I'm going to miss this so much. I appreciate the support and love that this story has recieved so very much. I read each review. I look at your profiles when you put me in your faves (I know! Stalker!). I love to chat with you all on twitter. I've been brought to tears by the warmth, humor and positivity in this fandom, and I'll have you know that in RL I'm not much of a crier.
I have many thanks to give. I'll do that in the endnote, except to thank my betas Momma Bear and LouderThanSirens, who have been unfailingly honest and patient with me while I work out my neurotic BS. You guys are the shit and that's no lie.
I'm offering an outtake for FGB! Links are on my profile. Also, there's a link to my twitter there. My account is locked, but I'll add you if you request. Don't be scurred. I'm a friendly kind of gal.
Alright I'll wrap this up before I say something else that is gonna make me slap my forehead later. This is the last chapter. Epilogue to follow...because apparently I can't stop.
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Edward
It took me a long time to figure out that the responsibility to make my relationship with Bella work is half mine. It turns out it's really simple. All she needs is to know is that she's the only one. It doesn't hurt if everyone else knows that too, so I make it so obvious that it embarrasses her sometimes. Even when she protests, I don't back off. I guess maybe I need people to know just as much as she does.
While most of my friends warmed up to Bella right away, others didn't. Some guys really cling to the whole bros before hos thing. I understand it, but I just don't want to be around someone who doesn't get why I'm with her, because that means they don't get me.
We spend most of our time with Emmett and Rose. On Emmett's birthday in March, he gets his first check from the trust; the trust that he and I were both sure was no longer available to us. B and I show up at the loft that afternoon to take him and Rose out to dinner, and they're standing at the counter, staring at the piece of paper that represents his portion of our legacy.
I try not to be affected when I see what it is, but it means something. Not that our father loves us or is even proud of us, but that he acknowledges that we're his sons. It's more than I've come to expect from him. Of course, this doesn't mean that I'll get mine.
Emmett and I don't really talk about it, but I think both of us are in the same place. I don't want to see my father in myself. He's never said it, but I think Em regrets his reaction to Rose's pregnancy more than anything he's ever done. He's made up for it, though. He is finally in a position where he can be the caretaker, and he really tries.
The last month that Rose is pregnant is the hardest. She's uncomfortable and really fucking bitchy, but the tough part is the waiting. She's almost a week past her due date when they decide to induce.
He's born on April 3rd.
Seth. Seth Hale Cullen. This kid owns me. I've never really been around babies before, but after Emmett shows me how to hold him properly and how to support his neck, I never want to put him down. Sometimes when I hold him he just stares at me, his tiny fist curled around my finger, and I feel like he knows who I am. I dub him "small man" and I try to be cool about it, but I find myself wanting to be wherever he is. I'm there the first time he smiles. He hasn't really stopped since.
Watching Bella hold my nephew changes something in me. She whispers to him a lot, but I can never hear what she says.
I realize that I want kids. I dance around the topic with Bella. I'm not sure how she'll react, so I just sit back, content to see her with a baby in her arms, and hope that it means that someday she'll want to have mine.
At the end of the semester we pack and get ready to leave for the summer. I had no idea that one tiny person could have so much shit. We have to take two cars to the airport. With his trust in effect, Em booked a private plane for our flight. Rose scoffed at first, but gave in when he pointed out that this is Seth's first flight, and they don't know how he'll react.
We get here and settle in quickly. The first thing we do is bring Seth to see Mrs. Mallory. Her fridge is already covered with pictures of him that Rose and Bella have been sending her. She started a college fund for him even before he was born. We make sure that she gets to see him almost every day.
Jasper and I, the proud uncles that we are, try to teach him to high five and fist bump. Jasper makes playlists for him, trying to jump start his musical education. We find out early on that the kid loves James Brown and will bounce his chubby little legs excitedly whenever we put it on.
The weeks go so fast that I'm surprised when I realize that it's July. Soon the family starts arriving for the Fourth. Everyone's here. The last time we were all together was for Jasper and Alice's wedding over Christmas. Carlisle officiated, and Bella and I stood by Alice, Rose and Em mirroring us on the other side next to Jasper. When they said their vows, which Bella wrote, she squeezed my hand too tight. She doesn't let me read her work often, just a page here and there, so I listened hard to every word. I wish I could remember each one.
Seth's in high demand with the whole family around, and my mom finds a way to hold him most of the time. She's the only person I won't fight with for his attention. I don't think I've ever seen her happier.
Charlie shows up on the afternoon of the Fourth. When he got here, he shook my hand and greeted me by name. Bella teared up before she went into the kitchen to grab him a beer. I think he's warming up to me.
I don't feel like I'm just getting through life anymore. I sometimes want it to pause so I can enjoy it for a little longer. I want every minute. I watch Bella scribble in her notebooks and type on her laptop, and I know that she's recording it all for me.
For all of us.
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Bella
My dad got here this afternoon. It's the Fourth of July, and Rose has been bossing all of us around for two days; Seth in one arm and the other pointing at what needs to be moved, organized or set up. Inevitably she ends up handing him off and doing things herself, not that any of us complain. She seems relieved to be running the show again. The only thing she and Emmett really fought about while she was pregnant was that she needed more rest.
The Fourth is the same as every year, but as with most things we do now, it's a little tamer. We have dinner, then go to the bonfire and shoot off fireworks, but it's an early night, which is definitely a change from how we usually celebrate this holiday. We all thought that Seth might be afraid of the fireworks, but he seems to take after his dad, staring up at the sky in awe. I would give anything to see what he sees for only a second.
After Rose and Emmett go back to their cabin, everyone splits off. Edward and I end up hanging out with my dad. I'm hot and sticky from the day, so I take a quick shower to cool off.
When I come out, Edward is doubled over laughing and my dad is wiping his eyes. They're talking about fishing. They both down a fair amount of beers, and I drink cocktails that Edward makes me. Their guffaws resound around the room. I don't join in the conversation too much; I just listen to my dad tell the stories that I could recite word for word and let Edward get to know him while I write in my journal.
I finally get tired, and stand up, yawning, just as their laughter is dying down again. "Alright boys, I can hardly keep my eyes open."
"I'm gonna stay up for a while. See you kids in the morning," my dad says, still chuckling a little from his last anecdote. Edward walks behind me into the kitchen, but when I try to pull him towards my room, he won't budge. Charlie pretends he isn't paying attention, but the pages of the fishing magazine he picked up stop turning.
"Walk me out?" Edward asks quietly. I scoff. We've lived in the same house and shared a bed for the last six months. Charlie obviously knows this, and hasn't really said anything to indicate that he disapproves…exactly. I don't think he's thrilled that we're living together and aren't married, but he seems to understand that times have changed, and that this is a good, solid relationship.
"Goodnight, sir," he says to Charlie as we walk out. I wonder when he's going to drop the formal act with him. I hate it, because I know where it comes from. My dad raises a hand in a lazy salute, keeping his eyes on his magazine. I can tell there's a smile hidden under his bushy mustache.
Nice, dad.
Edward and I stand close together and lean against the railing, looking out towards the water. People are still partying. The big fireworks are long gone, but I can still here the whistle and pop of bottle rockets and bursts of laughter echoing across the lake.
"So you're sneaking in later, right?" I ask, assuming that he will.
He shakes his head.
"What? Why?" I whisper, surprised.
He rubs the back of his neck, pausing before he speaks. "Look, I just want your dad to trust me and know that I respect him. And…I want him to actually like me." He shrugs, and I can see that he's a little uncomfortable admitting it. It's really fucking cute.
I think it's unnecessary, but I concede. I look down at our intertwined hands. "We haven't slept apart in…"
"I know." The insecurity that would have flooded me last summer doesn't come.
"I'm going to miss waking up to your face," he says. I swoon at the sweetness of that comment, and take a second to recognize that even though we spend every day together, the man can still make me melt.
A soft cry cuts through the air from Rose's cabin. Seth. We smile at each other. I can't get over seeing Edward's reaction to his nephew. The first time he picked him up I think my ovaries went into overdrive. We haven't spent a lot of time talking about kids, but the sight of him, his big arms cradling the tiny bundle carefully …there aren't even words.
We part for the night without sadness, but with longing. I watch him disappear down the steps and into the darkness and go back inside, shutting the screen door quietly behind me.
I walk up behind my dad and plant a kiss on the top of his head.
He looks up, and his eyes are shiny. "I love you, kid."
We don't say this to each other very often. Not because we don't mean it, but because displays of affection embarrass him. I don't know why he says it now, or why he's got tears in his eyes, but it doesn't matter.
"I love you too, dad."
True to his word, Edward doesn't sneak into my room that night. I dream of this place and wake up smiling.
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EPOV
I should be nervous, but I'm not.
It's early. I didn't sleep well alone in my bed, so I'm out on Bella's deck waiting for her in my usual spot.
Charlie left to go fishing about an hour ago. He grinned and told me I could go inside before he walked down to the boat, but I opted to stay out here and watch the sunrise.
I quit smoking when Seth was born, but times like this make me really want a cigarette. I spent a lot of time smoking and looking at this lake. The nostalgia factor kept me doing it for a long time, though, and I had to let it go. I don't want to set a bad example for Seth when he gets old enough to understand that kind of stuff. Just the thought of my small man picking up bad habits from me makes my stomach ache with guilt.
Guilt. It's probably the worst emotion I've ever felt. I'm trying to let go of things I've done in the past, but some still eat away at me. There are things that I still don't like to think about.
There are some that I have to work through and own now, though, because they made me what I am, and they formed this relationship, however fucked up its beginnings were.
The fifth of July. This isn't the first time I've run through this in my head, but I generally try to skim over the details. I close my eyes and remember everything.
I can't sleep, because I tasted her blood and her skin and I pulled away from her, even though I wanted to fuck her on the counter next to the limes she was cutting.
But I know how this is going to go.
She'll end up with all these fucking feelings, and even if I want to, I won't be able to feel them back. I'll get bored and I'll be ready to leave by the end of the summer, or maybe even before that. She'll call and I'll ignore her. Emmett will be pissed. I'll probably never come back here after that.
I'm drinking a beer and smoking on the deck of my cabin, restless. At three thirty I give up and walk out onto the sand with my half-empty beer in hand. The lake is totally still, the moon reflecting almost perfectly in the water. I watch it, and wish that I were somewhere else. It's too quiet here. I want to be able to ignore this shit. I feel…fuck, I feel and that's enough to make me want to blow my brains out.
The water ripples, the moon fractures and spreads.
There's someone swimming out from the beach, it's a girl, I can tell, but all I can see is an outline of a form cutting through the water. She gets past the floating dock and turns onto her back, floating.
I walk away from my cabin towards the girl, and when I get to the spot where she dropped her clothes and towel, I pick up the t-shirt. It's Bella.
FuckfuckfuckFUCK.
I need to get out of here, so I walk back the way I came, but halfway there, I stop and drain my beer. I wind up and throw it hard into the woods. It doesn't break, though, so it's not satisfying. I'm pissed. She shouldn't tempt me. Not someone like me. She's going to regret this.
I'm really fucking myself here, but I can't stop.
I walk back, pulling my t-shirt off as I go and toss it down next to her clothes. I leave my jeans in a pile and wade in carefully. She still doesn't know I'm here, and I don't really want to scare her, so I splash the water a little and she pops up, one hand over her tits.
The moon's behind her and I can't see her face, but I know she can see mine. When she's close enough to touch me and I can see her eyes, I'm not angry anymore. I'm fucking sad.
I'm gonna do this. Even though I know it's her first time and that doing it in the water sucks. I'm gonna do it even though I know I can't really have her.
I reach my hand out, knowing she'll take it. I look down at her fingers interlaced with mine and don't move, because this is the last chance I have to walk away from what I'm about to do. I can tell she thinks this is the beginning, but really, this is kind of the end.
She starts to stay something, but I meet her eyes and she stops. She's nervous. So I kiss her the way I've wanted to since I first saw her. I wonder how far she's gone; how inexperienced she really is.
When I pull her up to wrap her legs around me, I can feel her slick against my cock, wetter than the water surrounding us. I stop. She's shaking a little, and I almost pull her off of me and leave her there, but she grabs my dick and I ask her if she's on the pill instead.
And then I stop thinking and do what I know I can do for her.
She's tight, and I can tell I'm the first. I rub her where she needs me to, and I angle her so I'm hitting the right spots. I hold off until she starts clenching around me and I know she's going to come. I kiss her after, and fight the urge to fucking run.
I will fight that urge until I make her run instead.
I finish that thought with my head in my hands. I shouldn't let myself relive this shit, but the date is echoing through my head. I would give anything to take it back.
The way I thought then…it makes me sick. I could have lost her. I did lose her. But here I am, waiting on this deck like the lovesick fuck that I am, waiting for the girl that I love to come rescue me from myself. This is what we do now. We own our shit and move past it. I want to change what this date means. Not for me, but for her. Because if I have every detail of that burned into my brain, I can only imagine that it's a whole shitload more vivid for her.
She comes out at 7:30, all cute in one of my big hooded sweatshirts over little shorts. Her eyes are still half-closed, and she blinks like a cat in the sun, stretching her arms over her head.
I get up from the chair and kiss her lips, pulling back to look at her. She's got pillow marks on her cheek and her hair is…the way it looks every morning; like she just got done having sex. A lot of mornings, that's true.
"What's wrong?" she asks. "You look all emo."
I probably do. She doesn't know what's about to happen, so the misunderstanding of my facial expression doesn't surprise me.
"Nothing. I just want to get this right," I answer. She frowns.
"Get what right?"
When I drop to one knee, she looks confused. When I reach in my pocket and pull out the box, her eyes widen and one hand flies to her mouth.
My hands are steady. I honestly thought they would shake while I did this, but I've never been more certain of anything in my life.
I take the ring out carefully and hold it between my fingers. Her eyes are watering when I look up at her. I open my mouth to ask her, but she cuts me off.
"Is this really happening?" she whispers, tears in her eyes. I have to smile, because it's so like her to interject something at a moment like this.
I answer with the question that I've been wanting to ask her since I realized that she is all there is for me.
She says yes.
BPOV
I'm not a girl who has ever owned much jewelry, and neither was my mother, so aside from the necklace that I take out on special occasions, I don't wear any.
But I know that I like the thought of this ring being part of me. Even when I take everything else off of my body, it will lie close to my skin.
He will lie close to my skin.
I don't have the right words. He stands in front of me with his hands on my face, a huge smile on his lips, wiping away my tears and kissing me softly.
"I love you so fucking much."
His smile gets bigger and he laughs. "I love you, too. So fucking much."
We decide to skip coffee at my place and go to Rose's to tell everyone, but I want to wait for my dad. He doesn't get back until around 8:30. I figure out that he knew when he walks in, looks at our expressions and then his eyes move quickly to my ring finger.
I raise an eyebrow at each of them. My dad just shrugs. Edward mimics his movement. I try to imagine that conversation, but can't. I'll have to get details later.
My dad's smile is huge and genuine, even though I can tell he's trying to rein it in, his mustache twitching. He shakes Edward's hand, clapping him awkwardly on the shoulder. For a second I'm afraid they're going to attempt some sort of uncomfortable man hug, but they don't. "Hope you know what you're gettin' yourself into with this one, kid," my dad says, nodding at me.
"I think I can handle it, sir," he answers, grinning.
"Call me Charlie, Edward," my dad answers, patting his shoulder again before turning to me. When we hug, I look over my dad's shoulder at Edward, who's watching us with sadness and hope plain on his face. I know he's thinking about his own father, and I think he's realizing that he can have one in mine.
As always, we celebrate with champagne and hugs at Rose's. Esme hugs me so hard that I can't breathe, and when I finally open my eyes, Edward is watching us, but this time there isn't even a hint of sadness in his expression. I have to fight to keep from sobbing into her shoulder.
We spend the day on the beach and in the water playing with Seth. Carlisle insists upon getting us all together for a group photo that afternoon. It takes about eight tries to get one where someone isn't blinking or Emmett isn't making inappropriate hand gestures, but the resulting photo will be one that I look back on often throughout the years. It will remind me of everything good in my life.
The whole day is full of wholesome family fun, but by the end of it I'm restless in my skin. I need to touch him, but it's tough with everyone here. We don't really have anywhere to go to be totally alone.
When it gets late and he gets up off of the couch where we're hanging out with Charlie, I follow him out onto the deck again and practically attack him, pushing my hips into his and clutching at his shirt while I kiss him. I know he's not going to stay, but I can say without a doubt that I want him more than I have ever wanted him. He whispers perfect words into my ear before he walks down the stairs, and I'm left aching and very awake.
I make it until 2am. I haven't snuck out of my cabin since I was a teenager, and that was to drink stolen beers with Rose and Jasper in the boathouse. It's not even really sneaking out now, but I like the thrill of tiptoeing through the living room, my heart beating loudly in my ears. I exhale in relief when I close the door silently behind me and then roll my eyes at myself.
My ring glints in the moonlight while I walk down the beach to the Cullen's. They have a few dim lights on inside, and the side door is unlocked when I reach it. His room is dark, but I can see enough to get to the bed and crawl in, where he's sprawled out on his stomach in his boxer briefs.
"Baby," he mumbles, rolling on his side and pulling me towards him. He wakes a little more after a second. "What are you doing here?" he whispers into my hair, his hands hot and roaming over my body, almost unconsciously.
"I couldn't sleep," I answer, writhing in his grasp. I don't want my thin t-shirt between us, but before I can take it off, he's under it, running his palms up my stomach, finding all of the sweet spots on my body that make me gasp. He pulls my shorts and underwear down in one motion and I shift my leg up onto his hip, grasping at the fabric covering him until he's free and pushing into me slowly.
"I couldn't…wait," I say breathlessly, holding on to his shoulder for leverage and pushing against him, feeling his muscles tense and relax. We don't break our stare, and I watch him struggle to keep his eyes open when he comes right after me. We lay there until our breathing slows, my palm resting on his cheek.
"The fifth of July," he says quietly after a minute, reaching up to cover my hand with his, his fingers lingering over the ring.
"Technically, it's the sixth," I correct him, smiling. He laughs, pulling my face to his and kissing me slowly. I start to drift off after a few minutes, but his hushed voice wakes me up.
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you want to have kids?"
The question throws me off a little, as does his tone of voice. He sounds unsure and uncharacteristically shy. "Yes. I do," I answer honestly.
His answering grin is automatic, but fades after a moment. "Do you think I'll be a good dad?"
A tear streaks down my face and onto the pillow. "I think you'll be the best dad ever."
I fall asleep wrapped up in a man that has made me cry, laugh, and love harder than anyone else ever has.
I'm lucky. I'm blessed. I'm complete.
Everything feels right.
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Tried to wrap that up in a nice, tight little package for you. All together now..."That's what she said."
Thanks to RoseArcadia for being one of the first to read and rec, and for just generally being unafraid to back a story which had many people wanting to find and kill me around the chapter 7 mark. This fandom owes you a lot. Thanks to jajo, my twilighted beta, for catching things that I don't, and for forcing Rose to do my banner in the first place. Hee. Kisses. Thanks to BelleDean for listening to me bitch endlessly, and not making me feel like a jerk. We are two of a kind.
Many, many, many thanks to stephk0525, without whom I wouldn't be retaining my sanity at this point. She has talked me through lemons, drama and Texas football. You are a joy to know, bb. I love you very much.
To everyone who has pimped my story...wanna make out? Tweet me if that's a yes. I want to start naming names but this would end up being the epic endnote end all endnotes, and I'll feel the need to thank each of you individually. Wish I could have you all over for drinks, though.
Thank you for reading. I'm going to go shed a tear or two.
xo
lola