Chapter Twenty-Six

He felt the rain hit his skin-each drop like an electric shock to his system.

Beep.

His eyes roamed over the open sky as the wide canvas grew livid with every passing moment. The sunset that had reached the horizon only minutes ago was engulfed by charcoal gray clouds. The clouds slowly turning ashy black to blend with the colors of the nearly distinguished flame of the sun. A bleak image formed before his eyes with specks of color straining to shine. The wind rustled the leaves as a brilliant bolt of lightning lit up the sky as a final warning.

Beep.

On any other spring night, the gazebo in the park was the picture perfect spot for a quiet evening. Tonight, it resembled the emotions coursing through Jason. Closing his eyes on a heavy sigh, he stretched out on the wooden steps of the structure and folded his arm under his head. Within seconds, the sky erupted and he let the rain that suddenly intensified in strength pour down onto his exposed frame.

He welcomed the onslaught of rain that soaked through every stitch of clothes. The rain succeeded in drenching him to the bone, but failed to wash away the memories that it stirred. The memories of a night that he had come to bury over the years with the ones that he cherished. It failed to wash away the memory of the last time he had been here. It was only a matter of days since he had stepped onto the gazebo, but it felt like it had been years.

The overwhelming scent of smoke and blood invaded his senses.

He parted his lips and inhaled desperately.

Beep.

It was that night that his life had started down the rollercoaster ride that he had no way of exiting. The last thing he wanted was to reach the end of the ride to face the future he knew was waiting for him. The future that left him and his daughter devastated and alone again. The future without Elizabeth.

Be-

With an aggravated snarl, he flicked the phone off.

He knew who was calling and all he wanted was to be left alone for the time being. His message had been clear when he had bumped into Sonny at the coffeehouse; unless the apocalpse suddenly erupted he was to be left alone. If anyone asked, he was busy and would be home in time for dinner.

He slipped his now lifeless phone back into his pocket and raised his gaze to the storming heavens.

It was a night like tonight that had turned his life upside down and had succeeded again years later.

The sound of muffled cries brought him back to consciousness.

Through the cool sheets, he reached for the warm body besides him. His hand came up empty. Patting the empty place next to him in bed, Jason sat up in confusion. The sheets on the left side of the bed were cold as though they had been left untouched for hours. They barely looked slept in.

She was in the nursery again, he assumed getting out of bed.

Offhandedly, his eyes strayed to the digital clock on the nightstand. It was a few minutes past two in the morning. It was right about time for Lil's first feeding of the day.

Yawning, he ran his hands through his already mussed hair, moving towards the door. Cool air grazed his skin as he stepped into the empty hallway and headed in the direction of the nursery. The door decorated with a spattering of daisies was left ajar, soft cries of hunger drifting through it.

Quickening his pace, he stepped into the dimly lit room and switched on the lamp besides the doorway. Light washed over the soft pastel decor and white furniture. In the mist of the soft colors, his daughter cried, her young arms flapping in the air as she reached out for someone. Shrugging off his surprise to find the nursery nearly deserted except for Lil, he moved towards the crib.

With swift strides, he reached the crib in to gather his daughter into the cradle of his arms. "Shh, I'm right here," he soothed her, rubbing his hand along her fragile spine. Lil whimpered, cuddling against his bare chest. Tears clung to her pale blonde lashes as she sniffled in distress. Her face was a deep red indicating that she had been awake for more than a few minutes, crying from hunger and the need for comfort.

Grabbing a bib, he carefully lowered his long frame onto the rocking chair. Anchoring his delicate daughter to his chest, he used his free hand to grab the bottle that sat on a nightstand already warmed. Lil latched on immediately once Jason brought the bottle to her lips and took deep pulls.

Listening to his daughter's soft suckling, he leaned back in the rocking chair and used his foot to gently sway them back and forth. Closing his eyes, he let the warmth spread through him. It was no different from the first time he had held his daughter in the delivery room. The warmth and love he felt around her only continued to grow strong with each passing day. Five months later and he was still overwhelmed at the serenity that he found holding her.

Opening his eyes, his gaze strayed to the storm that brewed outside. The wind slammed against the closed windows in protest as the rain drummed against the glass panes, adding its two cents. With a quick flick of his free hand, he closed the curtains, shutting out the ugliness of the world that he swore he would protect his daughter from whether it be something like thunderstorms or the life he led. It was a promise he intended to keep until his dying breath.

Danger lurked around every corner in his life and it only gave him more incentive to protect his child even if he had come close to failing once already. It was a simple walk across the docks that had gone all wrong and left wounds wide open and still bleeding. Sam had chosen to take a walk with their daughter instead of coming straight home following an appointment as planned. Max had complied with her wishes and had ended up with a gunshot wound to his collarbone and Sam shaken up.

She hadn't been able to make eye contact since the event three days ago and he felt the distance between them in everything around him. She bathed and tucked in Lil before he even walked through the door for dinner. He found himself eating dinner alone and coming to sleep in an empty bed. It had been three days yet Sam refused to discuss it. She had simply stated the memory was in the past and preferred not to speak of it again.

Sighing heavily, Jason's glanced down at his daughter. She had ceased drinking, releasing the nipple so it rested against her cheek now. "Good morning, precious," he smiled tenderly down at her. "Now, how long will you be up tonight?" he chided her. She watched him with a tranquil expression, her piercing blue eyes following his every move. One of her beautiful smiles forming on her delicate lips.

He shook the now empty six ounce bottle. "Someone was starving," he joked, placing the bottle on the nightstand. He shifted Lil until her chin rested on his shoulder and gently patted her back over her green cotton pajamas. It only took a few seconds before she burped. "All done?" he asked, turning her around to face him.

He couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips. It felt so natural to hold his daughter and talk to her even if the only responses he received from her were baby noises. "Let's go find your mother," he told her, slowly rising to his feet.

Safely tucking Lil into the crook of his arm, he started for the stairs with her. "We really need to change your sleeping habits. You sleep all day and stay awake all night. It's very unhealthy, young lady," he chided her. "You're just lucky you don't get bags under your eyes like the rest of us."

A frown wrinkled his brow as they reached the first floor. He forced down the apprehension that pricked at his senses. It was pitch black, the only source of light was obscured moonlight streaming in through the double doors of the balcony. "Where's your mother?" he absentmindedly asked his daughter who playfully thumped her small fist against his chest.

Flicking on the lights, he expected to find Sam on the couch, but it was just as empty as their bed had been. Panic coiled in the pit of his stomach, slowly beginning its descent into his blood stream. Swallowing roughly, he grasped the door knob and silently opened it, nerves endings buzzing in agitation.

He peered through the open crack of the door to find the hallway was devoid of anyone, but the guard. Francis' gaze locked with Jason's and the guard instantly went alert. Without hesitation, the Italian reached for his holster. With a shake of his head, Jason ordered him to stand down. Closing the door on the almost empty hallway, he wasn't sure if he was comforted or disappointed. Pulling back he found comfort in his daughter as Lil simply continued patting his chest.

He pivoted on his heels and that was when his eyes fell on the envelope on his desk.

It was a simple white envelope with his name scrawled on it in a familiar handwriting.

Foreboding swept through him as he flipped the envelope over and unsealed it. Unfolding the paper, his eyes scanned over the contents. A lump formed in the back of his throat as his mind processed the words at an excruciatingly slow rate. Each word cut through him, leaving his heart bleeding for not only for himself, but also his daughter.

Jason,

I can't do this anymore. I thought I could, but I can't live with the danger. Right now, I don't see a tomorrow with you and I'm not sure I ever will. It feels like tomorrows don't exist and I can't live like that.

Please tell Lila I love her. You can give her a better life right now. I need to find myself before I can be the mother she deserves.

I'm sorry,

Sam

With trembling hands, he dropped the piece of paper and tightened his hold on Lil. He felt the ground beneath him fall away as his heart crumbled. Each breath he took was an act of will as he attempted to hold onto the shattered pieces of his life. Despite how hard he tried, the pieces flew away from him. The one he was able to grasp and hold onto with dear life was his angel. His innocent daughter who rested against him, completely oblivious to the world spinning out of control around her.

An ache in his neck brought his mind back to the present.

Pushing away from the stairs of the gazebo, he rubbed at the kink in his neck. His body was suddenly sore and weary as though he had been run over by a train. Coming to his unsteady feet, he stretched, attempting to brush off the remnants of the past, but the memories refused to stay there. History was repeating itself and there was nothing he could do, but stay on the rollercoaster until it came to a screeching halt.

Releasing a heavy sigh, he forced his legs to move down the path that would lead him out of the park. With each step, the future formed and he saw himself alone with his daughter just as they had been four years ago. Elizabeth had made her decision and it was time he did as well. It was time to accept things as they were and prepare himself for the uphill battle to move on. He needed to be strong more for his daughter than for himself.

Danger had driven away one woman because he had failed to protect her as he had promised and once again he had succeeded in driving away another woman. A woman he had failed to convince they could have a future together as a whole family instead of a broken one. He truly didn't deserve her love and it was best to let her go before he disappointed her even more. It was better she left now rather than later because then there was a chance he could never recover at all.

There was so much to Elizabeth Webber he didn't want to see die away because of him like they had with Sam. The bright glow of life that surrounded Elizabeth was too precious for him to ruin. He could do his best to raise his daughter on his own and assimilate her to the life he led, but he couldn't force that on Elizabeth. At one point Sam had loved him just as Elizabeth did now, before it all changed because he hadn't been able to give her the life she deserved. She deserved to live as she pleased with someone that could love and give her the stability that his life didn't offer. He didn't want his life to touch her more than it already had, only for her to wake up one day and realize she had made the wrong choice. It was better this way. He knew she would just as Sam had. He could protect not only Elizabeth, but also his daughter.

It was better this way he told himself.

It was better for all of them.

The words echoed in his head as he stepped into the lobby of Harborview Towers and mindlessly made his way to the elevator. They swirled and reconfirmed themselves over and over again as he ascended to his penthouse. They left a bitter taste in his mouth along with a cloak of misery over him, but he accepted them. He resolved himself to bear the pain that was to come and move on.

With heavy steps, Jason reached his closed penthouse door. He vaguely acknowledged the young guards from the warehouse in position. Lil would be home soon. He would deal with breaking the news to her to prepare her for what was to come. He knew that Lil would be hit hard when she learned her nanny was leaving, but he didn't want to blindside her in a few days when Elizabeth walked out. It was better this way.

"Jason," Sonny's grave voice filled the hallway.

Looking over his shoulder, his gaze locked with his best friend's. It took nothing more than Sonny's eyes to tell him that there was news he didn't want. Brown eyes spoke of regret and concern as the mob boss handed over a manila folder.

Wordlessly, Jason took the file and flipped it open. He quickly scanned the contents for everything around him to come to an abrupt halt. His throat constricted and the ground beneath his feet shook with uncertainty. Breathing suddenly became difficult.

Seconds ticked by as he processed the information. Schooling his expression, he closed the file and handed it back to Sonny. He looked to his friend for confirmation.

With a nod of the head, Jason knew that there was no doubt that the information was legitmate. "Bernie got wind earlier today. He called me after he wasn't able to get a hold of you." The older man's eyes watched him closely, but Jason knew there was nothing Sonny could decipher from his stoic expression. "I thought you'd want to hear it sooner rather than later."

With a curt nod of understanding, he turned away and continued on his way to his penthouse. The weight of the world a heavy load on his shoulders.

Jason pushed the door open to his penthouse, his mind focused on the information he had just received. The situation would have to be dealt with, something he wasn't expecting, but his heart ached nonetheless. He walked into a room full of somber guards and a weeping brunette. Every set of eyes in the room fixed on him except for the pair that belonged to the woman who tormented his thoughts.

His heart clenched painfully as he thought of the days to come without her.

Inhaling deeply, he squared his shoulders and reminded himself this was the way it was meant to be.

It was better this way.