightens up, looking at me again. "So, Mike and I talked." She sighs, looking down again. "We aren't … going to pursue a relationship."

She fidgets, pursing her lips as she watches my reaction.

"So…what does that mean?" I ask carefully.

She shrugs. "I'm not really sure," she admits, frowning.

I move closer to her and she stiffens at my proximity. Not necessarily a good sign.

"You know what I want," I say seriously, wanting her to understand, but trying not to overwhelm her.

She nods in time to the music, looking out the window.

When she speaks, it's quietly. "I'm just trying to figure out if what I want is going to end up being something that is really bad for me."

"You want to know if I'm going to fuck this up again," I state, understanding. She nods again. "I wish I could make you understand..." She won't look at me, her eyes fixed on her cocktail. "I think I have something that will help you see," I say, reaching into my pocket for something I've been carrying around for months. I'm glad I have it on me.

She watches curiously as I pull out the folded piece of paper and hold it between my fingers, fingering the paper.

I hear a boat approaching, assuming it's Emmett, Rose and Mike. I wish I had done this earlier, when we had more time.

I hand her the piece of paper, hesitating before I get off of the couch.

She looks surprised. "Where are you going?"

I look down at the white square and reply "I'm going to go shower. I just…you should open that after I go."

I start to walk towards the door, but look back to see her watching me. I walk back to her, dropping to my knees in front of the couch and putting one hand on her ankle, trying to determine if she wants me to touch her. When her hand moves to my neck, I move in to put my press my mouth to hers.

It's physically painful to leave her there, but I can't watch her read it, and I need some time to clear my head.

Bella

I turn the paper over in my hand. It's creased and worn, like it's been in his wallet for a while.

When I hear voices approaching, I get up quickly and go in my room, shutting the door. I hope they think I'm taking a nap and don't disturb me.

Sitting on my bed I unfold the paper slowly, biting my lip.

It's the same handwriting throughout, but the pen colors are different, and some of the lines look like they were written hurriedly, while some are neat. Ink dots the page and there is a stain that looks like coffee in the bottom right corner.

It almost looks like a poem, but it's not. It's a list.

When she calls you out on your bullshit.

The fact that you actually want to know everything about her, and you want her to know everything about you, even the shitty stuff.

That she made you a scarf, that you sleep with it under your pillow and that you almost cried when it stopped smelling like her.

That she told you off on Christmas, in front of her entire family and yours, and did it well.

The look she gets on her face when she talks about music.

Her intelligence.

Her skin.

Her laugh.

The fifth of July.

Nothing seems good without her.

That even without you she seems okay, because she's strong.

That you respect her enough to give her space, even though you want to call her and tell her you'll fly there to see her tonight.

The fact that you would actually hop a plane this fucking instant if she said you should.

That she will love your bbq ribs when you make them, because she actually eats like a normal-ass person.

That she probably will be a bitch.

That you'll take the punishment even if she doesn't forgive you.

That you've never changed for anyone, but you would do it for her.

I read it again. It's obvious that this is something he's been adding to over the last few months. It makes my chest hurt when I think about how I spent those months with Mike, actually feeling really good. The ache becomes painful when I think of Mike and I on this bed a few nights ago.

I remind myself why I was there in the first place, though. He did that. It wasn't my fault. I hate that I feel even a little bit guilty, because if this is going to be…anything…I have to let go of some things. I need to reconcile the Edward in my memory with the person in front of me now.

I proved to myself that I could move on and be okay. Now if I want him, I have to trust him.

My heart speeds up, beating out a warning as I consider the possibility.

Can I do this?

I'm not sure, but I'm going to try.

Bella

Emmett and Rose offer to take Mike to the airport, because Rose wants to do some shopping and Emmett just enjoys driving large vehicles way too fast. They plan to stay in a hotel for the night.

Mike and I hug long and hard. I'm on the verge of tears. He pulls back, holding my hands and looking me up and down.

"You really are making it hard for me to accept that I don't get to make out with you anymore," he says quietly, looking me up and down. I follow his eyes down, shrugging at my minimal clothing. Edward is standing in the doorway of Rose's cabin, just out of earshot. I can see him out of the corner of my eye.

"Oh, shut up," I laugh, lightly pushing his shoulder. "I'm going to miss you," I admit, my smile fading.

"You too, B," he says, leaning in to kiss my cheek and lift me off of the ground in another hug. When he puts me down, his eyes snap to the deck, where Edward took a few steps forward and is now at the top of the stairs, his posture tense.

Instead of acknowledging that, Mike walks up to him with his hand outstretched. "Bye, man. It's been real." His smile is genuine.

Edward hesitates but grabs his hand, returning the smile and relaxing his shoulders.

Mike says something to him that I can't hear, before clapping Edward on the shoulder and turning around to get his bags in the car. I try to decipher the look on Edward's face and decide it's somewhere between impressed and mystified.

Rose gives me a long look before she gets in the car, her eyes moving between Edward and me. I smile and shrug. She doesn't smile back.

Emmett's truck peels out with music blaring. Mike sticks his head out as they speed away, offering one final wave before they disappear around a corner.

Jasper, Alice, Edward and I walk back inside to clean up the dishes from breakfast. I'm waiting to get Edward alone so I can ask him what Mike said to him, even though he probably won't tell me.

Jasper is taking Alice out camping on an island on the lake overnight. It's her first time camping and she is very wary of the entire process. As much as she enjoys it here and has embraced our lifestyle, Alice isn't what I would call 'outdoorsy'.

As Edward and I help them carry down a cooler and a few bags to the boat, Alice is drilling us on different scenarios that could occur during the trip.

"What if I have to go to the bathroom?" she asks skeptically.

"You just go behind a tree or something, Alice," I answer.

"What if we see a bear?" she fires back, her eyes terrified.

"Run downhill. Jasper knows what to do. If it's too bad you can always turn around and come back, although I doubt that'll happen." Jasper helps her into the boat and she stares at me helplessly, like she's on her way to the guillotine. I can't help but laugh.

She sends me a dirty look before snuggling up to Jasper in the captain's chair while he backs the boat away from the dock. Edward and I wave them off and watch until they round the peninsula and ride out of sight.

I realize that we've got the whole day and night to ourselves and anticipation makes me jumpy and excitable.

"What do you want to do today?" I ask, turning to look at Edward standing next to me.

"I was thinking I would go for a run and catch up on some reading. Maybe do some laundry," he answers, shrugging. My excitement immediately dies.

I nod. The day doesn't hold any promise now. I swear the sun dimmed a little.

"Bella, I'm fucking kidding. Like I would waste a day that I could spend alone with you," he says, his face breaking into a big smile. My answering grin is immediate and bigger than I'd like. So much for remaining even a tiny bit aloof, though I suppose we're past that now.

He turns around to face the beach, and pauses, reaching out to me. I slip my hand into his and we walk down the dock, sneaking looks at each other and grinning.

I stop suddenly, remembering something. He looks confused as I pull my hand from his and start digging through my pockets. When I produce the folded up list he just looks down at it in my palm.

He looks confused again. "Don't you want it?" he asks.

"I want you to keep it. Just in case you forget," I say quietly.

His bright smile is unexpected and makes me laugh in disbelief, furrowing my brow. It seems like a completely inappropriate reaction.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask, still not getting it.

He bites his lower lip and moves a little closer, whispering "I'm smiling because there is no way I'm going to forget, Bella."

He grabs the list anyway, putting it in his pocket and grabbing my hand to pull me up the stairs, looking back at me every few steps, wearing a giant grin.

AHHH! Very transitional chapter, but very necessary.

Can I tell you a secret? The next chapter is my favorite thus far. I'm so excited to post it that I'm going to give you a juicy teaser on Sunday.

I was nominated for an Indie Twific Award. If you haven't voted, get yo butt over there.

http://theindietwificawards(dot)com/vote(dot)aspx