Bella
Edward is still soundly asleep when I wake up, one hot arm thrown over me. I enjoy the weight, heat, and scent coming off of him for a few minutes before I shimmy out from under his arm carefully. I use his bathroom before I throw on one of his t-shirts and find my hastily discarded underwear.
It's weird to finally be in his actual bedroom. It's a total boy room, muted colors and soft, dark sheets. The walls are covered with framed black and white prints that I don't recognize, and there's a shelf with trophies, ribbons and team photos dating back to his peewee days. He was a cute kid, which doesn't surprise me at all.
I expect to at least see some evidence of former girls…a photo or a phone number, but there's nothing. I think I'm almost looking for it, like a masochistic detective. I stop myself before I start opening drawers, though. I'm not totally over my insecurity about being here, but I'm trying.
I see my framed photo on his nightstand and pick it up; the fact that it's here, right by his bed, makes me want to cry. Tucked into the corner of the frame is what looks like the list he gave me last summer. I unfold it slowly and read it over. There's a line that wasn't there when I read it last.
Because you want to marry her.
I stare at it for a while, my heart in my throat, before refolding it and putting back in the frame. I can't even begin to process that yet. When I turn around, he's awake and watching me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to …" I start, but then abandon the statement, because I totally meant to.
He smiles sleepily at me and pulls me back into bed so I'm facing him. We don't talk about the list, we don't really need to, but I kiss him hard so he understands how the last line on the list made me feel.
He reminds me that he and Em have night practice, and tells me that they're taking us to dinner and then a party tonight, if Rose is up for it. I get a little queasy at the mention of the party, but try to hide it. I'm unsuccessful.
"Do you not want to go?" he asks sincerely, "We really don't have to. I would be perfectly happy to keep you in bed until you leave." He runs his hand slowly up my thigh and under his t-shirt, ghosting over my curves and resting it on my ribs.
I'm inclined to agree with him, but I know I'm going to have to take this step at some point. "I love parties. As long as there are Jello shots and frat boys," I tease.
"It's not really like that," he says, frowning.
I raise an eyebrow at him.
"Okay, it's kinda like that," he concedes, a smile touching his lips. "I want you to meet my friends. They've all been warned that if they touch you I'll straight up fucking kill 'em, so nothing's going to happen," he says seriously. He grabs my left breast possessively, running his thumb over my nipple and making me inhale sharply.
"You did not seriously tell them that," I scoff; or I try to scoff, but he's running his fingers down my spine lightly, and my back arches minutely.
"I'm not really worried about your guy friends, Edward. I'm worried about your girl friends." His hand stops moving, resting low on my back. He stares at me for a minute, and I can't read his expression.
"You have nothing to worry about, and I mean that," he says intensely, pushing his palm harder against me and pulling me closer. I believe him, but I'm still nervous. Women can be fucking vicious, and men are often completely oblivious to the underhanded nature of female relationships.
He spends the next hour making me forget about the apprehension, though; over and over again. We have always been physically compatible, and although much of that is probably due to his…skills… the more we're together and the more we know about each other, the better it gets. Like, better than better. I'm shaking and gasping and can't walk for a few minutes after.
We spend an eternity in the shower. We get clean, but what happens inside is very, very dirty.
By the time we get out to the kitchen, breakfast is getting cold. Rose is wearing a giant TAMU t-shirt and is curled up with Emmett on the couch drinking what looks like tea. They both turn and look at us smugly.
Apparently we weren't as quiet as we should have been, but I just shrug and smile. If anyone can understand, it's these two.
They look like they got some sleep and the color is back in Rose's cheeks. Jasper kept saying he thought the morning sickness was really from stress, and maybe he was right.
I look down at the food. Omelets, bacon, fruit…Emmett did not make this.
"Did you make breakfast, Rose?" I ask, trying to hide my excitement.
"Yeah, why?" she asks, turning back to watch us load our plates with food. I'm starving.
"It just looks really good. Thank you." What I don't say is this means everything is going to be okay. If Rose is cooking, the universe has righted itself and we're all going to live happily ever after.
Edward and I sit at the table to eat. Rose and Emmett are watching a football game that looks like it was filmed in the 1970's. I decide it's time to come clean to Edward about something that I hope won't be a huge problem between us.
"So…I kind of have something to confess," I say timidly.
His head snaps toward me, his brows furrowed. He looks worried and a little angry.
"I don't really know anything about football," I say solemnly.
His face relaxes, and then he bursts into laughter. Rose and Emmett both turn, wearing amused grins.
"What?" I ask, because I don't know what's so funny.
"We know," he says apologetically, leaning over to kiss my temple and ruffle my hair like a little kid.
"Shut up," I pout, but I'm smiling.
It's almost 95 degrees out and none of us want to go anywhere, so we spend the day at the loft. Rose and I decide to go watch their practice. The two of us sit together in the stands, where there are actually quite a few alumni and students around us. It finally starts to cool off as it gets later, but the metal benches radiate the heat from the sun even after it starts to go down. Rose fans herself listlessly. She's about six weeks now, so she's not showing yet; her stomach is still flat under her tight tank top and shorts. I can tell that she lost some weight in the last week. I hope now that she and Em are doing better that she'll start getting round and glowy like I imagine it's supposed to be when you're pregnant.
I haven't really watched Edward play, aside from the game against the Longhorns that I caught a glimpse of last Thanksgiving. Everything here is bigger than I thought, and pretty intimidating, honestly. It's only a practice and I have goose bumps watching him on the huge field, his arm winding back and whipping the ball forward easily. He sometimes gets tackled, but more often he avoids them, his movements agile. I can't wait to fuck him while he's wearing his uniform. Those little pants are so tight, and his arms...shit. When he pulls off his helmet and finds me in the stands, our eyes lock and a slow smile spreads across both of our faces. That's when I know I need to tell Rose, because I'm definitely moving here.
"I'm going to move out here after fall semester," I say quickly, turning to look at Rose.
"I figured," she answers after a minute. She watches Emmett on the field.
"Rose," I say once, asking her to look at me without saying the words.
She does so reluctantly, and her expression is uncertain and sad. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet," she admits.
"I think you should come with," I say firmly.
"I want to, but leaving everything…my dad, and Jasper and Alice," she swallows hard, "I've never lived apart from him," she mumbles, and I know she's talking about her twin. She's so independent that sometimes I forget how close she and Jasper are, and how much she needs him to balance her out.
I understand. I'm not sure if I'm ready either, but when I look back to him the field, I know it doesn't matter.
I slip my arm through hers, and we hold hands. After a few minutes she starts explaining the game of football to me, because she tells me that if I'm going to move in with a quarterback, I should probably know that a bootleg doesn't have anything to do with running illegal alcohol.
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On the way back to the loft, Emmett asks Rose about a thousand times if she's sure she's up to going out tonight.
"Jesus, Em. I'm pregnant, not disabled," she snips, but then closes her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. For a girl who already has trouble keeping her mouth in check, the hormones are going to be a bitch. "I can be sober cab. I think we all need to get out and have some fun."
We take our time getting ready for a late dinner. Edward stands behind me with his hands all over me while I put makeup on in his bathroom.
This should be fun. I want to see what life is like here, and that's what it entails, so I don't know why I'm so apprehensive. Edward seems completely comfortable at dinner, eating and talking easily. I pick at my food, though, drinking my wine quickly.
Rose keeps giving me strange looks, and corners me in the bathroom before we go.
"What's up?" she asks, leaning her hip against the counter while I wash my hands.
"I don't know, I'm just nervous," I mumble, meeting her eyes in the mirror.
She crosses her arms and waits for me to finish drying my hands.
"He loves you. That's all that matters." My stomach turns, because what she's saying is that none of the other girls that are undoubtedly going to be there tonight matter. I knew this part was coming, but that doesn't make it easier. I turn to the mirror, adjusting my dress and running my fingers through my hair.
I'm wearing cowgirl boots and a very short black baby doll dress, and I have to admit that I feel pretty fucking good. At Rose's insistence we stop at the bar on the way out and Edward, Emmett and I do a shot while Rose eggs us on. I let the booze calm me, and on the way to the party we drive with the windows open, bumping loud, unfamiliar hip-hop that Emmett raps along to, badly, while Rose drives and rolls her eyes at him. I sit in the middle seat in the back next to Edward. He has his arm around me and I move to the music, smiling at him. I'm going to try to let go and have fun.
The party is packed, every square inch packed with slick bodies moving to the base rumbling up from the floor. We make our way to the bar, and Emmett and Edward get hollered at as they walk past, doing the man handshake/half hug thing with the guys. The girls shriek hellos at the boys but their eyes narrow when they see me. They look away after seeing Rose, though; because she just looks like someone you don't want to fuck with. I should be so lucky.
After a few of those encounters I keep my eyes forward, secure with my small hand wrapped in Edward's large one, smiling when he introduces me to someone, but ignoring the rest.
I start to loosen up after another shot and a beer. Rose and I decide to dance, moving into the crowd together, leaving Emmett and Edward in a crowd of guys talking bullshit about football.
A song comes on that we actually know and we dance together, goofing off. All eyes are on us, but especially on Rose, who is, as always, looking insanely hot. In the hour we've been here, everyone seems to know we're here with Emmett and Edward.
The two of them are watching us closely from by the bar, but we ignore them, knowing that they're keeping an eye on us.
I don't see Tanya until it's too late.
She comes barreling up, drunk as shit, and throws an arm around Rose, who looks at her with disgust.
"Rose! Bella!" she slurs, tripping over her feet and spilling her beer down the front of my dress.
I step back, gasping as the cold beer runs over my tits and down my stomach.
The crowd around us backs up a little, a collective "Ooooooh" starting up when people realize what's happening. Tanya gives me a long look, and it's cold and sober. I realize what she's doing right away. So does Rose.
Rose doesn't fuck around. She grabs Tanya roughly by the arm and drags her out of the crowd toward Emmett and Edward.
"Look who I found!" Rose yells sarcastically at Edward, dropping Tanya's arm like it's dirty. "She spilled her fucking drink all over Bella."
Edward pulls me close, eyeing the wet front of my dress before looking up at Tanya.
He clenches his jaw and stares at her, not amused.
"Edward!" she says drunkenly, smiling. It's obvious that she's faking it now. Neither of us respond. It's then that I notice a group of very pretty girls across the room watching us avidly. I nudge Rose with my elbow, nodding towards them. They're talking amongst themselves, glaring at us, until Rose turns her gaze in their direction.
They stop, and their expressions change from smug to uncomfortable as they look off in the other direction.
Emmett throws his arms up behind her. "What, bitches?" He yells at them, laughing, and pulls Rose back against him, one hand lying protectively over her belly.
Tanya watches her friends turn away from her and then looks back at us.
"Sorry about the beer," she says flatly, dropping the drunken act.
"It's all good, girl," I answer, not breaking her gaze. She looks to Edward who still has the same hard expression on his face, setting her jaw and nodding before she walks away.
He grabs paper towels, pressing them against the thin black cotton of my dress. His hands linger on me longer than necessary. People are watching us.
I shake it off even though he's really pissed off. It's not the first time that I've had a drink spilled on me, intentionally or not, but we don't go back out onto the dance floor either way.
An hour later, I'm sitting on the counter in the kitchen with Edward standing between my thighs. We're talking to a group of his friends, and they're blatantly looking at my legs and tits, but they're all really drunk, so it comes with the territory. He compensates by standing really close to me and keeping one hand on me at all times; preferably on bare skin.
I've done numerous shots, but I'm holding up pretty well toward the end of the night. Edward has his hand so far up the outside of my thigh, that he's practically grabbing my ass. I should be ashamed; his possessiveness makes me want him so bad I consider pulling him into an empty bedroom.
The thought makes my stomach drop. I shouldn't think shit like that. Not here, where it's undoubtedly happened before. I suddenly want to be anywhere else, but I force myself to look at this situation again, and see it for what it is.
He's making it so obvious that he and I are together that it's almost laughable. Maybe I should just get a t-shirt that reads "Property of Edward". If someone talks to him, he very deliberately introduces me as his girlfriend. I can tell when a girl is actually just his friend (though they are few and far between) because they come up and chat with both of us without eyeing his hands on me jealously and giving me sideways glances. The others say hello and then slink away shortly after they realize that he's not interested. It's a strange power, but when I identify it, it buzzes through me like a drug.
He's mine.
I'm his.
None of this shit changes that.
Without warning he grabs me around the waist and sets me on the floor.
"Goodnight, y'all. I'm taking this girl home," he says loudly over the music, nodding for Rose and Emmett to follow us.
Real subtle, E. I like it, though.
We leave the kitchen while his teammates catcall at us, and make our way outside where it's a little bit cooler, but not much.
We barely make it into his bedroom before my legs are wrapped around him and he's moaning my name. I think I could learn to like this place.
There are a few conversations that we need to have before we leave here, but I don't know how to begin. Rose doesn't have that problem, though, so Sunday night we're sitting around the dining room table after eating the best steaks I've ever had, and she just starts talking.
"So what are we going to do?" she says, making eye contact with each of us.
We all know what she means.
Now that they know I'm moving, all that's left is Rose and Emmett…and the baby. Emmett has made it clear that he wants her to move in with him, but he hasn't said a word about his dad, at least not in front of me and Edward.
Edward speaks up first. "I think Emmett should fly out with me in October, and we'll all have dinner with our father. I don't see any way around it, and I think you two need to meet him."
He's right, but if I was nervous about going to a stupid college party, I may need pharmaceuticals to get through that dinner. Fuck. It doesn't help that Emmett and Edward are visibly upset by the prospect.
Rose shrugs. "Okay," she says, getting up to clear the table. So I guess that's that. All three of us jump up to help and she rolls her eyes. "You know, you guys are really starting to annoy me. Emmett, Bella, sit down. Edward, you can help me, but only because you actually know your way around a kitchen."
Edward smiles smugly at Emmett and I, who flop back in our chairs relieved. I hate dishes and clearing tables and all that crap. I would have made a terrible housewife.
I observe Emmett for a minute. He's watching Rose direct Edward around the kitchen and he has this small, sad smile on his face. He catches me staring at him, and looks down at the table.
"Em," I say quietly, "it's gonna be okay. No matter what."
He doesn't look as sure as I'm trying to sound, but he nods and smiles.
It kills me to leave him again. It gets worse every time, and this time I can see the toll it's taking on him.
He doesn't cry, but I do, and when I wrap my arms around him for the last time before I turn and walk through the airport doors, I breathe him in deep. I don't want to let go.
On the plane, Rose and I don't talk. There's nothing to say. I know it was just as hard for her and Emmett to part; I saw tears in his eyes when I turned back to wave at him.
I get back to L.A. feeling disjointed and alone, even though I'm excited to see Jasper and Alice. He's out getting take-out for dinner when we get home, so we're greeted by Alice, and she's got a whole shitload of wedding plans to run past us. We listen tiredly as she goes down the list of things we all need to do.
"Make sense?" she asks when she's finished.
Rose and I both nod, neither of us able to muster the enthusiasm that Alice deserves.
She appraises both of us before she closes the binder in front of her slowly and lifts it up to press against her chest. Her bottom lip quivers while she regards us. I instantly feel awful for my selfishness.
"Oh, Al. I'm sorry, we just had such a shitty day," I explain, standing up to pull her into a hug. "We are so excited for you guys, and you know we'll be there to help you with whatever you need."
She nods, wiping her eyes as she backs out of our hug, her eyes on Rose.
Rose stands up and throws her arms around Alice, and before I know it all three of us are in tears, and then we descend into laughter. We've been through a lot together, but sometimes I think that Rose and I forget that Alice doesn't just inherently understand what we're going through, because the two of us are so in tune to each other.
I move over to the other side of the counter and mix drinks, making Rose's a virgin of course. We sit in the living room and Rose and I tell her all about our trip.
When Jasper gets home, we're draped over each other on the couch debating about bridesmaid dress colors. It's going to be at the lake over Christmas and very casual, so they're forgoing the usual wedding planner bullshit and just inviting close friends and family. Rose is going to make the food, and I'm in charge of helping them write their vows. Jasper has already been obsessively compiling a playlist for the event.
Alice reminds me to check with Mike to see if he can make it. I haven't seen him since we got back, and I feel pretty horrible about it. I make a mental note to call him the next day.
Rose and I talked about how we were going to tell J and Alice that I'm moving. I think we should broach the topic gently, but as usual, Rose just dives in head first with no warning.
They accept the news easily, like they've been expecting to hear it.
"I'm going to move, too," Rose mumbles after I explain the details, her bravado gone.
The three of us turn to look at her. I didn't know they had made the decision, and I'm a little annoyed that she didn't mention it since we've been together all day.
She and Jasper share a look that erases my irritation instantly. She starts bawling seconds later, and Alice and I look on helplessly while Jasper tries to hold back his own tears.
I think about the emotional upheaval we've gone through in the last couple of weeks…I'm just tired. I bet I'll be able to go a year without crying after this. Fuck.
I feel like I've been waiting for things to go back to normal, but I think I need to resign myself to the fact that things aren't going to go back to anything, they're going to evolve, and we all need to do the same. Embrace the change.
Watching the people closest to me trying to cope with it, I know it's going to be a rough ride. I haven't even told Charlie yet either, and that conversation is going to be a difficult one, no doubt.
After the tears subside, we eat Chinese food out of the cartons and put on Big Trouble in Little China. I'm going to miss this more than anything, but big things are coming. Good things.
We're going to have a baby in the family, Jasper and Alice are going to take the next step, and….Edward wants to marry me.
He wants to marry me.
I write just that sentence down in my journal while we watch the movie, reading it again and again until it begins to sink in. Everything is going to be okay. I'm sure of it. I'll make sure of it. We just need to embrace the change.