Chapter Thirty

A smooth fire washed down his throat as he downed another shot.

It was his fourth straight shot, but he was as sober as he had been an hour ago when he had wandered into Jake's. The whiskey did nothing to numb his body or mind. With agile fingers, he offhandedly poured himself another shot. He had started out with his usual beer, but after the first two he realized it wasn't having the effect he was looking for. He signaled for his whiskey and it was taking its sweet time working through his system.

Pursing his lips, he threw back the drink and slammed down the glass on the mahogany counter.

The mellow oak taste of the liquor lingered in his mouth as he moved for another drink. The sound of the amber liquid gushing from the glass bottle drowned out the numerous sounds of the bar. The loud, obnoxious ninety's music coming from the jukebox no longer grated on his nerves. The chatter of dock workers unwinding over a round of beer ceased to invade his hearing. He downed another drink hoping that his thoughts would disappear along with the rest of the room under the influence of the whiskey, but no luck whatsoever. The thoughts kept on swirling around his head.

"Lil," he said softly, hovering at her bed side.

She sniffled, her back still turned to him. "Who was she?" she cried. "She was my mommy, wasn't she?"

The instinct to soothe his daughter took over and Jason gave into the need to hold her. Despite her protests, he gathered her in his arms and moved them to their rocking chair. Resting his chin on her head, he waited for her to calm down. The fight faded away from Lil's small body as he expected and she nestled against his chest, lumps of his shirt fisted in her delicate hands.

Using his foot, he rocked them in a peaceful rhythm. He had done this countless times since she was an infant, comforting her in the rocking chair until he knew she was content. But this time it would take more than just time in her rocking chair to mend her broken heart.

Closing his eyes, he listened to her muffled sobs. His own eyes burned. Her emotions were already raw from last night. And he had just inflicted more damage on her wounds by taking her to see Sam. He should have known Lil would put the puzzle pieces together. She had poured over her baby books from the day she was able to differentiate between faces. Brenda and Emily had extensive collections of photographs and Sam had been in many of them. It should have been no surprise that Lil would have come to the right conclusion about Sam on her own.

"She was your mommy," Jason answered her solemnly.

"I saw her in my baby books," Lil hiccupped. "She came back."

"Yes, she did," he replied hoarsely. How was he supposed to tell his daughter he had blackmailed her mother into leaving again?

"I don't want her as my mommy."

The soft admission snapped Jason to attention. "You don't?"

She shook her head against his chest, her cheek moving his shirt back and forth against his skin. "I don't know her and she left. I don't want a mommy like that."

Astounded by how wise his daughter truly was, Jason nodded his head and tightened his arms around her small form.

He felt the exhaustion run through the length of his body, but his mind remained as alert as ever. Sucking in a deep breath, he raised his elbows onto the bar and grasped both sides of his head and remained perfectly still.

On a regular old day, he would be home right now; washing up for dinner with Lil and Elizabeth, but today wasn't like any other day. Tonight, everyone had been invited to dinner at Sonny's and Brenda's for a farewell party for Elizabeth. The only reason it was tonight was simply due to a meeting that couldn't be rescheduled with business associates on Elizabeth's last official day as Lil's nanny. When Brenda had notified him this morning, he had simply hung up. He was sure the brunette got his message loud and clear that he wouldn't be attending.

"Angel," he whispered against her hair. "I know you're hurting right now, but we need to talk about Elizabeth."

"Why? Why does she have to leave?"

"Lil," he sighed. "It was Elizabeth's decision and we have to accept it. She can't stay with us forever."

"Is she leaving because of me?"

The softly spoken question full of guilt tore at his heart. It was like a punch to his gut, and this was the second time. It was ten times worse than the first time. Now, how was he supposed to tell his daughter her nanny was leaving because of him?

"Is it because I ask so many questions, Daddy? I promise not to ask anything else if she'll stay."

"Lil, Elizabeth loves you," he explained as best as he could. "She loves everything about you. It wasn't anything you did." It was his actions that drove her away. He was responsible that she would be leaving in three days.

"But she can't leave," Lil argued, sitting up in his lap to look up at him. "I want her as my mommy. You were going to marry her and give me a baby. My baby brother." Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she peered up at him.

"We can't always get what we want, Lil," he croaked. "We have to let her go."

She shook her head in objection, the light filtering through her golden locks.

"As much as it hurts," Jason started to only pause and clear the ache in his throat. "As much as it hurts, we have to do what's best for the people we love even if it means watching them leave."

"But what if I don't want her to go, Daddy? I don't want her to go," she pleaded with him. "Mr. Floppy doesn't want her to go either."

"Do you want Elizabeth to be happy, Lil?"

He watched his daughter think thoughtfully for a moment before her chest deflated and she nodded her head. "Yes, I want Liz happy."

"Then, we have to let her go," he murmured, resting his forehead against his daughter's.

"Okay, Daddy," she whispered, cuddling against him with Mr. Floppy.

"Man, we're late," Jason winced as the deep voice interrupted his thoughts. Unfortunately, he knew that voice.

"He's started on the whiskey already," Francis grumbled.

Turning in his seat, Jason came face to face with his best friend flanked by the Four Musketeers.

Sonny Corinthos and his entourage of body guards looked as out of place as Jason looked right at home at Jake's. Jason watched the older man as he tilted his head to the side and assessed him. Just as he expected, his friend's brown eyes brightened with understanding.

"You owe me a twenty," Max said triumphantly.

Francis rolled his eyes, but nonetheless handed over the money.

A resounding crack echoed in the bar as Francis and Max simultaneously yelled "Hey!" in outrage as they both grabbed the base of their skulls.

"What the hell was that for?" Max whined, turning to Johnny with a glare.

The Irishman raised an eyebrow at him. "You're seriously betting at a time like this."

"Hey, Morgan dug his own grave," Francis argued, stilling rubbing at the base of his head. "We should leave him to lay in it."

"We're missing pigs in the blanket for this," Max grumbled.

"What is wrong with you two?" Adam barked. "Can I shoot them?" the usually calm bodyguard asked Sonny, pointing at the Italians glaring at him.

"No one's shooting anyone," Sonny announced calmly. "Francis, Max, you're on the door." Unfastening the buttons of his charcoal suit, the mob kingpin took a seat next to Jason at the bar. His remaining body guards followed suit, Johnny settling down on Jason's other side and Adam next to their boss.

Pinching the bridge between his eyes, Jason applied pressure as the beginnings of a headache intensified. "Who's on the girls?" he asked.

"Marco and Julian are on the penthouse floor," Sonny replied, signaling for Coleman. "The regular rotation is in place."

The enforcer nodded his head.

"Mr. Corinthos," Coleman greeted Sonny. "It's been a while."

"It's nice to see you, Coleman. How's business?" Sonny replied like the perfect businessman.

The bar owner beamed. "Couldn't be better. What can I get you?"

"Good, good. I'll have the usual."

Coleman nodded his head before looking at Johnny and Adam. "Anything for you guys?"

"We're on the clock. Water will do for me," Johnny said. "Adam?"

"A ginger ale."

Resting his forearms on the bar, Sonny turned to Jason. "So, I was in the kitchen cooking when my wife barged in and started screaming at the top of her lungs," he started casually. "And you want to know what she was yelling about?"

"Not really," Jason muttered.

"My beautiful wife was upset that someone had unceremoniously hung up on her," he plowed on, ignoring Jason. "Now, I know Brenda can be unreasonable sometimes, but this time I think she had the right to be upset that she was treated so rudely. Wouldn't you agree, Jason?"

Jason glared at his best friend through narrowed slits.

"He's right," Adam chimed in. "You should always treat a woman like a lady. Nothing less."

The enforcer simply shrugged them off and reached for his shot glass.

Johnny grasped his wrist. "I don't think that's a good idea, Jason."

"You don't think it's a good idea, Johnny?" he retorted sharply. "You don't think it's a good idea? You who happen to be sleeping with my little sister?" His voice rose. "Does that sound like a good idea to you, Johnny?" he growled. "Does it?"

Jason watched Johnny go as white as a ghost. He had figured out it earlier at the office when the bodyguard had refused to pick up Emily and instead insisted that another guard be sent. It had become a trend with Johnny for the last four months. Also, the Irishman ignored Jason's sister like the plague when the man was in the same room as them.

Sonny choked on his drink. "Wait, what?"

"When—how did you figure it out?" Johnny sputtered.

"It's true?" Adam asked, his eyes as wide as saucers.

Jason chuckled darkly. "You never sit next to her. You've taken yourself off her security detail." The one his sister didn't know about. "You never pick her up or drop her off considering the fact that you use to insist on being assigned the job." He swirled his wrist, causing the liquid content of his glass to swoosh in the same motion. "And you look at her like you're ready to lay down you life for her at any given moment," he tone softening.

Johnny blinked. He tugged on his collar. "I-uh-I don't know what to say," he didn't even bother denying it. He knew better.

Jason shook his head. He threw back another shot and turned to Johnny. "You gave yourself away," he said carefully. He observed his friend. The man looked like he was ready to pass out. He smiled bitter sweetly. "Just take care of her."

Johnny nodded his head. "I will," he croaked.

Grasping the whiskey bottle, he thought of how his life had spiraled out of control in just a matter of days. He kissed his nanny resulting in her resignation which only sent him on an insane mission to make her stay as more than just his nanny. His ex-fiancée blew into town and out of town just as quickly to throw not only him, but also his daughter off her axis. Next week this time, he'd be nanny-less and devastated. Who was he kidding; he was already sad and heartbroken.

"Give us a minute," Sonny gestured with his head. The older man waited for the remaining members of the Four Musketeers to disappear before he turned to Jason with an expression that said he was there to help.

But Jason didn't want the help. "Go home, Sonny. Enjoy dinner with your family and friends."

"They're your family and friends, too."

"Family and friends who don't like me right now," he cocked an eyebrow. "Those two over there can testify to that," he gestured to Max and Francis.

"Ignore those two idiots," the older man waved them off. "They're just upset they won't get a chance to see Elizabeth every day."

Jason reached for another shot. "They're not the only ones."

"But…"

"But what?" Jason growled. As much as he loved and respected Sonny, he really wanted to be left alone to drown his sorrows in the liquid anesthetic of the golden whiskey.

Sonny shrugged. "There's still time to change the outcome of things."

Jason grunted. "Change what?"

"Since when have you been this dense?" Sonny shook his head in obvious disappointment. "There's still time to convince Elizabeth to stay. You can still march into my penthouse and win her back."

"I never had her to begin with," he whispered, clasping his hands around his shot glass. "I can't. Lil and I—we won't survive if she stays to only leave because she can't handle the life or—" he cut himself off to stare down at the liquid fire in his glass.

"Or what?" Sonny prodded.

Eyes trained on his shot glass, he continued in a strained voice. "Or I won't live up to her expectations. I'll disappoint her and she'll figure out there's nothing to really love about me," his thoughts developing into words. "I won't do that to my daughter. I won't give her a mother figure to only be abandoned again. I'll just do the best I can to raise her on my own."

"Elizabeth's not Sam," Sonny argued, rubbing his chin with the top of his hand. "They're worlds apart." He threw his hands out wide to illustrate his point. "You need to listen to me. Sam is selfish, always has been and always will be. She didn't think of you or Lil when she left. Elizabeth on the other hand is always worrying about everyone."

"Sonny," he released a long sigh. "I know that. I just don't want to see my daughter suffer because I failed to make another woman happy." He shook his head, his eyes stinging.

"You're not listening, Jason," Sonny insisted. "Elizabeth would never up and leave without any warning. Hell," he drawled, a twinkle in his eyes. "If you can convince her to stay now, a team of wild horses couldn't drag her away if you even dared to try to get rid of her."

"It's a risk I can't take," Jason countered. "Lil and Elizabeth deserve to be happy, but unfortunately that won't happen if I'm in the picture."

Sonny lips pulled into a grim line. His eyes fierce with determination. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Jason frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything," Sonny said with conviction. "You're the reason Lil has always been happy. Because you've done everything in your power to make sure she has never been lacking for anything." He completely ignored Jason's attempts to object. "Yes, she wants a mother, any child with one parent longs for a pair and you have the chance to give her that."

He smiled softly at Jason. "Elizabeth is a woman in love. A woman in love with you." He tapped the bar with two fingers to emphasize his words. "She fell a long time ago. You didn't see it. She didn't see it until recently, but she loves you for you. You made her happy," he said vehemently. "Despite everything, you're the only one that can make her happy right now."

"You don't know what you're talking—"

"I know exactly what I'm talking about," the mob boss rebutted. Jason saw the face of a businessman persuading a client to make an investment, but also a friend fighting to steer a friend down a different path. It was a lethal combination. One he hadn't been expecting.

"You," Sonny jabbed him in the chest.

A muscle ticked in Jason's jaw at the attack.

"You have the power," his friend insisted. "She's put the ball in your court. Lil has put the ball in your court. You're the only one who decides how this story ends, Jason."

"Why are you doing this?" Jason roared out of frustration. "I told her I can't do this. I can't do this, damn it. She's leaving when it's the last thing I want." He released a shaky breath. "But I can't stand the thought of her getting shot again or being kidnapped. I would rather have her leave than end up hurt because of me."

Sonny released a low chuckle, full of amusement. "You're quite pathetic, my friend."

He replied with a scorching glare.

"You really don't know women. It's no surprise really that you're in this situation." Sonny sighed, the corners of his lips pulling into a grin. "You're scared, but you have to take the risk in order to be happy." The infamous dimples made an appearance. "Do you remember how long it took me to realize that I was better off with Brenda in my life than alone?"

Jason nodded his head. To say Sonny Corinthos had been a mess when he broke off his engagement to Brenda eight years ago was an understatement. He wasn't exactly sure what had occurred to change Sonny's mind, but after a few days of behaving like a mummy the man had made an ass of himself in front the whole town to convince Brenda to give him another chance.

He had to admit it had been amusing to see his best friend on his knees in the middle of the Quartermaine gala begging Brenda to take him back, but in all honesty it had been Sonny's greatest achievement. The man had a marriage that everyone in the business envied, but it had only been after Sonny had taken a risk on love.

"I still think you were better off alone," Jason murmured.

Sonny threw him a look. "The point is you'll never know the life you can have unless you go out on a limb and take a chance."

Jason bowed his head in defeat. There was no hope left for him. As much as he wanted Elizabeth to stay, he had given her the green light to pack up and leave. He had bolted shut a door that had no chance of being opened again. "There's nothing left to do. I all, but told her to leave. I told her I couldn't be with her."

God, he needed her to stay. The thought of never coming home to Elizabeth and Lil waiting for him was like a fist crushing his heart. He wanted to wake up for breakfast with the two most important women in his life, come home to dinner, and spend the evening watching Finding Nemo for the millionth time. He wanted to give Lil the baby brother she wanted. He wanted Elizabeth in his life and not as just his nanny. She was the mother that his daughter deserved.

Suddenly, Sonny watched him with a puzzled expression. "Did you ask her to stay?"

Startled by the question, Jason turned to his best friend in confusion. "Huh?"

"Oh, good God," Sonny groaned. He swallowed his scotch in one swig. "You know, did you open your mouth while you were attempting, but failing miserably to court her, to tell her that you wanted her to stay? Something along those lines, maybe?"

Jason frowned. "No…"

Sonny scrubbed his face in frustration or amusement, Jason wasn't sure because a smile played on the man's lips.

"Jason, you need to eat a little crow and swallow some humble pie." He moved his jaw from side to side. "Make that a lot of humble pie."

"Huh?" Jason was sure he wasn't that drunk to eat crows. "People don't eat crows."

Sonny chuckled. "What I mean is, the only reason Elizabeth is leaving, Jason, is because things changed between the two of you after she got shot. You kissed her and took your relationship to a whole new level," he continued to explain as Jason slowly processed his words. "The relationship changed, but neither one of you stopped seeing each other as employer and employee." He watched him with encouraging eyes. "Jason, you may have tried to convince her indirectly the last few days to stay, but all she really needs to know is she's wanted. She needs you to ask her to stay in order for anyone to be happy."

Sonny's voice faded into the background as Jason's mind attempted to wrap around what his friend was saying.

Had he asked her to stay?

"Just think about it for a second," his friend suggested. "Elizabeth's beautiful, she loves Lil, she loves you," Sonny snorted. "She gets along with my wife, which can be a feat in itself. Your family likes her and usually their taste is questionable. I wholeheartedly approve of her and the knuckleheads over there adore her." He rattled on for Jason."She's not Sam and thank God for that. We don't need another one of her running around," he argued adamantly. "She's perfect and you're standing in the way of your own happiness."

It slowly sunk into his alcohol drenched brain. He had never asked Elizabeth to stay. He had simply chased her without truly admitting that he cared about her or that he didn't want her to leave. Especially since she had offered her heart and said she wanted to try and he had disregarded her both times.

"Did you ever ask her to stay, Jason?"

His head snapped up as his heart screamed in panic. He turned to Sonny; sure his eyes were ready to pop out of their sockets. "Oh, shit."

And like the wonderful friend that he was, the man patted his shoulder sympathetically and signaled for Coleman to take away their empty glasses. "You still have time to ask her to stay," he advised. His brown eyes danced with mirth. "Just make sure to be clear you want her to stay as much more than the nanny."

Sonny dropped to his feet, tugged on his cuffs to straighten his sleeves, and then headed for the exit.

Jason grabbed his leather jacket and turned to follow suit, but came to a quick halt. He felt his body sway. The liquor was starting to take its toll on his body an hour too late, but he was known to sober up fast. Pivoting, he grabbed for Coleman madly. "Coffee and fast."

Coleman nodded and quickly filled the order.

A thermos of steamy black coffee in one hand and his leather jacket in the other, Jason rushed for the door where Sonny and the Four Musketeers stood waiting for him.

"Can you believe him?" Sonny said, shaking his head in a mixture of humor and dismay. "He never asked her to stay."

"Could you be any more of a buffoon?" Johnny exclaimed.

"Shut up," Jason threw over his shoulder, even though he knew the Irishman was right on the dot with that one.

Impatiently, he shuffled his feet as his friends took their time piling into Sonny's limo. Shoving Max out of the way, he hustled into the waiting car. Palms sweating, he rubbed them against his thighs as he tapped his foot, he was in no condition to drive, he was just going to have to hope he wasn't too late to change Elizabeth's mind.